September 5: 5MNG 3rd Anniversary

[Kira]

Well, it's that time of year again. Break out the party favors, the Troi-shaped cake, a surly Klingon, and Will Riker's trombone: 5MNG turns three today! 5MV's oldest subsite, it's been around as long as I have, and with today's contributions, it's now fived 60% of the Next Generation material. So let's hear it for Marc, 5MNG, and more great years to come!


In celebration of the momentous occasion, we're going to have three days of three fivers apiece. To start us off, we've got Five-Minute "The Quality of Life (../nextgen/fiver.php?ep=thequalityoflife)" from the head cheese himself, Marc Richard, accompanied by Five-Minute "Violations (../nextgen/fiver.php?ep=violations)" by Derek Dean and Five-Minute "The Outcast (../nextgen/fiver.php?ep=theoutcast)" by Wade. You'll also notice some changes to the site layout: as with 5MD and 5MST before it, 5MNG is now the latest victim of Zeke's PHP mania.


So, enjoy, and come back for more tomorrow.

[admiral sab]

YAY! Congrats, Marc! ;)

[Zeke]

5MV's oldest subsite, it's been around as long as I have

Marc! I had no idea you've been running 5MNG for 23 years. That's a lot of work, man... you deserve a paid vacation. Take five minutes starting now.

Seriously, my congratulationsest congratulations to Marc and 5MNG. Three years is a long time -- and that's in 5MV time. It's 36 years in regular time.

[Xeroc]

The first two are great, but the third one is maulfunctioning!

It doesn't have any enters.

Like this one.
Or these two.

Or boldness!

It's way too shy.

[Zeke]

Thanks for the tipoff -- I've fixed the fiver.

[Xeroc]

Thanks for the tipoff -- I've fixed the fiver.
No problem, any time!

All three fivers are great!

Now I can't wait for tomorrow!

[Wade, The Sane Commodore]

Oh God, its all in PHP! Oh the humanity! WHY? WHY? (breaks down in tears)

[Zeke]

You don't like PHP, Wade? That's a pity -- it likes you.

[Xeroc]

You don't like PHP, Wade? That's a pity -- it likes you.
Yeah PHP is da bomb!

[Nan]

PHP loves you. Why don't you like PHP, Wade? WHY? WHY?

[SCMoll]

The link to the TrekNation guide page on "Violations" is thus

http://www.treknation.com/episodes/tng/season5/Captain's%20Log:%20We%20are%20transporting%20a%20g roup%20of%20Ullians,%20a%20race%20of%20psychos.
.shtml

I've got a suspicion that this isn't right somehow...

[Derek]

Farallon: (triumphantly) YES! I've done it! You all thought that I was mad, but now I've shown you! Look at my creation! It's not alive! IT'S NOT ALIVE! HA-HA!
Excellent, Marc! And congrats on 3 years!

Soren: Commander, tell me about your sexual organs.
Riker: My WHAT?
I have a great mental picture of this scene. Nice one, Wade.

[Wade, The Sane Commodore]

Save yourselves! PHP will destroy you! You must take fire to it! Do not let it consume you!

[Kira]

The link to the TrekNation guide page on "Violations" is thus

http://www.treknation.com/episodes/tng/season5/Captain's%20Log:%20We%20are%20transporting%20a%20g roup%20of%20Ullians,%20a%20race%20of%20psychos.
.shtml

I've got a suspicion that this isn't right somehow...

Hm, that should have been fixed. I forgot a series of lines in the php code, and as a result the first three lines of the fiver got eaten and used in place of the proper code. I fixed the problem, or so I thought... I'll see what's going on. (Eh, first time using php... could have been worse. :D)

[Alexia]

*wonders why there are almost no quotes in this thread yet*

WOW :shock: THREE FIVERS! 8) Cool :D And it would have to be on a day when I've been REALLY busy so I haven't had time to read them :wink:

I've just read the first one and I have two things to say.

Worf: I see your ten and raise you another hundred.
La Forge: You're bluffing. The chances of your cards being that good are even worse than the chances we'd ever agree to serve on another ship beside the Enterprise-D.
Crusher: And that's about as likely to happen as me ever becoming a blonde.
Riker: Or me ever shaving off my beard.
Worf: Would the three of you care to make a small side bet on any of that?
Riker: You're on.

