June 29

[Zeke]

It's Day 15, so welcome to Week 3 of Cliffhanger Week! (Wait...)
<ul>
First up is the conclusion of my TNG fiver: "Descent II (../nextgen/fiver.php?ep=descent2)" by me. By the way, I forgot to mention yesterday that both parts draw on past TNG fivers such as Marc's "I, Borg (../nextgen/fiver.php?ep=iborg)", Derek's "Brothers (../nextgen/fiver.php?ep=brothers)", and my "The Best of Both Worlds (../nextgen/fiver.php?ep=thebestofbothworlds)." You'll get more out of "Descent" if you reread them.
And let's not forget the Occupation Arc. Today we've got -- wait a sec. Where's the file? No, wait, here it is! It was hidden "Behind the Lines (../ds9/fiver.php?ep=behindthelines)." This one is Derek's contribution to the arc, and the last of the seven (!) DS9 fivers he wrote for this event. (His S7 two-parter from the subsite anniversary earlier this month was transferred over from CW.)
I just realized I owe Marc and IJD an apology. I completely forgot that they both have several months on Kira in terms of official involvement with 5MV. I'm just in the habit of listing us in that order -- Zeke, Kira, Marc, IJD, Derek. Anyway, right day or wrong, here's Kira's First Fiver Retrospective (../features/ffrkira.html), looking back on "Concerning Flight (../voyager/fiver.php?ep=concerningflight)." (True story: In the first draft, Kira herself was the one thrown out the airlock in the last scene. I made her change it because I have a policy of saving "meta" stuff like author cameos for very special occasions. Little did I know that Kira's first fiver would eventually be a special occasion.)[/list]


Be here tomorrow for Day 16 or I'll put a hex on you.

[Derek]

Transporter Chief: "Stat"?
You can take the Doctor out of the Sickbay, but you can't get the Doctor off the Bridge.
Picard: Data, don't you see what's happening? Lore is controlling you with the power of the One Chip! Didn't you One-der why these Borg call him the One?
How does someone oh-nee-der something?
Data: The chip was damaged in the fight. I am not sure what to do with it.
La Forge: Bet you can't eat it.
Data: Pardon me?
La Forge: Bet you can't eat just the One Chip.
Hilarious! Excellent conclusion, Zeke!

And excellent rules, Kira. Rule 24 is of course the ruling rule. But where was Rule 47?

[PointyHairedJedi]

It eloped with Rule 42 last week. I heard they're in Quebec somewhere.

I suspect that some of these jokes were too subtle for me, but I enjoyed the fivers nonetheless (and the reetrospective too, of course). A question, Zeke - will we being seing more of these once this event has finished? Oh, and did you get my PM okay?

[Xeroc]

:D Absolutely Hilarious!


Zeke, now we know where all that content has been going for so long! :D


This is no week event! ;)

[mudshark]

Oh boy ...

Riker: Oh, leave Anthony and Blucas.
Crusher: Why?
Riker: To look for me and Worf. There's a joke here, but I'm missing something important, I think.
Taitt: But sir, your orders --
Crusher: Please. I may not know much about command, but I know you don't follow orders. :D
Taitt: Thank you, sir! Say, with almost all the crew back on board, isn't it funny that no one's come to try and replace you?
Crusher: They're afraid of ripping off "The Arsenal of Freedom."
Taitt: Ah. Heh heh heh.
Riker: So your individuality swept through the Borg like a virus?
Hugh: As a virus. It came in an email attachment called 1STPRSN.EXE. It left us confused, defenseless, wishing we had some sort of Queen to tell us what to do. Then Lore came.
Worf: And you made him Queen?
Hugh: Yes. He promised that we would be the champions. Hee hee.
Conn Officer: But... but that heading takes us straight into the sun! We'll melt!
Crusher: Oh, I think we'll survive. I have my suspicions. Heh.
Hugh: Lore said he could bring us to a state of perfect artificiality. He's been performing experiments on innocent Borg.
Worf: What innocent Borg?
Riker: (Shh! Diplomacy, diplomacy!)
[ ... ]
Worf: Innocent Borg. Riiiight.
Riker: That's it, you're demoted to Ensign.
--------------------
Hugh: You saw those innocent Borg. Half of them don't even have hands anymore.
Worf: (mutters)
Riker: I heard that, Cadet. :mrgreen:
Picard: You must realize that Lore's orders are wrong, Data. Apples deserve to live free, like the people of Gamma Trianguli VI. Just watch out for the rocks.


