April 1

[Zeke]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]

As you can see, Five-Minute Voyager is now available in delicious Brie and mozzarella varieties. That's right -- we're not covering those [i:post_uid0]good[/i:post_uid0] shows anymore. From now on, it's all cheese (..), all the time.


Keep an eye on 5MC for updates during the day. They won't be announced, but things will start appearing at the subsites one by one, like mold growing on cheese....[/color:post_uid0]

[evay]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]hee hee hee nicely done! :clap::clap::clap::clap::clap:

my favorite is:

[quote:post_uid0]Phlox: Curses! Voted off by a bowl of -- [/quote:post_uid0]

We haven't had [i:post_uid0]nearly[/i:post_uid0] enough Porthos/chili jokes.


evay
-------
"Ah'm no good until Ah've had my coffee." -- Trip Tucker
TripSuckered (http://www.triphammered.com)[/color:post_uid0]

[PointyHairedJedi]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Nothing but 5M [i:post_uid0]Survivor[/i:post_uid0] yet. I look forward to more though. And including [i:post_uid0]Andromeda[/i:post_uid0]...let it not be said that Zeke lacks cruelness. :lol:[/color:post_uid0]

[MaverickZer0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Cheese!

Hmm, let's see...not a quality show to be seen. Those who memorized the subsection addresses will be okay, though...[/color:post_uid0]

[Zeke]

[quote:post_uid0="Guest"][color=#000000:post_uid0]hee hee hee nicely done! :clap::clap::clap::clap::clap:[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Same to you, m'dear. You clearly put a lot of work into TripSuckered -- I especially like the classified ads.[/color:post_uid0]

[Gatac]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Actually, I wouldn't mind some Birds of Prey fivers, I liked that series.

...

I'll just cower in that corner, OK?

Gatac[/color:post_uid0]

[Zeke]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]One of the subsites has just updated. And it was the most fun fiver to write EVER.[/color:post_uid0]

[PointyHairedJedi]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Oh, the subtext is just killing me! :lol:[/color:post_uid0]

[BR48]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The Xena fiver was hilarious! El Robotico Del Diablo!

For that, I'll forgive you for including Andromeda among the cheese.

...Some day.[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0](SLASH SLASH)[/quote:post_uid0]
:suspicious: ;)

[quote:post_uid0]Thief: GAK!
Xena: That'll teach him to be male. I mean to steal stuff.[/quote:post_uid0]
:lol:

[quote:post_uid0]Xena: Don't worry. I have a plan. AIEYIYIYIYIYIYIYI!
Mongol Gladiators: GAK!
Gabrielle: Wow. They all died before you even finished your battle cry![/quote:post_uid0]
Bwahaha! :D

Another favorite part:
[quote:post_uid0]Zombie Mongol Gladiators: GAKO, GAKAS, GAKAT!
Xena: That's the last of them. Now let's go make us some Caesar salad!
Joxer: Oo, oo! And show Khan our wrath?[/quote:post_uid0]

Those were great, looking forward to the others! ;)[/color:post_uid0]

[Hotaru]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The Xena fiver was great. I also really liked the Survivor one. All very good. I'm really looking forward to the other ones. Great job Zeke![/color:post_uid0]

[Zeke]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The next one's up. I'm going to have to start making them shorter, I think, or I won't get through them all today.[/color:post_uid0]

[evay]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]frankly, I think it'd be funnier if you dragged them out all week. Promotes traffic. And continues the "soon" joke. ;)[/color:post_uid0]

[Zeke]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Hmmmmmmmm. What do you guys think of that? I can certainly write longer if I have more time.[/color:post_uid0]

[Scooter]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]So amazing. Great, hoopy stuff.

[quote:post_uid0]And the devil built a robot![/quote:post_uid0]

And Zeke--it's your site, dude. Do what you want! You could even make it a regular subsite after this week, and add new cheese every once in a while whenever you feel like it. I can see it now: Five Minute Smallville, Five Minute Perfect Strangers, Five Minute Static Shock... :)[/color:post_uid0]

[BR48]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]You could even make it a regular subsite after this week, and add new cheese every once in a while whenever you feel like it. I can see it now: Five Minute Smallville, Five Minute Perfect Strangers, Five Minute Static Shock...[/quote:post_uid0]
...Five Minute Voyager...

;)[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Hmmm, five minute cheese....yummy...[/color:post_uid0]

[antodav]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I must say, I thought Zeke's Enterprise-based Five-Minute Survivor was MUCH better than the Voyager-based one he included a link to...wouldn't you all agree?

Oh, and I suppose this would be a bad time to ask about that request I made of Zeke to allow me to make a Five-Minute site of my own for the series I'm currently working on myself? I've been waiting for a response to that email now for, oh, about a year....:D

Antodav, puqloD Gav[/color:post_uid0]

[Zeke]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]It's never a bad time to kick me in the @$$ about my email backlog, Anthony. Thanks for reminding me; I know the message you're talking about and I'll reply tomorrow.[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]and add new cheese every once in a while whenever you feel like it.[/quote:post_uid0]
Or every April. Just a thought.

