February 17

[Zeke]

Welcome to Day 2, the continuation of the beginning of the end of Five-Minute Star Trek. Due to some smart scheduling by IJD yesterday, the remaining days will feature one fiver from each season. Here's what's on tap today....
<ul> Five-Minute "Dagger of the Mind (../startrek/fiver.php?ep=daggerofthemind)," by Sa'ar Chasm;
Five-Minute "Metamorphosis (../startrek/fiver.php?ep=metamorphosis)," by Tarn-Vedra;
Five-Minute "Day of the Dove (../startrek/fiver.php?ep=dayofthedove)," by IJD;
and Minutemen, Part 2: "Trailerbound" (../features/minutemen2.php), also by IJD.[/list]
(Note: I know these last few updates have been mislabeled. I've been late making them and I didn't want that to mess up the schedule. I'll be sliding the next few updates earlier in the day till we're accurate again.)

[e of pi]

(Two crewmembers appear out of nowhere and remove three of the walls)

Derek: Might as well take the fourth too.

(You, the reader, sneak in and take the fourth)



Heh. And the Pokemon reference was....unexpected. What ever happenned to "I'd rather be trapped in an alterate universe than figure it out because of Pokemon"?

[Zeke]

That was Kira. She represents no one but herself. Besides, she claims Veronica Mars is smarter than her, and Veronica doesn't even exist.

[e of pi]

Ouch....that's a burn. (But to herself? Makes it worse.)

[ijdgaf]

(Two crewmembers appear out of nowhere and remove three of the walls)

Derek: Might as well take the fourth too.

(You, the reader, sneak in and take the fourth)



Heh. And the Pokemon reference was....unexpected.

Pokemon?

You heathen! Go play Earthbound! Right now!

[e of pi]

Then what was the battle sequence structured after? My sister's been forcing me to play it for her lately, so I would know.

[ijdgaf]

Contrary to popular belief, Pokemon did not originate turn-based RPG battles.

I have played very little Pokemon. I have played Earthbound however, which is where this is taken from.

[Zeke]

I have played Pokemon, so I get why you would have guessed that was the source, e. But this structure is common to many games (some predating Pokemon by far), and an Earthbound player will quickly spot more specific references here, such as the Greek-letter attack endings and the present the enemy leaves.

[ijdgaf]

And the protractor bit. That's stolen straight out of the game ;)

[Derek]

And the title, "Trailerbound," should be a hint too.

[Sa'ar Chasm]

Although that requires knowing about the existance of a game called Earthbound.

[Derek]

Tantalus Colony: It's merely an exercise in removing their socially unproductive habits and promoting a great social conformity.
Kirk: Are you trying to say that crated minds think alike?
Urge to kill: Rising.

Spock: A lot of sound and fury, but so far nothing of significance.
Heh.

Nice fiver, Sa'ar.

McCoy: The Commissioner's illness is progressing very quickly, Captain. Any minute, she could begin to hallucinate.
Commissioner: Frogs! Frogs everywhere, all over me! Get them off! FROGS!
McCoy: See?
Not her, the other one! Nice scene.

Spock: The universal translator is ready. I managed to program it to speak blob.
Kirk: Good. Listen, Companion, we want to leave paradise so we can die of old age.
Companion: Is that your final answer?
Kirk: Hmm... can we use a lifeline?
Companion: I'm sorry, time's up, but here's a consolation prize -- eternity on a planet of only men.
Kirk: COMPANIONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!
Heh.

Nice fiver, Tarn.

Kirk: Do you really have to ask?
Chekov: (gulp)
Poor Chekov. At least his shirt's yellow.

Kirk: Must... not... demonstrate... rage... with... drawn... out... speech... pattern....
Excellent.

Mara: --mmppffFHH!
Kirk: No, Chekov. Don't! It's too awkward for this series to tackle an issue like rape!
(Kirk slaps Chekov)
Spock: Captain, it's no use. He's reverted to a primitive, aggressive state. He's even begun singing the ancient battle chant of his people.
Chekov: (singing) Hey hey we're the Monkees....
Klingon war songs hold nothing over him.

Nice fiver, IJD. Nice panel too.

[Sa'ar Chasm]

Mara: Husband, these Federation cowards have tricked us all!
Kang: And this cake is dry! And horribly unjust!
Mara: Then it's settled -- we shall have our revenge!
Chekov: Man... what was I thinking when I volunteered my quarters for backup brig duty? All for a lousy rent discouyaaaAAAGH!

Poor Chekov. He's the O'Brien of TOS.

Captain's Log: Mmmmm.... justice.

GREAT justice.

Scotty: Any sign of the Klingons?
Sulu: No sir, all clear.
Scotty: Then what's that?
Sulu: That's just a diversion.
Dii'Virjun: Attack!

*blert*

*wiping off monitor*

Computer: Lifeform is pure energy of an unknown type. Potentially kinetic.

I always approve of science jokes. The fact that I'm about to disembowel you should not reflect on this. *g*

Spock: Um, that was an experiment. I was joking.
Kirk: Haha, good one! You die now.
(THUMP)

Captain's Log: I seem to have been asleep for several hours now. And I awoke with a strange craving for things that aren't justice cake.

*snicker*

Should this justice cake be something I recognise?

