March 28

[Zeke]

I don't usually talk about the forums in newsposts, but I felt it was necessary today. Almost without exception, the 5M.net forums are civilized and orderly. Lots of good chatting goes on. But today the rules were broken in a truly flagrant manner.


In this thread (../forums/viewtopic.php?t=1070), a longstanding member -- one "Zeke" -- decided to abuse the trust he had earned from the community. He made a post which seemed perfectly innocuous, containing a link which seemed equally so. But that link led, with no warning whatsoever, to a hardcore porn image. Literally billions of innocent minds were destroyed.


"Zeke," if that is his real name, claims that it was an accident. But that's easy to say after the fact. All I know for certain is that this user, who has protested "screamers" and the like many times, today outdid them all. I have no choice. Other forumgoers will vouch for the fact that I've always come down hard on --


Let me rephrase that. I've severly punished and disciplined the....


I've, um, sent my disapproval gushing over....


The point is it's not allowed. So as of this moment, "Zeke" is banned from the forums. Let this be a lesson to all of you. No one who flouts the laws of the community will be spared, whether friend, enemy, or me.

[whoiam]

heh. Nice sentiment and all. Still, I vote that Zeke be given a special dispensation by Zeke to continue posting in the 'news' section... otherwise, how will we all know that there's been new stuff posted to the site?

[Hejira]

Wanna know my theory? Zuke's got psychic control over Zeke, but it only lasts for short bursts. That's why he's felt remorse over the link - that I missed, dammit - and felt the urge to ban himself. It's part of Zuke's plan to move in while Zeke is in a self-imposed exile.

It's a conspiracy, I tell you! Zuke's trying to take over the site, and then the world, and then Microsoft! The sky is falling! Red and Blue are the same! Aliens took my sister! Polybius is a real game!

And so on.

[e of pi]

Wow. So this is what Zuuke was planning. I knew it was something devious, but this? I'm glad I'm on his side.

EDIT: Can I throw my cranial plate into the ring for the open moderator post? I'm more active than the prior ocupant, at least in the forum, and I'm relatively cetain I can keep to his rigorous posting schedule. :P

[Sa'ar Chasm]

Wanna know my theory? Zuke's got psychic control over Zeke,

Zuuke is a Darkside clone of the first Zuke?

Great Maker, he's multiplying...

[e of pi]

Not quite. Originally, Zuke's plan was to use Zuuke along the lines of "two of the same head are better than one". However, Zuuke sent Zuke to the Big Lair in the Sky. He's been taking his place in the chat for several weeks, but he's such a good actor nobody's noticed. However, I found out from an anonymous source I met in my school parking lot who went by the psuedonym "Deep Larnyx", who spoke in a semi-Canadian accent, then offered me the Chief Minion position. Sensing a change in the winds, I joined up.

[Asky]

Hey, Zeke, you might want to check on this Zeke guy's banning. It looks like he's still posting in the Talk forum, 3 hours after you banned him. You might want to try IP banning and hope he doesn't use dial-up...

[Alexia]

WHAT?! I MEAN, WHAT!?!?!

Zeke posts porn, and NOT ONLY did I totally miss it when he did it (to point and laugh) but I MISSED CLICKING THE LINK?!?!!

Damn.

What a time I picked to take some offline time :wink:

[Chancellor Valium]

Zuuke killed Zuke? Naah. Zuke's just communing with the Pah Wraiths...

[Keab4247]

this is funny enough to lure me into joining and posting. :D

Zuuke killed Zuke? Naah. Zuke's just communing with the Pah Wraiths...

Users in chat: Zuke

an interesting way of comuning with them.

does the number of U's indicate a greater level of evilness?

is zuuke more evil than zuke?

[Hejira]

WHAT?! I MEAN, WHAT!?!?!

Zeke posts porn, and NOT ONLY did I totally miss it when he did it (to point and laugh) but I MISSED CLICKING THE LINK?!?!!

Damn.

What a time I picked to take some offline time :wink:

I had the exact same reaction. (http://www.metroid2002.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=3876&start=1925) All I ask is the number of parties involved and the gender ratio. I have a sufficient imagination to beat the pants off of...

...to fill in the blanks. Huh, that's not much better.

*Above linked site can never be overplugged. NEVER.

[Chancellor Valium]

this is funny enough to lure me into joining and posting. :D

Zuuke killed Zuke? Naah. Zuke's just communing with the Pah Wraiths...

Users in chat: Zuke

an interesting way of comuning with them.

does the number of U's indicate a greater level of evilness?

is zuuke more evil than zuke?

Hi, Keab! Welcome to the insanity :D

On the subject of 'u's, it's a reference to the Thrawn trilogy by Timothy Zahn. According to it, in the Star Wars universe, cloning can go wrong, and leads to the clones elongating a vowel of their name. So Luke's clone is Luuke. Therefore, Zuke's clone is 'Zuuke'.

