Block 26 - He won't make it

[Zeke]

I'm about to be mostly offline for a few days, so I figured I really ought to get FBC up and running again first. What's more, I just saw The Matrix Reloaded, so I can return to the original film with a better appreciation of how good it is. Memo to Hollywood: I don't care how much money the first movie makes, your writers still need an editor. Giving them free rein is a recipe for disaster. DISASTER I SAY.

Anyhow, Block 26. Trinity and Neo have a quick exchange about his battle with the Agent and resulting shoulder wound. ("I've never seen anyone move that fast." "It wasn't fast enough.") They commandeer the felled pilot's helicopter; Trinity gets a brain download to teach her how to fly it. Moments later, the helicopter is right outside the window of the room where Smith is interrogating Morpheus. Before the Agents can react, Neo has shot them down with the helicopter's machine gun. Morpheus, seeing his chance, makes a supreme effort of will -- he gets up, snaps his handcuffs, and leaps to the helicopter. He's still weak, however, and can't make the jump. Neo was ready for this; harnessed to the chopper with a rope, he leaps out and intercepts Morpheus in midair.

Trinity starts flying them to safety, but Smith has now recovered enough to take a few shots at them, and he gets lucky, hitting the fuel tank. The chopper loses altitude fast. Trinity manages to set Morpheus and Neo down relatively safely on a rooftop; she can't save the chopper, but she pulls off a last-second escape by leaping out, grabbing Neo's rope, and shooting (!) the end that's attached to the chopper just as it crashes into a building. Neo manages to hold his end steady as Trinity swings hard into the building he's on, shattering the windows. He pulls her up to safety.

The thing about this block is that it's almost all action. There are various different ways to tackle an action sequence in a fiver, so I'm not going to suggest any particular number of scenes; if you're not sure how to proceed, think of an action sequence from Trek and see how the relevant fiver handled it. Synopsis is here (http://www.hackvan.com/pub/stig/scripture/matrix/31-gotcha.txt) and here (http://www.hackvan.com/pub/stig/scripture/matrix/32-rooftop-rescue.txt).

[Gatac]

Neo: I try to dodge, but I get shot.
Trinity: I try to fly a chopper, but I get shot.
Morpheus: I try to jump to safety, but I get shot.
Agent Smith: What did you expect? We're Aimbots.

Trinity: You know what I hate most about flying? Crashing.
Neo: Behold as I casually bend the laws of physical reality by...grabbing this rope. Good God, I suck.
Morpheus: And don't you forget it.
Trinity: Could somebody pull me up? Pretty please with a cherry on top?

Very early first draft.

Gatac

[Derek]

Gah. I hate action scenes.

Neo: Hey, look. A helicopter! If only we knew how to fly it....
Trinity: (over the phone) Tank, I need a pilot program for the helicopter.
Neo: Wait, he can upload instructions on how to fly a helicopter to someone?
Trinity: Well, yeah, what have you been asking him to send to you?
Neo: Porn, mostly.

(Or replace porn with something else, if desired.)

[NeoMatrix]

Trinity: Hey Tank, I need a pilot program for a really cool helicopter.
Tank: Coming right up!
Neo: Oh, can you tell him to install a really big gun on it?
Trinity: Sure, anything for you to play with.

Neo: Hey Guys, I got me a new toy
Agent Smith: Oh CrapCrapCrap *Gak*
Morpheus: Ok, who let him have that?

Morpheus: I will now become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
Neo: Hercules! Hercules!
Trinity: Who?

