January 8 (FLASH: "Chain Lightning" in 30 Seconds)
 

<p>Welcome to 2007 at FiveMinute.net. There'll be a 2006-in-review article, but first I want to get some content out. Some really weird content.
<p>See, a while ago I discovered the wide world of comics blogs. (This is comic books, not comic strips or webcomics, although all three interest me.) There are some seriously hilarious ones out there; among the best is <a href="http://the-isb.blogspot.com/">Chris's Invincible Super-Blog</a> by Chris Sims. All you need to know is that this is the guy who likened reading a particular comic arc to "trying to pull yourself out of quicksand on a rope made of punches to the face." Because <i>that's how he rolls</i>.
<p>Anyway, a while back Chris posted a parody of DC Comics's maxiseries INFINITE CRISIS, done very much in FiveMinute.net's style -- except for the crayon, that is. He called it <a href="http://the-isb.blogspot.com/2006/05/infinite-crisis-in-thirty-seconds.html">INFINITE CRISIS in 30 Seconds</a>. It was a great success, so when the blog's second anniversary rolled around last week, he decided to celebrate with a contest. Readers were invited to come up with their own "30-seconders," and the winner would get stuff.
<p>Naturally, I couldn't pass that up. This sort of thing is my bread and butter -- except the drawing part, but that was <i>expected</i> to be bad. So while I didn't quite make the deadline for the contest part of things, I did create a submission, which I submit to you as well. Here's <a href="../comics/chainlightning.html">FLASH: "Chain Lightning" in 30 Seconds</a>. (Since we're not exactly a comics site, I've included some annotations in this update's <a href="http://community.livejournal.com/5mv/42740.html">LJ post</a> to explain what's going on.)
<p>Next update: stuff you've heard of!

Who's that guy between Adam Strange and Starfire supposed to be?

Huh? I didn't draw either of those.

Chris Sims did. In Infinite Crisis in 30 Seconds, the "Meanwhile in Outer Spaaaaace" panel. I was just curious.

Oh, that's Firestorm. (The new one, Jason Rusch. Ronnie Raymond was killed rather pointlessly in IDENTITY CRISIS.)

Crazy thought here, but does anyone have a comment on what <i>I</i> did?

Uh, yeah. That was...different. Ahem. :)

"A lot of a bunch of speedsters!" I'd have stuck a plethora joke in there, but then again, I'm the kind of loser that thinks that everything needs to have references to second-tier cult classics.

"Hey, look out for Cobalt Blue!" "Yeah, thanks!" I admit that this was pretty good. Sardonic, deadpan wit is always good.

Was that Time Paradox blue boot supposed to actually be somebody in the comic, or did you invent a personification of a trope?

"I set everything right, but it cost me my life. No, seriously. I mean it this time." Yes, he sounds ever-so convincing. ;)

The owner of the boot is the Anti-Monitor. The annotations explain what he was doing there. (They're pretty good annotations, IMO.)

I'm actually almost proud of the art. At least compared to my world-renowned <a href="../features">photo-manipulation skills</a>.

Almost proud of the art? Well, then I'm almost impressed by it. :)

(sound of crossbow bolts being drawn back)

Uh, yeah. Hey, look over there! What's that?

Sorry, Zeke. I don't like not getting comments on my stuff either, but I don't follow Flash comics, so I didn't really get the jokes until reading your annotations (except the Zod reference), at which point I got them, but couldn't quote them to let you know I got it since I didn't.

That said, your dialogue is witty, as always, and the art is clear and stylistically done well. I don't really recognize the characters since I don't read the comics, and in fact thought Panel 4's Flash was Jay Garrick. And I thought Bigfoot was a girl with the hair, but I'm sure that's just because I don't read the comics.

Well, you both made valiant attempts, and I appreciate it. :) It's fair enough. I can't go around making updates I know full well are really obscure and then complain when nobody gets them.

Hey, anytime.

Pretty much my reason for not commenting, as well. (Actually, I used to read comics, 'way back around the dawn of time, but hardly anyone has even seen those.) I simply haven't closely followed anything that's been going on in DC, Marvel, graphic novels, or any of that since about 1970, so a lot will just go right over my head.

Even so, Z., you put something up, and chances are pretty good I'll have a look, just to see what it is.

So in the final summation, I suppose the answer to "has the big Z finally flipped?" is no. Kudos, Zeke!

I haven't heard of most of those characters, to be honest. I know quite a bit about the Judge Dredd universe, but that's almost the absolute limit of my knowledge of comics. Knowing you, I'm sure it was terribly witty Zeke, but for me it was about the same as reading a Charmed fiver.

It must be nice to reach the point in your fiving career that everyone simply assumes that your material is funny. ;)