As for the mini-fivers:
[quote:post_uid0]Genghis Khan: "Die Nazi Roboten are unstoppable," you said. "Nobody can defeat die invincible Roboten of das dritte Reich."
Hitler: Beiß mich.[/quote:post_uid0]
:lol:[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="Zeke"]Hmmmmmmmm. Â What do you guys think of that? Â I can certainly write longer if I have more time.[/quote:post_uid0]
Seriously, Zeke, if you feel that they require more care and time than you can give them today, go ahead and take your time. Just be sure we get to see them eventually! ;)


[quote:post_uid0]Archer: Boy, life sure isn't interesting here in the town of Dawson's Creek, where I, Dawson, live. Don't you agree, my best friend Joey?
T'Pol: On the contrary. This bucolic environment is ideal for solitary contemplation and meditation. The indigenous species provide an intriguing --
Archer: She's bored too. I know because we've been best friends since we were little kids.
T'Pol: I was older than you are now when you were a little kid.
Archer: And what's crazy is that even though we're best friends, we're not the same gender! Boy, how is that possible? There must be a ton of sexual tension simmering under the surface![/quote:post_uid0]

:lol:[/color:post_uid0]

[mudshark]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]:lol:[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Wow, actual cheese fivers! Cool! Well done! More cheese please! :D[/color:post_uid0]

[AKAArzosah]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]*mutter mumble grumble*
*evil glare*
*mutter* Andromeda cheese...*mumble* sassafrassasass *grumble*[/color:post_uid0]

[Derek]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Reed: I'm Jack. Shut up.[/quote:post_uid0]
[quote:post_uid0]Mayweather: He eats cats, for God's sake! What kind of monster could eat harmless pets?[/quote:post_uid0]
Hilarious!

[quote:post_uid0]Xena: You said it. The sun is shining, the squirrels are chirping, we're surrounded in the boundless natural beauty of whatever the hell country we're in... are you feeling the way I'm feeling?[/quote:post_uid0]
Why was I expecting one of them to start singing "I'm under your spell"?

Great cheese, Zeke. I'm just scared by the fact that these fivers meant you've actually watched them (or learned stuff about them).[/color:post_uid0]

[PointyHairedJedi]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I'm sure he'll pruge it out his system with some [i:post_uid0]Enterprise[/i:post_uid0] fivers.[/color:post_uid0]

[Kira]

[quote:post_uid0="Derek"][color=#000000:post_uid0]Great cheese, Zeke. I'm just scared by the fact that these fivers meant you've actually watched them (or learned stuff about them).[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]The Dawson's Creek one was scarily accurate. Hmmm....[/color:post_uid0]

[MaverickZer0]

[quote:post_uid0="PointyHairedJedi"][color=#000000:post_uid0]I'm sure he'll pruge it out his system with some [i:post_uid0]Enterprise[/i:post_uid0] fivers.[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]I hope so. Season 2 isn't half-done yet, and Season 3 will be over soon.[/color:post_uid0]

[Nic Corelli]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="Scooter"]and add new cheese every once in a while whenever you feel like it. I can see it now: Five Minute Smallville, Five Minute Perfect Strangers, Five Minute Static Shock... :)[/quote:post_uid0]
*THWAP!*

Smallville is a great show! It is not cheese! Â :madder:

:D

[quote:post_uid0](SLASH SLASH SLASH)
Zombie Mongol Gladiators: GAKO, GAKAS, GAKAT!
Xena: That's the last of them. Now let's go make us some Caesar salad!
Joxer: Oo, oo! And show Khan our wrath?
Xena: Hit him, Gabby. [/quote:post_uid0]

[quote:post_uid0]Genghis Khan: I told you she'd get through our armies. You owe me six denarii.
Julius Caesar: I'll pay you on the Ides.
Xena: Ha! I've found you! Now the two of you will pay the price for --
Julius Caesar: Two? Hardly. Allow me to introduce you to the final member of my Third Triumvirate!
Hitler: JAWOHL!
Xena: What the--? How could--?
Hitler: Komm now! You should know better by now than to expect der historical consistency, Fraulein!
[/quote:post_uid0]

Hysterical! :D


P.S. I nearly got a heart attack when I saw Voyager, TNG, DS9 etc. replaced with Dawson`s Creek, Felicity, Survivor and co. on the main page, :D[/color:post_uid0]

[Zeke]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]A new slice of cheese is up.[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Batman: You monster! Now Catwoman will have to be played by Halle Berry!

...
Dinah: Help! Help! I'm on the run and I don't know about my weird super-powers!
Thugs: GRUNT.
Huntress: I'll save you, little girl. What? Yes, Oracle, I see the thugs. What? Yes, obviously there's four of them! I'm not blind! You don't always need to show off your cool detection equipment and....
Dinah: Oh good, I'm being saved by a schizophrenic.

...
Huntress: Heyyy, these notes you're taking just say "Mwahahahahaha" over and over again.
Quinzel: It's shorthand. On an unrelated topic, I have hypno-eyes now. Tell me all your secrets.
Huntress: I have this recurring dream about business-suit-wearing Orion slave girls taking logic courses from an Andorian sewing expert.
Quinzel: Tell me most of your secrets.

..
Oracle: Oh. What about you?
Dinah: I'm watching.
Oracle: Fine, I'll use my super cybernetic battle suit that lets me walk. If I have to.[/quote:post_uid0]

:lol: :lol:[/color:post_uid0]

[dsbs]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Huntress: I have this recurring dream about business-suit-wearing Orion slave girls taking logic courses from an Andorian sewing expert.[/quote:post_uid0]

Hee! Single most ludicrous line ever[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Alfred: A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far, away, Batman and the Joker squared off in a titanic battle royale...[/quote:post_uid0]
:O :D[/color:post_uid0]

[PointyHairedJedi]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Mwahaha. That was funny. "Let's all gaze into the sunset in a non-final way". :lol:[/color:post_uid0]

[Zeke]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]More cheese now up, this time courtesy of Derek Dean. Look for the companion piece by me in an hour or so.[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Clark: Well, if it's not small, then why is it called Smallville?
Chloe: Because the founders of the town were the Smalls. Just another way in which this show rewrites continuity.[/quote:post_uid0]
:lol:[/color:post_uid0]

[Zeke]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]That companion slice I mentioned is now up.[/color:post_uid0]

[galibert]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]And it's really, really good.

