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Zeke
08-25-2003, 02:11 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]We skip a couple of very short scenes, and then...

Morpheus and Neo are walking down a busy street (still in their training program, but it's simulating the Matrix now). As Morpheus explains about the Agents, a hot girl in a red dress passes by, and Neo can't help staring. Morpheus calls him on it, telling him to look at the girl again; when he does, she's turned into an Agent, who points his gun at Neo's head as Morpheus freezes the program. Neo gets over his shock (he didn't know it was a simulation; that was Morpheus's revenge for [i:post_uid0]Much Ado About Nothing[/i:post_uid0]), and Morpheus explains more about Agents. Apparently no resistance member has ever defeated one. Morpheus explains, however, that he's confident Neo will -- not because he can dodge bullets, but because "when you're ready, you won't have to."

One scene. Synopsis here (http://www.hackvan.com/pub/stig/scripture/matrix/17-the-gatekeepers.txt). Let's stay on-topic this time, folks.[/color:post_uid0]

NeoMatrix
08-25-2003, 04:42 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Woman in Red Dress: You never called me. Do you not love me anymore?
Neo: Im sorry, I have been busy.
Woman: Busy? Now I am pissed *turns in an agent*
Morpheus: I told you she was too much for you.[/color:post_uid0]

NAHTMMM
08-25-2003, 02:23 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Woman in a Red Dress: La de da de da...
Morpheous: These Agents are tough customers, Neo. But if anyone can beat them, you can. Because you're special.
Neo: Hey, I think that woman stole Tank's red dress.
Morpheous: That was a disturbing way of putting it. But have you heard a single word I've said?
Neo: Hmm? Oh, yeah, the Agents are tough and all. Pfft, I survived a fall off of a skyscraper, an Agent or five will be no problem at all for me.
Agent in a Red Dress: I resent that.
Neo: Now [i:post_uid0]that[/i:post_uid0] is disturbing.
Agent: Sorry. There weren't any phone booths nearby.[/color:post_uid0]

Derek
08-25-2003, 04:40 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Well, here's some thoughts. Do with them as you will.

[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Woah! Check out that woman in the red dress.
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] You think she's a turn on, but really she'll turn on you.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] I'm okay with that.
[b:post_uid0]Agent:[/b:post_uid0] No, dummy, I'm an agent.

[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] So what are the agents?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] They are the gatekeepers, --
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Am I the keymaster?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] I thought I told Tank [i:post_uid0]not[/i:post_uid0] to download the script to [i:post_uid0]Ghostbusters[/i:post_uid0].

[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] As we walk through this deliberately monochrome city, try not to notice the very obvious woman in the red dress.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] No worries. I'm too busy looking at that woman in the red -- D'OH![/color:post_uid0]

taya17
08-27-2003, 04:49 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Okay, how about this?


[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Agents are the worst, evillest, foulest things you can encounter in the Matrix.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Right. Ooh, woman in red dress! Sweet!
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] You don't ever meet one.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Right. Ooh.
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] And you've got a third leg growing out of your stomach.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Right. Ooh.
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] I knew you weren't paying attention. Shoot him!
[b:post_uid0]Agent:[/b:post_uid0] With pleasure!



Or, how about:


[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Agents are the most dangerous things here. But you don't have to worry about dealing with them, because you have the most powerful weapon in the history of this place in your arsenal.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] What?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Your old movies.[/color:post_uid0]

Standback
08-27-2003, 05:23 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]I was thinking of turning this one around a bit, thusly:

[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] ...and everybody here in the Matrix is really our enemy, because the Agents are too strong for us, so otherwise we'd have nobody to shoot.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Hey! Look at her - I think she's about to turn into an Agent!
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Dammit, Neo, are you listening to me, or looking at the woman in the red dress?

Offhand, I can also offer the complete non sequitur:

[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Neo! Don't look at the woman in the red dress?
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] What? Why not?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Because the red ones are my [i:post_uid0]favourite![/i:post_uid0]

OK, we probably won't use that one, but it has a certain absurdist charm to it... :D[/color:post_uid0]

Sa'ar Chasm
08-28-2003, 05:36 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Morpheus: Because the red ones are my favourite!
[/quote:post_uid0]

It's the gag that keeps on giving...and giving, and giving, and giving.

