Block 10 - Welcome to the desert of the real

[Zeke]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Morpheus and Neo are now in a classic featureless white room. Morpheus explains that this is the Construct, a sort of anteroom to the Matrix where they can create supplies and weapons. He gets philosophical for a bit, waxing on the nature of perception, and then begins to explain what happened to the world. It seems the turning point was mankind's creation of true AI -- the machines revolted and waged a bloody war. In desperation, our side "scorched" the sky to interfere with the machines' solar energy systems. Deprived of their main power source, the machines improvised by devising a way to extract energy from humans. The human race is now grown in fields and kept alive in tanks like Neo's, with the Matrix serving to occupy their minds. This is all more than Neo can handle; he demands to be revived, and then vomits and passes out.

One scene. The synopsis is still here (http://www.hackvan.com/pub/stig/scripture/matrix/12-the-real-world.txt) (page down a bit).[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Morpheus: This is where we ask for things. Just dont...
Neo: I need a car.
*cars appear*
Morpheus:..ask for a car.
Neo: Whoa

---------------------------------------------------------
Cypher: He's going to pop
Morpheus: I told you that you couldnt handle the roller coaster program[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]OK, I'm just throwing out random bits and pieces here. All off the top of my head, more or less.

[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] This is the Construct. Here, we can create big guns, cool shades, and enough black leather to cover Toronto.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Sweet! Can I have a Coke?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] No.

[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Are you saying we're inside a computer program?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Is that really so hard to believe? Look at yourself - you're a two-dimensional character, the plot makes no sense, and you're mainly here to shoot people.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Point.

[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] In the 21st century, man created an A.I. that took over the entire world.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Maaaaan. I [i:post_uid0]knew[/i:post_uid0] there was something fishy about those Doom 3 previews.

[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] The humans scorched the sky, so robots would be cut off from the solar energy they relied on.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Those idiots! Why didn't they just attack at night?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Well, [i:post_uid0]obviousl--[/i:post_uid0] because-- umm... d'oh!

[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Without the sun, the machines turned to a new source of energy - the human body.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] No! How is that possible?!
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] I have seen the fields, Neo - the endless fields...
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Oh my god...
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Hamster wheels, Neo. Fields of giant hamster wheels, as far as the eye can see...

[b:post_uid0]Morphius:[/b:post_uid0] The Matrix is control, Neo. A computer-generated dreamworld, designed to turn a human being... into this.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] A green M&M?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Damn! Wrong pocket!

It should be noted that the "should have attacked at night" joke is shamelessly plagarized from PWoT.com's "The Matrix: Rejected" list... http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/film/matrix50.html . Highly recommended. :)

Please feel free to comment, modify, improve, dis, cannabalize, mix n' match, or just ignore.[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0][b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Okay, exposition time: At the turn of the millennium, man created an A.I. that assimilated the entire world.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Didn't that bald guy kill them all off though?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Almost. Somehow, Bjorn escaped.

[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] The oil companies scorched the sky, so people would be cut off from the solar energy they relied on. Oh, and also so that the computers would be deprived of power too.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Those idiots! Why didn't they just attack at night?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Well, [i:post_uid0]obviousl--[/i:post_uid0] er, because-- umm... That question is irrelevant.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] But--
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Asking questions which do not justify fight scenes with really cool special effects is the height of futility.[/quote:post_uid0]


[quote:post_uid0][b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Life is but a dream, Neo. A computer-generated dream, designed to turn human beings everywhere... into this.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] A green M&M?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Wha...? --Whoops, wrong pocket![/quote:post_uid0]

I like all the other scenes so far as well, for the most part.[/color:post_uid0]

[Sa'ar Chasm]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I got nothing, so maybe I'll try to do the entire thing in song titles (and lyrics).

(plugging in)
Neo: Hooked on a feeling.


Neo: I do believe we're on the eve of destruction
Morpheus: (nodding) It's the end of the world as we know it.
Neo: Blue skies smiling at me. Time warp?
Morpheus: Here comes the rain again.

Morpheus: I wear my sunglasses at night


Neo: I can't fight this feeling anymore! Bye bye bye!
Whoever Unplugs Him:
Neo: Movin' it on up (blork)

Bah. I'm gonna wait for the next block and throw my support behind Standback.