OG.[/color:post_uid0]

[Scooter]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Five Minute smallville? [i:post_uid0]Somebody[/i:post_uid0] stole my idea... and you know what that means. Cookies must be paid.

Both superfivers were very funny, by the way... :D[/color:post_uid0]

[Nic Corelli]

[quote:post_uid0="Scooter"][color=#000000:post_uid0]Five Minute smallville? [i:post_uid0]Somebody[/i:post_uid0] stole my idea...[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]You will all get SO thwapped!


(funny stuff, though) :D[/color:post_uid0]

[evay]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I love how the L&C fiver plays off the Stuporville -- sorry, the Smallville fiver. Very clever.[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Martha: You should listen to him because he's your father, but if that isn't good enough, he's also Bo Duke from "The Dukes of Hazzard."

...
Freak: Bwahahaha! At last we have our showdown in the middle of the town, in full daylight, with the entire town looking on!
Clark: Oh no! How do I defeat the villain without exposing my powers? Wait, I know!
(HEAT VISION! )
(SUPER-SPEED! )
(SUPER-STRENGTH! )
Entire Town: Meh. Nothing new to see here. [/quote:post_uid0]
:lol: :lol:


[quote:post_uid0]Clark: Here's an interesting question. Should my speaker credit be "Clark" or "Superman"? In fact, at this point maybe it should still be "Kal-El."
Jonathan: A nitpicking baby!

...
Criminals: We are committing crimes, in accordance with our being criminals.

...
Lex Luthor: How about me?
Lois: You're reasonably hot. But evil, so it's a dilemma.
Clark: Hey Lex! How've you been?
Lex: Excuse me, do I know you?
Clark: Of course you do! We went to school together, remember?
Lex: No....
Clark: And how did you get your hair back?

Lex: Lois, will you marry me?
Lois: Yes.
Superman: NOOOOOOOOOO!
Lois: Wait, no.
Lex: NOOOOOOOOOO! (jumps off LexCorp building)
Lois: Wait, yes. Lex? Hello? Oooh... guess that's a no after all.

[insert the Obstacles to Lois and Clark's Relationship Organization][/quote:post_uid0]
:lol: A really silly send-up of that show (not that I would know much about it)...[/color:post_uid0]

[Michiel]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0][b:post_uid0]Nigel:[/b:post_uid0] Poor Mr. Luthor. Good thing I know an expert on bringing dead characters back to life.
[b:post_uid0]Denise Crosby:[/b:post_uid0] Hi.[/quote:post_uid0]

Bwahaha. :D I only just got this one.[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I've never seen any of the cheese shows (except Xena)... some of them I've never even heard of... but d***, these are funny! Kudos!

Best. April fool. EVAR.[/color:post_uid0]

[mudshark]

[quote:post_uid0="Michiel"][color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0][b:post_uid0]Nigel:[/b:post_uid0] Poor Mr. Luthor. Good thing I know an expert on bringing dead characters back to life.
[b:post_uid0]Denise Crosby:[/b:post_uid0] Hi.[/quote:post_uid0]

Bwahaha. :D I only just got this one.[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Rather liked that one, I did. :D[/color:post_uid0]

[Derek]

[quote:post_uid0="Scooter"][color=#000000:post_uid0]Five Minute smallville? [i:post_uid0]Somebody[/i:post_uid0] stole my idea... and you know what that means. Cookies must be paid.[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Sorry. It was the first show I thought of that qualified as cheese. (No offense, Nic.)[/color:post_uid0]

[Zeke]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]New slice is up -- and this time it's a full episode fiver. (This one was ready last night, but my Net time ran out before I could post it.)[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[quote:post_uid0="Nic Corelli"][color=#000000:post_uid0]Smallville is a great show! It is not cheese! Â :madder:[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Oh c'mon.... Some of the greatest shows ARE cheese! See Voyager for example. "Get this cheese to Sickbay!"[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Sandy Cohen: You're a smart kid. Why would you do this?
Ryan: I'm not answering any questions until I talk to my lawyer.
Sandy: I'm your lawyer.
Ryan: I know.
Sandy: (sigh) Well, I can keep you from going to jail. I have this trick I do where I point out that "helping your brother steal a car" isn't specifically mentioned in the criminal code.
Ryan: Wasn't I abetting, man?
Sandy: Only if you're fond of gambling.

...
Marissa: Of course not. Yes. By the way, in case you can't tell from the slow, lingering closeups of us with our hair in the breeze, we're being set up together.
Ryan: Who's that pulling up in the truck?
Marissa: An obstacle.[/quote:post_uid0]
:lol: :lol:[/color:post_uid0]

[Nan]

[quote:post_uid0="taya17"][color=#000000:post_uid0]"Get this cheese to Sickbay!"[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]The quote that everyone knows. ;)

Seriously, she's right. I mean, look at the classic Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy miniseries. That ruled, and it was pretty much pure cheese.[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Sandy: Well, Ryan's settled in the poolhouse. I'm sure he'll be --
(ZZZZZZAP)
Sandy: What was that?
Kirsten: Oh, he must have touched something.
Sandy: When you said you bolted everything down... did you by any chance mean with lightning bolts?
Kirsten: Why do you ask?[/quote:post_uid0]
Hehehe.

