December (COUGH) 19

[Zeke]

Welcome to 5MV's 4.5th-anniversary event: Voyager Week (../news/vw.html)! That article covers everything you need to know about the event, so make sure to read it if you're curious about our reasons, motives and such. Today's new content:
<ul>
We're starting the week off light with a no-fiver update -- after this it's two a day. So the first item today is a new Top 10 List by me: The Top 10 Differences Between Voyager and Season 3 of Enterprise (../top10/62.html).
The other item is the start of a new panel discussion! The two we've done before, Paneldemonium (../features/paneldemonium1.html) and Sleapers (../features/sleapers1.html), have been among our most popular events. You'll find this one a little different -- but no less of a fun ride. Read Voyagers, part 1: "Chairtalker" (../features/voyagers1.html), by me, and you'll quickly figure out what's going on. (There's a character in here that those in the know about 5MV's history will quickly recognize -- if no one in the comment thread recognizes him, I'll post myself and explain, so keep an eye on that thread.)[/list]


That's it for today, so all that's left is an apology for the delay. In a sense, it doesn't matter -- I don't remember the exact birthday of 5MV, after all. But the 15th was basically made official last year, and I did say this would start on the 15th, so I'm sorry I missed the target. Strictly speaking, this shouldn't even be the 19th's update, but I'd like to end the week on Christmas, so I'm cheating a bit. That's good news for you, because it means you get Day 2 of VW in just a few hours!

[Anonymous]

That was quite entertaining. I think the delta/delphic connection was the funniest line in the Top 10 list.

By the way, the link on the front page leads to the wrong top ten list, and there's no link to the new list on the Top Ten table of contents.

[BR48]

That was me, by the way. Once again, I have been foiled by a lack of cookies.

[Zeke]

Thanks. Fixed the former, working on the latter.

[Sa'ar Chasm]

Man, this is bad. What did I ever do to deserve this?

(Three days ago at a Maquis base)
Cal Hudson: I need to go to the bathroom. Don't touch the weapons console.
Kira: Aye aye, sir!
(Hudson leaves. Kira stares at the button marked "Fire 600 warheads at Cardassia Prime." Her eyes shift back and forth.)

<snicker>

Zeke: Helping nature along?
IJD: It was this or hitting rocks with hammers for no reason.


I'd always wondered why prisoners did that.

Zeke: (looks around) Quite the little grove you've got here. Are these all --
IJD: Cedar, yeah.


This is worse than me and lemmings.

IJD: You mean Kira? She's probably in the Badlands. You know, Saskatchewan.


ZING! Strictly speaking the Badlands are in Alberta, but Kira couldn't be persuaded to move for the sake of that joke.

IJD: (squinting) I guess a gigantic spoon counts as something, yeah.


There is no...oh, never mind.

But our ship is in and out in five minutes.


Ooooh, *subtext*.

Zeke: (turns to the staff) Gentlemen, I'm afraid I've forgotten your names.
First Officer: Don't worry about it. We have years to get to know each other. I'm --


Dude! Careful! That's like saying you have a week until retirement in a cop movie.

Stadi: Yes, ma'am!
Zeke: It's not cross-dressing time yet, Ensign. I'll let you know when.


<snicker>

Tactical Officer: Sir! I'm detecting a wave. A displacement wave. A tetryon displacement wave.
Ops Officer: ...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope. Our four chief weapons....


Oy! That's my schtick! :P

Ops Officer: Okay, you've made that joke three times since the mission started, and I don't intend to listen to it for an entire tour of duty. I'm getting killed too. (nudges the ceiling, which gives way and crushes him)


Wasn't Harry the Ops officer?

In his situation, I'd probably choose death over bad jokes as well.

IJD: (checks) You'd better sit down for this.
Zeke: My chair is covered in sharp debris.
IJD: I know, it'll be funny.

<znerk>

Marc: I can see that. Very well, please line up in alphabetical order.


I see everyone's being drawn true to life here.

Marc: Yet again, for the first time, no one has remembered to turn me off.

'cause if they did, they'd have to turn him o--I don't think I'll finish that.

Farmer: Good girl, honey. Now give it to 'im.
(Sally rears back and whacks IJD in the face with the hoe.)


<snicker>

Zeke: The EMH? Yeah, they're still working on its personality. Ours is just a Marc one.


ARRRRGH! The puns, the puns, they hurt!

IJD: I'm in it for the EXP.


300 more and he'll be level 6.

Zeke: We're alone. In an uncharted part of the galaxy....


It's not uncharted, you lost the charts. Aw, Futurama.

Derek: Five of Five to Unicomplex. Mission complete. But I still don't understand why it was necessary to destroy that array and the smaller ship.


The plot thickens. Dun dun DUN DUN dun duuuuuuuuuuuuun.

Impressive piece of literature. Can't wait for part 2.

[evay]

IJD: Oh, and there's an array. (puts it on screen)
Zeke: Hmm. Doesn't look like an Array of Light.
IJD: Or an Array Charles.
Zeke: Or an Everybody Loves Arraymond.
IJD: Or Arrayed: Kills Bugs Dead.