[quote:post_uid0]Neo: Are you saying we're inside a computer program?
Morpheus: Is that really so hard to believe? Look at yourself - you're a two-dimensional character, the plot makes no sense, and you're mainly here to shoot people.
Neo: Point.
[/quote:post_uid0]

This I like.[/color:post_uid0]

[Anonymous]

[quote:post_uid0="Standback"][color=#000000:post_uid0][b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Are you saying we're inside a computer program?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Is that really so hard to believe? Look at yourself - you're a two-dimensional character, the plot makes no sense, and you're mainly here to shoot people.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Point.[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]I really like this scene.

Anyway, I don't have much time to add anything, but I had two thoughts on the very beginning of the scene.

[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Welcome to the afterlife, Neo. You're dead.

or

[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] You're in a virtual construct.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Virtual construct, what is this?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] A computer world created by AI.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] AI, what is this?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] I'd love to explain this, but we don't have the time.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Time, what is--
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Stop that! You may be the one, but you're not the Emissary.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Aggressive, adversarial.

Ack. Break over, can't work on it anymore.[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Morpheus: Welcome to the afterlife, Neo. You're dead.[/quote:post_uid0]

Oh, I love that...

Problem is, it depends on the scene being established. And we don't really have that, especially since we skipped over Neo being plugged in last time - but it's a problem anyway, to anybody who doesn't know the order of the scenes by heart.

But if we can make it fit, it's hilarious...[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0][b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Welcome to the afterlife, Neo. You're dead.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] For someone who's dead, I feel like I'm in good health. [/quote:post_uid0][or however we could adapt whatever it was Kirk said to Spock in Patterns of Force]


[quote:post_uid0]Morpheus: Neo, this is your brain. This is your brain on the Matrix. Any questions?
Neo: Yes, sir. Permission to freak out?
Morpheus: Granted. No, wait, that's not right...
Neo: Aarrrghh! Noooo, it's all impossible! All of it! Lies, all lies! I can feel myself going craz--ack!
Morpheus: That wasn't very nice, Trinity.
Trinity: No, it certainly was not very nice of him to disturb my nap. Serves him right.[/quote:post_uid0][/color:post_uid0]

[Trip]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0][b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] This is the Construct. Here, we can create big guns, cool shades, and enough black leather to cover Toronto.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Sweet! Can I have a Coke?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] No.

[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Are you saying we're inside a computer program?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Is that really so hard to believe? Look at yourself - you're a two-dimensional character, the plot makes no sense, and you're mainly here to shoot people.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Point.

[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] The humans scorched the sky, so robots would be cut off from the solar energy they relied on.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Those idiots! Why didn't they just attack at night?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Well, [i:post_uid0]obviousl--[/i:post_uid0] because-- umm... d'oh!

[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Without the sun, the machines turned to a new source of energy - the human body.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] No! How is that possible?!
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] I have seen the fields, Neo - the endless fields...
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Oh my god...
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Hamster wheels, Neo. Fields of giant hamster wheels, as far as the eye can see...

[b:post_uid0]Morphius:[/b:post_uid0] The Matrix is control, Neo. A computer-generated dreamworld, designed to turn a human being... into this.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] A green M&M?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Damn! Wrong pocket![/quote:post_uid0]

FUNNY. I can't beat that.

- Trip[/color:post_uid0]

[Anonymous]

[quote:post_uid0="NeoMatrix"][color=#000000:post_uid0]Morpheus: This is where we ask for things. Just dont...
Neo: I need a car.
*cars appear*
Morpheus:..ask for a car.
Neo: Whoa[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]I assume this one is based on that car commercial, right? It's funny, but like NyQuil I don't know how well known it is.[/color:post_uid0]

[Sa'ar Chasm]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Morpheus: This is our Anteroom. We try not to get it near our regular rooms.
Neo: Why?
Morpheus: You know matter and antimatter...?

Morpheus: We ask for things. Things that make us cool.
Neo: Like laxatives?
Morpheus: Those are things that make us go.

Crass, crude potty humour. I forsee getting slapped with a veto. It popped into my brain and I had to type it.

Neo: So the machines died after the sun was blocked off?
Morpheus: No, they switched to this.
Neo: Energizer batteries?
Morpheus: They kept going and going and going and going and...(Energizer bunny wanders through the Anteroom. Morpheus ventilates it).