On the chat: That's not Zuke, that's Zuuke in disguise...The real Zuke is in the fire caves ;)

[Keab4247]

ah a level of nerdiness beyond my own! i have something to aspire to again!

how can you tell that it's zuuke in disguise and not zuke?

it could be zuke pretending to be zuuke in disguise...

[Chancellor Valium]

You just have to ask him to name a few Sontarans ;)

[evay]

I think you're being too hard on Zeke. He's always had a firm grip on himself before. It's clearly just a case of premature association. Nobody's head still hurts over it. (Besides, he couldn't keep it up for very long anyway -- the link has already been jerked off the forum.) Take him in hand, give him a stern lecture about safe posting, and let the issue peter out on its own.

[e of pi]

No! If we give into this one case, it won't be long before we are forced to allow such as Zuuke and his Cheif Minion onto the fora! We must tighten our grip to prevent them from slipping through our fingers! We must have new a new moderator, a strong moderator. And then we will have peace.

PS: Name where all the Star Wars allusions come from, and get free pi.

[mudshark]

Holy multiple double-entendre, Batman!

Er, double multiple ... er, um ... :|

[mark726]

I disappear for two days...and I miss this?! It's kind of upsetting, I have to admit. But I suppose I'll have to live. And perhaps this'll sound stupid of me, but what IS Zuke, exactly? And can I attribute it to my newbie-ness?

[Derek]

Zuke is the evil-Zeke created from a botched cloning operation. If you read the old This Just In (http://fiveminute.net/thisjustin)s, you'll see his story unfold: Issue 13 (http://www.fiveminute.net/thisjustin/13.html), Issue 19 (http://www.fiveminute.net/thisjustin/19.html), and Issue 20 (http://www.fiveminute.net/thisjustin/20.html). Issue 19 also came with a modified front page due to Zuke's takeover (or because it was April 1, depending on who you believe).

I don't suppose you have that 6MV front page archived anywhere for posterity, do you, Zeke?

[PointyHairedJedi]

There was porn? I am both shocked and appalled! I just don't understand it - I've always looked up to you, Zeke, but now that image has been shattered forever. Such a thing can never truly be forgiven. :(

(Unless, of course, it was good porn. In which case the whole thing is totally okay. :D )

[Zeke]

I don't suppose you have that 6MV front page archived anywhere for posterity, do you, Zeke?

I have the graphics, but not the actual page. One of these days I'll grab a copy of our old layout from the Internet Archive and recreate Zuke's takeover so new readers can see it. The takeover was quite thorough -- Zuke actually replaced "Five" and "5" with "Six" and "6" throughout the site. (He was a little careless about it and damaged some of my image files, such as the original Christmas site banner. It was very annoying.)

[PointyHairedJedi]

Was this before he was an eggplant? They can't type so well, you know.

[richardson]

Zuke shall return, and we shall give him help!

*Wait... oh, no... it's the evil, sith counterpart to Yodck, Kcdoy! And, why is richardson's bangs reversed, and his frekkles the wrong way around.... Dum-dum dummmm......*

[Zeke]

Was this before he was an eggplant?

I wouldn't know. Everything about Zuke that's not in those TJIs is strictly fanon. Oh, he's still out there -- it just suits his agenda to stay hidden for now.

(Zuke is not to be confused with the evil alternate me from Sleapers 4-6, who just happened to have the same name.)

[Gatac]

Paraphrased: (http://www.cybertroncinema.net/superdeformers/galleries/classics/cla002.html)

"Say, Zeke, with all of those clones, how can you remember which is the real you?"
"Simple...I just write my name in my underwear!"

Gatac

[Derek]

(Zuke is not to be confused with the evil alternate me from Sleapers 4-6, who just happened to have the same name.)
And of course, those counterparts weren't even seen, just mentioned.

[Chancellor Valium]

the link has already been jerked off the forum.)
:shock:

Take him in hand
:shock: :shock: :shock:

[Lostoyannaya]

the link has already been jerked off the forum.)
:shock:

Take him in hand
:shock: :shock: :shock:

I'm surprised you didn't spot:

He's always had a firm grip on himself before

:roll: Oh, will the innuendo ever end!

~~Lostoyannaya :wink: :wink:

[Derek]

Yes, obviously evay will need to be spanked.

[mark726]

Zuke is the evil-Zeke created from a botched cloning operation. If you read the old This Just In (http://fiveminute.net/thisjustin)s, you'll see his story unfold: Issue 13 (http://www.fiveminute.net/thisjustin/13.html), Issue 19 (http://www.fiveminute.net/thisjustin/19.html), and Issue 20 (http://www.fiveminute.net/thisjustin/20.html). Issue 19 also came with a modified front page due to Zuke's takeover (or because it was April 1, depending on who you believe).

I don't suppose you have that 6MV front page archived anywhere for posterity, do you, Zeke?

Wow, I really should have remembered that. Whoops...

[Wowbagger]

Wow. I had to check in, just to laugh.

I like the new avatar. And the horrible double-entende-thingies.