Group Adaptive Story - Like the onebyone story, only stranger.

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]This was part of our assessment for one of the modules I was taking last semester. What the tutor did was to start a story on the class forum, and we had to add to it following a bunch of 'rules' he'd set up. Apparently, it was a study of emergent systems, where we (the students) were 'agents' following a simple set of rules, and the story that resulted was the 'emergent system'.

I've always wanted to do one on a sci-fi forum. :) So, lemme start (and hope others will take a shine to it :D) I think the rules were:

[b:post_uid0] 1) Each person can post once a day.
2) The post must not exceed 10 lines.
3) On Sundays, Tuesdays and Fridays, you can start completely unrelated threads[/b:post_uid0] (i.e. jumping settings, changing a whole set of characters)[b:post_uid0]
4) You can include any character in the story in your post, provided that character has turned up within ten posts of your post [/b:post_uid0](i.e. if Tuvok's last appearance was in post 5, and you're on post 11, you can include Tuvok, but if you're on post 30 and Tuvok hasn't turned up since post 10, you can't include him ... unless it's a Sunday, Tuesday or a Friday!)


I think that was it. Oh well, no harm trying.

"John closed his eyes as he leaned back in the train seat. The vehicle's hypersmooth thrumming was soothing, but it didn't ease the worries he felt. Suddenly, he heard giggling, and opened his eyes, only to be greeted by the sight of a little girl on the opposite row whispering into her mother's ear. He looked down and realized his socks were mismatched: one was red and the other was blue. He laughed, despite himself.

The train arrived at his station and he disembarked. To his surprise, his girlfriend was waiting for him on the platform. As he ran over to greet her, the station was rocked by a gigantic blast......"

Hope the rules aren't too confusing... if so, do what I always do... wing it! I don't really care that much about them. :giggles:

Have fun :D

Edit: p.s. yep, you can name the girlfriend. I was just too lazy to. *smiles*[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]John closed his eyes as he leaned back in the train seat. The vehicle's hypersmooth thrumming was soothing, but it didn't ease the worries he felt. Suddenly, he heard giggling, and opened his eyes, only to be greeted by the sight of a little girl on the opposite row whispering into her mother's ear. He looked down and realized his socks were mismatched: one was red and the other was blue. He laughed, despite himself.

The train arrived at his station and he disembarked. To his surprise, his girlfriend was waiting for him on the platform. As he ran over to greet her, the station was rocked by a gigantic blast......[/quote:post_uid0]

Seeing as how it's Sunday, I'd better get some more characters in... ;)

"For most of the world, however, the morning was peaceful. Geordi, for example, had taken advantage of his leave by sleeping in till eleven. Now he sat quietly at the restaurant table, perusing an article in the local newspaper about a capybara that had been trained to spell out 'w-o-m-b-a-t'.

His communicator beeped. Geordi closed his eyes and silently cursed the author for ruining yet another peaceful vacation before tapping it. 'LaForge here.'
'Picard here. Sorry to interrupt your time off, but Admiral Nocheeseyet has requested an emergency meeting of all senior officers--Troi, myself, Data, Worf, Riker, Doctor Crusher, and you*--in thirty minutes to discuss a string of terrorist attacks across the Federation. I gather there may be a serious security breach by a foreign power at the root of this. Lieutenant Saxama will provide you with the beaming coordinates.'"


* :p[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Well, its monday here, so I got to stay on topic, I think.

"John and his girlfriend (Can I give her a name?) ran for cover from the flying debris from the explosion. They could here ships flying overhead, but not the familiar federation sound. John paused briefly to look up to get a glimpse of the attacking ships. He remembered from his studies that the ships were Klingon Bird of Prey. He wondered how they got past Earth's defenses. There was another explosion behind him. He turned around quickly, only to see his girlfriend trapped under some debris."[/color:post_uid0]

[Things Are Good]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Well, it's still Sunday night where I live. This ought to be fun.

Josie the Angry Cow was grazing one day when she saw the door to a nearby house was open. She went over to look at what was inside this house, and received the shock of her life. Farmer Joe, who had grown grass for her for so long and had always been so nice to her, was laying in bed, dead. Josie tried to go inside to get a better look, but she tragically was unable to fit through the doorway, so she simply decided to dejectedly walk away in that silly way cows have, alone and distraught.[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Please pardon the interruption.

(Um... It seems self evident that only the first person on Sundays, Tuesdays, and Fridays gets to change the scene... otherwise you get a gazillion snippets on those days, followed by drawn out scenes...

Taya, I await your arbitration, as I don't know whether I should be writing about the exploding train or Josie the Angry Cow...

I also humbly suggest that some small, tiny, infinitesimal effort might be made to actually keep scenes vaguely related to each other, perhaps existing in the same general universe. Following Geordi LaForge up with Josie the Angry Cow do not seem to bode a good start. It's amusing, yes, but personally, it doesn't seem like much fun to write the story like that. A story can be funny and ridiculous, and that's great, but if it's just a disconnected random jumble - well, disconnected random jumbles just aren't all that funny.

If I'm off the mark here - I'll go start my own 'semi-structured Round Robin' thread, and leave this one in peace.)

(Edit: minor clarification)[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Welllll.... the trick is to tie all the disparate threads together. (hence, emergent system). Kinda like a peanuts comic that I once saw where snoopy types all these unrelated threads and then brings them all together in the end.

Well.... I can try to remedy that.

"John was frantically trying to free his girlfriend from the trapped rubble when he heard the familiar whining sound of the transporter beside him. Thinking it was a rescue team, he turned towards the sound, only to find himself staring at a... cow?

Josie was confused. One moment she had been standing in Farmer Joe's field, and now she was standing in the middle of this dark, smoky and quite alarming place, staring at a pop-eyed man with grime on his face and mismatched socks. What in the world was going on?"[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Geordi on the otherhand, was beamed to the farm where Josie once was. All of the other senior officers were already there. They were all confused because this was not the place of the meeting. They tried their com-badges, but they were not working. They decided to look around and try to find clues. They went inside the house, and while using their tricorders, they found the owner of the house to whom Josie thought was dead. Actually, he was dying. He told the crew that his name was Neo and that he is a Caretaker, and that when he started dying, the Klingons were able to get past the Caretakers defenses. He sent his cow to find the man with the mismatched socks, who is the caretakers long lost son.[/color:post_uid0]

[PointyHairedJedi]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]As Neo gasped his last, the gaggle of officers was startled to hear a strange, drawn-out mechanical, almost grating noise. La Forge, who happened to be the ranking officer out of the group, led them outside with their phasers drawn, to be confronted by the rather incongruous sight of an antiquated blue police telephone box. "What the heck is that?" exclaimed La Forge. One of the other officers, wearing the blue of a science officer, nervously stepped forward. "It's a, a telephone box. They were used in twentieth century Britain by the police force of the time before the advent of mobile radio trans..." He was cut off by the door swinging noisily open, and the appearance of a man in a large coat wearing a ridiculously long scarf, a blonde woman and, bizzarely, a small robotic dog. There was a long moment of silence, broken at last by the blonde woman, who, after a rather thatrical sigh, tured to her companion and said "We're lost again, aren't we?"


For those of you that have absolutely no knowledge of [i:post_uid0]Doctor Who[/i:post_uid0], the three new characters are the fourth Doctor, Romana and K9.[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]You could've fooled me. I would've figured it was Doctor 4 and "Ace" (or would that be another name for the same person?). ;)[/color:post_uid0]

[PointyHairedJedi]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]No. Ace was a companion of the seventh Doctor.[/color:post_uid0]

[Things Are Good]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Just as the doctor and his friends were trying to figure out where they were, an interdimensional vortex opened up and out came four figures. "Well," Quinn said hastily, trying to cover up their method of arrival, "we're from Canada."
here was a long and awkward pause.
"Who the bloody hell are you?" Professor Arturo asked. "And what's going on?"
"We don't...err...know," Romana said.
"Aw, hell," they all said together.
"That cow looks angry," Wade added.

Go me, being a Sliders fanboy![/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="PointyHairedJedi"]No. Ace was a companion of the seventh Doctor.[/quote:post_uid0]
Just as well--if it had been Ace, the situation could've gotten brutal.

(Waits to see if there's supposed to be any reaction to that ;))


Oh, er, yes, the story...

hmmm...




The cow was indeed disgruntled. The telephone box had managed to land squarely on the secret opening to the underground shelter that held the device that would disable the cow's disguise. So the cow had to walk all the way to the son's house without even a faint smidgen of a hope of getting a ride.


He rapped on the door and mooed. After a minute, the door opened and a man poked his head out.

"Oh, hullo there, Uncle Morpheus," the man said carelessly. "Does Father want me to go see him?"

The cow mooed in what could almost have been Morse code.

"Mentally unstable visitors, huh? All right, give me a moment and I'll get my shotgun."[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Private Log of La Forge: I had seen enough. Earth was under attack, there is a mad cow on the loose, and the crew is stuck on a farm with Bill and Ted (Doctor, Romana and K9). What else could go wrong? Anyway, how hard would it be for a cow to find someone with mismatched socks. Aren't cows colorblind? I know I wouldnt be able to find him. I hope we arent stuck in the Gamma Quadrant, or whereever Voyager ended up. I am just going to sit on this rock and wish I was in my own bed. On second thought, the blonde chic is hot. Anyway, I must find a way to get off this farm.[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Observe," said Data, patiently. "This sock is blue. This scok is red. It also has little yellow circles, commonly referred to as 'polka dots,' upon it, while the blue on does not. Can you see the differences between these two socks?"

"Moooo," said Josie.

"So they are not a pair, correct, Josie? They are [i:post_uid0]mismatched.[/i:post_uid0] Mismatched, Josie."

"Moooooo."

Data turned to Riker. "I think we are making some progress, sir."[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Quinn thought a moment. Then said "Hold it...we're from Canada, but...mismatched socks are an INTENTIONAL act.Therefore, it is not some sort of birthright. Therefore, this could be an IMPOSTER! Therefore..." Then Picard emerged from under a hay stack and said "Excuse me, but I am the ranking officer here. Quinn, shut up. Troi, read everyone's mind. Geordi, use your visor to take readings. Worf, fire at Will. Sweet, wonderful Crusher...tend to Will." Everyone did that, until The Caretaker told everyone some important revelation...


((um, all these people were forgotten about a couple of posts ago, so I brought them back. Neh))[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"The cow... is in the wrong place! I sent her to look for my son a couple of minutes ago... why is she back here?"

"It must have been a backwash from the eddies in the spacetime fabric caused by the arrival of the Sliders," mused Geordi. "Could you send her-- and all of us back to where your son is?"

"I've got a better idea," said Quinn, and suddenly there was a bright light...[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Meanwhile, back at the train station, Neo's son, John, was in a panic. His girlfriend was still trapped underneath the rubble and he had no way to get it off of her. He was so distracted, that he didnt realize that Josie was gone. He held on to his girlfriends hand and told her that she was going to be ok. At that moment, a bright light appeared. When the light dissappeared, he saw that Josie and the crew standing there. Data noticed the girl trapped, so he lifted the debris off her, while Crusher looked over her. Picard walked over to John and said, "You must be the one." John was puzzled. Josie said, "Moo Moo Mooooo!" John got this eerie feeling because he knew what Josie said. John said, "I guess it is time then."[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"I knew it was coming," John said. "I always used to ask Dad, 'How will I know?' And he'd say, 'You'll know, John. You'll know, because when the entire train station blows up all around you, that's kind of hard to miss.'"

"Are you saying that blowing up train stations is one of your latent powers as 'the One'?" Picard asked.

"I'm afraid so," said John. "That, summoning cows, telekinetic power over cheese, and the ability to pull live eels out of thin air."

He pulled himself up. "And now that my powers have begun to develop... I must start on my journey."[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Suddenly, the roof caved in on Picard.

(Trust me, you can submit one-line additions as well. :D )[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Ha HA! It's Friday, therefore...


Data tried to free Picard, but failed miserably. Suddenly, out of nowhere, the Scoobies appeared. "Oops" said Willow "I guess I kinda stuck us in the Sci-Fi demention while bringing Tara and Anya back so Xander and I can be happy." Buffy quickly helped Data with the collapsed roof, while Xander set about rebuilding the train station, while Tara and Willow Googled "train station collapse in alternate universe". After all that action, Spike and Buffy went to the restroom to....talk...and Anya said to Picard "Picard, would you like to avenge who did this to you?" Picard said "I'de wish someone would fire at Will. It's always his fault. He should not have been trying to figure out what happens when you ram a train into in 20th century rail station" Instantly, Will Riker...


(( edited to add words that should have been there in the first place))[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Ensign Janeway suddenly appeared and gave Picard a black box. She told him to save it for a rainy day. Janeway dissapeared as soon as she had appeared. At that moment it started to rain. Picard opened the black box....(to be continued)

Josie ran off someplace and started her own band. She always wanted to do something that that.

Worf overheard "Fire at will", so he fired at the nearest thing, the recently finished train station.[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The scarred man looked up at Michael. Michael hated when he did that. The scarred man was much more comfortable to be around when you didn't see him. Not that he could see him - the room was pitch dark, as always. But he could [i:post_uid0]feel[/i:post_uid0] him looking at him.

"Have they found John yet?" the man asked.

"They have," Michael answered. "Though they seem to be having... troubles. Encounters with fictional characters."

"Excellent," mused the scarred man. "All is going according to plan."

[i:post_uid0]What plan?,[/i:post_uid0] Michael thought to himself, as always.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"This plan" said the scarred man "here, come into my time travel transmorgaphire". They got in. They were in the train station.
Picard realized at once who had come. It was a scarred Khan.
"Oh, BTW, Picard, you turned down my advances at the Kaffe Confrence on Koffeeola fifteen years ago, so I decided to give you Khan, who believes the Scoobies are fictional characters. He's gone nutty" Janeways said as she hopped on the train, as Xander had already rebuilt the station a second time, with Willow's special help.