(wince) Somebody make these funny.[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Morpheus: This is where we ask for things.
Neo: Good. I need a pair of ruby slippers badly right about now.



Neo: So the Matrix is basically a humongous holodeck.
Morpheus: Correct.
Neo: Neato. *ahem* Computer, replicate me some shades.
Computer: Request denied. Shades are irrelevant. Your pathetic attempt to look cool is futile.
Morpheus: ...Actually, "a humongous holodeck with a major attitude" would be closer to the truth.
Computer: I can't help it. You all are so, so...*hateable*. And you're too easy to make fun of.[/color:post_uid0]

[Sa'ar Chasm]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Variation on a theme:

Morpheus: The Matrix is simply a giant illusion, all run from a little cube sitting on sombody's desk somewhere.
Neo: Y'mean Barclay was right?

If it hadn't been done in the Worf/Dax wedding fiver, I'd try for a Parable of the Cave reference.[/color:post_uid0]

[Things Are Good]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Morpheus: We ask for things. Things that make us cool.
Neo: Like laxatives?
Morpheus: Those are things that make us go.[/quote:post_uid0]

I thought this was hilarious, actually.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Morpheus: This is where we get "Reloaded".
Neo: so we are inside a program?
Morpheus: Yes, and you must reboot correctly.
Neo: You mean I cant just unplug myself?
Morpheus: Please tell me you didnt just say that.

*Energizer Bunny strools by*
Neo: Wow, that bunny is still going after all these years.
Morpheus: Oh, Tank added that to the Matrix several years ago. You like it?
Neo: Just one thing. Why a pink rabbit?
Morpheus: ask Trinity.
Neo: What about the shades?
Morpheus: That would be my idea.

Neo: So how did the robots get to be so powerful?
Morpheus: We believe the Borg came and gave the robots new technology.[/color:post_uid0]

[Sa'ar Chasm]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]More variations:

Morpheus: This is where we get "Reloaded".
Neo: so we are inside a program?
Morpheus: Yes, and you must reboot correctly.
Neo: How?
Morpheus: Tap your icon and yell "ReBoot!"[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[quote:post_uid0="Standback"][color=#000000:post_uid0][b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Are you saying we're inside a computer program?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Is that really so hard to believe? Look at yourself - you're a two-dimensional character, the plot makes no sense, and you're mainly here to shoot people.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Point.[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]*howls*

oh man.... I loved that bit in particular.[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Here's another one... not as fond of it, but hey, it's there...

[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] What's with the TV?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Watch. This... is the world you know.
[b:post_uid0]TV:[/b:post_uid0] [i:post_uid0](To [/i:post_uid0]The Simpsons[i:post_uid0]' theme tune)[/i:post_uid0] Ta da daaa, ta da da da, ta-da-da-dum!
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] In the world you know, the citizens of Springfield chopped down Mister Burns' machine for blocking out the sun. Bart pulled the plug on the evil twin robot he built. In the real world... these episodes ended differently.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Whoa. What episode was it that robots took over the world and locked all the humans in a giant holodeck?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Actually, that was over in [i:post_uid0]ALF[/i:post_uid0].

Note: The sun-blocking machine was of course from "Who Shot Mister Burns"... The robot one was made up, but someone here probably knows a real episode that might be applicable.[/color:post_uid0]

[PointyHairedJedi]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Well, there's [i:post_uid0]Insurrection[/i:post_uid0], but that wasn't robots. And of course there's [i:post_uid0]Westworld[/i:post_uid0], but in that case the robots dodn't so much lock everyone up as try to kill them.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Do we have any more variations? If not, lets decide on one and go on.[/color:post_uid0]