[quote:post_uid0]Seth: Yep. I answer to Xander too.[/quote:post_uid0]
Indeed, they're quite alike.

Great Cheeser. :D[/color:post_uid0]

[mudshark]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Seth: Party this drunker and drunker getting is. Hic.
Summer: Ryan! You are sooooooo hic. Great party isn't this?
Seth: Hey! Hic! Ryan, are you hiccing on my dream girl?
Ryan: No, I swear! Am I the only sober person here?
Seth: Oh, I guess they have hiccer alcohic tolerance in Chino!
Everyone: (GASP) Chino?
Summer: Eww! He's a hic!
[/quote:post_uid0]
Heh. :lol:[/color:post_uid0]

[Zeke]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]New cheese now up just for you, my little toaster strudels.[/color:post_uid0]

[evay]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Tyr: Surprise challenger? I heard of no -- (KLONK)
Jim Kirk: Surprise.
Beka: Ooooo. That was very impressive.[/quote:post_uid0]

AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA that was awesome! :D best line in three cheesers. :clap::clap::clap::clap::clap: Kirk RULES![/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Host: We're gonna find a big ol' hero of a man for this lovely lady here.
Beka Valentine: I'm flattered, really, but I don't need --
Host: Honey, I've watched your show. You need all the help you can get.[/quote:post_uid0]
Bwahahaha!

[quote:post_uid0]Host: Go date, Beka babe. I promise you'll like 'em. And if you don't, you get to kill as many as you want.
Contestants: WHAT?
Beka: Score![/quote:post_uid0]
:lol:

The funniest parts were
[quote:post_uid0]Wait till I show you where our chili powder comes from![/quote:post_uid0]
and
[quote:post_uid0]Host: Don't worry, sugarplum. Every few minutes or so he pulls a Jennifer Love Hewitt's career and dies. You just need to kick him like so until he --
Sheridan: Independence! Morals and right and wrong and... where was I?
Lorne: Dead.
Sheridan: Oh, good. Nothing serious.[/quote:post_uid0]
ROFLOL!

One last favorite bit:
[quote:post_uid0]Crichton: Scorpius is hiding there, isn't he? Isn't he?
Scorpius: (from the closet) Don't be ridiculous, John.[/quote:post_uid0]



Absolutely hilarious! :lol:[/color:post_uid0]

[Derek]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Can't go wrong with Angel references!
[quote:post_uid0]Host: And if what the friendly folks in the grapevine say is true, watching it even once means kissing your soul goodbye. That's a pretty bad idea for at least one guy I know.[/quote:post_uid0]
[quote:post_uid0]Host: Ouch! Down he goes. Looks like steroid-boy is the champion.
Angel: I thought [i:post_uid0]I[/i:post_uid0] was --
Host: You know what I mean, Angelcakes.[/quote:post_uid0][/color:post_uid0]

[Scooter]

[quote:post_uid0="evay"][color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Tyr: Surprise challenger? I heard of no -- (KLONK)
Jim Kirk: Surprise.
Beka: Ooooo. That was very impressive.[/quote:post_uid0]

AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA that was awesome! Â :D Â best line in three cheesers. :clap::clap::clap::clap::clap: Kirk RULES![/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]The best part is, you can [i]so[/] see Kirk doing it. :)[/color:post_uid0]

[Nic Corelli]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="Derek"]Sorry. It was the first show I thought of that qualified as cheese. (No offense, Nic.)[/quote:post_uid0]
No worries, Derek, none taken. It IS just a little TV show, :D

[quote:post_uid0]Five Minute smallville? [i:post_uid0]Somebody[/i:post_uid0] stole my idea... [/quote:post_uid0]

Actually and as far as I know, it was originally MY idea... but due to the temporal anomaly known as "soon", you don`t know that, :D :p[/color:post_uid0]

[AKAArzosah]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Host: We live in a big, wonderful genre full of demons and spaceships and blatant defiance of the laws of physics. It runs on antimatter and ketracel white -- and love. So tonight, kiddies, we're gonna make our own little contribution to the big, beating heart of romance that keeps science fiction real. We're gonna find a big ol' hero of a man for this lovely lady here.
Beka Valentine: I'm flattered, really, but I don't need --
Host: Honey, I've watched your show. You need all the help you can get.
[/quote:post_uid0]

I'm so tempted to be offended, but I find I can't help but agree.

Best Cheese EVER![/color:post_uid0]

[Zeke]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I felt I should give the [i:post_uid0]Andromeda[/i:post_uid0] fans something to make up for including 5MA in the Cheese. Glad you liked it. ;)[/color:post_uid0]

[BR48]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Five-Minute Average Joe was hilarious! Zeke, I now officially forgive you for every delay FMV's ever had, or ever will have. This one fiver balances it all.

My favorite parts:
[quote:post_uid0]Host: Go date, Beka babe. I promise you'll like 'em. And if you don't, you get to kill as many as you want.
Contestants: WHAT?
Beka: Score![/quote:post_uid0]
Gotta love Beka. :D

[quote:post_uid0]Sheridan: Yes, you're right. None of us has the right to force his opinion on others. No matter how powerful you are, it's not your business to decide how other beings or races will live their -- GAK!
Beka: Oh, thank God. I mean... will he be okay?
Host: Don't worry, sugarplum. Every few minutes or so he pulls a Jennifer Love Hewitt's career and dies. You just need to kick him like so until he --
Sheridan: Independence! Morals and right and wrong and... where was I?
Host: Dead.
Sheridan: Oh, good. Nothing serious. [/quote:post_uid0]
Good old speechifying, coming-back-from-the-dead John Sheridan. Although I was dissapointed when I realised that Beka didn't kill him.