"Oh Picard, I knew you've always loved me" said Riker. Crusher hit him with a spell she had learned from Tara.

"Hey, Khan here! Dont you want to hear my evil plan, which is..."[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"... to give everybody in the world a sex change!"

Picard blinked and looked surprised. "And what would THAT acheive?"

"Nothing," said Khan, "I just like doing things for the heck of it."

Just then, Josie the cow bellowed and charged right at Khan. Khan let out a yell and toppled right into John, and the two of them suddenly disappeared in a flash of light.[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]A flash of light. Khan and John momentarily ceased their struggling, taking in their strange new surroundings. Picard and all the others were gone; so was the train station. Instead, they were surrounded by crowds of happy people, who were yellow, head to toe. Roller coasters abounded, as did giant beer cans and strange yellow lakes and fountains.

"Duffland!" Khan hissed. "Why have you brought me here?"

"Me?!" said John. "Why did [i:post_uid0]you[/i:post_uid0] bring [i:post_uid0]me[/i:post_uid0] here?"

"Moooo," they heard, and looked up to see Josie looking at them serenely. Her meaning was clear. [i:post_uid0]I[/i:post_uid0] brought you here.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Josie said, "You two are brothers. Your father is dead, and now the fate of the Earth is in your hands. One of you must go take the place of your father."

Kahn and John said, "Brothers?"

All of a sudden, Agents come out of nowhere. Kahn and John were surrounded.

Josie shouted, "Use your abilities!!"

John said, "What abilities?" *knocks out an agent* "Oh, those abilities."[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Whoo hoo! This is fun!" exclaimed John as he happily knocked out agent after agent. Khan, meanwhile, ducked under Josie and watched the fireworks.

Suddenly, there was a monstrous sound, and John turned around and blinked in terror. Standing before him was a huge....[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]...Agent, dressed like an enormous can of Duff in a black suit.

"I am Agent Duff," he said. "You will drink Duff. Duff is good. Reeeeeal good..."

Then he toppled over backwards into the Duff fountain.

From somewhere in the crowd, John heard a faint, "Ha-ha!"[/color:post_uid0]

[Things Are Good]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Oh yeah!" said Duffman.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]John was tempted to drink because fighting agents took alot out of him. So he walked up to the fountain. Josie interupted and said "Only The One will be able to use the fountain." Kahn heard this, so he ran to the fountain and knocked John out of the way. He pressed the button, but nothing happened. John got back to his feet and tried the button himself. At that moment, something odd happened. Strange lights appeared. When the lights went away, Josie was no longer a cow. The spell was broken. Josie was now a woman, an attractive one.[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"That's what [i:post_uid0]Duff[/i:post_uid0] can do for [i:post_uid0]you[/i:post_uid0]! Oh, yeah!" said Duffman.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0](it's tuesday!)

Suddenly, a giant dustbin exploded.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0](tuesday Tuesday TUESDAY!)

"Duffman is thrusting in the direction of the problem!" cried Willow, who had just teleported the Scoobies. Duffman was thrusting at the dustbin.
"Josie!" cried Xander and Tara at the same time, "Why, what are you doing here?"
"you know this woman?" said Khan. John took the momentery lapse in Khan's concentration to give him the Vulcan Nerve pinch.
"Wow" said John"I've learned a lot from T'Pol's lessons"
Suddenly, T'Pol and Giles stepped out of the debris. "Buffy, John you have learned all you can from us. Now you must go with Josie to continue your journey".[/color:post_uid0]

[Things Are Good]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Giles looked at T'Pol and got out a candy bar. "Band candy?" he said.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]T'Pol said, "It would be illogical for you to offer it only to me, seeing as you have two boxes of it."
"Okay, band candy for all!" replied Giles.
And with that, everyone ate band candy. Suddenly they were all transformed into 16 year olds again. T'Pol asked Xander out. Picard and Crusher boogied. Tara conjured a stereo. Everyone got down 'n dirty dancing until the strangest two people started to dance together...[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Everybody turned to look at them. The two danced on obliviously, until Xander kicked the stereo over. The two looked up sheepishly.

"Data," John asked, "Where the heck did you manage to find Hillary Clinton?"[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Well," said Data, "she was in the dustbin that exploded."[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The crew of Voyager was going about its own business as usual when all of a sudden Hillary Clinton suddenly appeared in the mess hall. Everyone was confused. Hillary said "I dont know how I got here. Before I appeared here, I was talking to a cow named Josie. Captian Picard was there too." The mentioning of Josie peaked Janeway's interest because she knew what that meant, Earth was in trouble. However, Voyager had no way of getting home any quicker. Hillary and Janeway talked privately about the recent events on Earth, such as the attack by the Klingons.[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Bingely-bingeley-beep," said the demon. "Three pee em. The One is found. Three oh five pee em - the One defeats Khan."

The twelve men, frozen in ice, listened to the demon Dis-Organizer with bated breath.

"Appointments," the demon continued, "Five thirty pee em: get freed by the One."

The twelve men let out a cheer, their faces being the only parts of them not completely encased in the solid ice wall. Their cheers echoed across the cavern, incidentally making it quite impossible to hear the demon continuing, "Six thirty pee em - three of our number turn to lime jello."[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Buffy rushed in and said"Yah know, I never did like lime jello"
Buffy slayed the demons and then started to sing "Jailhouse rock". T'Pol and Giles, still high on band candy, joined in. In fact, everyone joined in. Even Janeway and Josie and Harry and the rest, who had just been teleported by Willow, Tara and Josie. Josie and her band joined in with their drums, guitar, and bass. Just then, Crusher and a very angry Picard stepped in.
"Who stole my hair! I'm only 16! Where's my hair!"
Suddenly, Kirk popped in with a bad wig.
"Picard, we have some issues to work out between you, me, and those half-slayed demons"[/color:post_uid0]

[PointyHairedJedi]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Just then they were all interrupted by the TARDIS materialising. "I have to spoil all your fun," said the Doctor emerging from the interior of the blue Police Box. "but there is a large space-ship full of very annoyed Cybermen on their way here as I speak. Apparently they found out about John being the One and all that, though why they're so annoyed I don't know." "Perhaps it's your scarf?" suggested one of the men embedded in the ice. K9 immidiately spun round to face the man, extended his laser, and proceded to fire. Unfortunately, the beam refleced off the ice and zapped two of the other men as well. The three men then proceeded to slowly turn into green jello. "Doctor!" cried Romana. "How could you let him do that?" "Hah," replied the Doctor. "That's nothing compared to what Ace would've done. Nice use of the 'jello setting' there by the way, K9." Suddenly, the ground started to shake violently....[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Suddenly, Quark Snyder walked in.
"Hey, both of the franchises I was in are in this, so here I am! Buffy, get to work. Picard, I have some Deupertian Hair-Gro for you. Worf, I'm confused, are you DS9 or Next Gen?"
Buffy said,
"Um, Quark Snyder, you've never had a date on either series, have you? And your brother is Grand Superintendent of SunnyFririgi."
Odo came in the same wierd way Quark Snyder came in.
"Quark Snyder, you are under arrest for time travel technobabble"[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Quark Synder punched Odo in the face. Picard cheered. "Barfight! Barfight!" howled Kim and Paris delightedly. Buffy watched the two combatants grapple while rolling her eyes. "Does anyone realize we're on a time limit here?"[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Everyone looked up at the clock at the top of the screen. Buffy said, "We must beat this video game before time runs out, or we will have to do this all over again. Defeating Vampires is easier than this." Data said, "I must point...". Everyone said "Shut up Data!" Meanwhile, Quark saw an opportunity to make some money over this game. Odo got up and punched Quark in the face, ending his good idea to make money. Buffy continued to play the game, Picard read some Shakespeare, and Kim and Paris played in the holodeck. A few minutes later, John walked out of the bathroom and said, "Im ready to continue now." Everyone stopped what they were doing and followed John back to the scene of the action, which was when the ground was shaking violently.[/color:post_uid0]

[PointyHairedJedi]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]There they found a large group of even-more-annoyed-than-they-were-before Cybermen."Do you know how many times we've had to land then take-off again just wating for you lot to get back?" exclaimed the by now downright ticked-off Cyberleader. "Sheesh - at least the Doctor is usually punctual".
"Errr - Odo wasn't it? - be a good chap and turn yourself into gold, ok?" said the Doctor, looking pointedly at the assembled Cybermen.
"We'll, ah, just be going then. See ya!" said the Cyberleader, and led the group hurridly back into their ship, which then hurridly took off.
"Hah," said the Doctor. "Works every time."[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Hmm," Odo mused, "the last time I saw someone mention that word in front of the Cybermen, they went psychotic and killed several bystanders and then themselves."

Crusher just looked puzzled. She failed to get anything constructive done by so behaving, but at least she got in a mention just under the 10-post cut-off.[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Gold. He said Gold. Goldgoldgoldgoldgold. Glod."

"Shut up," said the Cyberleader. "You sound like a drunk dwarf."

"But he said [i:post_uid0]GOLD,[/i:post_uid0]" said another Cyberman. "I can't... get it... out of my... [i:post_uid0]head![/i:post_uid0]"

"[i:post_uid0]I can't take it anymore!!!![/i:post_uid0]" yelled a third Cyberman. Zeke shot him dead. But another Cyberman, similarly minded (or lack of such), could not get those four awful letters out of his brain. So he did the only thing he could think of - fire the blaster guns to decimate the New York skyscrapers beneath the craft.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Goldmember showed up through a time portal. "Did someone say gold?" asked Goldmember, who then proceeded to deflake himself of one big piece of skin flake. Cyberleader demanded that goldmember go flake in another time zone, so he did. However, he took Zeke with him. Not soon after Austin Powers popped out. "Have any of you groovy mixed up characters seen a guy with a golden penis and the desire to flake in the wrong time zone? Cyberman told him what happened, including the fact that Zeke must return to the normal time zone soon or else things will start to speed up. Austin then left into the portal. "Speed up? That's crazy!!!" shouted everyone. "Yes, and you will start using too many '!' marks," explained Josie. "The death of Neo is affecting time as well it seems like."[/color:post_uid0]

[PointyHairedJedi]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"This is all getting very strange indeed," said the Doctor said to himself. "Ten to one the Master has something to do with this...." "Did you say the Master?" enquired Buffy. "I kicked his ass all the way back in season one." "The Doctor Master means the Master, not the Master" exdplained K9, confusing everyone but Romana even more. "Riiiiiiiight," said Dr. Evil. "By the way, have you seen Goldmember anywhere?" Everyone now looked even more confused than they were before. "Doctor," suddenly interrupted K9, "I am recieving a radio signal coming from the direction of Jupiter." "Well, let us hear it then!" exclaimed Romana impatiently. There was a brief crackle of static noise from K9's speaker, then a voice came through. "My God, it's full of pies!" At this point everyone was just about as confused as they could physically be, so thery were therefore slightly startled to hear Josie gasp. "The Piealith! Things are moving quicker than I thought...."[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Everyone was now really confused. Willow stepped in.
"Okay, you are now all really confused. Well, let me say this: we are stuck in someone's crazy broadway nightmare."
Tara replied, "Honey, crazy SCI-FI nightmare". Everyone started musing what it could be:
"Bunnies" "Shoes" "Khan" "I'm right here, doofus" "Klingons" "I take offense. It's Tribbles" "Viruses" "Q" "The First Evil" "Snyder" "Quark"
"That's Quark Snyder to you. And I say it's kid aliens late for repayment of homework"
Suddenly, Xander raised his hand. "Oops, um, I never handed in that project for Biology...and I'll pay you for that Red Dwarf Cocktail in the morning"[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]BOOM. There was a very large explosion, which knocked Willow over onto his back...[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Willow got up. "Excuse me, whoever doing this strange narrative voiceover, but I am girl. Who dates girls. Gay now, remember? And also, Bored Now."
"Borg now?" asked Picard."Fire at Will!"
"Jean, we cant. Will hasnt been seen for a while. And she said "Bored now" anyways."
Xander stepped in "No one bugs my best bud Willow. Let's fight TOS style"
Picard and Xander got into the exlposion crater. Huge Q-tips appeared. They started to fight. Their clothes, of course, ripped seductivly for no reason.
Josie stood to the side. "What the heck are they doing?" she mused."Have they forgotten The Mission? Gee, Xander's hot"[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Josie yelled "Hit Picard on his shiny head!!" "Hey, no cow tipping," said Picard. Xander had the golden opportunity to bonk Picard on the head, but he was on the ground laughing at what Picard said. Picard then defeated Xander by shoving the giant Q-tip us his ass. Josie explained, "Why do we keep getting sidetracked? We will never save Earth at this rate. The Piealith will reach Earth in less than 3 hours. We must make 47 chili pies before they arrive."[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"47 chili pies?" Zeke, who had reappeared for no obvious reason, mused. "Isn't that supposed to be the eleventh sign of the Apocalypse or something?" "Maybe for you it is," Paris muttered.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Paris! You defamed Wesley! I'm gonna kick your butt!" Dr Crusher said. She grabbed the giant Q-tip and hit Paris over the head. He cried. He went into a comma.Crusher had to treat him. "Xander, poor baby, here's some orgasmic-sounding magicbabble to make you all better!" Willow said. Xander was all better very quickly.
"The Pies! The Pies! The Pies!" cried Josie
Anya began to make pies, and Data and Odo joined in, making pies very quickly. "So what kind of chilli is this? Portchilli?" Anya said."No, chilli jokes are banned. This is rabbit chilli". said Odo. Any ran into Paris's arms crying.
And then, a BOOM OF DOOM came.
"We may be too late" yelled Josie...[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Nope, it was just me farting along with Odo and Xander," said Picard. "You can call us the Three Farts" continued Picard. Josie responded, "Well, your farts are out of tune. Now here is a tuned fart." Josie farted, which stunned everyone in a three mile radius. Just then, Cyberleader got an idea. "With some technobabble, we can create the ultimate farting machine that will save earth from the Piealith." Picard said "You must have been standing too close to Josie, perhaps in the direct path of the fart. You smell like it too."[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The Magic Shop was desserted. And suddenly, everyone was there. Picard,Riker,La Forge,Crusher,Wesley,Troi,
Data,Worf,Buffy,Willow,Xander,Tara,Giles,Dawn,Spik e,Paris, Cybermen,The Doctor,Goldmember,Austin Powers,Josie and John. Anya had teleported them all there, because she was getting bored of the whole "broken trainstation" thing.
"We...we...well, see, here's the thing: Sci-fi realms are converging. That's why we can all see and talk together. And this Piealith thing, it's causing pastry everywhere to explode." Tara went on, " We are the beginning of a new, strange, world, and Xander started it when he said how hot Archer is, and Andrew agreed, on that s7 ep where a female demon date spears him so wants to "gay it up".[/color:post_uid0]