LMAO :mrgreen:

La Forge: If the exocomp leaves the tube in the next sixty seconds, we'll know for sure that Number Five is alive.
Farallon: I only built three exocomps, Commander. Where do you get the number fi--
La Forge: It's just a figure of speech, Doctor. Drop by on movie night later this week and I'll explain.

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAA! XD

Kick ass Short Circuit reference :wink: I love that film! Nice one Mark!

Now, to read the others :mrgreen:

[Alexia]

OK, read the 2nd one. My thoughts...

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Data: I don't get memory. The only way I'd forget anything at all would be if someone removed my memory engrams.
Geordi: Unfortunately, human memory doesn't work like that. Commander Riker, for example, can still remember things even with no brain at all.

So true :wink:

Inad: We are compiling a list of races' memories to put in our Great Library in Ullandria.
Picard: How very interesting! What a noble and laudable goal you have established.
Tarmin: Would you like your sociological and anthropological distinctiveness added to our own?
Picard: Get off my ship.

:lol: :mrgreen:

Crusher: Deanna's unconscious.
Picard: Oh, is that why she's lying there unmoving?
Crusher: Shuddup.

Picard: We think you may be responsible for the unexplained comas.
Tarmin: Oh I see, blame the strange new aliens you have on board this week. How original.
Picard: Hey, we don't always do that. Sometimes we blame things on random pseudo-scientific phemonena.

Haaaaahahahaha!

So, I quoted almost all the fiver :wink: That was a good'n :mrgreen:

*goes to third fiver*

[Alexia]

Ok, read the last one. Yes I will be doing a large post full of quotes again for the third time in a row. I'm my defence, you asked for it posting 3 great new fivers in one day. You should know better :wink:

La Forge: Got the bungee cord all hooked up Commander, you're ready to go.
Riker: Geordi, do you have a... a BEARD?
La Forge: Relax, Commander -- I'm just borrowing a page from Lieutenant Commander Argyle.
Riker: Who?
La Forge: One of our here today, gone tomorrow chengs.
Riker: I remember Argyle from such episodes as "Where No Man Has Gone Before" and "Datalore." Anyways, there can only be one bearded officer on the Enterprise at a time. Regs.
La Forge: So if you were to be, I dunno, killed, when your shuttle's engine wanked out, I could grow my beard.
Riker: That's exactly what I'm saying.
La Forge: Have a nice flight, Commander. (cackling evilly)

Love it :wink: Beards...why do they exist :wink:

Data: Sob....
Worf: What is wrong, Commander?
Data: I do not have any lines in this episode. I am useless. Useless: unneeded, ineffectual, wasted. Wasted: spoiled, shattered....
Worf: If you were any other man I would kill you where you stand!
:lol:
Worf: Here is the crew manifest, Commander. Same number of redshirts as before.
Riker: Fine-whatever-get-out.
Worf: Did you not hear me Commander? The same number of redshirts! The episode is almost over!
Riker: I guess it's too late to do anything about it. Let's beam down.

Nice one also Wade :mrgreen: Ok...no more. All laughed out for a bit :wink:

[mudshark]

H'ray! Happy Three, 5MNG! :D

Choice bits ...

from "Quality of Life"
La Forge: According to this scanner image, the exocomp seems to have formed several new blocks of heuristic pathways.
Farallon: I've seen it happen before on other units. Their circuits sometimes become randomly corrupted and they refuse to do any more work.
Data: One of these blocks is particularly intriguing. It appears to contain the text of a grievance complaining about unfair labour practices.
Farallon: I've seen that happen too. Once a unit is this badly broken, its tool replicator refuses to create anything except miniature picket signs.

from "Violations"
Data: I don't get memory. The only way I'd forget anything at all would be if someone removed my memory engrams.
Geordi: Unfortunately, human memory doesn't work like that. Commander Riker, for example, can still remember things even with no brain at all.
----------------------------
Doctor's Log: Turns out Riker was actually in a coma, which, granted, isn't that much of a change.