[Sa'ar Chasm]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Neo: We're in a computer?
Morpheus: Is that so hard to believe? Watch what happens when I try to do two things at once (White space turns blue)
Neo: 200 years in the future and you're *still* using Windows ME?[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[quote:post_uid0="Sa'ar Chasm"][color=#000000:post_uid0]Neo: We're in a computer?
Morpheus: Is that so hard to believe? Watch what happens when I try to do two things at once (White space turns blue)
Neo: 200 years in the future and you're *still* using Windows ME?[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]95 or 98 would be more apropos. Those were [i:post_uid0]notorious[/i:post_uid0] for blue screen casualty rate...[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="taya17"][quote:post_uid0="Sa'ar Chasm"]Neo: We're in a computer?
Morpheus: Is that so hard to believe? Watch what happens when I try to do two things at once (White space turns blue)
Neo: 200 years in the future and you're *still* using Windows ME?[/quote:post_uid0]
95 or 98 would be more apropos. Those were [i:post_uid0]notorious[/i:post_uid0] for blue screen casualty rate...[/quote:post_uid0]
I only got frozen screens (when the printer got ticked off) and Scrolling-Digit Reboots™ (when I got sloppy in a particular MS-DOS game). Guess I must not have been doing it right... [img:post_uid0]http://3sygma.com/fiveminute/forums/html/non-cgi/emoticons/sad.gif[/img:post_uid0]

I've been keeping quiet because most of my favorites so far are my own suggestions. Though I also think the attempts to get "reloaded" in there are good. And all of them are funny.[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]My votes are for myself so far... Particularly these three:

[quote:post_uid0][b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Are you saying we're inside a computer program?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Is that really so hard to believe? Look at yourself - you're a two-dimensional character, the plot makes no sense, and you're mainly here to shoot people.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Point.

[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Without the sun, the machines turned to a new source of energy - the human body.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] No! How is that possible?!
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] I have seen the fields, Neo - the endless fields...
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Oh my god...
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Hamster wheels, Neo. Fields of giant hamster wheels, as far as the eye can see...

[b:post_uid0]Morphius:[/b:post_uid0] The Matrix is control, Neo. A computer-generated dreamworld, designed to turn a human being... into this.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] A green M&M?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Damn! Wrong pocket![/quote:post_uid0]

I didn't like most of the other suggestions too much... exceptions being the "Welcome to the afterlife, Neo," which is funny but difficult tro work in, and the new Windows joke (although that particular one people seemed to really like my version...)

Am racking my brains for alternate versions.

Oh - possibly just to avoid stage directions...

[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] We're in a computer?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Is that so hard to believe? Watch what happens when I try to do two things at once.
[b:post_uid0]Loading Program:[/b:post_uid0] Fatal Error at Location 19500079.3.42D. If this problem persists, please contact the program's manufacturer.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] 200 years in the future and you're *still* using Windows ME?[/color:post_uid0]

[Derek]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] We were at the height of our civilization until we created AI.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] You mean Artificial Intelligence?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] No, American Idol. That show singlehandedly reduced us to the state we're in now.

or building off of Standback's suggestion with a recent Enterprise episode,

[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Are you saying we're inside a computer program?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Is that really so hard to believe? Look at yourself - you're a two-dimensional character, the plot makes no sense, and you're mainly here to shoot people.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Point. So how did this happen?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Well, some scientists went to look for wreckage from a spherical ship in the Arctic Circle and....[/color:post_uid0]

[Sa'ar Chasm]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I really, really like Standback's "You're here mainly to shoot people" scene. I can live without most of my suggestions, except maybe the most recent one about the Bluescreen.

As for nitpicking the version, I use ME (Many Errors) and I get a BSoD at least once a week, sometimes more.[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="Derek"][b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] We were at the height of our civilization until we created AI.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] You mean Artificial Intelligence?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] No, American Idol. That show singlehandedly reduced us to the state we're in now.[/quote:post_uid0]
:lol:^8 My new favorite, I think!

[quote:post_uid0][b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Are you saying we're inside a computer program?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Is that really so hard to believe? Look at yourself - you're a two-dimensional character, the plot makes no sense, and you're mainly here to shoot people.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Point. So how did this happen?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Well, some scientists went to look for wreckage from a spherical ship in the Arctic Circle and....[/quote:post_uid0]

Another good one! :lol:

:think: Come to think of it, the last line in this last scenario could be just about anything. We could tie it in with Stargate, or any of a number of other things.[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]I really, really like Standback's "You're here mainly to shoot people" scene. I can live without most of my suggestions, except maybe the most recent one about the Bluescreen.[/quote:post_uid0]

You do realize, I hope, that these two are mutually exclusive?[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Perhaps a combo like this?