[PointyHairedJedi]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Well," said Commander Straker, "that goes a long way to explaining what I'm doing here. And remember, you didn't see no UFO's whatsoever." "Are you going to deny their existence or something?" said a sceptical Cybercontroller. "The one we came is parked right over there!" Straker spun around, and seeing that the Cybercontroller was right, quickly ordered Skydiver to destroy it. "Way to go, Cybercontroller," said one of the Cybermen underlings. "Quiet you!" Cybercontroller quickly retorted, and reached behind his back to produce a sigh that said GOLD in large letters and hung it around the offending Cyberman's neck. "Ahhhh! The G-word!" the other Cybermen exclaimed in unison, and shot the one with the sign. S.I.D.'s voice suddenly came through from orbit on Straker's communicator which he had stolen from Barclay. "I am detecting a large cube shaped vessel approacing orbit at a range of twenty-two million kilometres and closing." At this K9 went off into a sulk, and Picard exclaimed, "I was wondering when they'd show up." Then, just to make things worse, there was a flash of light and who should appear but Q.....[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Well, now, lookie here, a sci-fi realm convergence. Silly mortals, you cant even *oof* mdfgrt oegfvr." said Q, until Willow gagged him magically."Q, you're up agaist Willow, Tara, Anya, Austin Powers and the rest. Give up now." Xander said. Q cried.And then..."We are the borg. Restistence is futile."
"Those rats stole my bfriend away once. I'de wish they'de all just turn into philosophy majors and stop trying to conquer the universe" Crusher said. "Granted" said Anya.
"We are the bored. Resillence is futile. If what we did was bad, does that mean we should all go to jail, or because we were forced, does that mean we..."*poof* they all went to UBC. "What's that, in sky, is it a bird, a plane? It's the Piealith!" said Buffy, as her lemon tart exploded.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Q looked supremely annoyed for a moment, then turned everybody in sight into furry pink mice. "SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK!" exclaimed Willow in annoyance.

Josie, the only one who was not affected, looked around with a frown. "Now, where has John gotten off to?" she wondered.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Thankfully, Willow was used to turning rodents back into people. So she did. But John was still nowhere in sight. Q tried to find him, but then he realized he was stuck in the convergence and could only do little magic tricks. Willow and Xander did an sexually suggestive locator spell, and they found the whole DS9 crew. "Hello Ben, Kira, Jadzia(nice to see you back from the dead) Kai Wen,(ditto) Ezri and Bashir, Rom, Odo, Jake, O'Brien, Gul Dukat, Weyoun/Brunt, Female Shapeshifter, Leeta, Kassidy, Molly, Garak, Damar, and the rest. I'm Quark Snyder, and welcome to The Sci-Fi Convergence."said Quark Snyder.
"Yes, but where is John? I want John! He's beefy" said Josie. And suddenly, 99redluftballoons went by.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The balloons all exploded suddenly, leaving everyone with ringing ears. Rom started screaming hysterically and had to be clubbed into silence by the rest of the DS9 crew.

"The situation is getting worse and worse!" wailed Josie. "SOMETHING must be done!"[/color:post_uid0]

[PointyHairedJedi]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Willow then dispatched the Borg ships, though still could not find John. "Maybe he wondered into the TARDIS and got lost?" mused the Doctor. "It wouldn't be the first time you know. I'll send K9 off to search for him". Joise looked thoughtful for a moment, then exclaimed suddenly, "The pies!". Everyone hurried to finish the pies, and the 47th came out of the oven just as the Piealith was visible hoving into view in orbit above them. It glowed brightly for a moment, then spun faster and faster until it eventually exploded and showered the whole world with bits of custard. "Well," said Picard, "that's that out of the way at least."[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Hold it" said Ezri, taking a break from Bashir, "But um, there's another, bigger, scarier Piealith coming our way! Look!"
*smoochies*"Wow, you're right" said Crusher. *Picard/Crusher smoochies*"Maybe this is another Apocolypse" said Spike,with really good sunscreen *Scoobies smoochies* "Puny hu-man students. The River of Homework will take of us" *Quark Snyder doesnt get any smoochies*
John walked in. Josie cheered for joy.
"Our only hope, the one who is powerful enough to cause the Convergence and the Piealith, and stop all this stuff, too" said Q. Â
John looked around."What? I just went for some pizza"[/color:post_uid0]

[Things Are Good]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"What the hell does this have to do with the plot?" Josie said.
"I don't think there even is a plot," Xander said. "It would explain a lot."
"Oh, sod off," the author used Spike to say.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]So John used his powers to destroy the Piealith while eating his pizza. Josie said, "That was a cool trick." John also sent everyone back to the places where they belonged with his last ounce of energy. However, he sent everyone to the wrong place, the train station. "Why are we back here again?" asked Odo. Meanwhile back whereever they were, Josie tended to John, who didnt look well. "Josie, you must find the others. I think they are lost in time." exclaimed John with his last breathe.[/color:post_uid0]

[PointyHairedJedi]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"That sounds more like my department", said the Doctor emerging from the TARDIS which for some reason had not been affected by John's powers. Â "Would anyone like some Yantrellian goat's cheese? I found it in the fridge." Noticing Josie's wary look, he replied, "It's perfectly fresh. It's only been in there for a mere 307 years. No time at all really."
"Maybe you should give it to Neelix," croaked John.
Meanwhile, over in the train station everyone was very glum, aoart from Q who was just jealous. Geordi, who had been silent for quite a while, suddenl piped up. "I've been thinking, and all this stuff just seems too wierd to be true. I think we must be on some kind of holodeck." No sooner had he spoken than the station around them started to flicker, everyone (including Josie, John, the Doctor, Romana and K9 who had been in the TARDIS) found themselves in a vast holo-chamber. The doors at the far end opened and who should walk in but Sloane....[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Hi everybody" said Sloane. "Hi secret agent man Sloane" said everybody. "Welcome to the Convergence Centre of Sci-Fi-ness. This was your introduction. We had to make sure you were ready, and since you even knew that you had to have a 'shipper ep, you are ready" said Sloane. "
"Yes, indeed they are. I have been watching from within. I usually do not like these types of tests, but this time it was fun." Giles said."But, Giles, you...watcher!" said Xander.
"Hi, we are the Gaurdians, and Section 31, and the FBI" said the Slayer Guardian."There is a problem: Trite sitcoms are making a comeback, that and bad reality shows.. And we need to make The Ultimate Sci-Fi Show. Welcome. You are the Chosen Ones:BTVS, DS9, NextGen, and the rest."[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"But," Picard pointed out, "everytime we all get together, absolute mayhem occurs! There's even less of a coherent plot than in a standard Enterprise episode!"

"True," said the Slayer Guardian. "But then that's not really our fault, is it?" At this, he turned a pointed glance at the forumgoers.

A muted shriek was heard far-off, and suddenly enormous rock-like cookies began raining down on the crew, courtesy of annoyed forumgoers who didn't like their story-telling skills being insulted.

"Now look what you've done!" howled Quark-Snyder and an extremely large rock cookie bounced off his head.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The cookies were still falling, but Willow had stopped them from hurting anyone but Quark Snyder."They are ones bugging us! And calling me a "he" " said the female Slayer Gaurdian, since all guardians are female. "Some dont know enough about Buffy, some dont know enough about the Dr WHO (they think its World Health Org.) the and Cybermen." Ben, Kira, Jadzi, Kai Wen, Ezri and Bashir, Rom, Odo, Jake, O'Brien, Gul Dukat, Weyoun/Brunt, Female Shapeshifter, Leeta, Kassidy, Molly, Garak, Damar, and the rest laughed. "Well, they all know about US!" said Jake. "And it's my turn for a plot!" Jake then realized something."I am The Kid of the Emissary. I can save the Convergense. I am a writer. I can write us a plot! I am more talented than the forumgoers!" So he did.[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Meanwhile, since it was Wednesday, O'Pipp walked up and slew an Alternate Universe Jonas who had appeared out of thin air for precisely that purpose.

Jake sighed. "There goes our PG rating," he said.

"I WANT MY SPOONS!" one of the Doctors suddenly shouted.

"There [i:post_uid0]is[/i:post_uid0] no spoon!" Neo retorted.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"See?!?!" howled Picard. "There it goes again! THEY are the enemy! They must be stopped!

Jake produced a magic typewriter from nowhere and started typing rapidly. "This should help!" he said. "Maybe we'll have more of a coherent storyline now."

"What are you doing?" Quark Snyder asked him.

"I'm plotting our escape. Shh! I need to think!"[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Just when he started to give up on a brilliant plan, an idea hit him like a ton of spoons, literally. "Where did these spoons come from?" asked Jake. "You wanted to escape, right?" asked Quark Snyder. "I thought we had no spoons in the kitchen" said Neo, who had a confused look on his face. "I also thought I was dead in the first scene of this story" continued Neo. "Well, we needed to bring you back into the plot for legal reasons, "said Jake. "Well, then can I be someone who can fly really fast and can dodge pies?" asked Neo. "There is only room for one superhero around here," said John, who had just woke up from a long nap and was holding a pizza. "Fine, I will settle for the hacker," said Neo.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Tara gave Neo a magical computer, he shut up. Jake was happy. He finally had a plot-where he could right the plot! *Jake's writing the plot now*
Anya suddenly had very strong attraction to Jake. The spoons stop falling, and there was a large sound. Kai Win was hitting Dukat on the head. "I came back from hell for THIS?" said Dukat. "I was in heaaaaaavvvvveeeeennn, and my friends pulled my out to this hell. But I get to pump Spike." said Buffy. Quark Snyder said "Hu-man, you do not even talk about PDA when I'm around! Tell me more" And Jake had a plot!"That's it!" he said, "Look at Quark Snyder. How come he's both here? He is the Convergence Ideal. He can lead us to coherent plot!" Sloane and Gaurdians were pleased. They had run out of ideas. The forumgoers where also pleased.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Let's throw Jake a party!" exclaimed 17 in delight.

"Wait!" yelled NAH. "You're not supposed to be writing us into the story!"

"I'm... not?" 17 looked confused. "But it's Friday."

All the assorted peoples who had been in the story up till then turned and gave the forumgoers a strange look. "Now, how am I supposed to write THIS into the story?" yellled Jake.

"17! What have you done!" wailed Opium, as orange-flavoured cookies started raining on the scene.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"17, portraying me as yelling isnt going to improve what I do to you!" continued Opium. And suddenly, 17 had a horrible, throbbing desire to be Quark Snyder's wife. Sisko married them. Jake was pleased. "Good, now we can have a shipper ep" he said. Tara and Willow had a picnic, but Xander watched from behind a tree while he had picnic with Jake and Anya, who was staring at Spike and Buffy doing it inside Sloane's office. Crusher and Picard ate crousants and coffee with Ezri/Bashir and Odo/Kira. Everything was peachy keen. "There's always something bad in Shipper ep" said Giles. And suddenly Sloane was boinked in the head with a pie. Chris Carter walked in. "That's for not including XFiles in the Ultimate Scifi series". "Time to kick some Carter butt, let's get dirty" said Buffy. "Now THIS is a party" said Jake.[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Neo agreed, but added, "Still, we're missing something...Oh, I know what it is."

"What?" Jake wanted to know.

"Can't say," Neo apologized. "This is Saturday, and the two haven't been mentioned recently. Let's just say it rhymes with BonC."

Josie, John, K9, Romana, and six of the Doctors copied Beverly Crusher's trick from a short time ago by just looking quizzically at the speaker.





[i:post_uid0]And just for the record
[quote:post_uid0="taya17"]"Wait!" yelled NAH. "You're not supposed to be writing us into the story!"[/quote:post_uid0]
taya17 has managed to nail me here :O, but I don't mind her writing us in. ;)[/i:post_uid0][/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Jake decided he needed to write a filler scene, so he wrote about the fight. Christ Carter tried wimply to fight Buffy, but he just could not fight her. Xander and Spike joined in, and finally Picard gave the order to "Fire at Chris at Will." Carter was subdued, Crusher treated him, and he was taken to the Paramount Wacky Science Research Hospital to rest. Anya wasn't impressed by Xander, and she stayed with Jake, so Xander went all Spike-y on Jake. But Bashir seperated the two, and Ezri counselled them on how not to fight. Quark Snyder said, "Now now hu-mans, fighting wont get you anywhere unless it's on Pay-Per-View." Slayer Gaurdian, who was about to lose her spot, said, "Quark Snyder, why do you keep getting pointless little lines everywhere?" "Because" Opium said. That was a satisfactory answer.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Taya gave Jake some ideas for his story, including characters he could use, like Zeke, Kira, Sax, NAHTMMM, and NeoMatrix. "NeoMatrix? We already have Neo, "said Jake. "He is the Neo in the Matrix. You understand now?" asked Tara. "Oh ok," said Jake.

