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Block 24 - Guns. Lots of guns.
Smith continues to rant at Morpheus about how much humans stink. (Literally.) He hates the Matrix and is desperate to be free of it, which will only happen when Zion is destroyed. He demands the access codes.
Meanwhile, Neo and Trinity are gearing up with "lots of guns" to enter the Matrix. Trinity says no one's ever done anything like this before; Neo insists that that's why it's going to work. What follows is the most preposterously violent scene I think I've ever seen in a movie. Neo and Trinity massacre everyone on the ground floor of the building where Morpheus is being held. (The only explanation I can think of for killing all these innocent people is to prevent the Agents from using their bodies... you'd think they would have clarified that in dialogue.) Why they do this with ordinary guns rather than lasers or something, when they could easily create them, is left as an exercise for the viewer. Why their guns run out so fast is another exercise. Have I mentioned I hate this scene? Anyway, once everyone's dead they head for the elevator, which is probably a good place to cut off this block. Synopses here and here -- such as they are. These scenes are mostly action, not dialogue; as a result, I have no idea how many fiver scenes we want here. We'll learn by experimentation. |
Neo: (walking casually through the lobby as bullets whiz by him) I see the Agents have been hiring their security from the Stormtrooper Academy.
Neo: This is the biggest wardrobe I've ever seen. Trinity: When it's 2:00 where the shirts are, it's 5:00 where the pants are. Neo: What about the Sou'Westers? Trinity: 5:30. This only makes sense if you a) know that Newfoundland is half an hour ahead of the rest of the Maritimes (just to be different), and b) recognise the Sou'Wester as a distinctly Newfie article of clothing. |
Smith: I don't like it here, can I have the access codes?
Morpheus: Um, I'm thinking no! Smith: Aren't you supposed to be dazrd? Morpheus: Shh! That's only when the other agents are around! Neo and Trinity: Die! Diediediediediediedie! A bunch of SWAT guys: Super GAK! |
Agent Smith: This place stinks
Morpheus: Oops, I farted Neo: We need guns, lots of guns *Whoosh* Trinity: oOo a bazooka Neo: Warn me before you fire that thing or Neo: We need guns, lots of guns *Whoosh* Trinity: We need a plan, lots of plans Tank: Sorry, all out. Neo: Ok, this lobby is dull. Let's Redecorate! Trinity: What an explosive idea! Security Cops: GAK! Neo: That was easy, too easy. Computer: Level 1 complete Neo: How many levels are there? Trinity: 100, but don't worry, I have a cheatcode. *Tougher guards run in* Lead Guard: FREEZE! Computer: Level 2 Begin BAM! BAM! BANG! GAK! BOOM! Neo: The elevator is now out of service or Security Cops: GAK! Computer: Level 1 complete Neo: 1 level down and im out of ammo already Trinity: Who needs guns when you can kick them where it hurts Guard: FREEZE! Trinity: FREEZE THIS! Neo: Ouch, that's gotta hurt Neo: I thought you brought that bazooka? Trinity: I couldn't get it through security Neo: That sucks |
(Zeke: Don't ever watch Equilibrium. It's a good movie, but I doubt it'd be to your taste. :) )
Smith: I need the codes to Zion! Morpheus: Why? Smith: Can't get past the second boss. Morpheus: Ever tried the Drill Gun? Smith: Now there's an idea... Neo: Alright, two Micro-Uzis, two MP5Ks, a few Beretta 92Fs, a pair of Scorpion machinepistols... Trinity: Why so many guns? Neo: The "reload" key on my keyboard is stuck. Neo: I'd like a Morpheus To Go, please. Guard: Sorry, we're out of bagels. Neo: But your ad campaign... Guard: False advertising. Whatcha gonna do, kill us all? (Neo and Trinity clear the room at ludicrous speed.) Gatac |
(Later note: Yes, those are the guns that Neo uses in the lobby scene. He picks up an M16 from a fallen soldier, though.)
Gatac |
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SECURITY GUARD #1: Man, what a sweet gig. I’ve been here for years and the most we had to deal with was a miss-delivered pizza.
