Yorkshiremen: The Game
You can probably guess the rules - it's basically the Four Yorkshiremen sketch from Monty Python.
TV isn't what it was back when I were a lad. We had *proper* programmes back then, that ye could really sink yer teeth into. |
Ay up. Thar's nobbut t'doi what can give summat loik...*trails off into stream of unintelligible gibberish*
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TV? When I was a lad there was no TV. All we had was a brick. And that have no other channels.
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A brick? You had a brick? Where I lived, if you had a brick, you got treated like royalty! Why, there were only two houses on our whole street that had bricks - everyone else had to make do with watching paint dry on the walls. And that was if you had walls!
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Street? You lived on a street? In my town, we didn't 'ave any streets. We 'ad a path, an' I'm bein' generous calling it that. Thing was so rough you'd wear through a pair o' shoes ev'ry two weeks, an' that was if you even 'ad shoes. An' most o' th' 'ouses in town weren't near the path. If you wanted to visit someone, you 'ad to take a knife and 'ack your way through the bushes for a couple o' hours. I won't even say 'ow long it took me to get to school ev'ry day.
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You had a knife!? When I was your age we didn't have knives. We were lucky if we had a spork! We had to carve our way out of the plants and jungles with a spoon.
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A spoon? Back in my day, there was no spoon! Or jungle! We just had to crawl across a desolate desert wasteland until we died of dehydration.
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Desert? Desert? In my day there weren't even a desert! All we 'ad to crawl through were t' lava flows and toxic gasses. We 'ad to carve our way through the cooling rock wi' our teeth, we did.
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Teeth? Teeth?? In my day we had no teeth! They were for the rich. We were lucky if we had a rock to grind the food down into a paste. Teeth. Young 'ens today don't know how good they've got it.
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Rocks? Rocks?? What are those? Back in my day, we didn't have rocks. We were lucky to have air to breathe. We just floated around in space until some alien with a weird hairpiece picked us up.
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Space? You were lucky. Back in my day there were only time! We 'ad to merely exist!
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Ooo, listen to 'im, with 'is lah-di-dah existing. We 'ad nowt but potential existance. I were twelve before I knew if I were real 'r nobbut!
(Apologies to any legitimate Yorkshiremen for mangling the dialect) |
potential?! We didn't even exist! We were just a wisp o' thought on't ethereal planes!
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Ethereal planes? You don't know your born laddie! We only had Hypothetical Ethereal planes. And a trip to a Material Plane once a year if we were lucky! Most the time we didn't even exist!
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You 'ad trips to the Material Plane?! In my day, our Dad would thrash oos fer even *considerin'* going to the Material Plane!
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You had a Dad? :(
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Well, by a Dad, I mean an asexual blob o' course, not like the Dad's of today...
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At least you had parents that responded to stimulus. Until the age of nine I was convinced that everyone was brought up by a small lump of quartz like I was. Sure, I could stay up as late as I liked, but did I once recieve a word of praise or encouragement?
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Well, when I say blob, I mean 'e were only a pile 'o doost...
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Hark' at you! Well, not all of us had fancy Quartz fathers! I lost 4 dad's before I was even 15. 3 were made from paper and blew away. The other from wood. He got used one year at bonfire night. In my day, we didn't hav' money to spend on fathers...!
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