from "The Outcast"
La Forge: Got the bungee cord all hooked up Commander, you're ready to go.
Riker: Geordi, do you have a... a BEARD?
La Forge: Relax, Commander -- I'm just borrowing a page from Lieutenant Commander Argyle.
Riker: Who?
La Forge: One of our here today, gone tomorrow chengs.
Riker: I remember Argyle from such episodes as "Where No Man Has Gone Before" and "Datalore." Anyways, there can only be one bearded officer on the Enterprise at a time. Regs.
La Forge: So if you were to be, I dunno, killed, when your shuttle's engine wanked out, I could grow my beard.
Riker: That's exactly what I'm saying.
La Forge: Have a nice flight, Commander. (cackling evilly)

Nice going, all of yez. :D
... Break out the party favors, the Troi-shaped cake, a surly Klingon, and Will Riker's trombone ... Er, could we just break his trombone, or perhaps fill it with concrete instead? It must have sounded like a good idea, but every time I heard Frakes' playing, I knew exactly what the jazzman on the holodeck meant when he told Riker "Don't quit the day job." ;)

[NAHTMMM]

Captain's Log: We have arrived at Tyrus VIIA to evaluate an experimental particle fountain being developed to extract minerals from a planetary surface and lift them into orbit. Since the minerals are then to be sold to buyers on the surface and shipped back down on freighters, Starfleet has expressed some skepticism about the economic rationale for this project.

...
Farallon: I've seen it happen before on other units. Their circuits sometimes become randomly corrupted and they refuse to do any more work.
Data: One of these blocks is particularly intriguing. It appears to contain the text of a grievance complaining about unfair labour practices.
Farallon: I've seen that happen too. Once a unit is this badly broken, its tool replicator refuses to create anything except miniature picket signs.

...
Data: No, I am wondering how the toaster is supposed to feel about this insult.
Crusher: Data, toasters don't have feelings.
Data: Would you be offended if I requested a second opinion from Captain Louvois?
Heehee :mrgreen:

La Forge: If the exocomp leaves the tube in the next sixty seconds, we'll know for sure that Number Five is alive.
:D Also particularly liked the score-keeping scene.




Captain's Log: We are transporting a group of Ullians, a race of psychos.
Data: That's psychics, sir.
Picard: Don't interrupt.
Data: I don't get memory. The only way I'd forget anything at all would be if someone removed my memory engrams.
Geordi: Unfortunately, human memory doesn't work like that. Commander Riker, for example, can still remember things even with no brain at all.

Inad: We are compiling a list of races' memories to put in our Great Library in Ullandria.
Picard: How very interesting! What a noble and laudable goal you have established.
Tarmin: Would you like your sociological and anthropological distinctiveness added to our own?
Picard: Get off my ship.
Heheheh! :D

Jev: What? It's not like I mind-raped Deanna and left her in a coma.
Riker: I wasn't suggesting --
Jev: Besides, she had it coming.
Heheheh. Very nice blurb too.




Riker: I remember Argyle from such episodes as "Where No Man Has Gone Before" and "Datalore."
Heh, nice twist.

Riker: And Geordi will be the bearded one on the Enterprise? NO!
Another good fiver. :)

[Sa'ar Chasm]

This is what procrastination gets me. Everyone else has aready quoted the best bits.

Farallon: This test conclusively proved that the exocomp was too dumb to realize that it was in danger.
Data: I have a competing hypothesis. Perhaps the exocomp was too smart to be fooled into thinking that it was in danger.
Farallon: I strongly disagree! Your theory goes against the fundamental principle on which I based the entire exocomp design!
Picard: What fundamental principle?
Farallon: That as long as you look good, you don't need brains to be successful in life.

That explains Hollywood.

Soren: Commander, tell me about your sexual organs.
Riker: My WHAT?
Soren: In my species, we don't have any specialized organs like your genders do.
Riker: So you don't have a basis for comparison?
Soren: That would be correct.
Riker: Well, let me tell you....

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

[PointyHairedJedi]

Beards...why do they exist :wink:

"Bridesmaid, like the beard. Gives me something to hang on to! WOOF!"

I was slightly dissappointed at the lack of Batteries Not Included references in "the Quality of Life" (and a few Yes, Minster gags would have been nice too, but too much to hope for really).

All very funny stuff.

[Nic Corelli]

Favourite bits from "The Quality of Life"

La Forge: Doctor, you've already got your hands full with the particle fountain. You shouldn't be developing another type of experimental technology at the same time -- no matter how adorable this robot looks.
Farallon: I'm just covering all my bases. If the exocomps don't prove suitable for engineering applications, I figure I can always market them as really nifty children's toys.