[quote:post_uid0]Beka: Don't you think you're being a little paranoid?
Scorpius: (under the table) Actually, John's concerns are quite sensible.[/quote:post_uid0]
Pure gold.

[quote:post_uid0]Beka: You know, I live on a spaceship.
Doggett: Sure you do, ma'am. Sure you do. [/quote:post_uid0]
:lol:

[quote:post_uid0]Host: That's true, kitty cat, but we just couldn't say no to Mr. Ubermenschen here. Just ask the two casting directors who tried.[/quote:post_uid0]
[quote:post_uid0]Tyr: I find that my requests are given higher priority when they are emphasized with armaments. [/quote:post_uid0]
Great job with Tyr. Funny and completely in character. You even managed to maintain the character's voice without sacrificing the comedy at all. Color me impressed.

[quote:post_uid0]Crichton: Scorpius is hiding there, isn't he? Isn't he?
Scorpius: (from the closet) Don't be ridiculous, John.[/quote:post_uid0]
Some jokes are even funnier the second time around, even in a single fiver. This is one of them.

[quote:post_uid0]Host: Ouch! Down he goes. Looks like steroid-boy is the champion.
Angel: I thought I was --
Host: You know what I mean, Angelcakes.[/quote:post_uid0]
Yet another Angel reference. I think there's been one in almost every FMC. I like this trend.

[quote:post_uid0]Tyr: Surprise challenger? I heard of no -- (KLONK)
Jim Kirk: Surprise.[/quote:post_uid0]
James Kirk. You just can't be the original.

[quote:post_uid0]Host: .... So I leave you with this final song, sung by a very good friend of mine....
Angel: Wise men say... only fools rush in... but I can't helllllp falling in lllllove with you....[/quote:post_uid0]
Angel singing! The perfect end to a fabulous fiver. My hat is off to you Zeke.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Oh no! John Sheridan-who-cant-die is coming back even in fivers!

What have we done!

*runs screaming*[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Thanks to BR48 for quoting almost the whole Cheeser. Now I won't have to. :D

[quote:post_uid0]Host: Hi there, all you boys and girls in La-La Land. I'm Krevlornswath of the Deathwok Clan, but you can call me Frankie, or Lorne if you want me to answer.[/quote:post_uid0]
:lol:

[quote:post_uid0]Beka: "In the closet."
Crichton: Scorpius is hiding there, isn't he? Isn't he?
Scorpius: (from the closet) Don't be ridiculous, John.[/quote:post_uid0]
Now why can I just [i:post_uid0]hear[/i:post_uid0] Scorpy say that? :D[/color:post_uid0]

[Scooter]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Well, according to the Dawson's Creek cheeser, it's Malcolm that's in the closet .... :)

Loved the AJ. Poor Becca--with all of SFdom to choose from she still almost gets stuck with Tyr.[/color:post_uid0]

[Zeke]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Thank you all for the great feedback to 5MAJ. Â The next new slice is up, and geez, it's long.

(Ten quatloos to whoever remembers where "schrok" is from.)[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Dear Sally: I know you don't exist yet, because the monks won't change everyone's memories to include you for another year or so, but I've decided to narrate my college years and I needed someone to narrate them to. It would be silly to just spontaneously record "logs" or something. So you're elected.
Sally: No problem.
Stop that.

...
Felicity: You're hot, Noel.
David: I'm David.
Felicity: Right.
After another 50 or so of those Freudian slips, it occurred to me I might actually want Noel. Besides, by then David was getting his blood sucked on the side, and I wasn't too happy about that. So I dumped him.
David: Ow!
Out the window.
David: GAK!
From fifty stories up. I didn't like him much.

...
Campaign Posters: Vote for Felicity Porter or we'll club 5000 baby seals with homeless people.
The voters called my bluff and elected Richard, who had run on a platform of clubbing me with a baby seal.
Felicity: Ow!
Baby Seal: Urp.[/quote:post_uid0]

:lol: One of the silliest yet![/color:post_uid0]

[Nan]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Schrok? B5?[/color:post_uid0]

[BR48]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0](Ten quatloos to whoever remembers where "schrok" is from.)[/quote:post_uid0]
It sounds a bit like the "strength ritual" chant from Galaxy Quest...

Anyway, I liked this fiver a lot. Â It's based on BTVS, and that's [i:post_uid0]kind of[/i:post_uid0] like an Angel reference (and there were references to the character of Angel of course).

Favorite part:
[quote:post_uid0]Most important, there was Noel, the sun god.
Noel: No, I explained this already. "R. A." stands for residence advisor. I'm not the Egyptian god Ra.[/quote:post_uid0]
ROFL! Â Best quote ever.