Morpheus: Catch me!
Neo: Gotcha
Trinity: Save me!
Neo: Ok
Building: Save me!
Neo: Sorry

[Karen's Ziti]

TRINITY: Tank! I need instructions on how to fly a helicopter, pronto!
TANK: *over the phone* Ok, then. Chapter One: You and the Friendly Skies. While birds may be the masters of the sky, us humans have found a way to become like birds. One of the easiest ways to do this is by flying a helicopter. The history of helicopter aviation is a long, complex and somewhat boring story. And here it is. When the first would be aviator, Shamus McGee gazed into the sky, he first thought. "Hmph, it might rain today" And that was his subsequent second thought. And his third. And then he got tired for awhile and took a nap. While he was dreaming, a vision came to him--
TRINITY: JUST DOWNLOAD THE FREAKIN FILE ALREADY BEFORE I COME BACK THERE AND RIP YOUR EYES OUT!!!!!

[Standback]

I like Derek's porn download block... :)

Trinity: The way you dodged that Agent's bullets... I've never seen anybody move so fast.
Neo: That's because I used amphetamines!
Trinity: You did what?
Neo: I mean, um, the Power of the Matrix. Yeah.

Neo: I don't think buildings are supposed to ripple like that when you crash helicopters into them.
Morpheus: That's only because you've never crashed a helicopter into a building before.
Neo: Point.

Neo: Oh, Trinity! Thank god you survived the helicopter crash!
Hundreds of People In The Building Killed in the Crash: Don't mind us! We could've been taken over by Agents anyway!

[NeoMatrix]

Trinity: Oh Neo, my hero.
Neo: Oh it was nothing. (Aside) Tank, thanks for the Superman upgrade.

or

Trinity: Oh Neo, my hero.
Neo: Oh it was nothing. (Aside) Good thing Superman called in sick today.


Trinity: Thanks for the lift.
Neo: How could you? You missed my office building by a mile!

Neo: You flew...right into that building!
Trinity: No, that was falling, with style
Neo: To infinity and beyond!
Morpheus: *Shakes off the medication* Did I miss something? I thought I heard a buzz from a lightyear away.
Neo: *Woody Joke omited*

(Optional Addition)
Toy Alien: Look, he is the one!
Other Toy Aliens: Oooo!

[richardson]

the superman stuff sounds good, but the toy story references just don't quite seem to jive with me.

How about something like:

Neo: I hate it when bullet time engages.
Morpheus: I hate it when my ride crashes
Trinity: I hate it when you two complain too much to SAVE ME!
Neo&Morpheus: Sucks to be you.

[Standback]

In Block 27, NeoMatrix and Derek posted helicopter blocks worth considering:

Neo: Have you ever seen a helicopter blow up in slow motion?
Morpheus: Yes, but you might want to hold on to that rope.
Neo: Why? *Neo gets pulled away by the rope*

Morpheus: Have you ever seen a helicopter blow up in slow motion?
Neo: Why? Will the building it crashes into blow up in concentric circles?
Morpheus: Don't be silly. How is that even --
(BOOM!)
Morpheus: Never mind.

[NAHTMMM]

Agents Jones, Brown, and Smith: GAK!
Morpheus: Noooo! Now I won't get that red M&M I was promised!


Neo: Quick, Morpheus, come over here and escape!
Morpheus: HA! Nice try, but you won't fool *me* that easily.
Neo: Wha...? Oh, fine. *ahem* Neo says to come over here and escape.
Morpheus: Coming.

[Standback]

Trinity: Neo... I've never seen anyone move that fast.
Neo: Sugar overdose. It makes me-- Oooooo! A helicopter! With a machine gun!

And the highly unlikely:

Neo: Hey, Trinity, killer paraboloid impression!

[Pteryx]

Trinity: Neo... I've never seen anyone move that fast.
Neo: Sugar overdose. It makes me-- Oooooo! A helicopter! With a machine gun!

That looks like a good start for this block, so I'll work with it:

Trinity: Neo... I've never seen any human move that fast.
Neo: Sugar overdose. It makes me-- Oooooo! A helicopter! With a machine gun!
Trinity: Tank, upload chopper lessons to me.
Neo: And gimme that shooting gallery program while you're at it!
Trinity: Umm...

Of course, I need a better idea for line 4 of this version, I think... basically he should be asking for something related to the gun and not suitable to put in a child's hands in this situation. -- Pteryx

[Pteryx]

Ooh, I just thought of another variation.