Data: One of these blocks is particularly intriguing. It appears to contain the text of a grievance complaining about unfair labour practices.
Farallon: I've seen that happen too. Once a unit is this badly broken, its tool replicator refuses to create anything except miniature picket signs.


*tries to visualize this... breaks into laughter* :mrgreen:

Data: I believe the exocomps are alive. They refuse to work in hazardous environments because they understand the concept of self-preservation.
Farallon: That's absurd! They're nothing more than tools!
Picard: Is there a way we could test Mr. Data's hypothesis?
La Forge: Yes, sir. We could see how an exocomp reacts when its survival is threatened.
Farallon: That's easy to arrange. Just let me get my hands on one of those malfunctioning little twerps and I'll....
La Forge: I was thinking more along the lines of a simulated threat.


Farallon: (triumphantly) YES! I've done it! You all thought that I was mad, but now I've shown you! Look at my creation! It's not alive! IT'S NOT ALIVE! HA-HA!


:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: Totally crazy!

Farallon: I've decided to found an institute that will help the exocomps grow and learn. I think I'll call it, "Professor Xaviera Farallon's School for Gifted Machines."
Picard: Catchy name.


Very. Heeheehee.

[Nic Corelli]

Favourite bits from "Violations", now, :mrgreen:

Data: I don't get memory. The only way I'd forget anything at all would be if someone removed my memory engrams.
Geordi: Unfortunately, human memory doesn't work like that. Commander Riker, for example, can still remember things even with no brain at all.


ROFL :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

Inad: We are compiling a list of races' memories to put in our Great Library in Ullandria.
Picard: How very interesting! What a noble and laudable goal you have established.
Tarmin: Would you like your sociological and anthropological distinctiveness added to our own?
Picard: Get off my ship.


*Howls like crazy at 2 a.m.* Derek, you might expect a visit from my poor neighbours. :P

Picard: (over the comm) Riker, this is the Voice of God. Thou shalt shave thy head, so thou wilt be as bald as thy captain. Do you understand?
Riker:
Picard: Riker! Do you understand?
Riker:
Picard: Drat. He's already asleep. Worf, go wake him up so we can do it right.


Picard: So since we can't find out why people are going into comas, we've decided to execute all of you.
Jev: Woah, wait, can't we prove our innocence?
Picard: Well, I don't know. Worf's been sharpening his knives all morning.
Jev: Please? Can't I probe Counselor Troi first?
Picard: Er, what do you mean by probe?
Jev: The normal meaning.


Tarmin: Sorry about Jev. I thought he was just addicted to porn.
Picard: It's okay. No harm done.
Troi: TWITCH.
Riker: TWITCH.
Crusher: TWITCH.


Hilarious! :D


Also...

Inad: We are compiling a list of races' memories to put in our Great Library in Ullandria.


Founded by Ullander the Great, no doubt. ;)


It was a horrible episode, but at least it gave us a brilliant fiver! :D

[Nic Corelli]

Annnnnnd... The Outcast

Captain's Log: We've been called to look for a missing shuttlecraft by the J'naii. Like the Federation flagship has nothing better to do than to look for a missing shuttlecraft.

Picard: On screen, Mr. Data.
J'naii: On screen? Why didn't WE think of that?
Worf: There is nothing out there.
Troi: I sense there is something missing.
Picard: Does anyone else have something to add?
La Forge: (over the comm) I'm giving up on shaving, Captain.
Riker: Maybe we could, um, scan for it?
Picard: Hmm....


Now this was simply hysterical, :D :D :D

Soren: Oh no! The shuttle's engine wanked out! We'll be killed!
Riker: And Geordi will be the bearded one on the Enterprise? NO!
(Riker pulls off fancy flying move)
Soren: Oh Will, my burly beardy hero....
Riker: Oh Soren, my anatomically neutral sheet warmer....


Geez, Riker would go for almost anything. Female, both female and male, neither... :twisted:

La Forge: So if you were to be, I dunno, killed, when your shuttle's engine wanked out, I could grow my beard.
Riker: That's exactly what I'm saying.
La Forge: Have a nice flight, Commander. (cackling evilly)



Very funny!


Man, I love fivers. :D