Other favorites:
[quote:post_uid0]Besides, by then David was getting his blood sucked on the side, and I wasn't too happy about that. So I dumped him.
David: Ow!
Out the window.
David: GAK!
From fifty stories up. I didn't like him much.[/quote:post_uid0]
[quote:post_uid0]The voters called my bluff and elected Richard, who had run on a platform of clubbing me with a baby seal.[/quote:post_uid0]
[quote:post_uid0]Ben dumped me.
Felicity: Ow!
But from only three stories. And I landed on Noel, knocking him out long enough for Meghan to restore his soul, so it was all good.[/quote:post_uid0]
[quote:post_uid0]Felicity: Nooooo! Why did he have to get caught in that fire?
Elena: You should have talked him out of taking a tour of the gasoline-soaked rag warehouse. Or at least not given Ben that match.[/quote:post_uid0]

And the ending is just awesome, especially the last half:
[quote:post_uid0]Javier was still not Giles.
Javier: Look at me! I'm riding a horse!
You're NOT GILES. Noel didn't die and actually ended up running a law firm, of all things.
Noel: You may have heard otherwise, but I swear, this firm is not evil. Why, just yesterday we organized a save-the-baby-seals effort. We threw homeless people at the guys who were clubbing them.
And me? Well, I see a bright future ahead.
Ben: Can't see the future, love. That's the ceiling. Also, it's night.
Yessir, a bright, bright future.[/quote:post_uid0][/color:post_uid0]

[Derek]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]That was awesome, Zeke! I loved it.

[quote:post_uid0][i:post_uid0]Then we did a Twilight Zone parody.[/i:post_uid0]
Felicity: Who is Number One?
Noel: You are Number Six.
Felicity: Who is Number One?
Noel: You are Number Six.
[i:post_uid0]I said a Twilight Zone parody![/i:post_uid0]
Felicity: Submitted for your approval: Who is Number One?
Noel: You are now entering... Number Six.[/quote:post_uid0]

[quote:post_uid0]Then Ben got this girl named Lauren pregnant. He didn't take it well at first.[/quote:post_uid0]
I don't know anything about the show, but shouldn't this mean that Ben is Angel instead of Spike?[/color:post_uid0]

[Gatac]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Woo, a Prisoner reference!

Gatac[/color:post_uid0]

[Hotaru]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Very funny. I would quote the best parts, but I would end up quoting everything. Good job![/color:post_uid0]

[mudshark]

[quote:post_uid0="Zeke"][color=#000000:post_uid0](Ten quatloos to whoever remembers where "schrok" is from.)[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]It's either Steve Allen or [i:post_uid0]A Piece of the Action[/i:post_uid0].[/color:post_uid0]

[Zeke]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Nobody's got "schrok" so far. Hint: It's a reference to something on the site, and it's pretty obscure.[/color:post_uid0]

[Sa'ar Chasm]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I notice you managed to work "bizingo" in there.[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Wee, a fiver of the complete series of Buffy. :bigsmile:

I'm not going to quote any scenes, for obvious reasons which are already stated. :)

Great fiver. :D[/color:post_uid0]

[Zeke]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Two new cheesers are now up, by authors other than me for a change: IJD GAF and Sa'ar Chasm. Give it up.[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Batman: Great Scott! Someone is trying to call us on our giant computer.
Robin: Holy unexpected plot complication, Batman!
Batman: Robin, every time you say that, God kills a kitten. Please, think of the kittens.
Villager: Super Friends! Please help us! Our village has been attacked by miniature giant space hamsters!
Robin: I wonder how he knew they're both miniature and giant.
Batman: I wonder how a village in Ubonga has two-way visual communication.

...
Gleek: Ook eek eeek ook ook! (Translation: I don't believe someone actually got paid to write this.)[/quote:post_uid0]
I'd like to say I don't believe it either, but :eyeroll:... :D

[quote:post_uid0]Batman: Thank goodness you're here, Superman. Robin has discovered that the voodoo vampire who possessed the space hamsters was really an octopus mutated by exposure to the leaking reactor of a nuclear submarine.[/quote:post_uid0]
:lol: :lol: That sounds exactly like something from the Word-at-a-time thread!




[quote:post_uid0]April: I feel kinda woozy. I remember a bunch of marketable coolness coming from overly mysterious figures. It was... too much to handle.
Michelangelo: Gnarly!
April: AAAAH! (faints)
Raphael: (SLAP) No more fainting! It interferes with the ability to have interesting dialogue.

...
Shredder: I know that! I've been watching the whole episode on my spooky monitor of omniscience.
Human Rocksteady: Also, I've kinda been wonderin'... why's my speaker credit so weird?
Shredder: Never mind that! Were those shadowy figures turtles?
Human Rocksteady: Shouldn't you know with your monitor there?
Shredder: Idiot! I must know whether they were turtles!
Human Rocksteady: Why? What does it really matter?
Shredder: It doesn't! Mwahahaha![/quote:post_uid0]
:lol: :lol:[/color:post_uid0]

[Hotaru]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Batman: Thank goodness you're here, Superman. Robin has discovered that the voodoo vampire who possessed the space hamsters was really an octopus mutated by exposure to the leaking reactor of a nuclear submarine.[/quote:post_uid0] That sounds exactly like something from the Word-at-a-time thread![/quote:post_uid0]

Sadly, I saw an episode where a whale and gaint squid mutated from the leaking reactor of a nuclear sub.[/color:post_uid0]

[Kira]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0][b:post_uid0]Villager:[/b:post_uid0] Must you preface every noun with the word "super"?
[b:post_uid0]Superman:[/b:post_uid0] Somebody's a super grouch today... Ow! Not in the super face![/quote:post_uid0]

[quote:post_uid0][b:post_uid0]Robin:[/b:post_uid0] So what should we take to Ubonga? The Batjet, the Batcopter, the Batboat, the Batpanzer or the Batconvertible?
[b:post_uid0]Batman:[/b:post_uid0] We have a Batconvertible?
[b:post_uid0]Robin:[/b:post_uid0] Well, I just painted the Barbie convertible black and glued some bat fins on. [/quote:post_uid0]

Just the right amount of gay....

