The Five-Minute Forums

I'm going to do this in reverse order, just because I can.

Quote:

Ma and Lois and Chloe: SURPRISE! Happy Birthday!
Clark: Wow. I don't know what's more pathetic: That you thought you could suprise a guy with X-ray vision and super-hearing, or that I apparently have only three people who care about me.
Ma Kent: Definitely the second one. By the way, here's a card from your father. He wanted to be here, but he's dead.

*znerk*

Quote:

Clark: Here's Lionel's office; let's search it.
Chloe: Clark! Security? The room probably has an alarm, let me disable it.
Clark: Isn't there security on the whole building? How'd we get past them?
Chloe: Who cares? We're already past them.

*cackle*

Quote:

Fine: Hey Lex. Have a drink from this possibly poisoned glass. Now, how come I've been taken out of the loop?
Lex: Well, the vaccine is ready, but I don't trust you, so let's have one of those verbal chess match thingies.
Fine: It'll end with me saying "Go on up, baldy!" and you breaking down into tears, so let's just skip that, okay?

Shouldn't he get eaten by a bear at this point?

Quote:

Lex: So Professor Fine, if that is your real name, here's the virus, but I've developed a vaccine to save humankind from it!
Fine: Who cares? I'm just injecting you.
Lex: Oh no! I didn't make a vaccine to save just me!

I don't know why, but I find this hysterical.

Quote:

Lois: So let me give you some advice on relationships. It's like money. You save it up to buy a bicycle, but when the time comes, you find out you have enough to buy a harlot.

*blink*

Quote:

Clark: Oh my gosh! It says "Zod is coming!"

Kneel before Zod!

Quote:

Clark: And why didn't you tell me about Lex and Lana?
Chloe: You know, honestly I don't think I'd win. You'd be mad at me if I did tell you, and you'd be mad if I didn't.
Clark: You think I get mad at you? That makes me ANGRY!

Go go Futurama reference! I think.

Quote:

Evil Mwahaha-Invisibility Villain: Hey, Clark. I see you didn't want my home theatre stuff so maybe there's something else you do want? Money? Power? Women?
Clark: No, just the satisfaction of knowing I did a good deed is payment enough!
Evil Mwahaha-Invisibility Villain: ...Acting lessons?

Zing!

Quote:

Lex: ERK! ACK! GAK!
Lana: Hey! Stop choking him!
Evil Mwahaha-Invisibility Villain: You know, I don't know why I had to be visible to choke him. Oh well.

He's like a Klingon bird-of-prey, he can't fire when cloaked. Or something.

Quote:

(LUB DUB! LUB DUB! LUB DUB!)
Clark: Excellent! I can hear his heartbeat! Now if I just filter it out from all the other heartbeats... Closer... Closer... HA! Got you! Wait, who are you?
Ben Finney: I am no one to be trifled with. That's all you ever need know.

*cackle*

Quote:

Mask-Guy: So you passed the first test. Now for the second test featuring special guest Martha Kent in a small room filling up with water! And all you have to do is solve this anagram!
Lionel: Okay, at this point, I think you're on the wrong superhero show. You want Batman.

*snicker* Too true.

Quote:

Mask-Guy: And now to reveal myself as the security sweeper from that one scene way back when!
Lionel: Oh no! Not you! Not -- who are you?
Mask-Guy: I don't know. Disgruntled person or something. The point is, I'm mad as hell and I'm all out of bubblegum so it's time to take out the trash!
(BOOM!)

This reminds me of a scene from the new Justice League cartoon.

Quote:

Lionel: Aaaah! Somebody saaaaaave me!
Clark: Sigh. I'll save you.
Lionel: Not well. I think this scene has the same physics problems that the Kirk-Spock mountain-climbing scene from Star Trek V did.

Care to elaborate? I love bad physics in the same way you love bad Superman-coming-of-age shows.