Kirk: So, we're going to try the intro for once? Alright. Space... the final fronti--
Woman: Waaa WAAAAAAAAAA waaa waaa waaa waaaaaaa...
Kirk: Ahem. As I was saying, these are the voyages of the Starship Enterpri--
Woman: Waaa WAAAAAAAAAAA waaa waaa waaa waaaaaa...
Kirk: Who are you?
Woman: Waa?
Kirk: See? This is why we always skip these.

This is the first time I've ever seen someone five the opening credits.

Spock: Before we go outside, let us make sure there is actually air to breathe.
Kirk: (whisper) Ladies and gentlemen, we've replaced Spock's tricorder with a Speak-And-Spell. Let's see if he notices.
Spock: Captain, the air outside is composed of nitrogen, oxygen, and COW.
Kirk: COW?
Spock: Yes, sir, so we can mooo-ve on out.

IJD, this is Vedra. Vedra, IJD. He'll be joining you in disembowelment today.

Kirk: Did anybody else feel that?
Spock: What, Captain?
Kirk: The cold breath of copyright infringement breathing down our necks.

Quick, disclaim things!

Companion: I'm sorry, time's up, but here's a consolation prize -- eternity on a planet of only men.
Kirk: COMPANIONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

This joke's getting a very thorough airing this week.

Well done, both of you.

(...lithospheric anomaly, indeed.)

[Derek]

This is the first time I've ever seen someone five the opening credits.
Well, there is "The First Duty" (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=thefirstduty).

[Sa'ar Chasm]

Urge to kill: Rising.

Turnabout is fair play.

Sa'ar Chasm wrote:
This is the first time I've ever seen someone five the opening credits.

Well, there is "The First Duty".

OK, the first time I've seen someone five the opening credits and theme song, and actually remembered it.

[ijdgaf]

Spock: Before we go outside, let us make sure there is actually air to breathe.
Kirk: (whisper) Ladies and gentlemen, we've replaced Spock's tricorder with a Speak-And-Spell. Let's see if he notices.
Spock: Captain, the air outside is composed of nitrogen, oxygen, and COW.
Kirk: COW?
Spock: Yes, sir, so we can mooo-ve on out.

IJD, this is Vedra. Vedra, IJD. He'll be joining you in disembowelment today.

Heh. Actually, that's my favorite scene. Go figure.

Noel: My God... Dr. Adams was left in the neural neutralizer by himself.
Spock: It appears he has been reduced to the lowest known form of intelligence.
Adams: For a limited time only! You not only get one bottle of MaxiClean-O-Glop, but two bottles of MaxiClean-O-Glop! But wait! There's more!
Noel: How horrible.

And your insanity characterization is terrific. I love that kinda stuff.

Oh, and "justice cake" is 100% made up by me. Mmmm....

[Sa'ar Chasm]

I just noticed this:

Poor Chekov. At least his shirt's yellow.

Poor Chekov. He's the O'Brien of TOS.

I'm starting to think that Derek and I may actually be the same person. This is getting eerie.

[evay]

IJD: You've been saying that since before Paneldemonium. See this mole on my forehead? It's an out-of-phase pinkie toe from fetal-IJD. I got it during Part 3.
:shock: Stephen King, red courtesy phone!

Scooter: Wait a second... Nods... Griffs... They're like Don Knotts and Andy Griffith!
Scooter: Suddenly none of this makes any sense. Paramount didn't buy Desilu until 1967, and they sold The Andy Griffin Show to CBS in 1960.
These were before my time, so which one is it?

Adam: Come and get it!
(A tall, shirtless blonde man
I was actually disappointed when this didn't turn out to be a He-Man crossover.


Kirk: And the dog?
Adams: He's mine. I call him Spot. History shows that those in charge of isolated commands benefit from having a pet canine.
:lol: ouch!

Spock: A lot of sound and fury, but so far nothing of significance. Apparently Dr. Adams is fond of chili.
YAY! It's BACK!

Spock: Captain, it's no use. He's reverted to a primitive, aggressive state. He's even begun singing the ancient battle chant of his people.
Chekov: (singing) Hey hey we're the Monkees....
hee hee hee that doesn't get mentioned nearly often enough.

[e of pi]

Andy Griffith. Now ask me how I know.

[evay]

Andy Griffith. Now ask me how I know.
How do you know?

[e of pi]

MiST3K, and I talk to my parents.

[Zeke]

Spock: A lot of sound and fury, but so far nothing of significance. Apparently Dr. Adams is fond of chili.
YAY! It's BACK!

Where did it go?

(You're gonna love today's Derek fiver....)

[mudshark]

Adams: Captain, I'd like you to meet one of our former inmates, now a counsellor here. Lethe, this is Captain Kirk from the Enterprise.
Kirk: Hello, Lethe. A former inmate? What were you like before you came here?
Lethe: I forget.
Kirk: And what made you decide to become a counsellor?
Lethe: I forget.
Kirk: ...What's my name?
Lethe: I forget. Heh heh heh. Clever. :D

A cloud alien and its drinking buddy make first contact. Kirk finds it kafkaesque. 8)


Edit:
Adam: So we have sabotaged the master tape!

Derek: But how is that possible? You wear no shoes. :D