Home Features Home

5ME: Haiku Day

by Zeke

17-Syllable "The Expanse"

Xindi: Actually, our planet did.
Archer: That will not suffice.

17-Syllable "Anomaly"

T'Pol: Hey, look. Dyson spheres.
Archer: Not right now, I'm torturing.
Tucker: That didn't take much.

17-Syllable "Extinction"

Archer, Reed, and Sato: Oog oog oog oog oog.
T'Pol: No oogs here. I'm too mature.
Phlox: Quoth Junkie-T'Be.

17-Syllable "Rajiin"

Rajiin: Hi! I'm a space ho.
Rajiin: May I steal some bio-scans?
Archer: Mmmmm, a space ho. Sure.

17-Syllable "Impulse"

Vulcan Zombies: Live long and prosBRAAAAINS!
T'Pol: Oh no! I'm affected too!
T'Pol: (Whoa, this ain't so bad....)

17-Syllable "Exile"

Tarquin: Will you live with me?
Sato: We just met now, and you're gross.
Tarquin: What was that? "Yes"? Sweet.

17-Syllable "The Shipment"

Gralik: Xindi aren't all bad.
Archer: Prove that with some sabotage.
Tucker: Guns with worms are weird.

17-Syllable "Twilight"

Future Archer: Noooooo! The Earth went boom!
Phlox: Not if we do this and this.
Archer: Well, that's a relief.

17-Syllable "North Star"

Archer: Howdy, pard! Yee-haw!
T'Pol: This is just so very sad.
Tucker: Aaaag! Snake in my boot!

17-Syllable "Similitude"

Sim: I don't want to die.
Phlox: Meh. Life kind of sucks that way.
Phlox: But yours more than most.

17-Syllable "Carpenter Street"

Daniels: You must save the past.
Archer: From myself, as usual?
Daniels: No, from lizard dudes.

17-Syllable "Chosen Realm"

Mayweather: Booooooring. Let's hook up.
Sato: That's fiver-exclusive, fool.
Mayweather: ....Got change for a ten?

17-Syllable "Proving Ground"

Shran: Hi! I'm here to help!
Shran: (Then to backstab you and run.)
Archer: What was that last part?

17-Syllable "Stratagem"

Degra: This future's imper--
Archer: Just cough up coordinates.
Degra: Okay, just this once.

17-Syllable "Harbinger"

T'Pol: Have sex with me now!
Tucker: That was easy. In Sim's face.
Subtlety: Woe! Woe is me! GAK!

17-Syllable "Doctor's Orders"

Phlox: All I'll say is this:
Phlox: Jeri Taylor better be
Phlox: getting royalties.

17-Syllable "Hatchery"

Archer: I'm a mom again!
Tucker: "Again"? Do we want to know?
Archer: Oops. Bug kids, eat him.

17-Syllable "Azati Prime"

Archer: I'll die to save Earth.
Reptile Xindi: Better plan: we beat you up.
Enterprise: Ow! Beat HIM, not me!

17-Syllable "Damage"

Archer: Pirates we must be.
T'Pol: Arrrrrr you sure that's the right choice?
Phlox: Oh, you junkie, you.

17-Syllable "The Forgotten"

Tucker: I miss my sister.
Taylor: Oh, just suck it up and deal.
Taylor: At least you're not dead.

17-Syllable "E²"

Lorien: I'm your child of time.
Archer: Shhhh. Porthos deserves a line.
Porthos: Ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff!

17-Syllable "The Council"

Xindi Council: We'll think it over.
Degra: Thus dawns an era of GAK!
Dolim: Time for human pie.

17-Syllable "Countdown"

Archer: Stop! Stop! Don't kill Earth!
Dolim: Come and make me, little man.
T'Pol: That didn't make sense.

17-Syllable "Zero Hour"

Archer: Yes! We won! We -- GAK!
Alien Nazi: That'll teach him. Oh, hello.

Got a comment on Haiku Day? Contact the author, Zeke

Site navigation:
___ Five-Minute Enterprise
___ ___ Season 3
___ ___ ___ Haiku Day

These haiku were originally published on July 6, 2004.

DISCLAIMER: These fools are not mine; to the Great Bird they belong. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2004, Colin Hayman.