Sisko: So my plan is to take the august Defiant through the Argolis cluster.
Ross: Fortunately, it is August since we've been at war for these past three months.
Sisko: Would everyone please STOP DOING THAT! Besides, it's more like four months now. Hee hee hee.
Ross: Geez. You're really defiant today, Ben.
Sisko: Hey! Don't take the ship's name in vain! :D
O'Brien: You're supposed to call her Captain since she's in command.
Nog: Really? So what would you call a cadet who heroically takes command of the ship during a skirmish and single-handedly wipes out the Dominion threat?
O'Brien: Delusional. :snicker:
Worf: (over the comm) So when's the Defiant coming back with my honey?
Sisko: You do realize the Defiant's been attacking the Dominion, not beekeeping in New Zealand?
Worf: Really? That's the last time I look up the Defiant's orders from a search engine. *whooshing sound as joke sails over mudshark's head*

Could be I haven't watched enough Buffy and Angel -- seems to be more than a little of that here.


Rule Twenty-Four: Feel free to break any and all rules in the name of a good joke. Good rule from one who learned it early and well. :D

[Derek]

Riker: Oh, leave Anthony and Blucas.
Crusher: Why?
Riker: To look for me and Worf. There's a joke here, but I'm missing something important, I think.
Same here. Blucas makes me think of Riley from Buffy. Anthony for Giles? But what's the connection between that and finding Riker and Worf? I'm not sure.

Worf: (over the comm) So when's the Defiant coming back with my honey?
Sisko: You do realize the Defiant's been attacking the Dominion, not beekeeping in New Zealand?
Worf: Really? That's the last time I look up the Defiant's orders from a search engine. *whooshing sound as joke sails over mudshark's head*
That joke came from Interview with a Search Engine (http://www.satirewire.com/features/satire-jeevesinterview.shtml), which was actually linked to from 5MV back on Nov 16, 2003 (though I'd seen it before then).

[Zeke]

Riker: Oh, leave Anthony and Blucas.
Crusher: Why?
Riker: To look for me and Worf. There's a joke here, but I'm missing something important, I think.

I just needed two random officer names. Anthony and Blucas are, of course, famous Marcs. :mrgreen:

(Remember, this was written for the 5MNG anniversary. Both this bit and Ensign Richard in the first part were tips of the hat to Marc.)

[mudshark]

Worf: (over the comm) So when's the Defiant coming back with my honey?
Sisko: You do realize the Defiant's been attacking the Dominion, not beekeeping in New Zealand?
Worf: Really? That's the last time I look up the Defiant's orders from a search engine. *whooshing sound as joke sails over mudshark's head*That joke came from Interview with a Search Engine (http://www.satirewire.com/features/satire-jeevesinterview.shtml), which was actually linked to from 5MV back on Nov 16, 2003 (though I'd seen it before then).Okay, I had to have seen that, but I wasn't retrieving anything from internal archives. Funny to read it now.
Riker: Oh, leave Anthony and Blucas.
Crusher: Why?
Riker: To look for me and Worf. There's a joke here, but I'm missing something important, I think.I just needed two random officer names. Anthony and Blucas are, of course, famous Marcs. :mrgreen:

(Remember, this was written for the 5MNG anniversary. Both this bit and Ensign Richard in the first part were tips of the hat to Marc.)Ahh. I'd figured that Ensign Richard was a reference to Marc. For the above, I knew that there was a Marc Blucas but, for whatever reason (brain-fade, most likely), didn't think of Marc Anthony, and was trying to make it work some other way.

[Marc]

I knew that there was a Marc Blucas

Who?

[Alexia]

Rule Thirteen: Little old ladies are inherently funny, just like ninjas, rhinos, brocolli, and chainsaws.
How true *nods*

[Sa'ar Chasm]

Data: Indeed you are, Geordi. Take 'em away, Borgs!

*g*

Taitt: There's a ship coming in. Seems friendly enough.
Crusher: What? That's the Borg ship that was attacking those colonies!
Taitt: No no, that can't be a Borg ship. It's too geometrically complicated.

I want to see a Borg ship shaped like a d20 (icosahedron)

Data: La Forge, give me your visor.
La Forge: Why?
Data: So I can whack Picard with it.

It's so much easier just to say "IJD? Hammer."

Troi: Didn't Dr. Soong have a poem about that chip? Something like "Chip of wonder, chip of might... chip to succour Data's plight...."
Picard: I fail to see how that's relevant.
La Forge: Wait! Chip of might? That's it! A kedion pulse might be able to reactivate Data's ethical programming! Brilliant, Deanna!
Troi: Ha. Sign labelled "See," my @$$.

*snicker*

Worf: And you made him Queen?
Hugh: Yes. He promised that we would be the champions.

