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Five-Minute "Visionary"

by Derek Dean

O'Brien: I'll beat you two apart. I'll take you both together!
Bashir: (to Sisko) I guess not very long.
O'Brien: What happened? Why I am on this wall? Why is my hair falling out?
Bashir: Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up. You got radiation when that conduit blew up in your face.
O'Brien: At least opening a conduit didn't kill me.
Sisko: Yet.

Bo'Rak: I'm a drunk Klingon.
Sisko: As I recall, one other time drunk Klingons were on a station with Starfleet personnel, a barroom brawl ensued.
Bo'Rak: I'm sure that won't happen this time. Not unless there are Romulans present.
Ruwon: Hi. I'm a Romulan.
Sisko: Crap.

O'Brien: Quark, make me a root beer.
Quark: Zap! You're a root beer.
O'Brien: Oh, ha ha. That's about as funny as a screen door on a --
Future O'Brien: Quark, make me a root beer.
Quark: Zap! You're a root beer.
Future O'Brien: Oh, ha ha. That's about as funny as a screen door on a battleship.
Quark: It's a submarine, Chief. Screen door on a submarine.
O'Brien: -- submarine.

Sisko: Everything we know about the Dominion is in that report.
Ruwon: "Us good. Dominion bad." Oh, I'm sure that will be very helpful.
Sisko: We also have a picture of a Jem-Hadar.
Ruwon: That's just a crayon drawing of a blue Klingon.
Sisko: I assure you it was done by one of our top artists.
Ruwon: "Molly O'Brien, age 5?"

O'Brien: Quark, make me a root beer.
Quark: Zap! You're a root beer.
O'Brien: Oh, ha ha -- Gasp! This is just like my vision before!
Quark: Huh?
O'Brien: I don't have time to deal with you. So why don't you make like a tree and get out of here?
Quark: It's leave, Chief. Make like a tree and leave.

O'Brien: I don't know how or why, but I'm moving back and forth through time.
Sisko: I thought we were trying to distance ourselves from TNG.
O'Brien: Yeah, that's the trouble with --
Ruwon: Fair enough -- Thwap!
Klingon: Fight! Fight! Fight!
Quark: Stop that!
O'Brien: -- tribbles.

Kira: The Romulans want to debrief us!
Sisko: Fortunately for me, I wear boxers.
Kira: What a horrible, horrible joke.
Sisko: The sad thing is, it's the only joke in this scene.

Kira: So then the Romulans insinuated that you were attracted to me!
Odo: How perspicacious of them.
Kira: Prespicacious? Let me use your computer to look up the definition.
Odo: I'd rather you didn't....
Kira: What's this on your computer? "The Odo/Kira fan fiction archive"?
Odo: We need to go. There's a fight at Quark's.
Kira: Where'd you hear that?
Odo: Um, shapeshifter's intuition?

Bo'Rak: Romulans suck.
Ruwon: Fair enough -- Thwap!
Past O'Brien: Uh... Thwap?
Klingon: Fight! Fight! Fight!
Odo: Stop that!
O'Brien: Thank goodness you're here, Odo. A few more minutes and I might have said --
Future O'Brien: GAK!
O'Brien: Yeah, that.

Bashir: This is about the time you saw yourself get killed earlier.
O'Brien: Yeah, I need to remember to send expendable crew members to repair things more often.
Redshirt: (over the comm) GAK!
O'Brien: Oh well, better him than me. The last thing I want to hear is --
Bell: Ring!
O'Brien: Why is a bell ringing?
Bashir: Ask not for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.
O'Brien: -- the moaning and the groaning of the bells.

Odo: So those Klingons on board are actually spies.
Sisko: A Klingon spy? Aboard a space station? This sounds really familiar.
Odo: You mean you haven't placed all the references? Wow... just wow.

Bo'Rak: I protest this unjust imprisonment!
Odo: You can give that up, your secret has been revealed already.
Bo'Rak: The one about us being spies?
Odo: Yes, and the other one.
Bo'Rak: What other one?
Odo: Oh well, worth a try.

Bashir: I figure he's good for one more time-shift.
O'Brien: And lacking anything better to do, I might as well do it now.
Station: BOOM!
Wormhole: BOOM!
O'Brien: Woah!

O'Brien: That was cool watching the station blow up. I'm dying to watch it again.
Bashir: Yes, you are. Have fun.
O'Brien: Knock knock, Chief.
Future O'Brien: What are you doing here?
O'Brien: Shouldn't you already know? This is getting weird.
Future O'Brien: We're Starfleet officers. Weird's part of the job.
O'Brien: I feel sick.

Future O'Brien: It's a Romulan warbird that blew up the station. Or will blow up the station. Or is blowing up the station. I don't know.
O'Brien: The radiation has me in a deadlock. You'll have to go.
Future O'Brien: To think I'll actually have something in common with Tasha Yar.

Sisko: We've discovered all your secrets.
Ruwon: Including how they get the caramel into the Caramilk bar?
Sisko: Yes, it sucks. Almost as much as it will suck to be your warbird when we fire all our torpedoes at it.
Ruwon: So this episode's main plot had nothing to do with tribbles?
Sisko: Of course not. Tribbles are just a red herring.
Ruwon: Taken literally, that makes absolutely no sense.

Bashir: Ha! I won at darts again!
Future O'Brien: I'd swear you were genetically engineered to beat me.
Bashir: Um, no, no, of course not. Changing the subject rapidly, why are you still calling yourself Future O'Brien?
Future O'Brien: It makes me sound important. I've also considered "The O'Brien of the Future" or "Edward Future-chief" or "Miles of Dessssstiny" or....
(O'Brien rattles off titles at Ludicrous Speed)


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This fiver was originally published on June 26, 2006.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2006, Derek Dean.