SECURITY GUARD #2: Yeah, we smacked him around good for that. SECURITY GUARD #1: Sure did. It’s been a nice job, but I’m finally retiring tomorrow. Just thank God everyday I made it through and my kids are-GAK! ALL SECURITY GUARDS: GAK! NEO: What do you think they were talking about? TRINITY: Your mother. |
AGENT SMITH: Human beings are a virus. And we are the Viagra.
MORPHEUS: What good does that do? AGENT SMITH: Well it turns Bob Dole into a dirty old man for starters... TANK: What do you need? NEO: Lightsabers. Lots of lightsabers. TRINITY: Sweet deal! I've always wanted to use one of these- GEORGE LUCAS: Copyright infringement alert! Hayden attack! HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN: *sobs* GEORGE LUCAS: Can't you do anything aside from cry? NEO: Nevermind, lets just go with guns. AGENT SMITH: I'm going to ask you nicely, this time. Give me the key to the Zion mainframe. MORPHEUS: Go jam it up your non-existent posterior. AGENT SMITH: Sigh. Ok, lets try a different tactic. You ever listen to K Billy's Sounds of the Seventies? RADIO: Yes I’m stuck in the middle with you . . . Stuck in the middle with you… MORPHEUS: Ah heck... |
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Smith: Look, would you two just leave us alone so I can rant at Morpheus about how much I hate this place? Brown and Jones: Eh? Smith: Er, I mean, go fetch the Comfy Chair. Brown: GASP! Use the Comfy Chair before using the Cushions? We've never done it that way before! Smith: Good idea. Fetch both. That ought to give me enough time. (This next one is meant as a follow-up to the end of my first suggestion in the previous block) Smith: *Sniff* You don't understand, Morpheus. You CAN'T understand what it's like to work in this miserable dead-end job, with no respect, no decent pay or vacation time, not even a coffee mug with the company's logo to call your own. Nothing but a bunch of smelly humans scurrying around mindlessly like so many microbes. It stinks. And I want out. But early retirement isn't an option for me while there's still work to be done. (and so on...) |
Agent Smith: Leave me with him, and bring back the PIE!
Morpheus: Not the PIE! Agent Smith: Yes, the PIE! Agent Jones: Shouldn't we start with the comfy chair? Agent Brown: Or perhaps the soft cushions? Agent Smith: Bring me the comfy chair, 2 soft cushions, and the PIE! Agent Brown and Agent Jones: *GASP* |
Trinity: Knock knock.
Guard: Who's there? Trinity: A pair of heavily armed people who are about to run roughshod over everybody in the room. Guard: Two heavily armed people who are about to run roughshod over everybody in the room who? Trinity: Sigh. He's even more clueless than you are. Neo: Er, thanks, I think. |
Smith: Come On Morpheus! I NEED the codes! I can't get past the level 7 boss!
Morpheus: Have you tried charging, running and dodging at the same time? Smith: No, so I'll hold you untill I do |
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! FBC is back, in style! Awright! :D Thanks so much, Zeke :)
Have been quiet over the last week thanks to mounting schoolwork and starting rehearsals as a Gilbert and Sullivan chorrister (yay me!). So it's about time I chip in: 1st Guard: Hey, what're you-- GAK! 2nd Guard: GAK! Other Guards: GAK GAK GAKGAKGAKGAKGAKGAKKITY-GAK!-GAK! Voiceover: MULTIKILL! NEO is on a RAMPAGE! Neo: Whoa! That shoot-out ruled! Trinity: Yeah, good job. If we hadn't taken them all out so quickly, they might have gone Agent on us or something. Neo: They might have wha--? Umm, yeah, exactly. Self-protection, right? |
Morpheus: Morpheus says to let Morpheus go free.
Agent Smith: Heheheh. Your follow-the-leader mind tricks won't work on *me*. Morpheus: Fine, whatever. Just don't whine about how humans stink. Agent Smith: If you insist. Morpheus: Ha! I didn't say "Morpheus says"! Agent Smith: GAH! I can't believe I fell for that! (Smith suddenly caring about "winning" is a bit nonsensical, but it could be fixed depending on which of his lines people would most want to keep ;)) |
Neo: Nice rack.
Trinity: The weapons, right? Neo: Close enough. |
I think it's time we started narrowing things down a bit. Which attempts do you folks like best so far?
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My favorites:
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Oo, I got sigged. Thanks, Standback. Glad somebody's reading the daily updates. ;)
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Well, it's a good line. :)
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