50th Anniversary TOS Episode Discussion Marathon

[Nate the Great]

Fifty years ago today "The Man Trap" aired in the United States (apparently two days earlier in Canada). It was followed by "Charlie X", "Where No Man Has Gone Before", "The Naked Time," and so forth.

Yikes. If that initial lineup aired in today's world of social media and instant ratings calculations, do you think the series would have survived? I don't.

Anyway, here's what I propose as a forum game for the anniversary. On the anniversary of each episode's initial broadcast (link to Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Star_Trek:_The_Original_Series), we'll use the "Initial Airdate" column), somebody (not always me, we can share the tasks) will post a link to the appropriate fiver, and talk about each episode and the fiver for the week until the next episode.

I'll start in the next post.

[Nate the Great]

September 8th, 1966, "The Man Trap"

The Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=themantrap)(by IDJ GAF)
Memory Alpha Page (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Man_Trap_(episode))
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/6.htm) (courtesy of chakoteya.net)

Thoughts:

* Wrigley's Pleasure Planet was always a funny concept to me. To me "Wrigley" still means chewing gum.
* First example of the captain's log knowing things that the cast doesn't. I mean, it's weird how the captain's log was never fully explained. How, where, and when are these "omniscient narrator" entries made?
* It seems fitting that "may the Great Bird of the Galaxy bless your planet" appears in the first episode aired.

Fiver quotes:

Captain's Log: We've beamed down to the planet to investigate the Crater of two evils.

Oh, the puns in this fiver.

Crater: It's the last creature of its kind -- much like the passenger pigeon, American buffalo, dodo bird...
Kirk: ...Diatryma, Smilodon, Tyrannosaur... I get the picture.

I looked these up. Diatryma was an early giant flightless bird whose status as carnivorous or vegetarian is in dispute. Smilodon was one of the saber-tooth tiger species. That being said, I don't understand the comparison of long-extinct species to those who went extinct in more recent times due to the interference of man.

Kirk: She's an it. It's a salt monster.
Nancy: Mmmm.... Kirk sweat....
Spock: (entering room) Shoot it, Doctor!
McCoy: I dunno, I think I need more evidence than that.
(Nancy morphs into a salt monster)
Salt Monster: Mmmm.... Kirk sweat....
McCoy: Good enough. (Fires)
Salt Monster: GAK!

Ah yes, the ever-popular Gak. But the idea that Kirk's sweat would be considered more delicious than McCoy's or Spocks has disturbing implications.

Further discoveries from the Memory Alpha page:

Mainly because this episode was chosen to be first via process of elimination, the initial reviews weren't all that great. However, this is what got David Gerrold hooked and led to many collaborations.

Comment and so forth. I hope someone else can take care of the main entry for "Charlie X" next week.

[NAHTMMM]

Great thread! :) I'll have to come back later to actually comment.

[Nate the Great]

"The Man Trap" coverage, part two.

The Nitpicker's Guide (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Nitpicker's_Guide_for_Classic_Trekkers) entry for "The Man Trap" says that Allan Asherman (author of The Star Trek Compendium) dubbed Kirk the "male Fay Wray" because of his ability to scream with expression and emotion. In this episode he does so when the salt vampire attacks him.

Clip of Spock hitting the salt vampire (the nerve pinch hasn't been invented yet) to no effect, only for it to backhand him across the room. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsogfjxlDpo) This clip also includes the Kirk scream.

A salt vampire cosplayer dances (and strips away her costume) at a Star Trek Beauty Contest at Dragoncon. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0vq3ru75tI) So, um, that happened...

You probably don't remember Sulu's pet weeper plant Gertrude (formerly known at Beuregard). Well, the creators of The Red Shirt Diaries do. I just discovered these videos, so enjoy their episode for "The Man Trap" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SfZ9Ib1xGg).
Wait until the end for a special twist. I've just seen the first episode, I want to watch the others as I make the anniversary entries here.

Hallmark made a Christmas Tree Ornament for this episode. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dH3hjUDDZ44)

[Nate the Great]

"The Man Trap" coverage, part three. All of this is from Memory Alpha.

The actress inside the salt vampire costume, Sandra Gimpel, also played a Talosian in "The Cage." The staff wanted someone small who could act in costume. She didn't know about the fandom's affection for the salt vampire until she attended her first Star Trek convention earlier this year.

I'd never noticed the salt vampire costume on display in Trelane's mansion along with other aliens.

Originally the NX-01 crew was supposed to go to Wrigley's Pleasure Planet in "Two Days and Two Nights", but Risa was substituted, as the Enterprise was supposed to be far removed from places with human names. After all, W.P.P. does sound like something Harry Mudd or Cyrano Jones would set up, right?

(Okay, this next one is Memory Beta)

If the Star Trek Roleplaying Game is to be believed, Wrigley's Pleasure Planet was built inside a hollowed-out asteroid in the solar system.

[Nate the Great]

Um, guys? Anybody besides NAHTMMM out there?

[NAHTMMM]

Good work digging all that up, Nate. I appreciate it. :)

McCoy: I'm nervous; how come I have to get the girl the first episode?
Kirk: You already got her, and she dumped you. Probably because you're not me.
McCoy: You're doing wonders for my nervousness.
In the actual episode, Kirk's teasing here felt a little cruel to me.

There have been complaints elsewhere about the salt vampire being killed. Letting it live would have been the Trek thing to do, and it should have been within the crew's capability. Stun it, beam it down to the planet, leave it some pellets. If Dr. Crater truly wants to take his chances with it, that's his decision. I don't know how well that ending would have gone over with the rest of the episode leading up to it, though.

The fiver is pretty good. It parodies the plot pretty well, brings out the creature's salt obsession, and takes the "first episode" opportunity to snark on a few Trek cliches:
Transporter Guy: (over comm) Landing party reports one casualty sir.
Spock: Meh.
Uhura: I don't believe it, a man dead and NO emotion from you!
Spock: It'll catch on with the rest of you soon enough.

[...]

McCoy: (over the comm) I found something suspicious, could you come down here?
Kirk: Why can't you say whatever it is over the comm?
McCoy: Doctor/cadaver confidentiality.
As far as citing ancient extinctions, maybe IJD deliberately had Kirk miss the point. Or maybe he was just picking words he liked.

[Nate the Great]

I assume I'm doing Charlie X on Thursday.

[Nate the Great]

September 15th, 1966, "Charlie X"

The Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=charliex) (by Derek)
Memory Alpha Page (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Charlie_X_(episode))
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/8.htm) by chakoteya.net

Thoughts on the episode:

* Charlie learned to talk by speaking to the computer? Yeah, no. Maybe if you plunked a kid in a classroom with a computer specifically programmed to teach language skills like in the NextGen episode "Rascals." In the 23rd century, with a computer designed to be used in a colony, a computer even less sophisticated than the Enterprise's? Yeah, no. At best Charlie would babble at it and the computer would respond "invalid command" over and over.
* The bottom slapping bit always seemed out of place. The final punchline needed to be stronger to justify the setup, and it wasn't.
* Since Kirk is from Iowa, the idea that he'd be the one in favor of promoting at least minimal observance of Thanksgiving makes sense.
* Ah, yes, UESPA, the United Earth Space Probe Agency (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/United_Earth_Space_Probe_Agency). After this episode and "Tomorrow is Yesterday", UESPA would be relegated to cameos. Some have suggested that any usage of a military rank instead of a naval rank (i.e. Colonel West) marks a UESPA officer, not a Starfleet one. At least this bit of early weirdness hasn't entirely gone away, unlike Vulcanians and lithium crystals.
* I'm still iffy on this whole "Thasians can teach the ability to transmute matter to humans" thing. When it comes to inhuman powers, I don't think they can be "taught." I'd think teaching a human to nerve pinch would be about the maximum possible without outright genetic modification.
* I do like how Charlie admits that the Enterprise is more complicated than the Antares and he outright can't control everything by himself. It calls to mind Scotty's jerry-rig of the ship in The Search for Spock.
* If the Thasians can grant their power without being able to take it back, I guess they're lower on the cosmic food chain than the Q, who can do it with a finger snap. I like that, they're not quite omnipotent. Call it semi-phenomenal, nearly cosmic.

Thoughts on the fiver:

I understand the Star Wars jokes, but reminding me of the prequels isn't very pleasant. Sorry, Derek.

Uhura: (singing) Charlie X, Charlie X, for you that name might vex. But be glad indeed your name's not Malcolm Reed or you'd be called Malcolm X. Ack!
Charlie: I find your lack of good lyrics disturbing.

Classic trilogy jokes, however, are a-okay.

Ramart: (over the comm) Kirk, I wanted to warn you about Charlie X. He's a Q! GAK!
Kirk: What's a "Q"?
Spock: It's a letter of the alphabet as far as I know.

Classic "Gak!" gag. Obligatory "All Good Things" reference, move along...

Rand: Argh! Enough with the Star Wars quotes already! Get out!

I'm with you on this one, Janice.

Spock: I can't believe my ears!
Charlie: I can't believe your ears either.

Okay, is this more Abbot and Castello or Marx Brothers? Decisions, decisions...

Memory Alpha thoughts:

* I wasn't aware that an early title considered was "Charlie's Law", a science joke. I remember covering this in school, but we jumped quickly to the Ideal Gas Law.
* I didn't know that Gene Roddenberry's only cameo (as a voice) was in this episode.
* I've read the Blish adaptations, but it's been a long time. I didn't know that Blish was able to save the disappeared Enterprise crew by saved by the Thasians.
* The article mentions that Charlie and the Antares crew use leftover, outdated uniforms from "The Cage." This makes sense, as when uniforms are updated priority would be given to the starship crews, with smaller ships and outposts lower down in the pecking order.
* Thanksgiving in 2266 would be on November 22nd, giving an exact "real-world" date for this episode.
* I'm amazed that at various points the Antares is called a cargo vessel, a transport ship, a science probe vessel, and a survey ship. Maybe the last two could be considered alternate terms for each other, but in general wouldn't these tasks require different kinds of crews and ship equipment? Clearly the script needed another run-through by an editor.

[Nate the Great]

C'mon guys, fiftieth anniversaries don't come along every year.

[Nate the Great]

Perhaps we need to change the thread title? "50th Anniversary TOS Episode Discussion Marathon?"

[NAHTMMM]

Sorry, I was going to rewatch Thursday but other stuff kept coming up.

From what I remember, there's an undercurrent of Kirk and the crew failing Charlie. Obviously Kirk didn't know at first how special Charlie was, and he had a ship to run and Charlie was just another passenger, but in the context of the episode Kirk doesn't look very empathetic. (In fact, looking at the transcript, Kirk tries to push the task of an initial father figure off on Bones.) I know it was '60s TV, but seriously:
Well, um, er, there are things you can do with a lady, er, Charlie, that you er. There's no right way to hit a woman. I mean, man to man is one thing, but, er, man and woman, er, it's, er, it's, er. Well it's, er, another thing. Do you understand?
No. Nobody's going to understand that.

I wonder (if I may take this into a weird meta space) how a later Kirk might have handled Charlie, during the second season for example, when the character was more familiar to the writers and Shatner. Could the episode have gone in a different direction, with Charlie and the crew finding some understanding of each other, only for Charlie to be taken away at the end despite showing promise? Would that be more or less effective?


Oh, and the fiver is very good.
Charlie: Is that a girl?
Kirk: No, those are the transporter controls. This is your first time around other people, isn't it?
Classic parodic lines. And the Star Wars jokes are wonderfully over-the-top.

[Nate the Great]

September 22nd, 1966, "Where No Man Has Gone Before"

The Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=wherenomanhasgonebefore) (by Zeke)
Memory Alpha Page (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Where_No_Man_Has_Gone_Before_(episode))
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/2.htm)by chakoteya.net

Thoughts on the episode:

* Ah yes, the second pilot. The one that would never have been made in today's television industry. Today "The Cage" would've been rejected and Star Trek never would've happened.
* One of Spock's ancestors married a human? Why wasn't the precise nature of Spock's heritage in the series bible? Sarek and Amanda should've been in the series bible by now.
* Lots of outdated technobabble. I've already preached enough on this topic, I'll move on.
* I always hate it when a show's cast introduces themselves and their specialties in turn. There had to have been a way to do this more organically.
* Like many fans, I interpret the "little blonde lab technician" as Carol Marcus.
* "James R. Kirk." I wonder what name starting with "R" would have been as memetic as "Tiberius".

Thoughts on the fiver:

Kelso: Are you sure? Could be risky.
Kirk: Risk? Risk is our business! That's what this starship is all abou--
Spock: Ahem. Jim? Not till the one where we switch brains with robots.
Kirk: Oh yeah. Sorry.

I always did love the "risk is our business" quote. I remember that the novel Imzadi says that Kirk adopted that phrase as the title of his autobiography.

Kirk: Okay, activate the transporter.
Scotty: You mean the materializer, right?
Kirk: Materializer? Yeesh, even Archer called it a transporter! What kind of losers are we?

Oh yeah, that's a lame name. Even "Vulcanian" isn't that pathetic.

Sulu: Mitchell's powers are doubling every day. Think of it this way, sir: suppose you make one penny today, then two pennies tomorrow, four pennies the next day, and so on. Know what happens after a month? You get busted for forgery.
Kirk: I'm not sure I followed that.
Spock: Try "us good, Gary bad."
Kirk: Hmmm...yeah, that's better. Let's dump him on a planet and run.

Classic twist on the "wheat and chessboard problem (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wheat_and_chessboard_problem)" (I remember the rice variant, but whatever Wikipedia says, goes, I guess).

Piper: Mitchell left after killing Kelso and putting you and Spock to sleep.
Kirk: How did he do that?
Piper: According to our security camera, he started reading out the script of Star Trek: The Motion Picture.

Nobody deserves that kind of torture.

Kirk: Sorry you got, you know, killed.
Dehner: Meh, no biggie. It was... fun....
Kirk: Why do I feel like I just looked into my own grave?

Yikes, Z. How many shoutouts to other episodes and movies can you fit into one fiver?

Kirk: "James R. Kirk."
Spock: Right. What's with that? A god wouldn't make such a grave mistake.
Kirk: What mistake? It was a sentence: "James are Kirk." Which I are.
Spock: Hmm... becoming the brains of this outfit may be easier than I expected.

Was the juxtaposition of a clever pun with a lame pun your intention? Because that was clever if so.

Memory Alpha thoughts:

* I'd forgotten about Sulu's shifting job description in the early episodes. I almost wonder if this is similar to Chekov and Wesley having multiple jobs to better round out their education and training.
* They bring up Kirk and Mitchell's visit to Deneb IV, to be featured in "Encounter at Farpoint." Odd, while watching that episode I got the impression that Deneb IV had only recently joined the galactic community, perhaps wanting to leverage Farpoint Station and its new trading position to increase it's position.
* I knew that Isaac Asimov was a fan, but didn't know that he first encountered the show at a screening, nor did I know that Roddenberry "shushed" him.

[NAHTMMM]

My favorite bit of the fiver is probably:
Kirk: And now, onward! Onward we go, to expand the frontiers of human exploration and become legends!

Spock: Well, that was a bust.
Kirk: Oh, shut up.

The bit where Dehner says "I think I'm some kind of psychiatrist" amuses me too.

I imagine that the series bible simply said "this guy's half-alien, half-human" and left it at that. A lot of Trek just got made up as they went along; it's a big reason why canon is such an issue.

[Zeke]

This thread is a great idea (though yes, the title you suggested is more on point -- can you change it yourself or is that a mod privilege?). I'll be sure to link it in the next update.

I don't think I was consciously camouflaging a good pun with a bad one -- I think I was just throwing around all the puns I could.

Jim's "middle initial" is one of my favourite TOS references to make (I actually have not one but two more jokes about it in in-progress stuff). I'm particularly proud of the blurb for "The Changeling".

"Risk is our business" is another one I love -- and the reference in Imzadi was actually my first encounter with it! I came in with TNG and it was a long time before I knew much about TOS. (There are still a lot of episodes I haven't seen -- Minutemen 1 is based on a true story. Tried to order the Blu-Ray sets a while ago when I could afford it, only to get nearly swindled by the eBay seller.) Anyway, there have been several references by me and others, some of which I had actually forgotten. Do a Ctrl+F for "risk" in this VVS9 episode (http://www.fiveminute.net/features/newmoon.html).

There's a recent article (http://www.nationalreview.com/article/439900/star-trek-gene-roddenberry-was-misogynistic-hack), based on the big 50th-anniversary book, which discusses Gene's fairly awful behind-the-scenes antics (not news to any Trekkie, though some of the details may be). I bring this up because of a very interesting claim made in the comments: apparently the network's objection to Number One in "The Cage" was less about her being a woman (which was always how Gene told it) and more about Gene giving his mistress a huge role not commensurate with her talents. I wonder if that's true.

[Nate the Great]

Is that what the blank "Title" space is for at the top of the reply page? Hmmm...

One episode a week seems okay, we won't have a break of more than a week until December. I was contemplating doing an overlap of episodes (one from each season per week) so that next fall could celebrate 30 years of NextGen, but that's a lot of work if only a handful of people are reading. In fact, if I'm going to be writing all of the initial posts I may have to write up a batch at a time and just copy-and-paste once a week.

Incidentally, was "grave mistake" an intentional pun anyway?

[Zeke]

Oh yeah, definitely.

(Title now changed, btw.)

[evay]

and more about Gene giving his mistress a huge role not commensurate with her talents. I wonder if that's true.
Considering that Majel is a perfectly fine actress who brought depth to Christine and Lwaxana, which could both have been cardboard or throwaway roles, I'm thinking "not commensurate with her talents" is the bullshit part.

My favorite Majel anecdote comes from my best friend, who was working security at a Trek con. It was the first con Majel had attended after Gene's death, and the outpouring of love for her as she entered the room was a tsunami. My friend asked if she was okay, and she said something like "Of course, I'm finally home." She later told him she slept through the night that night for the first time since Gene died.

[Nate the Great]

September 29th, 1966, "The Naked Time"

Oh, boy, here we go...

The Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=thenakedtime)(by Derek)
Memory Alpha Page (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Naked_Time_(episode))
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/7.htm)

The episode:

* Let's get this out of the way: Why are the gloves on isolation suits so easy to remove? Tormolen is a shmuck who should've been forced to recalibrate all of the warp coils by hand for that stunt. Couldn't the same thing have been accomplished by him snagging the suit on something and tearing a hole that nobody noticed?
* You need to be in decreasing orbit to conduct scans on a planet that's breaking up? What happened to the probes?
* I'm glad that they acknowledge Sulu's past in botany. The more I read these early episodes the more parallels I see with Worf's status in Season One, a sort of pre-senior officer.
* I remember this one from the Nitpicker's Guide, Kirk's "a disease is spreading that we don't know about" Captain's Log entry. Ugh.
* Spock's read The Three Musketeers? That's a new one.
* Ah yes, the bowling alley. Some have interpreted this as being a joke on Riley's part, but everybody since (and a lot of novels) insist that there was such a place, usually located along the spine of the secondary hull.
* It's always funny to see what precisely will be the tipping point for Kirk in a crisis. Here it's Riley singing "I'll Take You Home Again, Kathleen."
* Rand is taking the helm instead of Uhura?
* Spock refers to his parents in the past tense. I'm glad this was just polywater intoxication muddling him, otherwise we would've missed out on some great performances. On the other hand, why would Kirk ask him in "The Journey to Babel" if Spock wanted to see his parents if Kirk thinks that said parents are dead?
* Here we go folks, the discovery of time warp. How the script writers (and the viewer) will enjoy using and abusing this plot device in years to come.

The fiver:

Joe: Oh, sir, it was terrible! They just lay down and died. It must've been the Pax!

I Wikipedia'ed "pax" and I'm still stumped (seemingly no applicable definition). We may as well resurrect the old fiver reference thread here as we discuss them.

Sulu: I'm bored at work.
Riley: You could try writing a parody.
Sulu: Nah. What kind of losers would do that?

I'm sad that I came to the site after the BaW era had ended. Then again, at the time I was reliant on college computers for Internet and didn't have the kind of access needed to do impromptu parodies.

Scotty: The engines are off and it takes half an hour to turn them back on.
Kirk: And when you say half an hour, you do mean seven and a half minutes, right?
Scotty: Right, but we're still screwed.
Kirk: Well, fix it anyway and then you can reminisce about this scene on TNG.
Scotty: Okay, okay....

Ah yes, "Relics" reference. The weird thing is, the way everybody was talking, what Scotty did here was a major innovation in starship engineering and would end up in textbooks.

Memory Alpha:

* "The bowling alley on Kirk's Enterprise was located on deck 21 in the Star Trek Blueprints. It was depicted in an easter egg in the aborted PC game Star Trek: Secret of Vulcan Fury."
* The DS9 tech crew put up a sign saying that the Promenade had a bowling alley as well. Odd, as I'd think a holosuite could do that job just as well and let's face it, few nonhumans would want to play it.
* In an interesting bit of trivia, this is the only TOS episode that contained Uhura, Chapel, and Rand together.

YouTube clips:

* Sulu's sword antics (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M58aP5DtNqY)
* Somebody set clips to "Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJPem3IHnSw)
* Scotty can't change the laws of physics (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfZ12UGiisM)
* A preview trailer for this episode (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCtHyohJBqY)

[Nate the Great]

More coverage of "Where No Man Has Gone Before"

Final battle (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9RC6NKPsqQ)

I forgot to mention how they accomplished the silver eye effect for this episode (courtesy of the book Inside Star Trek): a layer of tin foil (with a pinhole for vision) between two glass contact lenses. Ouch. Apparently Gary Lockwood had real trouble with them, only being able to use them a few minutes at a time. Sally Kellerman had no such problem. Incidentally this also necessitated that Gary do that "head tilted up, looking down" pose to look through the lenses which conveyed his growing detachment from humanity and arrogance.

Memory Alpha also mentions that the "James R. Kirk" think was an in-joke; that when they met Kirk told Mitchell that his middle name was "racquetball."

[Nate the Great]

General pre-production timeline from the Memory Alpha article:

1956: Gene's first science fiction story, "The Secret Weapon of 117", airs on the anthology show Chevron Theatre.
1960: Gene begins work on a story called "Star Trek"
1963: Gene's first show, The Lieutenant.
1964, March: First proposal (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Star_Trek_is...) for the show submitted to Desilu. The Drake Equation (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Drake_equation), a precursor to Hodgkin's Law of Parallel Planet Development (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Hodgkin%27s_Law_of_Parallel_Planetary_Development) , and the "Wagon Train to the Stars" concept are already present. Here we meet Captain April (later to appear in TAS as the first captain of the Enterprise) of the Yorktown. Many preliminary ideas for TOS episodes are presented as the kind of thing that the show would be about.
1964, April: Desilu makes a three-year deal with Gene to develop a show.
1964, Spring-Summer: Gene consults with various experts, Matt Jeffries comes on board. See the Antiques Roadshow clip about the consultation here (http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/roadshow/season/17/seattle-wa/appraisals/star-trek-treatment-script-ca-1964--201206A28) (I already posted this elsewhere, but why not do it again here?)
1964, June: "The Cage" outline is submitted and approved.
1964, September: "The Cage" script is finished, shooting is approved.
1964, October: Matt Jeffries hard at work on the Enterprise model and various props. Casting completed. Robert Justman is hired.
1964, November: Shooting begins.
1965, February: "The Cage" screened by NBC. A second pilot ordered.
1965, July: "Where No Man" begins filming.

[Nate the Great]

There was an art exhibition (http://www.startrek.com/art_exhibition) for the 50th anniversary consisting of 50 artists giving their version of a series, cast, episode, etc.

Of course, one of them (http://www.startrek.com/artwork/abell-dusty) is the Dusty Abell group shot of all TOS characters that I love so much. This is one I'll have to buy when I can actually afford it.

Homestead (http://www.startrek.com/artwork/abou-roumie-amir) by Amir Abou-Roumie. George and Gracie in San Francisco Bay, the Vulcan ship from First Contact, a Q judge puttering around in an aircar, Geordi and a Klingon on a hoverbus, Picard enjoying some tea, and so forth. Many vignettes, very fun.

The Bridge (http://www.startrek.com/artwork/brogan-glen) by Glen Brogan. Just another day on the bridge of the Enterprise, with each crew member either fantasizing or ranting about what they're known for. I don't like being reminded of Uhura's fan dance, but Chekov's "V and W aren't the same" dictionary is funny.

Fifty Aliens (http://www.startrek.com/artwork/charm-derek) by Derek Charm. Just for fun, I'm going to see if I can name all fifty races from memory:

First Row: The dog creature that was split into good and evil back in "The Enemy Within", Klingon, Horta
Second Row: A member of Darmok's race (I confess that I had to look up "Tamarian"), Vulcan, Romulan, Cardassian
Third Row: Son'a, Balok's illusion (First Federation), Andorian, Reman, Tribbles
Fourth Row: Tribbles, Breen, Gorn, Ferengi, Tholian, Orion, Tribbles
Fifth Row: Benzite, Borg, Q, Salt Vampire, Lurian
Sixth Row: Tribbles, Don't know (I think he's found in DS9 and isn't one of Worf's holodeck monsters), Species 8472, Vorta, Mr. Homn's race (never given)
Seventh Row: Don't know (the mandrill-looking one), Hirogen, Don't know (the slug/blob one), Founder, Jem'Hadar, Charonian
Eight Row: Xindi Insectoid, Don't know (I've seen that race around, but the name isn't coming to me), Deltan, Future Guy?, Talaxian
Ninth Row: Mugato, Tellarite, Don't know (the short guy), Kazon, Bolian, One of those guys from Miramanee's planet?, Don't know (the green guy, I want to say the race begins with "S")
Tenth Row: Crystalline Entity, Antedean, Don't know (the dog guy, wasn't he in one of the TOS movies?), whatever race the Federation President from Undiscovered Country is, Tribbles, Bajoran

Star Trek Inception: The Cage (http://www.startrek.com/artwork/shipper-paul) by Paul Shipper
A poster for the nonexistant movie version of "The Cage"

Klingons (http://www.startrek.com/artwork/woodward-j-k) by J.K. Woodward
A celebration of all of our favorite Klingons. My only problem is that Chang's smile twists his face in a Uncanny Valley sort of way.

[NAHTMMM]

Great pictures!

I'll get to the episode this Monday. :)

[Nate the Great]

Monday? The next episode is "The Enemy Within" on Thursday.

[NAHTMMM]

No, I'm still on "The Naked Time".

Really good teaser. What could possibly have come among these people to cause all this destruction and strangeness?

Tormolen is a jerk for tossing his glove on the dead person like that. Have some respect!

"Instruments only register those things they are designed to register." Some nice scientific sanity to counterbalance the nonsense of a shrinking object invisibly losing mass or gaining gravity.

Watching McCoy and Chapel work on Tormolen, I'm thinking about how something like House or Bones would insist on having the two of them banter about some inane B-plot, rather than risk two seconds of silence.

Sickbay's entrance is not well-designed to get a stretcher into the place.

I see Memory Alpha mentions it partly, but another Trek book talks about Spock's breakdown scene further. TPTB wanted a series of short cuts. Nimoy insisted on attempting the more difficult single long take. It was the end of the production day and they did indeed have just the one shot at doing it the way he wanted. Watching it now I'd say they nailed it.

And I love that, when Spock is so vulnerable as to tell Kirk that he considers Kirk a friend and is ashamed of it, Kirk just slaps him again. :D Kirk is just not a touchy-feely guy.


Kirk: What's happening? Is it more magic?
Spock: Yes. If you knew the deeper magic, you'd know that when the planet cracked, time itself would start working backwards.
I'm sure this is a reference that I don't recognize.

I do not know what the Pax would be either.

[evay]

And I love that, when Spock is so vulnerable as to tell Kirk that he considers Kirk a friend and is ashamed of it, Kirk just slaps him again. :D Kirk is just not a touchy-feely guy.

I don't know if it's that so much as Kirk needs his XO and is in a bit of a panic. If they weren't on duty, or if the Plot Crisis de la Semaine wasn't about to hit its third-act peak, he'd have the luxury of letting him express these emotions (see Amok Time, the scene in Spock's quarters), but right at that moment Kirk can't indulge him.

Looking at it through the hindsight of vast character development, we could speculate that Kirk realizes that Spock would/will be ashamed of this emotional display later, so he's trying to help Spock out of this state as fast as possible, and he knows from McCoy/M'Benga that Vulcans need physical pain to focus on to break out of deep meditative states, so he hopes this will work. But that's a bit of post hoc fanwank.

[Nate the Great]

October 6th, 1966, "The Enemy Within"

The Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=theenemywithin) (by Kira)
Memory Alpha Page (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Enemy_Within_(episode))
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/5.htm) by chakotea.net

The Episode:

* Ah yes, another "this event that is unknown to us" Captain's Log. More proof that these things are recorded after the fact.
* Combine the events of this episode with the Tom Riker and Tuvix incidents and we pretty much have confirmation that the transporter doesn't send your original matter along to be reconstituted.
* That still doesn't explain the delay in the materialization of Evil Kirk. More contrivance. If the ship had a second transporter room, I would've preferred that Evil Kirk had been shunted to said empty transporter room for simultaneous materialization.
* One missed opportunity is having Evil Kirk make his own Captain's Logs to show us what he's thinking.
* Couldn't the shuttle have been used offscreen for budgetary reasons? Sure, the attempt would have to fail to preserve the sense of urgency, but surely just a few shots of Sulu being shaken around by a storm and giving up was within the budget.
* Ah yes, "Hey crew, the imposter has face scars. That's right, the only way to tell us apart at first glance is something that's easily concealed. Good luck!" Don't dermal regenerators exist yet? Surely it would be easier to say "I'm staying on the bridge with Spock. If you see a Kirk wandering around alone it's the imposter, arrest him"?
* (Stolen from the Nitpicker's Guide) Spock considers his Vulcan half the alien one? Huh?
* Even back then I considered "Can half a man live?" to be quite profound. It reminds me of Picard in "Tapestry." We are the sum of our acts, good and bad. Mistakes give us the chance to grow and do better next time.

The fiver:

Captain's Log: Spock forgot to check the weather channel before our away mission, but I'm sure nothing will happen to strand any of us on this frozen wasteland.
Fisher: Ow! My hand! And I'm covered in this weird dust!
Apparently I have a poor sense of pattern recognition.

Don't worry about it, Jim. Starship captains will be making that mistake for centuries to come.

Evil Kirk: Say Bones, have anything to drink around here? Some Saurian Brandy, perhaps?
McCoy: I'm a doctor, not a bartender.

I think Doctor Boyce would claim that the two aren't mutually exclusive, Bones.

Evil Kirk: I must be Good Kirk, right?
Wilson: Hm, there is that evil music playing in the background. And the fact that your speaker credit is "Evil Kirk."

Looking at speaker tags is a common fiver thing, this technique would come in awfully handy during real episodes as well. What a shame.

Spock: Could there be any more plot complications?

When did Spock turn into Chandler Bing?

Memory Alpha discussion:

* Apparently this is the first appearance of Kirk's green wraparound tunic. I always did hate that thing.
* The first appearance of the neck pinch. Can you imagine how the franchise would be different if Nimoy hadn't inspired it's creation?

Nitpicker's Guide notes:

* Apparently this was the first time a keen-eyed viewer could see that James Doohan is missing a finger.
* In the opening scene several characters were missing their chest emblems (I still call them Cochrane deltas (http://stexpanded.wikia.com/wiki/Cochrane_delta) for reasons explained elsewhere). Memory Alpha thinks that they had been removed for cleaning and someone forgot to put them back on before shooting. I'm leaning more toward's Phil's theory can removing them lets the production staff flip the camera horizontally to make the planet set look larger.

[Nate the Great]

A video clip of the duplication. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnUqGTNezME)

I'm reminded of a passage from the Nitpicker's Guide now. Scotty sent an underling off to get a "synchronic meter" to double-check the transporter after the yellow ore messed with it. Then Scotty proceeds to beam the captain aboard without double-checking it. Huh? Yeah yeah, if he had waited there'd be no episode, but still! The arctic night wasn't imminent, nobody on the planet was in imminent danger. Scotty, it's okay to tell the Captain that there's a hiccup in the transporter and would he mind waiting half an hour!

[Nate the Great]

October 13th, 1966, "Mudd's Women"

This is Take Two due to the server glitch. Hence a bit shorter and less nitpicking.

The fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=muddswomen)(by Derek)
Memory Alpha Page (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Mudd%27s_Women_(episode))
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/4.htm)

The episode:

* When can I stop complaining about lithium crystals? At least by now we've starting moving away from "crystal as fuel source" and toward "crystal as key engine component."
* I'm interested in the idea that somehow Vulcan hybrids look different enough to normal Vulcans that Mudd can see that. If Spock isn't the first, I'd assume that they're pretty rare.
* Women as "cargo." Um, yeah...
* Silly Mudd trying to claim he didn't know the Enterprise is a starship. Cue rants about energy output profiles, ID transponders, warp field signatures, etc. here.
* I'm sad that the "hypnotic effect" of the women must largely be communicated via Captain's Log because there isn't money for unnecessary extras. I'm reminded of how effectively NextGen did a similar scene in "The Perfect Mate".
* Just three miners? Obviously they can't even have offscreen workers because they'd fight over the women and use up screentime. There are ways to work around this. The three are at a remote outpost and the married guys are elsewhere, the others are too old or young to be desirable, the others are criminals or aliens that would be considered undesirable, etc.
* I do wish that the true nature of the Venus Drug was more consistent. Just a gelatin placebo? Well then you can't have onscreen transformation like that. A real drug? Well then they have to have a Kirk speech convincing them that they don't need it. It was real until the final scene when Kirk tricked them with gelatin placebos? A variant of the Kirk speech.
* I'm still confused about why the women would want to live in this place of complete isolation, constant storms, and constant hard labor. There weren't any transports going in the direction of Earth available?

The fiver:

I get the Powerpuff Girls references, but maybe there were a few too many.

Mudd: Hi, my name is Walsh.
Spock: Your speaker credits say your name is Mudd.
Mudd: Who are you going to believe, the fiver or me?
Spock: Welcome abord, Mr. Walsh.

Zeke, there's a typo there. Anyway, nice dig at the unreliability of the fiving process and the fivist himself (jk Derek :D)

Memory Alpha notes:

* Harlan Ellison visited the set during the filming. Even though he enjoyed himself, that's still unfortunate.
* I had forgotten about the subspace radio marriage idea. This is a loaded issue worthy of an essay by itself.

[NAHTMMM]

Yeah, "The Enemy Within" has a dumb decision leading to the plot, but the plot is a good one, so it gets slack where so much of later Trek doesn't. It's a good exploration of a sci-fi idea. Spock's first dissertation on the "good" vs. "evil" side was a bit too on-the-nose for me, especially his willingness to label them good and evil -- the two Kirks don't have labels to that effect on them. But even though we follow the "weak" Kirk around as he's trying to solve the plot to everyone's satisfaction, the "dark" Kirk isn't treated as an enemy to be conquered despite the title, and I like that. Shatner did a particularly good job showing weak Kirk's descent into ineffectiveness.

I agree that I don't much care for the wraparound tunic. I thought we already had a neck pinch in "The Naked Now", when Spock gets Sulu with it.

Captain's Log: Spock forgot to check the weather channel before our away mission, but I'm sure nothing will happen to strand any of us on this frozen wasteland.
Fisher: Ow! My hand! And I'm covered in this weird dust!
Apparently I have a poor sense of pattern recognition.
This type of joke always amuses me.
Fisher: Hey! I was already injured once this episode! Don't you have some "one use only" rule for redshirts?
(WHACK! THUMP! THWACK!)
Fisher: Oof....
Evil Kirk: I'll have to get rid of that rule before Chekov comes aboard....
:D

[NAHTMMM]

* Silly Mudd trying to claim he didn't know the Enterprise is a starship. Cue rants about energy output profiles, ID transponders, warp field signatures, etc. here.
I'm sure he knew it was a proper starship, but given his ineptitude in blowing his ship up, I think anything other than reading the transponder output would be beyond him.
* Just three miners? Obviously they can't even have offscreen workers because they'd fight over the women and use up screentime. There are ways to work around this. The three are at a remote outpost and the married guys are elsewhere, the others are too old or young to be desirable, the others are criminals or aliens that would be considered undesirable, etc.
Well, you can claim that the operation is sufficiently automated that just three people are needed on-planet to keep it running. I find it more concerning that, despite lithium mining supposedly being lucrative (granted, Mudd said that to the women), the buildings were so bare of anything decorative. You'd think the women would have beamed down, looked around, seen nary a vase or Van Gogh, and gotten suspicious.
* I do wish that the true nature of the Venus Drug was more consistent. Just a gelatin placebo? Well then you can't have onscreen transformation like that.
That last transformation, where even Eve's clothes changed, was ridiculous.

* I'm still confused about why the women would want to live in this place of complete isolation, constant storms, and constant hard labor. There weren't any transports going in the direction of Earth available?
Yeah, this is a serious plot hole, combined with the apparent lack of luxury. The women have access to a proper starship now, they can get passage to wherever they like. Nowadays, at least one would probably have decided to forego marriage in favor of a career. Or at least they could have shown actual connections developing between the other two miners and women . . . but I guess Eve was the designated guest star character so she got the airtime.

I have nothing to add about the fiver, it's good. :)

[Katy Jane]

I forgot what a stinker this one was... you want someone beautiful but you should really want someone like me who will cook and clean for you... Bleh.

[Nate the Great]

The lithium cracking station on Delta Vega back in "Where No Man..." was fully automated. I'm just saying that three people stuck with only each other for months at a time would lead to at least one of them becoming violent or otherwise emotionally unstable.

[Nate the Great]

October 20th, 1966, "What Are Little Girls Made Of"

The fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=whatarelittlegirlsmadeof) (by Kristina)
Memory Alpha page (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/What_Are_Little_Girls_Made_Of%3F_(episode))
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/10.htm)

The episode:

* Yeah, this "I left my career to take a job as a nurse for the remote chance of finding my lost fiancee, except I've also been fawning over Spock therefore I'm kinda cheating on said fiancee" thing is a whole kettle of fish best left unexplored. But seriously, couldn't they have held out on Chapel's infatuation until after this episode?
* Um, contact with Korby's been lost, we're not sure we can find him again, oh wait there he is. Just a little too convenient, don't you think?
* Ever since Phil Farrand pointed out how short the legs on that unformed android were, it's always bugged me. Putting aside "was fixing that beyond the show's budget", the real question is "who was the incompetent that built them too short in the first place?"
* Kirk's implantation of prejudice against Spock into the double really is clever.
* The first mention of Kirk's brother George and his family. Aside from the space amoeba episode nothing's really going to be done with them except in the novels. I'll wait until that one to discuss Peter Kirk's future.
* I think this episode is the first to feature Kirk outsmarting a computer. Classic staple of the show.
* This idea of "a Kirk that doesn't want to kiss a willing woman is an imposter" thing is amusing.

The fiver:

Captain's Log: We've found Korby and his associates. They all live in a yellow.... uh, some underground caves.

Um, how does a Beatles reference connect to this scene?

Kirk: Then one phaser shot it is, straight from the hip.
"Brown": GAK?
Chapel: Captain, I presume you'll be charged-- with battery.

Oh, the puns.

Kirk: Right. I think I'm between a Ruk and a hard place.... but pull me up, will you?

Okay, that one's pretty clever.

Memory Alpha notes:

* It would make sense that the people on the planet would have older-style phaser pistols.
* Apparently this episode has the first official redshirt death, but I'm not sure if Memory Alpha goes by airdate or production order.

[NAHTMMM]

A much better episode than last time.

Ruk made a good android. Andrea had her moments too.

Imagine back when it first aired, sitting through the commercials waiting to see what was on, and it comes back to a naked man and a blob on a rotating platform thing. What kind of show is this?


Andrea: Oh, Christine, you are as beautiful as your name sounds.
Chapel: You're news to me and look a little too good for comfort. Where did you come from?
Andrea: I can only remember waking up, feeling a bit dizzy. Rogeybuns was the first thing I saw.
Chapel: Captain, permission to turn green.
Kirk: Granted.
Very good summary of that moment.

[NAHTMMM]

Oh, also, when Kirk, Chapel, and Brown are overlooking the precipice where one of the redshirts just fell, that upwards camera angle of Brown was very effective in making him look as off-kilter as he was acting. Something about his hand made it look disproportionate to the rest of his body.

[Nate the Great]

October 27th, 1966, "Miri"

The Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=miri) (by Kristina)
Memory Alpha Page (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Miri_(episode))
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/12.htm)

The Episode:

* With all of these early warp colonies sending out SOS's, I'm wondering: Are SOS's still going to be a thing in the era of subspace? Wouldn't the Vulcans have an equivalent signal that would be more efficient? Is it possible to tap out dots and dashes in a subspace signal that would "hold itself together" further and through more interference because of it's simplicity?
* Ah yes, our first "it looks exactly like Earth to save money" planet. One of the Shatnerverse novels tells us that the Preservers made all of these copies. Yeah, still don't buy it. Even if the same proto-Pangea (insert Magrathea joke here) was set in motion on each planet, there are enough variables to scramble the final continental arrangement, weather system, evolved humanoid form, etc. Just wait until we have exact historical duplication, folks!
* I'm glad that for once we're not relying solely on the available tricorders. It's nice that they remembered that "we have an incurable disease" means "we can still beam stuff IN without contamination."
* Still doesn't mean that the ship couldn't beam new communicators in when the old ones were stolen.
* "Space Central"? Must be a branch of UESPA.

The fiver:

Kirk: Miri has the hots for me? Heavy.

Odd place for a Back to the Future joke, but okay.

Uhura: (over the comm) Data acknowledged. The answer is 42.
McCoy: Good. Now if we could only figure out the question... 47 minus 5?

Makes one wonder how long it would take Deep Thought to find the cure.

Redshirt: Is there something wrong with this episode? I have this gut feeling I shouldn't be alive.

A classic fiver gag.

Memory Alpha:

* They point out that the duplicate Earth thing is never resolved. Of course this is merely to save money on the special effects. I wonder why the remastered version didn't change the planet and cut these lines to avoid this problem. I sure would have.
* Apparently Rand only appeared in eight episodes, and this is the only one where she left the ship. It sure seems like she was in more than that, doesn't it?
* There's a Department of Temporal Investigations novel that says that this planet looks like Earth because it's the Earth of a parallel universe that was accidentally brought here by a subspace phenomenon. Yeah, um, I'd almost rather go with the Preserver idea.

[Nate the Great]

November 3rd, 1966, "Dagger of the Mind"

The Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=daggerofthemind) (by Sa'ar Chasm)
Memory Alpha Page (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Dagger_of_the_Mind_(episode))
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/11.htm)

The episode:

* That whole "you can sneak onto a starship by being beamed inside a box" thing always annoyed me. The transporter sensors should've found him.
* I'm a little confused at the Kirk/Noel relationship. Regardless of who Kirk thought she was at the time, afterward she should've been reassigned. As has been noted in other episodes, a distracted Kirk is a less effective Kirk. And for a mission to an insane asylum, a distracted Kirk is a in-danger Kirk.
* No security guards for a mission to an insane asylum? No redshirts for the inmates to kill? Huh?
* Apparently I mingled this episode in my mind with "Whom Gods Destroy", I kept expecting Garth to show up.

The fiver:

McCoy: You keep your inmates in crates? What kind of sadistic beasts are you?
Tantalus Colony: It's merely an exercise in removing their socially unproductive habits and promoting a great social conformity.
Kirk: Are you trying to say that crated minds think alike?

That's a lot of psychobabble for a pun.

Van Gelder: No! Yes! Maybe!
McCoy: Indecisive, isn't he?
Van Gelder: Signs point to no! Ask again later! Results hazy at this time!

Ah, the Magic 8 Ball.

Kirk: Is this a dagger I see before me? Will all great Neptune's ocean wash this blood clean from my hands?

I had to look this up. I knew it was Shakespeare but didn't know it was MacBeth.

Kirk: And now Birnam Wood comes toward Dunsinane!

Sadly I knew that this one was MacBeth because of the Reduced Shakespeare Company.

[Nate the Great]

20th Anniversary of "Trials and Tribble-ations." (http://www.startrek.com/article/20-years-later-trials-and-tribble-ations)

Yikes, does that make me feel old.

[Nate the Great]

November 10th, 1966, "The Corbomite Maneuver"

The Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=thecorbomitemaneuver) (by IJD GAF)
Memory Alpha Page (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Corbomite_Maneuver_(episode))
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/3.htm)

The episode:

* Ugh, photographs.
* I consider it a lost opportunity that they had to create Bailey for this. If they'd held off until the end of the season they could've shipped off one of the side characters like DeSalle, Farrell, Kyle, M'Benga, Riley, or even Janice Rand. It certainly would've made for a more emotional connection.
* McCoy's line about "If I jumped every time a light came on around here, I'd end up talking to myself." is funny. He did end up like that!
* Going through the script I feel that Bailey was given way too many lines for a one-off. Even Stiles in "Balance of Terror" wasn't given that many lines. With the screentime Bailey got you could be forgiven for thinking that he'd become a recurring character like those I listed above.
* That being said, I do like that there's a bit more of the bridge crew coordinating with other parts of the ship. It makes you feel that there really are all of these other people below the bridge running the ship.
* "United Earth ship Enterprise"? I wonder if this was one of those times that UESPA is managing the mission instead of Starfleet.
* Does anyone else think that Kirk is the only captain who would have the audacity for such a lie as the corbomite maneuver?
* Does anyone else wonder what tranya tastes like?

The fiver:

Spock: STAND BY TO PHOTOGRAPH!
Uhura: We have to photograph the stars to chart them? That's lame.

Yes, Nyota, it is.

Spock: (over the comm) What's more important? An unstopable alien cube, or the support of female viewers?
Kirk: Ah, a question the creators of Voyager never quite answered.

Typo aside, that's clever.

Balok: Yep. It gets lonely here, so I devised a plan to capture myself a friend. Which one of you will it be?
Kirk: I know the perfect man for the job. Kirk to Enterprise; beam myself and Doctor McCoy up.
Bailey: Wha...? Don't I even get a say?
Kirk: Nope, and that's an order, redshirt. Energize.

Redshirts never get a say, I thought that was in the contract.

Memory Alpha:

* The moon shuttle conductor article (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Moon_shuttle_conductor) at Memory Alpha is laughably short. The moon shuttle article is little better. I assume that this is just a shuttle between Earth and Luna, probably a very boring job. The transporter range value of 40,000 kilometers is pretty well established, and the moon is about ten times that distance from Earth, so a moon shuttle would have to be a thing. Unless you would prefer the idea of transporter relay satellites akin to the Intergalactic Gate Bridge (http://sgtng.wikia.com/wiki/McKay-Carter_Intergalactic_Gate_Bridge).
* First Federation? Wouldn't that confuse the casual viewer?
* Apparently the moon shuttle conductor line in this episode is the first use of McCoy's recurring joke.
* Uhura wears a gold uniform for this episode. The simplest explanation I can think of is that UESPA is in command of this mission, and they put Communications in the Command sector instead of Operations like Starfleet does.

Youtube clips:

* Kirk and McCoy clips (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qYxnLC9P-o). Interesting how McCoy notices the red alert light flashing but doesn't tell Kirk. Also, I always thought those blocks in the wall that you have to push in and out were silly. Also includes the "moon shuttle conductor" line and "talking to myself" from McCoy.
* Someone dubstepped the tranya scene (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozkwN8s32II). I shouldn't have to be the only one to see it.
* Someone turned the episode into a sitcom (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtKsIFuYC2c) by converting clips to sepia-tone and adding goofy sound effects.

[Flying Gremlin]

I go away for a bit and then activity happens. What a coincidence.

Good thread.

[Nate the Great]

I've been pondering how to deal with "The Menagerie." We only have one fiver, but two episodes theoretically mean two weeks of coverage. However, since next week is Thanksgiving and I want the day off, plus there was no episode on December 1st, here's what I've decided: I'm going to cover the fiver and the framing device now. The original plot from "The Cage" I'm going to cover on the 1st.

Incidentally, please comment! These things do take time, ya know, and I'd like some validation if you don't mind!

November 17th and 24th, 1966, "The Menagerie"

The fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=themenagerie) (by Zeke)
Memory Alpha Page: Part One (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Menagerie,_Part_I_(episode)) and Part Two (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Menagerie,_Part_II_(episode))
Transcript: Part One (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/16.htm) and Part Two (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/16b.htm)

Thoughts (framing device only):

* Excellent budget-saving device.
* Kirk brings up an excellent point. Spock didn't have to lie just to come here. At this point there are no crimes for Spock to keep Kirk away from.
* This "only yes or no" thing always bugged me. Really?
* Mendez asks them to check the impossible as well. I seem to recall Picard asking something similar of Data in one episode, besides the immortal exchange: "He's asking for the impossible!" "That's the short definition of 'captain'."
* I like that Bones is loyal to Spock. He may rib our pointy-eared friend, but they are friends.
* I always hated, HATED, that visits to Talos IV are "the only death penalty left on the books." Particularly since all information regarding the planet seems to be classified. Why not tell everyone, even the Klingons, outright, "The people on this planet can manipulate your senses. If you go there you may be enslaved for the rest of your life."
* McCoy being uneasy about the protocols for arresting Spock is heartwarming. Bet ya he wasn't expecting this when he woke up today.
* Having Pike still unretired is nice, makes me wonder what sort of job he could do in his condition.
* When did Spock talk with the Keeper and coordinate this time-killing tactic? If the quarantine of Talos IV indicated that the Talosian's range was limited to that system, what does it mean when their range is actually several dozen light-years? Will entire sectors have to be quarantined?

The fiver:

Incidentally, Zeke, was the misspelling of Vina as Vena a joke or reference to something?

Mendez: Pike had a little accident. He was climbing El Capitan and some jerk startled him.
Spock: It was supposed to be a harmless practical joke! I'm sure I'll get it right next time....

Curse you, Z, for reminding me of Star Trek V! ;)

Spock: Spock to Enterprise. Please execute the bogus orders I'm sending.
Hanson: (over the comm) I'll need confirmation from the captain.
Spock: Kirk... here. Please execute... the... ordersimmediately... crewman.
Hanson: Aye, sir.

I wonder if the real Spock would ever use a word like "bogus."

Spock: Just following Jim's orders. He told me himself: "Go... to... TalosFourNOW, Mr... Spock."
McCoy: Well, it sounds authentic, but still....

Twice, Z? The Kirk impression joke is really easy to overdo, ya know. You have to be careful about stuff like this.

Spock: ENTERING ORBIT OF TALOS IV!
Number One: Thank you, Mr. Spock, but it is unnecessary to shout.
Pike: Oh, give the man a break, Number One. He doesn't have to be bland and unemotional all the time just because you are.

Nice reference to the eventually merging of Number One traits into Spock. If I wanted to acknowledge Enterprise here I'd probably make a Trellium D joke, but of course I'm going to do no such thing... ;)

Talosian: Behold: now you're on Rigel.
Pike: Not Rygel XVI, I hope.
Talosian: Rigel with an I. You know, green dancers, possibly-holographic butterflies....
Pike: I think you're Reeding too much into the butterflies.

Apparently Rygel XVI is a character from Farscape. I barely watched that show, although my mom liked it. It's amazing how many actors from that show moved over to Stargate SG-1. With that "Reeding" reference I was expecting to be a reference to Enterprise, which still doesn't exist.

Violent Alien: GRAAAAAAAAARGHHR!
Pike: How did the Canadian do on this part?
Talosian: Pretty decent, actually. But he had a hockey stick.
Pike: What do I get?
Talosian: A herring.
Pike: What? How is that Ame--
Talosian: NI! NI! NI NI NI!
Pike: Aaaaa! Stop, I beg you!

Did Shatner ever play hockey? The transition to Monty Python seems a little abrupt. Perhaps a scene break?

Vena: Sorry, Chris. You see, the Talosians are concealing the fact that I'm really ugly as a result of the crash I --
Pike: You were in a crash?
Vena: Yeah, the fiver kind of glossed over all that. Anyway, I'm staying here.

Ah, yes, the necessary omission of plot details for the sake of a five-minute read. I know it well.

Kirk: I've always wanted to see Talos VII: That's The Roman Numeral For Seven.
Spock: The even-numbered movies are considered to be of superior quality, sir.

Come to think of it, with the exception of the first reboot (remember that Galaxy Quest gag?) the odd-even rule hasn't been brought up lately. If anything the reverse seems to be true in the reboot series. Still haven't seen them, etc. etc.

Memory Alpha:

* The only other "fleet captain" seen in the franchise is Garth of Izar. I wonder why they didn't just use "commodore" for these two.
* Spock served with Pike for 11 years, 4 months, 5 days. Many have taken this to mean that Pike commanded the Enterprise for 2 five-year missions, with a year in between for refit. Given what the Enterprise does and the speed at which technology seems to advance, I wouldn't doubt it. Can you imagine the amount of data accumulated at Memory Alpha during a five-year mission that would be needed to update the computer? Probably a complete warp coil replacement, too.
* Roddenberry wanted to turn the footage from "The Cage" into a movie, but without reshooting any of the stuff with the old actors? How would that work?
* I had forgotten that a shuttlecraft named in honor of Pike was seen in the TNG episode "The Most Toys." Okay, fine, I had never noticed in the first place...
* I'm still curious on why Solok in "Take Me Out To The Holosuite" was worthy of the Christopher Pike Medal of Valor.

Memory Beta:

* A TOS comic book features a return to Talos IV and an appearance by Pike and Vina's son Phillip Pike (http://memory-beta.wikia.com/wiki/Phillip_Pike). Uh, yeah. Both of them are mangled remnants of what they were. The Talosians are probably projecting healthy, young versions of both of them to each other to interact. They don't have the capacity to have real intimacy. Unless you're going to claim that Phillip Pike himself is merely an illusion projected by the Talosians and shaped by the thoughts of Chris and Vina.

Nitpicker's Guide:

* Phil brings up a good point. Pike has an artificial heart now, and the Talosians only gave him the appearance of health, not actual rejuvenation. What happens when Pike needs a battery changed?

[NAHTMMM]

Sorry, stuff has been happening and I keep neglecting this rewatch. :( I thought "Miri" was good but could have been better. A crazy idea in the teaser -- "a duplicate Earth!" -- that catches the attention, but was probably just to minimize SFX costs and never went anywhere at all. The mystery that followed was better.

One thing I noticed near the beginning was in an overhead distance shot, when the landing party splits up to investigate the town they've beamed into. Shatner just kinda waves his arm over his head to indicate they should head down different streets, and it doesn't look like any gesture you'd actually make in that situation. But this was '60s TV, made for tiny CRT sets, so he probably had to make a big gesture for it to be seen by viewers.

[Nate the Great]

"The Cage"

Originally aired October 4th, 1988, but I'm sure there were unofficial airings (and possibly home video) before that. No fiver this time, sorry.

Memory Alpha Page (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Cage_(episode))
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/1.htm)

In the name of mercy I'm skipping all of the now-obligatory rants about the inconsistent technical terms in the early episodes. This is the pilot and a soft touch is required if sanity and decorum is to be preserved.