'ray cool, man. 8)

Zeke: The EMH? Yeah, they're still working on its personality. Ours is just a Marc one.
ROFLMAO! Totally worth the wait for the payoff.

Banjo Man: It's one a' mah talents. Ah was class valee-dictoreean at the Wordy Bastards Hall a' Fame.
Unca Jim!

I know how hard it is to beat up a pilot episode, having done it twice in one parody, so -- BIG KUDOS!

woohoo! that was post 47! :mrgreen:

[Kira]

ZING! Strictly speaking the Badlands are in Alberta, but Kira couldn't be persuaded to move for the sake of that joke.
Edmonton and Calgary have IKEA, among other great shopping opportunities. It would take far less than you might think. ;)

[Ginga]

Zeke: I think you're a little too Young. (winks into the camera at the three VVS9 readers who get that)

Ooh, me, me! :wink:

Oh, man. You don't know how hard I was laughing through this whole thing. *applauds* I LOVE it! XD Can't wait for the rest. :3

And Voyager in the mirror universe is... :lol:

Marc: (over the comm) How about the Regayov?

[Scooter]

So great to see a new and hilarious feature. Great, great, knee-slapping kudos. Favorite lines include:

Marc: Please state that I'm a doctor, not a medical emergency.

and

Ops Officer: ...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope. Our four chief weapons....

*still chuckling*


ETA:
Marc: Ah. Tricorder.
(Officer 1 looks quickly around the room and finds only a spoon, which he hands Marc.)
Marc: (glaring) Medical tricorder!
Officer 1: There is no tr--


hee hee

[Nan]

Zeke: Look, mister banjo man....
Banjo Man: Fatherly Uncle banjo man.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Good times. :D

[Xeroc]

Awesome Zeke! :D

I Can't Wait for the Next Installment! (And the Rest of Voyager Week!)


Incredibly Funny Top Ten and Voyagers, Part 1!


(I'd quote, but then this topic would be as long as the published material by now. :))

[Hotaru]

I loved both! Excellent!

ZING! Strictly speaking the Badlands are in Alberta, but Kira couldn't be persuaded to move for the sake of that joke.
Edmonton and Calgary have IKEA, among other great shopping opportunities. It would take far less than you might think. ;)

Ikea? That store is like a square kilometre! And you can only travel in one direction! It takes 3 hours to pick up a pillow form! Ikea! BAH! Maybe the one in Edmonton is better but, wait, nothing is better in Edmonton, being as it is Edmonton. Calgary > Edmonton.

Well that's enough pro-Calgary stuff from me.

Once again, great stuff Zeke.

[Nan]

Ignore my bad math skills.

[Alexia]

Zeke: The EMH? Yeah, they're still working on its personality. Ours is just a Marc one.


ARRRRGH! The puns, the puns, they hurt!
So SO bad, it's actually good :wink:

Nicely done Zeke :mrgreen:

[admiral sab]

Quote:
Zeke: Look, mister banjo man....
Banjo Man: Fatherly Uncle banjo man.

By Nan:
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Good times.



Marc: (over the comm) How about the Regayov?
(Silence.)


Ahhhhhhhh even better times, Nan.


LOL I think I laughed the hardest at this line because of Zeke's reaction to Marc's line! lol anyways, good stuff all the way around. And who doesn't love a Fatherly Uncle Jim reference? ;)[/quote]

[KillerGodMan]

10. Voyager was in an unfamiliar and frightening area of the galaxy, while... hmm. Okay, forget that, let's try another one.

10. Voyager was alone, outpowered, and out of contact with Starfleet. Enterprise was... no, wait. Start over.

10. The captain of Voyager was pushed to her limits and made harsh choices the crew didn't always... hmm. Hang on.

10. Voyager's Starfleet crew had to integrate a group of outsiders with a different mindse-- arrgh. I'll get this.

10. The main enemy of Voyager was a ruthless alien empire which... incorporated various races into one... dammit!

10. Voyager's doctor was an eccentric... I mean, was the only one of his kind on the....

10. Voyager's first officer was played by a griping....

10. All right, I give the hell up. There are no differences.

10. For God's sake, Delphic even sounds like Delta!

And the number one difference between Voyager and S3 Enterprise....

10. And MACOs! Maquis! Come ON, people! Do you think we're stupid? That does it, I'm outta here.

HAHAHAHA! It's funny because it's true!

[evay]

Despite my attempt to prove otherwise (http://www.triphammered.com/index2.shtml), there are more...


Captain who's intermittently psychotic -- check

Captain who orders the death-by-medical procedure (which could be argued is an act of murder) of a "created" sentient being in order to restore the life of a more-beloved bridge officer -- check [Sim and Tuvix]

Bridge officer who's the scion of a military family but currently in paternal disfavor for not living up to the Admiral's expectations -- check

Constantly crashing shuttlecraft -- check

Guest appearance by Jeff Combs -- check

Guest appearance by a wrestler as an alien -- check (okay, Big Show was on ENT in S4)

[admiral sab]

I found a difference!