Personally, I'm in favour of Taya's...sorry, 17's "Your old movies" bit. Personally, I got nothing. I got buckets of nothing. I have so much nothing I'm considering bottling and selling it for 99.99.99.[/color:post_uid0]

NeoMatrix
08-28-2003, 01:18 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Morpheus: Agents are the bad guys. We are the good guys. Got it?
Neo: So how do we stop them?
Morpheus: By giving them the woman in the red dress.
-------------------------------------------------------
Morpheus: Hurry up, the light is changing.
Neo: I just stepped in gum, give me a minute.
Morpheus: I will just be waiting over here by this sexy woman in the red dress.
*Neo jumps over the street*
Neo: Don't ever fall for the wrong women, they could be agents
Morpheus: How do you know?
Neo: They are the one that wear black shoes and carry loaded guns.
-------------------------------------------------------
Morpheus: Somebody has to face the agents so we can open the gate.
Neo: How do we do that?
Morpheus: I believe you are the one that can defeat them
Neo: So how do we open the gate?
Morpheus: You must find the DVD to the right movie that you were in.
Neo: Can't I just fly over the gate?
Morpheus: hmmm, I never thought of that.[/color:post_uid0]

taya17
08-29-2003, 12:26 AM
[quote:post_uid0="Sa'ar Chasm"][color=#000000:post_uid0]Personally, I got nothing. I got buckets of nothing. I have so much nothing I'm considering bottling and selling it for 99.99.99.[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]But Sa'ar, surely you know that In Real Life, nothing is free. So why would anyone want to pay for [i:post_uid0]nothing[/i:post_uid0]?


:D[/color:post_uid0]

NAHTMMM
08-29-2003, 02:15 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]That reminds me, Cypher's "Oh, nothing" is probably coming up in a few scenes. ;)

[quote:post_uid0]Morpheus: ...so yeah, it's a thankless job, but somebody's got to do it. ...Neo, stop glancing around everywhere and pay attention to me. What's wrong with you?
Neo: This is a holodeck, right? Well, I've seen The Next Generation. I know what holodecks do: they mess up and threaten everybody's life every single time someone uses them. Hear me, all you holographic people? I'm keeping an eye on all of y--ooh, a cute girl...
Morpheus: Remember what you said about the likelihood of the holodeck malfunctioning, Neo?
Neo: Um, yeah, why?
Woman in a Red Dress: It's about to happen again. *poof*
Neo: EEK! Computer, freeze program!
Morpheus: Aww, why'd you have to do that? We were just getting to the good part.[/quote:post_uid0]

Here's a better one.
[quote:post_uid0]Neo: Wow, check out the cutie in the red dress!
Morpheus: I wouldn't get too excited. She may not be in a blue dress, but she's trouble.
Neo: What are you talking about? She can't possibly be trouble! She looks like an angel, she even walks like an angel...
Cutie in a Red Dress: *poof*
Neo: Yikes! You're a devil in disguise!
Agent: About time you got wise.[/quote:post_uid0][/color:post_uid0]

taya17
08-29-2003, 02:19 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]:Elvis turns in his grave:


Of course, if you believe that Elvis is still alive, then that line doesn't apply to you ;)[/color:post_uid0]

AKAArzosah
08-29-2003, 05:11 AM
[quote:post_uid0="Derek"][color=#000000:post_uid0][b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Woah! Check out that woman in the red dress.
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] You think she's a turn on, but really she'll turn on you.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] I'm okay with that.
[b:post_uid0]Agent:[/b:post_uid0] No, dummy, I'm an agent.[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]I like this one best. It should a least be included, I think.[/color:post_uid0]

NAHTMMM
08-30-2003, 01:43 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]I'm strongly tempted to rip off "Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress", but I can't see anyone getting out the two lines that would be required in the split-second after Neo suddenly finds himself on the business end of a gun. ;)

[quote:post_uid0]Woman in a Red Dress: Knock knock, Neo.
Neo: Oh goody, another joke. Who's there?
Woman: In a moment, an Agent who'll be sticking a gun in your face.
Neo: In a moment, an Agent who'll be sticking a gun in your face who?
Agent: Sigh.
Neo: Whoa, I totally wasn't expecting that for a punchline!
Morpheus: Somehow, I'm not surprised.[/quote:post_uid0]

Or we could go the Monty Python route and have the Agent respond, "*Nobody* expects an Agent's target acquisition!" or something like that.[/color:post_uid0]

PointyHairedJedi
09-03-2003, 05:01 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Morpheus: The most important thing to remember is that nothing is what it seems.
Neo: Uh huh...
Morpheus: Were you paying attention, Neo, or were you watching that Agent walk past? Well, look again.
Neo: AHHHHHHH!
Cher: Gets them every time.