[quote:post_uid0]
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Are you saying we're inside a computer program?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Is that really so hard to believe? Look at yourself - you're a two-dimensional character, the plot makes no sense, and you're mainly here to shoot people.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Point. So how did this happen?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Two hundred years ago, all mankind united in celebration at the birth of A.I.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] A.I.? Artificial Intelligence?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] No, American Idol. That show singlehandedly reduced us to the state we're in now.

[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] The Matrix is control, Neo. A computer-generated dreamworld, designed to turn a human being... into this.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] A green M&M?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Damn! Wrong pocket![/quote:post_uid0]

character is interchangable with the blue screen. The battery definitely merits mention.[/color:post_uid0]

[Sa'ar Chasm]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]You do realize, I hope, that these two are mutually exclusive?[/quote:post_uid0]

The bluescreen gag can easily be postponed until a later scene, possibly the kung-fu fight or the walkthrough of the imaginary Matrix.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Personally I think the bluescreen one is too good to pass up. But I also like the gag about American Idol. I think combining it with the "here to shoot people" scene is a good idea.

just my 2 cents worth...[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]American Idol is a keeper.

Oh, instead of him pulling out a green m&m, how about him pulling out a red m&m, which we indicated earlier that they were Morpheus' favorite color.

Morphius: The Matrix is control, Neo. A computer-generated dreamworld, designed to turn a human being... into this.
Neo: A red M&M?
Morpheus: Damn! Wrong pocket!
Neo: Can I have it?
Morpheus: No, its mine *eats M&M*
Neo: Tank, load me up some red M&Ms, stat![/color:post_uid0]

[Sa'ar Chasm]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]American Idol is a keeper.
[/quote:post_uid0]

Agreed. I detest unReality TV.

[quote:post_uid0]Personally I think the bluescreen one is too good to pass up. [/quote:post_uid0]

So do I (obviously), but I think I can make it funnier in the kung-fu scene. This way we can keep the "here to shoot people" line.

Edit:
Morpheus: The Matrix is control, Neo. A computer-generated dreamworld, designed to turn a human being... into this.
Neo: A red M&M?
Morpheus: Damn! Wrong pocket!
Neo: Can I have it?
Morpheus: No, I told you the red ones are my favourite.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I know an even better place for the Blue Screen of Death joke.

In the scene where there is a "glitch" in the matrix, which leads to Morpheus' capture.[/color:post_uid0]

[Nan]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I like Sa'ar's version. I think Neo's right about the BSoD scene going best in the "Cat Resets" scene.[/color:post_uid0]

[Saxamaphone]

[quote:post_uid0="Derek"][color=#000000:post_uid0][b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] We were at the height of our civilization until we created AI.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] You mean Artificial Intelligence?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] No, American Idol. That show singlehandedly reduced us to the state we're in now.[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]This is by far the best version of this block I've seen. There are plenty of good ideas, and I personally give Sa'ar props for his good work, and is humility to hold off on jokes for later blocks (we still have a whole big ol' chunk of film to go through).

As to combining scenes - they work if you can make the seen work, I think putting it together with the "hear to shoot people" bit makes it too clumsy and it distracts from the heart of the joke.

Good stuff though. I'll put in my two cents a little further up the road, or sooner, not "soon"er... um, yeah.[/color:post_uid0]

[Nan]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Forgot to mention I also greatly like the American Idol joke. :)[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]As to combining scenes - they work if you can make the seen work, I think putting it together with the "hear to shoot people" bit makes it too clumsy and it distracts from the heart of the joke.[/quote:post_uid0]

Hmm. You're right. I really need to get used to this format...

Are we sticking to one paragraph for this block?

[quote:post_uid0]Morpheus: The Matrix is control, Neo. A computer-generated dreamworld, designed to turn a human being... into this.
Neo: A red M&M?
Morpheus: Damn! Wrong pocket!
Neo: Can I have it?
Morpheus: No, I told you the red ones are my favourite. [/quote:post_uid0]

I don't like this variation too much... The emphasis here really needs to be on the "wrong pocket," not on the running gag(?).[/color:post_uid0]

[Zeke]

[quote:post_uid0="Standback"][color=#000000:post_uid0]Are we sticking to one paragraph for this block?[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Unless absolutely [i:post_uid0]everyone[/i:post_uid0] insists on a longer version. The important part of this scene -- Morpheus' historical exposition -- shouldn't need more than one scene in the fiver.[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]My very favorite tries so far (as noted earlier, I've had a hand in an alarmingly high number of them) in no particular order:


Neo: Are you saying we're inside a computer program?
Morpheus: Is that really so hard to believe? Look at yourself - you're a two-dimensional character, the plot makes no sense, and you're mainly here to shoot people.
Neo: Point. So how did this happen?
Morpheus: Well, some scientists went to look for wreckage from a spherical ship in the Arctic Circle and....