First officer on Voyager wasn't an emotionless..... oh crap.

Ok never mind.

[mudshark]

:D

All of it. Just brillo.

Banjo Man: It's one a' mah talents. Ah was class valee-dictoreean at the Wordy Bastards Hall a' Fame.
Unca Jim! Heh, yeah -- had the same thought..

[Celeste]

::Shakes::

Voy... voy....voyager week! Yippee! :D ::does the hustle and then licks Zeke::

[Kira]

::does the hustle and then licks Zeke::

Um... ew?

[Zeke]

Actually, Celeste, it was IJD's idea, so you should lick him. Just don't let his girlfriend find out.

[Celeste]

Okay! ::Tackles IJD::

[richardson]

Can I have some bad part to play? Maybe I can be the horrible cook this time....

[MaverickZer0]

Okay, so I guess I'm the...second person who got the VVS9 joke.

Just awesome. And I know I could think of something to say but it's only 1:00 and I haven't had lunch yet.

What?

[KillerGodMan]

Hmm... Could I have a cameo as A guy who likes ramming the Cube?

[Zeke]

No.

(Update: Day 2 is taking longer than I thought, but it should be posted by 8 EST. Then Day 3 will be the "in just a few hours" one since it's an easier update.)

[KillerGodMan]

No.

:cry: meanie! FINE! I'll just ram the Cube into Toronto! *rams the Cube into Thunder Bay* SHOOT! I missed!

[richardson]

Hey, you missed again. The cube is in my front lawn.

[PointyHairedJedi]

Zeke, I think you must be some kind of genius. An evil genius, to be sure, but a genius all the same. :D

[KillerGodMan]

Hey, you missed again. The cube is in my front lawn.

... that wasn't me, I ram the Cube, what is in you front lawn it The cube

[NeoMatrix]

Can we all have parts in Voyagers? Please :)

[Katy Jane]

Zeke: The EMH? Yeah, they're still working on its personality. Ours is just a Marc one.


*Head desk* :lol:


Great stuff Zeke. :D

[Zeke]

Can we all have parts in Voyagers? Please :)

Nope. Over 70% of it is already written, and besides, half of you guys are already involved in the eTrektion. You're getting whole candidate profiles out of that. There will be a couple of cameos, but not many.

[Wade, The Sane Commodore]

Zeke: The EMH? Yeah, they're still working on its personality. Ours is just a Marc one.

Greatest...Gag...EVER!

Funny story, back in the early '50s USS Wisconsin took her bow off with the help of a DE and a new one was retrofitted from the incomplete USS Kentucky. If you ever tour the Wisconsin you will see a hat in one of the displays that reads USS Wistucky BB 64 Mod 2.

...Well, I thought it was cute.

[Hotaru]

Can we all have parts in Voyagers? Please :)

Nope. Over 70% of it is already written, and besides, half of you guys are already involved in the eTrektion. You're getting whole candidate profiles out of that. There will be a couple of cameos, but not many.

If I'm even in it, you better not have anyone mistake me for a woman!

And I totally missed that Marc One pun. It's so funny and I missed it. I must reread it all!

[Ginga]

And I totally missed that Marc One pun. It's so funny and I missed it. I must reread it all!

Oh my God.

So did I, until you said that just now. :lol:

[Opium]

OOO! A new TopTenList! I love TopTenLists! This one was very funny!

[AKAArzosah]

...you get Day 2 of VW in just a few hours!


Uhuh. Sure.

But have this strong feeling that it will be worth the wait, like those first two.

[NAHTMMM]

Love the Top 10 List :D Great points there!


Unhappy with a new treaty, Federation colonists along the Cardassian border have banded together. Calling themselves "The Maquis," blah blah blah, it is a dark time for the Rebellion, something about taxation, blah blah Republic, blah.

...
(Hudson leaves. Kira stares at the button marked "Fire 600 warheads at Cardassia Prime." Her eyes shift back and forth.)

...
Kira: Bet you won't fly right into a plasma discharge.
Gul Evek: YOU'RE ON!
:lol:

Zeke: (extends hand) ... I'm here to offer you a deal.
IJD: I like my current long-distance provider fine.
...
Zeke: And the original series Season 3 DVD set.
IJD: (awestruck) But... but that's not out yet!
Zeke: Maybe in the Maquis you had to wait for the release date. We Starfleet officers have salaries, and what else are they going to pay us with? So, do we have a deal?
IJD: I will actually kill you if we don't have a deal.
Bwahahaa! :D

Zeke: What is this, McCarthyism?
Ops Officer: Okay, you've made that joke three times since the mission started, and I don't intend to listen to it for an entire tour of duty. I'm getting killed too. (nudges the ceiling, which gives way and crushes him)
ROFL! :lol:

Marc: Ah. Tricorder.
(Officer 1 looks quickly around the room and finds only a spoon, which he hands Marc.)
Marc: (glaring) Medical tricorder!
Officer 1: There is no tr--
:mrgreen: :mrgreen:

Zeke: You know, this is exactly how first contact with the Klingons went wrong.
Heheh, probably true. ;) Hilarious stuff there.