The episode:

* After making the entries I notice a higher than usual nit ratio, so let's start with some positives:
** The characterization in the scene between Pike and Boyce is nice, you wouldn't need much tweaking to adapt to Kirk and McCoy.
** The approach shot, going from space through the bridge bubble to the interior was nice. Too bad the special effects couldn't quite match the vision.
** Once Pike stops whining he proves to be quite clever and resourceful. I could see Kirk asking similar questions and taking similar actions on Talos (of course, Kirk probably would sleep with Vina to butter her up and get more answers).
** The mission jackets are a nice touch, and I'm sad that we had to wait until the Wrath of Khan to see them again. Just because a planet is class M doesn't mean it has a surface temperature that's close enough to ship's standard to make a single uniform ideal for both.
* The first time the crew (of any series) believes that no Earth vessel has been out this far and thus shouldn't be encountered. My mind immediately goes to "Up the Long Ladder" on this one.
* I'm dubious about Pike not wanting to follow up on a distress call. How many times has any Enterprise crewman said "there can't possibly be anyone still alive" and there turns out to be be someone still alive? Isn't it in the regulations that all encountered distress calls need to be followed up on unless the ship is engaged in a critical mission?
* Pike whining about the burden of command in his first episode doesn't humanize him, it weakens him in my view. Starfleet doesn't put captain's stripes on any old shmuck and sticks him on a bridge ya know, these people spend years working up the ranks and dealing with increasing levels of responsibility. Q's words come to mind: "If you can't stand a little bloody nose, maybe you ought to go back home and crawl under your bed. It's not safe out here. It's wondrous, with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross. But it's not for the timid."
* Scholars elsewhere have pointed out that this discussion also explains some of the things that the crew could encounter as a way to sell the show. But another adage comes to mind, this one goes something like "Are we seeing the most interesting event in the lives of the characters? And if not, why aren't we?" The trip to Rigel 7 sounds much more interesting that this mapping junk that the Enterprise is currently doing, so why aren't we seeing that?
* The lack of a "real name" for Number One continues to annoy. The nickname is great and will be used for decades to come in Trek, but I fail to see why a real name couldn't be mentioned. To this day whenever she appears in comics, books, etc. the writer either must decide on a name (contradictory with many others) or carefully avoid using one. Sorry, but no. It should've been in the writer's bible for the show day one.
* Yet another Adam and Eve scenario. If the Talosians don't remember how to repair all of their equipment anymore, how can they hope to do the genetic engineering required to get around the nastier effects of this scenario? All they're doing is buying time equal to another human generation. At least the Asgard over on Stargate took their imminent doom with grace.
* Obviously Colt was attracted to Pike, but one wonders how Number One really feels. This smacks of "the lead must be irresistible to all women, lest the audience thinks he's a loser." What backwards and embarrassing thinking on the writer's part.

Memory Alpha:

* Number One was a lieutenant and not a commander in this episode because Gene was using older British naval ranks, not modern American naval ranks.
* I can understand the accusations from the studio that this plot is too cerebral. Look, I'm a proponent that the average sci-fi fan is intelligent enough to appreciate intelligent writing. However, this wasn't Gene's first failed pilot, nor was it his last. He should've known that you have to get a show on the air before you can satisfy the audience with intelligent writing. The studio should've gotten something closer to what they were promised the first time, and Gene should thank his lucky stars they gave him another chance. I wouldn't've.
* Apparently director Robert Butler...let's just quote from Memory Alpha: "Butler also wanted Roddenberry to change the title of the show from Star Trek to Star Track, feeling that the former was too pretentious, tedious, inert and boring." Star Track? Can you just picture it? The Trackies are coming!
* Apparently Zimmerman found similarities between "The Cage" and "Emissary." Huh? Okay, both feature Starfleet officers weary of the burdens of the job and wanting a simpler life, but that's it. Maybe the scene with a married couple enjoying themselves in a field, as well. However, the circumstances that lead Pike and Sisko to make their decision, not to mention their proposed future careers, couldn't be more different. I could name episodes (besides "The Naked Now" and "The Naked Time") that have greater plotline parallels.
* The NBC article says that when provided with possible scripts to film as the first pilot, they chose "The Cage" as a challenge to see if Desilu could actually do it, never intending to actually air it. Then they asked for a second pilot, an unprecedented event in television history.

[Nate the Great]

YouTube clips for "The Cage:"

Pike and Boyce (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRIOdbKKy-A). I never really noticed Boyce's jumpsuit before. That certainly isn't a Starfleet insignia. I wonder if UESPA existed at this point.

Spock smiles at the singing plant (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2ZJlF9qdhQ). They couldn't have made it sound more different from the transporter sound effect?

Vina as the Orion slave girl (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5dNGU772_cI). To this day TV Tropes has the trope Green Skinned Space Babe (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/GreenSkinnedSpaceBabe) in her honor.

The transition through the bridge dome (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68IDs-1keRQ) and the first line ever spoken in Star Trek: "Check the circuit!"

[Nate the Great]

In rewatching the clips I'm reminded that Pike's Enterprise had 203 people and Kirk's had 430. Which scenario do you think is more likely?

1. Pike's missions were in really deep space without opportunity to replenish the supply of redshirts. The mission was more like what Voyager was intended for.
2. Technology got much more complicated, so more engineers were required.
3. After the early missions of April and Pike it was decided that more specialists like historian Marla McGivers, archeologist/anthropologist Carlolyn Palamas, and secondary surgeon M'Benga were required.
4. The 430 figure includes civilian scientists and crewman; there are only 203 Starfleet officers on board. The Enterprise-D and Deep Space 9 had many such specialists who went on missions but weren't Starfleet officers.
5. The 203 figure is just the Starfleet crew; in Pike's time the rest are UESPA officers overseen by somebody else; possibly Number One. By Kirk's day the overseeing authority could change between Starfleet and UESPA depending on the mission and there was a single chain of command for both services.

[Nate the Great]

December 8th, 1966, "The Conscience of the King"

The fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=theconscienceoftheking) (by Zeke)
Memory Alpha Page (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Conscience_of_the_King_(episode))
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/13.htm)

The episode:

* Kirk and Koridian/Kodos happen to pass within five light years of each other at the same time, close enough for Leighton to call Kirk over? It's a Small World After All (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxvlKp-76io)!
* Even if Kirk waving off the other ship to get Koridian aboard was a little shady, I did always enjoy him surprising Spock for once. "I'm the captain," indeed.
* "The regulations are very clear about taking on passengers." For Picard's day, this would be ridiculous, but let's accept this statement for the moment about Kirk's day: No civilians on board unless they're essential for the current mission or you just saved them from an exploding starship or something. Even so, Kirk could've been honest and said that orders are sending the Enterprise in the opposite direction; let her make her case to preserve her dignity, then acquiesce.
* "If my memory needs refreshing, Mister Spock, I'll ask you for it. In the meantime, follow my orders." That seems rather harsh and an invitation for Spock and McCoy to discuss what's wrong. Kirk could've just as easily said "I have my reasons and will tell you later. Let the log show that I take full responsibility."
* Riley being moved around was always rather dubious to me. As events proved, Lenore could kill him wherever he was, provided he was alone. I must state confusion that any post, let alone Engineering, would ever be staffed by one guy fooling around listening to music and not really looking at the controls. It would've served the plot just as well to say that he was alone in the mess hall and Lenore took advantage of a momentary distraction to poison his drink.
* If one needs a reason why TOS did so well, look at Kirk's interaction with Spock and McCoy. Kirk admits that he may be making mistakes, admits that revenge may be controlling him. As SF Debris would say, the show is about characters just as much as action.

The fiver:

Martha: Poor Tom... but at least he's finally at peace. Though he'd be more at peace if someone avenged his death.
Leighton's Ghost: Revenge my foul and most unnatural murder! Mark me!
Kirk: I will, Tom! Nobody kills TJ Hooker's partner and gets away with it!
Leighton's Ghost: ...What?

I get the Hamlet reference, but the TJ Hooker thing came out of left field (even by fiver standards). And yes, I do understand the Shatner/Hooker thing, even though I've never watched that show.

Spock: He was head of the Tarsus colony, and when food ran out, he executed the 4000 colonists he considered of least value. He must have used an unusual metric, since one of the victims was one of Starfleet's leading ling--
McCoy: That's not canon and you know it! You can't condemn a man based on Okudagrams!

Of course I know what Okudagrams are, but I must admit this reference to something out of canon (one of the novels?) escapes me.

Riley: (over the comm) Bleah. Another rotten day in the life of Riley.

You were just waiting to spring that one on us, weren't you, Z? I get the reference to the radio show/TV show/movie, but to me the name refers to The Life of Reilly (http://lifeofreillyarchives.blogspot.com/), a blog about the behind-the-scenes events during the Spider-Man Clone Saga. (Plug plug)

Karidian: Nooooooo! (dives in front of Kirk)
Lenore's Phaser: ZAP
Karidian: Symmetrism... forever... GAK!
Kirk: Oh, don't go all Reeves-Stevens on us.

I'm going to guess that this is a reference to Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens (http://memory-beta.wikia.com/wiki/Judith_and_Garfield_Reeves-Stevens), who are among the essential Trek fiction writers, but the application here confuses me.

Memory Alpha:

* The only appearance of the double red alert. That was always annoying to me; if I wanted to I could think of plenty of other cases during the franchise where such an alert would be warranted: The Borg attack on Wolf 359 being only one.
* So Starfleet doesn't exist yet, in this episode they are part of the "Star Service." That sounds more like a Captain Proton thing, but one wonders if the Star Service is part of UESPA (when will Nate drop the UESPA thing? Probably never, as such things should have been part of the series bible!)
* The last episode filmed with Grace Lee Whitney.
* Apparently this is the first episode with the computer voice? Can that be?
* I find it interesting that this episode was skipped in some areas for the early reruns because it had a lot of talking and very little scifi. I'll grant that an overabundance of Shakespeare isn't what a casual viewer is looking for when they tune into some scifi escapism, but shows like this do have value. Even if it doesn't fit the definition of a "bottle show", it probably did free up money for other episodes.

[Nate the Great]

December 15th, 1966, "Balance of Terror"

The fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=balanceofterror) (by Zeke)
Memory Alpha Page (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Balance_of_Terror_(episode))
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/9.htm)

The episode:

* I understand that exposition on the Earth/Romulan War had to be given, but did Spock really have to give a Powerpoint presentation to the entire crew? Couldn't a Captain's Log have covered the brunt of the exposition, followed by the senior staff discussion in the conference room?
* In this instance I can understand why an external character like Stiles was needed; having Sulu (for example) suddenly becoming suspicious of Spock would be really weird.
* How could the Enterprise have Romulan spies aboard? Sure, technically Klingon, Romulan, Orion, etc. spies could be on board at any time, but paranoia can be dangerous.
* Kirk should've kicked Stiles off the bridge and reprimanded him immediately upon the first word of suspicion toward Spock. It will take millennia if ever to eliminate generic cultural prejudice, but "Spock looks like the enemy" equals "Spock IS the enemy" goes beyond that into "ban this guy from starship duty forever" behavior.
* I'll save discussion of the name of Mark Lenard's character for later in this post, but I'll state in this section confusion that neither Romulan commander was named. Every speaking Klingon character, no matter how minor, was given a name. People who had a tenth of Mark's lines have names, and he doesn't? That's hooey.
* I wish the Romulan plasma weapon could've been seen more often. Surely the mechanism could've been built into the Klingon cruisers seen later under Romulan control, and the few new shots could've been reused endlessly.
* I hope Scotty was wrong in saying that the Romulans had no warp drive. Anyone who would say that had no concept of the vastness of space.
* Rand is on the bridge to record the crew's actions. Odd, since we already know a camera is on the bridge for communications purposes.
* I always loved McCoy's speech on the vastness of space and the importance of the individual. I'll have to find a clip of that for the YouTube section.
* I always thought the resolution of the Stiles/Spock conflict rather forced and arbitrary. Ugh.

The Fiver:

Spock: It's gone again. The Romulans must have found a way to render their ship transparent.
Kirk: Clearly.
Spock: (glare) Fortunately, our motion sensor is still picking up a faint blip, making the whole thing rather pointless. We should be able to pursue them.
Kirk: Perfect! Stiles, set a course that mimics their movements. We're just a blip to them too, so they should think we're just a harmless space bee playing follow the leader.
Spock: That logic is unsound, Captain. An invisible ship may still be able to see other ships, just as a man with his hands over his eyes is still visible.
Kirk: (gasp) You can see me when I do that?

Gasp!

Commander: There's room for two ships in here? This must be, like, the biggest comet ever.

Indeed.

Commander: Centurion!
Centurion: You are... a child... of Valen... GAK!
Commander: That was just confusing. And vengeance-inspiring! Strike them down! Kill them! All of them! No mercy!

I had to look this one up. Valen is a Bablyon 5 character. Um, yeah, I think my disregard for B5 is on record, so let's move on...

Spock: Unfortunately, we cannot fire phasers again until our first three shots leave the screen.

That sounds like a video game reference, but which one?

Stiles: Warp 14... Warp 15...
Spock: The enemy shot has reached Warp 40!
Kirk: That's just ridiculous. Ideas? Anyone? Uhura?
Uhura: We could separate the saucer at warp, then turn around and surrender.
Kirk: Ahh, so there is a reason I don't talk to you.

"Encounter at Farpoint" reference, that's unexpected.

Decius: The humans have gone mad! They're firing at random!
Commander: Hmmm... maybe we can trick them. Load up some debris and the centurion's body and fire them into space. And then clear out your desk, you're fired.
Decius: The commander has gone mad! He's firing at random!

Ugh, that punchline. My sides, how they ache...

Kirk: Rats! Well, I won't let myself be distracted again. Where's the enemy ship?
Spock: We've, um, lost the signal. Now I know you'll be mad, but LOOK OVER THERE!
Kirk: WHERE?

Should've gone the Princess Bride route and used "What in the world can that be!"

Commander: Well, that worked out nicely. Let's go home.
Decius: We're not going to finish them off? Lame.
Commander: Yes, I know they're crippled, but --
Decius: That was also lame.

There go my sides again...

Memory Alpha:

* I do like that the words Kirk used during the wedding were reused by Picard during the O'Brien wedding in "Data's Day."

Memory Beta:

* The Star Trek Trading Card Game gives the Romulan Commander the name "Keras", an anagram of Sarek. Most other sources, including the excellent Romulan comics by John Byrnne, leave him unnamed just like Number One.

YouTube clips:

* The climax (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGn948_PXTU), including the Romulan's final speech.
* McCoy's "don't destroy the one named Kirk (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2237SaR75iw)" speech.

[Nate the Great]

December 29th, 1966, "Shore Leave"

The fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=shoreleave)(by IJD GAF)
Memory Alpha page (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Shore_Leave_(episode))
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/17.htm)

The episode:

* Does anyone else think that getting a massage on the bridge is a little inappropriate?
* Sulu is still in his botanist phase. I still wonder about that duty rotation program possibly seen with Chekov and Worf later.
* Spock's got a point about resting. He's probably like Worf in that he has his own calisthenics program for staying fit. Besides, he meditates for his mental health needs.
* Spock tricking Kirk was always good for a laugh. It does make me wonder, though. Kirk staying on the bridge during a crisis or when the Klingons might show up any minute is one thing; staying on the bridge when there's nothing to do but get wired up smacks of self-destructive behavior.
* Sulu shooting off a gun without telling anybody, that's just irresponsible. We never got the impression that this place can brainwash a person; it just reads surface thoughts. Sulu should know better.
* Does Finnegan seem like Starfleet officer material? I hope the real one was washed out of the service.

The fiver:

Captain's Log: We're in orbit around a perfect planet. Almost... TOO perfect.

IJD, could you explain this "almost too perfect" running gag for me?

McCoy: You know what else would be funny to be mauled by right now? A medieval knight.
Knight: Ni! Ni! Ni!
McCoy: GAK!
Kirk: Oh no, Bones! You're --
McCoy: I'm dead, Jim!
Kirk: Yeah, that.

I knew "Ni"'s were painful, but not lethal. It's too bad they couldn't have hid behind a nearby scrubbery.

YouTube clips:

* McCoy meets the White Rabbit and Alice (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JIgAKA80UY). Alice's dress does a good job of getting close to the animated Disney version without being an outright copy.
* The Caretaker and Mr. Spock explain things (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2HAgQYSv5w).
* Spock tricks Kirk into going down (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Ny5jh8sV-Q).

[Flying Gremlin]

Spock: He was head of the Tarsus colony, and when food ran out, he executed the 4000 colonists he considered of least value. He must have used an unusual metric, since one of the victims was one of Starfleet's leading ling--
McCoy: That's not canon and you know it! You can't condemn a man based on Okudagrams!

Of course I know what Okudagrams are, but I must admit this reference to something out of canon (one of the novels?) escapes me.

Since Zeke (and myself) are fans of Enterprise and you're not, let me enlighten:

"In A Mirror, Darkly" featured a quick glimpse at the bio of both Jonathan Archer and Hoshi Sato in the Prime Universe, thanks to a dimensional and time displaced USS Defiant, being read by their mirror counterparts. When freeze-framed, you can read it to know that Hoshi died in the massacre, which inspired Mirror Hoshi to... you know what? I'm not spoiling the rest for you.

[Nate the Great]

Yeah, Enterprise and I didn't see eye-to-eye. No further comment in the name of civility.

[Nate the Great]

January 5th, 1967, "The Galileo Seven"

The Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=thegalileoseven) (by IJD GAF)
Memory Alpha Page (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Galileo_Seven_(episode))
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/14.htm)

The episode:

* "Standing orders" to investigate quasars? Surely the "Murasaki effect" cited later could've been moved earlier and the line tweaked to say that when a quasar this unusual or potentially dangerous has standing orders for investigation. Ordinary quasars don't seem worthy of "standing orders' is all I'm saying.
* I don't like the use of a plague as a ticking clock. No disease affects or kills all victims on a reliable timetable. Go help the people and come back later! This quasar will wait!
* For the life of me I can't remember the last time there was a seven member away team on a shuttle. In the 24th century that would be a job for a runabout, but of course those don't exist yet. With a little plot tweaking surely one person (probably Yeoman Mears) could've been eliminated as unnecessary, but I guess "The Galileo Six" doesn't roll off the tongue quite as well.
* McCoy ribbing Spock now about the possibilities of command seems a little harsh. Even if it hasn't quite been established that he prefers scientific duties, it's still the first year of him being a first officer. Furthermore, you don't get to be first officer of the Enterprise without being ready to take command of the Enterprise. In any case, Bones, why don't you save the ribbing until the end of the episode when you're safe at home again, okay?
* Three people will have to be left behind, I'm skeptical but accept it for the moment. I'm dubious about the idea that this is a death sentence. They haven't encountered any hostile lifeforms yet and surely there are a few rations and a spare transmitter laying about to give to the people left behind for later rescue.
* Ugh, a funeral in the middle of a crisis situation. I get respecting your fallen comrade, but I refer you to my previous point. Come back later for his body and have a funeral THEN.
* I keep wanting to call these giants "Mugatos", but that's another episode.

The fiver:

Captain's Log: Plague, colony, medical supplies, yadda. Who cares? We've got QUASARS!

Why would Kirk care so much about this? In the episode it sounded like it was the standing orders that's keeping him here.

Ferris: With all due respect, I believe you simply like the word "quasar".
Kirk: What would give you a quazy notion like that?

Oh. I'm reminded of Hobbes saying "smock" a lot.

Ionization Effect of Murasaki 312: Yo.

Funny, but I can't help but think "T'sup" would've worked better. What can I say, I take my fiver slang seriously.

Scotty: Damnit. We just crash landed our new set; the studio's gonna kill us.

Funny, but it doesn't work. Either it's a set or a spaceship; you can't mix and match within the same sentence.

McCoy: Are you seriously considering leaving three behind? Would it be okay if I called them the "Galileo Galileo Galileo Figaro" instead of the Galileo three-left-behind? Why is your hand on my shoul-- (THUMP)

So this is a reference to "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen. I've heard the song, but that's a darned obscure reference, IJD GAF.

Memory Alpha:

* Apparently the concept of a "United Federation of Planets" didn't exist yet. Shouldn't this mean that we're still using UESPA?

[Nate the Great]

January 12th, 1967, "The Squire of Gothos"

Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Squire_of_Gothos_(episode))
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/18.htm)

Prologue: Since according to canon Q and Trelane have nothing to do with each other (although I do recommend the book "Q-Squared" if you haven't read it), I will attempt to limit my judgements of Trelane's power to the episode itself. Too bad, because strictly using the episode results in a much lower power level for Trelane than a Q.

The episode:

* Last time I mention Q, honest. But I have to say that Q always seemed both to be in control and actually having fun messing around with the crew. But I suppose Trelane is a child and can't be expected to have the same maturity. But I have to say, that makes him more terrifying. When Trelane is in charge, he's friendly. Anything goes wrong, anything at all, and he flips his lid and becomes even more unpredictable than Q.
* So did Trelane's observations include sound or not? If it did, he should know that food has taste. If it doesn't, did he read all of those documents to know people's names, the vocabulary, etc. Isn't it a shame when a nit can't be resolved without either raising further questions or making an episode's premise untenable?
* A "star desert". Technically possible, but I always wince at that line, it's so silly.
* I hope the planet moving around is merely Trelane fooling the sensors. Even if you were to somehow put a forcefield around a planet to hold it together, the sheer amount of power required to shove it around like a billiard ball would put Trelane in the same league as the Iconians, and that I can't buy.
* Food without flavor. Makes me wonder what that stuff is really made from.
* Bit of an anticlimax, isn't it? I hate the episodes where the resolution could technically happen at any time but a sufficient amount of film has to be spent on messing around before it can come.

Memory Alpha:

* Once again the question of how far in the future we are has come to rear its ugly head. I've said it before and I'll say it again, this stuff should've been in the series bible by the time of the second pilot, if not the first.
* The first appearance of DeSalle, who held three different postings on board in various episodes: navigator, biologist, and engineer. Once again it could support the idea of junior officers being in some sort of duty rotation. Sulu, Chekov, Wesley, even Hogan on Voyager could support this.

[Nate the Great]

January 19th, 1967, "Arena"

The Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=arena)(by Kristina)
Memory Alpha
(http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Arena_(episode))Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/19.htm)

The episode:

* "Tactical people" and "tactical aides." Hmm. In the movies this would mean Chekov and his staff, but I wonder who's in charge of that stuff at this point.
* MCCOY: I, for one, could use a good non-reconstituted meal.
SPOCK: Doctor, you are a sensualist.
MCCOY: You bet your pointed ears I am.
Always loved this exchange.
* I must say I don't like this business of Kirk coordinating a space battle from a planet's surface. When someone "has the conn", doesn't that mean that s/he's in command even during battle? It's situations like this that lead to the conclusion that the captain shouldn't be part of landing parties except in unusual situations.
* Some of the more hardcore Trekkies (as well as Phil Farrand in the Nitpicker's Guide) would note that the ability to replicate precious gems at will was discovered sometime between this episode and "Catspaw." In this episode diamonds are valuable, in that one they aren't.
* Mythbusters aside, I doubt that Kirk could create viable gunpowder under these conditions. At least the Mythbusters had a clean tabletop to work with and immediate access to the necessary ratios.

The fiver:

McCoy: Note to self -- stock up on nappies.
Kirk: Bones?
McCoy: With the number of Ensigns that "diaper" episode, I thought they might come in handy.

Nice pun, but I wonder how many people know that "nappies" is the British term for "diapers."

Sulu: You know, we don't even know what to call the shields yet.
Uhura: What does it matter?
Sulu: I just don't think this series is big on the consistency issue.
Uhura: I'm happy, as long as I get to wear my red dress.

I'll just be in the corner being smug. *smirk and wink*

Kirk: Yikes, it's Godzilla.
Gorn: Actually, the name is Yenrab.

Yet another character only named in the Customizable Card Game (the Mark Lenard Romulan Commander is Keras, etc.). His name is S'salk. I don't know how to feel about a Barney joke.

Captain's Log: I'm just babbling on, and that lizard is listening. There are diamonds here, though there are no women around, and several other minerals, including sulfur and potassium nitrate. How I would know is beyond my comprehension.

It's beyond mine as well. Maybe Spock would know, but Kirk? Maybe as an antique firearm aficionado he'd know the ingredient list, but not the appearance or ratios.

Metron: We'll be in touch when we're ready.
Kirk: Soon?
Metron: If a thousand years is soon to you, then yes.

Obligatory jab at Zeke's upload schedule, nothing to see here, move along...

[Nate the Great]

January 26th, 1967, "Tomorrow is Yesterday"

The Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=tomorrowisyesterday)(by IJD GAF)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Tomorrow_is_Yesterday_(episode))
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/21.htm)

The episode:

* Ah, the "black star." I haven't seen the remastered version, but I suppose it was too much to ask for the studio to redub this into "black hole."
* They were going in the general direction of Earth and managed to be dropped into Earth's orbit when the warp engines cut out at just the right time to achieve the upper atmosphere. Yikes, is that a pile of contrivance. As Batman would say after crashing into a pile of foam rubber, "I'd say the odds against it would make even the most reckless gambler cringe!"
* I wonder if Christopher's plane could've handled a lower tractor beam setting without breaking up.
* Confirmed: Federation Standard is just English. So why not call it English elsewhere?
* Here we are: twelve Constitution-class ships in the fleet. More on this later.
* UESPA alert!
* I question the idea that Christopher wouldn't fit in the 23rd century when I could mention Gillian Taylor seemed to handle it okay. Okay, he couldn't join Starfleet, but there must be a colony or two that could use the services of a military specialist.
* So they go on a mission to delete the records of the "UFO sighting", then proceed to go back in time to restore Christoper, making the "UFO sighting" just a momentary contact with no need to delete the records. Talk about contrivance.
* Two hundred years would be just about right. Insert typical Nate rant about how the series bible should've had a timeline of major events by now. Just to name one example, it's been 150 years since Cochrane disappeared. An old man Cochrane decades after the discovery of warp drive. In other words, just going by this episode and "Metamorphosis" would lead a viewer to conclude that Cochrane has already been born and warp drive is imminent. What editorial incompetence.
* I never did understand these food cards, or the food slots in general. It's a rant by itself, which I shall mercifully skip.

The fiver:

Spock: You do realize we can't let him go back.
Kirk: And why not? We could even set him up with some good stocks, and help him out a little. We could set him for life! Maybe even give him a third-world nation to rule....
Spock: I suppose invoking the halibut of thwacking would be too cruel....

I'm going to assume that the "halibut of thwacking" is somehow related to the "hammer of smiting", but is that also supposed to be a "Fish Schlapping Dance" reference?

Guard: Name?
Kirk: My name?
Guard: No, my name!
Kirk: I do not know your name!
Guard: ...I only hope you're smart enough not to run off and fall 20 feet to the pavement below.

Ah, The Voyage Home.

Kirk: Aren't you a little short for a Starfleet officer?
Christopher: Huh? Oh, the uniform. I'm John Christopher, I'm here to rescue you.

Interesting place for a Star Wars joke.

Memory Alpha:

* "Black hole" was coined later in 1967. Ships passing in the dark and all that...
* "The Making of Star Trek" apparently lists 14 Constitution-class ships.
* I will now list the Constitution-class ships mentioned at Memory Alpha, along with notes (I'm excluding the ones seen in the movie era):
** In prelude, I wish that all of the ships of a given class started with the same two-number prefix code (in this case, 17) to signify said class. Except for number-suffixed legacy ships, of course.
** 1700, no name=undergoing repair at Starbase 11. Only on a chart, could've possibly been refit and renumbered. I always thought that 1700 was the Constitution, the first of the class built.
** 1017, Constellation
** 1764, Defiant=Put me down as saying that the DS9 ship should've been 1764-A (realistically a higher letter), I don't like the idea that only the Enterprise is worthy of keeping the old registry with added letters and other legacy names need new numbers.
** 1664, Excalibur=see previous comments, I wonder if Peter David even knew about this ship when writing New Frontier.
** 1672, Exeter
** 1703, Hood
** 1631, Intrepid=this name seems odd for an all-Vulcan crew. I wonder why we didn't see a Vulcan name for this one (the USS Surak?)
** 1709, Lexington
** 1657, Potemkin
** In addendum, the '70s fandom (later semi-canon) article "The Case for Jonathan Doe Starship (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Case_of_Jonathan_Doe_Starship)" lists the 12 as Yorktown, Potemkin, Lexington, Intrepid, Hood, Exeter, Excalibur, Essex, Enterprise, Endeavor, Eagle, and Constitution

[Nate the Great]

February 2nd, 1967, "Court Martial"

The Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=courtmartial) (by IJG GAF)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Court_Martial_(episode))
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/15.htm)

The episode:

* Okay, let's get this out of the way right at the beginning: The whole "sensor pod" concept and a specific button for it on the captain's chair are stupid plot devices. An equivalent situation could've been achieved by turning off a nacelle, sticking Finney in there for routine repairs, and having the Klingons show up requiring warp speed NOW. Did Finney get out of the nacelle before it was reactivated? Then the control on Kirk's chair could be related to activating the warp drive, definitely more plausible.
* Ah, "Vulcanian". Early Installment Weirdness, moving on...
* Is Cogley here the first example of someone in Star Trek preferring physical books? Makes one wonder if Kirk got into the hobby because of him.
* Spock still a Lt. Commander? Once again, a series based on a military structure should have this stuff in the series bible so people don't make these mistakes!
* I find it odd that Kirk would imply that another captain would come to replace him and play chess with Spock. I'd imagine that Spock himself would be offered the job, wouldn't you?
* So a grunt barely considered qualified to man the sensor pod can hack the computer enough so it takes days for Spock to notice? Putting aside implausibility, Section 31 should hire this guy!
* Yeah, two on-duty officers kissing each other on the bridge? There must be a regulation against that. Too bad Kirk didn't have a ready room.

The fiver:

Good stuff, lots of jokes to make me smile, but nothing jumps out as exceptional. At least not without copypasting huge scenes.

Memory Alpha:

* In his adaptation James Blish tried to technobabble an explanation for the pod by saying that it has a thin hull for better sensor readings, a hull that's too thin to protect the observer in extreme conditions. I still say it's hooey. Where is this supposed pod on the exterior of the ship? All I can think of is the bottom of the saucer where the captain's yacht would be on the E-D, but the comics state that the capsule (http://memory-beta.wikia.com/wiki/Capsule) goes there.

[Nate the Great]

February 9th, 1967, "The Return of the Archons"

The Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=thereturnofthearchons) (by Kira)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Return_of_the_Archons_(episode))
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/22.htm)

The episode:

* Still trying to wrap my mind around this brainwashing rod thing. Nanites injected via a hypospray-like effect? Do the locals have latent telepathic abilities and Landru constructed these rods to augment them?
* "Landru will find us through him." Whether nanites or telepathy, if Landru can see through the eyes of everyone in The Body, that's pretty impressive.
* There had to be a way to get around this "Sulu could be absorbed via rod instantly, but the others had to be kidnapped for a slower process" thing. What if Sulu's absorption didn't take because human brains are different from the natives, and thus a larger dose was required? A few lines of technobabble could've handled this.
* Is this the first example of Kirk talking a computer to death? I think so.

The fiver:

Kirk: Oh, my head... I haven't had a hangover this bad since that wild night on Draylax.

Apparently this is a reference to Enterprise. No further comment.

I'm sorry, Kira, there's good stuff throughout the fiver, it's just that none of it was particularly exceptional for purposes of this post.

Memory Alpha:

* The article says that this is one of four "Kirk-talks-the-computer-to-death" episodes. Talking androids to death would be another list. Strange, I want to say that there were more than four, but I can't think of exactly which episodes they are.

[Nate the Great]

February 16th, 1967, "Space Seed"

The Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=spaceseed) (by IJD GAF)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/24.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Space_Seed_(episode))

The episode:

* I had to delete a lot of nits from my first runthrough of this post. I don't want it to look like I hate the episode, so here's a quick rundown of the more charged observations:
** The view of '90's science from the viewpoint of the '60s is ludicrous, as is the separation of the Eugenics Wars from World War III. Both should've been combined into one war in the far future, at least a few generations removed from the original airing.
** McGivers is completely unprofessional. Couldn't they have had her in more of a Dehner role and introduce a few week's time lapse (the supermen gradually learning about the Enterprise, etc.) to give Khan time to use his charisma to slowly seduce her?
* Kirk's "I'll need somebody familiar with the late 20th-Century Earth." is funny. First, it seems like all future crews will have their resident 20th-Century expert on the senior staff already. Second, I hardly expect someone outside of a university to be that specialized. Even on the flagship, anything more specialized than "pre-warp Earth expert" seems unlikely.
* Must relate a favorite SF Debris joke at this point. When Khan revives, the first thing he wants to know is if Duke Nukem Forever is out yet (the review was made before the game was rescued by Take Two).
* "Well, either choke me or cut my throat. Make up your mind." You gotta love Bones.
* Once again, a visiting civilian wears a Starfleet uniform. Hate the NextGen civilian pajamas as much as you want, but at least no one wore a uniform who didn't deserve it.

The fiver:

Spock: A mint-condition DY-100 class from the 1990s. A priceless artifact.
Kirk: Niiiiice. How much would it be worth if we opened it?
Spock: Absolutely nothing. Shall we proceed?
Kirk: Yes, let's.

Ah, the '90s collectable industry. I'm glad I wasn't old enough or had the disposable income for that nonsense. Nice to look at on trips to the mall, at least.

Kirk: How much does McGivers like Khan?
McCoy: A lot. Why, are you jealous?
Kirk: Yes. I love women, and I've gotta have 'em all.
McCoy: Are you confusing "women" with "pokémon"?
Kirk: No...but Raichu is a cutey.

Um, eww. On so many levels.

Memory Alpha:

* Apparently Gene also asked why they'd waste a ship like that, until the Napoleon-in-exile metaphor was explained to him. Yeah, I never understood the point of exiling Napoleon. Even if the executing him was considered taboo, that's what iron masks and tall towers are for: to keep an eye on people you don't want to escape.
* I knew Khan changed costumes a lot, but apparently five is a record for a male guest star. Cue "the more you know (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03QuygM0YB8)" whoosh.

YouTube clips:

Khan wakes up and talks to McCoy (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BoVv1a354Bo)
Star Trek in the Park presents Space Seed (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhhJr71vsI4) (fan performance)

[Nate the Great]

February 23rd, 1967, "A Taste of Armageddon"

No fiver
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/23.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/A_Taste_of_Armageddon_(episode))

No fiver? That's a surprise.

The episode:

* So this Code 710 thing means "we don't want visitors ever". I don't think that Ambassador Fox has the right to ignore it. Shouldn't Kirk report to Starfleet asking for further orders?
* So Federation citizens have been traveling to this sector near an isolationist planet and have been killed for their trouble for decades. Starfleet has chosen not to use military force to stop this, nor has the Federation chosen to stop sending civilians there after the very first murders. And now a single ship has been sent for some reason to this system, without even a "we need the planet before the Klingons or Romulans get it" bit of lipservice. Uh-huh.
* Okay, time to cover the computer war. I grant you that it's an intriguing scifi plot, but it raises unfortunate implications. Why would this need to continue for generations? Generally speaking wars do not last generations. This is starting to sound like two governments agreeing under the table to use this excuse to cull their populations and maintain their political power. Unfortunate Implications, as TV Tropes calls it.
* Even if every single person on both planets agreed to this setup, third parties did not. Like I said before, the first murder of a third party should've brought war with the Federation or a blockade of the planet.
* I laugh at this idea that Anan thought that he could trick everyone on Enterprise to beam down for "shore leave" simultaneously. During "Shore Leave" there was a schedule drawn up, you need people on board to keep everything running. And how would the locals know how to run an entire starship if nobody has even flown to the neighboring planet for five hundred years?
* "Vulcanians." Old gripe, series bible, moving on...
* Never did like the mind meld through a wall. The entire point of Vulcan mind powers is that physical contact is needed. They could've at least come up with a line of technobabble like "the stone in this wall is much like that in the Shrine of Whatever on Vulcan, I believe I can use it as a conduit to control the guard for a short time."
* Always did like Spock's "there is a multilegged creature crawling on your shoulder" line.
* Fox outright declares that the mission is more important than the ship. This sort of nonsense is why ambassadors (except Sarek, who never pulls this sort of stunt) get such a bad rap across all of Trek.

Memory Alpha:

* First use of "The United Federation of Planets", not just "the Federation." Series bible blah blah blah.
* Last use of "Vulcanian." Thank goodness.

Youtube:

* Spock's multilegged creature line. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOfOYyucjhA)
* The Kirk speech (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnqzoTCNCF0). "I'm not going to kill today."

[Nate the Great]

March 2nd, 1967, "This Side of Paradise"

No fiver (again?)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/25.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/This_Side_of_Paradise_(episode))

The episode:

* The colony had 150 people, less than half of the Enterprise's crew. Why do the creators keep implying such small planetary populations? They don't have to cast all of them, would it hurt to say a thousand or ten thousand?
* As an amusing aside, the transcript describes the path in the colony as "tarmacadamed (https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/tarmacadam#English)." My mind did not go to "tarmack" upon seeing that word, I had to look it up. Why "paved" couldn't have been used I can't fathom.
* They didn't bring a subspace radio technician. For some bizarre reason the phrase "Next Tuesday" keeps echoing in my mind. Weird.
* For some reason McCoy's line "On pure speculation, just an educated guess, I'd say that man is alive." has long stayed with me. Must be the snarker in me.
* Hey, the script says "Vulcanian" and last week Memory Alpha promised me that we were done with that nonsense!
* Ugh, McCoy saying that the colonists are so healthy that he'd have nothing to do. Putting aside broken bones and concussions, how do you know a supervirus won't be sweeping through next month?
* Leila's comments to Spock about how she can see past the mask to his real feelings come off a little too much like self-insert fanfiction, don't they? I imagine that there are any number of women over the past fifty years who have felt similarly. It reminds me of the continued obsession some women have with Mr. Darcy as some kind of perfect man. Blech.
* Erm, why is Starfleet Command so insistent on moving these people against their wishes? They have no jurisdiction here. If the locals renounce their Federation citizenship status, Kirk has even less of a leg to stand on.
* Okay, here we go with the telepathic spores. They thrive under Berthold rays, can that be replicated on board? They evolved in conjunction with the local flowers until humanoid hosts arrived? If humanoids never evolved on this world, how would the spores know what they are? Even if they absorbed the knowledge of other planets from the colonists, why would they feel the need to spread? Is this supposed to be a simple survival instinct? Is each spore a separate consciousness, or is it a hive mind?
* Kirk can't stop everyone from going down? There's only one transporter room, isn't there a critical part that he can remove to disable the thing?
* With McCoy's Southern-ness being emphasized here, I wonder if that's his natural state and when he's on duty he consciously dials it down.
* Again Spock refers to his parents in the past tense. Insert ranting about series bibles here, moving on...

Memory Alpha:

* This episode is the source of the empty bridge shot later used in "Relics." Can you imagine how sad it'd be if it didn't exist? The only other time I can think of where the bridge was completely empty is aboard the duplicate Enterprise in "The Mark of Gideon."
* Supposedly the book "Star Trek 101" names this as one of ten essential TOS episodes. I don't see it. It's a good concept, but there was just too much repetition and at the same time events seem to move too quickly.

YouTube:

* Spock gets sprayed and kisses Leila (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SfdRVtIyFQc). I'm glad that it took longer for the spores to affect Spock, no doubt these spores aren't used to green blood.
* Kirk beams Spock up (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wY9NkYGUEyE) and goads him into a fight.

[Flying Gremlin]

* The colony had 150 people, less than half of the Enterprise's crew. Why do the creators keep implying such small planetary populations? They don't have to cast all of them, would it hurt to say a thousand or ten thousand?

I kept rereading this one, and the only thing I can think of is the "Wagon Train to the Stars" thing. You would be hard pressed to find frontier towns in the Old West that were larger than 200 people.

[Nate the Great]

March 9th, 1967, "The Devil in the Dark"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=thedevilinthedark) (by Wowbagger)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/26.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Devil_in_the_Dark_(episode))

The episode:

* If the Horta has killed fifty people, and it's known that a person left alone with one phaser isn't enough, why are they still leaving single people alone with one phaser?
* Sure, the mineral deposits here are important to planets all over the Federation, but that doesnt' justify sending men to die on a daily basis when "let's evacuate the planet" is an option.
* Let's talk about the implausibility of Horta physiology here. Let's accept that a Horta excretes acid, dissolves the rock around it, then "licks up" the acid and dissolved metal for nourishment. Fair enough. Too bad the episode features precision burning that is blatantly impossible given this hypothesis. Are we to believe that Hortas have tentacles that they can extend for this kind of thing?
* Even if the Horta has a tentacle that doesn't excrete acid, how could it take the pump without crushing it? In its natural habitat it would only encounter and know how to handle rock, sand/gravel, and magma, none of which are anything like a pump.
* I never did like the scene where Spock says that it's extremely unlikely that both he and Kirk will be killed if they go together? How did he arrive at that conclusion? Even if you posit a tentacle for precision killing, the Horta has no reason yet to treat any opponent different from another.
* McCoy is great in this episode. He's not a bricklayer, but he can cure a rainy day!

The fiver:

Kirk: Sneaking, sneaking, la la la la la...
Spock: Sir?
Kirk: An ancient song of Enterprise crewmen, Spock. It's at least 114 years old.

Is this a reference to an Enterprise fiver?

There are Shakespeare references all over the fiver, I won't repeat all of them. Wowwy, what's the connection?

Memory Alpha:

* Only TOS teaser without any main characters.
* Gene Coon had to alter the Horta to be silicon-based instead of the prior version. Silicon Avatar and androids aside, I remember Isaac Asimov writing about the possibilities of silicon-based life because silicon is the element below carbon.
* First appearance of "I'm a doctor, not a X." This far in?
* First appearance of the standard planetary jumpsuits. I can't help but think that this is incorrect, they must've shown up earlier.

YouTube:

* Spock's mind-meld (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65dzjOIkwwI) with the Horta. I'm not fond of episode after episode establishing Vulcans as touch-telepaths, only to have cases where Spock can link without physical contact.
* The ending (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvoPfZHXXPk), including the fact that Hortas like Vulcan ears.
* An ornament (http://www.fiveminute.net/forums/ornament)of Spock's mind-meld, along with "No Kill I."

[Zeke]

Catchup time!

Joe: Oh, sir, it was terrible! They just lay down and died. It must've been the Pax!

I Wikipedia'ed "pax" and I'm still stumped (seemingly no applicable definition).

It's from the <i>Firefly</i> movie. The Pax was a government experiment in making civilians happy and docile. It worked a little too well.

In the opening scene several characters were missing their chest emblems (I still call them Cochrane deltas for reasons explained elsewhere).

I love that explanation, though it doesn't work as well when you remember that the delta hasn't always been all of Starfleet's logo -- each ship had its own in Kirk's day. (The VOY episode "Friendship One" screwed this up by putting a delta on the titular pre-TOS probe. The writers must have found out quickly, because no deltas were used on ENT.)

Excellent budget-saving device.

Mark Altman pointed out in a review that "The Menagerie" could so easily have been an excuse plot: "Hey Mister Spock, what was it like to serve with Captain Pike?" Ever since I read that, I've been deeply unimpressed with episodes that DO use that sort of plot, such as VOY's "11:59".

Why not tell everyone, even the Klingons, outright, "The people on this planet can manipulate your senses. If you go there you may be enslaved for the rest of your life."

Later series introduced the idea of a warning beacon that could be placed near dangerous things, as in VOY's "Memorial". Maybe Starfleet got around to that eventually. More important, though, banning contact with the Talosians because of their powers is strictly a TOS thing to do. The Starfleet we know from later series wanted to make friends with the <i>Crystalline Entity</i>. For reasons both good and bad, they would <i>definitely</i> not give up on contact with the Talosians, so I doubt General Order 7 lasted much longer.

Incidentally, Zeke, was the misspelling of Vina as Vena a joke or reference to something?

It wasn't deliberate. I'm not sure where the error came in, but I'm pretty sure I used an online plot synopsis as my reference for the fiver, and <a href="http://www.ericweisstein.com/fun/startrek/TheMenageriePartOne.html">some of those</a> have the wrong spelling. (The character's name isn't listed in the credits.) One of these days I'll fix it.

With that "Reeding" reference I was expecting to be a reference to Enterprise, which still doesn't exist.

It <i>is</i> an ENT reference. In the first episode they go to Rigel X and Reed asks if some butterflies are real or "some sort of hologram". It was controversial at the time with people who were looking for things to find controversial. Of course Earth didn't have TNG-type holotechnology yet, but the <i>concept</i> exists even today. (The same scene inspired <a href="http://www.math.uchicago.edu/~wald/lit/butterfly.txt">this Kevin Wald filk</a>, a riff on the Dolly Parton song that was used as the theme for the show <i>Butterflies</i>.)

the TJ Hooker thing came out of left field

You think THAT one did, try the one in <a href="../oc/fiver.php?ep=theescape">this OC fiver</a>.

but to me the name refers to The Life of Reilly

Me too! I love that site. It's fascinating to see the anatomy of a comics disaster -- how all these talented pros managed to bounce off each other in all the wrong ways, and how many patch jobs on top of patch jobs were needed.

Kirk: Oh, don't go all Reeves-Stevens on us.

I'm going to guess that this is a reference to Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens

Natch. This is a reference to <i>Avenger</i>, the conclusion of the first Shatnerverse trilogy. The bad guys in that book are an eco-terrorist cult called the Symmetrists, and without giving too much away, they turn out to have been involved in several important TOS events.

As usual, there are a lot of fun bits in the book. My personal favourite:

<i>McCoy grinned proudly at Spock. "Hear that? They're applauding ME for a change."
"Doctor," Spock replied, "I am pleased that you think so."
Kirk cupped a hand to his ear. "Is someone applauding?"
McCoy's grin faded as he looked back to the screen. "I liked you both better when you were dead."</i>

How could the Enterprise have Romulan spies aboard?

I think that was a reasonable concern. Secrecy is what the Romulans <i>do</i>, and nations here on Earth have kept agents in deep cover for long periods of time (as the show "The Americans" is currently reminding everybody).

Spock: That logic is unsound, Captain. An invisible ship may still be able to see other ships, just as a man with his hands over his eyes is still visible.
Kirk: (gasp) You can see me when I do that?

Gasp!

I actually stole this joke from <a href="https://books.google.ca/books?id=TJSpkC3Rh_IC&pg=PT58&lpg=PT58&dq=defiant+search+%22you+can%27t+see+me%22&source=bl&ots=UtzXW8_t20&sig=CuTDeYaX069W0sEZh6VagjdXIZQ&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiYyYqr1cDSAhWk1IMKHQFHCToQ6AEINjAJ#v=on epage&q=defiant%20search%20%22you%20can%27t%20see%20me%2 2&f=false">a serious bit in the novelization of DS9's "The Search"</a> (in which, you'll recall, the <i>Defiant</i> really is kidding itself about being invisible to the Jem'Hadar -- though they get that fixed later).

Side note: Kirk actually has a point here. Someone truly "invisible", i.e. completely translucent, would be unable to see because light would pass right through his retinas. A useful cloaking device would have to be more sophisticated than that.

I had to look this one up. Valen is a Bablyon 5 character.

More important, this scene plays out exactly like one in the episode "Atonement", so I took both the Centurion's dying message and the Commander's reaction from it.

Spock: Unfortunately, we cannot fire phasers again until our first three shots leave the screen.

That sounds like a video game reference, but which one?

I had Mega Man in mind, but it could've been several others, such as Samus in the first Metroid game. Three is a common bullet limit for platformers to prevent sprite overload.

McCoy: Are you confusing "women" with "pokémon"?
Kirk: No...but Raichu is a cutey.

Um, eww. On so many levels.

Shh, nobody tell Nate about <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/VideoGame/Moemon">Moemon</a>.

No fiver [for "A Taste of Armageddon" or "This Side of Paradise"]? That's a surprise.

We have about six TOS fivers not done yet, most of them memorable episodes. This is because when we realized the series was nearly done, we staffers divvied up the best of the leftovers for the "End of 5MST" event. We really intended to do them all -- that's why we went ahead and started the event -- but several of us (not just me for once!) had bit off more than we could chew. Result: the last few unfived TOS episodes are really memorable ones whose absence is puzzling if you don't know the story. Btw, one of mine that I got halfway through at the time was "Spock's Brain", and that's why the first half of that fiver was so much older than the rest.

Kirk: Sneaking, sneaking, la la la la la...

Is this a reference to an Enterprise fiver?

Nate, Nate, Nate... <a href="https://www.google.ca/search?q=%22la+la+la%22&sitesearch=fiveminute.net&gws_rd=cr&ei=5v3BWNvgDqnCjwTS_JygDQ">what do we have a search box for?</a> I first made this joke in 2001 in the DS9 pilot fiver, and it's since been in an absolute <i>crapton</i> of others both by me and guests. By the way, the inspiration for it was <a href="http://www.eastersealscamps.ca/songs?action=show_songs&songid=41">this children's song</a>, so if you've ever wondered what tune this gag is sung to, listen to the mp3 on that page. The song is often done B-I-N-G-O style, dropping one word from the chorus each time around, hence the generic "la la la la la".

But yes, that particular one probably is a reference to an ENT fiver. <a href="../enterprise/fiver.php?ep=deadstop">This one</a>, to be exact.

[Nate the Great]

There's no reason why the Cochrane delta couldn't exist as a symbol elsewhere (still shouldn't have been on Friendship One, but still...), and just not applied to Starfleet as a whole until the big fleet relaunch between TOS and STTMP.

[Flying Gremlin]

Technically, it did. But you don't acknowledge Enterprise.

[Nate the Great]

No episode this week, but we only have four episodes left of the season, so I decided to use the break to discuss what to do with this thread until Season Two in September. Options:

1. Cover the Animated Series during the break.
2. Do a movie every other week.
3. Abandon the "fifty years later" conceit and just keep doing an episode a week.

Next fall is the TNG 30th anniversary, but I can't see myself doing two of these a week if so few people are reading them.

[Nate the Great]

March 23rd, 1967, "Errand of Mercy"

The fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=errandofmercy) (by IJD GAF)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/27.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Errand_of_Mercy_(episode))

The episode:

* Again, I must preface the analysis with the assertion that I do like the episode. Kor was characterized more than most Klingons, and you can see how he could be our friend in a different era.
* Don't try to think about how many died in that few days of war before the Organians stopped it.
* It seems like a waste of resources to put Kor on this planet instead of commanding a battle fleet during the current war.
* A Klingon fleet is in the quadrant and Kirk and Spock are going planetside? During wartime Kirk should never leave the ship unless the Enterprise is far, far away from the fighting, right? Couldn't Sulu handle this mission?
* Between now and Tribbles, one wonders what "kevas and trillium" are. The book "Prime Directive" designates them as akin to incense, "Diplomatic Implausibility" says that kevas are a gemstone. The novelization of the episode says that trillium is a medicinal plant.
* I do like how Kor likes Kirk for having a spine and not smiling like everyone else.
* The Klingon mind-sifter should've been used more often. The third and sixth movies come to mind.
* One wonders how much brain activity Spock devotes to these continual reevaluation of probabilities. I wonder how he'd do on the Heart of Gold.

The fiver:

Uhura: In the event of an emergency such as this, starship captains have no choice but to enter the KM-Zone.
Kirk: What's that?
Uhura: Er, nothing.

Could we have an explanation of this "KM-Zone"?

Kor: Greetings. I am Kor. Much like Korn, but without N.
Kirk: Korn without end? The horror!
Kor: Yes, many an appreciator of music has trembled before me.

So Korn is a nu-metal band, apparently. I'm going to assume that "Korn without end" is an injoke.

Kirk: I'm confused. Is that a threat or merely a continuity error?
Kor: Both. Klingon continuity has never been terribly ridged.
Kirk: You mean rigid.
Kor: That's what I said.

Ugh. Couldn't we all just go with "the foreheads were always ridged, but the budget couldn't support it" and move on?

Uhura: Nothing. Say, how'd you like to find a toy store that sells cold yo-yos?
Kirk: Hooray!

"Cold yo-yos" sounds like another reference to something, but I have to say it would make a great name for a rock band.

Memory Alpha:

* The first appearance of the Klingons. It seems odd that it took so long. Yada yada, major galactic powers should've been in the series bible, yada yada...
* Last appearance of "Vulcanian." Good riddance to bad rubbish and all that.

YouTube:

* Kor approves of "Baroner" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mnmjNiZ4fk).
* The destruction of the munitions dump. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvZEQ-DtIlo)

[Nate the Great]

March 30th, 1967, "The Alternative Factor"

The fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=thealternativefactor) (by Derek)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/20.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Alternative_Factor_(episode))

The episode:

* Again with the "photography" instead of "sensors." Ugh.
* Spock describes Lazarus as "human." Did "humanoid" not exist yet?
* This winking out phenomenon should've been studied further. I mean, think of the military applications if you could jam your opponents sensors, if only for a few seconds!
* So in this episode Starfleet can get information within a few hours from the entire galaxy and far beyond. Proof that no astronomers were on staff. Space is big, really big, you just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-boggilingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist, but that's just peanuts to--SLAP! Sorry. Let's assume that the satellite galaxies of the Milky Way were meant. They're 200,000 light years away (instead of the nearest real galaxies at 2.5 million light years)! So at this point subspace is so fast that it can go half a million light years in a few hours (both ways, remember?). That's 2 BILLION times the speed of light! A few different tech manuals for 24th century subspace says that it's Warp 9.9999=about 200,000 times the speed of light. Let's toss aside that the 24th century is more advanced than the 23rd, an order of magnitude doesn't matter much either way when you're talking about this episode, where somehow subspace communication has suddenly gotten TEN THOUSAND TIMES FASTER THAN ANY OTHER EPISODE IN ANY SERIES! Seriously, where were the TOS equivalents of Sternbach and Okuda on this one? Surely "at least a thousand light years" would endanger enough people to be a plausible threat and still be somewhat realistic!
* After the preceding rant, all other technobabble in this episode seems reasonable, even that bit where a lunatic can telepathically trigger an effect that can cover billions of cubic light years. And if that effect is caused by his ship (and if we presume that dilithium crystals by themselves are an energy source), that one small ship can cause this effect. Okay, so it's not so reasonable. Remember on Stargate when you had to destroy an entire planet made out of Unobtanium to get a signal that far?
* You gotta feel for the sane Lazarus, though. His only crime was being the doppelganger of someone on the verge of madness.

The fiver:

The "inconceivable" jokes and substitutions were funny, I won't repeat them all.

Lazarus: I was persuing him. He's my foe. The God to my Satan. The Holmes to my Moriarty. The Superman to my Lex Luthor.
Kirk: Should I be troubled by you attributing the good characteristics to him and the bad ones to yourself?

Yes, you should, although "counterparts" would be a better word that "characteristics" in this case.

Spock: We've discovered a rip in the universe
Kirk: So we need a tailor to make a stitch in time?

This has nothing to do with the fiver, but I do recommend the novel "A Stitch in Time", the "autobiography" of Elim Garak. We now return you to the fiver analysis already in progress.

Kirk: How about some answers. What's your ship?
Lazarus: It's a time ship.
Kirk: Your last name isn't Braxton, is it?
Lazarus: I'm hunting down another time traveller, who blew up my planet in the 29th century as part of a temporal cold war. Now I need your dilithium to get back to the year 1985.
Kirk: Why do I get the feeling you're just making this up?
Lazarus: I must stop the other, and his little dog too.

Wow. Voyager, Enterprise, Back to the Future, AND the Wizard of Oz. And apparently you misspelled "traveler." One "L." It's too bad it wasn't the other way around, or I could've made another Stargate joke!

Memory Alpha:

* First appearance of realtime two-way subspace communication. No wonder, since the thing is working TEN THOUSAND TIMES FASTER THAN--slap!

[Nate the Great]

April 13th, 1967, "Operation-Annihilate"

You know, I suddenly wonder why they didn't swap this episode and "City...", making "City..." a two-part cliffhanger.

Incidentally, I'm not going to stick to a weekly schedule with this all summer. There isn't enough interest, not a single person responded with what they'd like me to do. Maybe I'll do a movie or animated episode once in awhile when I feel like it, maybe I won't. We'll see how I feel about returning to a weekly schedule for Season Two in the fall. Ditto for NextGen's 30th.

The fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=operationannihilate) (by Tate)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/29.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Operation_--_Annihilate!_(episode))

The episode:

* Kirk's brother George and his family lives here. And yet they were never mentioned before or since. Well, George had a cameo in the reboot, but the character was ultimately rewritten to be someone else. Besides, I don't care about the Kelvinverse anyway. If you want more on Kirk's nephew Peter, I refer you to the excellent novel Sarek. Peter hooks up with a Klingon woman and everything!
* "No Federation contacts for over a year." Yeah, no. I get that TOS was going for the "frontier" feeling, but that's just too much for anything other than an automated station. Things go wrong, and in TOS they often do. Furthermore, subspace isn't nearly fast or reliable enough at this point in time to be the main contact method. There should be a Federation-affiliated ship dropping by monthly, if not more often.
* I do appreciate when the enemy is nonhumanoid and nonintelligent. It shows more imagiantion.
* The Vulcan inner eyelid makes sense, but that doesn't make it feel any less like a blatant copout. I'd have preferred "Vulcans can handle eye transplants easier than humans can, he'll be back on duty in a few weeks" and then never mention it again, quite frankly.

The fiver:

I do like the "I have a brother?" "You had a brother." gag, but a few more variations would've been nice.