It's not all that funny, I know, but I can't pass up such a good oppertunity for Cher-bashing.[/color:post_uid0]

Sa'ar Chasm
09-03-2003, 05:42 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Let's see what I can do with it...

Morpheus: The most important thing to remember is that nothing is what it seems.
Neo: ...nothing as it seems.
Morpheus: Danger can lurk anywhere.
Neo...anger can be anyone, yeah, yeah.
Morpheus: Were you paying attention, Neo, or were you watching that chick in the red dress walk past? Well, look again.
Cher: I got you, babe.
Neo: AHHHHHHH! Oh, the humanity!
Morpheus: The beautiful thing about this training program is that I can turn back time and do this again.

Didn't really make it funnier, but it's longer and contains more song lyrics.[/color:post_uid0]

NAHTMMM
09-03-2003, 06:13 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Surely you could stick "believe" in there somewhere? ;)

[i:post_uid0]Neo...anger can be anyone, yeah, yeah. I believe you.[/i:post_uid0][/color:post_uid0]

Standback
09-04-2003, 05:20 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]I'm not much one for song lyrics. I keep seeing all these really long entries, that seem much too much for such a minor scene. If PHJ's isn't dependant on the song lyrics, I think it could be shortened to the last three lines:

[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Were you paying attention, Neo, or were you watching that Agent walk past? Look again.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] AHHHHHHH!
[b:post_uid0]Cher:[/b:post_uid0] Gets them every time.

I would consider going with this.[/color:post_uid0]

Zeke
09-05-2003, 09:56 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Hmmmm... we're eleven days in, but it doesn't look like any of the versions suggested so far have really caught on. Maybe we need a fresh take on the material.[/color:post_uid0]

Derek
09-05-2003, 11:52 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]I actually like Standback's "the red ones are my favorite."[/color:post_uid0]

NAHTMMM
09-06-2003, 02:32 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Question. I seem to remember reading something about scenes "in" the Matrix being tinged with green. Or was it the scenes "outside" the Matrix that were tinged with green? And did the moviemakers do any other color coordination?


On an oddly related note:

[quote:post_uid0]Agent: *BOO!* --Did I scare you?
Neo: Nahh. "Wearing red, you're good as dead." You redshirts are pitiful.
Agent: Ahem. I'm wearing a red *dress*.
Neo: Yeah, I noticed. I'm trying to purge the image from my mind, okay?[/quote:post_uid0][/color:post_uid0]

taya17
09-06-2003, 06:04 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]I would vote for the Cher one, except that it's too long with all the lyrics and doesn't make sense without them.[/color:post_uid0]

Derek
09-06-2003, 04:06 PM
[quote:post_uid0="NAHTMMM"][color=#000000:post_uid0]Question. I seem to remember reading something about scenes "in" the Matrix being tinged with green. Or was it the scenes "outside" the Matrix that were tinged with green? And did the moviemakers do any other color coordination?[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Inside the Matrix has a green tint; outside has a blue tint.

The movie [i:post_uid0]The Thirteenth Floor[/i:post_uid0] did some similar things with color as well.[/color:post_uid0]

NAHTMMM
09-06-2003, 07:50 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Actually, that wasn't the movie I was thinking of involving... ;)


[quote:post_uid0]Morpheus: While we're waiting for the trial run to begin, I'm going to continue telling you how dumb the general public is and how special you are, despite the very real dangers of further inflating your ego and of encouraging you to continue making lame movies.
Neo: Okay. So, now we're back in the Matrix, I see.
Morpheus: You mean you haven't caught on to the green-versus-blue thing yet?
Neo: What green-versus-blue thing?
Morpheus: Sigh. I brought you here to test a system where we make any nearby Agents appear to be wearing red, but some --- --- tells me that you and color-coding don't mix.
Neo: Any Agents around here should be in red, huh? That's handy to know. Hey, check out that cutie in red! I wish I had her number!
Agent: Sigh. Does he [i:post_uid0]always[/i:post_uid0] make it this easy to ridicule him?
Morpheus: Surprising, isn't it?[/quote:post_uid0]

Those who have seen the movie in question can fill in the blanks for themselves. ;) I have my doubts that that joke will make the final cut, so I didn't see the point in spoiling anyone.[/color:post_uid0]

taya17
09-08-2003, 02:37 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]I thought of one this morning over breakfast, which completely rips off one of Zeke's fivers. :D