*g*

Crusher: This was a great idea, hiding from the Borg ship on the opposite side of the planet. They won't notice us for a good minute or so. Start beaming up the leftovers!
Transporter Chief: (over the comm) We can't. They're on the opposite side of the planet.
Crusher: ...Oops.
Transporter Chief: And by the way... "stat"?

Running gags *g*

Hugh: You saw those innocent Borg. Half of them don't even have hands anymore.
Worf: (mutters)
Riker: I heard that, Cadet.

See previous.

Taitt: I have an idea. When they follow us into the sun... we hit them with it!
Crusher: How?
Taitt: I dunno, gravity or something. Leave the technical stuff to me.

Apparently it also draws from Redemption.

Picard: What does Lore want with me?
Data: He said something about target practice. I expect he will send me for an apple shortly.
Picard: You must realize that Lore's orders are wrong, Data. Apples deserve to live free, like the people of Gamma Trianguli VI.
Data: I... I feel....
Picard: More ethical?
Data: Hungry. Stop talking about apples.

*snicker*

O'Brien: Here's the phaser bank's power cell from when we blasted "Kilroy was here" on that moon.

We're a little confused as to why they started to spell it "CHA".

Dax: How're the repairs going?
Nog: Just fine, Commander.
O'Brien: You're supposed to call her Captain since she's in command.
Nog: Really? So what would you call a cadet who heroically takes command of the ship during a skirmish and single-handedly wipes out the Dominion threat?
O'Brien: Delusional.

Hah!

Kira: Rom! Abort! Odo's gone bad! I knew I should've checked his expiration date.
Rom: Don't worry. Disabling alarms is no big whoop.
Alarm: WHOOP! WHOOP! WHOOP!
Rom: Never mind.

Looks like it was three big whoops.

Rule Six: If there's a second thing we've learned from Uncle Jim, it's that Harry is an incompetent weenie who will never get the girl. As usual, Uncle Jim is right.

But there is no Rule 6!

Rule Twelve: When in doubt, reference The Simpsons.

Or Star Wars or Lord of the Rings or Monty Python or...

Rule Thirteen: Little old ladies are inherently funny, just like ninjas, rhinos, brocolli, and chainsaws.

Everything's funnier with monkeys.

Rule Seventeen: When possible, avoid using jokes too similar to the actual dialogue of the episode.

Yeah, it's really annoying when the episode writer beats you to the joke.

Rule Twenty-Three: If you're going to comment on the episode, be subtle. Unlike the above. However, throwing people out of airlocks is always funny.

Agreed.

Good stuff, all.

[Gatac]

Big Whoop? That's gotta be a Monkey Island 2 joke. Also:

I want to see a Borg ship shaped like a d20

Borg: Resistance is...(rolls ship, comes up 1)...not very futile at all. *sigh*

Gatac

[evay]

I knew that there was a Marc Blucas

Who?

The actor who played Buffy's boring S4 boyfriend Riley.

[Sa'ar Chasm]

Wait, is that the guy who let vampires use him as a cocktail bar?

[evay]

yep, that's the one. As much spark as a wet dishrag.

[NAHTMMM]

Riker: Oh, leave Anthony and Blucas.
Crusher: Why?
Riker: To look for me and Worf.
Wise idea. ;)

Data: Winston Churchill you are not.
Lore: Of course not. I have better hair.
Heheheh. Love the stuff about the One Chip. ;)

Picard: I love how the Borg get stupider every season.
:mrgreen:

Fantastic stuff!



Ross: Geez. You're really defiant today, Ben.
Sisko: Hey! Don't take the ship's name in vain!
Heheh.

Weyoun: I'm quiet.
Dukat: I'm quieter.
Weyoun: I'm quietest.
Dukat: I'm quietest infinity.
Weyoun: Grrrr.
:mrgreen:



Rule Twenty-Four: Feel free to break any and all rules in the name of a good joke.
Oh good. The first 23 ruled out at least 90% of my comedic abilities... ;) Seriously, thanks for all the straightforward advice!

[Zeke]

I like Riley. He sure was a jerk in Season 5, though. That was the classic example of writers getting ticked at the fans for not liking a character. "Don't like Riley, huh? Fine -- we'll give you a reason to hate him."

[evay]

He wasn't dislikable per se, but compared to the rest of the cast he was just so boring. Maybe the actor would be better on another show. *shrug* I dunno, some people just have charisma and presence even without speaking, and some people barely part the atmosphere when they walk into a room.

[Scooter]

I like Riley.
Plus he sings "I'll take you home again, Kathleen" real pretty.