Aurelan: The evil creatures came eight months ago and they're using pain to force us to do whatever they want us to do. GAK!
Kirk: That's it? She's dead? I was expecting at least an emotionally charged plea that I stop the creatures.
Aurelan: Oh, by the way, please please PLEASE (sob) DON'T LET THEM GO ANY FURTHER! GAK!

Today that first "GAK!" would've been "ACK!" to mark the pseudo-death.

Spock: The creature's dead, but I'm blind.
McCoy: Bwahaha! I mean, oh no! That's too bad!

Maniacal laughter from Bones. That's a new one.

Captain's Log: Now for your Denevan weather forecast. Expect it to be VERY sunny today. You giant evil brain cell creatures may want to stay inside today, or, better yet, DIE! DIE! DIEDIEDIE--
Sulu: Captain, have you considered the effect of ultraviolet light on human skin? We're talking an epidemic of skin cancer.
Kirk: Hey! What did I tell you about my logs?

Is this a reference to another fiver?

YouTube:

The attack of the flying rubber pancakes. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZgWBpWnxk4)
It's raining sizzling rubber pancakes! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bi3-CEbsxvA)

[Nate the Great]

Hey, where did my "City on the Edge of Forever" post go?

[Nate the Great]

"City on the Edge of Forever", Take 2

The fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=thecityontheedgeofforever) (by IJD GAF)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/28.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_City_on_the_Edge_of_Forever_(episode))

Preface:

* In the name of civility I'm going to avoid the idiotic mistakes made by Ellison and Roddenberry. Go watch SF Debris if you want that stuff.

The episode:

* Many nits here, so I'm just going to list them as briefly as possible.
* If cordrazine is so dangerous, keep it in a safe in sickbay, not in a medkit.
* "Ten thousand centuries?" Is that easier to say than "over a million years?"
* So what is the Guardian, machine or being? I don't like riddles any more than Spock does. Just say "an artificial intelligence" or "a being's intelligence imprinted onto a machine" or whatever.
* So the Guardian can pluck people from the past, but can't control the playback speed or send people to specific points? I'm glad the animated series chucked that stupid limitation.
* I do love the ricepicker story. Borderline un-PC at the time, completely so today. I wonder how China dubs that line.
* I don't know of Kirk presenting the computer problem as a veiled insult is clever or just mean. I lean toward the latter. How about "I know Spock, but please do your best"?
* Fifteen cents an hour in 1930 is two dollars an hour today. Still pretty bad, but I daresay the mission didn't have the budget for two more part-time workers anyway. And the food is free.
* Edith's speech is inspiring, but I question it's effectiveness for people in the Great Depression who are struggling just to stay alive. More than one person should've been grumbling about that.
* Spock thinks they can get platinum in this setting? What an idiot.
* I also love "stone knives and bearskins."
* Kirk and Edith's relationship is certainly one of the more believable ones. I do like the "let me help"/"I love you" thing.
* The wording of "I believe I'm in love with Edith Keeler" deserves a little discussion. First, Kirk really doesn't know what real love feels like. Second, how can Kirk really know how he feels when so little time has passed in this unusual situation. I'm reminded of Picard and Miranda Vigo; they both knew it couldn't last so the relationship was more intense with fewer inhibitions.
* I also like the lack of post-episode Captain's Log, or even a last scene between Kirk and McCoy on board the ship.

The fiver:

Captain's Log: There's no Enterprise, and we're stuck here. Wait a minute, what am I making this log entry on?

Spock's tricorder, obviously.

Kirk: Well, the only problem I see is that GIANT DIVERSION OVER THERE!
Policeman: Wha--? ...Aww.

Classic gag.

Edith: You two are wierd.
Kirk: Who cares? You're female. Let's go for a walk or something.
Edith: Ooh, giggle....

Even Edith Keeler can't escape the juvenilization of the fiving process. The use of "female" instead of "a woman" confuses me. Given the time period and Kirk's personality, even "a chick" wouldn't be out of place.

McCoy: Wow, I'm feeling conscious and sane!
Edith: You're on 1930s Earth.
McCoy: Hey, stop bursting my bubble like that!

Imagine the hangover jokes we could've made if this had been Scotty.

Scotty: So, did you set time right?
Guardian: They chose -- wisely.
Kirk: Just get us the hell out of here.
Guardian: But...but....
Kirk: Quiet, you. Maybe if you're lucky we can give you a cameo in a TAS episode -- with James Doohan doing your voice.
Guardian: Nooooooooooooooooooo!

Lots of good gags here. The Indiana Jones bit was certainly unexpected.

Memory Alpha:

* Lots of material here about the original, UNFILMABLE, Ellison script.
* Gene's being against the drug thing seems odd in light of Mudd's Women, considering that Gene wrote the initial outline for that episode. For me, having some rescued miners on board to deal the drugs could've worked, but it would've been several more guest stars and a lot more screentime. Even as is the episode seems too cramped.
* So Ellison backs off from having his "Cordwainer Bird" pseudonym attached because he's afraid Gene will blackball him in the industry. Since when did Gene ever have that kind of power?
* Clark Gable was not a leading man in 1930. If a leading man in 1930 who would've been known in 1967 was desired, I wonder why Maurice Chevalier, John Wayne, Buster Keaton, John Barrymore, Gary Gooper, or William Powell couldn't have been used.

YouTube:

* The cordrazine overdose. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5kICRWh3n8)
* Edith predicts the future (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fH_Ze5fYwxI).
* Kirk and Spock discover how Edith changes history. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRIYBO-05K8)
* The ending, including Edith's death. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7uKWpWkcpdM)

[Flying Gremlin]

Uhura: In the event of an emergency such as this, starship captains have no choice but to enter the KM-Zone.
Kirk: What's that?
Uhura: Er, nothing.

Could we have an explanation of this "KM-Zone"?

They had a subtle explanation in the Fiver itself later on.

Let me give you a hint (https://youtu.be/fsNAT2cGThg)...

[Flying Gremlin]

Captain's Log: Now for your Denevan weather forecast. Expect it to be VERY sunny today. You giant evil brain cell creatures may want to stay inside today, or, better yet, DIE! DIE! DIEDIEDIE--
Sulu: Captain, have you considered the effect of ultraviolet light on human skin? We're talking an epidemic of skin cancer.
Kirk: Hey! What did I tell you about my logs?

Is this a reference to another fiver?

...you skimmed the Fiver, didn't you? This little gem was earlier in the same Fiver:

Captain's log: My brother's dead, my sister-in-law's dying, my nephew's in a coma, and everyone on Deneva is insane. In other news, the Klingons defeated the Romulans 14-7 in today's big game...
Sulu: Wait a minute, shouldn't you at least show some concern for your family?
Kirk: Hey! Get out of my captain's log!



And too bad you're stopping. I liked this, despite the fact that you seem to be skimming the Fivers and a bit of a nitpicker. Oh, and you don't think Enterprise exists.

[Nate the Great]

We'll see how I feel in the fall, to maintain the 50 year gap. I'm not in the mood to cater to two people.

If I do resume, I may have to set myself a limit on how many complaints I can make. Hopefully by Season Two the terminology and technology are more consistent, anyway.

[Flying Gremlin]

vBulletin does has the ability to track who has read a thread and display it below or above the content. It's been a LONG time since I used this version, but maybe it has it and maybe Zeke could either enable it or at least tell you who has looked at this thread of the registered users?

[Nate the Great]

I'm thinking of resuming the TOS recaps in a easier-to-make format, abandoning the 50 year lag, in hopes of getting this done in time to start 30 years of TNG in the fall.

Proposed modifications:

* No more links to Memory Alpha or Memory Beta if it's the main episode page. You can look those up yourselves. More esoteric pages will still be linked.
* No more links to transcripts, you can look those up yourselves.
* I only get to make three nits per episode: one example of a main character acting contrary to their established persona and personality, one conflict with established canon, and one unforgivable plot hole.

Opinions?

[Flying Gremlin]

I'm thinking of resuming the TOS recaps in a easier-to-make format, abandoning the 50 year lag, in hopes of getting this done in time to start 30 years of TNG in the fall.

Proposed modifications:

* No more links to Memory Alpha or Memory Beta if it's the main episode page. You can look those up yourselves. More esoteric pages will still be linked.
* No more links to transcripts, you can look those up yourselves.
* I only get to make three nits per episode: one example of a main character acting contrary to their established persona and personality, one conflict with established canon, and one unforgivable plot hole.

Opinions?

MA and MB links for the pages, agreed that they're not necessary.

Transcripts... meh. I could take 'em or leave 'em.

Nitpick as much as you want, though. You know you want to, and I hear holding that in is detrimental to your health.

[Nate the Great]

Well, I hope that by Season Two of TOS the rate of "this should've been in the series bible early on" plot holes will slow down.

[Flying Gremlin]

Well, I hope that by Season Two of TOS the rate of "this should've been in the series bible early on" plot holes will slow down.

The real reason for my absence for a month? I fell over laughing at this, hit my head on something, and had a concussion for three weeks where I wasn't allowed to use a computer.

https://media.giphy.com/media/13uDde6AxxDW5G/giphy.gif

[Flying Gremlin]

By the way, if you want, I can do "Amok Time".

[Nate the Great]

Are we maintaining the 50 year gap?

[Flying Gremlin]

I was going to. It was to give myself time to get to Amok Time since I decided on that day to start re-watching TOS.

[Nate the Great]

Amok Time is coming on the 15th, right Gremmy?

[Nate the Great]

Amok Time is coming on the 15th, right Gremmy?

If you don't say yes I'd like the advance warning.

The TNG 30th is coming up on the 28th; that'll be it's own thread of course.

[Flying Gremlin]

YOU'RE NOT MY SUPERVISOR (https://youtu.be/YEwlW5sHQ4Q)

...ahem.

Yeah, it's all written and everything. I even have a reminder for it on my phone.

[Flying Gremlin]

"Amok Time"

Originally aired September 15, 1967, as the start of the second season of Star Trek. Also called one of the essential episodes of the series, which I wholeheartedly agree with.

No fiver? Awwwwwwww...
Transcript (”http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/34.htm")
Memory Alpha Page (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Amok_Time_(episode))


The episode:

* The Spock feature episode that set up so many things about Vulcans, or as someone would say, “backfilling”.
* Hi, Chekov, nice of you to finally join the rest of us. Your hair looks funny though.
* Geez, Spock, could you stomp a little bit more on Chapel’s poor heart? Talk about kicking the dog throughout the episode. To her credit, Majel played this really well.
* The Vulcan set is one of the best in TOS, hands down.
* The fact that both Kirk and McCoy speak with admiration about T’Pau here is quite impressive. There are not many places in the first season of TOS where they speak this positively about any female, other than to be basically a prop for a male. Not sure if this was something that was scandalous back in the 60s, but as a historical perspective this may be a pretty significant action: they acknowledge that there are powerful women out there, even ones that demand respect of the men.
* Is it just me, or does Kirk seem a little, “Duh, okay” once the wedding party arrives?
* Insert obligatory reference to the fight music here.
* The end excuse that the Enterprise gets for diverting to Vulcan seemed a little tacked on and unnecessary. Then again, some of the excuse stuff to divert the ship throughout the episode seemed unnecessary and just trying to build tension. Though shoutout to T’Pau’s influence that she can divert starships on important missions.


Memory Alpha:

* Some of the original script details might have helped the episode along, admiration for T’Pau or not.
* I never noticed that the thick painted stripes on the corridors were added on this season.
* Out of all things, why does MA not have a page of all the places where the fight music is directly played?
* The actress playing T’Pring agreed with me saying it was a good set. Also was originally going to be Doctor Dehner from “Where No Man Has Gone Before”. Interesting.
* The fact that this episode was one of the ones considered for the DS9 “Trials and Tribble-ations” scene where Sisko and Kirk would interact would have been hilarious, as it would have been a good play on fandom and what actually meeting a fictional character like Kirk would go like from a fan stuck in the same spot, in the turbolift with Kirk just looking at them like a babbling idiot. I do agree with the final assessment that the scene they ultimately went with was good, though, as it was meant to be more touching than jabbing.



YouTube:

The entire fight scene (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQL9U-fCQ64)
Just the music (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ml4wAnvfM4M)
”I shall do neither. I have killed my captain… and my friend.” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQ66DvdojR8)
Spock smiles! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5pocMUIWwU)

[Nate the Great]

I thought we were ditching the Memory Alpha and transcript links in the name of expediency. Kudos for going above and beyond, I guess...

* Don't you just love the use of helmets to cover the pointed ears to save on makeup costs?
* While it's certainly impressive that T'Pau is the only one to ever turn down a seat on the Federation Council, I wonder if she'd really be the first in a hundred years.
* I wonder where Chapel got the plomeek for the soup. Let's assume that the food slot is not a replicator for a moment, but a mechanical assembler or delivery system from the kitchen. If plomeek soup takes a considerable amount of effort and time to prepare, as McCoy indicates, I doubt Spock would consider it a logical use of his time to do it himself. Is there a simpler use for plomeek (salad, etc.) that Spock would use, and Chapel "borrowed" it from him?

[Flying Gremlin]

I thought we were ditching the Memory Alpha and transcript links in the name of expediency. Kudos for going above and beyond, I guess...

It was easier to copy/paste the template and modify the links. Considering there was also no Fiver to go along, I thought to give it some more substance it was best to keep the links.

* While it's certainly impressive that T'Pau is the only one to ever turn down a seat on the Federation Council, I wonder if she'd really be the first in a hundred years.

Probably not, but think about how old T'Pau is. Yes, I know I'm pulling ENT here, but she's about 160 years old in this particular episode (give or take a decade). She could have only been offered the spot later on in life and turned it down, but she also could have been offered it at the birth of the Federation in 2161.

* I wonder where Chapel got the plomeek for the soup. Let's assume that the food slot is not a replicator for a moment, but a mechanical assembler or delivery system from the kitchen. If plomeek soup takes a considerable amount of effort and time to prepare, as McCoy indicates, I doubt Spock would consider it a logical use of his time to do it himself. Is there a simpler use for plomeek (salad, etc.) that Spock would use, and Chapel "borrowed" it from him?

Tea.

[Nate the Great]

Oh look, a beartrap baited with a reference to Enterprise just waiting for Nate to step into!

[Nate the Great]

Nitpicker's Guide notes for "Amok Time:"

Well, there's only one this time: Does Starfleet really condone rank advancement via assassination? Suppose Kirk really was killed, wouldn't McCoy be obligated to arrest Spock rather than declare him captain of the Enterprise?

[Nate the Great]

Turkish Spock fights Turkish Kirk using Turkish Lirpas!
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAjACjXff0w)
If you need an explanation of Turkish Star Trek, may I recommend the Deja View episode (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLnmFg6ffBY) that covers it?

Leonard Nimoy narrates an excerpt (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=omwli2_bdgA) of the audiobook of Spock's World by Diane Duane. It gives Spock's account of the events of "Amok Time."

Geek Remixed covers the fight music (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImV0CapjLIU)(which is apparently technically "The Ritual" by Gerald Fried) in almost dubstep style.

Trek in the Park presents a live performance of the fight. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mj0u87FTwSs)

A surf remix of the fight music. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kr00ku4dMts)

Two cats playfight backed by the fight music. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZIvtwqcO20) This music really does make anything seem more epic.

Someone turned the episode into an opera. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZrrP0cGsHg&list=PLA7B50CF31DC15347) Don't ask me why, mass insanity is all I can guess.

Of course Hallmark made an ornament of Kirk and Spock's lirpa fight (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PrQlhzLcbg)with the fight music built in.

I've already posted the handheld fight music box (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WKsysvkelxw), but why not do it again?

[Flying Gremlin]

...did I really do that bad of a job?

[Nate the Great]

What makes you think you did a bad job?

[Flying Gremlin]

Never mind, just being a little insecure. Sorry.

[Nate the Great]

September 22nd, 1967, "Who Mourns for Adonais"

Fiver by Derek (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=whomournsforadonais)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Who_Mourns_for_Adonais%3F_(episode))
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/33.htm)

The fiver:

Sulu: A big hand just appeared in space!
Spock: I've got to hand it to you, Mr. Sulu. Your observation is correct.
Sulu: It's grabbing the Enterprise!
Spock: Now things are getting out of hand.
Kirk: Spock! Stop with the hand puns!
Spock: Sorry, Captain. I wouldn't want to get ahead of myself.
Kirk: Don't tell me: there's a head on the viewscreen.
Sulu: Yep.
Kirk: Just for that, Spock, you're confined to the ship for a week.

You gotta love puns.

Apollo: I will now turn into Giant Apollo.
Kirk: How'd you do that?
Apollo: There was a piece of cake here with a note that said "BITE ME."
Kirk: You mean "EAT ME."
Apollo: Whatever.

Hey, I'm a sucker for Alice in Wonderland jokes, that earns a lot of points right there.

Palamas: I'm agog!
Apollo: And I'm a god. Works well, doesn't it?

Reminds me of the allegorical/Al Gore joke. I'll just toss that out as a pale imitation of the quote game, name that episode!

Kirk: Hey, Scotty's alive!
McCoy: Yep. Turns out he was only mostly dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. See, mostly dead is....
Kirk: ...slightly alive. We've all seen The Princess Bride, no need to quote the whole thing.
McCoy: As you wish.

I'm also a sucker for Princess Bride jokes.

Scotty: I bet Cupid could shoot better arrows than you!
Apollo: It's Eros, moron! People who confuse Greek and Roman gods deserve to be zapped!

It reminds me of all of those times people surround Hercules with Greek gods instead of Roman ones.

The episode:

MCCOY: And he thinks he's the right man for her, but I'm not sure she thinks he's the right man. On the other hand, she's a woman. All woman. One day she'll find the right man and off she'll go, out of the service.

Yikes, there's '60s gender politics for you. The problem is that when Martine and Tomlinson got married in "Balance of Terror" there was no such talk of Martine retiring. Another question is why there would be a problem as long as children aren't in the picture and they aren't in the same chain of command.

KIRK: Thank you. Mister Sulu. Our forward tractor beams, adjust to repel.
SULU: Aye, aye, sir. Standing by.

It puts Wesley's repulser beam in "The Naked Now" into perspective, doesn't it?

APOLLO [on viewscreen]: Yes. I caused the wind to withdraw from your sails.

I suddenly wonder how he and Trelane would get along.

APOLLO [on viewscreen]: You have the same fire. How like your fathers you are. Agamemnon, Hector, Odysseus.

Odysseus needs no explanation, or at least he shouldn't. Kirk is like him because of his cleverness and his luck with the ladies.

Agamemnon was a king and general during the Trojan War. Kirk is like him because he's a great warrior.

Hector was also a leader in the Trojan War (although on the other side). Kirk is like him because of his nobility, love of peace, and to quote James Redfield, "martyr to loyalties, a witness to the things of this world, a hero ready to die for the precious imperfections of ordinary life."

APOLLO: I am Apollo.
CHEKOV: And I am the tsar of all the Russias.

I like the Queen of Sheba joke (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AndImTheQueenOfSheba).

MCCOY: To coin a phrase, fascinating.

I always like it when a catchphrase is called for but the usual user of said catchphrase isn't present, so someone else has to say it.

APOLLO: I've known other women. Daphne, Cassandra, but none more beautiful than you.

Daphne was a nymph who turned herself into a tree to escape Apollo's advances. This is what we call a joke meant for the mythology majors in the audience. And before you ask, of course I'm googling all this stuff!

Cassandra of course is the one cursed with being able to see the future but no one will believe her. What I'm trying to get at is simply this: TOS writers don't just throw references to Greek mythology willy-nilly into a script just to sound smart; they do their homework!

UHURA: Mister Spock, I haven't done anything like this in years. If it isn't done just right, I could blow the entire communications system. It's very delicate work, sir.
SPOCK: I can think no one better equipped to handle it, Miss Uhura. Please proceed.

Gasp! A minor character given half a minute to show how competent they are in roles outside their usual pigeonhole! Remember when that actually happened in Star Trek?

Now's as good a place as any to mention the work of William Ware Theiss and the Theiss Titilation Theory (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheissTitillationTheory). The gown worn by Palamas (https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/memoryalpha/images/e/e1/Lieutenant_Carolyn_Palamas_endowed_with_new_garmen ts_by_Apollo.jpg/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/350?cb=20120928102336&path-prefix=en) seems to be held up only by the weight of her cape, but plenty of double-sided tape was employed, there was no danger of a wardrobe malfunction.

Memory Alpha:

The original ending where Palamas is pregnant is discussed. I remember reading that one in the Blish novelization as a child. I'm glad it wasn't kept, as it's a little squicky. "The Child", anyone?

Nitpicker's Guide:

It's pointed out that Apollo melts a phaser while Scotty is holding it, making a prime opportunity to explain Doohan's missing finger in future episodes. I don't like this idea, by this point a mere finger should be able to be cloned and attached.

Youtube:

Apollo fixates on Palamas and transforms her clothes. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjAUdOcKYiw)

Star Trek Continues, "Pilgrim of Eternity", featuring the return of an aged Apollo. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYXmhevDO7Q)

[Flying Gremlin]

I'm glad I didn't volunteer for any more; my primary way of watching these decided to quit out on me.

[Nate the Great]

September 29th, 1967, "The Changeling"

Obligatory "STTMP is a worse version of this episode" joke, moving on...

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=thechangeling) by IJD GAF
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Changeling_(episode))
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/37.htm)

The Episode

SULU: Captain, shields just snapped on. Something heading in at multiwarp speeds.

Multiwarp? Is that anything like transwarp?

KIRK: Five hundred kilos and only one metre long?
SCOTT: What kind of intelligent creatures can exist in a thing that small?
SPOCK: Intelligence does not necessarily require bulk, Mister Scott.

I suddenly wonder how much a Hooloovoo weighs (kudos to those who get the reference).

KIRK: Besides, once it's aboard, it won't be taking any more shots at us.

Why not? If anything, weapons fire from the inside out could do more damage because the hull will contain at least some of the energy.

MCCOY: I thought you might like to know that Lieutenant Uhura is back to college level. She'll be back on the job within a week.

This reeducation in a week stuff is just ridiculous. Even if we're to buy that the raw information can be imprinted onto the brain, there's more to being a person, much less a Starfleet officer, than raw information. What about her childhood, what about her hobbies, the relationships she's formed? At least run her through the transporter using the most recent trace to restore her mind to what it was a few days ago!

The Fiver

Spock: I'm not reading any lifeforms in the entire system. It appears that one of our planets is missing.

No Animated Series joke, IJD?

Kirk: I am Captain James T. Kirk of the U.S.S. Enterprise. But you can call me T-Bone. By the way, I'm single.

T-Bone?

Kirk: I've been hitting on tiny space chicks?
McCoy: Looks like a robot to me.
Scotty: I'll say. It just leaked oil on the transporter pad.
Nomad: I require star charts.
Spock: Jim, that book isn't canon. If we show it to him, the data may be contradicted in future episodes!
Kirk: It's a risk we'll have to take.

Book? I think we might need a dicer for this one.

Spock: I also believe it is confusing the captain with its creator, Roykirk.
McCoy: Or maybe Kirk Douglass.
Kirk: Or Ole Kirk Christiansen, inventor of the LEGO.
McCoy: Or Southern Gospel talent Kirk Talley.
Kirk: Or Congressman Mark Steven Kirk, 10th District Illinois.

Kirk Douglas only has one "s". Anyway, he starred in many films, and he's still kicking at the ripe old age of 100. I shudder to think that in time he'll be remembered for 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea and nothing else.

Ole Kirk Christiansen, the LEGO guy. He made my youth so much richer, and the day I had to surrender my collection to a younger generation was a sad day indeed (of course I still have a few souvenirs). I may have mentioned before how I was a member of the fan club for many years.

Mark Steven Kirk retired recently from Congress. "Kirk" means "church" in Scotland. Apparently Star Trek invented "roykirk" as a name, but there was a guy in Minnesota named Monte Roy Kirk who died in 2002, so let him have his five seconds of fame. Other James Kirks in history include a Scottish actor (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Allenby-Kirk), a Union Army officer (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_T._Kirk_(Union_officer)) from the Civil War (his middle initial is even "T", although for Thompson and not Tiberius), an English WWI soldier (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Kirk_(VC)) and Victoria Cross recipient, the captain of the Navy Destroyer (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/USS_Zumwalt)USS Zumwalt (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/USS_Zumwalt) (jokes were made when he got the job), a member of the defunt Scottish punk band Orange Juice (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orange_Juice_(band)), a former Scottish soccer player (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jimmy_Kirk), and a former Canadian Parliment member (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J._Ralph_Kirk).

Spock: (ahem) Between Nomad's launch and our encounter, it collided with an alien probe programmed to sterilize soil samples. Though I have no idea how that explains its ridiculously god-like powers.
Kirk: Perhaps the data was referring to the advanced soil-sample peoples of--

Is that last line a reference to something?

Memory Alpha

* Comparisons between this and STTMP abound. Some add the subtitle "Where Nomad Has Gone Before" to the movie.
* Then again, this episode stole from an episode of The Outer Limits first. Everyone join the plagiarism conga line!
* Somehow the equivalent of 90 photon torpedoes only dropped shield strength by 20%. This is an obvious mistake on the scriptwriters part, I'd think the equivalent of ten would do the job just as well.
* One of four "Kirk talks a computer to death" episodes.
* Nichols argued that Uhura would remember Swahili first, not English. Why would this matter? Her mind is supposedly completely blank, she would have no memory or preference for any language! Besides, these guys are speaking Federation Standard and not English, right?

YouTube

Note: Google-fu is hard to use with this episode as "changeling" generates a lot more DS9 links than anything related to this episode.
* Kirk talks Nomad to death. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mw3zzMWOIvk)
* Fans have built a functioning Nomad prop (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvxdWi7NDX0).

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil wonders why the crew can't lure Nomad back to the transporter and beam him out only as energy.
* How would a soil-sterilizing probe have planet-destroying capability anyway?

[Nate the Great]

October 6th, 1967, "Mirror, Mirror"

First let me say how gratifying it is that this episode has led to who knows how many parodies and riffs in all kinds of shows over the year, and "the evil alternate with a goatee" has entered pop culture.

Second, no mentions of Enterprise or Sato clones, please.

The Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=mirrormirror) (by IJD GAF)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/39.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://www.fiveminute.net/forums/Memory Alpha)

The Episode

Captain's log, stardate unknown. During an ion storm, my landing party has beamed back to the Enterprise and found it and the personnel aboard changed. The ship is subtly altered physically. Behaviour and discipline has become brutal, savage.

I hope this log was recorded on something heavily classified. Furthermore, the Captain's Log is supposed to be accessible to all Starfleet officers, right? Shouldn't Kirk at least use an encrypted personal log? Unless you're a fan of the postwritten log theory.

KIRK: Get to your post. Run today's communication from Starfleet Command. I want to know my exact orders and options, if any.

Today's communication? I never got the idea that Starfleet Command sent daily communiques to their ships, talk about micromanagement!

SCOTT: The two-way matter transmission affected the local field density between the universes, and it's increasing. We've got to move fast.

Yesterday Scotty didn't know that this parallel universe even existed, and now he completely understands the "local field density" between them?

SPOCK: May I point out that I had an opportunity to observe your counterparts here quite closely. They were brutal, savage, unprincipled, uncivilised, treacherous, In every way, splendid examples of homo sapiens, the very flower of humanity. I found them quite refreshing.
KIRK: I'm not sure, but I think we've been insulted.
MCCOY: I'm sure.

So am I, Bones. So am I.

The Fiver

Kirk: Scotty, just get to engineering and short out the phaser circuits. Uhura, go flirt with Sulu or something. And McCoy... I dunno, just stand there and look boring.
McCoy: I'm a doctor, not a doorstop!

Classic gag from First Contact. The thing is, I'm not in the camp that puts that movie near the top of the list. Too much violence, and Picard in Ahab mode is simply annoying.

Mirror Marlena: It's Jim Kirk, my love and my master.
Kirk: This has got to be a speed record for me.
Mirror Marlena: You almost got killed and you're disobeying orders. (smacks Kirk in the head) Stupid!
Kirk: My second speed record this scene.

Reminds me of a SF Debris gag where Kirk is slapped and declares an increased arousal level every time in confusion.

Memory Alpha

* The scriptwriter based the idea on a short story he wrote over ten years earlier.
* A similar idea was part of Roddenberry's original series proposal.
* This episode marks the first time a Trek actor (Takei) has worn all three division colors, although this includes alternate versions.

Memory Beta

* Mirror Kirk recurred in the Shatnerverse novels. It's revealed that he got the Tantalus Field from Mirror Balok.
* Mirror Spock apparently used the Tantalus Field to gain power. That doesn't seem to fit his personality, does it?

Nitpicker's Guide

* Wouldn't a starship built by the warlike Terran Empire be better armed, with a different design?

YouTube

Star Trek Continues revisits the Mirror Universe (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJf2ovQtI6w)
Kirk convinces Mirror Spock to overthrow the Empire (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_YGjK5K_Zw)
The ending, including Spock zinging humanity and the Marlena cameo that was reused in Trials and Tribbleations (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbOxIyPWAOM)
Uhura tricks Mirror Sulu (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9CJdFppsHeo)
The TNG intro as if it was set in the Mirror Universe (many shots from the alternate timeline of "Yesterday's Enterprise" were used) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fFoWjAbn58)

[Nate the Great]

As a supplement to "Mirror, Mirror" this post is about goatees on evil twins!

Wikipedia discusses the subject (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evil_twin#The_goatee), while pointing out that the prime example of Mirror Mirror isn't really "evil". Furthermore, Chris Seibold (a movie reviewer featured on Rotten Tomatoes) has this to say:

You can't go to the evil twin school of plotting very often if you're hack writing your way through Hollywood, but once you do it's thankfully easy. You slap a goatee on somebody (evil Spock, Evil David Hasselhoff (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garthe_Knight)) and voila: evil twin goodness. The rest of the story, I am told, writes itself.

Gizmodo discusses the phenomenon (https://io9.gizmodo.com/more-rumors-about-the-planets-well-see-in-the-han-solo-1819196327):

You can't be a decent evil twin without bushy, severely slanted eyebrows, and a nice pointy goatee. But why do we read these features as so very diabolical? A study explains that it all has to do with the geometry of evil.


Dr Derrick Watson and Dr Elisabeth Blagrove of the Unversity of Warwick have apparently grown up watching the same cartoons that I have. Anyone worth their salt knows that the evil twin has a pointy beard — or, at the very least, dark eyebrows that were slanted in a way that made them look angry. Usually the twin does things like rubbing their hands together and cackling evilly, to remove all doubt, but that's just for the people who can't pick up on visual cues. Why are the goatee and the severe eyebrows such a universal code for evil?

The researchers think that those features give a face a shape more like a downward pointing triangle. People seem to find the shape itself threatening.
"Evil Twin Goatee (https://items.jellyneo.net/item/26166/)" is a buyable item in Neopets.

[Nate the Great]

October 13th, 1967, "The Apple"

The Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=theapple) (by Kristina)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/38.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Apple_(episode))

The Episode

MCCOY: It's a shame to have to intrude.
KIRK: Well, the last scout ship reported some pretty strange sensor readings. Starfleet wants it investigated and the inhabitants contacted. We do what we're told.

Why is our crew here? I thought the Prime Directive was very clear about this stuff. I'll buy that holographic duckblinds haven't been invented, but shouldn't there at least be a trained team of specialists coming along? Maybe paint a shuttlecraft to look like clouds and just fly around conducting scans (I know, I know, special effects budgets...)?

SCOTT: We're losing potency in our antimatter pods. I don't think it's serious, but we're looking into it.

I don't think antimatter loses "potency". It almost sounds like the containment fields are losing strength, but that is certainly "serious"!

SCOTT [OC]: I'm not sure, sir, but we've run measurements on the electromagnetic field of the planet, and they are a wee bit abnormal. That might have something to do with it.

SCOTT: We can't make transporter contact, sir. The entire system's inhibited. The way it is now, we couldn't beam up a fly.

Okay, the EM field of the planet is blocking the transporter, fair enough. So why do the antimatter pods have to be any part of this?

KIRK: Scotty, you're my Chief Engineer. You know everything about that ship there is to know. More than the men who designed it.

I'm reminded of when a hologram of Leah Brahms knew more about the E-D than Geordi. That was stupid, wasn't it?

KIRK: Discard the warp drive nacelles if you have to, and crack out of there with the main section, but get that ship out of there!

So saucer separation was possible with the Constitution-class, but I assume that in this case it was something you could only do once. We'll be coming back to this.

MCCOY: I just ran a thorough check on the natives, and there's a complete lack of harmful bacteria in their systems, no decalcification, no degeneration of tissue, no arteriosclerosis. In simple terms, Jim, they're not growing old, and I can't begin to tell you how old they are, twenty years or twenty thousand years.
KIRK: I see. Opinion.
SPOCK: Quite possible. It checks with my atmospheric analysis. Their atmosphere completely negates any harmful effects from their sun.
KIRK: Add to that a simple diet, a perfectly controlled temperature, no natural enemies, apparently no vices, no replacements needed.

I still think that it's impossible to completely negate aging, in opposition to CGP Grey. And along those lines, how can you completely prevent criminal behavior or insanity? Does Vaal detect the seeds of imperfection and immediately kill those who could escape his control? Wouldn't you need a "replacement" in that case?

MARTHA: You know, if it weren't for Vaal this place would be a paradise.

Wait for the Nitpicker's Guide entry on this line later.

SPOCK: If we do what it seems we must, in my opinion it will be in direct violation of the non-interference directive.
KIRK: These are people, not robots. They should have the opportunity of choice. We owe it to them to interfere.

Again, why are our heroes here in the first place?

KIRK: You'll learn to care for yourselves, with our help.

Yikes. Haven't you poked enough holes in the Prime Directive already today? Even if this culture wasn't evolving, even if you presume that Vaal was an external influence that needs removal according to the PD, now there's no influence except for you, Kirk! Get out of here!

The Fiver

Spock: Underground vibrations in all directions.
McCoy: Jim, I told you to be more careful when you walk.

Ah, Shatner's weight jokes. Why do those seem a little more tasteless than toupee jokes?

Akuta: Behold Vaal.
Spock: Tricorder scans indicate that Vaal is a machine made from a compound consisting of glue and paper.
McCoy: Papier maché?
Kirk: Nice name for a girl -- let's go meet her. I haven't had a chance this week.

Okay, Vaal was probably made of fiberglass, but how do you get from fiberglass to papier mache?

Memory Alpha

* FOUR redshirt deaths. FOUR! What were four redshirts doing on this mission anyway?
* First appearance of Koenig in his own hair and not the pseudo-Beatles wig.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil points out that this is hardly paradise, because even without Vaal there are poisonous dart plants and exploding rocks. Or are you going to tell me that Vaal made those to ensure that the villagers don't wander too far? You'd certainly need "replacements" if that happened!
* Spock is certainly tougher than a human. In one day he got hit by poison darts, hit by lightning, and ran into a forcefield without injury or complaint.

[Nate the Great]

October 20th, 1967, "The Doomsday Machine"

Ah, one of the classics. I'll plug SF Debris again.

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=thedoomsdaymachine) (by IJD GAF)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Doomsday_Machine_(episode))
Transcript
(http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/35.htm)
The episode:

Prelude: Why is Decker a Commodore? I thought that a Commodore commanded more than just one ship. He certainly seems like a peer of Kirk and not one of the previous generation like Pike. If they wanted him to be able to pull rank on Kirk later it would be easy enough to just declare him to have seniority (i.e. was declared captain before Kirk).

KIRK: Did you run a scanner check on it? What kind of a beam?
DECKER: Pure antiproton. Absolutely pure.

I hope he's using "pure" to mean "no other forms of antiparticle" rather than "there's a smattering of matter in there too".

DECKER: Oh, no, I stay here. I'm not leaving my ship!

I never did understand "the captain goes down with his ship." I understand "the captain is the last to leave", which would fit this situation.

SPOCK: We are more manoeuvrable, but it is gaining on us. Sensors indicate some kind of total conversion drive.

Memory Alpha implies that this is a sort of matter-to-energy reaction that doesn't need antimatter. I fail to see what the power source has to do with the mechanics of the engine itself; it's an apples-to-oranges comparison.

SPOCK: Random chance seems to have operated in our favour.
MCCOY: In plain, non-Vulcan English, we've been lucky.
SPOCK: I believe I said that, Doctor.

You gotta love that Vulcan habit of using ten words when three will do.

KIRK: Am I correct in assuming that a fusion explosion of ninety seven megatons will result if a starship impulse engine is overloaded?

The Tsar Bomba (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tsar_Bomba) was 50 megatons, oops. Probably should've tossed an "iso" in there so we couldn't Do The Math.

SPOCK: Appropriate, Captain. However, I can't help wondering if there are any more of those weapons wandering around the universe.

Wait until later, we'll be returning to this.

Fiver

Doomsday Machine: Kerplowie!
Enterprise: Ouch!

Is that a League of Legends reference? (I had to look that up, FYI) Because usually the word is spelled Kerplooey.

Spock: (singing) From far beyond the galaxies I've journeyed to this place, to study the behavior patterns of the human race. And I find them highly--

So apparently Nimoy recorded a novelty album in the 1967 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6C70QRbawN8). I'll stick to The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGF5ROpjRAU), if it's all the same to you.

Decker: Sulu, maintain course!
Sulu: I wouldn't be surprised if history remembers this as the "Decker Maneuver."

Odd place for an Insurrection reference.

Kirk: Scotty, I need phasers now!
Scotty: Okay.
Kirk: What? No "I need more power!"?
Scotty: Nope.
Kirk: No "I cannot break the laws of physics!"?
Scotty: Nope. Hey, I said we had phasers and we do. So use 'em already.
Kirk: (sigh) No respect for drama....

Ah, the lost of art of defying expectations. I'd have thrown in one last "no respect at all" just for some random Dangerfield.

Decker: (over the comm) "And he piled upon the whale's white hump, the sum of all the rage and hate felt by his whole race. If his chest had been a cannon, he would have shot his heart upon it."
Kirk: Herman Melville....
Decker: No, Patrick Stewart. Anyway, goodbye cruel world....
Shuttle: Ka-BOOM!

If you ask me, the only time Trek came close to matching this level of sheer Ahab-ness was Khan in the second movie.

Memory Alpha

* The first appearance of the new Main Engineering set. I don't recall the set changing all that much.
* Filmed in five days instead of six. While this episode may not qualify as a "bottle show", per se, it sure came close. Proof that you don't need tons of guest stars and special effects to make drama. *cough insert modern scifi show of your choice here cough*
* First appearance of Kirk's green wraparound tunic. Man, do I hate that thing.
* The Constellation was played by one of the early Enterprise plastic models (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/AMT). I assume that they used the 1966 version, I think that the one that I owned once upon a time was the 1989 version. Oh yes, once upon a time I had quite the collection of Star Trek model kits. You can ask about it if you're really interested, but that's not what this thread was for.
* This was Doohan's favorite episode. One reason he cites is the relative lack of technobabble, using more real science terms.
* Memory Alpha uses the term "planet killer" for the doomsday machine. More descriptive, less fun. Early reference works use "berserker", which I feel isn't very descriptive or indicative.

Memory Beta

* They use "doomsday machine", which I think is cooler even if it's not as precise. I'm not sure if I like the idea that the Preservers made it, I'd almost rather have it be an enemy of the T'Kon or something.

YouTube

* Decker's sacrifice. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHZ8RYT8bgM)
* Kirk's last-second escape (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hqNwj8HSVKc).
* A fan makes his own model of the damaged Constellation (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoSCUQThun0).
* A recreation of the episode with puppets and the original audio (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmaHiCzz41o).

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil criticizes how easily it was for Decker to steal a shuttlecraft. I must agree.

[Nate the Great]

I forgot to return to the "are there other doomsday machines" question. Several novels and comics introduced others, both more and less advanced than the one in this episode. Usually they were used against Borg due to the durability of their neutronium shells and the inability for anything to resist a pure antiproton beam.

[Flying Gremlin]

I forgot to return to the "are there other doomsday machines" question. Several novels and comics returned introduced others, both more and less advanced than the one in this episode. Usually they were used against Borg due to the durability of their neutronium shells and the inability for anything to resist a pure antiproton beam.

Not to mention Star Trek Online seems to be lousy with them...

[Nate the Great]

October 27th, 1967, "Catspaw"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=catspaw) (by Derek)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/30.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Catspaw_(episode))

The Episode

Captain's Log, stardate 3018.2. Crewman Jackson is dead and there are no apparent physical causes. Mister Scott and Mister Sulu are still out of touch on the planet below. Leaving Assistant Chief Engineer DeSalle in command of the Enterprise, I'm beaming down to the planet's surface to find my two missing crewmen and discover what killed Jackson.

Even though Uhura and Chekov are still on board, it's nice to know that there are still people on the ship who outrank them, and that the first seven people in the chain of command aren't always the main characters. "Disaster" comes to mind immediately.

KIRK: Spock. Comment?
SPOCK: Very bad poetry, Captain.

Sometimes you need an utterly deadpan comment, don't you?

KIRK: If we weren't missing two officers and a third one dead I'd say someone was playing an elaborate trick or treat on us.
SPOCK: Trick or treat, Captain?

Just like Data, it'd be interesting to make a list of what these eggheads know that most other people don't and a list of what they don't know that most other people do. You'd think Amanda would have taught him the Halloween traditions if only for educational purposes.

MCCOY: Could this be an Earth parallel development of some sort?

I think this might be the first time the crew jumped to "parallel development" rather than "Prime Directive violation/contamination." Still doesn't make sense, but at least they're making an effort.

KIRK: DeSalle, channel bypass power into your heat dissipation units.
DESALLE [OC]: We've already done it, Captain. It had no effect. We're cooking up here.

I suddenly wonder if Doctor Reyga's metaphasic shields would be useful in this situation. Also, "heat dissipation units"? Dissipate to where?

DESALLE: All right, but it's there and it's real. If it's real, it can be affected. Engineering, stand by to divert all power systems to the outer hull. Prepare impulse engines for generation of maximum heat directed as ordered. Maybe we can't break it, but I'll bet you credits to navy beans we can put a dent in it.

Okay, so by "heat dissipation units" he means converting the impulse engines from shooting out a hydrogen stream into shooting out infrared. It still doesn't mean you can "direct" it. The impulse engines shoot straight back; it's the thrusters that make the minor course corrections.

KIRK: They tried to tap our conscious mind.
SPOCK: And they missed. They reached basically only the subconscious. Korob seemed puzzled by your reaction to the environment he'd provided.
KIRK: He expected me to react as though it were all normal.

So it's yet another manufactured environment, no parallel development. And yet again we have a supposedly advanced alien with a huge blind spot; in this case tapping into the subconscious rather than the conscious. I do like how an attempt is made to make the supposedly godlike entity merely different. Not that it necessarily works, but they're making the attempt.

The Fiver

Kirk: I'm bored. Why haven't Scotty and Sulu contacted us? For that matter, why didn't I beam down to this strange new world?
Jackson: (over the comm) Excuse me, sir. Can I please beam up now?
Kirk: What? The redshirt survived and the bridge officers didn't? That's just not right.

Space is warped and time is bendable! Jackson just became his own grandpa! Egads!

Spock: So do you have any theories about our alien captors?
Kirk: I think the female one wants me.
Spock: I was expecting something more about how the aliens are using our subconscious to build this world and how they must be utterly alien from us, but I don't know why.

Spock, it's been over a year. You should have the pattern down by now. Hehe.

Korob: Quick! You've got to escape! Sylvia's gone power hungry. She really thinks she's the cat's meow.
Cat: Meow!
Korob: Aaaaah! It's Sylvia! Ruuuuuun!
Kirk: Geez, don't be such a scaredy cat.

Ack, the puns! The wit is scathing me!

Memory Alpha

* The only holiday-specific episode, but I'd counterargue that there are a few other horror-themed episodes that could easily be Halloween episodes.
* First episode filmed with Chekov, bad wig and all.
* The Enterprise-in-plastic prop was donated to the Smithsonian. I wonder if someone ever made replicas as paperweights or whatever.
* This episode features DeSalle in his third uniform color. Ugh.

YouTube

* "Very bad poetry" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WDiC_oFUIgs)

[Nate the Great]

The forum seems to have eaten my first draft, ugh. Here we go again...

November 3rd, 1967, "I, Mudd"

A fun episode, but the big glaring, unnecessary plot hole at the start is annoying. That is, how did Norman get on board? Are we to believe that this guy could manufacture a Federation citizenship record and a Starfleet service record good enough to fool Starfleet Command and Spock? Yeah, no.

The fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=imudd) (by Derek)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/41.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/I,_Mudd_(episode))

The Episode

MCCOY: Besides, he has avoided two appointments that I've made for his physical exam without reason.
SPOCK: That's not at all surprising, Doctor. He's probably terrified of your beads and rattles.

They're letting this guy on duty without the required exam? Seems simple enough to me: an officer has X days after arrival to complete the required exam, or he is disciplined.

NORMAN: I am in total control of your ship. I have connected the matter-antimatter pods to the main navigational bank. A trigger relay is now in operation. Any attempts to alter course will result in immediate destruction of this vessel.
KIRK: Spock?
SPOCK: Confirmed, Captain. He's taken out all the override controls. If we tamper without knowing where the trigger relay is, we could extinguish ourselves.

"Course" means the direction that the ship is going. It doesn't include the speed. Have Scotty throw a wrench into the works to shut down the warp core. I doubt that Norman could override that.

NORMAN: I control the trigger relay, sir. I cannot be overcome by physical means, and if you attempt to use your phasers, the trigger relay will be activated.

So increase gravity at his location to incapacitate him or beam him into space!

NORMAN: There is a word. Among us there is no corresponding meaning, but it seems to mean something to you humans.
KIRK: And what is that word?
NORMAN: Please.

Why would "please" work in this situation?

MUDD: Do know what the penalty for fraud is on Deneb Five?
SPOCK: The guilty party has his choice. Death by electrocution, death by gas, death by phaser, death by hanging.
MUDD: The key word in your entire peroration, Mister Spock, was, death. Barbarians. Well, of course, I left.
KIRK: He broke jail.
MUDD: I borrowed transportation.
KIRK: He stole a spaceship.
MUDD: The patrol reacted in a hostile manner.
KIRK: They fired at him.
MUDD: They've no respect for private property. They damaged the bloody spaceship.

I love this exchange.

MUDD: Oh, no, no, no. Merely deserted. You see, gentlemen, behind every great man there is a woman urging him on. And so it was with my Stella. She urged me on into outer space. Not that she meant to, but with her continual, eternal, confounded nagging. Well, I think of her constantly, and every time I do, I go further out into space.

Divorce doesn't exist? Restraining orders don't exist?

NORMAN: Our home planet's sun became a nova. Only a few exploratory outposts survived. This unit, myself, was part of one such outpost in your galaxy.

If he didn't imply being from another galaxy I'd almost think this was the Tkon. But of course they haven't been created yet.

MUDD: Didn't I tell you, Kirk? I beamed a few dozen androids up to your ship. They've been sending your crew to the surface for the past couple of hours.

It does make you wonder how many people are required to run the Enterprise. In Search For Spock the intention was just to be gone for a few days, and it didn't matter how much damage was done. You'd assume the androids would want to do all of the necessary maintenance. Then again, you'd assume that they can work the majority of the time, no need for three shifts.

CHEKOV: What a shame you're not real.
ALICE 322: We are real, my lord.
CHEKOV: Oh, I mean real girls.
ALICE 118: We are programmed to function as human females, lord.
CHEKOV: You are?
ALICES: Yes, my lord.
CHEKOV: Harry Mudd programmed you?
ALICES: Yes, my lord.
CHEKOV: That unprincipled, evil-minded, lecherous kulak Harry Mudd programmed you?
ALICES: Yes, my lord.
CHEKOV: This place is even better than Leningrad.

First, obligatory Leningrad/St. Petersburg "Istanbul Not Constantinople (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rHRd6Cl-tQ)" joke. Second, nice job of getting past the censors.

ALICE 471: The Enterprise is not a want or a desire. It is a mechanical device.
KIRK: No, it's a beautiful lady, and we love her.

What kind of love are we talking about, Captain?

SPOCK: Whatever method we use to stop them, we must make haste. They have only to install some cybernetic devices aboard the Enterprise and they'll be able to leave orbit.

So...we're talking M-5 again? I hope it goes better this time.

MUDD: Captain, the kind of a wholesome, antiseptic galaxy that these androids would run would be purgatory for a man like me.

So say we all, Harry. So say we all.

SPOCK: Logic is a little tweeting bird chirping in a meadow. Logic is a wreath of pretty flowers which smell bad. Are you sure your circuits are registering correctly? Your ears are green.

It's always fun when Spock gets to cut loose, and even better when it's not time travel antics or spores causing it.

KIRK: He lied. Everything Harry tells you is a lie. Remember that. Everything Harry tells you is a lie.
MUDD: Listen to this carefully, Norman. I am lying.
NORMAN: You say you are lying, but if everything you say is a lie then you are telling the truth, but you cannot tell the truth because everything you say is a lie. You lie. You tell the truth. But you cannot for. Illogical! Illogical! Please explain.
(Smoke comes out of Norman's head.)

The Liar's Paradox (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liar_paradox) is always a classic.

The Fiver

Plenty of Data and Lore jokes that I'll skip, but they're still good.

Android: Please wait while the android shuts d-- GAK!
Kirk: Oh great, the blueshirt bluescreened. Reboot him, Spock.
Spock: Gladly. (Kick!)
Android: The android has detected an improper shutdown. Please wait while the android runs Scandisk. 1%... 2%... Whoops! Found an error. Restarting. 1%....
(4 days later)
Android: 28%... 29%... Whoops! Found an error. Restarting. 1%....
Kirk: Oh for Pete's sake, just exit out of Scandisk!

Ah, how I don't miss the days of Windows 95 when things stop working. At least today you can look up error codes online.

Kirk: So where are your creators, android?
Android: I hate to tell you this, but they died... a long time ago.
Kirk: You're not a Pralor robot, are you?

Ah, "Prototype". One of the better early Voyager episodes, even if (insert sarcastic comment here).

Kirk: Hello, Alices. Watch this!
McCoy: I'm tweedle-dee, he's tweedle-dum.
Scotty: Allamaraine!
Alices: General Protection Fault! GAK!

Ah, "Move Along Home." One of the worse early Deep Space Nine episodes, even if (insert gushing comment here).

Stellas: Harcourt Fenton Mudd, why haven't you taken out the trash? Why do you always work late hours? Why haven't you taken me out anywhere?
Mudd: Stell-lahhhhh!

I'm surprised the Streetcar Named Desire (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEOHFbhWiG0) joke didn't come earlier.

McCoy: Well, I think I don't ever want to see another android; not even if I'm touring this ship's fourth successor on her maiden voyage.
Spock: Agreed. This had better be the last time I see an android anywhere.
Kirk: Even on Romulus?

Okay, "Encounter at Farpoint" and "Unification" jokes are great. Too bad you're going to see more androids in "Return to Tomorrow" and STTMP, amongst other places.

Memory Alpha

* Longest teaser in TOS.
* George Takei's last appeance before he leaves for nine episodes to film The Green Berets.
* Once again Kirk talks a computer to death. Although by now he's had plenty of practice, hasn't he?
* Elements of this plot were featured in the "Star Trek Is..." essay.

YouTube

* Mudd the First, and introducing him to Chekov. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lTimw6IYM_o)
* Illogical behavior, including an imaginary bomb. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbHtzqCge_8&t=211s)
* Stella Mudd clips, including "Five...HUNDRED!?!?" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ag1EbxYKh_4)

[Nate the Great]

November 10th, 1967, "Metamorphosis"

I may have noted elsewhere that I'm not particularly fond of the First Contact movie, so I won't be riffing on the differences between this version of Cochrane and that one.

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=metamorphosis)(by Tarn-Vedra)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/31.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Metamorphosis_(episode))

The Episode

SPOCK: Helm does not answer, Captain.
KIRK: Neither do the pods.

*cough cough* Nacelles *cough cough*. Unless you're going to tell me that Kirk is trying to eject antimatter pods and can't.

SPOCK: Gravity is similar to Earth. Most unusual in view of its size. The bulk of the body seems to be iron and nickel. More than an asteroid. Like a small planetoid, I should say. Possibly a remnant of a planet breakup. Totally suitable for human life.

Is this the first time our crew has encountered Class-M conditions on a body other than a conventional planet? A planetoid AKA minor planet AKA dwarf planet seems like it wouldn't have enough mass to have standard gravity or enough atmosphere to have surface water or sufficient temperature to have Class-M conditions. The weird thing is; planetoid status isn't required for the purposes of this episode. Looks like someone either didn't do their homework or someone forgot to throw in a line where Spock declares that an unknown energy field (i.e. The Companion) is maintaining Class-M conditions where it shouldn't be possible.

COCHRANE: You speak English. Earth people?

I was about to type an essay about how our people aren't really speaking English, they're speaking Federation Standard which is being translated for our benefit, but my research indicates that "Federation Standard" as a concept doesn't exist in any episode, only expanded universe materials. In canon it's always been English (and this paragraph really should've appeared back in "Space Seed"). Cue Azetbur's "Homo Sapiens Only Club" quote here. How did Earth convince everyone else to use English?

COCHRANE: I grow vegetables in the fields over that next ridge.

Take our word for it! It's a beautiful garden! I've got fountains and waterfalls and a golf course! It's a shame the budget would never let us show it!

COCHRANE: You mean my instruments? I imagine things have changed a lot since I crashed.
KIRK: Not that much.

Grrrr....okay, I won't make Enterprise jokes either! Give me credit for some restraint. Grrrr....

KIRK: Mister Cochrane, do you have a first name?
COCHRANE: Zefram.
KIRK: Zefram Cochrane of Alpha Centuri, the discoverer of the space warp?

First, even if "Cochrane" is a common enough name, aren't there statues of this guy around? Wouldn't his picture be part of everyone's education?

Second, are they implying that he was the first person anywhere to discover warp drive? I suppose that if we're only paying attention to TOS, it's possible, if tremendously unlikely (although the Romulans would be a big question mark if they didn't have warp). Although that would introduce various questions about the Klingons and the Orions, etc. that would be uncomfortable to answer. Then again, if Earth convinced everyone to adopt their language as the standard, I guess they could convince everyone to venerate the Earthman who discovered warp above his Andorian, Vulcan, etc. counterparts.

COCHRANE: The food, water, gardens, everything else I need the Companion gives me.

I don't think that his ship had replicators (or even food synthesizers), so can the Companion read the information in his ships' databanks to make all this stuff? Considering everything that the Companion can do, she's up there with the Organians and the Q, isn't she?

COCHRANE: What was it they used to call it? The Judas goat?

A Judas goat (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judas_goat) is an animal sent into a herd to gain its trust and then lead the animals to the slaughter. I wasn't familiar with the expression.

COCHRANE: What's the theory behind this device?
KIRK: There are certain universal ideas and concepts common to all intelligent life. This device instantaneously compares the frequency of brainwave patterns, selects those ideas and concepts it recognises, and then provides the necessary grammar.

Ha ha. A load of technobabble that sounds so impressive but only introduces further questions. The idea that universal translators form telepathic connections with their users is horrifying! Besides, wouldn't the standard flashlight-sized device be limited to spoken words only? Connect the tricorder to it to handle whatever energy patterns the Companion is generating, right?

SULU: Approximately thirty four percent of the bodies of atmospherian types H to M.

This implies that Classes H to M are the ones habitable to humans. Is the Companion preserving atmospheres on all of them, or do the writers really not know how planets and atmospheres work?

(Somewhere in the vicinity, Nancy is holding up her scarf to mimic how she saw Cochrane when she was a swirly thing.)

This is a nice touch, kudos to the guy who thought of it.

The Fiver

Kirk: So, we're going to try the intro for once? All right. Space... the final fronti--
Woman: Waaa WAAAAAAAAAA waaa waaa waaa waaaaaaa...
Kirk: Ahem. As I was saying, these are the voyages of the Starship Enterpri--
Woman: Waaa WAAAAAAAAAAA waaa waaa waaa waaaaaa...
Kirk: Who are you?
Woman: Waa?
Kirk: See? This is why we always skip these.

