October 27

[Zeke]

Welcome to the relaunch of Five-Minute Smallville (../smallville)! With Season 5 upon us and Smallville one of the few shows we cover that are still running, it was high time to do 5MSV up proper. The subsite is now fully equipped with PHP, blurbs, and colour code. Over the next few days we'll be putting these features to use with a batch of new fivers, starting with these two:
<ul> "Arrival (../smallville/fiver.php?ep=arrival)," the premiere of Season 5; and
"Ageless (../smallville/fiver.php?ep=ageless)," third last episode of Season 4, and one of the absolute worst episodes of anything I saw last season. So clichéd. Soooooo clichéd. But I digress.[/list]
Both of these are by Derek, subsite head of 5MSV. Look for lots more from him in the remainder of this event, not to mention an FAQ and maybe a guest appearance or two. Up, up and away!

[Alexia]

not to mention an FAQ

An FAQ? Is that grammatically correct? I'm sick and I've had no sleep so I'm feeling critical. Sue me.

*is sure the fivers rock*

[Celeste]

::cough:: color ::cough::

[Sa'ar Chasm]

*cough*couleur*cough*

[Derek]

*cough*kahlua*cuogh*

And Alexia, I think it's grammatically correct on whether you say FAQ as a word ("fack") or as the letters (F-A-Q). If the former, then it's "a FAQ". If the latter, then "an FAQ".

[Sa'ar Chasm]

Evan: I'm going to die soon, aren't I? I'm never going to do anything, will I? I hate my life.
Clark: Well, you're a teenager all right. And with that attitude, you'll fit right in on the WB.
Evan: You're not my real father. I hate you!
Clark: That's the spirit!

Clark: So I found the father, but he's worthless.
Subliminal Message: Just like every biological father.
Lex: It doesn't matter. Evan's growing exponentially and his next change will age him a lot and also kill him and whoever's around him.
Clark: Wait, newborn, 7-year-old, 14-year-old... How is that exponential?
Lex: Shut up. I just read the lines they give me.

I'm surprised they didn't mention mysterious harmful radiation surges or pon farr.

Lana: Clark, are you okay?
Clark: Yep. Just don't think too hard about how I was able to survive. And don't think too hard about how I was able to get here without a car either.
Lana: No problem.

Is this show really that bad?

Lana: Sniff. Look at all this stuff of Evan's. It's so sad putting it all away.
Clark: When did he have time to get all this stuff?
Lana: Sniff. Look, he tried making a perpetual-motion machine, but all it does is go faster and faster.
Clark: Huh. I thought he was supposed to have been smart.

BWAHAHAHA! Geek humour.

Clark: Well, that was fun. Too bad I'll never have kids of my own.
Ma Kent: What? Why not?
Clark: Have you ever read "Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex"?

Larry Niven had waaaay too much time on his hands the day he wrote that.

[Derek]

Lana: Clark, are you okay?
Clark: Yep. Just don't think too hard about how I was able to survive. And don't think too hard about how I was able to get here without a car either.
Lana: No problem.

Is this show really that bad?
Yes, as I recall, Clark super-ran from Luthor labs to a windmill in a wide open field, sent Lana down from the top of the windmill, and stayed up there himself. After the boy exploded, he just walked up to Lana with his clothes in tatters.

Really, really pathetic.

[Sa'ar Chasm]

After the boy exploded, he just walked up to Lana with his clothes in tatters.

Y'know, if I were to read this out of context, I'd be rather baffled.

Really, really pathetic.

In that case, I'm ashamed to have it filmed in my province, although I have driven down the street in Langley that doubles for beautiful downtown Smallville. It looked like a street.

[Scooter]

Lana: Clark, are you okay?
Clark: Yep. Just don't think too hard about how I was able to survive. And don't think too hard about how I was able to get here without a car either.
Lana: No problem.

Is this show really that bad?
Yes, as I recall, Clark super-ran from Luthor labs to a windmill in a wide open field, sent Lana down from the top of the windmill, and stayed up there himself. After the boy exploded, he just walked up to Lana with his clothes in tatters.

Really, really pathetic.

The show is generally not terrible. But they've been worrying less and less about hiding Clark's abilities from Lana and the others. Part of this is from the rationalization that Lana has apparent accepted that there's something strange about Clark that he's unwilling to tell her, and after the second season she sort of gave up and stopped caring. Which, really, is indefensible and sloppy. The scene we're talking about here is one of the most egregious examples to date.