Opium decided it was time to start a subplot. She wanted to go on a quest, a quest to seek the holy pie. This was the only pie that was not destroyed by the Piealith, but was lost and never seen again.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Hey, Neo, I'm a GIRL. GRRRL!" said Opium. Spike, who Opium likes, suddenly attacked Neomatrix, since he isnt human. Opium found the pie, John was eating it, and she served it at the picnic. Meanwhile, Quark Snyder, Anya, Kai Win, Dukat, Q, Wesley, and Goldmember got together to plan an evil plan. Sloane and the Gaurdians, however, stopped them, or so they thought. Jake said,"No no NO what's happening to my plot?" Sisko said, "Jake, I am your father" "I know that, dad". But then Jake realized, he was having a Prophet moment. "The son of the One must have a bun" said Prophet Riker. "The Son of the One must write a pun" said Prophet Trio. "The Son of the One must be able to run" said Prophet Worf. Jake took this newfound knowledge back with him, and began to write the plot for the Convergence.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Jake, fresh from his orb experience, propped up his typewriter between his knees and began to type. He knew he had to work fast, because the situation around him was rapidly dissolving into chaos-dissolved-in-hydrochloric acid. While most of the characters were having a raving party to the sounds of the Velvet Underground, 17 was chasing Opium around with a pointy stick for marrying her off to Quark Snyder.

Jake put a bun between his teeth and chewed. How should he start? Ah, yes, the classic.

[i:post_uid0]It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly, an attorney appeared on the horizon....[/i:post_uid0][/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Then, the sun disappeared behind thick dark clouds. It began to rain heavily and the wind was so strong, everybody had to tie themselves to trees not to be blown away.
Jake, who was not affected by the story and just sat there, typing, saw a small man in a black suit at the horizon.
He smiled. "It's working," he cheered, and typed on.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Jake went on:
The rain died down a bit, so people could release themselves from the trees. The lawyer in the suit came up to talk to Jake. "Jake, I believe that you were kidnapped. Your life has been taken away so can write a story that you are in, so that the Convergence Show can work, so sci-fi can make a comeback. I can help you. I can get your life back." Sloane then ran in into the picnic area. "No, that's Jack McCoy from Law and Order" yelled Sloane, "He's trying to..." Jake interupted. "I brought him the story, to bring interest, and to sue your butt off". The story continued. Sloane was hit by lighting. The Lawyer said, " Sloane, I am going to sue you, but after that, I am going to sue Jake for writing you getting struck by lighting."[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"But he was ennoying" Jake argued. "That's no excuse" answered McCoy. "Oh, never mind" mumbled Jake, "I'll make you forget when this is over." "What was that?"
At that moment, a shuttle came into view, and landed on the surface. "Who is that?" Quark Snyder asked. "I don't know" said Jake, "I didn't write that."[/color:post_uid0]

[PointyHairedJedi]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Damn," said Crighton, stepping from the shuttle. "Why is it wormholes are so badly signposted? I keep getting lost."
"Hah. You don't need to tell [i:post_uid0]me[/i:post_uid0] that," said Sisko.
"The Convergence seems to be getting worse," commented the Doctor. "All we need now is the Battlestar [i:post_uid0]Galactica[/i:post_uid0] to show up and we'd practically have the entre set."
"You know, it's funny you should say that...." said the Smoking Man, pointing to the sky. Everyone looked up just in time to see the [i:post_uid0]Galactica[/i:post_uid0] hove into view in orbit above them.
"Great!" yealled PHJ who had appeared from inside the TARDIS. "And they've brought the Cylons with them! This just get better and better!"
"You know, the fact that it's AU Week might have something to do with this" hypothesised MirrorKira.
"I haven't been typing any of this either!" said Jake. "What's going on?"[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"I'm sorry Jake" said Opium, "it's these other, non-poppyseed loving forumgoers. But here, my friend LongForgotten is offering cookies. You are her favorite DS9, and now The Convergence character, since you write and stuff." Longforgotten gave some special cookies to Jake, some "grassy" cookies that made him veeeeeeerrrrrrrrryyyyy happy. He started to write with his eyes closed, as he now could override the forumgoers:
The Convergence could see the light and purple elephants and the pink zebras. Q and LF started to date. Crusher and Picard got married. Ezri and Bashir made out, and LF objected and yelled, "Ezri, you whine too much!" Ezri gave LF a councilling session, and LF started to not mind Ezri, and even gave her some lipbalm so Ezri could kiss Bashir more. LF went and left everyone alone so we could get on with the story.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Jake was getting bored of having no forumgoers helping him write. "Please help me" he said.[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"So [i:post_uid0]you[/i:post_uid0] call yourself a writer?" said Catalina as she stepped from behind a tree, "Wat kind of writer are you if you can't write without help?"
"I... just have... no inspriration right now. Yes. But the story must go on, so please help me."
"Alright then. I'll give you... a vision."[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Your story is too perky and happy. You've got to write some tragedy into it. You've got to write some [i:post_uid0]death[/i:post_uid0]."

"Er, right," said Jake hesitantly. "I'll keep that in mind."

"You know," said Crichton, "I don't see how that's going to help us get out of this story."

"Well," 17 pointed out reasonably, "if you're dead you wouldn't be in the story any more, would you? Besides, it makes a better read."

The forumgoers smiled at Jake. He sighed, and set his hands down on the typewriter again...[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Jake just sat there staring at the blank page in his typewriter. "Uh oh, I think I have writer's block," said Jake. NeoMatrix came by and said, "You need a hero and a villain, plus someone who needs to be rescued. Think of a good plot and setting, then the story will fall into place." "Thanks alot," said Jake cheerfully.[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Thanks alot" he repeated, more sarcastically this time. "Allright then, how shall I call the hero?"
"Call him Julian!" Bashir interupted his line of thoughts.
"Riiiiight..." Jake answered, "I thought it had to be a [i:post_uid0]little[/i:post_uid0] realistic."
"Then call the one who needs to be rescued Ezri, and the bad guy Sloan." Bashir continued.
"Hey!" Obviously, Sloan did not agree.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Well, *I* am the writer here," Jake pointed out, "so I get to decide who is the good guy, who is the bad guy, and most importantly, who gets to die. Catalina said I had to write more death into my story." He flexed his fingers. "Right then, that part should be easy enough, and I'll start with it." His fingers started flying over the typewriter keyboard.

Suddenly a large marble pillar appeared out of nowhere and fell on Crichton's head.

"Oh my god," exclaimed Sloane, "you killed John, you bas--"

Another large marble pillar appeared out of nowhere and fell on Sloane's head.

Jake grinned. "This could get fun." He continued typing.

A white horse burst forth onto the scene. It's rider, an extremely tall, thin fellow, disembarked.

ER, he said. THERE SEEMS TO BE A PROBLEM.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Hi, I'm Legolas" said Legolas. Jake explained: "Opium thinks Legolas is hot, and Julian's ego is too big...we needed something to tone it down with hotness". Bashir launched himself at Legolas. Legolas gave him a big hug. Then, slowly, he bent down, and looked at John and Sloane. "I can save these two. I need a powerful witch or two" Tara and Willow both raised their hands. "Good" said Legolas.*Jake wasnt really interested in the whole magic thing,or Legolas, but he liked the "magic=sex theme" from BTVS* Tara and Willow began the spell, and Legolas helped. The all started to get hot and chant. Willow got all black-eyed and scary, and *somehow* Quark Snyder got a million zits, but then Legolas got up. "The spell has worked." he said. Xander interupted, "Something bad always happens after an anti-death spell" "Another problem?" said Bashir[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Problems are good," said Jake, "It makes the story interesting."
"But this might be a problem you can't handle," Bashir answered.
"I'm the DM, I can handle anything." Jake said.
A silence followed, in which all looked at Catalina.
"Sorry," said Catalina, "I'm playing d&d, and I just couldn't restist."[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Jake sighed. Everytime he got a story under control, it always seemed to take a life of it's own and start running away as if the Legions of Death were on it's tail (metaphorically speaking, that is).

"Why does this [i:post_uid0]always[/i:post_uid0] happen to me?" he howled, as a bright flash enveloped them for no reason other than someone other than Jake wanted it to happen.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"You are the Sisko Kid" said Prophet Anya, "And you must marry Anya by sundown"
"You are the Sisko Kid" said Prophet Ezri, "You are the new sheriff. You write Blazing Sadles in the sun."
"You are the Sisko Kid" said Prophet Quark Snyder, "You must learn everything by tomorow morning, or you will lose the capital earnings potential on you project".
Jake was confused, "So now I am bringing in a 20th century Mel Brooks comedy? Why?"
"The Sisko Kid talks too much" said Prophet Picard. Jake was back in the Convergence. Legolas rushed to his side. "Jake, you are the chosen one, but I'm still prettiest." Xander built a movie screen, and everyone watched Blazing Sadles. Jake knew what he must do. The prophets were nuts.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Therefore," he proclaimed happily, "I must restore order by erasing everything that has occurred in this story so far and start anew!"

"And just how are you going to do that?" asked Ezri.

"Er.... well." Jake was stumped. "I haven't thought of [i:post_uid0]that[/i:post_uid0] bit yet..."[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Well, the simple way was to burn everything. And that is what was done. Everyone was happy. They all went outside to play. They had a great time.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Jake was sad. His story was going out of control. "Again, you are LEAVING ME! Well, NO MORE!" he said. So he got the Nerd Trio from Buffy to help him.
"Sorry, but I'm out of the game. Xander reformed me. I love his...carpentry" said Andrew.
"Hey, I was just in it because it was something to do until I got into Oxford.Bye now" said Jonathan, and he left.
"I'm in. I'm evil. I'm the big evil powerful superman" said Warren, "I can fight any problem. I can *Willow and Tara come in holding hands* HEY, I KNOW you just are waiting for me, because... OWOWOW" Everyone had gotten bored of Warren, and carried him out while hitting him with frisbees. Odo put him in jail. Jake was mildly entertained.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]*end of commercial break*
Hmmm, where did everyone go? Looks like everyone went on vacation. Well, they deserve it. Writing a story is no easy task. So who was left in charge in case a emergency came up? Oh no, looks like we are doomed? They left Janeway in charge.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Janeway blinked. "I was left in charge? What? How come nobody ever tells me these things?"

Jake rubbed his chin. "Well, it could have been worse. They could have left the story in the hands of [i:post_uid0]The Doctor[/i:post_uid0]..."

17 rolled her eyes in annoyance and stuck a pistol in Jake's back. "Enough talk, start writing the story! The typewriter is THERE for a reason..."

Jake scowled. "I've got writer's block!"

"Then this should help you!" A bright flash of light, and suddenly tribbles populated the area where 17 once stood.

Jake gulped. "I've got a bad feeling about this...."[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Jake shakily started to write. "Okay, tribbles are breeding maniacs. Hmmm, maybe Tara and Willow could start a magic spay/neuter program." Jake said to the forumgoers. "No, that would be too easy" said Opium. Xander came in. "Sorry, but Tara and Willow are out making magic of their own. I tried to watch but..."he showed everyone the big bruise on bum. But, oddly, the Tribbles seemed to stop breeding and pay extra attention to Xander's magic comment. "Hey, that's it!" said Jake, "The Tribbles like slash so much they stop doin' it to hear more! Everyone has to do some Slash!" He started writing quickly. Andrew's admiration of Xander ran Xander over...literally...and Bashir and Legolas started, um, being close. The Tribbles were mezmerized. Tara and Willow brought in a camara and started taking some SLASH photography...[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]However, they forgot about the dangers of flashing mezmerized tribbles. It was too late. Once the first flashed took place, there were drunk tribbles everywhere. You do not want to be around drunk tribbles. The good news that 17 reappeared, however, she started multiplying. Before long, there were 17 17's running around. 1 of 17 ran over and took the camera away from Tara and showed them the warning lable on the back of the camera, which read, "Warning, Flash will cause harm to Tribbles and Grimlins. Danger: Do not operate camera within 100 feet of any weird anomolies that has caused a person to disappear." "See what you have done?" 1 of 17 said. "I must now compete against 17 other 17's to be the most beautiful 17. You know how bad this is going to be on my reputation? What if a handsome man decides to pick 5 of 17 over me?"[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Jake gulped. Now he didn't have just one 17 to contend with, he had 17!

"This isn't good," he muttered. "I have to recombine them... perhaps using 29th century technology...." And he started typing furiously.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Jake wrote yet another magic scene for Tara and Willow, and quickly there were only two 17's.
"But which one the REAL 17?" asked Picard, randomly coming back from a long hiatus.
"Hmm, we must see who she loves. Quark his your husband, 17, is he not?" said a smirking Odo.
"Oh, yes, and I loooove him so much that I..." *zap*. Now there was just 17, but strangly, oddly, 16 new Jakes appeared.
"Xander" said Willow, "Did you use some of the Marinus Jainus for personal use?" XAnder nodded. Now there were all those Jakes, all typing, typing, typing, as they had each come complete with magical typewriters and their own batteries.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The forumgoers gulped. "I can only forsee a massive tangle of 16 different storylines churned out by 16 different Jakes," said 17 faintly.

Jake 1 grinned maniacally and started writing random Harry Potter characters into the story.[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Suddenly, Drizzt appeared out of thin air.
"Who's responsible for this one?" Ezri asked. Jake 4 stuck up one hand, going on with the other.

Max came flying over on her bike, landing after a high and far jump, and almost run over Drizzt, who jumped aside just in time.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]But then, Xander, Willow, and Tara, along with Bashir and Ezri, started to dance "The Lumbada-it makes sex look like church!" from that show about a certian yellow-skinned, nuclear-loving (and hating) family.
"Okay, which Jake did that" asked the weirded out forumgoers.
All the Jake's raised their hands.
"Doh!" said Bashir.
"Dont have a cow, forumgoers" said Xander."It's a fun dance-you just kinda do a thingy and then some stuff and then cha-cha-VOOM!"[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The relentless clicking of typewriters continued. Story threads twined, clashed and got themselves caught into massive balls of tangle. Which, to be honest, isn't that much of a departure from the storyline here so far. But I digress.

"Something MUST be done about the chaos!" exclaimed Janeway. "And since nobody else seems to be sane enough to do the right thing, I will!" And she picked up her compression phaser rifle and started shooting random Jakes.