[b:post_uid0]Morpheus[/b:post_uid0]: You must watch out for agents. They're the most dangerous things ever.
[b:post_uid0]Neo[/b:post_uid0]: HUBBA HUBBA HUBBA!
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus[/b:post_uid0]: Are you listening to me, or are you looking at the woman in the red dress?
[b:post_uid0]Neo[/b:post_uid0]: Er, Morpheus? She isn't wearing a red dress. At all!
[b:post_uid0]Agent[/b:post_uid0]: Surprise!
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus[/b:post_uid0]: [b:post_uid0][i:post_uid0]KIIIID![/i:post_uid0][/b:post_uid0]

Can't exactly remember the name of the kid who programmed the lady in the red dress. Don't sue, Zeke, I'll provide royalties ;)[/color:post_uid0]

NeoMatrix
09-08-2003, 03:19 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Morpheus: The Matrix is a dangerous place. Anyone still plugged in can become an agent.
Neo: Hey look, its that woman in the blue dress.
Morpheus: That is Monica, and she is dangerous.
Monica: Indeed I am *hits Neo on the head*
-----------------------------------------------------
Morpheus: The Matrix is a dangerous place. Anyone still plugged in can become an agent.
Neo: Hey look, its the hot chick in the red dress.
Morpheus: Careful Neo, she could be dangerous.
Neo: Nah, she looks so innocent.
Morpheus: The lesson you should learn today is to always be on the look out for....
*Neo runs into a pole*
Morpheus:...poles.
Neo: Poles? I thought it was agents.
Morpheus: First we must work on the poles, then the agents.[/color:post_uid0]

taya17
09-09-2003, 01:01 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Or perhaps:

[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Agents are the most dangerous things in the Matrix.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Why?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] You want to know? Check out the woman in the red dress.
[b:post_uid0]Agent:[/b:post_uid0] Surprise!
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Hot damn! No wonder! They're [i:post_uid0]women[/i:post_uid0] in disguise![/color:post_uid0]

NAHTMMM
09-09-2003, 01:27 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Morpheus: In the Matrix, Neo, nobody realizes they're being enslaved. Anyone can be an Agent in disguise, and anyone will fight for the devils that control them.
(A stunning woman in a red dress passes close to Neo)
Neo: Wow! *gasp*
Morpheus: Neo, Neo, Neo. Already you're being swayed by those silk lips. If you keep that up, odds are you won't live to see tomorrow.
Neo: Silk lips? *gasp* What lips? I'm being suffocated by that awful stench she's giving off. Is she wearing napalm or something?
Agent Orange: Errm, not exactly...
Neo: Yikes!***
Morpheus: Relax, silly. We're still on the holodeck.
Neo: You mean someone programmed this? So why is a guy named Orange wearing red?
Morpheus: Because the red ones are my favorite.[/quote:post_uid0]


***End the scene here to shorten it. Morpheus's opening monologue can be cut drastically too.



[i:post_uid0](What [/i:post_uid0]is[i:post_uid0] it with me and song references all of a sudden? :suspicious: :S ;))[/i:post_uid0][/color:post_uid0]

Standback
09-09-2003, 06:00 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0](What is it with me and song references all of a sudden? )[/quote:post_uid0]

I don't know, NAHT, but they're starting to get annoying, mainly because the only songs I know are from Broadway musicals, barbershop quartets, and Gilbert and Sullivan operettas. So all is I see is bizarre, contrived, nonsensical lines. AND they're really long. ;)

We really don't seem to be finding anything catchy, do we? Taya's last one ("They're [i:post_uid0]women[/i:post_uid0] in disguise!") I like... short and to the point... NeoMatrix, I liked the basic jokes in your last post, but the wording and delivery could use a bit of work - I'll see if I can polish them up a bit later, maybe that would work... but at the moment I find myself leaning towards my original "red ones are my favorite"...[/color:post_uid0]

Kira
09-09-2003, 01:57 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Here's my take on this. (Anyone who hasn't seen [i:post_uid0]Reloaded[/i:post_uid0] may not get the second scene.)

[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] The most important thing about the Matrix, Neo, is to always be on your guard and never to be distracted by, say, extremely hot women in red dresses.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Hey! How come she's wearing a dress this time?
(She morphs into an Agent)
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Gyaa!
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] That's why.

[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] No one has ever defeated an Agent, Neo. They are extremely dangerous.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] How bad can it be? It's not like I'll ever have to fight a hundred of them at a time or something.