***

Morpheus: Neo, this is your brain. This is your brain on the Matrix. Any questions?
Neo: Yes, sir. Permission to freak out?
Morpheus: Granted. No, wait, that's not right...
Neo: Aarrrghh! Noooo, it's all impossible! Lies, all lies! Somebody get me out of he--ack!
Morpheus: That wasn't very nice, Trinity.
Trinity: No, it certainly was not very nice of him to disturb my nap. Serves him right.

***

Morpheus: We were at the height of our civilization until we created AI.
Neo: You mean Artificial Intelligence?
Morpheus: No, American Idol. That show singlehandedly reduced us to the state we're in now.

***

Neo: So the Matrix is basically a humongous holodeck.
Morpheus: Correct.
Neo: Neato. *ahem* Computer, replicate me some shades.
Computer: Request denied. Shades are irrelevant. Your pathetic attempt to look cool is futile.
Morpheus: ...Actually, "a humongous holodeck with a major attitude" would be closer to the truth.
Computer: I can't help it. You all are so, so...[i:post_uid0]hateable[/i:post_uid0].[/color:post_uid0]

[PointyHairedJedi]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I'm definitely leaning towards the 'American Idol' version.[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I like the American Idol joke best, too...

My one problem with it is that, of all the versions, it is the one that least conveys the point of the scene - the startling transitions, "being in a program," dramatic posturing, etc.

I don't know how much this is considered a problem... but we might want to add another line or two to the beginning if this is the one we choose. Just something to think about.[/color:post_uid0]

[Sa'ar Chasm]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]My one problem with it is that, of all the versions, it is the one that least conveys the point of the scene - the startling transitions, "being in a program," dramatic posturing, etc.
[/quote:post_uid0]

Point? Point? We're doing a parody here, not a synopsis.

Like I should talk...right, Nan? *g*[/color:post_uid0]

[Nan]

[quote:post_uid0="Sa'ar Chasm"][color=#000000:post_uid0]Point? Point? We're doing a parody here, not a synopsis.
Like I should talk...right, Nan? *g*[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]*longsuffering smile* I didn't expect a kind of Spanish inquisition. ;)

I think it's worth keeping, but maybe some adjustment might make it a little more relevent.[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]*Ahem* Sa'ar, you might want to look at Zeke's last post. ;) He specifically identified the exposition as being the "important part".

Speaking of which...

Morpheus: Okay, time for the Big Exposition: we were at the height of our civilization until we created AI.
Neo: You mean Artificial Intelligence?
Morpheus: No, American Idol. That show singlehandedly reduced us to the state we're in now.
Neo: Which state is that? Alaska?
Morpheus: No, Neo. We are in...the Matrix. Basically a humongous holodeck.
Neo: Neato. *ahem* Computer, replicate me some shades.
Computer: Request denied. Shades are irrelevant. Your pathetic attempt to look cool is futile.
Morpheus: ...Actually, "a humongous holodeck with a major attitude" would be closer to the truth.
Computer: I can't help it. You all are so, so...[i:post_uid0]hateable[/i:post_uid0].


Unfortunately, that kind of detracts from the AI joke's impact, I think. But we can probably use up to halfway through Morpheus's third line if we want.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]my MOM, of all people, inspired this one.

Neo: So, you mean almost anything is possible here?
Morpheus: For most of us, yes, most things are possible. You, on the other hand, will never be able to do one thing.
Neo: What's that?
Morpheus: Act.

Sorry, but I think the only reason why Keanu Reeves is in the movie is for asthetic purposes. He sure doesn't add to the dramatic tension, for one... :D[/color:post_uid0]

[Sa'ar Chasm]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Neo: So, you mean almost anything is possible here?
Morpheus: For most of us, yes, most things are possible. You, on the other hand, will never be able to do one thing.
Neo: What's that?
Morpheus: Act.
[/quote:post_uid0]

We tried that joke last block.[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Hmmm... how about these variations...