[quote:post_uid0][b:post_uid0]Wonder Woman:[/b:post_uid0] Superman, the space hamsters are attacking Norway now. I'm going to fly there in my invisible jet... just as soon as I remember where I left it. [/quote:post_uid0]

Anyone ever seen the MTV Movie Awards gag like this, with Jack Black as Spider-Man and Sarah Michelle Gellar as Wonder Woman?

[quote:post_uid0][b:post_uid0]Batman:[/b:post_uid0] Okay, before we go, let's make one last equipment check: Bathooks, Bat-Disintegrator Rays, Bat-iPods, portable Batcomputers, Bat-Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters and Bat-Riot Shields... anything we've forgotten?
[b:post_uid0]Robin:[/b:post_uid0] The space hamsters might have the Baseball of Doom.
[b:post_uid0]Batman:[/b:post_uid0] You're right... go get the Bat-Bat.[/quote:post_uid0]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Â I needed that....

Also, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Â That takes me back. Â Good stuff.[/color:post_uid0]

[Anonymous]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Narrator: Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice...
Batman: Okay, before we go, let's make one last equipment check: Bathooks, Bat-Disintegrator Rays, Bat-iPods, portable Batcomputers, Bat-Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters and Bat-Riot Shields... anything we've forgotten?
Robin: The space hamsters might have the Baseball of Doom.
Batman: You're right... go get the Bat-Bat.

:D yay - 42[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]::Collapses in helpless mirth. Between gasps and hysterical laughter, vaguely suggests that with all the superhero spoofs, you might consider doing X-Men or any one of the Spiderman cartoons next.::

[quote:post_uid0]Robin: Holy unexpected plot complication, Batman!
Batman: Robin, every time you say that, God kills a kitten. Please, think of the kittens.[/quote:post_uid0][/color:post_uid0]

[Nan]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Few things can match Superfriends for sheer cheesery.

Very few things. ;)[/color:post_uid0]

[Derek]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Woohoo! I guessed TMNT when I was talking to IJD on IRC Sunday. Of course, I guessed every other thing on imdb too, but that's not the point.

[quote:post_uid0]Splinter: And that is how they became the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!
Raphael: After all that talking, we're technically now the Young Adult Mutant Ninja Turtles.
April: Wow, what a catchy name for a group of talented, yet unknown artists.
Splinter: "The Turtles" was taken.[/quote:post_uid0]
Heh. I'm sure they're very happy together.

And Superfriends? That was just great.[/color:post_uid0]

[mudshark]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Narrator: Meanwhile, in... oh, sod it
[/quote:post_uid0]
:snerk:
[quote:post_uid0]Splinter: Here, have some sushi.
April: Thanks, rat man.
Donatello: Yuck! Raw fish!
April: Um... You're a turtle.
Donatello: Point.
[/quote:post_uid0]
Heheheh.[/color:post_uid0]

[Sa'ar Chasm]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Sadly, I saw an episode where a whale and gaint squid mutated from the leaking reactor of a nuclear sub. [/quote:post_uid0]

Where do you think I got it from? The voodoo vampire, the black hole with the offswitch and the Titanic eats the lighthouse are all from the show as well (you may remember "The Titanic! She's eating my ship!" from my .sig many months back).

There's cheese, and then there's [i:post_uid0]cheese[/i:post_uid0].

Matt Groening once said that Saturday morning cartoons are evidence that grownups hate children. Superfriends is a prime example.

[quote:post_uid0]Just the right amount of gay....[/quote:post_uid0]

I was gonna say something along the lines of "no comments about Robin's tights," but I couldn't find room for it amongst all the BatParaphernalia.

[quote:post_uid0]I'd like to say I don't believe it either, but...[/quote:post_uid0]

I've declared a fatwa against the writers.[/color:post_uid0]

[mudshark]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="Zeke"]Nobody's got "schrok" so far. Â Hint: It's a reference to something on the site, and it's pretty obscure.[/quote:post_uid0]
Okay, there was a use of the word in a News update, back in August. If that's not it, consider me clueless.

BTW, my earlier comment about Steve Allen [i:post_uid0]is[/i:post_uid0] correct, though the word used in [i:post_uid0]APotA[/i:post_uid0] was probably "schronk".[/color:post_uid0]

[Zeke]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Got it, Shark -- I was referring to that News update. Â In the August 24 entry, I said "And so ends another week... not with a bang, nor with a whimper, but with a schrok. If you don't know what that sounds like, I can't help you."

[quote:post_uid0="Kira"]Just the right amount of gay....
Anyone ever seen the MTV Movie Awards gag like this, with Jack Black as Spider-Man and Sarah Michelle Gellar as Wonder Woman?[/quote:post_uid0]
Did you read my Lois & Clark fiver, or is this an amazing coincidence?[/color:post_uid0]

[Nic Corelli]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Jayna: Form of... a lemming!
[/quote:post_uid0]

Why I am not surprised... :D

[quote:post_uid0]Robin: The space hamsters might have the Baseball of Doom.
Batman: You're right... go get the Bat-Bat.
[/quote:post_uid0]

Laughs hysterically..collapses..dies.. :D :D

[quote:post_uid0]Narrator: And thus concludes another exciting episode of Syuuuuuuper Friends! Tune in again next week for another dose of "Dear Lord, why do I watch this show?"
[/quote:post_uid0]

:lol:

[quote:post_uid0]Batman: Well, I guess we can lei this case to rest, then.
[/quote:post_uid0]

Mad man! Puns like these can only come from a maaad man! :p[/color:post_uid0]