Let me just toss up a few acapella versions of the TOS theme from YouTube: One (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWNj43XGkvM), Two (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3iyPUFRm0g), Three (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccNteHtc0r4), Four (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7r8ueHtTsu8)

Kirk: Mr. Cochrane, I think you're going to have to ask the Companion for help for us.
Cochrane: All right... come 'ere, Companion! Come 'ere! That's a good girl!
McCoy: That's strange, I thought Cochrane was the pet here.
Kirk: Oh, Bones. Don't you know the man is always the dominant member of the relationship?
McCoy: Oh yeah. Man, I sure will miss the barely-concealed sexism of the sixties.

What's that Lassie? Cochrane fell down a well?

Kirk: There's pie filling in that nebula!

Nice Voyager joke, but the Companion isn't a nebula.

Spock: The universal translator is ready. I managed to program it to speak blob.
Kirk: Good. Listen, Companion, we want to leave paradise so we can die of old age.
Companion: Is that your final answer?
Kirk: Hmm... can we use a lifeline?
Companion: I'm sorry, time's up, but here's a consolation prize -- eternity on a planet of only men.
Kirk: COMPANIONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!



A Who Wants to Be A Millionaire joke, hmm. Fivers really are time capsules of pop culture as of when they're written, aren't they?


Commissioner Hedford (Companion): Hello, Zefram. Wink wink, nudge nudge.


Is that a Monty Python reference (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGrvQ1c5khU)?



Memory Alpha

* The first of five episodes where Kirk is never on board the Enterprise.


YouTube

* Our heroes land and meet Cochrane. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-oRXA4Fpqw)

* Kirk teaches the Companion about love (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B77HcISuuE4).

[Nate the Great]

Now we get to have some fun...

Magnificent performances from the guest stars. It's a shame the budget rarely allows for so many aliens.

November 17th, 1967, "Journey to Babel"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=journeytobabel) (by IJD GAF)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/44.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Journey_to_Babel_(episode))

The Episode

KIRK: As you wish, Ambassador. Mister Spock, we'll leave orbit in two hours. Would you care to beam down and visit your parents?
SPOCK: Captain, Ambassador Sarek and his wife are my parents.

Okay, Kirk can't be expected to know the names of all family members of his entire crew, but the senior staff? Yes. His best friend? Double yes.

Captain's log, Stardate 3842.3. We have departed Vulcan for the neutral planetoid code-named Babel.

Why would a neutral planetoid need a code name? Would that really stop the Klingons or Romulans from finding out where it is?

AMANDA: It hasn't been easy on Spock. Neither human nor Vulcan. At home nowhere except Starfleet.

I appreciate the sentiment, and the idea that in general human civilians aren't used to spending large amounts of time with aliens yet. But as has been discussed elsewhere (Pike and Worf spring to mind), there are other options. Surely there's some Federation research facility with a higher alien-to-human ratio that Spock could be useful and fairly comfortable in.

Captain's log, Stardate 3842.4. The interplanetary conference will consider the petition of the Coridan planets to be admitted to the Federation. The Coridan system has been claimed by some of the races now aboard our ship as delegates, races who have strong personal reasons for keeping Coridan out of the Federation. The most pressing problem aboard the Enterprise is to make sure open warfare doesn't break out among the delegates before the conference begins.

Okay, I'm confused. I thought all of the races on board were Federation members. Or are you going to tell me that if Andor (let's say) prevents Coridan from joining the Federation they could then annex it as a part of the Andorian government? If a mystical island full of oil were to suddenly rise off the coast of Alaska would Alaska prevent the land from becoming federal land, instead fighting to make sure it was considered Alaskan land first?

You'd think Kirk could mention a few races, including the Orions, that aren't Federation members but also have an interest in Koridan. It would add a layer of intrigue to have the ship be sabotaged by the false Orion/Andorian while the real Orion has no contact with him and airtight alibis, right?

KIRK; Maintain translator broadcast. Check records for authorised ships.
SPOCK: Starfleet records no authorised vessel in this quadrant except ours.

That's a problem with the vague use of "quadrant." Wouldn't there be cargo ships going through all the time along the main trade routes?

SAREK: You embarrassed Spock this evening. Not even a mother may do that. He is a Vulcan.
AMANDA: He's also human.
SAREK: He's a Starfleet officer.
AMANDA: I thought you didn't approve of Starfleet.
SAREK: It is not a question of approval. The fact exists. He is in Starfleet. He must command respect if he is to function.
AMANDA: Sarek, you're proud of him, aren't you? You're showing almost human pride in your son.
SAREK: It does not require pride to ask that Spock be given the respect which is his due. Not as my son, but as Spock. Do you understand?
AMANDA: Not really, but it doesn't matter. I love you anyway. I know. It isn't logical.

Great scene. No wonder these two are fan favorites.

MCCOY: Plus the fact I've never operated on a Vulcan before. Oh, I've studied the anatomical types. I know where all the organs are. But that's a lot different from actual surgical experience.

Really? You've served with Spock for over a year and never had to perform surgery on him? You never spent a semester of your medical school on Vulcan to study their methods?

SPOCK: My first responsibility is to the ship. Our passengers' safety is by Starfleet order of first importance. We are being followed by an alien, possibly hostile, vessel. I cannot relinquish command under these circumstances.

You have to hate how cold-bloodedly logical Vulcans can be sometimes.

SPOCK: It means to adopt a philosophy, a way of life, which is logical and beneficial. We cannot disregard that philosophy merely for personal gain, no matter how important that gain might be.
AMANDA: Nothing is as important as your father's life.
SPOCK: Can you imagine what my father would say if I were to agree, if I were to give up command of this vessel, jeopardise hundreds of lives, risk interplanetary war, all for the life of one person?

The needs of the many and all that. Cold-bloodedly logical. Brrr....

SAREK: Mutual suspicion and interplanetary war.
KIRK: Yes, of course. With Orion carefully neutral, they'd clean up supplying dilithium to both sides and continue to raid Coridan.

War between who? Federation members? Stupid Star Wars prequel flashbacks...

AMANDA: Logic, logic! I'm sick to death of logic. Do you want to know how I feel about your logic?
SPOCK: Emotional, isn't she?
SAREK: She has always been that way.
SPOCK: Indeed? Why did you marry her?
SAREK: At the time, it seemed the logical thing to do.

And they say Vulcans have no sense of humor...

The Fiver

Kirk: This here is the computer. Hey, Spock, show them how to play Galaga on it.
Sarek: I own Spock at Galaga, so if you'll excuse me I'll go grumble in a corner at my son's suckiness.
Spock: If you'll excuse me, I'll go hone my Galaga skills.
Kirk: Sheesh, talk about dysfunction.
Amanda: You should hear the logic debates concerning the proper orientation of toilet paper.

As TVTropes would say, Hilarious In Hindsight (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HilariousInHindsight) considering the Galaga scene in Avengers. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4Fy6AUMv8E)

As for toilet paper orientation (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilet_paper_orientation), did you know that when Ann Landers asked this question it generated at least 15,000 letters?

Uhura: Somebody on the ship's talking to the other ship.
Kirk: Gee, you'd think he could at least find somebody on the other ship to talk to.

Clever.

Spock: I think his mind's been conditioned by you guys to annoy us.
Shras: We have no problem with you humans. Stop watching "The Andorian Incident" and getting ideas.

If you're going to reference Enterprise you could've at least have had him call Kirk "pinkskin", you know.

Redshirt: (over the comm) The Andorian's not an Andorian.
Kirk: It's a faaaaaaaaaaake!

That "In The Pale Moonlight" joke never gets old. Here's a YTMND (http://ds9itsafake.ytmnd.com/). And a SomethingAwful while I'm at it. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXWQIiFxjbc)

Kirk: Can I go now?
McCoy: No. I want the last word this time.
Kirk: You can't. It's a fiver. The last word is "end."
McCoy: Shut up, you.

I love metahumor. Huge shock, right?

Memory Alpha

* They were able have more aliens because the episode was in other respects a "bottle show."
* Much reusing of costumes from previous episodes. Some seem reasonable, others don't (we previously saw them on aliens from independent worlds otherwise cut off from the Federation, there's no reason other worlds would know about them).

YouTube

Sarek arrives, and awkward introductions all round. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eA12wOtr-0k)
Introduction of the plot, and a diplomatic reception. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWF9RkI14xM)
Amanda won't let Spock donate, and a fake Andorian attacks Kirk. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8Grvg7KNvw)
Sarek tells a joke, and McCoy gets the last word. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qN0oVavm2Eo)

[Nate the Great]

December 1st, 1967, "Friday's Child"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=fridayschild) (by Scooter)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/32.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Friday%27s_Child_(episode))

The Episode

Let's get this taken care of right off the bat: another prewarp culture that our crew is visiting because there's a material critical to ship's systems there. No mention of the Prime Directive, and the locals don't seem to have been affected all that much by the knowledge that aliens exist. Ugh.

That being said, if you ignore the PD this episode at least was entertaining and had good characterization for our regulars.

MAAB: Halt! You are of the Earth vessel?

Insert another reference to Azetbur's homo sapiens-only club quote, moving on...

GRANT: A Klingon!
KIRK: Grant, no!
(Too late. A Capellan kills him with a kligat.)

One, why didn't the redshirts get briefed on this culture? Two, last time I checked we aren't at war with the Klingon Empire, so why was Grant attacking without being ordered to by Kirk (this wasn't a self-defense situation)?

CHEKOV: It's just at the edge of our sensor range, sir. Hard to get an exact reading.
SULU: You think it's a Klingon ship?
SCOTT: Who else would be playing cat and mouse with a starship?

The Romulans, the Tholians, the Orions...

MCCOY: They're offering you a chance for combat. They consider it more pleasurable than love.

I didn't remember this line. Kind of icky if you ask me. I'm also reminded of O'Brien refuting "latinum lasts longer than lust" by saying that lust can be a lot more fun.

KRAS: A small scout ship, Captain. We need the mineral, too. I was sent to negotiate.

This is a nonaligned world, right? A prewarp nonaligned world, but let's pretend that the Prime Directive doesn't exist for a minute. Being nonaligned means that until the Capellans join one side or another (extremely unlikely since this culture seems to be clan-based with no central government) they can sell their tormaline to both sides if they want, right?

UHURA: I have the signal clear now, Mister Scott. It is a distress call. It's from the SS Dierdre.
SCOTT: Dierdre? That's a freighter.
UHURA: Reporting they're under attack. They're running, trying to manoeuvre. It's a Klingon vessel attacking.

It's a shame that saucer separation doesn't seem to be a routine procedure. It'd be nice to leave the saucer in orbit and take the stardrive to rescue the freighter, right?

SCOTT: We were forced to leave Capella to aid a Federation vessel under attack by a Klingon vessel. We were unable to contact our landing party before we were forced to answer the distress signal. Our inability to reach the landing party is strange and I am concerned.

So...beam down another set of security officers to assess the situation and help Kirk if necessary? And maybe send down a subspace transmitter with them? Or even send them down in a shuttlecraft, possibly commanded by Sulu? Give Kirk some backup and support?

SCOTT: A vessel doesn't just disappear.

Stupid line. At the very least Romulan cloaking devices have been seen by now.

ELEEN: McCoy. Bring our child.
KIRK: Our child?
MCCOY: I'll explain later.
SPOCK: That should prove very interesting.

Yeah, it will!

SCOTT: There's an old, old saying on Earth, Mister Sulu. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
CHEKOV: I know this saying. It was invented in Russia. (he smirks to himself)

Chekov's only been around half a season, and already even he knows that his Russian declarations are only a diversion.

SPOCK: Oochy-woochy coochy-coo, Captain?
KIRK: An obscure Earth dialect, Mister Spock. Oochy-woochy coochy-coo. If you're curious, consult linguistics.

Imagine that conversation with Uhura!

SPOCK: The child was named Leonard James Akaar?
MCCOY: Has a kind of a ring to it, don't you think, James?
KIRK: Yes. I think it's a name destined to go down in galactic history, Leonard. What do you think, Spock?
SPOCK: I think you're both going to be insufferably pleased with yourselves for at least a month, sir.

I betcha it was longer than that!

The Fiver

McCoy: Let me check you over. I mean, examine you.
Eleen: You I will let touch me, because you're ugly and asexual, like a postmenopausal woman.
McCoy: Thanks. Well, you seem all right. In fact, you have the reflexes of a catwoman.

I think you meant "check you out". Nice subtle Batman reference.

Spock: Our escape has bought us some time, but the Capellans will soon be after us. I suggest --
Kirk: Wait. Spock, were you here all this time?
Spock: Just because I haven't had a line in this fiver --!

Nice metajoke, but I probably would've tweaked the last line to "it's illogical to assume that I wasn't here just because this is my first line in the fiver."

Spock: So she named the child Leonard James Akeer? How revolting.
McCoy: Well, it would've been cruel to name him Spock Akeer.
Kirk: Sure, the other kids would have thought he had a stutter.
(Spock fumes at Kirk and McCoy's smugness at Ludicrous Speed)

Hehe.

YouTube

The ending (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QV_B461KDCk)

[Flying Gremlin]

SCOTT: A vessel doesn't just disappear.

Stupid line. At the very least Romulan cloaking devices have been seen by now.

I would say something about the Klingons not having cloaking devices during this part of the series, but of all things, DIS debunks that by having them have cloaking technology during the Fed/Klingon war in a decade ago. So yes, Scotty, what the Hell?

Of course, it all could be just a stupid slip-up, like believing that these classes of ship don't have cloaking technology because it hasn't been observed yet and the cloaking technology believed to be in possession by the Klingons is inferior to what it actually is, but hey, that's me trying to put logic to work.

[Nate the Great]

December 8th, 1967, "The Deadly Years"

I suppose we need a category by now of "episodes that ignore all scientific logic in the name of a character piece" designation, but I'm not going to create one. This episode is just bad...

The fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=thedeadlyyears)(by Derek)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Deadly_Years_(episode))
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/40.htm)

The Episode

SPOCK: The annual check of every scientific expedition is routine.
KIRK: I had a subspace contact with a Robert Johnson, the leader of this expedition, an hour ago.
MCCOY: Did he report anything wrong?
KIRK: No, yet there was something wrong. I can't pin it down. His conversation was disjointed, his thoughts a little foggy, unrelated.

Until that conversation this seemed to be the sort of thing any Starfleet ship could handle. Why is the Enterprise here? And the Enterprise was already on the way before anything seemed odd. Once again they seem to be implying that routine civilian traffic between colonies just does not happen. Ugh.

Captain's log, stardate 3478.2. On a routine mission to re-supply the experimental colony at Gamma Hydra Four, we discovered a most unusual phenomenon. Of the six members of the colony, none of whom were over thirty, we found four had died and two were dying of old age.

This might be a record, folks! The entire "colony" is six people! That ain't a colony, folks, that's a scientific or tactical outpost. You just can't leave six people by themselves for a year on a barren planet and expect them to still be sane when you get back to them!

STOCKER: Facilities at Starbase Ten are much more complete than those on board ship. It seems to me that your investigations would be facilitated if we proceeded there.

An odd statement. The Enterprise is the flagship, the best sensors and scientists are here, right? Whatever this phenomenon is that's aging people is also here. Unless the Enterprise discovers a water sample or something that would require long-term study, shouldn't it stay in the area?

MCCOY: (to Spock) You're perfectly healthy.
SPOCK: (sitting up) I must differ with you, Doctor. I'm having difficulty concentrating, which is most disturbing, my eye sight appears to be failing, and the normal temperature of the ship seems to me to be increasingly cold.
MCCOY: I did not say you weren't affected, Mister Spock. You are perfectly healthy, that is, for any normal Vulcan on the high side of a hundred.

Later examples of aged Vulcans would seem to dispute this, but I suppose they hadn't decided yet just how long Vulcans live yet.

WALLACE: A few years ago on Aldebaran Three, my husband and I tried various carbohydrate compounds to slow down the degeneration of plant life.

That's not how plants work. They don't "eat" carbohydrates, they turn their nutrients into carbohydrates. That's the point of plants. Furthermore, the number of plants that can productively be used by man without being killed first is rather limited, I question the ultimate goal of these experiments.

CHEKOV: Give us some more blood, Chekov. The needle won't hurt, Chekov. Take off your shirt, Chekov. Roll over, Chekov. Breathe deeply, Chekov. Blood sample, Chekov. Marrow sample, Chekov. Skin sample, Chekov. If I live long enough, I'm going to run out of samples.
SULU: You'll live.
CHEKOV: Oh, yes. I'll live, but I won't enjoy it.

Thank you Pavel, we needed some levity.

MCCOY: I'm not a magician, Spock, just an old country doctor.

Nice double punchline, Bones.

STOCKER: Mister Spock, a starship can function with a Chief Engineer, a Chief Medical Officer, even a First Officer under physical par. But it's disastrous to have a commanding officer whose condition is any less than perfection.

Oh boy...the debates we could have on this one. Sufficed to say, I'll take Kirk in the captain's seat with a barely stitched-up assassin's dagger wound in his back...

Captain America: I got that reference!

...than any ten of these starbase stuffed shirts. I wonder if anyone ever tallied up the number of times a pompous planet or station-based officer tried to take command of the ship (in any series) with disastrous results.

STOCKER: Well, since the senior officers are incapable and I am of flag rank, I am forced by regulations to assume command.
SPOCK: Sir, you have never commanded a starship.
STOCKER: What would you have, a junior officer with far less experience than I have?

How long has Stocker even served aboard a starship? Couldn't Sulu take command?

STOCKER: Keep trying to raise the Romulans.
UHURA: I'm trying, Commodore.
STOCKER: If I could talk to them, explain to them why we violated the Neutral Zone.
UHURA: The Romulans are notorious for not listening to explanations.
SULU: Lieutenant Uhura is right, sir. We've tangled with them before.

Since when did our crew have to be in the Neutral Zone to talk to a Romulan ship? Surely both sides would've designated a few places on each side of the zone that a ship can go to if they want to talk, places that the other side would routinely scan.

WALLACE: The ageing process has stopped. His bodily functions are getting stronger.

But has it reversed? You need to clarify.

The Fiver

Kirk: Hey! That's not right. When I beam down to a planet, I expect a parade, a banquet, a piñata shaped like an Andorian's head, and a love interest!

Why an Andorian's head, specifically? Wouldn't a Klingon's head be more appropriate?

Chekov: I will not be a Tasha Yar...I will not be a Tasha Yar...I will NOT be a Tasha Y--AAAAH!
Kirk: Alas, poor Chekov. We hardly knew him.
McCoy: Hey, he's still alive!
Kirk: That's strange. Let's check it out.

A bit too meta. Now if you'd referenced poor Kelso from "Where No Man Has Gone Before"...

McCoy: This guy died from an overdose of old-age makeup.

Now there's irony for ya!

Kirk: So if I don't get a love interest from the planet, where is she coming from?
Wallace: From the ship. I'm apparently a passenger of some sort for some reason.
Kirk: You're not played by Diana Muldaur!
Wallace: Should I have been?
Kirk: After watching "Unnatural Selection," it would have been strangely ironic.

The meta-level is rising, Cap'n! She's gonna blow!

Captain's Log: Spock, McCoy, Scotty, a no-name blueshirt and I are all getting older and older. We still have no idea why we look nothing like we do in the movies.

Because "subtlety" is rarely seen in Star Trek?

Spock: Sigh. And since the Captain, myself, and Mr. Scott are all affected, that leaves Commodore Stocker in charge, though I don't really know why.

Me neither, Sulu should take command!

Kirk: Here I come to save the day!
Romulans: Run away! Run away!

A Mighty Mouse joke next to a Monty Python joke. You don't see those every day...

Memory Alpha

* This episode states that Gamma Hydra is near the Romulan Neutral Zone. And yet the Kobayashi Maru scenario states that it is near the Klingon Neutral Zone.

[Nate the Great]

December 15, 1967, "Obsession"

Plenty of ridiculous technobabble, but this is supposed to be a character piece. And it does that very well, even if there are plenty of logical hiccups. Although I do hate how often Trek goes with the Ahab-like plot of wanting to destroy the enemy no matter the cost.

Part One, by the way.

Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/47.htm)
Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=obsession) (by Nic)
Memory Alpha
(http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Obsession_(episode))
The Episode

CHAPEL: Transfusion completed, sir. His pulse and respiration are still far below normal.
MCCOY: Give him one cc of cordazine, nurse.
CHAPEL: Yes, sir.

Memory Alpha lists several other appearances of cordrazine, almost always used as a stimulant. Given the hesitation shown in "The City on the Edge of Forever" and the almost routine nature of it now and in the future, I do wonder if McCoy dedicated himself to finding a safer version of the stuff after experiencing it in "City." Perhaps he managed to perfect a synthetic, purer version with fewer side effects.

SPOCK: I've scanned for that element, Captain. There's no trace of dikironium on the planet surface or in the atmosphere.
KIRK: Suppose it camouflaged itself. Let's assume that it's intelligent, that it knows we're looking for it.
SPOCK: To hide from a sensor scan, it would have to be able to change its molecular structure, like gold changing itself to lead or wood changing itself to ivory.

One, the way Kirk feeds his obsession by expanding parameters until he hears what he needs to hear is a good touch. Two, there are ways to hide from sensor scans without resorting to alchemy. I expect better from Spock.

KIRK: Are you the new security officer?
GARROVICK: Yes, sir.
KIRK: Was your father...
GARROVICK: Yes, sir, but I don't expect any special treatment on that account.
KIRK: You'll get none aboard this ship, Mister.

I jolly well hope nepotism is dead by the 23rd century. That was a bit of a leap on Garrovick's part, wasn't it? Kirk could've finished that line any number of ways. Was your father...the first man to traverse every corridor on a starship on roller skates? The one billionth customer served by Monolith Burger (props to whoever gets this reference without looking it up)? The designer of those atrocious white uniforms Starfleet says we're all going to have to start wearing in a few years? The guy who put the bomp in the bomp bomp ba bomp? Etc.

Captain's log, stardate 3619.6. One of the men in critical condition, the other is dead. And I, I am now even more convinced that this is not only an intelligent creature, but the same which decimated the crew of the USS Farragut eleven years ago in another part of the galaxy.

And yet again we act like the entire galaxy has at least been traversed if not completely charted. Cue "series bible" remarks here. One wonders how long it would've taken Voyager to get home at TOS speeds!

Surely Kirk could've said "X sectors from here" and given me less ammunition. "Sector" is an awfully broad term that can cover any number of nits.

MCCOY: Ensign, did you sense any intelligence in this gaseous cloud?
GARROVICK: Did I what, sir?
MCCOY: Did you get any subconscious impressions that this was a creature. A living, thinking thing, rather than just a strange cloud of chemical elements?
GARROVICK: No, sir.

You seem to be mixing up "intelligent" and "alive", Bones. And if you want to get particularly nitpicky, "gaseous cloud" is terribly redundant.

SCOTT: Captain, while we're waiting I've taken the liberty of cleaning the radioactive disposal vent on number two impulse engine, but we'll be ready to leave orbit in under half an hour.

What? Now? You reduced the ship to maneuvering thrusters only on your own initiative? Putting aside this cloud that may or may not be alive and/or malevolent, you've got vaccines to deliver!

SPOCK: I need your advice.
MCCOY: Then I need a drink.

Great couplet. It's a shame later series never had a comedy duo like McCoy and Spock.

KIRK [OC]: Personal log, stardate 3620.7. Have I the right to jeopardise my crew, my ship for a feeling I can't even put into words? No man achieves Starfleet command without relying on intuition, but have I made a rational decision? Am I letting the horrors of the past distort my judgment of the present?

One wonders about the Vulcan captain of the Intrepid. Jokes aside, this is another great example of how Kirk's a good character. He's not the sanitized, perfect, boring future human Gene was always banging on about.

MCCOY: Jim, When a young officer is exposed to unknown dangers for the first time, he's under tremendous emotional stress. Now we all know that.

And that's when potential officers are separated from future redshirts. Law of the space jungle and all that.

MCCOY: Am I? I was speaking of Lieutenant James T. Kirk of the starship Farragut. Eleven years ago, you were the young officer at the phaser station when something attacked. According to the tapes, this young Lieutenant Kirk insisted upon blaming himself.
KIRK: Because I delayed in firing at it.
MCCOY: You had a normal emotion. You were startled. You delayed firing for a grand total of perhaps two seconds.
KIRK: If I hadn't delayed, it would have been killed.

Yikes, if we all tortured ourselves for the rest of our lives over two second mistakes, nobody would ever get anything done! I don't understand how Kirk can lead wave after wave of redshirts to early graves without a twinge of guilt, yet still beat himself up over things like this.

KIRK: I can't help how I feel. There's an intelligence about it, Bones. A malevolence. It's evil. It must be destroyed.

So now we've jumped from "lifeform" to "sentient lifeform" to "evil sentient lifeform" without evidence. Not that it makes much difference in the long run (this thing doesn't seem to fit into the natural food chain or anything), but I thought I'd point it out.

[Nate the Great]

MCCOY: They need those vaccines on Theta Seven, Captain. Now why are we delaying here?
KIRK: Because I'm convinced that this is the same creature that attacked the Farragut eleven years ago.

Talk about a disjointed argument! "How can birds fly, Daddy?" "Because the Kool-Aid Man is red!" Kudos to whoever gets the reference without Googling it, by the way.

SPOCK: Conflicting data, Captain. It seems to be in a borderline state between matter and energy. Elements of both. It could possibly use gravitational fields for propulsion.

Stupid line. You mean that the creature is continually shifting between matter and energy, or you mean that the creature is made out of plasma. Make up your mind! As for using gravitational fields for propulsion...I guess you mean it can somehow "grab" onto each celestial body as it passes by, like a monkey swinging branch to branch.

CHEKOV: Open hatch on impulse engine number two. Mister Scott was doing an AID clean-up on it.
KIRK: We won't be using the impulse engines. Turn the alarm off.

Look, I get that this is one giant build-up to let the creature get on board. It's just as stupid here as when the miniaturized runabout did it in "One Little Ship". There shouldn't be any direct lines between inside and outside! And by the by, the impulse engines generate plasma exhaust, what do you need to "clean up"?

SPOCK: The deflectors will not stop it, Captain.
SCOTT: That's impossible.
SPOCK: I should have surmised this. For the creature to be able to use gravity as a propulsive force, it would have to have this capacity.

I'll be generous and say that this cloud can create a gravity field around itself to shield it from the effects of the deflectors, a proverbial oil bubble in water.

CHEKOV: Five seconds to contact. All hatches and vents secure. All lights on the board show green. Sir! The number two impulse vent! we have a red light!
KIRK: (over Chekov's speech) Lieutenant Uhura, all decks (rest of speech lost under Chekov's increasing volume)
SCOTT: Captain, something's entered through the number two impulse vent.
KIRK: Negative pressure in all ship's vents. Alert all decks.

As asinine as this vent thing is, you can't say that it wasn't properly foreshadowed. They really want us to know that this thing has a physical presence.

KIRK: Scotty, try flushing the radioactive waste into the ventilation system. See what effect that has.

Now the crew is radioactive! That can't be good!

PNQ: Why do I like including obscure references in my jokes so much?

SPOCK: Captain, the creature's ability to throw itself out of time sync makes it possible for it to be elsewhere in the instant the phaser hits.

Time sync? Where did that come from? Just say that the creature can create a hole in itself for the phaser beam to go through.

KIRK: Antimatter seems our only possibility.
SPOCK: An ounce should be sufficient. We can drain it from the ship's engines and transport it to the planet surface in a magnetic vacuum field.

I guess attaching a photon torpedo launcher to a shuttlecraft would take too long. It would certainly be safer!

SPOCK: Exactly. A matter-antimatter blast will rip away half the planet's atmosphere.

Since when? Or are you going to tell me that in the next hundred years torpedo technology will devolve just like warp capability? In the 24th century it takes dozens of torpedoes to render a planet uninhabitable!

GARROVICK: Just think, Captain, less than one ounce of antimatter here is more powerful than ten thousand cobalt bombs.
KIRK: Let's hope it's as powerful as man will ever get.

Sadly, no. Tricobalt, quantum, transphasic...as long as man has enemies, weapons technology will continue to evolve. And sadly, man will always find potential enemies just among themselves, we don't even need aliens as an excuse.

The Fiver

Kirk: Hmm... I'm not so sure. I smell honey....
Creature: Mmmm... I'm so happy. I smell erythrocytes....

Erythocytes are red blood cells. Personally I would've gone with a "fee-fi-fo-fum/blood of an Englishman" joke.

Kirk: Spock, I think I remember this creature from a mission 11 years ago. Quick, scan for a gaseous cloud.
Spock: A gaseous cloud? Should I also be scanning for a solid, or a liquid cloud?

Thank you, Spock. I've already covered this one.

McCoy: Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a vampire slayer!

Ah, the days when Buffy was topical...

Not that I ever watched the show, but popculture osmosis can do wonders...

Kirk: Mr. Garrovick, you're probably wondering why you have been invited to a meeting with the ship's Captain, First Officer and Doctor.
Garrovick: No, not really. It's because I hesitated to fire on the creature and as a result two people were killed.
McCoy: No, you're here because you're the only redshirt in history that has survived an away mission. And you have lines! We're going to study you!

Funny, but he's hardly the first. Maybe if you'd thrown in a "and you have a name that's not generic!"...

Kirk: Uhura, open hailing frequencies to the creature.
Uhura: Opened, sir.
Kirk: FROM HELL'S HEART, I STAB AT THEE!

Yeah yeah, great Ahab/Khan joke, but I doubt this cloud has a subspace communicator to "hear" them.

Kirk: This creature is capable of murdering hundreds of people, maybe even more. And desperate times call for desperate measures.
McCoy: What are you saying, Jim?
Kirk: We have no choice but to unleash Josh Hartnett's acting skills upon the creature. Get me 40 Days and 40 Nights.

Talk about a time capsule of a fiver, huh?

Chekov: Captain, the creature is leaving the planet at high warp!
Kirk: Set a pursuit course, and open hailing frequencies. (ahem) Listen to me. You're a cloud. Clouds are pretty. Pretty things do not kill people. Therefore, your entire existence is illogical. Come on now, self-destruct! Self-destruct!
Spock: Haven't I explained the difference between computers and clouds nineteen times already?

Why didn't you use forty-seven, Nic? Nice use of a running gag, though.

Garrovick: Oh my God, Mr. Spock! The creature is hovering above my replicator!
Creature: Computer, Bloody Mary. Shaken, not stirred.
Spock: Run, Ensign! I will sacrifice myself to expel the creature!
Creature: Mmm, lunchtime... YUCK!
Spock: Yuck? You drink me and you say yuck?

Wow, a James Bond joke and a TNG joke in one scene. Probably a few others, too. Very densely-packed humor.

Creature: Oh, look! A nice tank full of blood! (Gloop, gloop, gloop) AAAAAAH! Arsenic!
Kirk: There is an ancient Klingon saying: "Revenge is a steak best served bloody!"
Creature: ARRRRRGH! But know this, Kirk... I'll be back!
Kirk: And what, run for the Governor of California? Hasta la vista, baby!
(The Enterprise warps off at Bloody Ludicrous Speed)

Very densely-packed humor!

Memory Alpha

* Our old pal Leslie the recurring background red/yellow/blueshirt dies in this episode. He also has the distinction of being the first recurring character in Trek to return from death without explanation. I wonder if he's a set of triplets or something that are all serving on the same ship.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Much confusion surrounds Kirk's early career. To whit:
** He served with Garrovick on the Farragut from the day he left the Academy, eventually becoming a lieutenant.
** He served with Finney on the Republic at some point as an ensign.
** Among other inconsistencies. I personally wonder why it's so important that he served with Garrovick from the day he left the Academy. Just being a helmsman under Garrovick for five years should be enough, right?

[NAHTMMM]

The Enterprise is the flagship
Is it? I'm fuzzy, but I'm not sure if it's even established that the Constitution class is the most powerful Starfleet has.

KIRK [OC]: Personal log, stardate 3620.7. Have I the right to jeopardise my crew, my ship for a feeling I can't even put into words? No man achieves Starfleet command without relying on intuition, but have I made a rational decision? Am I letting the horrors of the past distort my judgment of the present?

One wonders about the Vulcan captain of the Intrepid. Jokes aside, this is another great example of how Kirk's a good character. He's not the sanitized, perfect, boring future human Gene was always banging on about.
Agreed.

[Nate the Great]

December 22nd, 1967, "Wolf in the Fold"

One wonders if this one should've been saved for Halloween. I'll have plenty to complain about in terms of technology and such, but at the very least, by itself without being influenced by other episodes, there's good character work here.

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=wolfinthefold) (by Derek)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/36.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Wolf_in_the_Fold_(episode))

The Episode

KIRK: We won't leave without you, Scotty. Relax and enjoy yourself. (Scott and Kara leave) My work is never done.
MCCOY: My work, Jim. This is prescription stuff. Don't forget, the explosion that threw Scotty against a bulkhead was caused by a woman.
KIRK: Physically he's all right. Am I right in assuming that?
MCCOY: Oh, yes, yes. As a matter of fact, considerable psychological damage could have been caused. For example, his total resentment toward women.
KIRK: He seems he's overcoming his resentment.

Always hated this premise, just like I hate all single-episode vice or flaw episodes. Why was this explosion "caused by a woman"? Was she incompetent (transfer her off the ship), malicious (court-martial her), or was this an accident (why are there consequences)? And what does being a woman have to do with any of these? Furthermore, what does any of this have to do with the plot of the rest of the episode? All that has to happen is Scotty picks up a girl in a bar and is alone with her at some point so she can be killed. That's it! Or are you going to tell me that in the future one night stands just don't happen? Highly illogical...

HENGIST: If this was my home planet, Rigel Four, I'd have a dozen investigators working on the matter, but they don't exist here.
MCCOY: You're not a native of Argelius, sir?
HENGIST: Oh, no. Argelius hires its administrative officers from other planets. The Argelians aren't very efficient, you know. Gentle, harmless people.

One: If this is a Federation world, why hasn't a proper security force been shipped in from elsewhere if nobody here wants the job? Two: What does any of this have to do with the plot? It's pointless exposition that's doing nothing but raising questions! All that's required is a minor tweak: this isn't a Federation world, but they want to join. Since this fiasco could have serious diplomatic ramifications, an investigator is shipped in from a neutral world to ensure an impartial investigation. Done!

KIRK: What's the law in these cases?
JARIS: The law of Argelius is love.

I hate planets that are focused so squarely on one character trait or emotion that they ignore all others. Entire treatises have been written about the violent crimes that have been incited in the name of "love", which really means "lust" or "pleasure" most of the time. Even Risa has a planetary security force!

HENGIST: Prefect, don't you think this should be handled in an official manner through my office?
JARIS: It shall be handled in an official manner, Mister Hengist, since I am the highest official.

Oh boy, the rant I could make about that statement. I shall refrain, but suffice to say there was a way to say that without sounding like a dictator.

KIRK: Depending on your wife's empathic abilities is all very well, Prefect, but there's only one way we can find out what it is Mister Scott cannot remember. Since you find it impossible to let us go back up to our ship, I can beam down a technician with a psycho-tricorder.
MCCOY: Prefect, it will give us a detailed account of everything that's happened to Mister Scott in the last twenty four hours.

Ah yes, the psycho-tricorder. It only appeared here, has horrifying implications, and creates plot holes from here to Argelius. I'll refrain from listing all of the episodes past and future that would've benefited from having one available, but it would be a lot of episodes!

KIRK: Argelian hospitality is well-known, as well as its strategic importance as a space port.
JARIS: Yes. I believe it's the only one in the quadrant.

The times we could have pointing out examples where "quadrant" is used where "sector" would be better. How many times has the Enterprise been "the only ship in the quadrant"?

MCCOY: Captain, under normal conditions, Scotty would have never done such a thing.
KIRK: But that blow on the head. It could put all his previous behaviour patterns into the junk heap.

One: Wouldn't "resentment toward women" and "willing to brutally murder defenseless people" be covered by completely different areas of the brain, how could one blow affect both? Two: If Scotty's brain hasn't fully recovered, why was he on a nonaligned world in the first place and why were Kirk and McCoy trying to set him up? Unsound medical ethics all round.

SYBO: I am ready. May I have the knife, please?
JARIS: Certainly. Among other gifts, Sybo has the ability to receive impressions from inanimate objects.

I never did like the psychic residue concept. A knife is just a knife, and a cigar is just a cigar, if I may torture the metaphor.

MORLA: I know it was wrong, but I just couldn't help myself. I loved her, and when she went over to the table with these men, I could not stand to watch, so I left and went home.
KIRK: Jealousy has often been a motive for murder.
JARIS: Yes, I know. That is why the emotion is so strongly disapproved of here.

A society that believes in love and apparently monogamy, but disapproves of jealousy. Good luck with that system!

KIRK: Each testifier will sit here, place his hand on this plate. Any deviation from factual truth will be immediately detected...

I'm more forgiving of lie detector handplates than psycho-tricorders. Come to think of it, couldn't you build a psycho-tricorder into the chair and dispense with the handplate?

KIRK: Computer. Criminological files. Cases of unsolved mass murders of women since Jack the Ripper.
COMPUTER: Working. 1932. Shanghai, China, Earth. Seven women knifed to death. 1974, Kiev, USSR, Earth. Five women knifed to death. 2105. Martian colonies. Eight women knifed to death. 2156. Heliopolis, Alpha Eridani Two. Ten women knifed to death. There are additional examples.

"Mass murder" means four or more murders in a single event. What Kirk and the computer are talking about is "serial murder". And now you know, and knowing is... (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pele5vptVgc)I really do use that joke too much, and I never even watched G.I. Joe!

KIRK: Deep space. Full power. Widest angle of dispersion. Maintain.

There's another function of the transporter that would have been useful in prior and future episodes.

The Fiver

McCoy: How will we prove Scotty's innocent?
Kirk: If only we had an android Sherlock Holmes....
McCoy: A what?

Just go back to the amusement park planet, imagine up an android Sherlock Holmes, and kidnap it. No sweat!

Hengist: I think it was Mr. Scott with the knife in the alley!
Kirk: Nonsense. I've got the Mr. Scott card!
Hengist: Shouldn't that be Mr. Orson Scott Card instead of-- Hey! That's just the Mr. Green card with a picture of Scotty taped over it!

Haven't played Clue in ages, but here's a completely irrelevant link (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4b2mFHB20A)to a video where PushingUpRoses covers the history of the game. I also didn't know that Orson Scott Card was still alive (or that his career was that recent, to be frank, I don't follow mainstream scifi fiction).

Kirk: This is unbelievable!
McCoy: What is it?
Kirk: The blueshirt is dead and the redshirt is still alive!

The probabilities have actually been crunched for blueshirts, redshirts, and goldshirts here (http://www.startrek.com/article/did-redshirts-really-die-more-often-on-tos). Enjoy. Still a good joke, though.

Kirk: See, we have the best computers ever. We can even tell when someone is lying!
Jarvis: Why don't you just have a half-Betazoid counsellor?
Kirk: Who? What? Huh?

I feel that there was a better punchline to be made there. "Nah, her mother would just hit on me and I don't go for older women like some tea-swilling baldie" or something.

Kirk: What is your name?
Scotty: I am Montgomery Scott.
Kirk: What is your quest?
Scotty: I seek the holy grail.
Kirk: What is your favorite color?
Scotty: Blue.
Hengist: Prove that the computer can check him if he's lying!
Kirk: Scotty, lie to me! How many fingers do you have?
Scotty: Nine.
Kirk: Hm...that's odd. The computer should have caught that.

It's always nice to see a Monty Python joke. How old was I when I found out about Doohan's finger, anyway? I probably found out from the Nitpicker's Guide, come to think of it...

[NAHTMMM]

Hengist: I think it was Mr. Scott with the knife in the alley!
Kirk: Nonsense. I've got the Mr. Scott card!
Hengist: Shouldn't that be Mr. Orson Scott Card instead of-- Hey! That's just the Mr. Green card with a picture of Scotty taped over it!
Kirk: Don't be ridiculous; Scotty doesn't need a green card.
Such a good fiver.

[Nate the Great]

December 29th, 1967, "The Trouble With Tribbles"

Part One

Now it's time to have some fun! I won't dampen the mood by rehashing the flatcat story, you can go to SF Debris for that...

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=thetroublewithtribbles) (by IJD GAF)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/42.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Trouble_with_Tribbles_(episode))

The Fiver

Spock: So, they plan to develop this Sherman's planet with quadrotriticale crops....
Kirk: You know Spock, you really could stand to learn the art of small talk.
Spock: What, on my quest to become more human? Ha!

Interesting place for a reference to "Starship Down", but okay...

Baris: (over comm) Kirk, this station is swarming with tribbles!
Kirk: I was unaware that 1,771,561 tribbles constituted a swarm.

If Spock's right, there aren't that many yet. Actually, that would've been a great running joke for Spock: "Actually, there are X tribbles. Assuming one yada yada multiplying over Y hours."

Scotty: I don't know...I'm not a huge fan of drunken shore leaves....
Kirk: HA! Good one...see you in a little while.

That is a good point...we've seen Scotty take normal shore leaves elsewhere. Technical manuals are for your off hours on ship when you're not near anything else!

Koloth: I demand an apology! Your hats are libel!
Baris: I demand an apology! Your guards are a joke!
Darvin: I demand--
Tribbles: Eep!
Darvin: --a raktajino.
Kirk: Koloth, get lost. Baris, get a life. Darvin, get exiled to Cardassia. And Cyrano....
Jones: Yes?
Kirk: Get busy. You'll need a miracle, or at least a glommer, to clean up this mess.

Reference overload! I was expecting a Spider-Man 2 "it's not slander, in print it's libel" joke, plus a clearer redshirt joke ("your guards kept dying from paper cuts and untied shoelaces"), plus someone asking what raktajino is.

Memory Alpha

* Lots of costume reuse in the bar scenes. It seems that the turtleneck uniforms are still being phased out (Sherman's Planet must be on the frontier and the new uniforms haven't been shipped yet).
* Another episode where Doohan's missing finger can be seen. If it's that important, you'd think the directors would all be paying closer attention to this.
* If the Okudas are to be believed, this is the last episode that had new Enterprise footage shot; all future episodes will reuse footage. Memory Alpha wonders if this is true.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Where were the guards Kirk assigned to watch the Klingons during the bar scene?
* How could Scotty be on the bridge in the final scene if he's been confined to quarters? Phil suspects that Kirk quickly realized that it wasn't really a punishment and rescinded this order.

YouTube

* Uhura's nursery. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXE5l0dXt5c)"Fortunately of course...I am...immune..."
* The bar fight. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMrzdKzQTf8) Don't you love how Korax imitates Scotty's accent for a second?
* Kirk's lunch is ruined by tribbles (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2T1QX7BEyg). The air vents! Also Doohan's finger.
* Kirk is buried in tribbles (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bprgl_4z6gY). "Close that door!"
* Music suite from the episode (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQeX1zuhhl0). Don't tell me that you can't pinpoint each scene based solely on the music!

[Nate the Great]

Part Two

The Episode

SPOCK: Quadrotriticale is a high-yield grain, a four-lobed hybrid of wheat and rye. A perennial, also, I believe. Its root grain, triticale, can trace its ancestry all the way back to twentieth century Canada...

Triticale is real ("triti" is from wheat, "cale" is from rye), but its ancestry goes back to nineteenth century Scotland and Germany. It seems odd that Spock would make such a mistake.

LURRY: Quadrotriticale is the only earth grain that grows on Sherman's Planet.

Here we go again, the desire to repeat the "homo sapiens only club" joke. Grow something other than grain, or use a grain from another world!

KIRK: (shows Chekov the packet of wheat) Mister Chekov, what do you make of this?
CHEKOV: Oh, quadrotriticale. I've read about this, but I've never seen any before.
KIRK: Does everybody know about this wheat but me?
CHEKOV: Not everyone, Captain. It's a Russian invention.

The Russia joke is always good for a laugh, but it's a shame that Sulu with his established background in botany couldn't be here for this scene.

BARMAN: I don't want any. I told you before, and I'm telling you again I don't want any more Spican flame gems. Thanks to you, I have enough Spican flame gems to last me a lifetime.
JONES: How sad for you, my friend. You won't find a finer stone anywhere. But I have something better. Surely you want some Antarian glow water.
BARMAN: I use that to polish the flame gems.

Classic exchange. I did a little research into these goods, and was disgusted to learn that Antarian glow water has its glow because there are ground-up Antarean dryworms (http://memory-beta.wikia.com/wiki/Antarean_dryworm) in it. One wonders if the Ferengi drink this stuff.

BARMAN: Four credits.
JONES: Is that an offer or a joke?
BARMAN: That's my offer.
JONES: That's a joke.
BARMAN: Five?

Great exchange. I love it when the barman says "five" in a way somewhere between a groan and the last rasp of a dying man.

KOLOTH: Captain, we Klingons are not as luxury-minded as you Earthers. We do not equip our ships with, how shall I say it, non-essentials.
KORAX: We have been in space for five months. What we choose as recreation is our own business.

And if you choose to be in space in a ship without any recreational facilities for five months, I call that your problem, not mine.

KIRK: Another technical journal, Scotty?
SCOTT: Aye.
KIRK: Don't you ever relax?
SCOTT: I am relaxing.

Don't look down on reading, captain! Or are you just looking down on nonfiction?

SPOCK: (stroking a tribble) A most curious creature, Captain. Its trilling seems to have a tranquillising effect on the human nervous system. Fortunately, of course, I am immune to its effect.

What really sells the line is how Spock's speech slows down as the tribble demands more and more of his attention. I suspect that tribbles emit low-level psy waves that a telepath like Spock might be more susceptible to.

KIRK: I was not aware, Mister Baris, that twelve Klingons constitutes a swarm.

I wonder how many Klingons it would take before Kirk would call it a swarm.

MCCOY: I can tell you this much. Almost fifty percent of the creature's metabolism is geared for reproduction. Do you know what you get if you feed a tribble too much?
KIRK: A fat tribble.
MCCOY: No. You get a bunch of hungry little tribbles.

Classic exchange, especially Kirk's expression of blunt smugness.

KORAX: No. I just remembered. There is one Earthman who doesn't remind me of a Regulan blood worm. That's Kirk. A Regulan blood worm is soft and shapeless, but Kirk isn't soft. Kirk may be a swaggering, overbearing, tin-plated dictator with delusions of godhood, but he's not soft.

More than one person in the novels has repeated the tin-plated dictator line in reference to Kirk, which makes me wonder where they got it. Did Scotty include this exchange in some form of official log? Did Kirk have to include it when explaining why he's confining Scotty to quarters?

KORAX: Of course, I'd say that Captain Kirk deserves his ship. We like the Enterprise. We, we really do. That sagging old rust bucket is designed like a garbage scow. Half the quadrant knows it. That's why they're learning to speak Klingonese.
CHEKOV: Mister Scott!
SCOTT: Laddie, don't you think you should rephrase that?
KORAX: You're right, I should. I didn't mean to say that the Enterprise should be hauling garbage. I meant to say that it should be hauled away as garbage.

I love the pause between "should" and "rephrase". Scotty is incensed, but he still had a little self control to censor himself. But then Korax had to take that little bit away...

KIRK: You hit the Klingons because they insulted the Enterprise, not because they
SCOTT: Well, sir, this was a matter of pride.
KIRK: All right, Scotty. Dismissed. Scotty, you're restricted to quarters until further notice.
SCOTT: (big grin) Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. That'll give me a chance to catch up on my technical journals.

The well-laid plans of mice and men and all that. Kirk should've come up with an alternate punishment. What, exactly, I'm not sure. Cleaning the gunk out of the food processors every day for a week?

MCCOY: Does everything have to have a practical use for you? They're nice, soft, and furry, and they make a pleasant sound.
SPOCK: So would an ermine violin, but I see no advantage in having one.

There's a forum game: alternatives to "ermine violin" that fit the qualifications of "nice, soft, furry, and makes a pleasant sound."

BARIS: But he is after my grain!
KIRK: Do you have any proof of that?
DARVIN: You can't deny he's disrupted this station.
KIRK: People have disrupted stations before without being Klingon agents. Sometimes, all they need is a title, Mister Baris.

Burn!

SPOCK: One million seven hundred seventy one thousand five hundred sixty one. That's assuming one tribble, multiplying with an average litter of ten, producing a new generation every twelve hours over a period of three days.

But there wasn't one tribble to start with, there must've been a few dozen at least. And that's assuming that all of the tribbles found enough food to reproduce at full capacity, and that's assuming...ugh, let's move on...

KIRK: Until that inquiry, I'm still the captain. And as Captain, I want two things done. First, find Cyrano Jones, and second (as another tribble hits him on the head) close that door.

Poor Kirk. Then again, Sisko and Dax really didn't have the time to pay attention to where they were throwing the tribbles, did they?

KIRK: Where did you transport them? Scott, you didn't transport them into space, did you?
SCOTT: Captain Kirk, that'd be inhuman.
KIRK: Where are they?
SCOTT: I gave them a good home, sir.
KIRK: (shouting) Where?
SCOTT: I gave them to the Klingons, sir.
KIRK: (a whisper) You gave them to the Klingons?
SCOTT: Aye, sir. Before they went into warp, I transported the whole kit and caboodle into their engine room, where they'll be no tribble at all.

Love that little pause and the disbelief in Kirk's voice at the suggestion that Scotty would beam tribbles into space.

[Nate the Great]

January 5th, 1968, "The Gamesters of Triskelion"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=thegamestersoftriskelion) (by IJD GAF)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/46.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Gamesters_of_Triskelion_(episode))

The Episode

CHEKOV: Captain. what happened?
KIRK: It must be a transporter malfunction.
CHEKOV: That was a rough trip.

There's a question: Is the physical sensation of using all transporters the same? Putting aside Reg Barclay's impossible "I can see from inside the beam" phenomenon, would the initial scanners cause a distinct sensation on the skin, a distinctive sound, etc.? Because it sounds like they were stolen right off their own pad, like that fake Vulcan ambassador in "Data's Day."

CHEKOV: But Captain, if we're not on Gamma Two, then where are we?

Putting aside Q and the other super-advanced races, what species have we seen that have a transporter range that is sufficiently larger than normal? I wonder if another race could've perfected that subspace transporter that Bok had...

KIRK: We're officers of a United spaceship on Federation business.

The issue of what "USS" stands for has confused many, as TOS has used it for both "United Space Ship" and "United Star Ship". Cue series bible rant. Personally I like the fan theory that "space ships" are simply ships that can travel in space (Cyrano Jones, Harry Mudd, etc.), while "star ships" are at a completely different level. Star ships can go faster, farther, and do more things than simple space ships.

SPOCK: I've conducted two sweeps of the planet's surface. There is no sign of life.

I've long preferred the idea that different degrees of scans of a planetary surface take different amounts of time. A few seconds can find major power sources, communications nodes, etc. so the ship has something to hail. A few minutes can do slightly more detailed charts of the infrastructure, extrapolate populations, etc. You'd need a few hours to get everything including precise population figures and species differentiation of such. No doubt Spock's been going over this place with the fine-tooth comb. (Cue Spaceballs joke)

MCCOY: It's been nearly an hour. Can people live that long as disassembled atoms in a transporter beam?
SPOCK: I have never heard of a study being done, but it would be a fascinating project.

Ha ha. Only forty years from now Scotty will have perpetual transporter buffering down (at least with a 50 percent mortality rate). I wonder if the work Spock started here in his spare time helped Scotty later.

SPOCK: I would welcome a suggestion, Doctor, even an emotional one, as to where to look.
MCCOY: First time you've ever asked me for anything, and it has to be an occasion like this.

Gotta love Bones.

SPOCK: Projecting back along the path of ionisation, the nearest system is M two four alpha.
SCOTT: That must be two dozen light years away.
SPOCK: Eleven point six three zero.
MCCOY: Are you suggesting that they could have transported over a distance of...

Only twelve light years? Q would call that the proverbial walk down the road to the chemist, but it's just peanuts to--Yes, I am hooked on that line, why do you ask?

KIRK: You don't think or do anything but what the Providers tell you.
SHAHNA: What else would one do?
KIRK: Love, for one thing.
SHAHNA: What is love?
KIRK: Love is the most important thing on Earth. Especially to a man and a woman.

How many women has he taught the meaning of "love" to? He's got quite the harem, doesn't he? Maybe I should dig out my copy of Captain Kirk's Guide to Women (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Captain_Kirk%27s_Guide_to_Women)...

SHAHNA: I have never seen them, but they are said not to be like us. They stay in
(Her collar lights up, and Kirk holds her tight while she writhes in pain.)
KIRK: Stop it. Stop it! I'm responsible! I made her talk! Stop it! You're killing her! She did nothing wrong! It was my fault. If you want to punish someone, punish me! Please.
ONE [OC]: Is that what you humans call compassion? It is interesting, but it has no value here.

You have to like this. Kirk is outright manipulating this woman to get her to help him, but he still cares about her safety. After all, this is all that she knows, so how can she know that she's doing immoral things?

SPOCK: I see. (pause) Gentlemen, I am in command of this vessel, and we shall continue on our present course. (conspiratorial whisper) Unless it is your intention to declare a mutiny.
SCOTT: Mister Spock!
MCCOY: Who said anything about a mutiny, you stubborn, pointed-eared...

It's nice to see that while Bones doesn't agree with this decision, he still respects Spock. We don't see that much these days, do we?

TWO [OC]: (pulsing green) Once we had humanoid form, but we evolved beyond it.

But I thought that evolving beyond human form meant turning into giant salamanders...obligatory "Threshold" joke aside, I can't imagine "evolving" from humanoid to just a brain. That's silly. Just say that the race focused on intellectual pursuits and direct input of entertainment to such a degree that it became more efficient to just take out their brains and hook them up to machines.

SHAHNA: Goodbye, Jim Kirk. I will learn, and watch the lights in the sky, and remember.

I vaguely remembered that there was another story with her, so I looked it up. The story "The Lights in the Sky (http://memory-beta.wikia.com/wiki/The_Lights_in_the_Sky)" from the first Strange New Worlds anthology features one, where she tries to meet Kirk on Earth.

The Fiver

Galt: I am Galt, the stiff and unemotional head thrall. You may notice my striking similarity to people like Al Gore or Chakotay.

Reminds me of one of my favorite Al Gore jokes from the "Jetrel" fiver...
Neelix's Dream: I am allegorical.
Al Gore: And I am Al Gore.
Neelix: Aahh! What a nightmare!

Lars: I'm your drill thrall, Lars. I follow a line of great Larses, such as Lars Ulrich.
Uhura: But he's a prick.
Lars: And that detracts from my statement how?

One of my favorite joke formats: the "you said something that you think contradicts my statement but in fact reinforces it" gag.

Kirk: See you around, Shahna.
Shahna: You don't really mean that, do you?
Kirk: Nah.

At least he's honest.

Memory Alpha

* Takei is still away filming The Green Berets, so Chekov gets a few more lines. He regrets not being able to be in this episode.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Another Captain's Log made without any mechanism around to record it. I wish Phil would just cave in and admit that these things are being recorded after the fact and that Kirk would never actually die.
* On the other hand, Kirk adds a stardate not knowing exactly where or when he is. I admit that it'd be awkward if he pointed that out: "To the best of my knowledge it is Stardate X, but we may have been transported in time as well as space."
* More mixing of metric and imperial. You would've thought one of the scientific consultants would've requested sticking to one or the other.

[Nate the Great]

January 12th, 1968, "A Piece of the Action"

No fiver
Transcript (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/A_Piece_of_the_Action_(episode))
Memory Alpha (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/49.htm)

The Episode

OXMYX [OC]: Toward the edge of what?
KIRK: I'll explain it in more detail when I see him.

Definite implications of a pre-warp culture. Even arguing that this planet falls under the category of "we have to clean up the contamination, the Prime Directive is suspended", shouldn't a specialist in such things have been sent along?

As an aside, it's a shame that Picard post-Dixon Hill couldn't be the first on the scene. He probably could've handled this whole thing better. Plus, sending Data into a bullet-intensive culture might've been useful...

MCCOY: What was the state of the Iotian culture before the Horizon came?
KIRK: The beginnings of industrialisation.

What happened to the Richter's Scale of Cultures (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Richter%27s_scale_of_cultures)? If an agrarian race like the Organians are D-, I'd think the Iotians would be a C or something. In addition, I'd put "beginnings of industrialization" as equivalent to "Industrial Revolution", which is about 1800, much earlier than the 1930s level of technology present here. What Kirk means is the "Second Industrial Revolution" or the "Technological Revolution."

