one-by-one 5-8 word story

[e of pi]

Talking about the speed of any other kind would be stupid.

[Xeroc]

As you all obviously already know. Meanwhile...

[e of pi]

back on the ranch, Farmer Bob was

[Xeroc]

baling hay out of some serious debt, when

[Chancellor Valium]

somebody sang "Remember

[Xeroc]

The People ... uh ...'s Names Who I've Forgotten The Words To This Song"

[e of pi]

, an old classic, but rarely played because

[Xeroc]

of the difficulty of sounding like you actually remembered the names, but were just faking it, going along with everyone else.

[Chancellor Valium]

"PENNSYLVANIA 6-5000!", shouted Gladys Stott from her window.

[Xeroc]

"Cork it!", shouted an angry neighbor back.

[Chancellor Valium]

"Cork it!", shouted an angry neighbor back.

"Pardon me, boy, is that the Chattanooga Choo-choo?", asked a passing idiot.

[Xeroc]

"No, that's over there about three miles, and then turn right on Wintervale", said a passerby.

[Chancellor Valium]

"Oh."

[Xeroc]

"Perchance do you have any spare pie?", asked a beggar.

[NeoMatrix]

"No, but I do have a spare tire" responded a passerby.

[Xeroc]

"Quack?", responded a nearby duck to the apparent lack of Q's.

[Chancellor Valium]

"Riiiight.", said wx^spam.

[Xeroc]

"Say, did we stumble into Alphabet Story by any chance?", said a passing forumgoer.

[Chancellor Valium]

Uncle Ugbug replied "I'm not sure I know.

[Xeroc]

"Really? That doesn't seem to help much.", replied the forumgoer.

[Chancellor Valium]

"I went down the St. James infirmary, saw my

[Xeroc]

brother, and decided to buy him some

[NeoMatrix]

those ice creme sandwiches that

[Chancellor Valium]

sold in Basin Street. St. Louis said that

[Xeroc]

it was a great place to live, but

[Chancellor Valium]

not much fun at weekends.

[Xeroc]

After all, the parties there are rather

[Chancellor Valium]

Tetris-orientated: lots of people singing Korobeyniki, and

[Xeroc]

Russian folk songs. Naturally, the whole mess led to

[NeoMatrix]

the return of Superman and his

[Xeroc]

incredible powers of mountain-moving ability.

[Chancellor Valium]

When the Shoe Event Horizon was reached, it

[Xeroc]

led to the utter and total collapse of

[NeoMatrix]

John's ego, but the good news is that

[Xeroc]

he didn't die again. Naturally, John decided

[NeoMatrix]

to eat some waffles for breakfast

[Chancellor Valium]

which slew him in the Glorious Waffle Revolution

[Xeroc]

of 5678. The waffles then went on to

[NeoMatrix]

win Super Breakfast Bowl XL against the

[Chancellor Valium]

Cereal Killers, who were well known for their

[Xeroc]

deadly crunchiness. The sugar content of

[NeoMatrix]

their gameplan was not enough to

[Xeroc]

completely foil the sugar cubists who

[Chancellor Valium]

, who wanted to steal the Orb of Useless Riddles,

[e of pi]

which contained bad jokes and other such fluff,

[Chancellor Valium]

and the Orb of Stupidity, which is also

[Xeroc]

higly valuable for reasons known to only

[Chancellor Valium]

Vedek Lunie, the well-known

[Xeroc]

obscure hyperphysicist of the third order of

[Burt]

Tesco. He was also the first person to

[Xeroc]

every buy creamed corn in a shrink-wrapped popsicle.

[Chancellor Valium]

This was to be unveiled in a grand

[Xeroc]

ceremony involving the greatest and fanciest

[Burt]

Egg Omelette ever. But there was a problem.

[Xeroc]

"Oh no! We're all out of

[Burt]

eggs! Clearly, we have a problem." Said Bob.

[Chancellor Valium]

"I have no strong opinion on this", said

[Xeroc]

Karl, as he didn't much care for

[Chancellor Valium]

Uncle Ugbug's new catchphrase: it was

[Xeroc]

really quite silly, as it said "

[Chancellor Valium]

I have no strong opinion either way, really."

[Xeroc]

In this way, he was really

[e of pi]

,really, really, really, really, really,

[Xeroc]

indecisive, as he just couldn't

[Burt]

Decide what in the hell to do. But

[Chancellor Valium]

Karl, on the other hand,

[Xeroc]

happened to be very decisive, as he

[Iceflavored IceCream]

decided to break into his neighbor's house and

[Xeroc]

steal all of his cream pies for his plans of

[Chancellor Valium]

CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIRS, which were very, very, very,

(Hey, IFIC! :D)

[Iceflavored IceCream]

sure of what to do so that

[Chancellor Valium]

they met in the basement of the United Nations

[Iceflavored IceCream]

and planned to reenact the vengeance of

[Xeroc]

the third armchairageddon of 2056.

[Chancellor Valium]

This was delayed by 30 seconds, because of

[Xeroc]

the hot pockets being finished.

[NeoMatrix]

When they were done eating their hot pockets,

[Xeroc]

the CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAIRS, decided that now was the time to

[Chancellor Valium]

dish up their delicious new soup,

[Xeroc]

which involved some of these ingredients:

[Chancellor Valium]

Tainted love, tetrahydrocannabinol, Sextus Roscius Amerius, Eye of

[Xeroc]

Laywer, Bottled Water, Extract of Granite, trans-3,4-dichlorobicylco[4.3.0]nonane, and finally

[NeoMatrix]

the secret ingredient that is to remain a mystery

[Xeroc]

for at least 47 soonoseconds. (Approximately 1/5 of "soon")

[e of pi]

However, after this time, the

[NeoMatrix]

ingredient disappers due to sudden consumption

[Xeroc]

by rabid anacondas. Unbeliveably,

[NeoMatrix]

they then also reappear during fertilization, which

[Xeroc]

takes place after the fermentation of

[NeoMatrix]

last night's meatloaf in the digestion chamber

[Xeroc]

of the five-legged carnivorous giant starfish.

[Chancellor Valium]

When Roscius here was in Ameria, while that

[Chancellor Valium]

starfish ate TopHatMan's lunch to stave off certain

[NeoMatrix]

redshirts with too many lines

[Chancellor Valium]

there was a sudden outbreak

[NeoMatrix]

of rednecks invading the star trek dominion

[Chancellor Valium]

of space, a confusingly named area, with nothing

[NeoMatrix]

on tv except reruns from Earth.