[Nic Corelli]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Yoshi: So what do you guys want to do today?
Turtles:
Yoshi: Excellent idea! I'd love to swim in a pool of radioactive purple goo! [/quote:post_uid0]

[quote:post_uid0]Splinter: And that is how they became the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!
Raphael: After all that talking, we're technically now the Young Adult Mutant Ninja Turtles.
[/quote:post_uid0]

[quote:post_uid0]Michelangelo: Woah, it's some Darth Vader look-alike!
Shredder: Crap! Spooky Monitor of Omniscience off!
[/quote:post_uid0]


Bwahahah! HILARIOUS! :D :D

Seriously, all Cheese fivers so far have been fantastic. (Well, due to Felicity-induced traumas I still haven`t read that one). And the fact we`re all, one week later, still laughing at April Fools jokes really shows just how crazy we all are, :D :D[/color:post_uid0]

[Nan]

[quote:post_uid0="Zeke"][color=#000000:post_uid0]Got it, Shark -- I was referring to that News update.[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]It's also a Narn obscenity, but spelled "shrock." ;)[/color:post_uid0]

[Kira]

[quote:post_uid0="Zeke"][color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="Kira"]Just the right amount of gay....
Anyone ever seen the MTV Movie Awards gag like this, with Jack Black as Spider-Man and Sarah Michelle Gellar as Wonder Woman?[/quote:post_uid0]
Did you read my Lois & Clark fiver, or is this an amazing coincidence?[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Both. I'm well aware of where that joke came from in the Lois & Clark cheeser, but I would've made the comment anyways. That bit is totally hilarious.[/color:post_uid0]

[Sa'ar Chasm]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Mad man! Puns like these can only come from a maaad man! [/quote:post_uid0]

That pun was selected to be as awful as possible, on par with what that show normally inflicts on its viewers.[/color:post_uid0]

[Nan]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Plus, you know, you [i:post_uid0]are[/i:post_uid0] mad. :D

*runs away*[/color:post_uid0]

[Sa'ar Chasm]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Mad is a state of mind. Wibble.[/color:post_uid0]

[Zeke]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The final unaccounted-for Cheese series is now accounted for. Five-Minute Voyager will resume front-page status on Easter Sunday.[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Officer: So much for the last of the Brunnen G. I'll go feed his corpse to something.
His Shadow: Stop! I have a plan for him....
Officer: What, throw him at a baby seal?
His Shadow: An even better plan![/quote:post_uid0]
:lol:

[quote:post_uid0]His Shadow: GAAAA...
Cleric: Quick! Transfer him to his new body before he can say the K!

Judge Robot: Prisoner Zev, you are found guilty of being a really, really fat woman.
Zev: Justice at its purest.
Judge: You are sentenced to become a sex slave.
All the Men in the Room: ...What?
Judge: After being put through our hot-chick-maker device.
All the Men in the Room: Ohhhhhh.
All the Women in the Room: (slap all the men in the room)

Divine Predecessors: How do you feel after the transfer?
His Shadow: Oh, fine, thanks. Finely insane!
Divine Predecessor 1: Uh oh. Did we screen this new body?
Divine Predecessor 2: It was the body of a perfectly normal citizen. Joran something.
His Shadow: Well, I guess it's time to begin my mission to destroy all the 20,000 Planets.
Divine Predecessor 1: Your mission is to protect the 20,000 Planets!
His Shadow: What can hurt them once they're destroyed?
[/quote:post_uid0]
:lol: :lol: :lol:[/color:post_uid0]

[mudshark]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]His Shadow: GAAAA...
Cleric: Quick! Transfer him to his new body before he can say the K!
[/quote:post_uid0]
:D
[quote:post_uid0]Bug: Actually, do I believe in a robot afterlife? Maybe I'm a di-agnostic who's not sure if there's two robot afterlives or not. Oh well. (BOOM)
[/quote:post_uid0]
Heh. Clever.

Never actually saw [i:post_uid0]Lexx[/i:post_uid0]. I'm not even sure whether it was shown where I was, but it sounds wonderfully bizarre ... or something.

Also discovered I'd completely forgotten to click on the [i:post_uid0]Survivor[/i:post_uid0] cheeser, but I think someone may have quoted substantial chunks earlier.

Edit: code[/color:post_uid0]

[Nan]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]It was a weird series. Funny, but weird.

Some would say this is because it was developed by Newfies and Germans, but I think it's just the general collective psyche of the cast and crew.

Example:

giant woman stomping around Tokyo
killer vegetables
Oberon, unambiguously gay king of the faeries
brain-eating lizard thingies
the Wozard of Woz
a main character getting killed off by being transfigured into a sort of custard (which is then collected in a bowl)

Had some neat production design during season 3. And way, WAY too many Canadian actors for one series.

(I can't watch Nigel Bennet (Prince) in anything now without thinking he's going to swing an axe or something.)

Good times.[/color:post_uid0]

[galibert]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Somebody call the Pun Police, we have an emergency at the Lexx fiver.

OG.[/color:post_uid0]

[Zeke]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Pun Police! Are you a fellow Casey and Andy (http://www.galactanet.com/comic/index.htm) fan?[/color:post_uid0]

[Sa'ar Chasm]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I first encountered the Pun Police here. (http://www.dangermouse.net/irregular/logos/PunPolice.jpg)

The arrest is well deserved.[/color:post_uid0]

[Zeke]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Yep, that's the Pun Policewoman from Casey and Andy. That strip and Irregular Webcomic are very fond of each other.[/color:post_uid0]