FiveLetter.net

[Zeke]

Typical.

You spend 22 years toiling away in obscurity. Even at your peak, your audience is pretty small. But that's okay, you tell yourself, because you have a <i>mission</i>. You're doing something important that no one else is doing. Besides, just by the nature of this sacred crusade, it's not like anybody could <i>monetize</i> it and turn it into a worldwide success. And then some prick monetizes it and turns it into a worldwide success!

...Hm? No no, I'm talking about <i>fiveness</i>. I've been preaching the gospel of five since 2000! <i>You</i> listened, but who else did? And now, out of nowhere, some guy comes along with a game entirely about five-letter words and the entire internet falls in love with it!

Well, two can play at that game. (Not the word game. You know what I mean.) I can do five-letter words! I'll do five-letter words so hard you'll be reduced to <i>four</i>-letter words!

And what better way to start than with the third of the new Treks? Its double-five-letter title is an engraved invitation! (Besides, I feel like I was just talking about it for some reason.)

<b>FiveLetter.net</b> begins today, and it begins with <b><a href="../5l/lowerdecks.html">Five-Minute <i>Star Trek: Lower Decks</i></a></b>. Reead emmmm annnd weeep!

[Nate the Great]

Just passing through, I don't care to give lectures or opinions at the moment...

[Zeke]

Hope you enjoyed that, because it's the last passive-aggressive "I won't comment" comment I'm allowing here. From now on, if that's the only content in a post, it just gets deleted. (And in what world do you have any authority to "lecture" me from?)

If you have actual things to say, they're always welcome. But if you want to provide pointed silence, do it like an adult -- by <i>being silent</i>.

Also... dude, it's been decades. Time to get over the fact that I like April Fool's gags.

[Nate the Great]

I screwed up, I'm sorry. Lately I've been trying to catch posts that turn into rants and trim them down into something more neutral. I don't always succeed.


As for my opinions regarding real updates, you already know.



It just gets frustrating sometimes trying to come up with a new way to say "I'm still on the site every day, your update was not ignored."

[NAHTMMM]

Well, you certainly achieved new depths of fiveness! I don't think there's any anagram to be derived from the gold or green letters . . . ?

[Zeke]

I don't think there's any anagram to be derived from the gold or green letters . . . ?

FINALLY SOMEONE WONDERS

Anagram no, but they do mean something! More on that shortly. (I've been procrastinating with the followup post in the slim hope of someone noticing...)

[NAHTMMM]

I'd guess it's a ternary number but it would have to be, like, the biggest number ever.

The green letters represent "Some fivers easily represent our awesomest illustrations nougat exceeds fully integrated nougat interception simulations." So the site is pretty rad about demonstrating that current technology is not up to protecting the Earth against nougat collisions. There are too many gold letters for me to tackle this time of night.

[NAHTMMM]

Oh, no, wait, I see what's going on.

StoRM
Front
fivER
cOmes?
{aeft }{et }{eft }{ae }{aft }
A_Il
world? sooon?
evENt
FINIS

I'm sure there are solvers online but that's not fun.

[Zeke]

Nicely done! That is indeed the correct interpretation: if you play each line like a separate Wordle game, it spells out a message. Unfortunately, I found it such a pain to write in five-letter words that I wasn't up to adding the extra constraint of making those puzzles <i>solvable</i>, so words 4 through 7 are ambiguous. I'll just say you're right about 4, 5 is a common word, and 6 and 7 go together; you <i>will</i> get them even with this little information and kick yourself.

Thanks for putting in the effort. I was going a little nuts. :D

[ED: FINIS isn't part of the message.]