Trinity: Neo... I've never seen any human move that fast.
Neo: Sugar overdose. It makes me-- Oooooo! A helicopter! With a machine gun!
Trinity: Tank, upload chopper lessons to me, quick!
Tank: OK, here! ...Hey, wait, won't that mean Neo's the one manning the gun?
Trinity: Crap.

[NeoMatrix]

Trinity: Neo... I've never seen any human move that fast.
Neo: Sugar overdose. It makes me-- Oooooo! A helicopter! With a machine gun!
Trinity: Tank, upload chopper lessons to me.
Neo: And gimme that shooting gallery program while you're at it!
Tank: I sure hope your aim is better than your acting

[Standback]

Vote time!

I'm leaning towards any one of the following:

Derek's Porn Block:
Neo: Hey, look. A helicopter! If only we knew how to fly it....
Trinity: (over the phone) Tank, I need a pilot program for the helicopter.
Neo: Wait, he can upload instructions on how to fly a helicopter to someone?
Trinity: Well, yeah, what have you been asking him to send to you?
Neo: Porn, mostly.

Derek's Concentric Block:
Morpheus: Have you ever seen a helicopter blow up in slow motion?
Neo: Why? Will the building it crashes into blow up in concentric circles?
Morpheus: Don't be silly. How is that even --
(BOOM!)
Morpheus: Never mind.

Standback's Sugar Block:
Trinity: Neo... I've never seen anyone move that fast.
Neo: Sugar overdose. It makes me-- Oooooo! A helicopter! With a machine gun!

[Xeroc]

I like the "Sugar" block the best, with the concentric circles my second favorite.

[Pteryx]

Some variation on the sugar block, whether it's the original two-liner or an extended one with an upload joke. -- Pteryx

[KillerGodMan]

Trinity: Uh-Oh (crashes)
Morpheus: Um... the ripple thing was cool and all, but don't you think we should get out of here before the chopper BLOWS UP?
Trinity: Ok, ahhhh! Save me!
Neo: *sigh* Tank, I need a Superman upgrade

[NAHTMMM]

I like the "Sugar" block the best, with the concentric circles my second favorite.
I concur.

[PointyHairedJedi]

I like the "Porn" block myself, but if the majority like the "Sugar" block then I'll go with that one.

[KillerGodMan]

sugar it is, I guess

[Gatac]

I'm throwing my vote at the short two-line sugar block. The joke's just perfect in its brief form.

Gatac

[Gatac]

So, is this settled, then?

Gatac

[whoiam]

I'm surprised noone followed pteryx's suggestion of using the sugar block to replace the first line of the porn block... something like this:

Trinity: Neo... I've never seen anyone move that fast.
Neo: Sugar overdose. It makes me-- Oooooo! A helicopter! With a machine gun!
Trinity: (over the phone) Tank, I need a pilot program for the helicopter.
Neo: Wait, he can upload instructions on how to fly a helicopter to someone?
Trinity: Well, yeah, what have you been asking him to send to you?
Neo: Porn, mostly.

would be the literal form... though I'd prefer to do it more like this:

Trinity: Neo... I've never seen anyone move that fast.
Neo: Sugar overdose. It makes me-- Oooooo! A helicopter! With a machine gun!
Trinity: (over the phone) Tank, I need a pilot program for the helicopter. And tranquilisers for Neo.
Neo: Wait, you mean that upload thing can be used for something useful?
Trinity: Wait - have you been getting Mouse's archives uploaded to you by mistake?
Neo: ...maybe...

[KillerGodMan]

^ I LIKE it!

[whoiam]

yeah, but which one? *prepares to take notes*

[PointyHairedJedi]

I think that first one works reasonably well.

[NeoMatrix]

First one is good

[KillerGodMan]

agreed

[Gatac]

I concur.

Gatac

[Pteryx]

An excellent combination indeed. :) -- Pteryx