If Morpheus' "That's why" line isn't clear (if the woman wasn't wearing anything, the Agent wouldn't be either), I'm open to suggestions.[/color:post_uid0]

NAHTMMM
09-09-2003, 02:48 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]I like Kira's scene.


And the reason my suggestions are so long is that they are just brainstorms. I'm just throwing whatever jokes I can think of out there for consideration, incidentally trying to integrate them into a whole scene so they have some kind of context. They're usually meant to be picked apart for any bits you all might particularly like.


(Edit)Plus sometimes I have a good idea for a joke, but I don't know how I should condense it to proper length. So I try to lay out what I'm getting at so that others can have a chance at improving it.


Sorry about the confusingness, Standback. I'm kinda surprised at all these songs that mention a woman wearing either a color or a dress in their titles. Have I stumbled upon a new subgenre here...? :suspicious:


Morpheus: Agents are almost impossible to beat in a fight. But with the proper preparation, Neo, I think you can beat them.
Neo: Ha, of course I can! I'll kick their butts and send them crying home to their mothers! I totally rock now that I know kung--
Woman: (turns into an Agent) Boo.
Neo: EEEEK! *I want my mommy!*
Agent: Wimp.[/color:post_uid0]

NeoMatrix
09-11-2003, 02:14 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Woman in the Red Dress: Hello Mr Anderson
Neo: Why do I get that odd feeling when you said that
Agent Smith: Hello Mr. Anderson
Neo: For the last time, call me Neo! N-E-O! Is that so hard for you to remember? Next time, im going to kick your ass.
Morpheus: Neo!
Neo: See, Morpheus knows my name.[/color:post_uid0]

taya17
09-11-2003, 04:53 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Hmm... I dunno. I think I like Kira's "not like I have to fight a hundred" one better than most of the rest... I also like my "they're women in disguise" one as well, but it's probably personal bias ;)[/color:post_uid0]

Standback
09-12-2003, 03:32 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]So? What, there's something wrong with personal bias?[/color:post_uid0]

NAHTMMM
09-12-2003, 05:46 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Morpheus: Remember, Neo, all of these people have the potential to be possessed by an Agent at any time, anywhere.
Woman in a Red Dress: [i:post_uid0](speaking to Neo)[/i:post_uid0] Excuse me, I don't want to bug you, but could you tell me--
Neo: AAAHH! Run, she's an Agent! [i:post_uid0](takes off into the crowd)[/i:post_uid0]
Woman in a Red Dress: What's with *him*?
Morpheus: Beats me. I guess he just didn't want to be bugged.[/color:post_uid0]

NeoMatrix
09-12-2003, 11:48 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]I like that one. Actually, I like them all.[/color:post_uid0]

taya17
09-13-2003, 02:33 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]So do I, but we've got to pick one. I'm still for my "they're women in disguise" one, though. Standback is absolutely right, there's nothing wrong with personal bias :D[/color:post_uid0]

Standback
09-13-2003, 08:23 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Standback is [i:post_uid0]always[/i:post_uid0] absolutely right.[/color:post_uid0]

taya17
09-14-2003, 01:32 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Everybody, I want you to memorize the FMV Mantra:

"Standback is always right.
I will listen to Standback.
I will not ignore Standback's recommendations.
Standback is God.
And if he ever has to remind you, Standback will personally rip your lungs out!"

[b:post_uid0]Little voice in head:[/b:post_uid0] What are you doing? You've just given him delusions of godhood, you moron!

Oops. :D[/color:post_uid0]

NAHTMMM
09-14-2003, 02:31 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]OK, my picks for snippets and scenes that I think most ought to be considered:


Morpheus: As we walk through this deliberately monochrome city, try not to notice the very obvious woman in the red dress.
Neo: No worries. I'm too busy looking at that woman in the red -- D'OH!

Morpheus: Neo! Don't look at the woman in the red dress!
Neo: What? Why not?
Morpheus: Because the red ones are my [i:post_uid0]favourite![/i:post_uid0]

Neo: Okay. So, now we're back in the Matrix, I see.
Morpheus: You mean you haven't caught on to the green-versus-blue thing yet?
Neo: What green-versus-blue thing?

Morpheus: The lesson you should learn today is to always be on the look out for....
*Neo runs into a pole*
Morpheus:...poles.
Neo: Poles? I thought it was agents.
Morpheus: First we must work on the poles, then the agents.

Neo: How bad can it be? It's not like I'll ever have to fight a hundred of them at a time or something.