"But wait, how will you know which one is the REAL Jake?" Xander asked her.

"Does it matter?" asked Janeway, blasting Jake 7 into oblivion.

"Yes! Only the REAL Jake can help us eradicate this mess!"


(Edit: Woo! Post no. 500!)[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Janeway sighed. "Which one of you is the real Jake?" she asked, quite annoyed.
All Jakes stuck up their hands.
"That helped," she said, and started shooting Jakes again.
"Wait!" Willow stopped her, "Is there is one real Jake, wouldn't he logically be numbered 1?"
"I guess that does make sense" Janeway answered. She walked toward Jake 1 and took him by his collar. "Are you the real Jake?"
"Yes"
"That settles it than" she said, while she fired at Jake 12.
"Hold that thought" Bashir went over to Jake 16 and said: "Are you the real Jake?"
"Yes"
"See?" Bashir told Janeway.[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Bashir counted on his fingers, "There are only nine Jakes left. That makes our job easier."

"But what if the real Jake is already dead?" Xander wanted to know.

"He can't be," Bashir said smugly. "Then we would be doomed. That isn't allowed to happen."

"That settles it, then," Janeway said with satisfaction, as she raised her phaser rifle and prepared to blast eight more Jakes at random.

"Wait! Wait! Er, I'm not sure the rule would hold now that we all have had a chance to let the reader know how doomed we'd be if we shot the wrong Jake," Bashir protested.

Meanwhile, the remaining Jakes were typing busily.

"Then what do we do now?" Janeway demanded.

"Hold a 'Survivor' contest!" Anya shouted.

"Give them all a quiz," suggested Ezri, who, due to loneliness from being one of only about three Starfleeters mentioned within the past ten posts, had taken to watching [i:post_uid0]The Holy Grail[/i:post_uid0] over and over again.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Just as Ezri said this, there was some strange sounds that made all remaining Jakes, Bashir, and Xander veeerrryyy happy. All the Jakes were restored.
"Oooo, 17 Jakes again!" said Anya,"how did Willow and Tara knew that that was what I wished for?"
"That was MY wish too, Anya" said Andrew, who needs an obligotory sexually ambigous comment in every ep."But why?"
"Because Jake 1 was over there a second ago" said Tara, pointing, "but next time Jake 1 was the one with purple typewriter, over there"
"So we need all the Jakes back for the Survivor series" said Willow.
"Couldnt you just do some magic?" asked 17.
"yes, but who doesnt want to watch 17 hot, sweaty Jakes run on logs?" said Willow.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Janeway then interupted by saying, "Lets she who survives my phaser cannon of DOOM." Janeway started firing at random, losing control of the cannon. The train station was destroyed again thanks to Janeway. Josie popped out of nowhere and saw the train station, then cried. One of the randon out of control shots was heading towards Josie. Just as the blast was about to hit Josie, he performed a matrix-move and ducked out of the way of the blast. "You are one fast cow," noted Janeway. Janeway finally was able to stop the cannon. Then all 17 Jakes went to work on the trainstation. However, they were to build 17 stations. The first one to finish was the winner of the survivor game. "This will improve transport time between dimensions," said Josie.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Quark Snyder came back from the Shire. He was surprised to see 17 Jake's. Legolas Turner was with him, in elven leggings, pirate shirt and very,very cool hair. Everyone gathered around Legolas Turner, nearly crushing Quark Snyder. The 17 Jakes started to write.
And quickly, all at the same time, 17 new trainstations were built. Then some theme music came over the crowd. Jack Sparrow jumped off from on of the platforms.
"Wow, 20 guys, a few pretty girls." Jack Sparrow said.
"Sir, we are not just pretty girls, we are powerful, educucated witches" said Willow
"I like strong women...and you there, why are you looking so hot'n huffy?"asked Sparrow
Xander just shifted his gaze...[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]and it fell upon the figure of Nanny Ogg.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Nancy walks up to Xander, slaps him, zaps him, then dissapears. He falls to the ground and faints. When Xander wakes up, he notices that something was a little different about him. He runs to look at himself in a mirror only to get the shock of his life. Nancy had turned him into a female.[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Then, Willow walked towards him. "Hey pretty girl!"
"Willow... It's me, Xander!" Xander answered.
"I know. Did you know I always had a crush on you? That is, until Tara opened my eyes..."[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"But now, Xander, you're a girl and, well, Tara is in love with AUEzri, who loves her back. So...wanna be lovers and marry and be happy?" asked Willow
"YESYESYESYESYESYESYES" said Xander."I love you."
Everyone, including Tara and AUEzri, and all 17 Jakes, smiled.
"About time" said Anya "now I can be happy with Quark Snyder and not worry about you two".
At this, Taya17 protested. "But Quarky Snyder, You're my lovely dovey"
Everyone laughed. All the Jakes were happy. They had finally made many, many shippers happy, and even added some very odd slash.
"Let's PARTY!" said Jake 3,2, and 8. And of course...[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]17 THWAPPED Opium over the head for the gratuitous Quark/17 mush in the previous contribution.[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]So Jake 9 and 14 arranged a band, while Jake 16 took care of the lights and snacks.
Then, Angel came in. "Hi, guys! How's it going?"
Everyone was surprised, except Jake 5, who was typing with a big smile on his face.

(At least you made shippers happy. :D *runs*)[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Hey, Xander, you're finally with Willow! Good for you" said Angel. Buffy reappeared from shooting Scooby Doo 2 and ignored Angel, instead dragging Spike from behind him.
"Spikey ikey mikey, I wuv yoo sho muchy wuchy" said Buffy.
Everyone rolled their eyes.
Jake 5 ran over to Angel. "hey, body ol' pal, how yah doing?" Angel said. Everyone was confused. Xander and Willow continued to snuggle, and Jake 3 got some candy, J2 got some pop and chips, and J8 turned on some 'tunes. Opium slapped Taya17 by making her cry over losing Quark Snyder. Taya17 cried and cried a river over losing Quark Snyder, and she even tried to kill Anya, who of course cant really die in this AU cus she's a venengce demon.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Well, it's alright," she finally muttered. "Since I can't kill Anya, I'll just turn on the next best target, namely the person who has been defaming my character by trying to hook me up with a creature of the greatest disrepute."

With that, 17 pulled out a large Minbari baguette and started THWAPPING Opium soundly on the head.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]What Taya17 didnt realize, however, was that she was thwapping the holographic Opium. But Opium understood, and stopped making Taya17 be in love with Quark Snyder.
Meanwhile, the party was going great. Willow and Xander announced their engagement,which made Anya jealous, so she a QS announced their engagement too. J5 and Angel also announced THEIR engagement. Everyone was getting very wierded out.
And then, suddenly, a gleaming light appeared, and Tara stepped out from it...[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]... and she gave Opium a big hug for being such a kind and understanding soul.

"Now," Tara said, "you must be wondering why everybody is feeling so weirded out. The explanation is simple. There is a single culprit behind this entire sorry affair, who is none other than..."[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Original Jake and an acomplace" said Tara.
Opium apoligized for her bad spelling and her Quark Snyder/Taya17 fling.
Everyone ignored Opium, as they were too engrossed with Tara's revelation.
Finally, Original Jake spoke.
"Well, what did you expect? 7 years of goodness, even Crusher got to go evil a few times. I needed to be evil. So I started writing all this, in May. And then I realized there were all these forumgoers and all these characters, and I latched on. And so I started righting wrongs, making techobabble make sense, making shippers happy-all the things sci-fi considers evil." said Jake."And my acomplice is..."[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"... none other than John Sheridan!"

Muffled groans were heard from the audience.[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" came a sound from behind a hill, "Not John Sheridan! He's a demon, and unkillable. Believe me, I've tried. He's like, the ultimate evil, worse than The First."
"Shut up Angel," said Buffy, "I think he's cute."
"Hey!" said Spike.
"Not as cute as Spikey here though," Buffy quickly put in, throwing Spike on the ground and jumping on top of him.
Angel watched with a sad face. "He's not as evil as B/S though."[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Angel started to cry, so J5 came over and talked to him. Xander and Willow smiled and hugged, as Spike and Buffy went to another room to, uh,mingle closely.
Suddenly Tara and AUEzri remembered the REAL problem: John Sheridan and OJake's plan.
"Everyone, stop!" Tara sternly said, "Remember, there is a serious problem. Remember, some of our fellow Sci-Fi-ers disappeared from lack of mentioning them, died, and worst of all, put with Quark Snyder. This MUST be stopped, somehow..." Tara was interupted by OJake.
"No, it was no JS and I who did those things, we just wrote it to bring you all here. We must find...The Real Killers!" said OJake.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"That's ridiculous," said John Sheridan. "Of course it was I who did all these things. I am evil, I tell you! EVIL!"
"No, you're not," said Opium, "You're just insane. I believe Original Jake."[/color:post_uid0]

[AKAArzosah]

[color=#000000:post_uid0](not part of story)

So when will this story be put together on a site of it's own? huh? huh?[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Soon :D[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"And I believe OJake too, when he speaks of the Real Killers" said Tara.
"And so do I" said Willow and Xander at the same time.
"Well, I think these Real Killers have a lot of explaining to do, as they would be wonderful marketing gimics" said Quark Snyder. Anya swooned.
"Okay, okay, OKAY, so I'm just little old John Sheridan, hoping somone will pay attention to me. See, I thrive on attention. I die without it." said John Sheridan.
"Um...okay...yah" said Angel.
"But really, who ARE the killers?" asked Xander.
"Perhaps we must use magic to find out..." said a smiling OJake.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]((this isnt part of the story...but hehe, I *could* post this at fanfiction.net...that would be funny...and maybe we would get enough flames to roast marshmellows)) :D ((anyone object? 8| ))[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Abracadabraalakazam!" yelled John Sheridan at the top of his voice.
There was a sudden flash of light, and suddenly all seventeen Jakes had been turned into nervous pink bunnies with twitching ears.
"Look at what you've done!" shrieked Anya in dismay.
"Whoops," said Sheridan, "I think I waved my wand the wrong way. Damned thing is acting--up--again--"
"You know, guys, I don't think that's all he's done," said Angel slowly, as a dark shadow fell ominously upon the scene.....


[you want to post this on ffnet?! what are you, crazy? oh, right then. shoot away!][/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The dark shadow was of a giant Taya. John had enlarged her by an enormous amount. John smiled as he looked at his creation. Taya picked John up with her huge hand and played with him like a doll. All the other guys just stared at her boobs, and wondered if they could get up to them. They mixed up a big batch of sleeping potion and put it in a drink for Taya, which she drank. After awhile, she fell asleep and all the guys climbed aboard for some fun. However, the potion was not enough and she began to wake up.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"GET OFF, YOU PERVERTS!" she yelled, flicking all the guys onto the grass like so many ants. Furious, she put all of them in a giant glass cup and set them adrift in the Baltic ocean.

"Help us!" howled the men piteously. "We're sorry! Forgive us!"[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Tara, AUEzri, Willow and Xander walked in on the scene. "What the...NO JAKES's? The story will disolve into a horrible mess" said Tara.
"Uh...I think it already has" said Xander. Conjuring up some five-way magic (Anya wanted the bunnies GONE no matter what), they brought back the 17 Jakes.
"Okay, so maybe John Sheridan IS the real killer" said OJake.
"But is it the REAL John?" asked Buffy.Tara, AUEzri, Willow, Xander and Anya did another five-way.
"Well, in a word, yes," said Willow. Everyone was shocked.
"John, that's five weeks detention and four bars goldpressedlatnum" said Quark Snyder, as everyone groaned at the worn-out joke except Anya.Who was worse:John or QS?[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]A dark, ominous cloud fell upon the scene. "NEITHER," boomed a voice from the heavens. "THE ONE YOU SHOULD BE MORE CONCERNED ABOUT IS..."[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Legolas Turner!" finished the voice, who turned out to be Picard hiding behind a cloaked force field.
"WHAT?" said everyone, clearly confused.
"Yes, Legolas Turner. LOTR and POTC are two hot movies, and Orlando Bloom is in both of them. And he makes Legolas Turner, the most non-threating, nice, kind, caring guy ever."
The girls all nodded and swooned. The guys all looked annoyed and grumbled.
"With all the fangirls and fanguys and fanforumgoers,"continued Picard," Legolas Turner, and his friends Frodo, Samwise, and Jack Sparrow, are threatening-by being so nonthreating-to accidentally take over fanfic!"[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Do any of them have Kippers of Thwapping?" PHJ wanted to know.

"Well, no," admitted Picard, "though I suspect that Jack Sparrow has a Scone of Smashing. He won't admit to it, though."

"Then that's all right," said PHJ, who went back to plotting against Microsoft.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Well, PHJ had just about to come up with a brilliant plan when Picard ripped a loud fart, but he blamed it on one of the Jakes, who then blamed it on another Jake. All the Jakes began blaming another Jake for the fart. They got in a big fight. Picard stepped in and told them of a challege. "There only needs to be one Jake, so we are going to have a big phaser fight to see who the one Jake will be." Picard set all 17 phasers to Kill and gave them to each of the Jakes. Picard beamed himself and PHJ to a safe position and announced the start of the fight. Every Jake scrambled for cover while trying to kill off each other. It was a long battle eventless battle because nobody was moving from their spot.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]((not part of the story...but uh...all the Jakes except OriginalJake (OJake) are bunnies, so Picard has got one crappy army, except agaist Anya :D ...okay, so its just nuts to mention that, but I'm all stuffed up and high on cough medicine....)[/color:post_uid0]

[AKAArzosah]

[color=#000000:post_uid0](you brought back the Jakes in your third last post... I am trying to make sense of this? Am I insane? Yes. Oh. OK then.)[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]And thus was begun The War of the 17 Jakes.
Suddenly, somebody exclaimed out loud, "By gum! Jake 17 is missing!"
"Where could he have gone to?" wondered Picard, just as huge flying saucers appeared in the sky...


