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5ME: Haiku Day
by Zeke
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17-Syllable "The Expanse"
Archer: ALL XINDI MUST DIE!
Xindi: Actually, our planet did.
Archer: That will not suffice.
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17-Syllable "Anomaly"
T'Pol: Hey, look. Dyson spheres.
Archer: Not right now, I'm torturing.
Tucker: That didn't take much.
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17-Syllable "Extinction"
Archer, Reed, and Sato: Oog oog oog oog oog.
T'Pol: No oogs here. I'm too mature.
Phlox: Quoth Junkie-T'Be.
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17-Syllable "Rajiin"
Rajiin: Hi! I'm a space ho.
Rajiin: May I steal some bio-scans?
Archer: Mmmmm, a space ho. Sure.
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17-Syllable "Impulse"
Vulcan Zombies: Live long and prosBRAAAAINS!
T'Pol: Oh no! I'm affected too!
T'Pol: (Whoa, this ain't so bad....)
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17-Syllable "Exile"
Tarquin: Will you live with me?
Sato: We just met now, and you're gross.
Tarquin: What was that? "Yes"? Sweet.
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17-Syllable "The Shipment"
Gralik: Xindi aren't all bad.
Archer: Prove that with some sabotage.
Tucker: Guns with worms are weird.
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17-Syllable "Twilight"
Future Archer: Noooooo! The Earth went boom!
Phlox: Not if we do this and this.
Archer: Well, that's a relief.
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17-Syllable "North Star"
Archer: Howdy, pard! Yee-haw!
T'Pol: This is just so very sad.
Tucker: Aaaag! Snake in my boot!
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17-Syllable "Similitude"
Sim: I don't want to die.
Phlox: Meh. Life kind of sucks that way.
Phlox: But yours more than most.
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17-Syllable "Carpenter Street"
Daniels: You must save the past.
Archer: From myself, as usual?
Daniels: No, from lizard dudes.
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17-Syllable "Chosen Realm"
Mayweather: Booooooring. Let's hook up.
Sato: That's fiver-exclusive, fool.
Mayweather: ....Got change for a ten?
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17-Syllable "Proving Ground"
Shran: Hi! I'm here to help!
Shran: (Then to backstab you and run.)
Archer: What was that last part?
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17-Syllable "Stratagem"
Degra: This future's imper--
Archer: Just cough up coordinates.
Degra: Okay, just this once.
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17-Syllable "Harbinger"
T'Pol: Have sex with me now!
Tucker: That was easy. In Sim's face.
Subtlety: Woe! Woe is me! GAK!
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17-Syllable "Doctor's Orders"
Phlox: All I'll say is this:
Phlox: Jeri Taylor better be
Phlox: getting royalties.
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17-Syllable "Hatchery"
Archer: I'm a mom again!
Tucker: "Again"? Do we want to know?
Archer: Oops. Bug kids, eat him.
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17-Syllable "Azati Prime"
Archer: I'll die to save Earth.
Reptile Xindi: Better plan: we beat you up.
Enterprise: Ow! Beat HIM, not me!
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17-Syllable "Damage"
Archer: Pirates we must be.
T'Pol: Arrrrrr you sure that's the right choice?
Phlox: Oh, you junkie, you.
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17-Syllable "The Forgotten"
Tucker: I miss my sister.
Taylor: Oh, just suck it up and deal.
Taylor: At least you're not dead.
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17-Syllable "E²"
Lorien: I'm your child of time.
Archer: Shhhh. Porthos deserves a line.
Porthos: Ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff!
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17-Syllable "The Council"
Xindi Council: We'll think it over.
Degra: Thus dawns an era of GAK!
Dolim: Time for human pie.
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17-Syllable "Countdown"
Archer: Stop! Stop! Don't kill Earth!
Dolim: Come and make me, little man.
T'Pol: That didn't make sense.
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17-Syllable "Zero Hour"
Archer: Yes! We won! We -- GAK!
Alien Nazi: That'll teach him. Oh, hello.
Viewers: WHAT THE BLEEPING BLEEP?
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Got a comment on Haiku Day? Contact the author, Zeke
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These haiku were originally published on July 6, 2004.
DISCLAIMER: These fools are not mine; to the Great Bird they belong. I don't think he'd mind.
All material © 2004, Colin Hayman.
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