Neo: Ha, of course I can! I'll kick their butts and send them crying home to their mothers! I totally rock now that I know kung--
Woman: (turns into an Agent) Boo.
Neo: EEEEK! *I want my mommy!*

Woman in a Red Dress: (speaking to Neo) Excuse me, I don't want to bug you, but could you tell me--
Neo: AAAHH! Run, she's an Agent! (takes off into the crowd)
Woman in a Red Dress: What's with *him*?
Morpheus: Beats me. I guess he just didn't want to be bugged.


Maybe something like this:

Neo: So now we're back in the Matrix, I see.
Morpheus: You mean you haven't caught on to the green-versus-blue thing yet?
Neo: What green-versus-blue thing?
Morpheus: Sigh. Just try not to notice the very obvious woman in the red dress, okay?
Neo: No worries. I'm too busy looking at that woman in the red -- D'OH!
Agent: Does he [i:post_uid0]always[/i:post_uid0] make it this easy to ridicule him?
Morpheus: You've obviously never seen [i:post_uid0]Babes in Toyland[/i:post_uid0].[/color:post_uid0]

Standback
09-14-2003, 05:58 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0][b:post_uid0]Little voice in head:[/b:post_uid0] What are you doing? You've just given him delusions of godhood, you moron![/quote:post_uid0]

Rest easy. You were far too late to make a difference in the first place. Although my preference for the last line would be "And if he ever has to remind you, Standback will send at you the entire army of Emperor Ka-Zor's mighty hellhounds!" I don't like that "personally" business; I'm a busy guy.[/color:post_uid0]

taya17
09-18-2003, 09:46 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]And here we go again with the month long hiatus....
:zzz:[/color:post_uid0]

NAHTMMM
09-18-2003, 02:13 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="taya17"]And here we go again with the month long hiatus....
:zzz:[/quote:post_uid0]
Seriously now, I've put out a bit of effort now and given my opinion. The least somebody could do is either comment on someone else's last offering or give us another suggestion. If everyone thought my last attempt wasn't worth commenting on, [i:post_uid0]say[/i:post_uid0] so and tell us what [i:post_uid0]is[/i:post_uid0] worth consideration.[/color:post_uid0]

Standback
09-18-2003, 04:32 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Sorry 'bout that, NAHT. Mine own opinion is already back on the previous page - namely, that none of the options really caught my eye. With the possible exception of NeoMatrix's "pole" joke... I'm just iffy about the wording on that one, most of all because I really don't like stage directions. They completely break the flow. Maybe something like this?

[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] The lesson you should learn today is to always be alert, and-- watch out for that pole!
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Owwwww! Ow. Hey, wasn't it [i:post_uid0]Agents[/i:post_uid0] we were supposed to look out for?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] First we must work on poles. Then Agents.

Given our lack of enthusiasm... I'd actually be in favor of just leaving this scene un-fived. Except that then everybody asks, "WHAT?! what about the woman in the red dress?!". Which I'm not sure the pole bit solves.

Of course, there's always the M&Ms... :D
:D[/color:post_uid0]

NAHTMMM
09-18-2003, 05:05 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]It's all right, Standback. I did like a lot of the submissions we've seen, but I agree that no single block stands out from the rest for me. I think we should definitely include this scene, because it's got a lot of potential (as we've seen with all the variety so far).

I think I'll read ahead a little and see if I can get anything from that.


First, though, I'll throw this out there:


[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] You must face Agents, Neo. It is...your desstiny.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Stop that. You're scaring me.
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Sorry. Want to chop off that woman's head and see someone else's face looking back at you?
[b:post_uid0]Agent in a Red Dress:[/b:post_uid0] Hey! Ix-nay on the opping-chay![/color:post_uid0]

NeoMatrix
09-18-2003, 05:33 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Morpheus: The Matrix is a dangerous place. Anyone still plugged in can become an agent.
Neo: Hey look, its the hot chick in the red dress.
Morpheus: Careful Neo, she could be dangerous.
Neo: Nah, she looks so innocent.
Morpheus: The lesson you should learn today is to always be on the look out for....
*Neo runs into a pole*
Morpheus:...poles.
Neo: Poles? I thought it was umm...agents.
Morpheus: First we must work on the acting skills, then the agents.
Agent Smith: I'll be waiting over here eating lunch while you work on that.[/color:post_uid0]

Sa'ar Chasm
09-18-2003, 06:35 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Morpheus: Sorry. Want to chop off that woman's head and see someone else's face looking back at you?[/quote:post_uid0]

Shades of Dagobah...[/color:post_uid0]

taya17
09-19-2003, 12:50 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]I like NAH's latest, the pole gag and the women in disguise one.[/color:post_uid0]

PointyHairedJedi
09-19-2003, 07:55 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]I like NAHs latest too.