SPOCK: Horizon reports indicate the Iotians are extremely intelligent and somewhat imitative.
MCCOY: So we're going down to recontaminate them.
SPOCK: The damage has been done, Doctor. We are here to repair it.

Repair, not contaminate. We're going to accomplish that by beaming down into the middle of a street in broad daylight wearing strange clothes and accompanied by an alien who looks nothing like the locals. Furthermore, we are going to conduct no research whatsoever via monitoring the local signals or sending disguised probes. Plus we're sending regular Starfleet officers instead of a team that's been trained specifically for this mission. Oh, and we're not even going to do even the most cursory scans of the current technological level of the planet so we can send down guys in body armor or flood the area with a gas that will inhibit the ignition of the bullets. For that matter--SLAP! Moving on, grrr....

SPOCK: Interesting, Captain. Passers-by are carrying, I believe, firearms.

It's not like Kirk is a collector of antique weapons. Come to think of it, it's a shame Sulu isn't around, he's the aficionado of these things, isn't he?

KALO: (in a brown suit) Okay, you three, let's see you petrify.
SPOCK: Sir, would you mind explaining that statement, please?
KALO: I want to see you turn to stone.

I don't mind this. Of course slang will evolve in a hundred years, and it's not like this one is hard to understand once explained.

OXMYX [OC]: Again you'll send me down a hundred of these fancy heaters you've got, and some troops to show me how to use them.

Only a hundred phasers? He has to have more men than that...

KIRK: If this society broke down as the result of the Horizon's influence, then the Federation's responsible, and we've got to do something to straighten this mess out.

This is a discussion for another time, and it'd be a doozy!

MCCOY: You do that very well. Now, how are you with primitive radio equipment?
SPOCK: Very simple. Amplitude modulation transmission. I simply adjust the frequency, throw this switch, and the Enterprise should answer.
VOICE [OC]: That was the Jailbreakers with their latest recording on Request Time, brought to you by Bang-Bang, the makers of the sweetest little automatic in the world
SPOCK: Fascinating.
MCCOY: And very simple.

Ha ha. Spock should be able to build a radio in his sleep, but it's still a good joke.

MCCOY: You mean you're going to trust him?
SPOCK: If we are to save the captain without blatant, forceful interference on this planet, Doctor, we must have the assistance of someone indigenous. We are therefore forced to trust Mister Oxmyx.

I don't follow this logic. Spock's talking like they'd have to send down a small army and take over the whole planet, when all they'd really need is a few security teams with phasers on wide-spread stun.

OXMYX: You know what to do.
KALO: Don't worry, Boss. They can't do nothing till they're through sparkling.

As Phil Farrand puts it: how do they know that? It's true (except when it isn't, I'm looking at you, Barclay!), but they've only seen a couple transports at this point!

SPOCK: Nothing useful. Logic and practical information do not seem to apply here.
MCCOY: You admit that?
SPOCK: To deny the facts would be illogical, Doctor.
KIRK: Then you don't mind if I play a hunch?
SPOCK: I'm not sanguine about hunches, Captain, but I have no practical alternative.

When Spock's logic breaks down, you know the locals are seriously messed up!

KIRK: Wheels, Mister Spock.
SPOCK: A fliwer, Captain.
KIRK: Key in the ignition.

On this planet, who'd leave the key in the ignition? I'd never heard of the word "flivver" before Star Trek, but it's a real word. As it turns out, it's not just a synonym for any car, it specifically means an out-of-date car, a jalopy.

SCOTT: You've got nothing. You mind your place, mister, or you'll be wearing concrete galoshes.
KRAKO: You mean cement overshoes?
SCOTT: Er. Aye.

Aye, Scotty. Incidentally, the idea of submerging your victims' feet in concrete and waiting for it to dry before tossing them in is ridiculous. It was more likely that bodies were chained to concrete blocks and tossed in, it's just easier.

(Kirk runs towards the car.)
SPOCK: Must we?
KIRK: It's faster than walking.
SPOCK: But not as safe.
KIRK: Are you afraid of cars?
SPOCK: Not at all, Captain. It's your driving that alarms me.

Logical, Spock. Hehe.

KIRK: Keep him until I send for him. We're going to make some old-style phone calls from this locale. So you locate the man on the other end of the blower and give him a ride to this flop.
SCOTT [OC]: What?
KIRK: Find the man at the other end of the phone...

Hehe. By the way, using "blower" as a synonym for "telephone" is British slang, not American.

SCOTT: Enterprise. Scott here, sir.
KIRK [OC]: Scotty, put the ship's phasers on stun. Fire a burst in a one-block radius around these co-ordinates.
SCOTT: Right away, sir. Scott out.

How many problems would be solved if this could be done in other episodes, right?

MCCOY: I left my communicator.
KIRK: In Bela's office?
SPOCK: Captain. If the Iotians, who are very bright and imitative people, should take that communicator apart
KIRK: They will, they will. And they'll find out how the transtator works.
SPOCK: The transtator is the basis for every important piece of equipment that we have.
KIRK: Everything.
MCCOY: You really think it's that serious?
KIRK: Serious? Serious, Bones? It upsets the whole percentage.
MCCOY: How do you mean?
KIRK: Well, in a few years, the Iotians may demand a piece of our action.

So...go back to the planet and beam it back? Surely communicators have their own transponders, that's how the transporter finds them, right?

Incidentally, what about the kid outside? What about his piece of the action?

Memory Alpha

There are various noncanon stories dealing with what happened to McCoy's communicator.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Krako says that he thought the Federation had laws against interfering. Phil correctly asks where he'd get this idea. The Horizon had no such law, and our crew is specifically here to clean up the possible mess, no doubt they have special dispensation to suspend the Prime Directive.

YouTube

Fizzbin (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DeIExLcURQ)
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dC_af3eOJb0)Kirk's adventures in motoring (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dC_af3eOJb0)
The ending (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbBuNGVDNCM)

[Nate the Great]

January 19th, 1968, "The Immunity Syndrome"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=theimmunitysyndrome) (by FatMatDuhRat)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/48.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Immunity_Syndrome_(episode))

PART ONE

The Episode

MCCOY: The Intrepid is manned by Vulcans, isn't it?
KIRK: Yes, that's right, Bones.

On the one hand, I can understand that some Vulcans would prefer to be among other Vulcans. On the other, it seems like favoritism, pampering, and against the goal of the Federation. At least for a full starship on a general exploratory mission.

Plus there's another problem. It was Surak himself who said "I am pleased to see that we have differences. May we together become greater than the sum of both of us." Time and time again it's been made clear that if Spock's logic was left unchecked by emotion and intuition many people would have died, if not the entire ship.

STARBASE [OC]: We've lost all contact with solar system Gamma Seven-A...

Who's the numnut who keeps using numbers, English letters, and Greek letters when naming things? Can't you just imagine a giant Boggle cube in the writing room, filled with Greek letters and Arabic numerals? "We need a new solar system name! *shake shake* Gamma Seven-A!"

KIRK: No speculation, no information, nothing. I've asked you three times for information on that, and you've been unable to supply it. Insufficient data is not sufficient, Mister Spock. You're the science officer. You're supposed to have sufficient data all the time.

See, Kirk is stressed, impatient, and snappish! In your face, Gene! Humanity isn't perfect yet, and can never be perfect as long as the unknown exists.

SPOCK: It is not a galactic nebula such as the Coal Sack...

The Coalsack Dark Nebula (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coalsack_Nebula) is a real thing. Furthermore, it's only 600 light years from here. And what's more than that, it's near the Southern Cross, so that's why Americans seldom hear about it.

KIRK: We're on a difficult mission, but it's not the first time. Our orders do not say stay alive or retreat.

No, your orders say find what killed the Intrepid. You have. Now get out of here ASAP, surround it with warning beacons, and come back with a plan for dealing with it. We have no proof that this thing has superluminal capacity or if there are planets in immediate danger like with the doomsday machine.

MCCOY: According to the life monitors, we're dying.

To quote our good friend Kruge, "Get out! Get out of there (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXb0zcEM-rI)!"

Captain's log, stardate 4308.8. It is now ten minutes since we entered the zone of darkness. We have stopped engines while we seek a defence against the energy drain which seems to pervade the zone.

The crew's been effectively crippled in less than ten minutes! Couldn't they have at least tossed in a line where between the interference and power drain the sensors can't find the way out right now?

MCCOY: That is an amoeba.
KIRK: Yes, I remember my basic biology, Doctor. You mean to tell me that that thing is a giant single-celled animal?
MCCOY: Yes, for lack of a better term.

Ugh, space whales I'll buy. Junior, sand with a hive mind, Gomtuu, and so forth I'll buy. But a giant single-celled animal? No. My single-celled biology is way, way back there in college, but I know enough about the conditions required to know that this is patently ridiculous.

KIRK: Both Mister Spock and Doctor McCoy have volunteered to go in a specially equipped shuttlecraft to penetrate the cell, find a way to destroy it, and free the ship. Doctor McCoy has the medical-biological knowledge. Mister Spock is better suited physically and emotionally to stand the stress.

How is this a choice? When it comes to normal ameba, Spock would know as much as McCoy. And when it comes to flying a shuttle at all, much less into a dangerous situation like this when keeping calm under fire and multitasking are required, Spock is the clear choice.

[Nate the Great]

PART TWO

The Fiver

Scotty: Sir! There be darkness here!

Interesting place for a Voyage Home joke...

Kirk: How're the shields, Scotty?
Scotty: Eh? What're these things called "shields" that you mention?
Kirk: Look, just find a way to pull a techno-rabbit out of the warp core like you always do.
Scotty: Uh, sure, but... what's a "warp core"?

As best as I can figure, the joke is supposed to be that these technobabble terms don't exist at this point in TOS, they'd say "deflectors" and "engines".

Kirk: Did everyone survive?
Chekov: Aye, sir -- but what's happened to all the stars?
Valen: Welcome to... the Void.
Spock: Scientifically speaking, this isn't truly a void if you're already in it.
Valen: (grumbles) Whatever, big-ears, just as long as you don't have a crazy coffee-drinking redheaded woman on board.

Valen is a character from the Voyager episode "The Void". There are some similarities between the episodes, but I think the joke was a bit forced in this case.

Scotty: Captain, we've (gasp) lost his signal -- Mr. Spock is dead!
McCoy: Wha--? That's my line! I'll kill you!

Scotty should've used "he's dead, Captain" to fit McCoy's joke format better. I don't like the death threat; Bones could've made a more appropriate threat, like "next time you need a shot I'm using a REAL needle!"

Uhura: Not yet, there's another message from Starfleet coming through --
Kirk: Huh--? What do they want now?
Uhura: They've just found a crazy woman with red hair who keeps on asking for a cup of coffee.
Kirk, Spock, and McCoy: (stick fingers in ears while loudly whistling)

The horror! The trio should've hummed along with the end-of-episode fanfare, though.

Memory Alpha

* There's confusion about the Intrepid's class and registry number. Eventually it was given NCC-1631 and fixed as Constitution-class. Robert Justman wanted a Vulcan name, but this never happened. In future eras the Hera and T'Kumbra will also have predominately Vulcan crews, and you have to wonder if the T'Pau did as well.
** As an aside, I wonder why assign "Intrepid" to a Vulcan ship. Of the initial batch of Constitution-class ships, I'd think ''Constellation'' or ''Endeavor'' would fit better.
* Last appearance of the shuttlecraft interior, and yet they spent money to refit the set. Weird...
* First episode after Paramount bought Desilu, so now the Paramount logo is at the end of the episode.
* The writers of Memory Alpha attempts to work around the conflicting comments as to whether or not Vulcan has been conquered by saying that it was one of the Vulcan colonies that were conquered. I see no need for such blatant plot-hole patching, just say that McCoy was drunk when he made the earlier comment and Spock wasn't in the mood to correct him at that time.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil points out that the E-D finds another area of blackness in "The Immunity Syndrome" and yet doesn't mention this episode.

[Nate the Great]

Recently I acquired a number of back issues of Star Trek: The Magazine. One of them has an article about the writing of the opening monologue. I thought that you might enjoy seeing some of the drafts, all of which came from the staff bouncing memos back and forth on August 2nd, 1966:

This is the story of the United Space Ship Enterprise. Assigned a five year patrol of our galaxy, the giant starship visits earth colonies, regulates commerce, and explores strange new worlds and civilizations. These are its voyages...and its adventures.

Gotta love Gene's perpetual hypocrisy, he puts commerce right in the draft. This version seems like it'd be read by a narrator and not Kirk. Call me a romantic, but I still prefer referring to the Enterprise as "her" where practical. Her voyages and adventures.

This is the adventure of the United Space Ship Enterprise. Assigned a five year patrol, the bold crew of the giant starship explores the excitement of strange new worlds, uncharted civilizations and exotic people. These are its voyages and adventures...

Is this five year mission one big adventure or a series of smaller adventures? Because you can't have it both ways in three sentences, Gene! Including both "civilizations" and "people" seems redundant, the only instance I can think of in TOS where it wouldn't be is the Guardian of Forever.

John D.F. Black, a story consultant and associate producer, proposed this...

Space, the final frontier. Endless, silent, waiting. This is the story of the United Space Ship Enterprise. It's mission, a five year patrol of the galaxy, to seek out and contact all alien life, to explore, to travel the vast galaxy where no man has gone before. A Star Trek.

It's quite interesting how often the early days of TOS treated the entire galaxy as traverseable in a reasonable amount of time, isn't it?

Then Robert Justman, an assistant director and producer, came back with this...

This is the story of the Starship Enterprise. It's mission: to advance knowledge, contact alien life and enforce intergalactic law. To explore the strange new worlds where no man has gone before.

Now that's starting to sound familiar!

The final version didn't appear in a memo until August 10th.

Looking at these, it could get confusing trying to figure out what the Enterprise's mission actually is. After all, scientific exploration, cultural exploration, and police/military action seem like almost mutually exclusive objectives, don't they? And if this is taking place in the context of a patrol around the perimeter of the Federation that's supposed to take five years, does that mean that all of the Constitution-classes are meant to follow this course spaced out like carousel animals?

[NAHTMMM]

Neat! :)

[Nate the Great]

February 2nd, 1968, "A Private Little War"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=aprivatelittlewar)(by IJD GAF)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/45.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/A_Private_Little_War_(episode))

The Episode

Main points:
* Depending on the scene the Prime Directive either does or does not exist. Depending on the scene the Organian Peace Treaty either does or does not exist. The problem is that editing wouldn't fix the plot; it's fundamentally flawed no matter what the current state of Federation regulations or diplomatic relations with the Klingons are.
* It was a big mistake to not introduce a natural resource or strategic position to justify the Klingon presence here. They're devoting a lot of attention and resources to claiming this planet. If they were going to take the locals elsewhere to put them to work as slaves they could've done it a few people at a time and the Federation wouldn't have known until it was too late.
* I did a lot of research into how well the history of firearm development on Earth corresponds to what's going on here, but it got to be too lengthy and this episode is not worth two posts. Suffice to say that while the general sequence of weapons shown is acceptable, a lot of the needed infrastructure is simply ignored. The Klingons are devoting a lot of men and resources to a planet that has no exploitable resources.

UHURA: Message to Starbase, sir?
KIRK: No point in giving ourselves away, Lieutenant. Not until we find out what's going on.

I suppose alternatives like sending a probe aren't even worth discussing, they wouldn't get a response in time.

SCOTT: We can hide for a while, sir, but we may have to go out of orbit to keep it up for long.

Insert questions about how far away you have to be from a planet before you can go into warp here. If the implication is that Starfleet sensors are better than Klingon sensors in this case, why can't the Enterprise keep hiding if they know where the Klingon ship is?

Captain's log, stardate 4211.4. Keeping our presence here secret is an enormous tactical advantage, therefore I cannot risk contact with Starfleet Command. I must take action on my own judgment. I've elected to violate orders and make contact with planet inhabitants.

What orders? The Prime Directive? The opportunity to preserve that is gone. Couldn't Kirk say that he doesn't have time to wait for orders from Starfleet?

NONA: I am a Kahn-ut-tu woman. In all this land, how many are there? Men seek us because through us they become great leaders.

So these women don't want power directly, they want to use their husbands as puppets? There's a debate I won't pursue further...

NONA: Our blood has passed through the mahko root together. Our souls have been together. He is mine now.
TYREE: She must sleep also.
MCCOY: He is hers?
TYREE: When a man and woman are joined in this manner, he can refuse her no wish. But it is only legend.

Another debate I don't care to pursue further. I'm not in a poke-the-anthill-with-a-stick frame of mind today.

TYREE: The firesticks first appeared nearly a year ago. Since that time, many of my people have died.
KIRK: You say they make the firesticks themselves? How can you be sure?
TYREE: I've looked into their village. I have seen it being done.

The Klingons set up the infrastructure and taught the locals how to use it in a matter of months? I'm reminded of Kirk in "The Trouble With Tribbles": Though the Klingons are brutal and aggressive, they are most efficient.

KIRK: We once were as you are, Spears, arrows. There came a time when our weapons grew faster than our wisdom, and we almost destroyed ourselves.

Totally not an anti-Vietnam message, honest! One could almost wonder when our weapons technology didn't grow faster than our wisdom...

KIRK: But we're wise enough to know that we are wise enough not to interfere with the way of a man or another world.

I get what he was going for, but that certainly doesn't seem like the most efficient way to say that...

MCCOY: Do I have to say it? It's not bad enough there's one serpent in Eden teaching one side about gun powder. You want to make sure they all know about it!
KIRK: Exactly. Each side receives the same knowledge and the same type of firearm.
MCCOY: Have you gone out of your mind?

Yes, he has. Stun everyone, take all the guns and associated equipment, and let them figure out how to make these things from scratch. Problem solved, and it's hardly the worst Prime Directive violation these guys will be guilty of.

KIRK: Bones, do you remember the twentieth century brush wars on the Asian continent? Two giant powers involved, much like the Klingons and ourselves. Neither side felt could pull out.
MCCOY: Yes, I remember. It went on bloody year after bloody year.
KIRK: What would you have suggested, that one side arm its friends with an overpowering weapon? Mankind would never have lived to travel space if they had. No. The only solution is what happened back then. Balance of power.

And removing all of the guns to achieve balance of power isn't an option? I appreciate the anti-Vietnam message, but Kirk takes it in an odd direction. I can't agree that "lengthy war"="will never reach space". If that were the case we'd have never reached space ourselves.

The Fiver

McCoy: (ahem) Reporting as ordered, sir.
Kirk: How's Spock? Hic.
McCoy: Dunno. Some crazy upstart doctor who claims to have interned at a Vulcan hospital is with him.

M'Benga a "crazy upstart doctor"? Where'd that come from?

Kirk: Me tired. Kirk go sleep now.
Nona: Your captain is now mine forever. (faints)
McCoy: I feel like I missed something very wrong and very dirty.

I suddenly wonder if Nona blood and Elaan tears cancel each other out.

Klingon: Come, let me show you the next technological improvement we will make to your weaponry.
Apella: I still can't think of a logical reason why Klingons would be giving weapons to pre-warp civilizations.
Klingon: We're turning you into Klingons, not Vulcans, dammit!

Hehe. I've covered this before.

McCoy: Just what in the hell do you think you're doing?
Kirk: Teaching them to fight back against the village people.
McCoy: First, they're villagers, not village people. Second, that's the single worst violation of the Prime Directive I've ever heard.

Y.M.C.A.! It's not the single worst violation of the Prime Directive that I've ever heard of. I'd have to give it some thought, but I'm sure this episode is not it.

Kirk: Can't... stupefied by... infatuation....

Tyree: Look! He has been stupefied by my wife's spells!

"Stupefied" means either shocked or being influenced by an ingested mind-altering substance. I think you meant "dazzled" or similar.

[Nate the Great]

February 9th, 1968, "Return to Tomorrow"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=returntotomorrow) (by IJD GAF)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/51.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Return_to_Tomorrow_(episode))

The Episode

There are several instances in the beginning of the episode where Sargon uses his power to strongarm our crew into doing what he wants and nothing else. This shouldn't encourage trust on the part of our crew, and they should've left and let him rot.

SPOCK: Not even a Vulcan can know the unknown, Captain. We are hundreds of light years past where any Earth ship has ever explored.

Once again we see that despite the creators' word to the contrary, speeds in TOS are faster. We don't have any indication that the ship has been on this mission for months, do we? "Earth ship"...cue Azetbur cliche, moving on...

KIRK: Log entry out. How long before Starfleet receives that?
UHURA: Over three weeks at this distance, sir.

Once again subspace is portrayed as being much slower than it should be. The problem is...why is a three week delay needed for the events of this episode?

SPOCK: Coming from deep under the planet's surface, Captain. Under at least one hundred miles of solid rock.
SARGON [OC]: I will make it possible for your transporter to beam you that deep beneath the surface. Have no fear.

The amount of rock that the transporter can punch through is rather inconsistent, but at least the writers were aware of it this time and handwaved the problem away. Good for them.

KIRK: Composition of walls?
SPOCK: They're an alloy or substance completely unknown to me. Much stronger and harder than anything I've measured before.
MULHALL: All readings are off the scale, Captain.

I hate how the creators keep saying that alien races have these supermaterials when it just isn't needed and only creates plot holes. Just say that there's a jamming field and you can't get exact readings, then move on!

SARGON: Sealed in this receptacle is the essence of my mind.
SPOCK: Pure energy. Matter without form.
KIRK: Impossible.

Yes, it is! "Pure energy" and "matter" are mutually exclusive and not needed as it only creates plot holes. "A mixture of plasma and unknown energy" is sufficient for these purposes.

KIRK: That's twice you've referred to us as my children.
SARGON: Because it is possible you are our descendants, Captain Kirk. Six thousand centuries ago, our vessels were colonising this galaxy, just as your own starships have now begun to explore that vastness. As you now leave your own seed on distant planets, so we left our seed behind us. Perhaps your own legends of an Adam and an Eve were two of our travellers.
MULHALL: Our beliefs and our studies indicate that life on our planet, Earth, evolved independently.
SPOCK: That would tend, however, to explain certain elements of Vulcan prehistory.
SARGON: In either case, I do not know.

More unneeded plotholes, grrr. Sargon calls humans "my children" because the race is so young compared to his! That's all that's needed!

KIRK: We knew the seed that we had planted on other planets would take root, that one day you would build vessels as we did, and one day you would come here.

Ugh. "We knew that there had to be other intelligent races in the universe, and eventually they would find our planet" is more than sufficient.

SCOTT: A starship engine the size of a walnut? That's impossible. But I don't suppose there'd be any harm in looking over diagrams on it.

Ha ha. Scotty is such a hypocrite.

KIRK: They used to say if man could fly, he'd have wings. But he did fly. He discovered he had to. Do you wish that the first Apollo mission hadn't reached the moon, or that we hadn't gone on to Mars and then to the nearest star? That's like saying you wish that you still operated with scalpels and sewed your patients up with catgut like your great-great-great-great-grandfather used to. I'm in command. I could order this. But I'm not because, Doctor McCoy is right in pointing out the enormous danger potential in any contact with life and intelligence as fantastically advanced as this. But I must point out that the possibilities, the potential for knowledge and advancement is equally great. Risk. Risk is our business. That's what the starship is all about. That's why we're aboard her. You may dissent without prejudice. Do I hear a negative vote?

Ah, the classic "Risk is our business" speech. I keep imagining this speech being in other episodes.

SPOCK/HENOCH: This is an excellent body, Doctor. I seem to have received the best of the three. Strength, hearing, eyesight, all far above your human norms. I'm surprised the Vulcans never conquered your race.

Cue "Enterprise" joke. I find it hard to parse what knowledge these guys can get from their hosts' minds, and what they can't. Does Henoch not have access to Spock's memories, or was that last line blatant "I'm evil" exposition for the benefit of the audience? I thought Gene treated Trek viewers as more intelligent and perceptive than this...

The Fiver

Kirk: Wouldn't it be ironic if the longest, greatest speech of Star Trek was reduced to the shortest scene in this fiver?
Spock: Yep. Risky too.

Ha ha.

Sorry, the fiver is fine, but nothing else really jumped out at me.

Memory Alpha

* Takei is finally back after filming The Green Berets. It's a shame, as this is an episode that definitely didn't need him, whereas some of the other episodes could've made use of the character.
* First appearance of Diane Muldar in the first of her three roles.
* Mulhall is a lieutenant commander, the highest-ranking named woman in TOS.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil wonders why Thalassa was so opposed to this android body simply because it wasn't a perfect humanoid substitute. He asks why gradual upgrades weren't considered, and points out that perfect humanoid duplicates have been seen in episodes like "What are Little Girls Made Of" and "I, Mudd". I also point out that in "I, Mudd" the androids didn't seem to be opposed to turning our heroes into one of them.
* Kirk declares that beings of pure energy are impossible, but we've seen multiple examples of such in "Metamorphosis", "Obsession", and "Wolf in the Fold."

YouTube

* Meeting Sargon, and "our children". (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6P9tfiZ98k)
* "Risk is our business!" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HiFEzc_gsuw)
* Thalassa tries to bargain with McCoy (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4hc7fLQhLo).

[Nate the Great]

February 16th, 1968, "Patterns of Force"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=patternsofforce) (by Kristina)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/52.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Patterns_of_Force_(episode))

The Episode

MCCOY: Starfleet's been trying for six months. If he's alive, isn't it unlikely that he'd receive us now?

Six months? Starfleet has been trying to call Gill for six months with absolutely no response, and it took this long? I know that travel times are supposed to be a little longer in this era, but six months is just unforgivable no matter which way you look at it.

SPOCK: Zeons do have a crude interplanetary capability. Reaction powered. A small rocket. It is on an intercept course. That would mean it has sophisticated detection devices which neither Zeon nor Ekos should have.

In other words, Gill gave these people subspace capabilities. The problem is, in all other ways the planet seems like yet another twentieth century equivalent planet, which means our people never should've been there. Is the Prime Directive optional depending on the day of the week or something?

KIRK: We've run into a far more serious problem than the disappearance of John Gill. Spock, you and I will beam down. Bones, one precaution. Prepare a subcutaneous transponder in the event we can't use our communicators.

The problem with subcutaneous transponders is that while they're a completely logical and reasonable precaution, they open up a complete can of worms. Let's assume for the moment that these things can't be continually installed (eventually they'd cause body damage, the batteries don't have more than a few days of charge, etc.), that doesn't mean that there aren't umpteen other episodes in all series that would benefit from their inclusion. It's a logistical headache.

KIRK: Insert the transponders. Make one low pass to communication range in three hours. If we fail to make contact at the appointed time, take our co-ordinates from the transponder and beam us aboard no matter what our condition may be.

Again, fair enough, but it's another can of worms. If such precautions were taken in all episodes we'd miss out on many adventures. Plots that are resolved in ten minutes aren't very exciting.

KIRK: How could this have happened? The chances of another planet developing a culture like Nazi Germany, using the forms, the symbols, the uniforms of twentieth century Earth are so fantastically slim.

But a planet reproducing ancient Rome is completely reasonable? Is Hodgkin's Law of Parallel Planet Development a thing in-universe or not?

KIRK: John Gill was the kindest, gentlest man I ever knew.

I'm not disputing this, but it's an interesting thought experiment: can you think of another of Kirk's old friends that would better fit this description?

SPOCK: Now, the rubindium crystals should find enough power here to achieve the necessary stimulus. As I recall from the history of physics, the ancient lasers were able to achieve the necessary excitation, even using crude natural crystals.

Using radio crystals to make a laser beam...I'll just link to the MacGyver theme (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKTNWI0eYJ4) and move on...

SPOCK: Captain, I'm beginning to understand why you Earthmen enjoy gambling. No matter how carefully one computes the odds of success, there is still a certain exhilaration in the risk.
KIRK: Very good, Spock. We may make a human of you yet.
SPOCK; I hope not.

Spock admitting to feeling an emotion? Good exchange, though.

DARAS: There's one chance left. If you'd use the weapons you have, you could destroy the fleet.
KIRK: That would mean the death of thousands of Ekosian spacemen.
ISAK: Many of my friends are aboard that ship, many of the Underground.
DARAS: Yes, but against those thousands are millions of innocent Zeon lives. You've got to choose the lesser of two evils.

Picard saying that he refuses to let arithmetic decide questions like that comes to mind...

KIRK: Gill. Gill, why did you abandon your mission? Why did you interfere with this culture?
GILL: Planet fragmented. Divided. Took lesson from Earth history.
KIRK: But why Nazi Germany? You studied history. You knew what the Nazis were.
GILL: Most efficient state Earth ever knew.
SPOCK: Quite true, Captain. That tiny country, beaten, bankrupt, defeated, rose in a few years to stand only one step away from global domination.
KIRK: But it was brutal, perverted, had to be destroyed at a terrible cost. Why that example?
SPOCK: Perhaps Gill felt that such a state, run benignly, could accomplish its efficiency without sadism.
KIRK: Why, Gill? Why?
GILL: Worked. At first it worked.

First, in what universe were the Nazis the most efficient state Earth ever knew? I'm not going to go too deep into this, but I just had to put that out there. Second, how could a "benign with no sadism" version of Nazism ever work? It kind of defeats the point of being Nazis, doesn't it?

GILL: (shot and dying in Kirk's arms) I was wrong. The non-interference Directive is the only way. We must stop the slaughter.
KIRK: You did that, Professor. You told them in time.
GILL: Even historians fail to learn from history. They repeat the same mistakes. Let the killing end.

Talk about soapboxing. Trek has had a much better record of getting the message across in more subtle and thought-provoking ways than this.

SPOCK: With the union of two cultures, this system would make a fine addition to the Federation.

You know, once they invent warp drive on their own and all. The Enterprise did remove the subspace technology and all the transtators that were undoubtedly a part of it, right? RIGHT?

MCCOY: It also proves another Earth saying. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. Darn clever, these Earthmen, wouldn't you say?
SPOCK: Yes. Earthmen like Ramses, Alexander, Caesar, Napoleon, Hitler, Lee Kuan.

Lee Luan will be cited by Garth of Izar later, he will be a despot sometime in the future. Presumably he'll be a figure in World War III. One wonders why Khan wasn't included in this group.

The Fiver

Kirk: It's so Earth-like. Nudge, nudge, know what I mean?
Spock: Fascinating how we always seem to run into those environments...
Zeon Man: Hide -- they're right behind me!
Ekosian Guard: On your feet, Zeon pig! Now march -- it's off to the Ministry of Silly Walks.

Odd place for Monty Python jokes, but okay...

Kirk: Nazi Germany, and John Gill as the Fuhrer -- what are the odds of that?
Spock: You should know better than to get me started on those calculations.

Yes, he should.

Spock: This Zeon is by no means a cover-up.
Ekosian Guard: But your helmet is. Into the comfy chairs you both go!

Monty Python again? Just for that I'm linking to the theme song (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QfqJwkuCTw)...

Kirk: How do we get out of this prison?
Spock: I say we couple our transponder chips, make a crude laser, and burn a metal lock.
Kirk: Only in the world of Star Trek....

Or MacGyver, as I've already discussed.

Spock: I know where John is -- over in Wilke's Booth, drugged.

Clever.

Kirk: We need to get through to John Gill. Spock, any ideas?
Spock: Captain, remember.... Wenn ist das Nunstuck git und Slotermeyer?
Kirk: Sure -- yes.... Ja. Beierhund das oder die Flipperwald gesprut!
Guards: HAHAHAH-- GAK!

This is referencing The Funniest Joke in the World sketch (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwbnvkMRPKM), again from Monty Python. Don't bother putting that into Google Translate by the way, it's gibberish.

Memory Alpha

* This episode wasn't broadcast in Germany until 1996, and even then on pay TV.
* This "Nazis were efficient" idea was widespread at the time but has since been debunked. Well, duh...

Nitpicker's Guide

* Kirk and Spock left their phasers behind. Why aren't transponders built into the equipment as well so they can be retrieved later?

[Nate the Great]

February 23rd, 1968, "By Any Other Name"

No fiver
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/50.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/By_Any_Other_Name_(episode))

The Episode

SPOCK: What brings you here?
ROJAN: Within ten millennia, high radiation levels in our galaxy will make life there impossible. So the Kelvan Empire sent forth ships to explore other galaxies, to search for one which our race could conquer and occupy.

This whole situation deserves a little more scrutiny. Their entire galaxy will be uninhabitable? Where are these high radiation levels coming from? There are so many Kelvans that they need an entire galaxy to occupy?

KELINDA: Our ships were of multigeneration design. We were born in the intergalactic void. We shall die there during our return journey.
ROJAN: And our mission will be completed by a commander who is my descendant.

So...is there a ruling class system, or has Rojan's family's genetic structure been altered to make them all ideal commanders? Why would his son necessarily be the right choice?

KIRK: What happened to your ship?
ROJAN: There is an energy barrier at the rim of your galaxy.
KIRK: Yes, I know. We've been there.

Back in "Where No Man Has Gone Before." It's a shame that this really won't be followed up on in future series. The novels have had a great time trying to figure out what the Galactic Barrier is and is not, I especially refer you to the Q-Continuum trilogy of novels.

SPOCK: Why use our vessel? Why not transmit a message to your galaxy?
ROJAN: No form of transmission can penetrate the barrier.

So...go past the barrier, drop a relay bouy, then come back and check up on the bouy every few years to see if you've gotten a response. Not that complicated.

KIRK: Rojan, there's no reason to do this by force. Let's take your problem to the Federation. Research expeditions have catalogued hundreds of uninhabited planets in this galaxy suitable for colonization.
ROJAN: We do not colonize. We conquer. We rule. There's no other way for us.

You mean you've been taught to conquer, not colonize. Every single thing that you know about Kelvan society has been altered by generations of educational drift. Besides, who says that dogma has to guide your every action?

ROJAN: These shells in which we've encased ourselves, they have such heightened senses. To feel. To hear. To smell. How do humans manage to exist in these fragile cases?
HANAR: Since the ship was designed to sustain these forms, we have little choice.

Heightened senses I can understand, but Rojan is implying that in his natural form he neither feels, hears, or smells, and that's just ridiculous. As for "fragile", probably yes, but I fail to see why the Kelvans couldn't make more durable humanoid bodies. Closer to Khan, or androids, or whatever.

ROJAN: I think we're somewhat alike, Captain. Each of us cares less for his own safety than for the lives of his command. We feel pain when others suffer for our mistakes. Your punishment shall be to watch them die.

Invoking the Not So Different (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/NotSoDifferent) trope can backfire very easily, and I think this is one such case. While in this case Rojan makes good points, they're very superficial traits.

ROJAN: Bring them to me. This is the essence of what they were. The flesh and brain and what you call the personality, distilled down into these compact shapes. And once crushed (he demonstrates) this person is dead. However, that one can be restored.

So the water has been taken out and the matter has been rearranged into a structure that holds an equivalent of a transporter pattern. A clever idea, but I'm not sure that it'd be that simple.

SPOCK: The power source is protected by a material we cannot breach even with our phasers. Mister Scott and I have prepared the means for the only logical alternative available to us.
KIRK: What alternative?
SPOCK: The barrier we must penetrate is composed of negative energy.
SCOTT: I have opened the control valves to the matter-anti-matter nacelles. On your signal, I will flood them with positive energy.

First, the power source being shielded has nothing to do with sabotaging other aspects of the propulsion system. Second, opening the control valves to the nacelles will destroy the ship by itself, as uncontrolled warp plasma can do an awful lot of damage.

ROJAN: There aren't enough of us to efficiently guard all of you of the time. Further, the food synthesisers cannot manufacture enough food for the entire journey. We are therefore neutralising all nonessential personnel.

And Kirk is considered "essential"? Even the Nitpicker's Guide commented on this one. This also came up in "The Ultimate Computer."

ROJAN: Well, I do not understand this business of pressing with the lips to apologise.
SPOCK: I believe you're referring to a kiss. But it is my understanding that such apologies are usually exchanged between people who have some affection for each other.
ROJAN: Kelinda has no affection for Captain Kirk.
SPOCK: Your game is off. Are you disturbed by the incident?
ROJAN: Why should I be disturbed?
SPOCK: You've known Kelinda for some time. She's a Kelvan as you are. Among humans, I've found the symptoms you're displaying usually indicate jealousy.
ROJAN: I have no reason for such a reaction. Kelinda's a female, nothing more.
SPOCK: Captain Kirk seems to find her quite attractive.
ROJAN: Well, of course she is!
SPOCK: You are not jealous?
ROJAN: No!
SPOCK: Nor upset?
ROJAN: Certainly not.
SPOCK: Checkmate.

Ha ha. Good scene. The gentleman doth protest too much, methinks.

TOMAR: What is it?
SCOTT: Well, it's, er. (peers at it, sniffs it) It's green.

Always a classic. Even so, shouldn't the identity of these things be written on the bottles, or is Scotty so drunk he can't see clearly?

KELINDA: (coming up for air) Rojan has forbidden me to see you.
KIRK: Yes, that's too bad. Why do you defy him?
KELINDA: It's not a question of defiance. We were told to find out everything we could about you.
KIRK: Huh. And how's the research going?
KELINDA: I need some more experiments.

Ha ha.

KIRK: I'm stimulating him. (McCoy pushes him back into the fight.) You have no choice. To use this ship, you have to use our form and now you're stuck with it, you and your descendants, for the next three hundred years.

Yeah, about that. Did the Kelvans permanently turn themselves into human beings, down to their reproductive systems? That seems to be the idea. So when the ship full of humans with hundreds of years of values-warping arrives in Andromeda, what happens? Either they're executed, or every Kelvan who wants to colonize the Milky Way turns themselves into a human being? Unless you want to tell me that with the Enterprise's sensor logs of the Galactic Barrier the Kelvans can refit their ships to handle it. We could be here all day.

ROJAN: You would really do that? You would extend welcome to invaders?
(They finally stop fighting.)
KIRK: No. But we would welcome friends.

Always a great line.

ROJAN: And you. You would wish to remain with him?
KELINDA: He's most interesting, but I wish to go with you. I believe I owe you an apology. (she kisses Rojan) It's most pleasurable.
ROJAN: Yes. Very curious.
KIRK: You see, Rojan, being human does have certain advantages. Being able to appreciate the beauty of a flower or a woman.

Great scene.

Memory Alpha

* Last Sulu-less episode made during his Green Berets absence. "Return to Tomorrow" was made after this one and aired before.
* This episode is referenced in Good Eats when Alton describes what's in the human body besides water.

YouTube

* Two crewman being turned into blocks (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B78dZ39iSSY).
* The key might be stimulating the Kelvans, and "It is green". (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWEDZFoLmyA)
* D.C. Fontana tells the story of the creation of the dehydrated block idea. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6x7hWY6Khs) I don't think I'd ever seen or heard Fontana before, only read about her.

[Nate the Great]

March 1st, 1968, "The Omega Glory"

Sorry, but I missed the switch from Th/F to W/Th in the anniversary airdates. Was there a leap-year somewhere to throw the airdates off?

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=theomegaglory) (by IJD GAF)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/54.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Omega_Glory_(episode))

Here we go, the episode that plays like a "best of" for TOS cliches. Absurd science, absurd parallel development, complete disregard for the Prime Directive, real-world technical terms misused, Kirk speeches...

The Episode

MCCOY: These white crystals. That's what's left of the human body when you take the water away, which makes up ninety six percent of our bodies. Without water, we're all just three or four pounds of chemicals. Something crystallised them down to this.

Two episodes in a row where people have all of the water removed from their bodies. Of course back in "By Another Name" the powder had to be in a structured form to preserve the structure of their bodies and personality. No one noticed this and suggested spacing out the scripts a bit?

Captain's log, supplemental. The Enterprise has left the Exeter and moved into close planet orbit. Although it appears the infection may strand us here the rest of our lives, I face an even more difficult problem. A growing belief that Captain Tracey has been interfering with the evolution of life on this planet. It seems impossible. A star captain's most solemn oath is that he will give his life, even his entire crew, rather than violate the Prime Directive.

Interfere with the evolution of life? If we're using a definition broad enough to make this true (i.e. we're introducing alien bacteria and ideas that will alter the choices made by the locals), then almost any mission would be guilty of this. I think he means he development of civilization.

MCCOY: Our tissues definitely show a massive infection, Jim, but something is immunising us down here, thank heavens, or we'd have been dead hours ago.
KIRK: I don't think we're going to have time to isolate it, Bones.
MCCOY: The problem is, it could be anything Some spores or pollen in the air, some chemical.

I think you mean "neutralizing the effect", Bones. Immunization means you don't have to worry about it anymore.

SPOCK: A smaller attack on this village a week ago, driven off by Captain Tracey with his phaser. I have found villagers who will corroborate it.
MCCOY: Now wait a minute. He lost his ship and his crew, and he found himself the only thing standing between an entire village of peaceful people.
SPOCK: Regulations are quite harsh, but they're also quite clear, Captain. If you do not act, you will be considered equally guilty.

So merely using a phaser in view of a prewarp society is a violation of the Prime Directive? I'll repeat, why do our ships even go to planets with prewarp societies?

TRACEY: No native to this planet has ever had any trace of any kind of disease. How long would a man live if all disease were erased, Jim? Wu. (Wu enters) Tell Captain Kirk your age.
WU: Age? I have seen forty two years of the red bird. My eldest brother
TRACEY: Their year of the red bird comes once every eleven years, which he's seen forty two times. Multiply it. Wu is four hundred and sixty two years old. His father is well over a thousand.

Here's the thing: even if you disregard external accidents and remove illness as a source of death, humans can't live a thousand years. Period. We don't just die from disease, we die because our body simply breaks down. Random mutations render our cells unable to function at previous levels. At least future Trek series introduce technobabble energy fields to explain the lack of disease.

TRACEY: We've got to stay alive. Let the Yangs kill us and destroy what we have to offer and we'll have committed a crime against all humanity. I'd say that's slightly more important than the Prime Directive, wouldn't you, Jim?

There's a reason why the Prime Directive is Prime. It's first. Nothing is more important (ignore the Omega Directive for now; it's irrelevant to this episode).

Also, stop saying "humanity" when you mean "sentient life"! Cue Azetbur again.

TRACEY: You still think the Prime Directive's for this planet?
KIRK: I don't think we have the right or the wisdom to interfere, however a planet is evolving.

So...why do our heroes keep visiting prewarp societies?

MCCOY: Yes. I'm convinced that once there was a frightening biological war that existed here. The virus still exists. Then over the years, nature built up these natural immunising agents in the food, the water, and the soil.
SPOCK: War created an imbalance and nature counterbalanced it.
KIRK: There is a disease here, something that affected the Exeter landing party and us.
MCCOY: That's right. These immunising agents take time, and that's the real tragedy. Had the Exeter landing party stayed here just a few hours longer, they never would have died.
KIRK: Then we can leave any time we want to.

Wait a second, does the environment suppress this thing or kill it? Those aren't the same thing!

TRACEY: Impossible! You can't carry the disease up to the ship with you.
MCCOY: He's fully immunised now. We all are.

You mean "cured", Bones.

KIRK: Living like the Indians, and finally even looking like the American Indian. American. Yangs? Yanks? Spock, Yankees!
SPOCK: Kohms? Communists? The parallel is almost too close, Captain. It would mean they fought the war your Earth avoided, and in this case, the Asiatics won and took over this planet.

So biology, evolution, politics, and history are being misused this week. Ugh.

KIRK: We merely showed them the meaning of what they were fighting for. Liberty and freedom have to be more than just words. Gentlemen, the fighting is over here. I suggest we leave them to discover their history and their liberty.

There's a topical politics joke to be made here, but I won't be doing so.

The Fiver

Spock: Shouldn't we just hail them?
Kirk: Nah. Not with Uhura using up all our hailing minutes.
Uhura: ...so I'm like "totally!" and he's like "cool", and -- did you say something, Captain?

The cell phone joke and the valley girl joke collided a bit too bluntly. Sorry, IJD GAF.

Tracy: This planet is a verifiable fountain of youth! Just ask Wu over there.
Wu: I'm 462 years old.
Tracy: Don't you see? We can market this!
Kirk: You can, but you'll never outsell First Contact.
Tracy: Just for that, you're rooming with that huge barbarian Yang.

Hehe. Metahumor. As I've said before, I prefer Insurrection to First Contact.

Cloud William: Freedom? That's our worship-word! Tell him what he's won, barbarian female lover!
Sirah: Well Cloud, he's the new recipient of a fresh bump on the back of his skull!
(THUNK)
Kirk: ACK!
Cloud William: Later, chumps!

It's amazing how much The Price is Right has infiltrated pop culture. Cloud Williams' last line should've tied in with the game show theme, though.

Yang Forces: Stop fighting and come with us! We tire of your overplayed fight music.
Kirk: Which is that again?
Cloud William: You know, the one that goes "dundun Da Da Da Da--"
Tracy: Arg! Now it's in ALL our heads!

Haha, time to link to the fight music music box (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WKsysvkelxw) again.

Memory Alpha

* The letter-writing campaign to save the show worked so well that this episode had a message included telling the fans that a third season was coming.

[Nate the Great]

March 8th, 1968, "The Ultimate Computer"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=theultimatecomputer)(by Marc)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/53.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Ultimate_Computer_(episode))

Introduction

I know that "the computers are going to take all our jobs!" is a fear that's been around for decades, but it's patently ludicrous. At worst the advancement of technology will shuffle the jobs around to focus more on supporting the computers. You can't just set up a mainframe, plug it in, and let it run without checking to make sure that everything's still okay.

The Episode

KIRK: Yes, Commodore, I'd like an explanation
ENWRIGHT [OC]: The explanation is beaming aboard now, Captain. He may already be in your transporter room.

This idea of postponing the exposition until the last minute so the cast learns at the same time as the audience is lazy screenwriting. That's what Captain's Logs are for, and in this case I would've had Spock's Log to give the bare-bones details, then Kirk's Log for his feelings, then McCoy's Log to give a punchline.

WESLEY: Have you heard of the M-5 multitronic unit?
KIRK: That's Doctor Richard Daystrom's device, isn't it? Tell me about that.
SPOCK: The most ambitious computer complex ever created. Its purpose is to correlate all computer activity aboard a starship, to provide the ultimate in vessel operation and control.
WESLEY: How do you know so much about it, Commander?
SPOCK: I hold an A-7 computer expert classification, Commodore. I'm well acquainted with Doctor Daystrom's theories and discoveries. The basic design of all our ship's computers are Doctor Daystrom's.

"Multitronic" is merely an evolution of the duotronics we've already seen. It won't be heard from again until cameos in Voyager and DS9. It seems that isolinear circuitry surpasses both.

I am confused about Wesley not knowing about Spock's expertise. I would've thought that Spock's achievements would be public knowledge.

KIRK: Twenty? I can't run a starship with twenty crew.
WESLEY: The M-5 can.

Yeah, about that. There are many, many jobs on board a ship that have to be done with actual hands and eyes. And what about away missions? There are going to be times when you need more than twenty people planetside, when you need full security and medical teams available.
DAYSTROM: The M-5 has been perfected, Commander. Its potential is a fact.

How? This is the first time it's been installed on a starship. We're in the middle of proving these assertions!

DAYSTROM: There are other things a man like you might do. Or perhaps you object to the possible loss of prestige and ceremony accorded a starship captain. A computer can do your job and without all that.

Ugh, if all command decisions were made via clinical logic, can you imagine the chaos? (Insert all-Vulcan crew joke here) Furthermore, did Kirk ever seem to want the "celebrity" of being a starship captain any more than Picard did?

MCCOY: We're all sorry for the other guy when he loses his job to a machine. When it comes to your job, that's different. And it always will be different.
KIRK: Am I afraid of losing command to a computer? Daystrom's right. I can do a lot of other things. Am I afraid of losing the prestige and the power that goes with being a starship captain? Is that why I'm fighting it? Am I that petty?
MCCOY: Jim, if you have the awareness to ask yourself that question, you don't need me to answer it for you.

Finally some honest Trek philosophy! Even in otherwise awful episodes you can usually find some good character work.

DAYSTROM: Why were the Captain and the Chief Medical Officer not included in recommendation?
M5: Non-essential personnel.

I question why a doctor shouldn't be sent along; cuts and scrapes will always happen and you never know what will happen. If anything I'd expect M-5 to propose sending M'Benga instead because he has another quality that would fit this mission. And who's going to make command decisions? Is M-5 going to "tag along" via tricorder and communicator on an ongoing basis?

MCCOY: All the Sickbay systems are shut down until such time as the M-5 is informed there are patients to be cared for.

It's not like McCoy does medical research in his spare time or anything.

KIRK: Machine over man, Spock? It was impressive. It might even be practical.
SPOCK: Practical, Captain? Perhaps. But not desirable. Computers make excellent and efficient servants, but I have no wish to serve under them. Captain the starship also runs on loyalty to one man, and nothing can replace it, or him.

Thank you, Spock.

WESLEY [on viewscreen]: Our compliments to the M-5 unit, and regards to Captain Dunsel. Wesley out.
MCCOY: Dunsel? Who the blazes is Captain Dunsel? (everyone else knows) What does it mean, Jim? (Kirk leaves the bridge) Spock? What does it mean?
SPOCK: Dunsel, Doctor, is a term used by midshipmen at Starfleet Academy. It refers to a part which serves no useful purpose.

I thought that "dunsel" existed as a distinct term before this, but apparently Star Trek invented it. Wikitonary (https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/dunsel)says that a few unrelated SF novels have used the term as well, apparently inspired by this episode.

I rather think that the screenwriter meant a "dunce (https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/dunce)". Nowadays we call any idiot a dunce, but in ages past it specifically meant someone rejecting new knowledge. Did the writing staff get the word wrong, or were they trying to futurize it, or what?

KIRK: 20th century Earth. 'All I ask is a tall ship, and a star to steer by (http://famouspoetsandpoems.com/poets/john_masefield/poems/15255)'. You could feel the wind at your back in those days. The sounds of the sea beneath you. And even if you take away the wind and the water, it's still the same. The ship is yours. You can feel her. And the stars are still there, Bones.

It's always nice when Kirk and McCoy get together to share a drink and get philosophical. What a shame that future series never really did this; the closest we get are a few discussions with Guinan. I'm also reminded of Pike and Boyce back in "The Cage."

MCCOY: Your brilliant young computer just destroyed an ore freighter. In fact it went out of its way to destroy an ore freighter!
DAYSTROM: Fortunately it was only a robot ship.
KIRK: But it shouldn't have destroyed anything.

Exactly. My question is: what made M-5 do this, where's the logic? It could scan the ship and see that it posed no threat. It's not like you could use the later excuse of "self-defense is more important than anything else."

As for robot ore ships; I repeat earlier comments that a ship will break down without at least a minimal crew.

KIRK: Force field?
DAYSTROM: It's not my doing, Kirk.
SPOCK: I would say, Captain, that M-5 is not only capable of taking care of this ship, it is also capable of taking care of itself.
KIRK: You mean it's not going to let any of us turn it off.

Did Daystrom give the M-5 the ability to create forcefields? If so, why? If the M-5 is usurping the Enterprise's own forcefield generators, can't our heroes get into the works and turn them off?

KIRK: That wasn't a minor difficulty. That wasn't a robot. That thing murdered one of my crewman and you tell me you can't turn it off?
DAYSTROM: It wasn't a deliberate act. M-5's analysis told it it needed a new power source. The ensign simply got in the way.

Daystrom doesn't care about cold-blooded murder. Confine him to quarters!

MCCOY: Please, Spock, do me a favour and don't say it's fascinating.
SPOCK: No. But it is interesting.
(McCoy rolls his eyes.)

Always loved this exchange.

[Nate the Great]

MCCOY: Have you found a solution, a way to shut that thing off?
DAYSTROM: You don't shut a child off when it makes a mistake. M-5 is growing, learning.
MCCOY: Learning to kill.
DAYSTROM: To defend itself. It's quite a different thing. When a child is taught, it's programmed with simple instructions, and at some point, if its mind develops properly, it exceeds the sum of what it was taught, thinks independently.

Murder is not a "mistake", the M-5 is not a child, there was no need for this thing to be sentient, etc.

DAYSTROM: Yes, quite right, Mister Spock. You see, one of the arguments against computers controlling ships was that they couldn't think like men.
KIRK: Your new approach?
DAYSTROM: Exactly. I've developed a method of impressing human engrams upon the computer circuits. The relays are not unlike the synapse of the brain. M-5 thinks, Captain.

I'm pretty sure making sentient computers would be a violation of some law, at least if you do it without permission from some regulatory body. Then again, Trek does have a history of scientists ignoring the law in the name of progress. It's a shame that Daystrom got an Institute named after him instead of being used as an insult for future insane scientists.

WESLEY [on viewscreen]: Enterprise. Jim. Have you gone mad? What are you trying to prove? Break off the attack! Jim, we have fifty three dead here, twelve on the Excalibur. If you can hear us, stop the attack!

I find it sad that Wesley jumped to "Kirk's gone insane" rather than "the experimental computer has malfunctioned" so fast.

MCCOY: He'll have to be committed to a total rehabilitation centre. Right now he's under sedation and heavy restraints.
SPOCK: I would say his multitronic unit is in approximately the same condition.

We'll come back to the fate of the M-5 later.

The Fiver

Sulu: Now approaching Deep Space Station K-7....
Kirk: Been there, done that.
Sulu: ....or a reasonable facsimile thereof.
Kirk: Okay, fair enough. Put us in orbit.
Sulu: How am I supposed to orbit a space station?
Kirk: Don't ask awkward questions, Mr. Sulu.

Why can't the Enterprise orbit a space station, Marc? Where's the joke here?

Kirk: Is Daystrom really as brilliant as he's reputed to be?
Wesley: We Wesleys can recognize true genius when we see it.

Ha ha. I wonder if Marc was referring to Gene as well as Wesley Crusher.

McCoy: Feeling blue, Jim?
Kirk: Can you tell?
McCoy: Yup. That's why I brought you some blue lemonade.
Kirk: It won't help, Bones.
McCoy: Yes it will. I used frozen Romulan ale for ice cubes.

"Romulan ale? Why Bones, you know this is illegal." "I only use it for medicinal purposes."

Sulu: Sir, there's a DY-100-class vessel just ahead.
Kirk: Oh no! It's Khan's twin brother! M-5, fire phasers!
M-5: Sorry, I don't feel like it.
Kirk: I said fire!
M-5: No way, José.
Kirk: My name is James, not José!
M-5: Who cares? You're obsolete.

Nice double reference. You all remember Jose Tyler (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Jos%C3%A9_Tyler), don't you?

Spock: Our only hope is to somehow talk the M-5 into self-destructing.
Kirk: (cracking his knuckles) Stand back, Spock, and let the master go to work.

Ha ha. Kirk probably has an official license in talking computers to death by now.

Kirk: How's your patient, Bones?
McCoy: I'm afraid that he'll have to be institutionalized.
Spock: Hmm. "Daystrom Institute."

"No, Spock, I was thinking more of the Tantalus Colony. Let a group of stuffy warp field specialists form the Daystrom Institute if they want. Even though Daystrom had nothing to do with warp engines. Yeah, I don't get it either, I'm probably still a little drunk." :D

Memory Alpha

* It's pointed out that the only execution-worthy crime in this era is visiting Tarsus IV, but I'd argue that General Order 7 only applies to Starfleet officers. There's no reason to assume that execution for murderers would still be on the books, especially when "the laws of man and God" are mentioned.
* The fourth episode where Kirk talks a computer to death.

Memory Beta

* I best remember M-5's fate from the novel "Immortal Coil (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Immortal_Coil)", where it ends up on a planet of artificial intelligences, although still disconnected from anything that could hurt it. Data connects it to planetary defenses as a last resort, hoping that the M-5 will defend itself long enough for our heroes to escape. I recommend the book to anyone who wondered about the ultimate fate of all of the artificial intelligences that our heroes keep running into.
Data: I reactivated M-5 and gave it access to the station's defensive systems.
Rhea: You what?
Data: Under the circumstances, it seemed like our best chance to stop the androids.
Rhea: Yeah, not to mention our best chance to get killed in the process. You know that M-5 is crazy, don't you?
Data: Crazy is an imprecise term. It is...single-minded.