(Insane? Aren't we all? WHOO HOO!)[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]((okay,maybe the cold was worse than I thought...I dont remember bringing the jakes back, yet there they are! :O ))
((and now for our story...))


17 flying saucers landed on 17 launch pads. Finally, OJake pulled out his trusty typewriter and began to write. He turned the war into a subplot, and made Legolas Turner and Jack Sparrow's takeover the main plot. Â He made Jake 17 remote-control the saucer to launch pies, tea cups and coffee 17 at a time, and play LOTR and POTR 17 times each at a time, so that all computer signals become filled with POTRLOTR goodness amd mezmerized everyone. Tara, AUEzri, Xander, Willow and Anya formed a five-way protection spell, to prevent any serious injuries, but not before Legolas Turner was adorably covered in pie. The spell broke, however, because Willow couldnt help watching Legolas on the computer AND in real life. OJake tried a different tactic, mainly, having the saucers malfunction. Legolas Turner then asked Jake 17 for a frienly duel to make up for the pie...[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]... but his request was interrupted by a very large orange meringue in the act of exploding.

Covered in meringue bits, 17 howled, "I think the story's just got out of hand again! JAAAAAAAKE!"[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Cant you forumgoers write ANYTHING without me?" asked OJake. Everyone shook their heads. Jake began to write.
Legolas Turner, angered by the pie, took out his sword and his bow, and handed his sword to Jack Sparrow. Jake17 tried to send a message for the saucers to send out more pie, but Jack Sparrow expertly thwapped him on his head with the flat part of the sword. When Jake17 tried to get up, Legolas Turner shot a barrage of arrows, pinning Jake17 to ground without hurting him. Willow got out her trusty laptop and sent a virus out into the saucers, causing them all to explode, as 17 John Sheridan's parachuted out. However, they landed in Angel's puddle of tears, and all drowned.
Suddenly, Quark Snyder called out, "NOOOOO! I never got to tell you..."[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]... I love you, John!"

The 17 John Sheridans promptly revived to puke their guts out, before subsequently dying again.

"Oh, very funny, Jake," said 17 in annoyance. "I suppose you'll be writing William Shatner's hairpiece into this next, eh?"

OJake grinned and looked guilty. "Errr... heh heh."[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Before everyone could giggle at OJake though,
"Look! Look at all these tribbles raining down!" said Picard as 17 light brown, 17 medium brown, and 17 red-brown Tribbles fell from the sky. Everyone gasped. Worf ran in from the chartrues green room, yelling various profanities. But then...
"Hey, these arent Tribbles, these are hair pieces!" said Xander."OJake, how could you DO this?" OJake wrote furiusly. Three teenagers walked in.
"Hello, I'm Harry, this is Hermione and Ron" said Harry.
"Oh, this is a Sci-Fi Confergence!" squeeled Hermione.
"Hi, I'm Legolas Turner. You may know me from varius slash fics that have us together." said Legolas Turner, as everyone gasped.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Hey hey hey," yelled an irate forumgoer. "No mention of slash here, alright?"

"Does anyone realize that we are no nearer to getting out of this mess than we were, say, five pages ago?" asked Opium.

"Isn't that more or less the bloody point?" OJake replied, writing furiously. It started raining random Minbari.

"Ouch," said Hermione, as a random Minbari warrior landed head-first on Ron, "that has got to hurt."[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Look, what do you people expect?" said an irate OJake,"I mean, really now, there's implied everything, random tribbles, spoons, not to mention Mary Sue's!"
"We are not ALL Mary Sue's" said Opium, who had been re-stringing Legolas Turner's bow and shining Jack Sparrow's sword," I am the props mistress for this fanfic!"
"Right, look, why dont we all just calm down and have some tea while I look at Ron's wound?" said Tara.
"YAY, TEA!" said Hermione, Harry, Giles, Buffy and Spike.
"When did you become British, Buffy?" asked a forumgoer.
"When I got with Spike, of course." replied Buffy.
"SEE! THIS is what I'm talking about!" yelled an even more irate OJake.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]17 gave OJake a funny look. "This is what WHAT is all about? I mean, that is what this is all about? I mean, er... ARGH!"
The other forumgoers turned and gave 17 a funny look, then looked at OJake. "Have you done something to her again?"
"Well," said OJake, "she DID start this, didn't she? She deserves some punishment! So I decided to...[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"...first put her with Quark Snyder, but that didnt work. So now, oh yes now, I am having all 17 clones in love with her!" continued OJake.
"There must be a reason you havent written us out of this yet!" said Jack Sparrow," There are five BTVSwitches, 3 powerful teenage wizards/witches, and this Quark Snyder bloke who should be able to buy himself out of anything, or guilt anyone into submission. But no. Why is that?"
Hermione, Ron and Harry all had the same idea-they put a Truth Charm on OJake.
"It's that, well, I like it here. I dont have much of career, and I miss Ezri, and Quark Snyder, and all you other folks are just swell" said OJake, "And also, I love on of you here..."[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"No," gasped 17, "you can't be in love with...."
"Opium," OJake sadly confessed.
The 17 Jake clones started laughing their heads off. "Hey," protested OJake. "You're my clones, you're supposed to be sympathethic to my cause!"
Hermione shook her head. "Who would have thought!"[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Hey! 'Sad'? 'Laughing' How dare you!" said Opium, and suddenly, all 17 Jake clones, and of course Taya17, fell in love with Quark Snyder. "Well, at least Jake isnt QS!
Taya17 became cvery distuaght, and began to plot revenge.
"Anyways..." said Xander, "why dont we all remember the plot...you know, how we all will get out of here?"
"I dont know, I kinda like it, Xanderums" said Willow, "I mean, it's not like our 'ship has a chance on TV, fanfic is all we have, and season 1-3, and various other eps...but those are gone already, just to be watched. So yah."
"Yes, well, I for one like it, I finally dont have to deal with fangirls" said Legolas Turner.
"See? We're on secondary plots again" said OJake.[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]NAHTMMM was slightly confused by all the disappearing and reappearing secondary plots and not-quite-plots, so at Old Jake's announcement, he just sat down unobtrusively off to the side, well out of the way of the various plots that were hopping up and down and bumping into each other in their frantic efforts to get everybody's attention, and put together a Ping-Pong table, which he set up. He then began playing a relaxing game of Ping-Pong with one of his tribble commandos while he quietly waited for someone to figure out what the plot was supposed to be, and who was around to do it.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Suddenly, John Sheridan fell from the sky and landed neatly in the middle of NAH's ping-pong game.

"Stop that!" shouted NAH. "You're not supposed to bother me until you've figured out the plot!"

"Haven't you already realized?" John replied. "Like the one-by-one story, there IS NO plot!"

"True," said NAH in conmiseration. "Are you any good at table tennis?"[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"It's OJake, as in Original Jake, sheesh!" said OOpium
"Dabo! Homework!" said Quark Snyder. "It's okay dear, we have money!" said Anya
"Fangirls! Oh the horror, the horror!" said Legolas T, Jack Sparrow, and Spike, and Oliver Wood, from HP,who popped in.
"We want some fangirls!" said JohnS, and QuarkSnyder.
"Oh Willow" said Xander. "Oh Xander" said Willow.
"Picard, would you like some tea?" asked Crusher. "Crusher, yes and would you like a crumpet?" asked Picard.
"STOP IT ALL OF YOU!" said Tara. "Dont any of you care that we are making even less sense now than ever before?"


((hehe, it's still Friday where I am, yay!)[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"OJake did it," said Taya, trying to lighten the mood with some OJ humor.
"I got it," said OJake, ignoring Taya's comment. "I will will make a baseball movie. The way this movie will be different from the rest of the movies is the fact that all the players on the team will look the same. Gather the clones, because we are going to make a movie."

Taya reacted by saying, "OJake did it, OJake did it"[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]((just to clarify...we're using "Taya17" for Taya 17 and "Tara" for Tara Maclay, played by Amber Benson, from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, right?))

((Oh, and I am getting ready to post this somewhere, prob ably at fanfic.net, "soon", very "soon"))[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]((hey thanks Opi ;) I'm not as hardworking as NeoMat is...)


((And my name is 17! [b:post_uid0]17![/b:post_uid0] The Taya is just a prefix!))


"Shut up," said OJake, and he THWAPPED 17 soundly on her head.

"That's it, this is WAR!" howled 17, and pulled out her Minbari fighting pike. She returned the favour to Jake and started whacking him into the ground.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Then the director said "cut! On to the next scene. That was great baseball rival action."[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Baseball? BASEBALL?" said Quark Snyder, "What about homework? Money? Baseball is only useful as a plot device or PE event or in a big stadium combined with $8.99 glasses of beer!
"What about sword fighting? I look good doing that, the ladies like it...OW" said Jack Sparrow as Tara, Willow, Hermione, Anya, AUEzri, 17, Opium, and Xander slapped him.
"How about archery? It's a graceful art, and..."Legolas Turner was swarmed by Willow(yes, even Willow), Hermione, Anya, 17, Opium, Tara and AUEzri (because JS makes a great friend, too!)
"THIS IS MY STORY! I SAY BASEBALL!" said OJake, as he threw a ball at Legolas Turner, who caught it.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][By JS do you mean Jack Sparrow... or John Sheridan? :suspicious:]


"Baseball?" asked Sisko, his ears perking up. "I heard that! Count me in!"
Just then Zack Allen walked in with a box of pizza. "Anyone up for a spot of good old Italian pastry? I think Mr. Garibaldi made this..."
"DON'T EAT IT!" howled OJake. "It's poisoned!" And he threw a baseball bat at the box of pizza, smushing it into tiny little bits.
"Why, you--!" exclaimed 17 in consternation. "I [b:post_uid0]ordered[/b:post_uid0] that pizza!" And she started hurling pizza fragments in OJake's direction while John Sheridan randomly dropped nukes on the pizza remains.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]((Oops, I meant Jack Sparrow))[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]((It's okay... in retrospect... does it even matter? :snerf:))[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"OH NO YOU DONT!" said Legolas Turner, "I may be Mr Nice Sweety Nice NonThreating Guy, but I am NOT letting you take away MY glory with PIZZA!"
"Bloke, what sort of glory do you have right now, here?" said JackSparrow, holding LegolasT back from thwapping OJake, as Wesley Crusher appeared.
"Bloody hell, this is OJake's time of glory"said Spike.
OJake asked Hermione to magic a pizza. Ron helped, and it ended up being...
"Here, 17, here's a 'chocolate anchovy Italian Hawiian pepporoni salmon jellybean pumkin frogslegs pizza" said Harry said,as Crusher reappeared.
"Oh Spike, you are so very brave to stand up to Legolas Turner and Jack Sparrow" said Buffy, as Picard reappeared.

((but it's fun to pretend to take stuff that is totally silly serious...uh...yah...))[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]And while the Buffy-Spike sentiments made non-Buffy/Spikers in the audience puke intestinal bile, the continued nuking of the pizza remains by John Sheridan was drawing very unwelcome attention from Washington D.C.

"Wow, this is great!" OJake gushed. "Now I can use my experience on DS9 to start writing lots of political intrigue into this story!"


((Good point.))[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"But what century are we in? What political intrigueness do I use?" finished OJake.
"As the highest ranking officer here, I shall take on this Washington D.C." said Picard.
"But Picard honey, remember how it was revealed that the White House was being controlled by the oil/softdrink/clothing/car industry, and the real concern over world event came from Ottawa, Ontario, Canada?" said Crusher.
"Oh sure mom, just ruin the timeline!" said Wesley.
"What timeline? Everything's already screwed already; the timeline was next to go. Only when everything is chaos shall things go back to order" said Hermione.



((what, you're not a B/Ser? I'm shocked! )) :D[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"What?" screamed 17. "Hermione's a Shadow agent! Get her, everyone!"
"What's a Shadow?" Legolas Turner asked.
"It's the thing on the floor behind you when you're standing in light, dummy," said Crusher. "Or sitting in light. Or sleeping in light. Whatever."
Spike groaned at the lame puns in the story.
"Shadows are mean little creatures that eat socks," said Zack Allen nonsensically.
"Oh, shut up," said Sheridan, before pushing Zack into a thousand-foot-pit on Z'Ha'dum, whereupon purple penguins started raining from the sky because Zack's fall had accidentally boosted the Improbability Levels in the thread (by means of his body landing on the Infinite Improbability Drive improbably located at the bottom of the said pit).
"Oh great," said Picard, "What have we done now?"


((Of course I don't support the propagation of BullS*it... Kidding. Of course I'm a B/Ser! B'Elanna and Seven so belong together! :lol: ;) ))[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]A white flash of light appeared, and left, as white flashes of light do.
"Hello, I'm Mayweather" said Mayweather," And I'm gueststarring on your show!"
"The timeline is REALLY ruined now. Even Janeway couldnt make it worse!" said Wesley.
"Bad Wesley! Dont say that name!" said Crusher.
"Indeed. Engage?" asked Picard. Crusher accepted.
Another flash of light.
"Hello, I'm Captain Janeway" said Janeway.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" shouted Buffy, Spike, Xander, Willow, Anya, Tara, Crusher, and Quark Snyder.


((B/S being B'Ellana/Seven? I meant Bones/Spock!)) 8|[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"You mean we can just make characters appear by yelling out their names?" Picard asked.
"Sure, why not?" said OJake, an evil glint reflecting in his eyes.
"Wow," said 17 in awe, "we could have a field day with this..."[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]...especially since today is Friday."

Several forumgoers began excitedly calling out for characters they wanted to get involved.

"The Sisko!" "Abraham Lincoln!" "Bring back Data! And let's have the real Legolas too!" "Captain Janeway! No, wait, Admiral Janeway! Aw, let's have both of them, that'll be fun--" *CLOMP*

Everyone jumped, then looked to see a giant marshmallow standing a short distance away. Everybody then turned as one to glare reprovingly at an embarrassed fat man standing off to the side.