[quote:post_uid0]
Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] The evil machines trapped all of humanity in a world where we can fly, run along walls, create anything we want...
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Cool! Um, I mean, major bummer, man.
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] And don't you forget it. It all started when man created AI...
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Artificial Intelligence?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] No, American Idol. That show singlehandedly reduced us to the state we're in now.[/quote:post_uid0]

or:

[quote:post_uid0]
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] We were at the height of our civilization until we created AI.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] You mean Artificial Intelligence?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] No - American Idol.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Ouch. Harsh, man.
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] That show brought us to our present state, melting our minds and turning the human being... into this.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] A green M&M?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Damn! Wrong pocket!
[/quote:post_uid0]

-------------------------------

It is becoming increasingly clear to me that combining jokes makes them less funny - only the last one retains its punch. I have come to the conclusion that it is not the scenes we are writing that are so funny - it's [i:post_uid0]the spaces between the paragraphs[/i:post_uid0]. The ultimate fiver would just be:

[quote:post_uid0]
[/quote:post_uid0]

Only more so.[/color:post_uid0]

[PointyHairedJedi]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The ulitimate minamilist fiver. It's even better than the one for [i:post_uid0]Doom[/i:post_uid0].[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="Sa'ar Chasm"]We tried that joke last block.[/quote:post_uid0]

Ooops. Forgive my ignorance. :offers sacrifice to God of Fivers:

[quote:post_uid0="Standback"]It is becoming increasingly clear to me that combining jokes makes them less funny - only the last one retains its punch. I have come to the conclusion that it is not the scenes we are writing that are so funny - it's [i:post_uid0]the spaces between the paragraphs[/i:post_uid0]. The ultimate fiver would just be:

[quote:post_uid0]
[/quote:post_uid0]

Only more so.[/quote:post_uid0]

I think those would be more effective with Enterprise fivers because nothing of real substance happens in Enterprise episodes. :D[/color:post_uid0]

[Saxamaphone]

[quote:post_uid0="Standback"][color=#000000:post_uid0]I have come to the conclusion that it is not the scenes we are writing that are so funny - it's [i:post_uid0]the spaces between the paragraphs[/i:post_uid0].[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Sounds like jazz - you have to listen to the notes I'm not playing ;)

Anyway - some authors take a different approach. I come from the [i:post_uid0]Marc School of Fiving[/i:post_uid0], so I see the scenes as having to be short, concise with a single punchline.

Some authors take a more situational humor approach, the scene isn't necassarily focused on a single punchline, but the characterisation and actions are what's funny.

You can take any of a different number of approaches - I just prefer the single, 3 line [i:post_uid0]American Idol[/i:post_uid0] joke. It explains what esentially goes on in the scene - Morpheus tell Neo about the world he lives in now (it may not mention the Matrix - but people can fill in the gaps on their own) and it's hilarious. Of course, I've always been a big fan of Derek's work, so I do have a little bias.

At any rate - I would say the problem is the disision of a legnth of this fiver, not more ideas. I'm not one to stiffle creativity - if you thing you got a better idea for this scene, love to hear it - but maybe if we don't have any of those ideas - let's not throw them out there if we're just doing it to jumpstart the discusion.

This is my suggestion for a longer scene:

[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] The world as you knew it exists now only as part of a neural-interactive simulation that we call the Matrix.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Ugh, I've been playing SimCity far too long.
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] We were at the height of our civilization until we created AI.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] You mean Artificial Intelligence?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] No, American Idol. That show singlehandedly reduced us to the state we're in now.

I suggest just the last half for a shorter scene.[/color:post_uid0]

[Zeke]

[quote:post_uid0="taya17"][color=#000000:post_uid0]I think those would be more effective with Enterprise fivers because nothing of real substance happens in Enterprise episodes.[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Hey. :)

Anyway, I think sax's scene (full version) is worth voting on. Who's in favour?[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I like it, but it has no battery joke :([/color:post_uid0]

[Derek]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Sound good to me.[/color:post_uid0]

[Sa'ar Chasm]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Do it, Rockapella.

(That's a yes)[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Sax's latest full version is fine with me.[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I'm in favor. :)[/color:post_uid0]

[Zeke]

And that's a quorum. On to the next block.