YouTube

M-5 destroys an unmanned freighter and defends itself (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buF-BLM5RTU)
M-5 commits mass murder (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZWUa5OR3Ho)
D.C. Fontana discusses the episode (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKowj4t03B4)
Kirk gets philosophical (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eXB1Yj05Fw)

[Nate the Great]

March 15th, 1968, "Bread and Circuses"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=breadandcircuses) (by Derek)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/43.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Bread_and_Circuses_(episode))

The Episode

CHEKOV: Definitely class M, somewhat similar to Earth.
KIRK: Yes, similar. But the land masses and oceans are quite different, however.
SPOCK: Different in shape only, Captain. The proportion of land to water is exactly as on your Earth. Density five point five, diameter seven nine one seven at the equator, atmosphere seventy eight percent nitrogen, twenty one percent oxygen. Again, exactly like Earth.

I think this is supposed to justify the parallel evolution without having a duplicate Earth like other episodes. A valiant attempt, but I prefer the good old-fashioned "this is a necessary hand-wave to tell these stories, if we had the budget we'd use more alien makeup."

SPOCK: Fascinating. This atmosphere is remarkably similar to your twentieth century. Moderately industrialised pollution containing substantial amounts of carbon monoxide and partially consumed hydrocarbons.
MCCOY: The word was smog.
SPOCK: Yes, I believe that was the term. I had no idea you were that much of a historian, Doctor.
MCCOY: I am not, Mister Spock. I was simply trying to stop you from giving us a whole lecture on the subject.

It's a shame we never got this kind of repartee in later series, at least as well-written or of such frequency.

SPOCK: Then the Prime Directive is in full force, Captain?
KIRK: No identification of self or mission. No interference with the social development of said planet.
MCCOY: No references to space, or the fact that there are other worlds, or more advanced civilisations.

For the longest time this was as close to a full description of the Prime Directive as we ever had. The interesting thing is that merely visiting prewarp societies is allowed. No duckblinds, no trained cultural observers, any ordinary Starfleet officer can walk around these planets.

The thing is, if all Starfleet officers (and Federation scientists) take a vow that they're willing to die before breaking the Prime Directive, why are these sorts of missions allowed? At least by people not fully trained for this sort of thing.

MCCOY: One, just once, I'd like to be able to land someplace and say, Behold, I am the Archangel Gabriel.
SPOCK: I fail to see the humour in that situation, Doctor.
MCCOY: Naturally. You could hardly claim to be an angel with those pointed ears, Mister Spock. But say you landed someplace with a pitchfork.

Why wasn't this sort of thing more present in later series?

SPOCK: Complete Earth parallel. The language here is English.

It's rather sad how much this episode tries to defend the parallel development, only for it to completely backfire when the viewer is reminded of all those other episodes where the locals are nothing like Earth humans and yet still speak English. Even if my suspension of disbelieve can accept parallel development of humans, language is another matter. For some reason the writers are choosing to point out plot holes rather than ignoring them and hoping the audience does the same.

FLAVIUS: Who are you?
KIRK: We come from another province.

And again. In this episode our heroes are trying their best to fit in and not violate the Prime Directive, which just brings to mind how often they break it in other episodes.

Captain's log, stardate 4040.7. On the surface of planet four, system eight nine two...

And again. Of course we'd assign numbers to planets that have indigenous populations until we're informed by the locals what they consider the name of their world to be. But then there are all those episodes where we unilaterally give both the planets and the locals names and expect them to go along with it.

Captain's log, stardate 4040.7. (cont.) An amazing example of Hodgkins's law of Parallel Planet Development.

Until a text cameo in an Enterprise episode over thirty years later this will be the only mention of Hodgkin's Law (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Hodgkin%27s_Law_of_Parallel_Planetary_Development) . It won't be mentioned by name again in canon. A shame, as you'd think it'd come up more often.

KIRK: (looking at a car advert) But the Jupiter Eight? Mars toothpaste. Neptune bath salts.
SEPTIMUS: Taken from the names of false gods.

So...the planet evolved to be identical to Earth. The people evolved to be identical to Earth. The language, the inventions, the religions, everything is identical to Earth. Even proper nouns. One wonders what Improbability Factor you'd have to use in the Heart of Gold to create such a planet. Who knows how many whales and bowls of petunias and whales you'd make before this planet happens...

SPOCK: Curious, Captain, the similarity in names. Were you told why Merik was dropped from the Space Academy?
KIRK: He failed a psycho-simulator test. All it takes is a split second of indecision. Hardly the type to become a political strongman.

I wonder if the writers of TNG's "Coming of Age" was referencing this. The weird thing is that "unsuitable for command" is hardly the same as "unsuitable to be a Starfleet officer of any kind." Unless Merik was one of those "if I can't be a captain I don't want anything to do with Starfleet" types.

MCCOY: Odd that these people should worship the sun.
SPOCK: Why, Doctor?
MCCOY: Because, my dear Mister Spock, it is illogical. Rome had no sun worshipers. Why should they parallel Rome in every way except one?

Trillian must've forgotten to carry a one somewhere in her Improbability Drive calculations. Hehe...

SPOCK: Doctor, if I were able to show emotion, your new infatuation with that term would begin to annoy me.
MCCOY: What term? Logic? Medical men are trained in logic, Mister Spock.
SPOCK: Really, Doctor, I had no idea they were trained. Watching you, I assumed it was trial and error.
FLAVIUS: Are they enemies, Captain?
KIRK: I'm not sure they're sure.

Great writing.

KIRK: If I brought down a hundred of them armed with phasers...
CLAUDIUS: you could probably defeat the combined armies of our entire empire, and violate your oath regarding noninterference with other societies. I believe you all swear you'll die before you'd violate that directive. Am I right?
SPOCK: Quite correct.
MCCOY: Must you always be so blasted honest?
CLAUDIUS: But on the other hand, why even bother to send your men down? From what I understand, your vessel could lay waste to the entire surface of the world. Oh, but there's that Prime Directive in the way again. Can't interfere.

Exactly. It does beg the question...what do you do about people who haven't vowed to keep the Prime Directive, but are doing so anyway? Although the easy solution here is to take the cue of "A Piece of the Action" and stun everyone. Take the leaders away to be court-martialed before the rest can wake up.

SCOTT: But they have used the code term Condition Green, which means they're in trouble. But it also prohibits my taking any action.

A good idea, too bad we can start making a list of other episodes where the term should've been used and wasn't...

MCCOY: Well, what I'm trying to say is you saved my life in the arena.
SPOCK: Yes, that's quite true.
MCCOY: I'm trying to thank you, you pointed-eared hobgoblin!
SPOCK: Oh, yes. You humans have that emotional need to express gratitude. You're welcome, I believe, is the correct response. However, Doctor, you must remember I am entirely motivated by logic. The loss of our ship's surgeon, whatever I think of his skill, would mean a reduction in the efficiency of the Enterprise and therefore

I love these two. No matter how much later writers tried to replicate this dynamic, they never pulled it off to the same level of success.

UHURA: I'm afraid you have it all wrong, Mister Spock, all of you. I've been monitoring some of their old-style radio waves, the empire spokesman trying to ridicule their religion. But he couldn't. Don't you understand? It's not the sun up in the sky. It's the Son of God.
KIRK: Caesar and Christ. They had them both. And the word is spreading only now.
MCCOY: A philosophy of total love and total brotherhood.

This Chekov's Gun (insert obvious joke here) was pulled off about as well as could be expected, I suppose.

[Nate the Great]

The Fiver

Kirk: Spock, you beamed us down to the middle of nowhere.
Spock: No, Captain. The middle of nowhere is just over there.
Kirk: Whatever. Just remember, obey the Prime Directive.
McCoy: Do no harm?
Kirk: No, the Prime Directive!
McCoy: Always be prepared?
Kirk: Didn't you watch TNG? It's all they ever talked about!

Nice density of humor, there.

Flavius: We're son worshippers. Remember that. There will be a quiz later.
Kirk: You know, the twist ending loses something when we see it in text.
Flavius: Well, pretend you're reading 'sun' and not 'son' anyway.

I feel that there could've been one more more line, a joke about scripts or somesuch.

Kirk: Well, while we're sitting here in jail, you can tell us more about this weird sun obsession of yours. I don't recall anything like it in our Roman mythology.
Flavius: It's not Roman, it's Jewish. Long ago, the son took on our form and taught us to love one another. However, some people didn't like him calling himself God, so they killed him, but he came back to life, and now we follow him.
Kirk: Still not ringing any bells.

Time for another Hitchhiker's quote. “And then, one Thursday, nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change..."

Claudius Marcus: Welcome to our planet. You must be proud of your friend Merik for finding it.
Kirk: I come to bury Merik, not to praise him.
Marcus: Ah! Now here is an honourable man.
Merik: I'm getting a bad feeling about this. (looks at calendar) Crap! March 15!

I'll just leave this link to the Reduced Shakespeare Company's version of Julius Caesar (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFEHFxYWoFY) here. It's amazing how the episode was first broadcast on March 15th, isn't it? I'm pretty sure that it wasn't intentional.

McCoy: Thanks for saving me, Spock.
Spock: No problem, wimp.
McCoy: I'm sorry for getting into an argument with you earlier.
Spock: Yeah, you are pretty sorry.
McCoy: Hey, I'm trying to be good, but you keep twisting everything I say to be an insult!
Spock: It's not my fault you're so pathetic!
McCoy: Am not!
Spock: Are too....

I'm suddenly imagining a buddy comedy where these two get assigned as college roommates and they have to figure out how to live together before they kill each other. Bones and Pointy Ears, coming this fall!

Drusilla: I wonder, what possible catastrophe came crashing down from heaven and brought this dashing stranger to tears?
Kirk: Nothing. I wish to be alone.
Drusilla: I see you. You're a man surrounded by fools who cannot see his strength, his vision, his glory... That and burning baby fish swimming all round your head.
Kirk: You're not a vampire, are you?
Drusilla: What makes you say that?
Kirk: Nothing.
Drusilla: I'm naming all the stars.
Kirk: You can't see the stars; that's the ceiling. Also, it's day.

That's at least three Buffy jokes crammed into one scene. Yikes. I had to look these up, FYI. I didn't watch Buffy, but the language is so awkward that I knew they had to be a reference to something.

Memory Alpha

* Only TOS episode where the natives are specifically speaking English. Apparently this is only to emphasize the parallel development, but I still say it wasn't worth it because it creates plot holes in other episodes.
* The director blames a tighter shooting schedule for the lower quality. I blame the script.
* The death tolls are actually higher than mentioned.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil brings up the Prime Directive definition, saying that if followed elsewhere they could never bring Spock along since he'd be "an anachronism." An anachronism is something that doesn't belong in the time period that it exists in, it only works if Phil means that Spock belongs on this planet in the future after formal first contact is made. I think Phil meant "an anomaly."
* If Hodkin's Law can create a copy of the Roman Empire, why was the copy of the Nazis in "Patterns of Force" so unbelievable?
* If a split-second of indecision bars a person from command, what about Kirk's moment of indecision facing the vampire cloud in "Obsession"?
* It seems odd that "Condition Green" couldn't be a codephrase to beam the party up, using the subcutaneous transponders if necessary.

[Nate the Great]

March 29th, 1968, "Assignment: Earth"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=assignmentearth) (by IJD GAF)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/55.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Assignment:_Earth_(episode))

PART ONE

Introduction

Okay, let's get this out of the way first: it was wrong for Gene to usurp an entire episode in an effort to get another show to replace TOS just in case it's cancelled. This isn't really a TOS episode, but....

I still enjoy the concept behind Gary Seven's mission (even if it wasn't necessary for generations of his ancestors to be trained and bred for this job), and I do enjoy the expanded universe material concerning his mission.

The Episode

SPOCK: It appears we have accidentally intercepted someone's transporter beam, Captain.

Ugh. This isn't Stargate where one set of transport rings can intercept a signal sent by another. Gary's transporter technology would have nothing in common with our heroes'.

SPOCK: The beam is originating at least one thousand light years away.
SCOTT: No transporter beam can reach that far, not even in our century.

One wonders if the Aegis (I'll come back to this) have mastered the subspace transporter technology that Bok will use a hundred years later.

KIRK: This is the United Spaceship Enterprise. I'm Captain Kirk, commanding.
SEVEN: (to the cat) Yes, I heard him, Isis. We're aboard a space vessel. From what planet?

This statement is painful given what is later done with Seven, when his transporter can go through time and the Beta 5 computer can scan all of history. Again, I'll come back to this.

SEVEN: That's impossible. In this time period, there weren't (notices Spock) Humans with a Vulcan? You're from the future, Captain.

Yes, exactly. He knows roughly when humans and Vulcans will man starships together, but he doesn't know what 23rd-century Starfleet uniforms look like?

SEVEN: I've been living on another planet far more advanced. I was beaming to Earth when you intercepted me.
KIRK: The location of that planet?
SEVEN: They wish their existence kept secret. Even in your time, it will remain unknown.
SCOTT: It's impossible to hide a whole planet.
SEVEN: Impossible for you, not for them.

Since when does "unknown" automatically mean "hidden"? By the by, cloaking entire planets is patently ridiculous even if Star Trek will keep doing it. You can't cloak gravity wells...

SEVEN: This is the most critical period in Earth's history. The planet I'm from wants to help Earth survive.

Okay, the Aegis doesn't have a Prime Directive, fair enough. We could have such discussions about what ten-year period is most critical to humanity's survival, and why Hitler wasn't assassinated by Aegis agents.

(Seven attacks the security men. Spock neck-pinches him but is thrown off.)

Here we go. How much would a human beings' biology have to be altered to make them immune to nerve pinches? You'd have to redesign our nervous systems from the ground up to make sure that a sufficient number of critical nerves aren't present in the same place...

Captain's log, supplemental. A man in a twentieth century business suit. What is he? Not even Spock's Vulcan neck pinch could stop him. Without our phasers, he would have over powered all five of us. I find it difficult to believe the mysterious Mister Seven can be human, and yet, suppose he is?

This is interesting: is Gary's species the most important thing right now? Isn't his motives and intended actions a bit more important right now?

KIRK: What do you make of the cat, Mister Spock?
SPOCK: Quite a lovely animal, Captain. I find myself strangely drawn to it.

Spock's a big softie. First tribbles and now this. Plus his pet sehlat I'Chaya...

KIRK: This is the captain. All science, engineering, and supervisory personnel, lock into the briefing room.

So the vast majority of the crew has to participate in a videoconference? Why? I know that e-mail and instant messaging didn't exist yet, but the command structure exists for a reason. Furthermore, this "everyone takes part in the briefing" thing never happens again (unless you want to include STTMP, which still confuses me).

(Seven tests the forcefield blocking the doorway. Then, behind the guard's back, he takes a pen from his pocket and turns it into a device that shuts the forcefield off. He also uses it to stop the guard from shooting him.)
SEVEN: You're tired. Go to sleep.
(The guard slides down the wall with a grin on his face as Seven makes his escape.)

The simularity between Seven's servo and the Doctor's sonic screwdriver is obvious, but I'd argue that a miraculous bit of handheld tech would for practicality be in something akin to a pen-shape. Besides, if the Doctor Who Wiki is to be believed, the sonic screwdriver first made an appearance in "Fury From the Deep", which first aired around this same time...in England. The show wouldn't air in the US until 1972, and it wouldn't succeed until 1978. The first draft of the script appeared the prior December, so I call this parallel development.

MCCOY: Well, I must admit the sensor readings seem too good. Human readings, yes, but not a single physical flaw. Totally perfect body.

I admit that comparisons to Khan are obvious, but we don't have the space to talk about that here.

(A display case full of glasses splits in two, revealing a massive safe door behind it. The locking wheel turns, the safe door opens and Gary Seven carrying Isis the cat walks out of a fog into the main room. The safe door shuts itself behind him and is hidden again behind the shelves of glasses.)

If Gary has remote access to his transporter (via his servo, presumably), why did he need to use the Enterprise's transporters?

SEVEN: Specify locations of agents two oh one and three four seven.
COMPUTER: Identify self.
SEVEN: Simply check my voice pattern. You'll find me listed as Supervisor one nine four. Code name Gary Seven.
COMPUTER: Voice pattern matches, but I have no listing of a Gary Seven assigned this planet.

So...Gary was able to use his servo to link to the Beta Five to link the transporters before the computer accepted that he was an authorized user? If only he just used the Enterprise transporters to beam into his living room, then activated the Beta Five!

SEVEN: All right. Agents are male and female, descendants of human ancestors taken from Earth approximately six thousand years ago. They're the product of generations of training for this mission.

So six thousand years of humans (that's hundreds of generations!) were trained just so a handful of their decedents could do this job? Talk about useless college degrees...

SEVEN: Problem. Earth technology and science have progressed faster than political and social knowledge. Purpose of mission. To prevent Earth's civilisation from destroying itself before it can mature into a peaceful society.

So...why were agents sent now, in the sixties, instead of during World War II?

SEVEN: Where have you been?
ROBERTA: Oh, the subway got stalled
SEVEN: Where have you been for the past three days?

Wait...the Beta 5 doesn't have pictures of Agents 201 and 347 for Gary to look at? You'd think it could scan for Aegis-altered people, there can't be too many genetically perfect people walking around the city (I don't think that Khan and his fellow genetically-superior followers (I refuse to call them Augments) are walking around at the moment (later novels will place his birth in 1970)).

COMPUTER: Occurrence, automobile accident. Location Highway nine four nine, ten miles north of McKinley Rocket Base. Agents three four seven and two oh one were killed instantly.

Of course there is no McKinley Rocket Base, even if some of the stock footage is of Kennedy Space Center. There are multiple Highway 949s, but all are very short. One wonders why they couldn't just call it the Kennedy Space Center and use the nearby Highway 95.

(Kirk, Spock and the two policemen are beamed up. Kirk and Spock dash off the transporter pad leaving the flat-foots standing, slack-jawed.)
KIRK: Reverse and energise.
POLICE 1: Charlie.
(They are beamed back into the apartment, watched by Roberta.)

So...you're not going to wipe their memory or even turn off the lights in the transporter room to minimize the contamination? No wonder Temporal Investigations considers this guy a menace...

SEVEN: Meow? You are nervous, aren't you, doll?

"Doll"? How did Dixon Hill wander onto the set? Seriously though, this kind of characterization is nice if it wasn't making cameos of our cast. There has to have been a better balance possible between the Assignment: Earth stuff and the Star Trek stuff.

ROBERTA: (pointing the pen at Kirk) Listen you, get away from him.

Since when are you on Gary's side, Roberta? It's not like there weren't other scenes that could've been cut to better develop your character!

SPOCK: Captain, we could say that Mister Seven and Miss Lincoln have some interesting experiences in store for them.
KIRK: Yes, I think we could say that. Two to beam up, Scotty.

Too bad they'll be limited to novels and comic books...

[Nate the Great]

PART TWO

The Fiver

Captain's Log: We've traveled back in time somehow to solve the age-old historical question, "How did mankind survive the 60s?"

Easy: the three B's: Batman, the Beatles, and James Bond. We had to survive as a species lest these cultural icons vanish into the void.

Spock: Jim, why did you have to fall asleep in the middle of the mission drawing?
Kirk: I was tired! I had a... busy night.
Spock: (sigh) We could've been sent to figure out the mystery of the pyramids! Or the strange disappearance of the Roanoke colony!
Kirk: I'm sorry! All right?
Spock: Jeez, we didn't even get picked for "Who was buried in Grant's Tomb?"!

Or discovering that Amelia Earhart was abducted by aliens! Or that a bunch of dinosaurs built starships millions of years ago! Or the fact that the only reason the Native Americans survived is because "Sky Spirits" evolved them!

Scotty: (over the comm) You won't believe this, but somebody has activated the transporter and Gary has escaped!
Kirk: Egad! Well, it could only be one man... Spock, have Chekov put in the booth. Maximum setting.

"I know I stole those Agony Booth plans from the other universe for a reason..."

Beta-5: Agents 201 and 347 seem to have disappeared. Looks like you'll have to do their mission for them.
Gary Seven: And what mission is that?
Beta-5: Oh, just set some rocket to malfunction before it launches an hour from now.
Gary Seven: Shouldn't be too difficult as long as there aren't any distractions.
Roberta Lincoln: Hello!

You walked right into that one, Gary...

Gary Seven: Which agent are you, 201 or 347?
Roberta: I'm not agent, I'm caucagent!
Gary Seven: That's not even remotely funny.

If that's an Asian/Caucasian joke, Gary's right.


Spock: Look, Agent Seven was in possession of blueprints for McKinley Rocket Base.
Scotty: (over the comm) You mean Kennedy Space Center?
Spock: Desilu doesn't have the rights to that president yet, so they went with the guy who was assassinated before him.

Gulf and Western (through Paramount) owned TOS by now, and this was the last episode with Desilu in the credits.

Security Guard: You look suspicious. I'll have to see some ID.
Gary Seven: How's this?
Guard: (reading) Want to know how to keep an idiot busy for hours? Read the other side to find out. (flips card)
Gary Seven: If you need me, I'll be sneaking onto the launch pad.
Guard: Okay. (flips card again)

That's funny.

Gary Seven: Thank you. Now, all I have to do is set the rocket to malfunction over Asia, and then --
Roberta: What?
Gary Seven: Don't try to stop me. The rocket has already launched.
Roberta: No, seriously. I just wanted to know what you were going to say next.

Hopefully it was going to be a Princess Bride joke.

(Gary Seven causes the rocket to detonate 104 miles from the surface)
Everyone but Spock: Hooray!
Spock: Miles?

Obligatory chance for an O'Brien joke aside, it's hardly weird for TOS to use the Imperial system, so where did Spock's confusion come from?

Memory Alpha

* Only appearance of routine time travel in TOS. I wonder why Gary couldn't have been in a ship going back to the 20th century, and accidentally dragged the Enterprise with it. Then the rest of the Enterprise crew could've worried about getting home before Gary fixed it at the end with a time tow.
* The episode mentions that an important assassination will happen today. Six days after the original airdate Martin Luther King, Jr. will be killed. Ouch.
* First episode to have no scenes set in the future.
* Only appearance of Federation transporters intercepting an alien beam. Ahem.

Memory Beta

* The Aegis=Gary's alien sponsors. Their transporters have incredible range, both in space and time. They've trained operatives for many societies through time that need a little help to survive their most turbulent eras.
Here we go. A list of Gary Seven media is here, but I'll only comment on the stuff that I've actually read...

* Assignment: Eternity=A Tal Shiar agent kills Gary's 24th-century Romulan counterpart Septos and hijacks his Beta Seven computer (you need a more advanced computer to monitor an entire empire, you know) to to back in time and kill Spock at Khitomer, preventing his reunification movement and rewriting history to make the Romulan Empire dominant. Gary and Roberta must ask Captain Kirk (a TOS-era Kirk soon after Assignment: Earth, FYI) for help to prevent this. A fun book, especially when Roberta hijacks the Enterprise!

* The Eugenics Wars=Gary discovers the Chrysalis Project that created Khan's people and fails to guide Khan to a more peaceful destiny. Watch out for cameos from just about every twentieth-century character who ever appeared in Trek, from Guinan and Shannon O'Donnel to the people in The Voyage Home and Future's End. Attempts are made to hide not only the Eugenics Wars within known history but explain how the Bottany Bay was created from the advanced tech left behind in the time period by other Trek adventures.

* The John Bryne Assignment: Earth comics=Slightly less dependent on encyclopedic knowledge of Trekdom than other entries (this is a comic book, after all), there's still plenty of weirdness to be found. See Roberta as a hippie and Richard Nixon come face-to-face with a Soviet impostor!

External Assignment: Earth Site

A compilation of the scripts and series proposals. (http://www.assignmentearth.ca/)

Nitpicker's Guide

* How can Spock use the ship's records to confirm or deny Gary's intentions? Anything Gary does will appear on the records instantly, it's not like the Guardian of Forever is around to bend the laws of time.
* Why is there a typewriter that can transcribe speech? Can't the Beta Five do this sort of thing automatically?

YouTube

* Spock likes to pet Isis. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPykf0Tree8)
* The ending (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sg6Tn54R2Fc) including a transforming Isis and the transcribing typewriter.

[Nate the Great]

Here we go again...

September 20th, 1968, "Spock's Brain"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=spocksbrain) (by Zeke)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/61.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Spock%27s_Brain_(episode))

The Episode

Let's get this out of the way up front: the whole brain transplant idea is ludicrous, top to bottom. I'll try to limit my snarking of this premise.

CHEKOV: The one on the left, number three, rates letter B on the industrial scale.

This whole letter system is just weird. It generates plot holes that will never be filled, and is utterly unnecessary. Just jump right to the Earth equivalent (and as SFDebris said, the later mention of an equivalent year not divisible by 100 is silly).

Plus the letter system will only be mentioned here, and in "Wink of an Eye" an alternate number system will be used. Silly silly. Just stick to "primitive, preindustrial, etc."

SULU: But that ship, Captain, either it was many years ahead of us or the most incredible design fluke in history.

Ugh. The components of the space shuttle were the result of decades if not centuries of cumulative industrial development. You can't just toss a bunch of parts together randomly to make a spaceship if your civilization isn't even advanced enough to make the parts!

KIRK: Who are the Others?
MORG: Givers of pain and delight.

We'll come back to this.

SPOCK [OC]: Captain, there is a definite pleasurable experience connected with the hearing of your voice.

This seems stilted and awkward, even for Spock. It seems stilted and awkward by Data standards!

KIRK: They were smart enough to invent these training devices. What a way to maintain control over a man.
SCOTT: Pain and delight, he said up above.
MCCOY: I'm sure you noticed the delight aspect of this place.
KIRK: Yes, I certainly did notice those delightful aspects. But that too was strictly under command of the women.

So the women enslave the men for physical labor (and possibly the Controller does some backroom genetic extraction to create children in Borg-style maturation chambers), fair enough. But what "delight"? It doesn't seem like "sex" is a concept that either group is aware of, and you have to be taught about physical attraction.

SPOCK [OC]: Captain, I appreciate the risks you are taking on my behalf, but I must insist they are worthwhile only if there is a reasonable chance for success. Let me ask you, how much time has elapsed since--
KIRK: Eighteen hours and twelve minutes.
SPOCK [OC]: Doctor McCoy must've told you that twenty four hours is the maximum my body can
MCCOY: I told him.
KIRK: That leaves us exactly five hours and forty eight minutes, Spock.

Ugh. I doubt that anyone has ever extracted a Vulcan brain to see how long the body can last on life support before dying to create numbers this precise. And it's not like we need hard numbers here...

SPOCK [OC]: She refers to the tape storehouse of knowledge of the builders of this place.

How charming, they still use memory tapes. I know, '60s, but it would be so easy to leave it at "databank"...

MCCOY: I knew it was wrong. I shouldn't have done it.
KIRK: What's that?
MCCOY: I should have never reconnected his mouth.

Ha ha.

Memory Alpha

* The only episode besides "The Cage" where a character walks in front of the viewscreen as it shows a moving starfield. I wonder why they bothered to spend that kind of money on something that's pretty inconsequential. Personally I would've spent more money polishing up the script or at least putting more buttons on Spock's remote control...
* The only time Sulu makes a log entry while in command. Given how often he was left behind on the ship, one wonders why it didn't happen more often. "The captain's place is on the bridge" hasn't been invented yet.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil wonders how children are created and whether or not the boys are banished to the surface.
* When McCoy starts to forget, couldn't another member of the landing party use the Teacher and take over?

YouTube

"Spock's Brain" in four minutes (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zKDQfVbWqc)

[Nate the Great]

PART TWO

The Fiver

Spock: I would say so. Can you believe it's using an ion propulsion drive? The Federation has never managed that.
Kirk: What about Deep Space 1?
Chekov: Isn't that a space station?

Memory Alpha has no record of a "Deep Space 1." Three, four, five, seven, and of course nine, but not one. Memory Beta says that Deep Space 1 was a starbase that was destroyed during the Tomed Incident (and only in an RPG game book), but there's no mention of an ion propulsion drive. In canon the Ares IV used an ion drive, but again, that's the future. To sum up, I don't get this joke.

Sulu: Oof. Did anyone get the number of that wessel?

Zeke, is that a typo or did you intend that Chekov say this line?

Luma: In the name of Sigma Draconis 6 I will right wrongs and triumph over evil -- and that means you!

Kind of a stretch for a Sailor Moon joke, but okay.

Captain's Log: My team and I have been captured by... wait, how can I possibly be recording a log right now?

This happens so often that it's almost not worth turning into a joke. Almost.

Kara: Back again? Do you enjoy the pain?
Kirk: Not really, but I wouldn't be the first Enterprise captain to YYYEEEEEAGH!

Zeke, I get that there's supposed to be a joke here, probably either about Archer or Pike, but I can't quite figure it out.

Captain's Log: Dr. McCoy has used the Teacher and is now attempting to re-enbrain Spock. The danger to both is great, but he insisted. Gave me some ludicrous speech about risk being our business.

"Re-enbrain"? If you were going to insult the "Risk is our business" speech, you should've tossed in a "I'll have to remember it to throw right back at him someday."

Kirk: (Damn.) Yes, my world has many success stories I can teach you. I think you in particular, Kara, would be a super girl to start running a coffee franchise...

Again, there's a joke here that I don't get.

Scotty: Captain, isn't this sort of the exact opposite of the Prime Directive?
Kirk: It's superceded in this case by an even higher law taught to every captain: the Omega Glory Directive. "If the episode is bad enough, just get it over with by any means necessary."

Oh, the list we could make of episodes where this applies...

McCoy: Wait. Wait! I can't do this!
Kirk: Sure you can! You have before, remember? The neural clone operation? Your job with the Initiative?

The neural clone thing seems to be a Farscape joke, but I don't know what that has to do with McCoy. "Initiative" eludes me.

Captain's Log, Supplemental: Our last chance is to reconnect Spock's -- okay, seriously, HOW am I recording these logs?

At this point? You probably found a recording device somewhere around the Controller. Even so, this isn't a joke that's strong enough to double-dip in the same fiver...

McCoy: I did NOT have any parts left over and I am insulted by the suggestion!
Spock: You mistake my reaction for concern. Quite the contrary. Should I ever make a serious error, you have supplied me with a prime excuse.

"Prime excuse." I want to call this a Star Trek XI joke...

Kirk: Well, that's that. Let's head home.
McCoy: Ugh. Anyone else feel like their very DNA is missing some important gene?
Scotty: Aye, you can say that again. We've had ridiculous missions before, but this one set a new threshold.
Kirk: Oh, have a little spirit, folks. We can't go on missions full of scientific fascination and moral shades of grey all the time. We're bound to get a few like this.
Spock: If I understand correctly, Jim, you are advising us in such situations to simply turn off our --
Kirk: Do NOT say it.

Talk about injoke density. Bravo, Zeke.

[Nate the Great]

Awhile back I covered some of the early drafts of the opening monologue. Today Linkara reviewed the first Star Trek comic ever (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEzzpQU4zaM), which had the opening as follows:


This is the Enterprise, a ship of the Star Fleet. Its five-year mission in space: to probe the far reaches of the galaxy, to search the unknown and unlock its mysteries, to boldly go where no man has gone before!


I don't like this idea that the galaxy is traverseable in a reasonable amount of time, but there are still planets that haven't been visited yet. I guess we're treating certain areas of the galaxy the same as the rain forests of South America and Africa: maybe the coasts are known but the interior isn't.

[Nate the Great]

September 27th, 1968, "The Enterprise Incident"

PART ONE

Fiver (by IJD GAF)
(http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=theenterpriseincident)Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/59.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Enterprise_Incident_(episode))

Prelude: I hate saying "Female Romulan Commander", so I'll be calling her "Liviana Charvanek (http://memory-beta.wikia.com/wiki/Liviana_Charvanek)", even if it's noncanon. Props for Vulcan's Heart and the Vulcan's Soul trilogy, by the way.

The Episode

Key points:
* If McCoy wasn't in on the plan and Kirk was acting irrationally for weeks, Bones should've ordered a mental evaluation by now.
* The level of Romulan knowledge of Starfleet ships and crews varies throughout the episode. This irks me.
* Dialogue indicates that the Romulans have recently developed a better cloak. If the indication is that it gets rid of the motion-sensor weakness from "Balance of Terror", they could've made that clearer and not ignore the previous episode entirely.
* Multiple uses of "starship" as an equivalent for "Constitution-class cruiser." Grrr...
* Charvanek goes gaga over Spock a little too easily, especially if she's supposed to be the Romulan Kirk, the best captain in the fleet.

SCOTT: That's a Klingon ship! But it couldn't be, not in this area.
SPOCK: Intelligence reports Romulans now using Klingon design.

Fanon holds that during this temporary Klingon-Romulan alliance the Klingons traded their ship designs for Romulan cloaking devices. I'm not sure this was an even exchange. You can't help but feel that the Klingons got the better part of this bargain.

TAL [on viewscreen]: The subspace message will take three weeks to reach Starfleet.

Cue old handwringing about varying subspace speeds. It annoys me every time, especially when "three weeks" isn't necessary. Three days would be adequate to ensure that no rescue will come in time.

KIRK: We were not spying, Commander.

Actually, he wasn't! The Enterprise was barely in Romulan space when they got caught, and Kirk never even had the chance to order sensor scans of anything!

SPOCK: You're being clever, Commander. That is unworthy of a Romulan.

This sounds like '60s values bleeding in again. Is that crack supposed to be anti-Russian or anti-Chinese?

COMMANDER: There are Romulan methods completely effective against humans and human weaknesses.
SPOCK: You would not resort to them, Commander. They would prove ineffective against the captain.

So the Klingon mind-sifter is BETTER than the Romulan equivalent? I find that hard to believe...

COMMANDER: You are a superior being. Why do you not command?
SPOCK: I do not desire a ship of my own.
COMMANDER: Or is it that no one has offered you, a Vulcan, that opportunity?

Has Spock been offered a command? I get that this is part of the ruse, and he's probably lying as part of the mission, but think about it. We must also spare a moment for Charvanek's implied accusation of racism against Starfleet (cue Azetbur quote!).

[Nate the Great]

COMMANDER: Mister Spock. That corridor is forbidden to all but loyal Romulans.
SPOCK: Of course. I shall obey your restrictions.



Oops. If she had just said that he accidentally took a wrong turn, we'd have a problem since our heroes would never find the cloaking device. Which brings up the question of how our heroes intended to find the thing in the first place.


COMMANDER: I've had special Vulcan dishes prepared for you. I hope they're to your liking.
SPOCK: I am very flattered, Commander. There's no doubt that the cuisine aboard your vessel is far superior to that of the Enterprise.



Spock? Very flattered? I know he's under orders to lie, but that's still laying it on a bit thick, right?



SPOCK: An hour from now will do even better. Would it not, Commander?
COMMANDER: Yes. Yes, it will, Mister Spock. You do know I have a first name.



This doesn't make sense because the viewers don't know her last name yet!



COMMANDER: The Federation. And what did you want?
SPOCK: It was my only interest when I boarded your vessel.
COMMANDER: And that's exactly all you came away with.
SPOCK: You underestimate yourself, Commander.



Yikes. For Spock, that's about the biggest admission of attraction he's made while not under the influence of spores or polywater or pon farr...



Memory Alpha

* Just like in "Journey to Babel" we see the Vulcan hand-touching kiss equivalent. Memory Alpha indicates that this is the first time we saw it, however, which is sorta true. "Journey to Babel" only featured the first two fingers, probably more of a peck on the cheek. This episode had full-blown Vulcan salute rubbing, probably closer to a French kiss. Very racy by Spock standards.
* So the studio wanted to get their money's worth from the Klingon ship model. What about the Romulan ship model? Didn't they want to get their money's worth from that?
* Fontana agrees that there were a lot of out-of-character moments in this episode.


Nitpicker's Guide

Phil has fun pointing out that it’s silly for the Romulans to be smug about identifying the Enterprise, saying “Big deal. So they can read. It says ‘USS Enterprise’ right on the saucer.” Which is absurd, nobody can read the words on a ship unless they’re in a shuttle or something and only a few hundred meters away. The Romulans can ID the Enterprise is because they’ve figured out how to interpret the ship’s transponder signal.
Regarding the Vulcan Death Grip, Phil brings up the tal-shaya, the Vulcan method of breaking necks mentioned in Journey to Babel. This is a good point.

If the Romulans let women be captains and the Federation doesn’t, why do the Romulans also force their women to wear miniskirts?



YouTube

The Vulcan Death Grip in action (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAR8xdnnS3Q)
Kirk steals the cloaking device, and Charvanek is not happy (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITjPZaVBb8I)

[Nate the Great]

The Fiver

Commander: Join me, and together we can rule the galaxy as father and son!
Spock: That doesn't even make sense! Geez, if you're going to reference Star Wars, at least pick something that works in context! For example, I love you.
Commander: I know.
Spock: Much better.

I have a bad feeling about this...

Commander: Now remember, Spock, while we're walking through the halls we keep our hands to ourselves and make sure not to touch any candy, magazines, or cloaking devices.
Spock: Yes, my lord.

My "lord"? It should either be "my lady", or else "Yes, mother!" and then a joke about how whipped he was as a kid or something...

Spock: No, I'll kill you with my Vulcan death grip.
Kirk: GAK!

I wish we'd standardized Gak! for death and Ack! for fake death...

Kirk: We're running out of episode time. Just beam me over there.
Scotty: But that's stupid, you'll get caught.
Kirk: Me, caught? Hahahahaha! Good one.

Yeah, good one! "That's as likely as my shirt getting ripped in a fight!"

Commander: With all this flirting and all, let me tell you my first name. It's (mumbles something in Spock's ear).
Spock: Leia? No wonder....

Odd place for a Star Wars reference, and that kind of pun/quip is out of character for Spock, even by fiver standards.

Kirk: Now, to replace the cloaking device with a bag of sand! I'll be sure to place the sand on the pedestal just as I remove the device. Slowly, sloowwwly... there!

Odd place for an Indiana Jones joke. A more generic heist movie joke would've fit better.

Guard: The cloaking device is gone!
Commander: How could you? We could've ruled hand in hand!
Spock: I'll never join you.
(SMACK)
Spock: Darth Vader wouldn't have slapped me...

Some pop culture references mesh together well in fiver form. This time I think we've got more of a car crash. A Q-Less joke probably would've fit better here. "You slapped me! X wouldn't have slapped me..."

Commander: Spock! Take off my mask, so that I can see you with my own eyes!
Spock: There you go again with those movie references that don't work.

At least the fiver is self-aware...

[Nate the Great]

I'm sorry if the Enterprise Incident coverage seemed overly negative. It's actually one of the better Season Three episodes, I just hated how much the situation with the Romulans has changed since "Balance of Terror", in ways that would've been very interesting to see onscreen. There are so many potential episodes that could've been made but weren't. Making a second, better Romulan ship model would've been more cost effective if they had been used more often. Was the Klingon makeup that much cheaper? That's why most Romulans had helmets, you only need to add ears to the leaders.

[Nate the Great]

Let's look at all of the Klingon episodes and see which ones would've worked with the Romulans as villains:


Errand of Mercy: Not a chance. If the object is to use Organia as a beachhead for the war, the Romulans would just eradicate the local population. In general I don't see the Romulans as the kind to take over the government. They'd just impose tributes, maybe even just set up a garrison where there aren't any Organians and avoid the hassle.



Friday's Child: Probably not. They're too sneaky for something this overt.



The Trouble with Tribbles: No way. Romulan mentalities wouldn't fit the plot, and I don't see them doing something as crude as a bar fight. Instead they'd attempt to fan the flames of the Kirk/Barris feud.


A Private Little War: I guess. However, if I were the Romulans in this situation I'd pose as Vulcans to sabotage Federation efforts. Not just introduce guns under the guise of natural development, but sow distrust of our heroes by posing as Enterprise crewman.


Elaan of Troyius: The script would need a major rewrite, but I think it's possible.



Day of the Dove: I guess. The big difference would be that I think the Romulans would eventually see the logic in stopping the fight rather than letting blind pride ("We need no urging to hate humans!") make the decision.


The Savage Curtain: No way. Colonel Green already had the sneaky, methodical villain slot covered. A Romulan would be redundant, although I do wonder what the Romulan equivalent of Khan, Green, etc. would be like.


As an afterward, the Romulans could've easily replaced the Orions in "Journey to Babel." Maybe have the assassin pose as Sarek's assistant. It's not like Vulcan makeup is any more expensive than Andorian makeup!

[Nate the Great]

October 4th, 1968, "The Paradise Syndrome"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=theparadisesyndrome) (by Kristina)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/58.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Paradise_Syndrome_(episode))


I'm going to sound negative, but let me say that this is another episode that has good character work and works more or less okay if you take it in isolation from all other episodes. It's a shame that there are so many episodes in TOS that only work if you do this, particularly where the Prime Directive is concerned.



The Episode

Key points:
* Why is the Enterprise saving a prewarp society? That seems like anti-Prime Directive behavior, especially given events from "Pen Pals" and "Homeward."
* Why is our crew here when there's such a slim safety margin before they have to go off and divert the asteroid?
* Even if the Preservers seeded all these planets with humanoid species, did they really transplant similar plant species as well?
* Kirk suddenly wanting a simpler life is just silly. He had to actively choose this life many many times until now. How many girlfriends has he had that he could've married?

SPOCK: An alien metal of some kind. An alloy resistant to probe. Readings can't even measure its age accurately.

Thank you! For once the writers remembered that it's enough to say that an object is hard to scan. You don't have to keep claiming miraculous properties when it's not required.

SPOCK: Doctor, that asteroid is almost as large as your Earth's moon.

The largest asteroid on record is Ceres, which is nowhere near the size of Luna. The asteroid that killed the dinosaurs was less than 10 miles across. Yet another example of the writers not doing their research and throwing impossible numbers around to impress the ignorant viewer.

MCCOY: Back to that planet? Without warp speed, it'll take months, Spock.
SPOCK: Exactly fifty nine point two two three days, Doctor, and that asteroid will be four hours behind us all the way.

So you're telling me that not one Starfleet or Earth ship can get here in less than two months? Not one?

SPOCK: The obelisk is a marker, just as I thought. It was left by a super-race known as the Preservers. They passed through the galaxy rescuing primitive cultures which were in danger of extinction and seeding them, so to speak, where they could live and grow.
MCCOY: I've always wondered why there were so many humanoids scattered through the galaxy.
SPOCK: So have I. Apparently the Preservers account for a number of them.

It seems odd that the Preservers would put their mission statement on their technology.

The Fiver

Kirk: We should alert them. Hey, here's an ancient instrument -- Mr. Tambourine Man!
McCoy: Hold the singing, Jim, and let's go look at the obelisk again.

Time to inflict Shatner's singing (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJrIluya10Y) on you.

McCoy: Warp out of orbit? With the Captain still missing?
Spock: If we can deflect the asteroid from far away, we won't need to use the Force.
McCoy: But the captain is missing! Do we consult a spirit guide or what?
Spock: I am certain Mr Scott will be happy to talk about whisky once our mission is accomplished.

I get the chain of humor here, but the shift changes are a bit abrupt. Cue transmission joke. Don't get me wrong, there's solid writing elsewhere in the fiver.

Memory Alpha

* TOS episode that covers the longest time period.
* In the remastered version phasers were replaced with a beam from the deflector dish, similar to instances in TNG.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil is also confused about the basic mission; especially given that it's likely that another asteroid will impact the planet eventually. Is Starfleet going to send a ship every time one is heading for the planet?
* Whether or not parallel development is to be expected keeps changing from episode to episode. Wasn't Hodgkin's Law specifically invented so they don't have to waste time with this stuff?
* Phil wonders how they'll fix the warp drive without access to a starbase. I'd say that another ship could tow them, but then I'd have to ask why the script couldn't just say that the next ship won't get here in time.

[Nate the Great]

October 11th, 1968, "And the Children Shall Lead"


Oh, this is gonna hurt...


Fiver (http://fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=andthechildrenshalllead)(by Derek)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/60.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/And_the_Children_Shall_Lead_(episode))


The Episode

SFDebris did this one better than I ever could, but highlights...
* First Kirk calls it a scientific colony, then suddenly it's an exploration party. Those aren't the same thing, especially when you consider that later Kirk specifically says that this was a long-term thing, hence the children being brought along. I suppose this was another example of "it's the last season and the editors were asleep on the job again."

* None of the children are hungry or dirty? This is a recurring problem in fiction when the people responsible for maintaining support systems disappear or dies. Are you going to tell me that Gorgon can maintain all of them for days?

* Furthermore, if the idea is to get transport to another planet to get more followers, why wouldn't Gorgon tell them to act sad about their parents so our heroes won't create delays?
* When Bones can't find a physical or medical explanation for the children's behavior, he gives up. I don't like this; they've met more than their share of aliens that can affect people's actions.
* Beaming the two guys into space is horrifying, I wish there had been more followup.

* I wish that Gorgon's powers had been more codified. Is it simply casting illusions (affecting the senses), or can he outright hypnotize and control people? If the former, there are things that happen that counter that. If the latter, why does he need the kids anyway?


The Fiver

Kirk: And stay away from that cave. What's with that, anyway?
Tommy: This cave... is strong with the dark side of the force. A domain of evil it is. In you must go.


Nice gag, although I thought that you capitalize "Force" in this context.


Spock: You don't seem all right, Jim. You're acting hammier than usual.


And things must be really bad for that to be noticeable! ;)


Kirk: You know Tommy, you remind me a lot of my nephew.
Tommy: I don't care.


I never knew they were the same actor. The more you know...


Gorgan: Hello children. It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, isn't it? Today, we will learn about commandeering. Can you say "commandeer"?


I thought that the Mr. Rogers "can you say X" thing was a myth, but apparently he used it at least twice.


Memory Alpha

* There's debate (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Talk:Chocolate_wobble) on what sort of flavor "chocolate wobble" is. Putting aside the obvious options like "it's an alien flavor" or "the child actor flubbed the line", other opinions go from "secondary alcohol flavor" (you wobble when drunk) to the ice cream incorporates some wobbly gelatin (ugh) to there's a wobbly swirl of another flavor. I'll stick with "the child actor flubbed the line, and the director didn't feel it was important enough to reshoot." In any event, mixing chocolate ice cream and pistachio ice cream doesn't sound very good.

* Somehow Kirk knew Gorgon's name without being told it. In a previous version of the script he had been told it, but this is another example of the editors being asleep on the job, I guess...
* The editors posit that maybe Uhura's mirror appeared out of nowhere because it, too, was an illusion. Fair enough, and I guess seeing a mirage of herself as an old hag would've been too expensive.
* Only appearance of the red UFP pennant flag.
* Gorgan's appearance in the "Q Continuum" trilogy of novels is pointed out.


Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil says that even if the mirror is an illusion, it was at Uhura's station before the children start pumping their fists to summon Gorgon's power. Oops...
* In "The City on the Edge of Forever" Spock needed additional equipment to enable the playback function on his tricorder. This time it's built in. There are a few possible explanations for this, but I'll bet the creators Just Didn't Care (https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CreatorsApathy?from=Main.TheyJustDidntCare).

[NAHTMMM]

Kirk: What about Deep Space 1?
Chekov: Isn't that a space station?

Memory Alpha has no record of a "Deep Space 1." Three, four, five, seven, and of course nine, but not one. Memory Beta says that Deep Space 1 was a starbase that was destroyed during the Tomed Incident (and only in an RPG game book), but there's no mention of an ion propulsion drive. In canon the Ares IV used an ion drive, but again, that's the future. To sum up, I don't get this joke.
I think it's just a confusion of DS1 with DS9.

Luma: In the name of Sigma Draconis 6 I will right wrongs and triumph over evil -- and that means you!

Kind of a stretch for a Sailor Moon joke, but okay.

Well, knock half an m off her name and she's a talking cat.

Kara: Back again? Do you enjoy the pain?
Kirk: Not really, but I wouldn't be the first Enterprise captain to YYYEEEEEAGH!

Zeke, I get that there's supposed to be a joke here, probably either about Archer or Pike, but I can't quite figure it out.
Definitely Archer.

Captain's Log: Dr. McCoy has used the Teacher and is now attempting to re-enbrain Spock. The danger to both is great, but he insisted. Gave me some ludicrous speech about risk being our business.

"Re-enbrain"? If you were going to insult the "Risk is our business" speech, you should've tossed in a "I'll have to remember it to throw right back at him someday."
It's not an authorial insult, it's Kirk not recognizing his own speech and thereby insulting himself unknowingly.

Kirk: (Damn.) Yes, my world has many success stories I can teach you. I think you in particular, Kara, would be a super girl to start running a coffee franchise...

Again, there's a joke here that I don't get.
Supergirl's given name is Kara. Also, the Caribou (Kara-boo) Coffee chain.

Scotty: Captain, isn't this sort of the exact opposite of the Prime Directive?
Kirk: It's superceded in this case by an even higher law taught to every captain: the Omega Glory Directive. "If the episode is bad enough, just get it over with by any means necessary."

Oh, the list we could make of episodes where this applies...
It's a very good directive.

McCoy: Wait. Wait! I can't do this!
Kirk: Sure you can! You have before, remember? The neural clone operation? Your job with the Initiative?

The neural clone thing seems to be a Farscape joke, but I don't know what that has to do with McCoy. "Initiative" eludes me.
No idea either. Isn't there a "Dharma Initiative" floating around, possibly in Lost?

September 27th, 1968, "The Enterprise Incident"

[...]

COMMANDER: You are a superior being. Why do you not command?
SPOCK: I do not desire a ship of my own.
COMMANDER: Or is it that no one has offered you, a Vulcan, that opportunity?

Has Spock been offered a command? I get that this is part of the ruse, and he's probably lying as part of the mission, but think about it. We must also spare a moment for Charvanek's implied accusation of racism against Starfleet (cue Azetbur quote!).

I could believe that Spock was offered a chance to command the Enterprise (or another ship) when Pike suffered his accident, but turned it down because he preferred to be a science officer. There's also Charvanek's implicit racism against non-Vulcanoids to consider here. ;)

SPOCK: An hour from now will do even better. Would it not, Commander?
COMMANDER: Yes. Yes, it will, Mister Spock. You do know I have a first name.

This doesn't make sense because the viewers don't know her last name yet!

Names are powerful things. Romulan birth names could be for only intimates to know, among a race stemming from a culture where merely touching fingers is a powerful sign of affection. Spock might respond, "Wow, on our first date? You do move fast!"

[NAHTMMM]

October 4th, 1968, "The Paradise Syndrome"

[...]

* Why is the Enterprise saving a prewarp society? That seems like anti-Prime Directive behavior, especially given events from "Pen Pals" and "Homeward."
This is very strange coming from a fellow SFDebris watcher ;) As SFDebris points out, for the record, the concept of the Prime Directive changed drastically between TOS and the later series, from "You'd better have a really good reason to do anything to affect a primitive civilization even a tiny bit" to "No no no, not even to save a billion squillion lives!"
SPOCK: Doctor, that asteroid is almost as large as your Earth's moon.

The largest asteroid on record is Ceres, which is nowhere near the size of Luna. The asteroid that killed the dinosaurs was less than 10 miles across. Yet another example of the writers not doing their research and throwing impossible numbers around to impress the ignorant viewer.
What's wrong with having a larger asteroid roaming around? It's a big galaxy, crazier things have happened. If we can have a planet-eating amoeba, we can have an asteroid that probably started life as a planetoid or gas giant's moon before crazy gravitational games knocked it into a different orbit.



October 11th, 1968, "And the Children Shall Lead"


Oh, this is gonna hurt...


Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=isthereintruthnobeauty)(by Derek)
You've jumped ahead an episode on the link there. Here's the right link, by IJD GAF. (http://fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=andthechildrenshalllead) And it's pretty good.
* There's debate (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Talk:Chocolate_wobble) on what sort of flavor "chocolate wobble" is. Putting aside the obvious options like "it's an alien flavor" or "the child actor flubbed the line", other opinions go from "secondary alcohol flavor" (you wobble when drunk) to the ice cream incorporates some wobbly gelatin (ugh) to there's a wobbly swirl of another flavor.
Yeah, I figured there was some physical wobble (maybe not Jell-O though) supposed to be going on.

Agreed that the two men being beamed into space was horrifying enough to be given more time.

[Nate the Great]

This is very strange coming from a fellow SFDebris watcher ;) As SFDebris points out, for the record, the concept of the Prime Directive changed drastically between TOS and the later series, from "You'd better have a really good reason to do anything to affect a primitive civilization even a tiny bit" to "No no no, not even to save a billion squillion lives!"


Fair enough, but I have to ask the question anyway. Shows in the TNG era take the PD much more seriously.



The problem is that in TOS the PD doesn't exist in way more episodes than in episodes where it does. It makes you wonder why the thing was invented in the first place.

[Nate the Great]

October 18th, 1968, "Is There in Truth No Beauty"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=isthereintruthnobeauty)(by Derek)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/62.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Is_There_in_Truth_No_Beauty%3F_(episode))

The Episode

Captain's log, stardate 5630.7. They have evolved into a race of beings who are formless, so utterly hideous that the sight of a Medusan brings total madness to any human who sees one.

Time for the Homo Sapiens club joke again. Is there really not a single race that can safely look at them? Since Spock can use the protective visor, it's a shame that the Intrepid was destroyed, or else they would've been a safer choice.

SPOCK: Not correct, Doctor, although I am aware of your mind attempting to contact mine. Were you born a telepath?
MIRANDA: Yes. That is why I had to study on Vulcan.
SPOCK: I understand.

Cue reference to Tam Elbrun.



KIRK: I can't understand why they let you go with Kollos.
MIRANDA: They, Captain?
KIRK: The male population of the Federation. Didn't someone try and talk you out of it?

Talk about laying it on with a trowel.

MIRANDA: Larry, please, try to understand.
MARVICK: I understand that you're a woman and that I'm a man, one of your own kind, and that Kollos will never be able to give you anything like this. (he kisses her but she doesn't respond) Why did I ever meet you?

Now there's '60s gender politics for you: Women are supposedly supposed to respond to the advances of any man, provided that they aren't utterly hideous. Ick.

Captain's log, stardate 5630.8. As a result of Larry Marvick's insane fears, the Enterprise lies derelict in uncharted space. We have no way to determine our position in relation to the galaxy.

The computers don't keep track of what course the ship took until now? They can't reverse course?

SPOCK: Unfortunately, we lack reference points on which to plot a return course. We experienced extreme sensory distortion, and we shall do so again if we attempt to use warp speed.

Even if the sensors got confused, does that mean that the actual course of the ship changed enough to prevent turning around reliably?

KIRK; Could Kollos function despite the sensory distortion?
SPOCK: Very possibly. The Medusan sensory system is radically different from ours.

Are they implying that Medusans can sense something that the ships' sensors can't? How does that work? Is this supposed to be something equivalent to the Force?

MCCOY:I realise that you can do almost anything a sighted person can do, but you can't pilot a starship.

Cue Geordi joke.

The Fiver

Jones: What's that printed on your visor?
Spock: "Kollos is a loother." It's a poor attempt at inter-fiver humor.

Can someone explain this one?

Kirk: So you were born a telepath? And you're not Betazoid?
Jones: Yes, but I've suffered the Tam Elbrun syndrome anyway.
Kirk: Sigh. Next you'll tell me Kollos is Tin Man, won't you?

I'm not the only one who saw the parallels.

Jones: Spock can't join with Kollos! I want to join with Kollos! I'll fly the Enterprise out of the void!
McCoy: Unfortunately, blind people can't pilot the Enterprise.
Jones: Well, one day we will!
McCoy: Uh-huh. Suuuure, you will. And after that happens, I'll let you be chief medical officer of the Enterprise.
Jones: I'm holding you to that.

Ha ha.

Kirk: I think it's time for you to separate.
Kollos/Spock: But what about the ethical implications of separating a merged lifeform like me?
Kirk: I'll leave that for Voyager to decide.
Kollos/Spock: You're no fun at all.

The Tuvix reference is a bit forced. It might've been better to reference Return to Tomorrow, especially since Diana Muldaur appeared in that episode, too.

Memory Alpha

* Blatant product placement for the IDIC. It's a shame it wasn't invented back during "Journey to Babel", it would've fit better there.
* Second and final appearance of Scotty in dress tartan, after "The Savage Curtain."

[Nate the Great]

Summary of the purpose of the five year mission in the early days of production, from The Making of Star Trek via the Straight Dope forum (https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21276803&postcount=12):

(Excerpted from orders to Captain Robert T April) ...