"I couldn't help it," Ray said plaintively. "I got hungry..."

"No marshmallow people," OJake said firmly. He made the Stay-Puft Man go away.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Stay-Puft Man wept and flooded the whole city.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]But was another problem...
"No, I'm Legolas...Turner!" said Legolas Turner.
"But I"M Legolas!" said Legolas.
Wil Turner appeared. "I'm Wil Turner!" he said. A wrestling match ensued.
"STOP IT!" yelled Picard, much to everyone's disappointment.
"Well now, look what you've done! This is what happens when you get too many of the same people! Like if we has Quark Snyder, Quark, and Snyder" said Tara.
"Hey, where am I? Some little witch is gonna get detention" said Snyder.
"So is this what a Prophet session is? Lots of cute people. I could make money selling these." said Quark.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The Stay-Puft Marshmallow man, being sad and angry at being ignored by the storywriters, retaliated by eating all the characters.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]But rather suddenly, everyone was in the train station.
"I didnt write this!" said Jake.
"Someone made a Wish" said Anya.
"And I used a Time Charm" said Hermione. Ron and Harry looked impressed.
"And I did a spell" said Tara.
"And we kissed" said Willow and Xander.
"And I'm here" said Janeway.
Yes, they had indeed traveled back in time to the Beginning of the Convergence.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"What?" spluttered John. "You mean we went through all that all for... for NOTHING?"

"Afraid so," said Hermione apologetically. "The story was getting a little too weird for my liking. Now we can begin with a fresh slate!"

"But Big Reset Buttons are EVIL!" protested John.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Suddenly, the train staion was being destroyed by the Klingons again. The guy with the mismatched socks was back. However, there was a presence of tribbles. They were falling from the sky.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Worf, Geordie, Troi, Data, Riker, and of course Wesley, Crusher and Picard were suddenly there, once again. They were all totally confused by the scene. Snyder, Quark and Quark Snyder were bickering, and Legolas, Wil Turner and Legolas Turner were all wrestling in the conviencent grass.
"Q! How dare you do this!" said Picard.
"Um, Captain, sir, actually, see, it was magic, BTVSwicca and Janeway." said Tara, the only girl not watching Legolas, Wil and LT wrestling. "See, Janeway causes time travel anomolies. Isnt that right, Xander?"
"Yes, it is, always, just like on TV." he said. "Hey, where's Andrew?"
And suddenly, Andrew was fawning over Anya and Xander.



((It's not slash, it's in BTVS, making it canon kind of. I mean, I doubt Quark would have already taken bets were it canon...)) :D[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Oh frag it, I'm too confused to do anything right now," mumbled John disconsolately. So he did what was only natural to him.

He dropped a couple of nukes on the entire scene.[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"This is why we shouldn't go around mentioning annoying people" said Anya. She, Hermione, Ron, Harry, Tara, Willow, Xander and OJake were floating high in the sky.
"Nice move girls" Xander said, drawing a annoyed look from Ron and Harry, "But please put me down now, honey... On second thought, don't" he added, looking down.[/color:post_uid0]

[AKAArzosah]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Straight at the Miss United States contest, being held 200 metres away.

"Great view," He commented. "Pity it's not the swimsuit event."[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Xander and Tara watched the contest while Willow, Anya, and Hermione morned the loss of Legolas, Legolas Turner, Wil Turner and Jack Sparrow.
"I wish they were back so they forever remind Xander that if he misbehaves, I could go with the others or Legolas" said Willow.
All the hotties came back.
Meanwhile, Q had the whole Next Gen crew at yet another train station, singing show tunes. Although Q could make them sing, he conviently could not control what they said.
"Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, I hate Q dill they day I die, stop making us sing showtunes now" sang Picard.
"Q that rymes with Poo that stands for Q" sang the chorus.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]John decided to get on the train that went to Tribbleland. However, the train never left the station. So he just sat there forever, watching the show tunes.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]So he sat in that train for all eternity, cradling cooing tribbles in his hand and humming showtunes nonsensically to himself.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Observe" said Data, "This sock is blue..."
Everyone was betting on the male wrestling.
"I bet 200 that Legolas will win" said Anya
"I bet 300 that Jack S will win" said Andrew
"I bet 400 that Ron will win" said Hermione
"I bet 500 that Pircard will win" said Crusher
"I bet 600 that Xander will win" Willow
"I bet 700 these "jokes" are painfully old" said Tara
"Okay girls, money down, betting has ended" said Snyder, QS and Quark, as the guys wrestled and Data yapped about mismatched socks.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Blue socks, you tiny little blue socks," sang Data. "You precious little blue socks, where are you?"

Somebody whose initials JUST happened to be JS dropped a couple of nukes on Data, effectively silencing him, but with the rather unfortunate effect of also silencing everyone else within a five mile radius.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Data thought, "I guess the showtunes are over, and that JS got off the train. Why can I hear everyone thoughts. Are we all borg drones now?"

Everyone else thought, "Oh crap!"

The nukes JS dropped had nanoprobes in it.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]And thus, the Borg welcomed the new additions to their ever-growing family Collective.[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]...until Data and the EMH started singing opera.

"Aarrgh!" said all the other Borg, "earplugs are futile!" So they jumped ship in their haste to escape, and died in the vacuum of space.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"OJake, why do you keep writing this?" asked Jack Sparrow.
"Because I have a lot of course work that I really dont want to do. I'm a writer, I'm going to the best university: U of Earth-Revelstoke-BC-Canada! You'de think they would want to teach us new stuff" said OJake, "but no, they want us to study arcaic terms, like "printing press", typewriter" and "media integrity."
"I see. Wanna drink gin and sing showtunes?" asked Jack Sparrrow. OJake nodded. So they did.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Just then, JS dropped a mini nuke on OJake and Jack Sparrow. Everything was destroyed, including the story. However, Jack Sparrow was untouched.[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]With OJake dead, everything got even more out of hand.
Suddenly Dukat came out of the ground with a machine gun, and started killing Random Redshirts. He accidentally hit Picard.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Oh no!" said Jack Sparrow. "That has got to hurt!"
"I like your eyeliner," John Sheridan told him. "Since we share the same initials, you are obliged to give me a pirate makeover."
"Aye," replied Sparrow.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Jack Sparrow and John Sheridan had a special bond. The two together meant certain doom for everyone else. John knew he was the one because Jack was immune to his nuke, or maybe all that eyeliner protected him.

"Im already dead." Jack said to the author.
"Oh yeah, I forgot." said the author.
"Where did I get all these nukes?" John asked the author
"Ask 17, she will know" said the author to John[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"This is really boring" said Jack, "Why couldnt I have been written in when cool stuff was happening?" The author responded, because it was Sunday,by resurecting folks.
"We need a hero" said OJake.
"Call him Bashir" said Bashir, as Ezri, QS, Kira, Odo, Jadzia, v2Worf, OBrian, Sisko, and Garak rolled thier eyes.
"Observe. This sock is blue. This sock is orange." said Data. Picard, Geordi, Crusher, Troi, and the rest really didnt care. Riker appeared.
"And look, he's Quark...but he's Snyder, too! That's hilarous!" said Tara, as Buffy, Spike, Xander, Willow and Anya nodded, as Opium procrastinated reading "The Caretaker" by prolonging a nonsensical, silly thread.

((resurection=Plot Device #56))[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][i:post_uid0]((A few minutes ago you said OJake came back, but in this version he's still dead, but talking. I find this somewhat disturbing))[/i:post_uid0][/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"What do you mean, 'a nonsensical, silly thread'?" 17 demanded of Opium.
Opium gave her a funny look. "You mean this actually makes sense to you?"
"Quite true," said 17, and they happily settled down to watch John Sheridan and Jack Sparrow annoy everyone else by skipping around hand in hand singing nonsensical songs.[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]At the same time, Odo and Kira made eachother comfortable, while both QS and Bashir were flirting with Ezri.
Worf took Data and Geordi on a Trip to the Gamma Quadrant, but he didn't pay attention to where they were going and almost crashed into a sun.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Suddenly, it started snowing. Heavily. In less than two hours the entire thread was covered in six feet of snow. Everyone was buried within-- well, [i:post_uid0]almost[/i:post_uid0] everyone.

"Well, it looks like Hell froze over," said Legolas, happily nancing on top of the snow. "Hey! Where did everybody go?"[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]A muffled "oof" came from the snow. Jack's eyeliner had saved him!
"All right Willow! Way to save...hey, where's Anya?" asked Tara. Willow had saved Xander, Spike, Buffy, and Tara.
"If I'de saved Anya, QS would have been saved, too" said WIllow. Legolas and Jack began singing becuase they were so happy to be alive:
"I feel pretty, Oh so Pretty, I feel pretty and witty and gay" they sang.
The Scoobies joined in:
I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and free, I feel so pretty, I hardly can believe it's me"[/color:post_uid0]

[AKAArzosah]

[quote:post_uid0="Opium"][color=#000000:post_uid0]Jack's eyeliner had saved him![/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]LOL! Love it![/color:post_uid0]

[AKAArzosah]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Simultaneously, everybody not singing, including everyone who was dead, screamed 'SHUT UP!'

The volume of the shout was so loud that there was and avalanche in the Himalayas, miles and miles away.

Dead silence followed.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The Dead Silence continued....[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]until John Sheridan dropped a couple of nukes on Unimatrix One. The borg queen didn't like that move, so she sent 47 cubes at him.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Jack, Legolas, and the Scoobie gang decided it would be best to just give the Borg John Sheridan. So they did.Unfortunetly, the Borg Queen was Anya, and she brought along Quark Snyder. She took John, but he wouldnt stop singing:
"Cellophane, oh Mr. Cellophane, it should have been my name, oh Mr. Cellophane..." sang John. Borg Queen Anya kicked John, along with Quark Snyder, back to Jack, Legolas and the Scoobies. QS joined in with John's singing. Q popped in.
"SHUT UP THIS INFERNAL RACKET!" he said. And with that, QS and John were both sent to 20th century Broadway, where they had long and succesful careers as costume-trial stand-ins. Everyone thanked Q.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"You're welcome! You're welcome! You're welcome!" Q nanced around singing.
Legolas looked at Q with admiration. "Wow! You nance [i:post_uid0]really[/i:post_uid0] well!" he said.
Q and Legolas looked at each other. There was something in the air....[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Spike interupted the momentas Q nanced around more.
"Bloody hell! Q nances well? That bloke cant nance half as well as I can! Here I am, nancing in and out for 6 pages, and here Q comes and gets a pat on the back and a lolli!" said Spike, and Legolas pouty cutely. Q nanced more.
"Spike, I never knew! I mean, you love me and all." said Buffy.
"Well, yah, but still, I nance, just for fun," said Spike.
"Now look, I may not nance so well as you well-bred folks, but I darn well can look cool, and everyone wants me. Sorry it could never work out" Jack said to everyone.
"Um, I'm gay" said Tara, "Joss Whedon wrote that into BTVS"
"And I'm straight...except for that one ep" said Xander.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Now that we've all come out of the closet," said John Sheridan, "I propose we hold a Mardi Gras and shoot this story straight into hell."
"Hear, hear!" cried the clamoring crowds, while in a corner, Opium was heard mumbling, "You mean this story isn't [i:post_uid0]already[/i:post_uid0] in hell?"[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Everyone was dancing like mad, and within the chaos...
"You see, I'm a fancy nancy guy, and Tara, how about we do a little wiggle-wagg...OW" said Jack, as Tara slapped him very hard.
Borg Queen Anya said,"Now that you have rid the universe of QS and John, will you be my boyfriend?" asked Anya of Q. Q accepted, and together Anya and Q started talking in the corner.
"Um, isnt there a plot still? Huh? Well?" asked Willow. When no one answered, she continued dancing with Xander.
Jack and Legolas continued to nance together in non-sexual contexts, ignoring the conversations around them...[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]....which, very strangely, happened to be about jellybeans.
"Jellybeans? Jellybeans? What next, giant killer tomatoes?" wailed Opium.
"Don't jinx it!" exclaimed the Borg Queen.
"Too late," giggled 17 maniacally.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Yes, too late," said Sleepy Smurf. He went to his mushroom and went to sleep.
"But I wanted to play chess with you. What am I going to do now?" said 17.
Right then, everyone said, "I will play!"
"Gee, it looks like we are going to have to narrow down by having a contest," said 17.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"I will make it.... a wet t-shirt contest!" she announced.
All the guys whooped. 17 rolled her eyes. "Men..."[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"But only if the guys take their shirts of first" said Willow.
Spike and Xander whipped their shirts off, and Legolas and Jack followed. Q thankfully declined, instead of turning into a younger guy.
"I'll get the hose!" said Tara. "Hey, wait a minute! This is character asasination! On BTVS I played a cool, shy, nice lesbian, not a sleazy guy-wannabe!
Just then, Legolas and Jack started nancing and dancing shirtless, and that was cool, but still didnt give the story a plot. Something had to be said.
"Q, there is something I have to tell you" said Anya."I'm pregnant with your baby!"
"But, Anya...how do you know it's not mine?" said Jack.
"Jack! I though you were MINE!" said...[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]...JS.

Just then, some soap opera music started playing, causing everyone to look around. All of a sudden, Anya's baby was 10 years old. "Aha, he looks like Q, but then again, he looks like Jack," said Anya, who felt light all of a sudden from the lack of baby weight.
"I think our sperm had a duel, but noone won, so they compromised," said Jack.
"So, who's the Daddy?" asked Q.
"You are Q, why don't you tell us? You are the all wise being of the universe,"said Picard.
"Well, There is only one thing I cannot control in the universe, and that is Soap Operas," said Q while looking down at the ground.