It occurs to me that it would be a good idea for Zeke or Kira to set a deadline for these things, otherwise I get the feeling that this FBC is going to take a very long time indeed.[/color:post_uid0]

Standback
09-20-2003, 07:26 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]It occurs to me that it would be a good idea for Zeke or Kira to set a deadline for these things, otherwise I get the feeling that this FBC is going to take a very long time indeed.[/quote:post_uid0]

I second the motion.[/color:post_uid0]

taya17
09-21-2003, 02:37 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]And I third it. The lulls on these things are getting wayyy out of hand. At this rate, five sequels to the trilogy could be made and we still wouldn't have finished fiving the original. :)[/color:post_uid0]

PointyHairedJedi
09-21-2003, 08:21 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]!!!!!!!

There. If that doesn't get Zeke's attention then nothing will.[/color:post_uid0]

catalina_marina
09-21-2003, 09:13 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]:lol: :D :lol:
... But risky. :p[/color:post_uid0]

Zeke
09-22-2003, 02:05 AM
[quote:post_uid0="PointyHairedJedi"][color=#000000:post_uid0]!!!!!!!

There. If that doesn't get Zeke's attention then nothing will.[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]What makes you think I'm not paying attention? There are still about six million billion hojillion versions of the scene here with very few attracting notice; I've been waiting till one emerged that looked like it might get voted for. Anyway, Kira's about to post some candidates to move things along.[/color:post_uid0]

Kira
09-22-2003, 02:26 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]All right... what I did was go through the thread and pick out the scenes that had been commented on by people other than the author. (Sorry folks, personal bias, although acceptable, doesn't count as a vote. :D) Let's see if we can finish this thread off by voting on this short list. By which I mean ONE VOTE EACH. And let's try and refrain from voting for our own scenes (yes, myself included) -- so that means either abstain, or vote for someone else if you think theirs is better. However, I will go so far in my own favour as to point out that I'm the only one who fived the second scene, so it could be included with something else. :D)

[quote:post_uid0="Derek"][b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Woah! Check out that woman in the red dress.
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] You think she's a turn on, but really she'll turn on you.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] I'm okay with that.
[b:post_uid0]Agent:[/b:post_uid0] No, dummy, I'm an agent.[/quote:post_uid0]
[quote:post_uid0="taya17"]
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Agents are the most dangerous things here. But you don't have to worry about dealing with them, because you have the most powerful weapon in the history of this place in your arsenal.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] What?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Your old movies.[/quote:post_uid0]
[quote:post_uid0="Standback"]
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Neo! Don't look at the woman in the red dress?
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] What? Why not?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Because the red ones are my favourite![/quote:post_uid0]
[quote:post_uid0="Kira"]
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] The most important thing about the Matrix, Neo, is to always be on your guard and never to be distracted by, say, extremely hot women in red dresses.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Hey! How come she's wearing a dress this time?
(She morphs into an Agent)
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Gyaa!
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] That's why.

[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] No one has ever defeated an Agent, Neo. They are extremely dangerous.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] How bad can it be? It's not like I'll ever have to fight a hundred of them at a time or something.[/quote:post_uid0]
[quote:post_uid0="NAHTMMM"]
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] You must face Agents, Neo. It is...your destiny.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Stop that. You're scaring me.
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Sorry. Want to chop off that woman's head and see someone else's face looking back at you?
[b:post_uid0]Agent in a Red Dress:[/b:post_uid0] Hey! Ix-nay on the opping-chay![/quote:post_uid0][/color:post_uid0]

Sa'ar Chasm
09-22-2003, 02:58 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]I vote for Taya17's.

(Who said "figures"? I happen to like it the best :P )[/color:post_uid0]

Derek
09-22-2003, 03:05 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]My vote is for Standback's "the red ones are my favorites."[/color:post_uid0]

Standback
09-22-2003, 04:12 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]My vote goes for Kira's ("Why's she wearing a dress this time" if they're seperate; the vote remains even if they're meant to be taken together.)[/color:post_uid0]

taya17
09-22-2003, 10:04 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Again, Kira's "a hundred at a time" one. I think it's much funnier than the first half of the excerpt, if you don't mind my saying so...[/color:post_uid0]

catalina_marina
09-22-2003, 03:33 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]I like Kira's first scene best, too, but 17's scene is actually the second scene (I think), so it could take the place of Kira's second.