IV. Nature and duration of mission:
Galaxy exploration and investigation;
5 years.

V. You will patrol the Ninth Quadrant, beginning with
Alpha Centauri and extending to the outer Pinial
Galaxy limit.

VI. Consistent with the limitations of your vessel and
equipment, you will confine your landings and
contacts to Class "M" planets approximating Earth-
Mars conditions.

VII. You will conduct this patrol to accomplish primarily:
(a) Earth security, via exploration of intelligence and
social systems capable of a galaxial threat, and
(b) Scientific investigation to add to the Earth's body
of knowledge of alien life forms and social systems, and
(c) Any required assistance to the several Earth colonies
in this quadrant, and the enforcement of appropriate
statutes affecting such Federated commerce vessels
and traders as you may contact in the course of your
mission.

1. Once again we seem to have "quadrant" meaning "a group of sectors" rather than "a quarter of the galaxy."
2. The word "Pinial" might be a typo for "Finial", meaning "final", i.e. the end of populated space.
3. "Galaxial"? Hehe. When did our heroes visit the homeworlds of the other major powers?
4. Earth's body of knowledge? Can we have a week without an opportunity to make an Azetbur reference?
5. Are there colonies from Federation members other than Earth or not?

[Nate the Great]

I don't have reliable Internet access at the moment, so the entry for this week might be a little late. Unless someone else wants to do it, of course!

[Nate the Great]

October 25th, 1968, "Spectre of the Gun"


The Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=spectreofthegun) (by PointyHairedJedi)

Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/56.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Spectre_of_the_Gun_(episode))


Fair warning, this one won't be very positive. I tend to not like these pseudo-holodeck episodes when they don't have any character development.


The Episode

* Why is the Enterprise trespassing in another nation's space? They aren't at war, trying to find allies. They aren't looking for a rare mineral or medicine that is needed immediately.

* If Kirk really wanted to make it clear that he came in peace, he should've stayed at the border of Melkotian space and asked for permission to enter.

* They try to explain the Melkotian's recreation of the Old West as being derived from incomplete information, then they say that this may be all that was needed. They're both baseless assumptions, and nothing comes from it, so why bring it up? We understand low budgets, we forgive a lot, so stop pointing out that the emperor is naked and then not throwing him some clothes!

* Why did they bring up the "you can't change history" thing? This is clearly not time travel, what does history have to do with it? We'll get back to this.

* "Death is real"? Why wasn't this a redshirt that we know is real? The guy that died could very well be an illusion or robot, right?
* When Chekov "dies" they use the contradiction to conclude that this is not a 100% accurate recreation of the real events. Huh? They knew that this was a fake setting already. Another script that needed a few more rounds of editing.
* So our heroes foil the illusion and refuse to be killed. How does this equate to "refuse to kill"? And why do the Melkotians suddenly like them now?


The Fiver

Captain's Log: Fog? Most unexpected. I shall certainly mention it to our meteorologist Mr. Fish when we get back.



Apparently Michael Fish is a British weatherman who denied that a hurricane was coming back in 1987. The Michael Fish Effect is when a weatherman predicts worse weather than reality as a way of hedging their bets. If PHJ is equating fog with a hurricane, it's a bit of a stretch.

Chekov: I think we may be getting an incoming message from that big giant head.


3rd Rock From the Sun hasn't aged as well as some other cultural touchstones, has it? Although the Shatner connection works better than most.


Kirk: Listen, I know this is going to sound strange, but we're actually space explorers from the twenty-fourth century, and my name is Kirk.
Ed: That's a good one Ike. Not as funny as the one about the cattle rancher and the three nuns though.



Tsk, tsk, tsk. Twenty-third century, PHJ. I'll need an explanation of the cattle rancher/three nuns thing.


Anyway, even with the dated references the fiver is way better than the episode.


Nitpickers Guide

* Phil points out that back in "Friday's Child" Kirk promised to leave if they weren't wanted, but this time he won't.

[Nate the Great]

November 1st, 1968, "Day of the Dove"


Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=dayofthedove) (by IJD GAF)

Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/66.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Day_of_the_Dove_(episode))


The Episode

Note: I consider "Beta XII-A entity (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Beta_XII-A_entity)" to be a bit of a mouthful and awkward to write, so I'll be calling it (*) (http://memory-beta.wikia.com/wiki/(*)) in honor of the Q Continuum novels (http://memory-beta.wikia.com/wiki/The_Q_Continuum).


* The colony had a hundred people and was implied to be self-sufficient. I doubt that those two statements are compatible, and once again a plot hole was created when it wasn't needed. Saying a thousand people or a brand-new colony would've meant rewriting a line of dialogue, no additional cost.
* It's amazing how many supposed plot holes can be explained by the influence of (*). Another episode that's focused on character work rather than logic.

* The distress button is a good idea, too bad it didn't exist in previous episodes.
* It's a shame Mara wasn't used more. After the performance of Charvanek a few weeks ago seeing the viewpoint of a Klingon woman would've been interesting.
* Sometimes (*) can cloud the judgement of everyone on board, sometimes a few people can think clearly. I wonder if this could've been used more.
* It's nice that (*) is established as not all-powerful early on. While it can influence things a large distance away, maintaining power over hundreds of people at all times is hard and a few people will think clearly from time to time.

* Some nice Klingon sayings are told for the first time here. Particularly "Only a fool fights in a burning house."


The Fiver

Chekov: Wow, there's no indication that there was ever a colony here at all!
Kirk: Whoever did this must have cover-up technology on par with the ancient race who planted all those dinosaur bones in the soil of Earth!
McCoy: You mean the Deithons of Geocentrus VII?
Kirk: Yeah, those guys.



Could we have an explanation for this reference?


Uhura: I don't understand it! We've lost all reception, my hail to Starfleet was dropped, and they haven't credited us a bonus anytime minute!


Another time capsule joke, hehe....


Kang: (over the comm) Ha! We now control engineering and life support. Say goodbye to your precious "oxygen".
Kirk: Er, don't Klingons breath oxygen as well?
Kang: Nonsense! We can survive on pure élan!


"Elan" seems like a big word for a Klingon. Mara must've bought him word-of-the-day toilet paper...

Memory Alpha


* Only appearance of a Klingon woman.
* Only appearance in TOS of intraship beaming.


Nitpickers Guide

* Kang claims that Klingons have no devil. Phil points out Fek'lhr from "Devil's Due" as a contradiction. Memory Alpha describes him as merely the guardian of Gre'thor, but that does raise the question of who's his boss.
* First appearance of more than six people beaming up simultaneously, although they materialized in two batches due to Kirk's warning. I argue that it's not inconceivable that the transporter chamber could be transformed into one huge "pad", albeit with greater energy requirements, for mass evacuations.

[NAHTMMM]

October 18th, 1968, "Is There in Truth No Beauty"

MIRANDA: Larry, please, try to understand.
MARVICK: I understand that you're a woman and that I'm a man, one of your own kind, and that Kollos will never be able to give you anything like this. (he kisses her but she doesn't respond) Why did I ever meet you?

Now there's '60s gender politics for you: Women are supposedly supposed to respond to the advances of any man, provided that they aren't utterly hideous. Ick.
Ick indeed.

Jones: What's that printed on your visor?
Spock: "Kollos is a loother." It's a poor attempt at inter-fiver humor.

Can someone explain this one?
The "Koloth is a loser" hats from "Trouble with Tribbles" and elsewhere, with a lisp.


Jones: Spock can't join with Kollos! I want to join with Kollos! I'll fly the Enterprise out of the void!
McCoy: Unfortunately, blind people can't pilot the Enterprise.
Jones: Well, one day we will!
McCoy: Uh-huh. Suuuure, you will. And after that happens, I'll let you be chief medical officer of the Enterprise.
Jones: I'm holding you to that.

Ha ha.

Sometimes these "funny in hindsight" references are a bit awkward or flat, but this one was done really well. The whole fiver is pretty good.

Summary of the purpose of the five year mission in the early days of production, from The Making of Star Trek via the Straight Dope forum (https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21276803&postcount=12):
5. Are there colonies from Federation members other than Earth or not?


Early on, I'm not even sure the Federation or Starfleet were things. The Enterprise started out as a ship of the United Earth Space Force or some such.

October 25th, 1968, "Spectre of the Gun"



The Episode

* Why is the Enterprise trespassing in another nation's space? They aren't at war, trying to find allies. They aren't looking for a rare mineral or medicine that is needed immediately.

* If Kirk really wanted to make it clear that he came in peace, he should've stayed at the border of Melkotian space and asked for permission to enter.

Agreed on both counts.

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Twenty-third century, PHJ. I'll need an explanation of the cattle rancher/three nuns thing.
I suspect it's just a generic "racy joke" that's been westernized.


November 1st, 1968, "Day of the Dove"


Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=dayofthedove) (by IJD GAF)


Chekov: Wow, there's no indication that there was ever a colony here at all!
Kirk: Whoever did this must have cover-up technology on par with the ancient race who planted all those dinosaur bones in the soil of Earth!
McCoy: You mean the Deithons of Geocentrus VII?
Kirk: Yeah, those guys.



Could we have an explanation for this reference?
Deithons from Deity, Geocentrus from Geocentrics, planted dinosaur bones from deity-worshipping scientifically backwards types who need the Earth to be a few hundred thousand years old to fit their theology. (There's a similar reference in Hitchhiker's Guide when Slartibartfast mentions putting the dinosaur bones in the crust of the new Earth being built.)


Kang: (over the comm) Ha! We now control engineering and life support. Say goodbye to your precious "oxygen".
Kirk: Er, don't Klingons breath oxygen as well?
Kang: Nonsense! We can survive on pure élan!


"Elan" seems like a big word for a Klingon. Mara must've bought him word-of-the-day toilet paper...
Heh. It's a very parody-Klingon attitude, though. Romulan too. Meanwhile Earthers can survive on pure technobabble.

[Nate the Great]

United Earth Space Probe Agency. I've brought up UESPA often enough in these posts.



United Earth Space Force sounds more like a Flash Gordon thing, frankly.

[Nate the Great]

November 8th, 1968, "For The World is Hollow And I Have Touched the Sky"


Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=fortheworldishollowandihavetouchedthe sky) (by Nic)

Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/65.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/For_the_World_is_Hollow_and_I_Have_Touched_the_Sky _(episode))


The Episode

Another episode with great character work and acting, but absolutely awful science and plot holes that could be fixed through dialogue without spending a cent.


* So one second the asteroid is blocking whatever's behind it, and the next minute Spock knows it's hollow? At least throw in a line about having to recalibrate the sensors to compensate for Macguffinite!

* Another episode where the Prime Directive is theoretically at its strictest, yet it's okay for our heroes to waltz in. We aren't even told that the natives were scanned from afar to confirm that they look human enough for our heroes to pass for natives. No disguise for Spock. No replication of native clothing. And if the outer asteroid is two hundred miles across, the inner core can't be all that big; the population must be small enough for everyone to know everyone. So even IF our heroes did all they could to look like natives, they'd still be identified as strangers. Merely beaming down is a Prime Directive violation!
* One wonders how many dead languages Spock has memorized. But here's the thing: how can the Federation know the language in the first place? They didn't know about the asteroid ships and the planet was destroyed ten thousand years ago! Did the Fabrini have allies who recorded the history and language for future generations, but neglected to mention the asteroid ships?


The Fiver

Uhura: Transmitting on all subspace frequencies -- "Position of Annoying Talking Human on Starship Enterprise now vacant. Medical skills would be appreciated."
Pulaski: (over the comm) You called?



Ha ha. She doesn't like transporters, but time machines are apparently okay? Also, it seems that Braxton runs a staffing agency in his spare time, routing job postings to the best candidates no matter where in time they may be, hehe...


Spock: Aw. I know what will cheer you up - our 56th weekly cup of tea!
McCoy: Thanks, Spock. (picks a cup)
Spock: Um, no. Here, this one is yours.


Is this a reference to something?


McCoy: Pink cylinders... Who built this thing? The Teletubbies?
Spock: It's a strong possibility.
Kirk: But I think a nuclear powered spaceship is beyond even them.
McCoy: True, true. Although they are very resourceful.
Kirk: An advanced, very dangerous species.



Another joke time capsule, wow.


Oracle: Oracle's Message of the Day #1 - Potatoes make you stupid.



Is this a reference to something?


Spock: It appears these people are completely unaware they live on a spaceship.
Natira: We do not live on a spaceship! Our world is a flat board held by a giant turtle.
Kirk: Suuure. And what holds the giant turtle?
Natira: Another giant turtle.
Spock: And what holds her?
Natira: You can't fool me! It's turtles, turtles, turtles, all the way down!



Traditionally the World Turtle has the Earth as a hemisphere sitting on four elephants standing on the turtle.



Old Man: It's difficult to grow food on a spaceship. We have dogs, though.
Spock: What did you say? You know about the spaceship?
Kirk: Make it a poodle. And get me some chili.



Is this an Enterprise joke?


Oracle: Oracle's Message of the Day #2 - Do not meddle in the affairs of the Oracle, for thou art crunchy and taste good with strawberry pie.


Why strawberry pie and not ketchup, as is traditional with this joke?


Oracle: Oracle's Message of the Day #3 - I could totally kick Microsoft's butt.

Another time capsule, and that's a pretty obscure geek joke to boot!


Kirk: To disable... the Oracle... logically convince it to self-destruct. Oh, how very original.
Spock: Just... do it!
Kirk: Um... um... Episode II: Attack of the Clones!
Oracle: NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!



Now there's high humor density. And prequel jokes will never get obscure!


Memory Alpha

* I never noticed the design of the reader tube (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Reader_tube), or even the term. I thought that when McCoy needed a handheld scanner, he used one of the futuristic salt shaker props.

[Nate the Great]

November 15th, 1968, "The Tholian Web"


No fiver

Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/64.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Tholian_Web_(episode))



The Episode

* Once again, good character work, horrible science. Another pass through the script by a scientific advisor could've tweaked the language to be more consistent and accurate.
* I don't understand why Kirk told McCoy about the sealed orders, but not Spock. Furthermore, it hardly seemed like the time to watch the video. And why would Kirk assume that he would die during a crisis that would be continuing while the orders were watched?

* The Tholian Web is a great idea, too bad we don't really see it again. I do remember a cool screensaver (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KbOfHoGfLFQ) of a web being made back in the Windows 95 days.



(Being reminded of that After Dark screensaver, enjoy some others: Spock and Horta (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YeDCfweGVgA), Tunneling Horta (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buRo9bOsU-k), Data dances (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVWqsmKK9y8))


Memory Alpha

* First appearance of the more traditional TOS spacesuit, replacing the ugly orange beekeeper suits from "The Naked Time." I still think they look ugly, but they reappear in other media.
* The only time Spock calls McCoy "Bones."
* The Defiant was not among the original list of starship names from the early series bibles.
* Kirk's funeral features the largest group of crewman in one place in the series.

* The Defiant crewmembers wear standard Enterprise mission patches (the Cochrane delta). When Enterprise revisits this episode the Defiant is given a unique mission patch.
* The mutiny in "This Side of Paradise" is mentioned as a contradiction to Spock's statement, along with Garth's crew. I'll forgive TSOP because of external influence, but Garth can only be explained by him not being on a Constitution-class ship and that being the definition of "starship" implied. A slippery slope to be sure.


Nitpickers Guide

* Spock clearly lied at the end of the episode, and it wasn't in the pursuit of his duties or while under alien influence either. Oops.
* Chekov seems in on the joke about Spock and McCoy "not" watching Kirk's orders, when he shouldn't know anything about it. Oops.
* Kirk is given a hypo through his spacesuit. Doesn't seem very durable against the vacuum of space, does it? You'd think they could've taken off a glove or built a special hypo port into the suit, right?

[Nate the Great]

Usually I push Thanksgiving episodes a day to either side, but not this time. Let's just say that I've got a wonky work schedule and have some time this year.


November 22nd, 1968, "Plato's Stepchildren"


Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=platosstepchildren) (by Derek)

Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/67.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Plato%27s_Stepchildren_(episode))


The Episode

As usual, good character work, plot holes you can fly a starship through. It's almost like these things were make in the pre-home video era when they were only meant to entertain people for an hour without any thought to such impossible things like "the Internet" or "fan conventions." Gasp!


* Are we here to respond to a distress call, or search for kironide? That seems like two different missions.

* Would this place being a previously unknown Earth colony affect the plot in any way? It would certainly be simpler. The whole Plato thing seems to only exist for the sake of the episode title. We've seen parallel development of weirder things than Ancient Greece before.
* Only 38 people? Even if they could somehow breed out all genetic disorders, you'd want more than that if only for more people to talk to. And even if 90% of everything is automated, you still need people to oil things and change fuses, right?
* A mass eugenics program that produced people so fragile that a cut can be fatal? Seems counter intuitive to me.

* The common cold is mentioned as not yet curable. It will be cured sometime between 2355 (Tom Paris had it at the age of nine, "Cathexis") and 2364 (Wesley claims that colds are something that people used to have, "The Battle"). Was Tom one of the last cases?
* I like that Alexander doesn't want the power because he doesn't want to be lazy and useless.
* The infamous interracial kiss has been covered enough elsewhere, I don't think there's anything to add.


The Fiver

Mr. Big's Shadow: Have you killed Moose and Squirrel?
Kirk: Huh?
Alexander: Sorry, wrong 1960s show.



I'm confused by the Rocky and Bullwinkle reference. Mr. Big was voiced by Bill Scott, not Michael Dunn. As Dunn played Loveless on the original Wild Wild West, you'd think a reference to that would be more appropriate.


Alexander: I'm not even better than Philana due to her powers.
Kirk: I bet Chekov would love to meet these telekinetics. I bet he could best her.



I don't get the joke. Philana's actress, Barbra Babcock, was also in a number of other TOS episodes, but no roles that had any particular connection to Chekov.



Philana: To you and your fellowship we present gifts.
Kirk: Galadriel you're not.
Philana: Are you sure? We even have our own Hobbit.



The Lord of the Rings films were released in 2001-2003, and the fiver was published in 2005. I feel old.


Spock: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I'm the laughing Vulcan!
Alexander: I think I can make a song about that. Do you have a dog?


Time to link to the song again (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBg9T_3CI1A).


Parmen: And now let's have some entertainment while we induct McCoy into our group.
Spock: (singing) Bilbo, Bilbo, Bilbo Baggins. The bravest little hobbit of them all!
Alexander: Sniff. That song really touches me.



Hey look, another song! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m7tOq9aD63U)


Nitpickers Guide

* Kirk's line "I guess we weren't sufficiently entertaining" was used by a station to advertise that TNG would join TOS in a programming block. Hehe.
* Where did McCoy get kironide so quickly to inject into the crew?

[Nate the Great]

November 29th, 1968, "Wink of an Eye"


Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=winkofaneye)(by Marc)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/68.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Wink_of_an_Eye_(episode))



The Episode

* The science is inconsistent and ridiculous all over the place. The biology, the acoustics, the chronology, everything. As CinemaSins would put it, lets just give it 50 sins up front so I don't have to mention every occurrence.
* In this episode the industrial scale is numbered, but back in "Spock's Brain" they used letters. Illogical.
* The Scalosians wait until there are five people left before sending out a general distress call?

* At least this time they cite a reasonable offscreen population, nine hundred thousand in this instance. Although thinking of almost a million corpses might be off-putting before bed on Friday night in the sixties.
* Deela mentions that the transport took a long time. If she lives many factors of magnitude faster than us, imagine how long five seconds would be! Reg Barclay would completely flip out by the time he beamed aboard!
* Kirk lets the Scalosians leave? They're guilty of kidnapping, murder, sabotage...


The Fiver

Kirk: I wonder why the aliens didn't keep us out of this room?
Spock: Perhaps they intend this to be a show of force. We are being allowed to look but not to touch.
Kirk: Sounds a lot like my first date with Antonia.



Antonia is one of Trek's biggest mysteries. Even the expanded universe doesn't give many more details about her. Sometimes I wish they'd kept the original intention and put Carol Marcus there.


Kirk: I'm impressed. You didn't even bother to hurry when you stepped out of its way.
Deela: That's one of the things you have to be careful about when you're hyperaccelerated. If you move too quickly, the air friction will set your clothes on fire.



She obviously hasn't mastered the use of the Speed Force yet. Hehe.


Memory Alpha

* One of the rare instances where it's clearly indicated that Kirk slept with the alien babe of the week. It doesn't happen as often as you'd think.


Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil omits the phaser dodge and estimate that the Scalosians live at least eight hundred times faster than we do. In which case, the crew wouldn't have enough time to do anything to stop them. Oops. So much would be solved if the Scalosians were just out of phase with us, right?
* How did the Scalosians stay invisible during transport when everything is frozen?

[Nate the Great]

December 6th, 1968, "The Empath"


Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=theempath)(by Kristina)

Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/63.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Empath_(episode))


The Episode

* As a prelude, I understand how this is such a good trinity episode for our leads, but I wonder how some of the others would've responded to this situation and Gem.
* Once again, good character work, horrible science. Henceforth I'll just mark these with GCWHS, okay?

* I find it interesting, this idea that 2% of telepathic races can only receive thoughts, not send them. What a horrible state of affairs. You'd think they'd evolve telepathic shields. Worthless aside, I refer you to the excellent TNG novel Guises of the Mind. After a horrible war using mind weapons in the distant past, the telepathic natives evolved unlockable telepathic shields to survive. Only the priests have even partial telepathy, and it takes a bunch of them to unlock the telepathic shields of the king. You've heard of good Troi episodes, this is a good Troi book.
* They use the word "empath" differently in this episode than in NextGen. Incidentally, Wiktionary agrees with NextGen and not this episode. There is a secondary meaning of "empathy" that fits more with what Gem does, but "empath" is strictly sensing emotions.
* They see an illusion of Scotty and a landing party. It hasn't been 72 hours yet!
* Later on McCoy describes Gem's abilities as something closer to Rogue's, but even then she doesn't replicate wounds exactly, that was weird.

* McCoy can't adjust a tricorder? Huh? He may not be a lover of technology, but there are a lot of mechanical things that he has to know to do his job. Of course I'd still consider him assisting Scotty in "Mirror, Mirror" to be beyond his normal abilities.
* The idea that humans in the future still know relatively obscure Bible facts is interesting. Sure Gene, all humans are atheists in the future!


The Fiver

McCoy: Looks like we've reached a spare room.
Kirk: Spare Oom? Strange name for a strange place. We should be watching out for war drobes.
McCoy: Which wardrobe? Next you'll be telling me you saw a lion.
Kirk: Honest, Bones, I ain't a-lyin'. Hey, a babe!


Odd place for Narnia jokes, but okay. Here's a link to the end of the first Narnia movie with the wardrobe and Spare Oom (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqrm6xyXmuA).


Spock: It's life, Jim, but not as we know it.


Not as we know it, not as we know it. It's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlTMXiqbDZU)


Kirk: Who are you? What do you want?
Lal: We're neither Vorlons nor Shadows; we are Vians. You are of little interest to us.
Kirk: Yet you killed Linke and Ozaba.
Thann: Their fears killed them; we did not. Show us how passionate you are.
Kirk: Impassion this -- (ZAP) OW!



Vorlons and Shadows are from Babylon 5, I know that much. I had to look up that Linke and Ozaba are actually the names of the scientists; I was expecting those to be characters from an anime or something.

[Nate the Great]

December 20th, 1968, "Elaan of Troyius"


Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=elaanoftroyius)(by IJD GAF)

Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/57.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Elaan_of_Troyius_(episode))


The Episode

I give you fair warning up front, there's good character work here, but there are plot holes all over the place that are entirely in the dialogue and wouldn't cost A SINGLE DOLLAR TO FIX! And those are the most annoying ones. I understand that the costumes and props have to be cheap, I understand that special effects shots must be recycled whenever possible, I get that sometimes a plot demands modifying what the technology can and can't do. I really get it. But this time the problems are pure dialogue and plot details that could've been fixed by a proofreader before the actors even set foot on the set. Therefore this week I'm going to start off with a quick rundown of these problems along with the quick fixes.


PROBLEM: Kirk doesn't see why they're here, as the planet is "not worth fighting about". One, just being near the Klingon border means it's worth it to secure this system as Federation allies. Two, you know firsthand what Klingons do to their conquered worlds, as you saw it in action on Organia. Don't you want to protect this planet from that? Third, your personal feelings are irrelevant, you've been ordered to come here, so learn to keep your trap shut!


SOLUTION: Cut the line, it serves no purpose.


PROBLEM: Kirk doesn't know what a "Dohlman" is.
SOLUTION: Cut the line. That should be in the report sent to you and just makes you look like an idiot.


PROBLEM: Uhura gives her quarters to Elaan.
SOLUTION: Uhura decorated the VIP suite to give it a feminine touch for Elaan. Elaan still gets angry in the same way, and these are still the best quarters on the ship (ignore the fact that it's the same set as always, just let the audience imagine that there's another set of rooms past a door that we never see).


PROBLEM: Elaan stabs Petri and isn't punished in any way. Does diplomatic immunity extend to attempted murder?

SOLUTION: This didn't require an assault this extreme. A black eye and maybe a missing tooth would've been adequate for the purpose.


PROBLEM: Elaan throws a knife at Kirk that's sharp enough to be embedded in the wall.

SOLUTION: Another attempted murder, this time of a Starfleet officer. Not necessary. Throwing a glass or pulling up a tablecloth and knocking everything at Kirk would've served just as well.


PROBLEM:


* Elaan's behavior here makes me wonder if this is a situation where Troi would've been useful. At the very least shouldn't there be an expert in alien customs on board to act as a buffer between Kirk and the more exotic aliens?
* "Sublight factor point zero three seven." Since he's not using the term "impulse", let's assume that this is 3.7% of the speed of light (i.e. 24827000 mph. Let's be generous and say that Troyius and Elaas are equivalent to Earth and Mars, and they're currently on opposite sides of the solar system (234600000 mi). This is about nine and a half hours. It's more likely that they meant 3.7% of full impulse (25% of the speed of light), so multiply by four to get 38 hours. In reality I'd think they should be going slower to give more time to get Elaan trained. As a final note, one wonders where Kirk got the "point zero three seven" figure. I doubt he knows the dimensions of this solar system or can do division with large numbers in his head. Wouldn't it be easier to just ask Spock to set a speed that'll require a journey of a few days?

* So these planets are aware of each other and have the weapons to destroy each other. But are they warp-capable?
* "Mister Spock, the women on your planet are logical. That's the only planet in this galaxy that can make that claim." Great line.
* Scotty invokes the images of a garbage scow. Between this and "The Trouble With Tribbles", I guess they really do exist, but I have to ask why. Just phaser or transporter disperse this stuff. Unless you're going to tell me that some planets have the infrastructure to convert garbage into something useful and others don't.

* Scotty brings up the fact that the crude crystals make things harder, but he still gets things working faster than LaForge did in "Peak Performance" who had chips to work with, but refined chips.


Nitpickers Guide

* The biggest nit is the fact that at the start of the episode the necklace is valuable and from Troyius and at the end it's worthless and from Elas. Let's pretend for a moment that making two props was impossible. The simplest solution is to say that Elaan was tricked into wearing this thing, possibly by Kirk, and that the two planets view the same stone in different ways.

[NAHTMMM]

November 8th, 1968, "For The World is Hollow And I Have Touched the Sky"
Another episode with great character work and acting, but absolutely awful science and plot holes that could be fixed through dialogue without spending a cent.
These problems are super frustrating for me too.


The Fiver

Spock: Aw. I know what will cheer you up - our 56th weekly cup of tea!
McCoy: Thanks, Spock. (picks a cup)
Spock: Um, no. Here, this one is yours.


Is this a reference to something?
No, just an implication that Spock's been gradually poisoning McCoy this whole time.


Oracle: Oracle's Message of the Day #1 - Potatoes make you stupid.

Is this a reference to something?
I presume this is supposed to be the Usenet Oracle, which I'm too young to have had direct access to. Looks like it's still going here: https://internetoracle.org/ I have no idea about the potatoes.


Oracle: Oracle's Message of the Day #2 - Do not meddle in the affairs of the Oracle, for thou art crunchy and taste good with strawberry pie.


Why strawberry pie and not ketchup, as is traditional with this joke?
Probably because this is Zeke's site.

For a Space Italian woman who rides a warp bike, an eternity.
What a great line.

November 22nd, 1968, "Plato's Stepchildren"
Alexander: I'm not even better than Philana due to her powers.
Kirk: I bet Chekov would love to meet these telekinetics. I bet he could best her.

I don't get the joke.
It has nothing to do with the actress and everything to do with a later Koenig role.

Philana: To you and your fellowship we present gifts.
Kirk: Galadriel you're not.
Philana: Are you sure? We even have our own Hobbit.

The Lord of the Rings films were released in 2001-2003, and the fiver was published in 2005. I feel old.
Amen.

Thann: Their fears killed them; we did not. Show us how passionate you are.
Not a thing you want to say to Kirk.

[Nate the Great]

January 3rd, 1969, "Whom Gods Destroy"


Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=whomgodsdestroy) (by Nic)

Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/71.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Whom_Gods_Destroy_(episode))


The Episode

* I'm still unsure how you can teach "cellular metamorphosis" to heal wounds, or how you go from being able to heal wounds to transforming your entire body. I think the implication is that Garth isn't a full-blown shapeshifter, but can just rearrange his skin and surface musculature. At least he doesn't have to recreate a functional commbadge like Odo apparently can.

* The codephrase is a good idea, but just opens more plotholes. Such precautions should be taken for most missions, and why was one instituted here? They didn't know there was a shapeshifter on the planet!
* I find it dubious that the Enterprise can't disable the shield without killing everybody on the planet. Surely the specs should be on file. Having Scotty say that it'll take some time to configure the phasers to disable the shield without killing everybody would accomplish the goal with fewer plotholes.

* I like how Chakoteya says that Marta's (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1H2QvmWLT4s) dance isn't as good as Vina's (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5dNGU772_cI).

* Spock claims that Marta's dance is like what small Vulcan children do. I can appreciate that Vulcans would learn how to dance as a way to train their bodies how to move, and we know that Vulcans appreciate music.
* Garth has discovered more new worlds than any other man in history. This is a problem. Since he specifically calls Shakespeare an Earth man, he is evidently not human himself. Fair enough. Kirk studied Garth's career at the Academy, so Garth's heyday was at least twenty years ago. This is before the Constitution Class era by any definition. While we know little of the classes used in the early 23th century, I wonder if he was on a Bonaventure class or an Antares type. Going into the FASA RPG universe, the Mann, Ranger, and Baton Rouge classes also seem probable. All of these were undoubtedly smaller than the Constitution class, and thus had a smaller range and shorter missions than the days of Pike and Kirk. Also, the title of "discovered the most worlds" seems destined to be held by a Vulcan if you ask me.
* Garth implies that he will conquer the surrounding galaxies. How? Even with Kelvan upgrades it would take hundreds of years to get to another galaxy!
* Garth's attempt to trick Kirk into revealing the countersign is stupid. Even if "queen to queen's level three" is a valid opening move in 3D chess, there's more than one possible countering move! I doubt that even grandmasters can figure out their opponent's strategy based on a single move! Skipping straight to the agonizer would make more sense.
* I've long wondered what "Cochrane deceleration" entails. Putting aside the face that I doubt Zephram Cochrane was ever in a battle, this thing almost seems like a reverse Picard Maneuver.
* Is this the first instance of "shoot us both, it's the only way!"?
* Immediate reversal of brain damage from an injection? How is that supposed to work?


The Fiver

Garth: I am Lord Garth, and they call me Master of the Universe!
Kirk: Why don't they call you Skeletor?
Garth: Enough with the silly cartoon references! I will have none of that! Now give me control of your ship!
Kirk: I will not.
Garth: By the power of Greyskull, oh yes you will! (shapeshifts into Kirk)



I'm still a little confused about who the "Masters of the Universe" are. I care not for the 2002 series, and in the original show He-Man's friends are called the Heroic Warriors. Is "Masters of the Universe" supposed to be a broader term that refers to anyone who has access to "The secrets of Castle Greyskull?"


Garth: HA! Fooled you! Now you shall witness my coronation into Lord of the Galaxy, Master of the Universe and Secretary of State for White Fish!


I can't find reference to a country or government called "White Fish". There are a few places in Canada and the northern United States called that, but nothing with a "Secretary of State."



Nitpickers Guide

* The Tellarite makeup here is much better than in "Journey to Babel."
* Phil wonders about how this episode mentions a second mutiny on a starship, when in "The Tholian Web" the Defiant was seemingly the first mutiny on a starship. I think the simplest explanation (besides "the writers didn't care", of course) is that this ties back to the whole "starship=Constitution Class" thing and that Garth clearly wasn't on a Constitution Class ship.

[Nate the Great]

January 10th, 1969, "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=letthatbeyourlastbattlefield) (by IJD GAF)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/70.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Let_That_Be_Your_Last_Battlefield_(episode))

The Episode

Captain's log, stardate 5730.2. The planet Ariannus is vital as a transfer point on regular space commercial lanes. It has been attacked by a bacterial invasion which threatens to render it lifeless unless checked. Our mission, to decontaminate it.

This implies that they wouldn't bother if Ariannus wasn't a transfer point. I know that wasn't the intention, but that's how it reads. Who cares how important the planet is, it's a Federation world in crisis!

SULU: Captain, sensors indicate a space vehicle of some sort ahead.
KIRK: Is it within visual range?
SULU: Coming into range now, sir. It's following a very erratic course.
KIRK: Put it on the screen, extreme magnification.
(A wobbly shuttlecraft appears on the viewscreen.)
CHEKOV: I think that may be a Starfleet shuttlecraft.
SPOCK: That is exactly what it is, Mister Chekov.

So a Starfleet ship can't identify another Starfleet ship at this range? What does this plot point achieve except making everyone look inept?

SPOCK: Captain, there is one living creature aboard. Humanoid. He is either injured or ill.

This is extremely petty, but I wonder why readings that indicate injury and readings that indicate sickness are so close as to be mistaken for each other. Why is this line here?

KIRK: Do we have any knowledge of a planet that could have produced such a race of beings?
SPOCK: Negative, Captain.
KIRK: Bones, what do you make of it?
MCCOY: Well, I can't give you any specific circumstance that will explain him.

Look, we could name any number of alien races that defy the common sense interpretation of evolution to create features that would be impossible to explain via natural selection. Voyager featured a race that had a strip of flesh connecting their nose to their chin, and SF Debris has a whole rant about this topic. I get that the vertical dividing line is great for quick identification and a source of petty prejudice, but there were alternate, more evolutionary sound options. One that comes to mind immediately is the skin color of one is the same as the hair and eye color of the other, and vice versa. Make sure both have beards to make the hair color more prominent, etc.

KIRK: Don't you usually know whose property you've stolen?
LOKAI: I am not a thief.
KIRK: Well, certainly no ordinary thief, considering what it is you appropriated.
LOKAI: You're being very loose with your accusations and drawing conclusions without any facts.
KIRK: Well, I do know you made off with a ship that didn't belong to you.
LOKAI: I do not make off with things. My need gave me the right to use the ship. Mark the word, sir, the use of it.

Yeah, that doesn't work. He's a thief.

BELE: We're on the way to Cheron. Captain, this ship is now under my direction.

So is there some form of device that's locked the course a la the Kelvans, or is Bele controlling the ship through sheer will? And if the latter, why can't Lolai counter it?

[Nate the Great]

SPOCK: This is Commander Spock, science officer. Destruct sequence number two, code one, one A, two B.
...
SCOTT: This is Lieutenant Commander Scott, chief engineering officer of the USS Enterprise. Destruct sequence number three, code one B, two B, three.
...
KIRK: Computer, this is Captain James Kirk of the USS Enterprise. Begin thirty second countdown. Code zero, zero, zero, destruct zero.

It's nice that they reproduced the TOS (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOvuzrpHqwo) destruct sequence for STIII (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wk0f43GOtSk). Isn't it nice when the creators care about their own history and continuity, not changing things that don't have to be changed?

BELE: It is obvious to the most simpleminded that Lokai is of an inferior breed.
SPOCK: The obvious visual evidence, Commissioner, is that he is of the same breed as yourself.
BELE: Are you blind, Commander Spock? Well, look at me. Look at me!
KIRK: You're black on one side and white on the other.
BELE: I am black on the right side.
KIRK: I fail to see the significant difference.
BELE: Lokai is white on the right side. All of his people are white on the right side.

And...? So...? But...? Therefore...? I'm not seeing the argument here, which is a key reason why the racism allegory sort of falls flat. In the real world we have racism because of more substantial (if illogical and unethical) reasons. At least claim that the black-right-siders invented fire/gunpowder/nuclear bombs/warp drive/whatever first or the white-right-siders were lazy/hippies/Amish-ish throughout history. SOMETHING.

UHURA: It doesn't make any sense.
SPOCK: To expect sense from two mentalities of such extreme viewpoints is not logical.
SULU: But their planet's dead. Does it matter now which one's right?
SPOCK: Not to Lokai and Bele. All that matters to them is their hate.
UHURA: Do you suppose that's all they ever had, sir?
KIRK: No, but that's all they have left.

A great moral, if a bit hamfisted.

The Fiver

Captain's Log: We will soon begin "Operation Detox." Once we reach the planet Ariannus, we shall commence decontamination by rubbing a special gel all over its --

Assuming that this is referring to sanitizer gel, that doesn't really "detoxify" anything. A good joke if a bit illogical.

Spock: But Captain, it might be dangerous.
Kirk: Who do I look like, Captain Esteban?

Nice Search for Spock reference. He was a real shmuck.

[Nate the Great]

January 17th, 1969, "The Mark of Gideon"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=themarkofgideon) (by IJD GAF)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/72.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Mark_of_Gideon_(episode))

Let's get this out of the way up front: if this society is so crowded that they presumably only operate essential industries, where did they get the resources to build a duplicate Enterprise? Even if you say that all of the nonessential tech was omitted and faked, a lot of the tech had to be real:
* The gravitational strength on board the ship is so specific that that artificial gravity had to be present in the duplicate. Unless you're going to tell me that this planet is so like Earth that the gravitational constant is exactly one gee. Any Starfleet officer should be able to tell when the gravity on board ship feels wrong.

* The air has to be exactly the same as the Enterprise. The same oxygen content, it has to smell the same, etc.

* The carpet has to feel exactly the same, the lights have to be the same wavelength and brightness, the background hum has to be the same, etc.


The Episode

Captain's log, stardate 5423.4. We are orbiting the planet Gideon, which is still not a member of the United Federation of Planets. The treaty negotiations have been difficult because Gideon has consistently refused the presence of a delegation from the Federation on its soil, or any surveillance by the ship's sensors. They have finally agreed to a delegation of one. They insisted it be the Captain of the Enterprise. I am, therefore, beaming down at once.

1. "No delegation on it's soil"=either beam up the Gideon party, or refuse their attempts until they agree to let people beam down.
2. "It must be a delegation of one"=You refuse until they take back this ludicrous request.
3. "It has to be Kirk"=You tell them that Kirk isn't a diplomat and has duties elsewhere.

KIRK [OC]: I am alone on the Enterprise. I have searched every area of the ship and still cannot find a trace of the crew, or an indication of how its disappearance was managed.

In the expanded universe materials, it's said that you can walk all of the corridors in eight hours. I assume that this doesn't include poking your head in all the doors. If Kirk's been here for half a day, does this mean that the Gideonites reproduced ship water and food as well?

SPOCK: Institute a sensor scan three hundred and sixty degrees, one degree at a time.
MCCOY: You mean you're going to scan space for him?
SULU: But, sir, that could take years.
SPOCK: Then the sooner you begin, the better.

Putting aside the two-dimensional thinking quote from Wrath of Khan, scanning a solar system for one specific human shouldn't take "years". In fact, scanning a solar system end to end completely shouldn't take "years"!

SPOCK: Lieutenant Uhura, has Starfleet honoured our request with a reply?
UHURA: There has been no response as yet, sir.
SPOCK: Did you advise them the captain's life is at stake?
UHURA: Yes, sir. They insist that the matter must be referred to the Federation.
SPOCK: What department?
UHURA: Bureau of Planetary Treaties.
SPOCK: Contact them directly.
UHURA: I did, Mister Spock. They insist that we must go through Starfleet channels.

This is clearly a Starfleet matter, not a general Federation matter. What did this achieve except portraying the Federation as a non-optimal bureaucracy?

(Kirk presses a button, but the steel shutter does not raise)
KIRK: If it works.
(uses a manual override, and the shutters slide open to reveal faces which are then replaced by a starfield.)

This is absurd. Either put a proper functioning starfield outside or make the shutters unopenable.

ADMIRAL [on viewscreen]: I sympathize deeply, but Starfleet cannot override Federation directives in this matter.

What matter? What directives? I hope it's not the Prime Directive, because these people clearly have subspace radio, which implies that they are warp-capable.

HODIN: What is it like to feel pain?
ODONA: It is like, like when you see the people have no hope for happiness, Father. You feel great despair, and your heart is heavy because you know you can do nothing. Pain is like that.

I just don't understand this metaphor. I get what the writers were going for, but this is just nonsense.

HODIN: Yes. As Odona told you, we have no need for medical practitioners here.

I hate it when scifi societies think that "no illness"="no need for doctors". People will still sprain angles and break arms. OBGYNs and coroners will still be needed.

[Nate the Great]

The Fiver

Kirk: You do realize that with things as they are, it may become necessary for us to repopulate the universe.
Odona: No, sorry. I don't know where I'm from.
Kirk: Huh?

What does knowing where you're from have to do with having kids? Wouldn't this have been a good place for Odona to declare herself to be a lesbian and Kirk kicking himself about it?

Hodin: Yep, tee hee! Gideon is a paradise where people live practically forever. Our birthrate rose to the point where the whole planet is one huge mosh pit.
Kirk: So you needed me to control the population with my QTPM?
Hodin: Yep. Quite The Phantom Menace, aren't I?

Which direction was this Phantom Menace joke supposed to go? Were they implying that watching Episode One decreases the odds of having sex?

Memory Alpha

* Only appearance of a regular exterior viewing port.
* People asked how Kirk is allowed to serve if he's so infectious. Good point.

[Nate the Great]

January 31st, 1969, "The Lights of Zetar"


Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=thelightsofzetar) (by Kira)

Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/73.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/The_Lights_of_Zetar_(episode))


The Episode

Key points:
* I get that they used Mira Romaine as a human counterpart to the external threat, but they laid it on with a trowel way too much. Talk about a total failure of the Bechdel test. She only exists to be a love interest and a victim. It's not like they could've spared the time for a scene with Uhura or Chapel to discuss her fears or at least her feelings for Scotty!

* Reading the script there seemed to be too much padding regarding Memory Alpha and this storm. So much repetition, to a degree that you wonder if this is supposed to be some sort of compensation for a lack of special effects budget.

* Speaking of Memory Alpha, putting the only copy of so much information in one spot is just stupid. Furthermore, it's not necessary. You can create sufficient drama by saying that the network of subspace signals connecting the Memory sites is being severely disrupted by this thing, garbling data and introducing errors. The longer this goes on, the longer it'll take to set everything right afterwards. Then you can focus on the direct threat on Mira's life.



KIRK [OC]: When a man of Scotty's years falls in love, the loneliness of his life is suddenly revealed to him.


Scotty's years? He's 47 (time to plug that magical number again! (http://www.47.net/47society/)). In the 23rd century this is hardly old. I suppose that they could be implying a midlife crisis kind of thing, but it was still the wrong way to phrase it.


CHEKOV: I didn't think Mister Scott would go for the brainy type.
SULU: I don't think he's even noticed she has a brain.


Is this good banter or just objectification? I'm not sure.


SPOCK: None, Captain. When the library complex was assembled, shielding was considered inappropriate to its totally academic purpose. Since the information on the Memory planet is available to everyone, special protection was deemed unnecessary.



Oh, hi Gene! There goes your naive optimism out of control again! Even if we're going to assume that the information here is still backed up at multiple other locations it would be a real hassle to gather it all together again. A simple deflector shield is not "special protection". What about solar flares, or a giant space ameba, or a doomsday machine, or the Crystalline Entity, or any of a number of other things that don't care one bit about the purpose of this installation?


KIRK: Mister Spock, how many people are on Memory Alpha?
SPOCK: It varies with the number of scholars, researchers, and scientists from the various Federation planets who are using the computer complex.



There's that Vulcan precision again, it sometimes gets annoying. Kirk wasn't looking for a hard number, this is what the word "approximately" was invented for!


The Fiver

Kirk: Well, let's have her beam down then. Kirk to... say, wait a minute. If you, me, Spock, and Scotty are down here, who's in charge?
Sulu: (over the comm) You called, Captain?
Kirk: Oh. Dear. God.



What's wrong with Sulu being in command? I'm not seeing a joke here. There could've been one more line from Sulu about how someone has locked up all his weapons, so don't worry.


Romaine: I had a vision of what happened to those people on the surface. What's happening to me?
Scotty: You see what the aliens see... it would seem your minds are "Attached" in some way. Someone or something has mentally "Attached" you to the aliens.
Romaine: Scotty, this isn't a TNG ripoff. In fact, it has nothing to do with that episode at all.
Scotty: Sorry. I have a grudge against the entire series.



This feels like it needed one more punchline. Geordi doesn't let engineers drink on the job, multiplying your work estimate by four is a court-martialable offense, etc. Besides, this isn't that much like "Attached", comparing it to "The Minds Eye" would've worked better.

Kirk: Oh. Well, open hailing frequencies, then. (ahem) "Greetings, little worms --"
Spock: Captain, that is not the standard Starfleet message.
Kirk: I know. I found it in the Memory Alpha database.


I don't recall the little worms line. Is this an Enterprise reference?


Kirk: I have a plan. Let's allow the aliens to take over Lieutenant Romaine.
Scotty: I object to this plan!
Kirk: We'll have to have a controlled environment. We can use that piece of antique technology we brought aboard last week.
Scotty: You don't mean....
Kirk: Yes -- the decon chamber.
Scotty: Objection withdrawn.



If I needed no other reason to hate Enterprise, the decon chamber would be enough. It's shameless fanservice and absolutely nothing else. Besides, it doesn't make sense; it's not like all alien microbes are going to be nice enough to stay on the skin to be killed.


Memory Alpha

* Shari Lewis and her husband wrote this one. She also wanted to play Mira, but it didn't work out. Someone cut and paste Shari and Lambchop as they were at the time into a photo from this episode (https://www.throwbacks.com/13-fascinating-things-you-probably-didnt-know-about-shari-lewis-and-lamb-chop/).

* Final appearance of an Andorian and Tellarite in TOS.
* Only appearance of Kyle this season.
* One of the Strange New Worlds short stories says that she married Morgan Bateson. Weird, but image if Shari Lewis portrayed her!

[Nate the Great]

February 14th, 1969, “Requiem for Methuselah”

I’ll have more to say about Flint’s supposed biography later, trust me!

Fiver (by Wowbagger)
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

Captain's log, stardate 5843.7. The Enterprise is in the grip of a raging epidemic. Three crewmen have died and twenty three others have been struck down by Rigelian fever. In order to combat the illness, Doctor McCoy needs large quantities of ryetalyn, which is the only known antidote for the fever.

1. Where did this Rigelian fever come from? Did they rescue some Rigelians offscreen? Was Dr. McCoy working on a cure in his spare time and a Klingon attack made him lose containment? Was this a biological attack by the Klingons? We kinda need answers here!
2. Once again we have “antidote” used as a synonym for “cure for a disease” when in reality it’s “counteracts a poison.” Just use “cure”, it’s not an obscure word!
3. If we’re still in the sticks exploring, a line should be dropped about how we’re currently outside Federation territory and would never reach the nearest starbase in time.

MCCOY: Jim, there's a large deposit bearing two seven three, four kilometres away. I've got four hours to process that stuff.

On rough terrain a person can walk about two miles per hour. Four kilometers means over an hour just to get there. Even if you’re going to tell me that there’s some interference in the atmosphere that prevented the ship’s sensors from triangulating more exactly from orbit, now that we’re on the ground we can beam back to the ship and then beam down closer. There must still be a few people on duty up there.

SPOCK: Strange. Readings indicate a life form in the vicinity, apparently human. Yet ship's sensors indicated this planet was uninhabited.

Okay, so there’s some interference in the atmosphere that prevents precise sensor contact. My problem is that a building with human inhabitants would generate enough disturbances to the surrounding environment that even inhibited sensors would notice something. Why would Flint build his compound to be invisible to everything around it?

KIRK: We're in need! We'll pay for it, work for it, trade for it.
FLINT: You have nothing I want.

I doubt this. I’m reminded of the miners in “Mudd’s Women.” You just can’t build a single building that is self-sufficient with only two people to change the fuses. He’s going to need more antimatter, or a new stock of raw material for the replicator, or even just the latest galactic news and publications. He took himself into exile thirty years ago; things have changed a lot since then. Wouldn’t he be interested in hearing about the Organian Peace Treaty or the reemergence of the Romulans?

MCCOY: Yes, a Shakespeare first folio. A Gutenberg Bible.

There are 235 copies of the First Folio around today; no doubt this number will decrease in three hundred years. A single copy is worth about four million dollars. Rough estimation of future inflation puts it at over 6 billion dollars. The value of a complete Gutenberg Bible is about 30 million dollars today, 50 billion in Kirk’s time.

But of course you’d assume that several copies of both will be destroyed in World War III, putting the value even higher.

SPOCK: This is the most splendid private collection of art I've ever seen, and the most unique. The majority are the works of Leonardo da Vinci, Renaissance period, some of the works of Reginald Pollack, 20th century, and even a sten from Marcus Two.

Da Vinci paintings are about fifty million each (eighty billion in the future). Pollack is fifty thousand (eighty million). Don’t ask me what a sten is worth.

RAYNA: What is loneliness?
FLINT: It is thirst. It is a flower dying in the desert.

Obligatory Brave Little Toaster clip.

MCCOY: What else interests you besides gravity phenomena, Rayna?
RAYNA: Everything. Less than that is betrayal of the intellect.

I’m reminded of Kamala for some reason.

RAYNA: You are the only other men I've ever seen.
MCCOY: The misfortune of men everywhere, and our privilege.

As SF Debris likes to say, McCoy is a player. Too bad he’s hitting on a girl young enough to be his daughter. Ick. Then again, he’s only forty-nine, which I suppose is still young by 23rd-century standards. Even so, I’ll stick with “Ick.”

KIRK: You said something about savagery, Mister Flint. When was the last time you visited Earth?
FLINT: You would tell me that it is no longer cruel. But it is, Captain. Look at your starship, bristling with weapons. Its mission to colonise, exploit, destroy, if necessary, to advance Federation causes.

I hate it when pacifists condemn Starfleet for possessing weapons. I get that enough from the Vulcan guest stars. If we sent out our exploratory ships without weapons, they’d get destroyed by the Klingons immediately. Just like not having money only works if nobody else does (I’m looking at you, Deep Space Nine), but not having weapons only works if everyone else agrees to not have weapons either.

KIRK: Yes, well, those pressures are everywhere in everyone, urging him to what you call savagery. The private hells, the inner needs and mysteries, the beast of instinct. As human beings, that is the way it is. To be human is to be complex. You can't avoid a little ugliness from within and from without.

Exactly. One wonders if TNG-era Gene would remove this episode from canon if he noticed this line.

Captain's log, stardate 5843.75. Have I committed a grave error in accepting Flint's word that he would deliver the antidote to us? The precious time I have let pass may result in disaster for the Enterprise and her crew.

Good line. Self-doubt is important for proper characterization and to prevent the boring overpowered syndrome that some people think makes Superman boring.

[Nate the Great]

KIRK: By what? Are you happy here with Flint?
RAYNA: He is the greatest, kindest, wisest man in the galaxy.

No, he’s not. The fact that he shot first and asked questions later speaks enough to that. Hopefully the intention isn’t that Flint taught her that all humans are worse than him.

KIRK: He seemed to want us together. The billiard game. He suggested we dance.
SPOCK: It does appear to defy the male logic as I understand it.

Insert obligatory “Logic in men? Ha!” joke and “Whoever said the human race was logical” quote here.

UHURA [OC]: The planet was purchased thirty years ago by a Mister Brack, a wealthy financier and recluse.

I’ll be returning to Micah Brack later.

SPOCK: I was able to run a tricorder scan on Mister Flint. He is human, but there are certain biophysical peculiarities. Some body function readings are disproportionate. For one thing, extreme age is indicated on the order of six thousand years.

Aging is caused by cumulative damage caused by errors being introduced during the cell division process. Assuming that Flint’s condition is caused by his cells continually regenerating themselves, there wouldn’t be further errors being introduced and the only age a tricorder should be able to detect is the age at which he became immortal. I’d be more in favor of Spock noting a strange variation in the body’s EM field, indicative of the regenerating factor.

SPOCK: We must commence ryetalyn injections within two hours and eighteen minutes or the epidemic will prove fatal to us all.

Everyone isn’t exposed to a disease at the same time, and the incubation and virulent phases vary per person as well. Anything with more precision than an hour is impossible. Couldn’t Spock just say that statistically speaking someone will die in about two hours?

KIRK: Childhood must end. You love me, not Flint.

Love? It’s been less than four hours! “You’re attracted to me, not Flint” is more than adequate for the immediate purpose.

FLINT: I am Brahms.
SPOCK: And da Vinci?
FLINT: Yes.
SPOCK: How many other names shall we call you?
FLINT: Solomon, Alexander, Lazarus, Methuselah, Merlin, Abramson. A hundred other names you do not know.

Brahms died of liver cancer; I suppose he could fake his death.
Da Vinci died of neurological damage from recurrent strokes; again fakeable.
Solomon died of natural causes. Alexander might’ve been poisoned, again fakeable.
Lazarus we have no clue, but the idea that he was resurrected because of his inherent immortality and not the power of Christ is disturbing. Personally I think the biblical figures should’ve been left out of the list. There are many Abramsons in history, none particularly noteworthy. I hope that this is guy is supposed to have lived between now and Kirk, probably directly before Brack.

(A model Enterprise appears on a table. Kirk peers in through the viewscreen to see everyone stationary)

The viewscreen is not a window! It never was, at least for the mainline universe. At best the viewscreen sensors default to a forward-looking view and those on the bridge could see him if they weren’t frozen, but Kirk could never see inside the bridge.

KIRK: Restore them. Restore my ship!
FLINT: In time. A thousand, two thousand years. You will know the future, Captain Kirk.

This is confusing. I jolly well hope the Federation will still exist in a thousand years, and there will still be nosy tourists waiting to stomp all over this planet.

SPOCK: She loved you, Captain. And you, too, Mister Flint, as a mentor, even as a father. There was not enough time for her to adjust to the awful power and contradictions of her new-found emotions. She could not bear to hurt either of you. The joys of love made her human, and the agonies of love destroyed her.

It’s a pop culture cliché that Kirk is always talking computers to death, but it only happened four times not counting this case: Landru, M-5, Nomad, and Norman.

MCCOY: Oh, those tricorder readings on Mister Flint are finally correlated: He's dying. You see, Flint, in leaving Earth with all of its complex fields within which he was formed, sacrificed immortality. He'll live the remainder of a normal life span, then die.

The problem here is that he’s been away from Earth at least thirty years, you’d think in that time he would’ve aged enough to notice before now.

MCCOY: I do wish he could forget her.
(McCoy leaves. Spock goes over to Kirk and initiates a mind meld)
SPOCK: Forget.

I call B.S. on this. Rayna isn’t one of the great loves of Kirk’s life, she’s not even top ten. Spock never make Kirk forget his love for Edith Keeler, or Elaan, or Miramanee, or Ruth, etc.

[Nate the Great]

The Fiver

Captain's Log: The Enterprise crew is suffering from Rigellian fever, which will kill us all in hours if left untreated. Fortunately, we just happen to be in orbit around the only planet in forty-seven bazillion light years with the cure. Even more fortunately, the planet appears to be uninhabited, and there are no foreseeable obstacles to success. Place your bets.
Sulu: 100 credits on Klingons.
Chekov: 75 on a gaseous space entity... OF CHAIRS!
Uhura: (shudder) All section heads report their bets are in, sir.
Safe money on non-corporeal being. To you, Spock.
Spock: I'm getting Trelane vibes. 500 credits on a super-powered hermit.

Ah, TOS Bingo, it’s a classic. My money is on lethal plants that will kill a redshirt in the first minute.