Then 17 interrupted, "Hello, anyone here? What about the contest?[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Oh, shut up," said Sheridan, and he proceeded to shut 17 up by hosing her down.
"Excuse me, you dingbat nutcase!" 17 spluttered. "And I'm not even wearing a see-through T-shirt!" She proceeded to take her revenge by slapping a large cream pie in Sheridan's face.
Anya's kid laughed at all the fun and decided to join in the pie-throwing.
"Argh!" exclaimed Opium, "You're wasting all the pie on bloody JOHN SHERIDAN?"[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"He's not worth it, don't you know that?" Buffy fell in.
"Besides, he's dead" Opium said.
"Do you have a problem with dead people?" Buffy asked Opium, "I died too, you know. Twice."
"You did? Oh, right, then you're not worth it either. Therefor, I'm NOT going to throw pie at you." Opium said.
"Really? Not even if I do this?" asked Buffy, as she put an apple pie up Opium's face.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]...and Opium woke up. With pie on her face.
"Sorry, I didnt realize Tara and Willow put sleeping potion in the pie, to be used if John starting talking" said Buffy, as Willow, Xander,Anya and Tara pied Buffy with a huge pie.
There was another flash, and OJake appeared with Arwen.
"I thought, hello, we have Legolas, why not Arwen-she's my girlfriend." said OJake.
"But...cant we have Aragorn?" said Legolas.
"Where am I? Legolas...nice to see you! So i'm in the Sci-Fi-Con, eh? said Aragorn.
"Hi Aragorn" said Arwen. Aragorn, however, had started talking to Jack and Legolas, and ignored Arwen. 17 shook her head. So Spike and Buffy kissed, causing 17 to shake even more.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"That's it, I'm out of here!" said 17. "Spike/Buffy... pie... getting hosed down by bloody JOHN SHERIDAN... I'm off to Minbar for a long deserved holiday!" And she took the next available flight to the homeworld of the Minbari Federation.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]When 17 finally reached Minbari Prime, she was in disbelief that the planet was celebrating Pi day. People were going around wearing Pi shirts, reciting the numbers of pi, even pi throwing contests.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][i:post_uid0](First off, Minbari Prime?! What the-?! In Valen's name! This had better not be some lame mathematical joke, Neo... Â :snh:)[/i:post_uid0]

Meanwhile, everyone was having too much fun watching Spike/Buffy kiss to notice that 17 was gone.
On a whim, Q decided it would be a good idea to beam everybody into the cold vacumn of space.
So he did.
And thus everybody died.

[Yes, I just had a terrible biochem test. You could tell?][/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Q, you have failed" said Picard, who was sitting in a floating isometric set peice.
"But I was testing humans, not the other way around!" said Q.
"Not here, in the Sci-Fi-Con." said Picard. Picard got up, and Q was sent back.
"Aragorn! Dont you see me?" said Arwen.
"Yes, but I am in presence of a Prince and a Pirate, so I must talk to them" said Aragorn.
"Don't worry" said Xander to Arwen," Aragorn will come around".
"Xander!" said Willow, before she was caught by the PG13 police.
"Hey, what about the plot?" said Tara.
"Oh, right...Q! Jack! Which one of you is going to marry me?" said Anya. Q went on one knee to propose. But Jack...

((that sucks...but I want something left here to kill and/or pair up with JS or QS for after my presentation and essay! )) Â :p[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]had his eye on Tara.
Tara, of course, being gay, didn't notice him at all and kept playing with a girl she found in outer space.

Meanwhile, 17 shot [u:post_uid0]+[/u:post_uid0] pi pi-wearing Minbari out of pure rage. She suddenly found she liked pie better, and wanted to return. However, she missed the flight by just pi minutes.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][i:post_uid0](Whaaaaaaaaaaaat? First of all, I'm not supposed to be shooting Minbari, I'm supposed to be adding them to my harem! Aahhhhh! Secondly, how the FRELL do you shoot 3.14159 Minbari?! This story needs to be set right....)[/i:post_uid0]


Then OJake woke up and realized that at least the last three posts had been no more than a dream.

[Yeah, sue me... ;)][/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]So he went and had 17's name legally changed to Sue.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][b:post_uid0]( NAHTMMM! YOURE A DEAD MAN! :swear: )[/b:post_uid0]

:D :lol: :D[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]OJake promptly filed to have 17's latest post dismissed due to the long-forgotten rule that one may only post once per day. 8-)

Meanwhile, NAHTMMM went into deep and violently frightened hiding as he considered the possibilities inherent in hiding behind Zeke and inducing 17 to keep exclaiming at him until she let multiple !'s slip, then running away before the carnage began. This was legal since this is his second post of the day and so doesn't count either.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0](But I wasn't adding to the story :sweet smile: The post was just to let you know how DEAD you are going to be tomorrow when I continue posting in the story again.

Your hours are MARKED, NAH! [b:post_uid0]MU-AA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA![/b:post_uid0])[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Q! You have failed. Miserably. Again. You are the weakest Q" said Picard. Everything had time-traveled back to the end of Opium's 23 Sep. 2003, 03:23 post.
"Q, you have let forumgoers do all sort of naughty things!" said Crusher.
"I'm just Q! I'm not OJake!" said Q, miserably. Meanwhile, a curfufle broke out among Spike, Jack, Legolas and Aragorn over who nanced the best.
"Boys,boys, there's only nancer, and that's Spike!" said Buffy, as B/S kissed.
"And did everyone forget about my child?" said Anya.
"Yes, you're a B-plot, get used to it!" said Willow.
"Um, look" said Tara, as the forumgoers threw e-pies at each other," Look, get along for Zeke's sake! Us poor Sci-Fi-Conners are getting dizzy from all this time/sleep travel!"


((ggggrrrr, I forgot part of my presentation, the essay was annoying AND I had to drive all the way home between classes to get book it turned out I didnt even need! ))[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Has anybody seen OJake lately?" asked Tara.
"Yes, he was right there just a minute ago waking up from--" Q said.
"No he wasn't" Xander interupted him.
"Oh, right. Wrong timeline" Q said.

[quote:post_uid0]Secondly, how the FRELL do you shoot 3.14159 Minbari?![/quote:post_uid0]
I could be about .1415926535898 off... That's what the [u:post_uid0]+[/u:post_uid0] is for. :p[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Meanwhile, 17 had tied NAH to a chair with duranium chains and was slowly torturing him by making him watch endless re-runs of Keanu Reeves' old movies.
"Kill me! Kill me now!" screamed NAH, as [i:post_uid0]Speed[/i:post_uid0] went into it's 157th replay.
"But we've only just started," said 17, with an evil glint in her eye.


([b:post_uid0]MUAA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA![/b:post_uid0] :lol: )[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]NeoMatrix dashed into the forum. "Holy smokes!" he panted, "There's a bunch of FBI agents coming this way, to find out who this mysterious '17' person is!"

"Let them eat cake," said Sue dismissively, mainly because the writer couldn't think of any better quotes at the moment. "Federal agents' efforts are hopelessly futile."

"They've got the CJP with them too!" Neo added.

"Oh no!" Sue exclaimed in a flurry of panic. "I [i:post_uid0]knew[/i:post_uid0] I should never have made that 'chili dog' comment!"[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][It's Friday. Nyeh.]

17 beamed NAH over to Z'Ha'Dum and dropped a couple of nukes on his head. "End of story," she said smugly, and decided to begin the thread anew.


"It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly, an dark figure appeared on the horizon..."[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH" said OJake, as the figure came closer.
"What is it?" asked Arwen.
"I had this really bad dream that I wasnt in control of the story anymore!" said OJake, just as Aragorn, Legolas and Jack Sparrow started singing showtunes and nancing and dancing and watching "Runaway Bride". Spike and Buffy kissed like bunnies, and Tara randomly slapped Jack whenever he looked her way. Q and Anya ate chilli and cheesedogs, and OJake screamed again.
"What the??? Everything is nuts and crazy and strange, and my magic typewriter is gone! Who is Neomatrix? Who is 17? Who are they?" asked OJake.
"We are the Forumgoers. Restistence is Futile". said the goers.


(meh, it's still Thursday here, so I cant add new characters, and I had a Worst Day Ever, so I though I'de make a really wierd contribution to the thread... ))[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Unfortunately, the thread had joined Topic Title in the shadowy realms of the quasi-sentient (ooo :O), and refused to be started over. So, while OJake whimpered about his bad dream and everyone else nanced and stuff, The Sue Formerly Known As 17 was not able to escape the consequences of forgetting just how thick and hard NAHTMMM's skull is.

Sure enough, the nukes bounced off his head and actually rebounded back into orbit, where they made a mess of Sue's spaceship's exterior color scheme.

"Aargh!" Sue howled, as alarms went off all over her ship, "Now I'll have to paint it all over again!"[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Q and Borg Queen Anya attacked NAHTMMM's skull, too.
"What's going over there, a little spat?" asked Jack.
"We must let them find patience within themselves to stop fighting" said Legolas.
"Yes, and Runaway Bride is not over yet" said Aragorn.
Arwen, Spike, Xander, Willow and Buffy had all gotten very sick of all the topic-jumping, and had started playing poker with kittens instead of caring what was going on.
"What the???" asked Picard,"I thought we had escaped this!"
"Yes, dear, we had..but for some reason we keep coming back" said Crusher
"Red sock blue sock orange sock pink sock" said Data, as Geordi, Worf, Riker, and Troi tried to shut him up.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Q started to play showtunes again. Everyone started dancing and singing with Data.
"I just love how humans are easy to manipulate"
"Im not human." Data said.
"Neither am I," said Legolas. "I just love dancing."
Meanwhile, Arwen, Spike, Xander, Willow and Buffy were in another room playing poker still.
"I hear music," said Buffy. "Music makes me get in the Vampire slaying mood."
So Buffy runs off to kill some Vampires.
The rest follow her.
"Meow, and I was winning too," said one of the kittens.
"Lets go dance and sing," said one of the other kittens.
"Ok," said the rest of the 17 kittens. And they all left the room and started singing and dancing.[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]They sang so loud that even through the vacuum of space, some people with good ears, back at Deep Space 9, got the song in their heads, even though they didn't notice any singing. However, they started singing the songs too, and after a while, everybody at Deep Space 9 was singing it.

"That's enough" said...

[b:post_uid0]((YAY! I did it! I'm the Queen of the Foraaaaaa!))[/b:post_uid0]
((End insanity))[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]...Picard, who was getting really angry," I'm a MAIN CHARACTER and I'm being treated like OJake or Anya!"
"It's really not good to insult the people with..." said Crusher.
She was interupted by OJake, who started writing, and Anya, who started to yell.
"I am the Borg Queen! Â I can kick you back into Locutus-land!" she said.
"No, you cant" said OJake,"I just wrote you are now just a demon!
"But...Q will help. Where is Q?" said Anya.
Meanwhile...as much nancing and dancing went on,
"I think there is another dancing demon because Q just burned up!" said Spike, as Jack, Legolas, Aragorn and two others started singing "YMCA" in costume.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]BOOM.

Something blew up.[/color:post_uid0]

[pkyyr]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Then, tranqulity...A blank white screen.
Running,running.
John Sheridan was running .
"WhereamI? WhereamI?"
Echoing into the distance...
"Delenn?Kosh?Anyone?"he asked, as he slowed to a walk
A sudden flash of colour.
Pink. Blue. Red.
John looked up, in horror,at a giant cake descending upon his head....[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The Piealith was back for revenge. Josie did not come and warn them like last time. It looked like certain DOOM this time. There were no pies ready and everyone was too drunk to do anything about it.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]John was hit by the pie. He died instantly, but the death scene was not implicint enough and left room for the possibility that he would come back.
Everyone cheered. Picard, Crusher, Troi, Riker, Worf, Geordie, and Data, along with Willow, Xander, Buffy, Spike, Tara and Anya, and OJake, all cheered. Legolas let a sinle tear fall down his cheek. Aragorn did a whole "brother, king, annoying redshirt" speech. Jack Sparrow passed around rum and pie. Everyone was glad to have the pie, as all the dancing, nancing, prancing and singing had left them hungry.
"Well, we've quelched the Sci-Fi-Con Big Bad" said Tara.
"But what about me?" said Khan, "I have not yet succeeded in giving everyone gender change surgery!"...menacing music sounded, and some DOOM or MOOD ensued...[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]... as everyone underwent gender change surgery.[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Xander was glad to be male again. Willow, still liking girls, wasn't gay anymore. Everyone else [i:post_uid0]was[/i:post_uid0]. Q didn't like looking like a woman, and tried to turn back to being male, but he couldn't. There was a flash and he was gone, back to the Q-Continuum to see if anybody there could help him.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]John Sheridan screamed like a girl. Crusher pounded her into dust. Picard put on a pink dress. Torres and Seven wrestled in the WWE. Aragorn spent days preening her hair. John Crichton screamed like a girl. Aeryn pounded her into dust. Josie mooed his poor heart out. 17 was murdered for blatant sexism and betraying the feminist cause. Essential amino acids danced a happy dance.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Secretly, Tara and Willow where working on a way to turn Xander back into a girl, because Willow really loved him, and Xander was pathetic without Willow.
OJake gave up on character, plot, and story writing, and became a writer for "Enterprise".
Once Xander was a girl again, people started to know how to get the potion.
"Yes, on of us needs it!" said Aragorna and Legolas together.
"Let's not think about that subject, I need more rum and coke" said Jacklin. Anya raged over the loss of the hot guys, and insisted at least some of them where returned.
Q was weeping over how Tara and Willow where so much more powerful than him. So he summoned the Ultimate Big Bads to punish them...Wesley Crusher, Chakotey, Quark Snyder and...[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Torres.

Meanwhile, Xander, even though was a girl again, complained that the potion did not give her boobs back. She cried, "Im not me without my boobs." She then goes off to find a Boob enlargement potion. She actually found it quickly. She found the potion in a Spam email message. She was happy again.

Jack found some rum and coke in the pantry.

The Big Bads couldn't punish Tara and Willow unless they had a written 5 year contract with Q. Also, to make things worse, Chakotay had a friendship contract with Tara.[/color:post_uid0]

[pkyyr]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]And so they all killed themselves. They went to the Happy Hunting Grounds, where...[/color:post_uid0]