So my vote goes to first Kira's first scene, and then 17's.

... To get things complicated. Sorry for that.[/color:post_uid0]

Kira
09-22-2003, 05:38 PM
[quote:post_uid0="catalina_marina"][color=#000000:post_uid0]I like Kira's first scene best, too, but 17's scene is actually the second scene (I think)[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]::: looks ::: Why, so it is. Good call. Well, then I guess we could mix and match, depending on how the votes stack up at the end.[/color:post_uid0]

Standback
09-22-2003, 08:10 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Ech. We have trouble enough finding one joke for this scene, and you want two? :p

The hundred Agent joke is funnier, but as I prefer to keep it to one joke, and focusing on the Woman in Red, I think it's better to go with that one.[/color:post_uid0]

taya17
09-23-2003, 03:11 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]But of course, if we leave out the Hundred Agent bit the part about the agents being the most dangerous things around (which was the take-home message of the scene) gets left out, doesn't it? :suspicious:[/color:post_uid0]

Standback
09-23-2003, 04:00 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Of course. But which of the two scenes from the original movie is more memorable? ;)[/color:post_uid0]

taya17
09-25-2003, 02:05 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]And thus... the vote grinds to a halt. :sighs: :zzz:[/color:post_uid0]

NAHTMMM
09-25-2003, 02:36 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Don't worry, I'm still thinking. ;) I'll have to vote for [b:post_uid0]taya17[/b:post_uid0]'s (insert Group Adaptive Story thread joke riiight about here).

I'd like to see [b:post_uid0]Kira[/b:post_uid0]'s last line in there too, but it would be awkward at best. I guess we can use the space saved by not including it for a different joke later.[/color:post_uid0]

NeoMatrix
09-25-2003, 08:12 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]My vote goes with Kira, but this is just a funny one I thought of.

Morpheus: *insert Agent lecture here*
Neo: Wow, that is one hot woman.
Morpheus: Which one?
Neo:The one in the red....Oh crap, Agents.
Riker: Bridge to Captain Picard
Neo: Computer, Freeze Program. Yes No. One?
Riker: The Captain of the Nebuchadnezzar would like to speak with you.
Neo: I am on my way. Computer, End Program.[/color:post_uid0]

PointyHairedJedi
09-25-2003, 07:57 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]I vote for NAH's version. Again.[/color:post_uid0]

NeoMatrix
09-27-2003, 04:54 AM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]I vote to move on to Block 15. Who is with me?[/color:post_uid0]

NeoMatrix
09-27-2003, 03:28 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]I guess the thing to do is for everyone to pick one of their scenes for vote, and we can put them all in one posting, then we can vote on one.[/color:post_uid0]

catalina_marina
09-27-2003, 03:30 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Okay, so here is what we have now:

Sa'ar: 17
Derek: Standback
Standback: Kira1
17: Kira2
cat: Kira1 combined with 17
NAH: 17
Neo: Kira
PHJ: NAH[/color:post_uid0]

NAHTMMM
09-27-2003, 03:43 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Thank you, catalina. I needed that.

It looks like everyone who's posted in this thread has voted, except for Zeke, Kira, and Arzosah. Zeke doesn't count because he's been gracious enough to let us have the fun with the creative decisions, so that leaves Arzosah (who posted on the first page) and Kira, plus anyone else out there who feels like jumping in before we decide we've reached a decision.[/color:post_uid0]

Kira
09-29-2003, 02:06 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]I still like my scene so I'm abstaining.[/color:post_uid0]

catalina_marina
09-29-2003, 05:49 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]I don't think anyone else is going to vote, so let's put an end to this...

Kira's first scene seems popular, and so does 17's.
Do we combine them, pick one, or combine one with another scene?[/color:post_uid0]

Zeke
09-29-2003, 06:54 PM
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Okay, time to finish this. I think the best compromise is Kira's first scene followed by 17's:

[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] The most important thing about the Matrix, Neo, is to always be on your guard and never to be distracted by, say, extremely hot women in red dresses.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Hey! How come she's wearing a dress this time?
(She morphs into an Agent)
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Gyaa!
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] That's why.

[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Agents are the most dangerous things here. But you don't have to worry about dealing with them, because you have the most powerful weapon in the history of this place in your arsenal.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] What?
[b:post_uid0]Morpheus:[/b:post_uid0] Your old movies.

And if that's not the best compromise... cry me a river. :D[/color:post_uid0]