Ranya: I wanna see them, Flint!
Solomon: But you already can, on this John Ashcroft-style monitor.

I think this is supposed to be a post-9/11 paranoia joke. Confirmation, Wowwy?

McCoy: M4 should be done processing the Rytalyn by now. I'm gonna go get it.
Kirk: I've been thinking...
Spock: How unfortunate.

“LeFou, I’m afraid I’ve been thinking.” “A dangerous pastime...” “I know!”

Gene Roddenberry: Not until I kill him, "Amok Time"-style!
Kirk: Whoa, you're also Gene Roddenberry? That is a pretty paradox.
Arby's Oven Mitt: Oh. Hadn't thought of that. (is struck down by a bolt of lighting from the Logic Gods)

“The Babel Fish is a dead giveaway, isn’t it? It proves you exist and so, therefore, you don’t. QED.”
“Oh dear, I hadn’t thought of that.”

Rayna: Oh no, an Admiral Haftel complex! Non sequitur! Error! Error! GAK!

Poor Lal.

Spock: (gasp) That monster created life and ran it on Windows 2000!
Kirk: How dastardly! After all, Windows 98 would have run twice as well!
McCoy: I think you're missing the point.

There’s a time capsule joke for you. FYI I went from 98 to Me, so I missed out on 2000.

Memory Alpha

• If Flint being Lazarus is supposed to explain away the Christian god or the divinity of Jesus Christ, it failed miserably because Lazarus was not the only resurrection performed by Christ.
• A Brahms soundalike was composed for the music that Spock plays, even though real Brahms sheet music is present. Why you’d need a soundalike is beyond me, I think Brahms is firmly public domain by now.
• Q’s peering into the viewscreen in “Death Wish” is mentioned. However, I jolly well think that a member of the Q Continuum has the power to project their image onto a viewscreen and see what’s on the bridge without a window being present.
• In “Concerning Flight” Janeway mentions that Kirk met da Vinci, so Spock must’ve wiped Kirk’s mind of just his feelings for Rayna, not the entire mission on the planet.
• Here McCoy thinks that alcohol can make Spock drunk, while in Star Trek V he doesn’t. The easiest solution is to say that Star Trek V never happened.

Nitpicker’s Guide

• Why is a planet called Holberg 917G in the Omega System? It does sound like Holberg 917G means that this is the seventh planet of the 917th star system charted by Holberg, right? “Omega Sector” would be better, right?
• How could Kirk make Rayna happy? She couldn’t stay on the ship, and he would never ask for planetary duty. They’d never be together except for a few days every so often.
• Kirk can’t keep Flint a secret because he’s already recorded Captain’s Logs mentioning him.
• Phil says that if Flint shrunk the Enterprise down to a paperweight, it would crush the desk. In “Mudd’s Women” Scotty declares the ship to be almost a million gross tons. A gross ton is 2240 pounds instead of 2000. Over two billion pounds coming from this model would do more than crush the desk, it would probably sink all the way to the center of the planet. Either Flint is lying and this is a fake, or else whatever mechanism is keeping it here is also negating the mass.

Memory Beta

• Okay, now it’s time to talk about Micah Brack. The sadly completely non-canon novel Federation places him during Zephram Cochrane’s lifetime (the Federation version of Cochrane, FYI, not the First Contact version. In Federation Cochrane went to Alpha Centauri and back for his first warp flight). After Cochrane proves that warp drive is possible, Brack invests in various enterprises designed to get humanity out into space as soon as possible. By the time Brack’s partners figure out he’s throwing away piles of money, it’ll be too late: humanity will be out there and will need them. In fact, Cochrane marries Brack’s daughter.
• Another new identity for Flint is Emil Vaslovik, revealed in the novel “Immortal Coil.” A deliberate Questor Tapes reference, Vaslovik worked with Noonien Soong and Ira Graves on artificial intelligence. He deliberately faked his death in the episode to get Kirk off his trail. Vaslovik tries to create a new android girlfriend, too bad she falls in love with Data instead. I highly recommend the book.
• In a Star Trek/Legion of Superheroes comic crossover he is revealed to be the same person as Vandal Savage, who has used the power of Q to create an empire. Weird stuff.

[Nate the Great]

February 21st, 1969, "The Way to Eden"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=thewaytoeden) (by IJD GAF)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/75.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/The_Way_to_Eden_(episode))

The Episode

Captain's log, stardate 5832.3. The son of the Catullan ambassador is one of six we have beamed aboard from the stolen cruiser Aurora. We have been ordered to handle him with extreme delicacy, because the treaty negotiations now in progress between the Federation and Catualla are in a crucial phase.

This disturbs me. I get that diplomatic immunity has to exist for ambassadors who are doing their jobs. I don't think that should extend to family members, especially when said family members are nowhere near the ambassador. (Irrelevant aside, do you know about the time when James Brown (the "Ambassador of Soul")'s wife tried the diplomatic immunity gambit to beat traffic charges? (https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/brown-out-2/))

To save space, let's just say that in any rational world these guys would be in the brig within the hour for stealing the ship, refusing to reply when hailed, resisting arrest, disobeying ship's security, etc. And this need to arrest and confine will occur over and over for the rest of the episode.

CHEKOV: Sir, I believe I know one of them. At least, I think I recognise her voice. Her name is Irina Galliulin. We were in Starfleet Academy together.
KIRK: One of those was in the Academy?

This level of prejudice seems disjointed with Gene's vision of the future. Just because she's a hippie doesn't mean she can't be smart or disciplined when she wants to.

KIRK: Mister Spock, do they really believe that Eden exists?
SPOCK: Many myths are based on truth, Captain.

This sentiment appears may times all over the scifi genre and I hate it. If any "truth" was the start of a myth, it's so minor and removed from the present state of the myth that it's irrelevant.

KIRK: Doctor Sevrin is their leader?
SPOCK: Yes. A brilliant research engineer in the fields of acoustics, communications and electronics on Tiburon. He was dismissed from his post when he started this movement.

This confuses me. Was he fired for having unconventional philosophical beliefs, or for starting a quest that seems rather peaceful? The only threat seems to be from his disease. And by the by, there has to be a Federation world that is mostly untamed nature but still has an outpost to give him his booster shots, right?

SPOCK: There are many who are uncomfortable with what we have created. It is almost a biological rebellion. A profound revulsion against the planned communities, the programming, the sterilised, artfully balanced atmospheres.

This is a good idea to ponder. Even today we occasionally need to escape from technology and return to nature. I'm also reminded of Riker in "Time Squared"...

DATA: This is not an efficient method of preparing sustenance.
RIKER: Oh, you're right, Data. The ship's computer would be more efficient, but it wouldn't allow for the subtlety needed for great cooking. It would give you all of the ingredients in predetermined measurements, but it wouldn't allow for flair or individuality.

KIRK: The cave is deep in our memory.
SPOCK: Yes, that is true, Captain.

In this context the word "cave" brings to mind Plato's cave (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allegory_of_the_Cave), but I don't think that's what was intended.

CHEKOV: Why did you do it?
IRINA: Why did you?
CHEKOV: I am proud of what I am. I believe in what I do. Can you say that?
IRINA: Yes.

You may remember when I stumped the quote thread with this exchange. Chekov's message means something to me. We should all be proud (in the most positive sense of course) of what we are and believe in what we do.

MCCOY: But a regular programme of shots is necessary. I'll have to check everyone on the ship. There could be some skips. In the meantime, he should be placed in total isolation.
SEVRIN: This is outrageous. You're not isolating me, you're imprisoning me. You invent a crime, find me guilty and sentence me!

Sevrin, you are already guilty of crimes that are on the books. And this crime is not invented, it's also on the books! Shut up about being a wronged party!

KIRK: If it weren't for that ambassador's son, they'd all be in the brig.

Okay, so the ambassador's son is somehow immune, he seems to forget that the rest aren't! It stands to reason that he would choose to be in a cell with his people rather than all alone on the outside.

SEVRIN: Because this is poison to me. This stuff you breathe, this stuff you live in, the shields of artificial atmosphere that we have layered about every planet. The programs in those computers that run your ship and your lives for you, they bred what my body carries. That's what your science have done to me.

Here we go....

Accusation One: "This stuff you breath". You mean...unpolluted air? Is he accusing the Federation of putting docileness-inducing gases in the manufactured air?

Accusation Two: "The shield of artificial atmosphere that we have layered about every planet." This is patently absurd. The Federation would only colonize worlds that are Class M, and more specifically a comfortable subset of Class M. Perhaps a few planets have a few plants that inject a little extra oxygen into the atmosphere, but that's not a "shield of artificial atmosphere".

Accusation Three: "The programs in those computers that run your ship and your lives for you." Starfleet ships are not Borg cubes! If he means something akin to Sojef in Insurrection ("We believe when you create a machine to do the work of a man, you take something away from the man."), they could've been clearer about this.

RAD: Can you suggest any special ways to swing them?
ADAM: Just be friendly. You know how to be friendly. Then they'll be friendly.

It's a rare event when someone can sound sinister by declaring that they're going to be friendly. This may be a bad episode, but you can't dispute that they didn't know how to write multidimensional characters.

MCCOY: All this plant life is full of acid. Even the grass, Jim.

I'll just refer you to SF Debris' review to explain how stupid this is.

The Fiver

Chekov: Captain, I think I know one of those hippies. Her name was Irini Galliulin. She and I were in the Academy together.
Kirk: One of those was in the Academy?
Chekov: Yes sir. Just think of them as a proto-Maquis.
Kirk: I'd rather not.

That metaphor doesn't really work.

YouTube

Chekov's hand is burned by the acidic plants (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWIm20e32CU). I never noticed how fake his scream sounds, it reminds me of Benedick trying to sound like a bird (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbF7LVDKEqk&t=230s) in Much Ado About Nothing.
The meaning of Herbert (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQONBf9xMss)

[Nate the Great]

February 28th, 1969, "The Cloud Minders"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=thecloudminders) (by IJD GAF)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/74.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/The_Cloud_Minders_(episode))

The Episode

Captain's log, stardate 5818.4. A botanical plague is devastating a planet in the quadrant of the galaxy where the Enterprise is operating at present. It threatens to destroy the vegetation on the entire planet, leaving it uninhabitable.

I'm glad that the series is almost over, because this whole "we need something on Planet A to stop a disaster on Planet B" thing is really getting old. I'm not saying that this plot can't be done well, but the more times it's used the less likely it is that it will be done well. Furthermore, the idea that minerals can't be replicated is silly, just like the idea that the Federation wouldn't take medicinal plants from one world and transplant it to other worlds just in case.

KIRK: On Stratos? That's their cloud city, isn't it, Mister Spock?
SPOCK: It is, Captain.

Memory Alpha claims that Stratos uses antigravity technology to float. Putting aside the question of why a civilization would want to do that instead of a proper orbiting station (at that altitude you'd need a protective shield and contained atmosphere for increased warmth and oxygen levels), I question what purpose this achieves besides raising questions. Building the city on a mountaintop far above the clouds would serve the purpose just as well with fewer plot holes.

PLASUS: They agreed obviously as a ruse to get valuable hostages.
KIRK: Hostages? For what purpose?
PLASUS: To force the council to meet their demands.

The word "duh" comes to mind. I thought Kirk was supposed to be a tactical genius. Couldn't they have brought Chekov or someone to ask the question?

DROXINE: I have never before met a Vulcan, sir.
SPOCK: Nor I a work of art, madam.

Yikes, Spock. For a Vulcan this is practically laying it on with a trowel.

SPOCK [OC]: This troubled planet is a place of the most violent contrasts. Those who receive the rewards are totally separated from those who shoulder the burdens. It is not a wise leadership. Here on Stratos, everything is incomparably beautiful and pleasant. The High Advisor's charming daughter Droxine, particularly so. The name Droxine seems appropriate for her. I wonder, can she retain such purity and sweetness of mind and be aware of the life of the people on the surface of the planet? There, the harsh life in the mines is instilling the people with a bitter hatred. The young girl who led the attack against us when we beamed down was filled with the violence of desperation. If the lovely Droxine knew of the young miner's misery, I wonder how the knowledge would affect her.

How did spores get here from Omicron Ceti III? I question why Spock has to be the one in this position, he's not one to fall into infatuation this fast. Charvanek was much more compatible with him, and it took her hours to get this far with him. Ugh.

DROXINE: You only take a mate once every seven years?
SPOCK: The seven-year cycle is biologically inherent in all Vulcan�s. At that time, the mating drive outweighs all other motivations.
DROXINE: And is there nothing that can disturb that cycle, Mister Spock?
SPOCK: Extreme feminine beauty is always disturbing, madam.

As Phill Farrand says in the Nitpicker's Guide, the pon farr was supposed to be a secret to anyone not related in some way to the Vulcans. I'm not going to address the question of whether or not Vulcans ever mate for pleasure, but it doesn't seem likely. Why is Spock being written this badly?

PLASUS: Troglytes are not like Stratos dwellers, Mister Spock. They're a conglomerate of inferior species. The abstract concepts of an intellectual society are beyond their comprehension.

It's been noted again and again that a necessary first step in "rationalizing" prejudice is convincing the oppressors that the oppressed are a lesser sort of being. I get the moral that is trying to be taught, but it's hard when we only see a few of these people, and those that we do see are terrorists who are resistant to any solution other than violence. The moral is hard to tell when both sides aren't presented as real, rational people.

Captain's log, star date 5819.0. More than eight hours have passed since the consignment of zenite disappeared and we have still found no trace of it. We've received word from Merak Two that the plague is spreading rapidly. Delivery of the zenite is imperative within twelve hours or all life on the planet will be annihilated.

I hate these arbitrary "the plot must be resolved in X hours or thousands will die" deadlines. They aren't needed. Starfleet hostages are enough, the serious accusation by a group of people on a Federation (or at least Federation-aligned) world is enough.

KIRK: Lieutenant Uhura, advise Starfleet command that the zenite has not been delivered. In my opinion, Plasus' method of accomplishing delivery will not succeed. If the zenite is not delivered shortly, I shall have to violate Plasus' order of non-interference and win the confidence of the Troglyte leader with the use of reason.

MCCOY: That may not be easy, Jim. Medical analysis indicates the Troglytes are mentally inferior.
KIRK: That's impossible, Bones. The Troglytes have accepted personal sacrifice, a common cause. Mentally inferior beings aren't capable of that.
MCCOY: Look, I've checked my findings thoroughly. Their intellect ratings are almost twenty percent below average.

The question "so?" comes to mind. Even if these guys are permanently on the level of Pakleds, so what? They're sentient beings that are being oppressed, that's enough.

The Fiver

Captain's Log: A mysterious disease is ravaging the quadrant. How it successfully traversed the vacuum of space is anyone's guess.

Exactly.

Spock: Why do you not trust Advisor Plasus' coordinates?
Kirk: I knew the guy once. He was a scoundrel.

Plasus is played by Jeff Corey, who appeared with William Shatner and John deLancie (and Alexi Roshenko actor Theodore Bikel) in a 1977 TV miniseries called Testimony of Two Men. This is what's called an overly obscure joke. Did anyone other than IJD GAF ever get this one?

Spock: It appears that the shipment of zienite has not arrived on schedule.
Kirk: I could tell by the lack of zienite and Troglodyte miners.
Vanna: Grr! That's Troglyte!
Kirk: Ah, a diet caveman.
Vanna: That's it, we're capturing you.

Puns are always fun. I wonder what a drink called "Troglyte" would taste like...

Kirk: I've beamed to your cell to tell you about these masks.
Vanna: Ooo. Will they make us smarter?
Kirk: Yep. Unless you're Jim Carrey.

I never even watched that movie, but I saw enough trailers and reviews and so forth that it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Yet another time capsule joke.

Memory Alpha

* David Gerrold comments on the original idea and how it was dumbed down for the screen.
* Not only is Spock being un-Vulcan with his discussion of the pon farr, but he expresses pride, which is another emotion.

Nitpickers Guide

* Phil is skeptical that Droxine will last very long in the mines before giving up and going home.
* Phil also speculates that perhaps Spock's brain not being reattached correctly might explain some of his behavior here.

[Nate the Great]

March 7th, 1969, "The Savage Curtain"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=thesavagecurtain) (by IJD GAF)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/77.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/The_Savage_Curtain_(episode))

The Episode

MCCOY: What's all this poppycock about life forms on this planet, Spock? The surface is molten lava. The atmosphere is poisonous.

You've seen Horta, Bones! Lifeforms exist that don't need Class M conditions.

LINCOLN [on viewscreen]: No need to check your voice telegraph device.

This kind of thing irks me. Supposedly this guy is an exact reproduction of Abraham Lincoln, and he knows about aliens and space travel and so forth, yet remains shackled to 19th-century language on a sporadic basis.

Incidentally, Western Union stopped offering telegrams in 2006, but you can still send them in many countries.

SPOCK: Fascinating.
LINCOLN [on viewscreen]: I have been described in many ways, Mister Spock, but never with that word.

Good use of characterization on both sides. Sometimes I think Spock defaults to that word and uses it via reflex. A sign that he's not quite 100% Vulcan in his thinking.

LINCOLN [on viewscreen]: Do you still measure time in minutes?
KIRK: We can convert to it, sir.

This is odd. At 1000 stardate units per year, a minute would be 0.0019 stardate units. That's why they still use minutes and hours. I wonder what this exchange was supposed to accomplish besides making the writing staff look like idiots.

KIRK: Security, send a detachment to the transporter room immediately, phaser side arms, and be prepared to give presidential honours.
MCCOY: Jim, do you really believe he's Abraham Lincoln?
KIRK: It's obvious he believes it. Doctor McCoy, Mister Spock, full dress uniforms.

One, "phaser side arms"? As opposed to what, slingshot side arms? Two, they can change into dress uniforms and set up presidential honors in ten minutes? I find this dubious.

SCOTT: Full dress? Presidential honours? What is this nonsense, Mister Dickerson?
DICKERSON: I understand President Lincoln's coming aboard, sir.
SCOTT: Ha! You're daft, man.
DICKERSON: All I know is what the captain tells me, and he says he'll have the hide of the first man that so much as smiles.

Did Kirk squeeze in a briefing with the security team, too? So many questions could be avoided if the time had been extended to half an hour or whatever.

Pointless aside, I sent several minutes trying to Do The Math regarding orbit elevations, orbital speed, transporter ranges, etc. I eventually concluded that this is ridiculous. The idea that a ship in orbit has to maintain the same speed or elevation all the time is beyond silly. Sure, when there's no urgency the ship will assume geostationary orbit around whatever location the landing party beamed down to, but in a case like this the ship is fully capable of moving to whatever point in orbit is necessary to access the necessary point on the surface. Furthermore, while it's useful to indicate a point on the surface in relation to the current speed of the ship, they should've have indicated that Kirk has to beam down the instant they're above the given point. Simply indicating a point on the planet's surface in terms of longitude and latitude relative to the ship's current position (the "Prime Meridian") would've been much more reasonable.

SCOTT: President Lincoln, indeed. No doubt to be followed by Louis of France and Robert the Bruce.
(Kirk and Spock enter)
KIRK: If so, we'll execute appropriate honours to each, Mister Scott.
SCOTT: Aye, sir.

I also wonder if this is simply a joke, or if Starfleet regulations include honors for these specific positions, or if they imported the regulations from older organizations like the U.S. Navy, or if Kirk was referring to generic "head of a country on a planet" honors.

SCOTT: Locked on to something. Does that appear human to you, Mister Spock?
SPOCK: Fascinating. For a moment, it appeared almost mineral. Like living rock with heavy fore claws. It's settling down now to completely human readings.

So one of Yarnek's people has shapeshifted to resemble Lincoln. I'm not sure if I prefer this to a simple illusion.

LINCOLN: Strange. Where are the musicians?
KIRK: That's taped music, sir. A starship on active duty never carries an honour detachment.

Odd, I'd think the flagship of the fleet could have a handful of people trained to perform military music with live instruments. Playing recorded music in a situation like this seems...insulting, somehow.

LINCOLN: A most interesting way to come aboard, Captain. What was the device used?
KIRK: An energy-matter scrambler, sir. The molecules in your body are converted into energy, then beamed into this chamber and reconverted back into their original pattern.

While Kirk describes the transporter fairly well, the "scrambler" part confuses me. Is "converter" beyond Lincoln's vocabulary?

SCOTT: You heard Mister Spock yourself. Mineral he called it, like living rock.
MCCOY: And that became Lincoln?
SCOTT: I couldn't tell. It may have been another figure down there standing by. What do you make of it?
MCCOY: I'm not quite sure.

What's the point of this scene? I jolly well expect Scotty to know how to scan whatever he's about to transport. Not only does this make Scotty look like an idiot, it's setting up a Chekov's gun that never pays off!

LINCOLN: What a charming negress. Oh, forgive me, my dear. I know in my time some used that term as a description of property.
UHURA: But why should I object to that term, sir? You see, in our century we've learned not to fear words.

The problem here is that while it sounds well and progressive, it doesn't work given what else we know about the Trek universe. Heck, the hippies were tossing around "Herbert" just a few weeks ago! And then you've got the Cardies and spoonheads of the future.

KIRK: We've each learned to be delighted with what we are. The Vulcans learned that centuries before we did.

So is Kirk exaggerating with the use of "delighted" in reference to Vulcans, or did the Vulcans learn the lesson in the pre-Surak era?

SPOCK: It is basic to the Vulcan philosophy, sir. The combination of a number of things to make existence worthwhile.

I wonder why they wouldn't take the chance to bring up IDIC again. Actually, it would've been nice if Surak was wearing the prop (I wonder what happened to it...).

KIRK: Yes, of course he's an alien.
MCCOY And he's potentially dangerous.
SCOTT: Mad. Loony as an Arcturian dogbird.

How do you get from "dangerous" to "insane"? Lincoln has already demonstrated that he or an ally has phenomenal powers, I'd be more willing to go with "programmed puppet" than "human slave who can gone insane, altered his appearance to Lincoln's, and hijacked his master's equipment to perform these feats".

MCCOY: Yes, a big one. Suddenly, miraculously, we see a small spot of Earth-type environment down there. Now is it really there, or do we just think we see it down there?
SCOTT: You might beam down into a sea of molten lava.

So beam a probe down to confirm the environment. I don't think the Excalbians would object to that.

KIRK: The very reason for the existence of our starships is contact with other life. Although the method is beyond our comprehension, we have been offered contact. Therefore, I shall beam down.

Exactly. Although I'd still beam a probe down first...

[Nate the Great]

SPOCK: As I turned and my eyes beheld you, I displayed emotion. I beg forgiveness.
SURAK: The cause was more than sufficient. Let us speak no further of it.

I prefer TOS Vulcans to almost any other Vulcan in Trek. As SF Debris put it, emotionless doesn't mean lifeless.

SURAK: In my time, we knew not of Earth men. I am pleased to see that we have differences. May we together become greater than the sum of both of us.

This line has stuck with me for most of my life. It may not be one of the great Trek quotes, but the meaning grows the more you think about it. Another unspoken reference to the IDIC.

ROCK: The confrontation of the two opposing philosophies you term good and evil. Since this is our first experiment with Earthlings, our theme is a simple one. Survival, life and death. Your philosophies are alien to us, and we wish to understand them and discover which is the stronger.

While the experiment of good vs. evil is an old and rather hackneyed scifi trope, my biggest problem with the idea is that this is hardly good vs. evil, it's survival. As Odo says, "The one thing I've learned about humanoids is that in extreme situations, even the best of you are capable of doing terrible things." Furthermore, "willing to kill to survive" doesn't equate to "evil" in the simplistic terms that the Excalbians seem to want.

MCCOY: Can we beam the captain and Spock back up?
SCOTT: We don't have the power. They'll come aboard a mass of dying flesh.

If you don't have the power the transporter won't even engage, and even if you force it they just won't materialize. Yeah, yeah, I remember the scene in STTMP, but I'd rather consider that whole movie noncanon, if only to excise those awful uniforms from canon.

KIRK: What do you want?
GREEN: The same thing as you do, to get out of here.

Now this is weird. Where is Green planning on going? Does he think he's been transported here from World War III and has a life to get back to? So many questions...

KIRK: That rock-like thing is our enemy, not those illusions.

What is it with TOS episodes and naming redshirts with no more than one line but refusing to name much more important characters in spoken dialogue? Seriously!

KIRK [OC]: What caused the red alert?
UHURA: I don't know yet, sir.

The ship heating up caused the red alert, you don't know the cause yet! Do these scripts get proofread or not?

SCOTT [OC]: We're on emergency battery power only.

KIRK: What happened?

[Bridge]

SCOTT: I can't explain it, sir, but the matter and antimatter are in red zone proximity.
KIRK [OC]: What caused that?
SCOTT: There's no knowing and there's no stopping it either. The shielding is breaking down. I estimate four hours before it goes completely. Four hours before the ship blows up.

So auxiliary (AKA impulse) reactors don't exist yet AND you can't dump the animatter manually? Who's the numnut that designed this ship anyway? Leah Brahms would've had this guy fired for even suggesting such a ship's design.

KIRK: Scotty, inform Starfleet Command. Disengage nacelles, Jettison if possible.

Whether or not this was an oblique reference to saucer separation capabilities, I must point out that jettisoning the nacelles isn't going to solve much. There's no antimatter in the nacelles, just warp plasma!

KIRK: There's nothing immoral about fighting an illusion, Mister Spock. We play their game, fight, or lose the ship and all the crewmen aboard.
SPOCK: And if they're real, Captain?

Then you defend yourself. We've seen plenty of Vulcans have no problem killing in battle, or even just to gain a mate. Get off your high horse, Spock. If you were that much of a pacifist you never would've made it this far in Starfleet.

KIRK: Thank you. Thank you. Mister Spock, we'll need weapons. I believe the ancient Vulcans made something like a boomerang?
SPOCK: Yes, Captain.

You need either a proper knife or sufficient time to carve a boomerang, neither of which they have. If they had a proper knife, they'd just use it. And if they had sufficient time, setting booby-traps around a home base would've been more effective.

SURAK: In my time on Vulcan, we also faced these same alternatives. We'd suffered devastating wars which nearly destroyed our planet. Another was about to begin. We were torn. But out of our suffering some of us found the discipline to act. We sent emissaries to our opponents to propose peace. The first were killed, but others followed. Ultimately we achieved peace, which has lasted since then.

I thought that the proto-Romulans were exiled. Besides, you hardly have the time or the ambassadors to spare in this case. What is Surak's argument again?

SURAK: Surely it is more logical to heal than kill.
KIRK: I'm afraid that kind of logic doesn't apply here.
SURAK: That is precisely why we should not fight.

Will becoming martyrs save the Enterprise? I have no doubt that if Kirk and Spock were presented with that option they'd take it, but they haven't.

GREEN: How can I believe that? No one talks peace unless he's ready to back it up with war.
SURAK: He talks peace if it is the only way to live.

I wonder if there is a Vietnam allegory somewhere in here.

KIRK: Your Surak is a brave man.
SURAK: Men of peace usually are, Captain.

It's exchanges like this that helped immortalize TOS.

ROCK: You are the survivors. The others have run off. It would seem that evil retreats when forcibly confronted. However, you have failed to demonstrate to me any other difference between your philosophies. Your good and your evil use the same methods, achieve the same results. Do you have an explanation?

Yes, this was a fight for survival, not a fight between good and evil. At least the Beyonder in Spider-Man TAS set up a more reasonable scenario!

KIRK: What did you offer the others if they won?
ROCK: What they wanted most. Power.
KIRK: You offered me the lives of my crew.
ROCK: I perceive.

I like it when Kirk can teach a lesson with words. He also does it better when he uses few words but leads the other person through the chain of logic. When he tries Picard-style speeches it inevitably turns into a pile of hammy preaching.

KIRK: What gives you the right to hand out life and death?
ROCK: The same right that brought you here. The need to know new things.
KIRK: We came in peace.
ROCK: And you may go in peace.

I wonder if the Excalbians could fit as a Federation member.

SCOTT: The ship is functioning normally again, sir, and the restart cycle is in operation. You'd never know anything had been out of order. I can't fathom it.
KIRK: Mister Sulu.
SULU: We should be on warp power within thirty minutes, sir.

I thought Scotty found a way that was faster than thirty minutes back in "The Naked Time"!

The Fiver

Lincoln: Just beam me aboard Air Force One.
Spock: There is no ship with said name in the area.
Kirk: No, but there will be once he's aboard! Kirk to Scotty, energize!

Wouldn't it be NASA One when a President finally goes into space?

Kirk: Yes. Now to figure out why our weapons were left behind. Are you a perverted Ferengi transporter chief, Mr. Lincoln?

A Menage a Troi reference, neat. I suddenly wonder why IJD GAF didn't include a Roberta Lincoln reference.

Lincoln: Surak? Surraaaaaaak? Hey, Pointy! It's me, honest!

Should've been "Pointy-Ears", but whatever.

Spock: It appears the creatures of the planet could manipulate matter at will, and built the characters out of our own expectations of them.
Kirk: Interesting... and if I expect to see an Orion slave girl on my lap right now?
(POOF)
Tinky Winky: Gagahehe-zeeday!
Spock: ...then you get smitten by parody.

First, curse you IJD for reminding me of the Teletubbies. Second, Tinky Winky is the purple one, the green one is Dipsy (and yes I had to look this stuff up, don't ever accuse me of watching Teletubbies! I feel enough shame for watching Barney way longer than I ever should've.). Of course, both Tinky Winky and Dipsy are boys, but these are hardly the worst aspects of this scenario.

Memory Alpha

* There were attempts to get Mark Lenard to play Lincoln (which would've been cool, as he would've played each of the four main Trek races), but he had scheduling conflicts.
* Another reference to TOS taking place in the 22nd century. Series bible rant, moving on...
* Kahless appears as a human-type Klingon despite this occurring before ENT. Instead of bringing up ENT I'd rather go with "nobody on the Enterprise knew what he looked like, and the computer didn't have a picture either, so the Excalbians had to kludge together an illusion based on what the Enterprise crew thinks he looks like."
* In 2014 a celebrity tweeted the no honorable way to kill line thinking it was an authentic Lincoln quote. It reminds me of the equally fictional Lincon quote from Pollyanna, "If you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it, you surely will." At the time Roy Disney actually made souvenir lockets with the quote in it to sell before being told that it was made up!

Nitpickers Guide

* If Lincoln has no knowledge of technology past his lifetime, why did he walk towards a door without a knob knowing it would open?
* How does Kirk not know who Surak is?
* Phil was quick to point out previous ordinary uses of minutes and miles.

[Nate the Great]

I seem to have skipped "That Which Survives" back on January 24th. Oops. I'll have to do that one later.

March 14th, 1969, "All Our Yesterdays"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=allouryesterdays) (by Marc)
Script (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/78.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/All_Our_Yesterdays_(episode))

The Episode

Captain's log, Stardate 5943.7. We have calculated that Beta Niobe will go nova in approximately three and a half hours. Its only satellite, Sarpeidon, is a Class M planet, which at last report was inhabited by a civilised humanoid species. Now our instruments show that no intelligent life remains on the planet.

One, it'll be mentioned later that these people have no space travel, so where's at least a token mention of the Prime Directive? Meaningless aside, there's at least one novel that has an alien race that perfected antimatter reactors and otherwise have everything necessary to make a warp ship, but never actually invented one. The question arises, is this enough to initiate First Contact?

Two, I would never want to be anywhere near a star that is about to go nova, no matter how confident Spock is in his figures.

Three, if the sensors say nobody's down there and the sun is about to blow, leave! I don't care if it's three and a half hours or three and a half days! Scientific curiosities are not worth risking the lives of the crew!

And once again, the problem could be eliminated through dialogue WITHOUT SPENDING A CENT! Aside for Mr. Atoz, there's no reason why the sun can't go nova a few weeks from now. The ship would still want to rescue the crew, and they'd still want to get out of here ASAP just in case.

ATOZ: You, sir, what is your particular field of interest?
KIRK: What about recent history?
ATOZ: Really? Oh, that's too bad. We have so little on recent history. There was no demand for it.

Ugh. I haven't seen a library yet that doesn't keep a set of recent newspapers around just in case.

KIRK: How long till nova?
SPOCK: Three hours, thirteen minutes.

Spock is precise, so this is the time until nova. However, you have to factor in the travel time for the energy wave or whatever to reach the planet, etc. Furthermore, why isn't Spock pointing out that it would be logical to leave now that we know everyone is safe?

KIRK [OC]: Spock, are you in the library?
SPOCK: Indeed not. We're in a wilderness of arctic characteristics.
MCCOY: He means it's cold.

This joke seems a bit forced. Spock can be verbose, but this time it seems like the writer turned up the obtuseness a bit too far.

ZARABETH: It was not enough that he execute my kinsmen. Zor Kahn determined to destroy our entire family. He used the atavachron to send us places no one could ever find us.

And this is easier than simply executing her family?

JUDGE: We can never go back. We must live out our lives here in the past. The atavachron has prepared our cell structure and our brain patterns to make life natural here. To return to the future would mean instant death.
KIRK: Prepared? I was not prepared. Your Mister Atoz did not prepare me in any way.
JUDGE: Then you must get back at once! If you were not transformed, you can only survive for a few hours here in the past. Come. Hurry. Hurry.

This "preparation" bit confuses me. You're sending people to other points in history, what's there to prepare? Off the top of my head the only thing that springs to mind is altering the physiology to cope with the natural diseases of the time period, but it stands to reason that Federation medical science is advanced enough to immunize Starfleet officers to avoid this problem on alien planets already.

If the idea is instead just to install a killswitch in the body to prevent a return trip, I don't understand the "if you're unprepared and you stay, you die" bit.

KIRK: How much time before the sun blows up?
SCOTT [OC]: Seventeen minutes. You three had better come back right away.

For the sake of argument let's say that the atavachron is one of those "spend X minutes in the past, come back X minutes later than when you left" time machines. Yeah, this doesn't work given the chronology of events given so far. But of course the real question is why Mr. Atoz hung around an empty planet for over two hours when he had a chance to escape.

ZARABETH: Yes. He gave me weapons, a shelter, food. Everything I needed to live except companionship. He did not want it said that he had me killed. But to send me here alone, if that is not death, what is? A very inventive mind, that man.

Exactly, this place is a fate worse than death. And why is Zor Kahnso obsessed with his public image? I kinda thought that tyrants had lots of guns to avoid issues like that.

SPOCK: You are beautiful. More beautiful than any dream of beauty I've ever known.
(He lays her down and .... sets the scene for many fan-fictions)

We'll be covering their kid later.

MCCOY: Spock, you're reverting into your ancestors five thousand years before you were born!

Absurd science, moving on...

The Fiver

Spock: This planet's star will explode in approximately three and a half hours.
Kirk: All right -- then we'll stay on the planet for precisely three and a half hours.
McCoy: Jim, can I explain something about the word "approximately"?

Exactly!

Atoz: I sent them all to safety, one by one, in a race against time.
Kirk: How?
Atoz: In alphabetical order, of course.
McCoy: I bet that all your zekes and Zeldas were thrilled with that policy.

"Race against time" sounds like a reference to something, too bad there are a lot of things named "Race Against Time". I was also reminded of Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged by this scene.

Atoz: Wait! You're not prepared!
(FZONK!)
McCoy: Jim! Spock, let's go after him!
Atoz: I said wait!
(FZONK-FZONK!)

Where did "FZONK" come from?

McCoy: Where the heck are we?
Spock: This icy wasteland resembles Rura Penthe.
McCoy: Never heard of it.
Spock: Count yourself fortunate.

I didn't know that Archer went to Rura Penthe, I also didn't know that the name is a reference to the Disney version of 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea. The Kelvinverse won't be mentioned in detail since it were made after the fiver.

McCoy: That's a woman? How can you tell?
Spock Because I feel the stirring of my Vulcan blood.

Ew. One wonders if the pon farr was created after the age of Surak.

Kirk: Mr. Atoz's Atavachron didn't prepare me before I came here.
Prosecutor: Oh no! Then you must get back to the library immediately!
Kirk: Gladly -- but why the rush?
Prosecutor: Think "substantial fines imposed for late returns."

I'm a fan of library humor.

McCoy: I didn't know you ate chicken, Spock.
Spock: Normally not, but in the absence of steak tartare it will have to do.

So if Spock has to eat meat, he'd rather eat raw meat? I'd imagine that the ancient Vulcans would've seen the logic of cooking their meat faster than humans did.

McCoy: Spock, I'm very sorry about Zarabeth. Are you back to your usual logical self?
Spock: Of course. After all, she has been dead and buried for five thousand years.
McCoy: That's what you call logic? Buried by whom?
Spock: Uh...good question.

Zar buried her, of course.

Memory Alpha

* No appearance by Sulu, Chekov, or Uhura, and Scotty is just a voiceover. I don't like this. Frankly I would've dropped the inane Kirk-in-the-Middle-Ages plot and had the rest of the cast search for Spock and McCoy a la Past Tense. There's no reason for Mr. Atoz to stay after sending the three back, so the crew would find and use the empty library to look for Spock and McCoy.
* No interior shots of the Enterprise. Ugh.
* As SF Debris pointed out, this episode has the latest stardate in TOS.
* Only appearance of time travel affecting the mental state of time travelers. The destruction of the Intrepid is brought up. It's a somewhat terrifying thought: all Vulcans are subconsciously connected via a telepathic network and can affect each other.
* If the time portal turned off the phaser, how come McCoy's medical equipment still works?

Memory Beta

Okay, time to bring up Zar, son of Spock and Zarabeth. He appears in the novels "Yesterday's Son" and "Time For Yesterday." I won't reveal too many details as you should read the books for yourselves, but a summary: Spock uses the Guardian of Forever to go back for him, but Zar eventually goes back, albeit to the populated part of the planet. Eventually Zar becomes a benevolent sort of warlord, attempting to introduce technology and knowledge from the Enterprise to improve the lives of the people. Oh, and Spock will eventually be a grandfather!

Nitpicker's Guide

Why does Zarabeth look like this (https://www.google.com/search?safe=active&q=zarabeth&tbm=isch&source=univ&client=firefox-b-1-d&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwizvbq01IHhAhVI9YMKHTLWDlEQ7Al6BAgAEA0&biw=1173&bih=778&dpr=1.09#imgrc=nWfelsXcAnuFVM:) if she expected to be alone for the rest of her life?

[Nate the Great]

January 24th, 1969, "That Which Survives"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=thatwhichsurvives) (by Derek)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/69.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/That_Which_Survives_(episode))

The Episode

SPOCK: The age of this planet would seem to be only a few thousand years. It would be impossible for vegetation to evolve in so short a period.
KIRK: Its size is approximately that of Earth's moon.
SPOCK: But its mass and atmosphere are similar to Earth.
KIRK: That would be difficult to explain.
SPOCK: It would be impossible, Captain. An atmosphere could not evolve in so short a period of time.
KIRK: And yet it has.
SPOCK: Evidently. But the inconsistencies are so compounded as to present a seemingly impossible phenomenon.

Those wily Magratheans have been hard at work it seems. Once again a TOS episode starts with questions that will never be answered. Grrr....

SULU: What kind of earthquakes do they have in this place?
KIRK: I don't know. Any more like that and they'll tear this planet apart.

Obviously not, or else the planet wouldn't be here for you to visit. Unless you're going to claim that this earthquake doesn't have a natural cause and this is really the first one this strong.

D'AMATO: Captain, this tremor we felt, if that's what it was, it's certainly like no seismic disturbance I've ever felt before. I got a reading of almost immeasurable power, but it's not there any more.
KIRK: Could seismic stress have accounted for it?

If a tricorder can't tell the difference between a power source and seismic stress, you need to return it for a refund.

MCCOY: Could it be the Enterprise hit the planet?
SULU: Once in Siberia there was a meteor so great that it flattened whole forests and was felt as far away as
KIRK: Mister Sulu, if I'd wanted a Russian history lesson, I'd have brought along Mister Chekov.

Burn! This is probably in reference to the Tunguska Event (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tunguska_event). 770 square miles of forests.

AHDA: It doesn't make any sense. But somehow I'd say that in a flash we've been knocked one thousand light years away from where we were.
SPOCK: Nine hundred and ninety point seven light years to be exact, Lieutenant.
SCOTT: But that's not possible. Nothing can do that.

The only thing I can think of that can do this would be Q. A thousand light years is about as far as a ship goes in a year in the 24th century. For the 23th century we're probably talking about closer to two. Yet another indication that TOS speeds are way faster than TNG speeds, when both the center and edge of the galaxy aren't considered extremely distant journeys.

SULU: All vegetation is inedible. Poison to us.

I hate nonsense like this. First, Sulu can't have scanned all possible plantlife within easy walking distance in so short a time. Second, plants get poisonous because of natural selection, the ones that don't prove poisonous to the local wildlife tend to get eaten. No animals mean no poison.

KIRK: Yes. I don't see any water, but there must be some to grow the vegetation. A source of water would stretch our survival.

Yeah, by a matter of a few days. It's stuff like this that suggests that the crew are idiots for not beaming down to uninhabited planets without taking at least a backpack survival kit. Surely one of the redshirts could carry some energy bars, a tarp to extract water from the atmosphere, a blanket, etc.

SULU: Poor D'Amato. What a terrible way to die.
KIRK: There are no good ways, Sulu.

Fair enough, but some ways are better than others and Kirk's line almost seems like preaching. Are we sure Gene wasn't around this season?

RAHDA: We're holding warp eight point four, sir. If we can maintain it, our estimated time of arrival is eleven and one half solar hours.

They're implying that Warp 8 in TOS can cover a thousand light years in 12 hours. I did the math before discovering that Memory Alpha did it for me (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Warp_factor). 765,000 times the speed of light, faster than any other method of travel that's not caused by Kes or Q. And of course the big problem is that the thousand light years wasn't required and was clearly only put there to imply a large distance.

Using the usual TOS warp speed equation (http://www.anycalculator.com/warpcalculator.htm), this distance takes almost two years. A reasonable twelve hour high warp distance in TOS would be...wait for it...2 light years. Not quite as dramatic a number, is it? Another site (http://www.st-minutiae.com/resources/warp/index.html) says that to achieve these kinds of speeds you're talking warp factor 90 or so.

FYI, if the Kelvans modified the engines to do the journey to the Andromeda galaxy (2.537 million ly) in three hundred years, that's about warp factor 9.5. TLDR, this thousand light year thing is absolutely insane.

KIRK: We've got to figure this out and devise a defence against it. Is it possible that the rocks have life?
SULU: You remember on Janus Six, the silicon creatures
MCCOY: But our instruments recorded that. They were life forms. They registered as life forms.

It's nice to hear a reference to the Horta.

KIRK: This planet has no magnetic field.

Absolutely insane. I can't imagine why someone would build a planet without a magnetic field. Were the Magratheans too busy so the second-stringers had to be brought in?

UHURA: Yes, sir. Mister Spock what are the chances of the captain and the others being alive?
SPOCK: Lieutenant, we are not engaged in gambling.

Huh? He did this very thing back in the Horta episode! Spock can calculate these kinds of odds in less time than it took to say that sentence!

SCOTT: I've sealed off the aft end of the service crawlway, and I've positioned explosive separator charges to blast me clear of the ship if I rupture the magnetic bottle. I'm so close to the flow now it feels like ants crawling all over my body.

So I guess saucer separation really isn't a thing yet. As for plasma flow, Geordi didn't find it nearly this unpleasant (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73sgRKrbRas).

SPOCK: Please do not take your eyes off of it. Lieutenant Rahda, arm the pod jettison system.
RAHDA: Aye, sir. I'll jettison the pod at the first sign of trouble.

So wait, did Scotty set up charges, or are they using a built-in system like the one that supposedly killed Finney?

The Fiver

D'Amato: I don't think it's actually a Genesis planet, sir. I mean, the Genesis project hasn't even been started yet.

I'm pretty sure it has. The real question is whether Carol is still experimenting in a lab or if the asteroid cavern has been started yet.

Losira: That not important. I am for you, Lieutenant D'Amato.
D'Amato: A metamorph? Sweet.

Coincidentally I watched SF Debris' review of The Perfect Mate just the other day.

Sulu: Since he's dead, no use in him going to waste, right?
Kirk: Mr. Sulu, I'm am offended at your insinuation. Offended!

I'm not very fond of cannibalism jokes unless they're actually funny. Like the old one about them not eating clowns because they taste funny...

Scotty: If by "intentional" you mean "sabotage", then yes. We may not be able to stop.
Spock: No worries. We can just use the kemacite in our cargo hold.
Scotty: We're out of kemacite.

Nice Little Green Men reference, but I'd have had Scotty make a punchline about how it doesn't arrive until Tuesday.

Losira: I am for you, James Kirk.
Kirk: I bet you're a copy of the woman that left you here, aren't you? And it's such a perfect copy that you don't really want to kill me, do you?
Losira: What makes you say that, Kirk-unit?

STTMP, too? The desire to bring out my TOS Bingo card has come back.

Nitpickers Guide

* The only time Kirk has refused a beautiful woman's advances. Surely something to record in the log!

[NAHTMMM]

The Fiver

Captain's Log: The Enterprise crew is suffering from Rigellian fever, which will kill us all in hours if left untreated. Fortunately, we just happen to be in orbit around the only planet in forty-seven bazillion light years with the cure. Even more fortunately, the planet appears to be uninhabited, and there are no foreseeable obstacles to success. Place your bets.
Sulu: 100 credits on Klingons.
Chekov: 75 on a gaseous space entity... OF CHAIRS!
Uhura: (shudder) All section heads report their bets are in, sir.
Safe money on non-corporeal being. To you, Spock.
Spock: I'm getting Trelane vibes. 500 credits on a super-powered hermit.

Ah, TOS Bingo, it’s a classic. My money is on lethal plants that will kill a redshirt in the first minute.
Yep, that whole scene is classic.

February 28th, 1969, "The Cloud Minders"
[...]

I'm glad that the series is almost over, because this whole "we need something on Planet A to stop a disaster on Planet B" thing is really getting old.
And it kept appearing in TNG.

The Fiver

[...]

Spock: Why do you not trust Advisor Plasus' coordinates?
Kirk: I knew the guy once. He was a scoundrel.

Plasus is played by Jeff Corey, who appeared with William Shatner and John deLancie (and Alexi Roshenko actor Theodore Bikel) in a 1977 TV miniseries called Testimony of Two Men. This is what's called an overly obscure joke. Did anyone other than IJD GAF ever get this one?
No, but I just took it as a Lando Calrissian reference, so it wasn't wasted.

Spock: So let me get this straight. The troglytes desire only equality?
Vanna: That's right.
Kirk: No, no. S&M has nothing to do with equality....
Spock: (ignoring Kirk) Then why are you withholding the zienite shipment? We're not here to oppress you.
Kirk: Yeah! We're here to undress you!
Droxine: I wanna be undressed....
Vanna: Do I have to listen to all this? I think you should just send me to the interrogation obelisk and get it over with.
Droxine: Oh please, you're just a Troglyte; what do you know about thinking? I say we just send her to the interrogation obelisk.
Kirk: Sounds kinky.
Droxine: Quiet, you.
This is an entertainingly chaotic scene.

Yarnek: Aw, is everything taken but "Savage Curtain of Death"?
Spock: Looking at the title I'd say that's a safe assumption.
Poor Yarnek.

[Nate the Great]

I forgot to do Turnabout Intruder. Give me a bit more time.

[Nate the Great]

Here we are; the last TOS episode. We still have TNG to tide us over until DS9 and TAS start.

June 3rd, 1969, "Turnabout Intruder"

No Fiver
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/79.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Turnabout_Intruder_(episode))

The Episode

JANICE: Your world of starship captains doesn't admit women. It isn't fair.
KIRK: No, it isn't. And you punished and tortured me because of it.

We might as well get this out of the way; this idea is ludicrous and I don't blame later Trek for completely ignoring it. And the stupidest idea is that it wasn't necessary in the first place! All that had to be done is introducing a Ben Finney-style incompetence on Lester's part that would've kept her away from command. Or even something closer to Eddington-she was railroaded into a career path that may have played to her talents but wasn't making her as much job satisfaction as command would've ("Tapestry", anyone?)

JANICE: I loved you. We could've roamed among the stars.

You want command, he wants command. You couldn't have served aboard the same ship. Plus it seems like marriage wouldn't have made you happy anyway.

JANICE/KIRK: You had your chance, Captain Kirk. You should've smothered the life in me. Then they would have said Doctor Janice Lester died of radiation poisoning in the line of duty. Why didn't you do it? You always wanted to. Didn't you? You had the strength to do it. But you were afraid.

First, while this transcript maintains the body as the sole speaker tag I'll be using Janice/Kirk and Kirk/Janice to indicate the mind/body. Second, when did Kirk express a desire to kill Janice?

JANICE/KIRK: Believe me, it's better to be dead than to live alone in the body of a woman.

Ouch. I so want to snark about whether we're sure Gene wasn't on staff anymore, but I will refrain. Again, this problem could've been solved with a simple change: for Kirk to live without being in command of the Enterprise, or even in Starfleet would be a living hell. More than enough punishment without introducing sexism and misogyny.

JANICE/KIRK:Doctor McCoy, you and Doctor Coleman seem to disagree on diagnosis.
MCCOY: No, not entirely. We both agree it's radiation. Doctor Coleman isn't prepared to say what form of radiation.
JANICE/KIRK: Will it affect your arriving at a correct treatment?
MCCOY: It's crucial.

I'm pretty sure that McCoy "outranks" Coleman even before you introduce the fact that he's CMO of the ship you're on. This conversation seems to be pointless.

JANICE/KIRK: He hung onto life too hard. I couldn't
COLEMAN: You couldn't because you love him. You want me to be his murderer.
JANICE/KIRK: Love? Him? I love the life he led. The power of a starship commander. It's my life now.

There's an interesting philosophical discussion to be had here: what were Lester's feelings and desires before and after Kirk came along and right now. Furthermore, I think it's safe to say that Kirk wasn't a captain during the initial relationship. Was her love always on an unconscious level only?

COLEMAN: Doctor Lester and her staff have been under my supervision for two years. If you don't follow my recommendations, responsibility for her health or her death will be yours.

Well, yeah! Is this supposed to be a threat? I'm pretty sure you don't get to become chief medical officer without being able to handle patient deaths, even deaths where you didn't do all of the treatment.

JANICE/KIRK: Doctor McCoy, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to take you off the case and turn it over to Doctor Coleman.
MCCOY: You can't do this! On this ship my medical authority is final!

Exactly! What is this accomplishing besides causing suspicion of Janice? Was there no drug handy that could've pushed Kirk into a coma that looks like radiation poisoning?

JANICE/KIRK [OC]: The Enterprise is proceeding to its next mission, on the course set before I took over command. Now the years I spent studying every single detail of the ship's operation will be tested. With a little experience, I will be invulnerable to suspicion.

Now comes the time to really point out the main flaw in Lester's plan: not everything can be a part of the records available to her? Maybe the basic ship's layout, what's on each deck, etc. would be available to her, but not a current crew manifest or the complete details of every mission. If we wanted to we could come up with a list of episodes where the details would have to be classified above the level that Janice would have access to, "The Enterprise Incident" and "Metamorphosis" come to mind immediately.

SPOCK: If the diagnosis of Doctor Lester's illness is the critical problem, then the Benecia Colony is definitely not the place for her. Their medical facilities are the most primitive.
JANICE/KIRK: They will have to serve.
SPOCK: Starbase Two is fully equipped and staffed with the necessary specialists to determine exactly what is wrong with the doctor. Is that not crucial to your decision?
JANICE/KIRK: Thank you, Mister Spock, but the facilities will be of little use if Doctor Lester's dead. Time is of the essence.

I find it hard to believe that the medical facilities of any colony would be better than the Enterprise, except perhaps in patient capacity. Yet again, a scene that introduces plot holes for the sole purpose of creating suspicion of Janice/Kirk. A better writer could've done this premise so much better.

LYSA: Captain, shall I advise Starfleet Command of the change of plan?
JANICE/KIRK: No change of plan has been ordered, Lieutenant. Our arrival at Beta Aurigae will merely be delayed. Our gravitational studies of that binary system will not suffer, and a life may be saved! That is not unusual procedure for the Enterprise.
SPOCK: Sir, I believe Starfleet will have to be notified that our rendezvous with the starship Potemkin will not take place as scheduled.

Exactly. A change of plan has been ordered, and even if it's only a matter of hours a change of itinerary should be reported. In particular when it's a rendezvous with another starship.

[Nate the Great]

JANICE/KIRK: I won't submit to this petty search for revenge!
MCCOY: But you will submit to Starfleet regulations, and they state that the ship surgeon will require full examination of any crew member that he has doubts about, including the captain.

Exactly. You'd almost think that Lester was blowing hot air when she said that she studied how to impersonate Kirk.

Captain's log, stardate unknown. I have lost track of time. I am still held captive in a strange body and separated from all my crew.

If this log is supposed to be made at the time, how did Kirk/Janice get access to a recorder for this? If this log is suppose to be made after the mission, why doesn't he know the stardate?

(Chapel leaves, Janice pours the drink on the floor and breaks the glass against the bed. Then she uses it to cut the strap holding her down)

Cue another transparent aluminum quip. Even if plastic cups were still being perfected in the sixties, paper Dixie cups were ubiquitous. Who hands a glass cup to a person who is restrained and suspected of being mentally unbalanced?

GALLOWAY: The captain said no one is allowed to speak to Doctor Lester.
SPOCK: Has such an order ever included his senior officers?
GALLOWAY: No, sir.

Exactly. If you give the captain such powers it can only lead to abuse and tyranny. Do we really want another Garth of Izar on our hands?

MCCOY: The Robbiani dermal-optic is crucial. It reveals the basic emotional structure. You had one once before. Now I need another one to compare with that previous test. There should be no change in your dermal-optic reactions to the colour wavelengths.

The idea of an emotional fingerprint that can be done without a telepath is a wonderful idea that should've been explored further. An episode based around Troi vs a refined (and hacked by the bad guys) version of this device would've been interesting. But I guess the same plot hole that sucked up the pychotricorder also ate this thing.

KIRK/JANICE: You are closer to the captain than anyone in the universe. You know his thoughts. What does your telepathic mind tell you now?

I'll just link to the Spock tribute video "The Good of the One (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vNBA8mHFf8)" here. The last sentence here was mixed with the music well.

JANICE/KIRK: You claim that, that you are Captain James T. Kirk?
KIRK/JANICE: No. I am not Captain Kirk. That is very apparent. I claim that whatever it is that makes James Kirk a living being special to himself is being held here in this body.

There's plenty to be discussed here about personal identity vis a vis thoughts and bodies, but I suspect that it'd get tedious rather quickly.

SPOCK: Sir, there is only one issue here. Is the story of life-entity transfer believable? This crew has been to many places in the galaxy. They've been witness to many strange events. They are trained to know that what seems to be impossible often is possible, given the scientific analysis of the phenomenon.

While I can see where Spock is coming from, this is a slippery slope. To claim that anything can be proven scientifically possible somewhere just raises more questions.

JANICE/KIRK: Mister Spock, have you ever heard of a case such as described by Doctor Janice Lester?
SPOCK: Not precisely, no.

What about Sargon and company? They should've been namedropped at the very least.

JANICE/KIRK: (thumping the table) It is mutiny! Deliberate, vindictive, insane at its base! But mutiny is charged, and encouragement to mutiny. Doctor McCoy, Mister Scott, you heard it! On the basis of these statements, I call for an immediate vote, by the powers granted to me as captain of the Enterprise. A recess is declared, to be followed by a vote.

Jeez, Janice, you really thought your plan through, didn't you? You really should've killed Kirk/Janice when you had the chance!

SULU: The death penalty is forbidden. There's only one exception.
CHEKOV: General Order Four. It has not been violated by any officer on the Enterprise.

This is misleading. General Order Four says no death penalty, only trumped by General Order Seven (no going to Talos IV).

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil also points out the General Order 4/7 thing. (Hey, look at that!)
* Phil points out Chapel's difference in hair color (brunette instead of blonde) as a production problem. I disagree. It's weird but not a problem. Wigs and hair dyes will still exist in the 23rd century, I presume.

[NAHTMMM]

A better writer could've done this premise so much better.
Agreed. I find myself feeling that way about a lot of stories.

Thanks for writing all this out! I know I didn't respond often, but it's been fun reading along in this and the TNG threads.