[color=#000000:post_uid0](That's the Latin motto on the Oracle's door, supposedly meaning "Know thyself." While "nosce" is correct, I can't find "temet" anywhere -- certainly not as a form of the relative pronoun. It should be just "te" here. The closest correct Latin phrase to the given one is "temetum nosce", meaning "know strong wine." Hmmm....)

Neo goes in to see the Oracle and they have a creepy conversation. If you haven't seen this scene, you should definitely read the actual dialogue. The Oracle tells Neo he's not the One; he's "got the gift," but apparently he's waiting for something. She then warns him that either he or Morpheus is going to die, and that the choice will be his. She gives him a cookie.

One scene for this block -- I think we can skip Neo's brief exchange with Morpheus on the way out.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Random thoughts:

Oracle-as-Zathras: Not the One, not the One...

Neo: So if you tell me to do something, and then I do it, did you really predict the future, or did you just guide me onto a path you wanted me to go? Or, if you did see the future, and tell me about it, and then I do something different, does that mean you changed the future? And what *would* have I done if you hadn't mentioned the vase? My...
Oracle: Tylenol?
Neo: ... head hurts - [i:post_uid0]cut that out![/i:post_uid0][/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Another of my cut-to-fit blocks.



Neo: [i:post_uid0]You're[/i:post_uid0] the Oracle? And, and [i:post_uid0]this[/i:post_uid0] is supposed to be Delphi?
Oracle: This is Delphi on a shoestring budget. You'd think with all the money they spent on the special effects...oh well. I am indeed the Oracle. Don't believe me? Watch me prove my legitimacy by foreseeing your mishap with my prized antique lamp.
Neo: Antique lamp? Huh? Wher--
Vase: GAK!
Oracle: Ha! [i:post_uid0]Psych![/i:post_uid0] I knew you were going to do that. Just as I know that you are not the One. The One? Ha, One-Tenth is more like it.
Neo: But...but, if I'm not the One, then I'm nothing. What happens [i:post_uid0]now[/i:post_uid0]?
Oracle: No, you're thinking of Cypher. [i:post_uid0]He's[/i:post_uid0] nothing. And what happens now is that I exert my legitimacy with the audience by predicting the death of either you or Super Ohm.
Neo: Come on, surely you can do better than narrowing it down to two people. Which one of us is going to die?
Oracle: Difficult to see. Â Always in motion is the future.
Neo: Riiiight. Anything else?
Oracle: Well, I would tell you that Trinity likes you, but I won't because she'd kill me if she found out I told you. So I'll just give you this cookie instead.
Neo: Ooo, a cookie![/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]This one's easy to truly five:

[b:post_uid0]Oracle[/b:post_uid0]: You're not the One yet. If you were, you wouldn't break the vase.
[b:post_uid0]Neo[/b:post_uid0]: What vase? *smash* ...Oh. Does that mean I don't get a cookie?[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] So you're supposed to, like, tell me my future or something?
[b:post_uid0]Oracle:[/b:post_uid0] Kind of. Here, have a cookie.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Hey, this looks like a fortune cookie...[/color:post_uid0]

[quote:post_uid0="NAHTMMM"][color=#000000:post_uid0]Ha, One-Tenth is more like it.[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Or maybe One-Sixth?

[b:post_uid0]Oracle:[/b:post_uid0] Are you listening to me, Neo? Or are you breaking my vase?
[b:post_uid0]Vase:[/b:post_uid0] CRASH!
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Sorry. What did you say?[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Neo: Cool looking vase
Oracle: Go ahead and break it
Neo: Why would you want me to do such a thing?
Oracle: Because you are not the one that has to fix it.
----------------------------------------------------
Oracle: Im sorry, you are not The One.
Neo: I can fix that.
Oracle: How so?
One: I thought you could predict the future?
----------------------------------------------------
Oracle: Im sorry to tell you this, but you are not the One.
Neo: What makes you say that?
Oracle: Because I have the One Ring! *disappears*
----------------------------------------------------
Oracle: Im sorry to tell you this, but you are not the One.
Neo: Let me guess. Spoon Boy is the One.
Oracle: Yes. Hey, how did you know that?
Neo: Lucky guess.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Given that the last block ended with

[quote:post_uid0][i:post_uid0]Neo: Are there forks?
Boy: Yes, Neo. Â The forks will be with you... always.[/i:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]

it seems fitting to continue with

[quote:post_uid0]Neo: I'm not the One? There goes our last hope.
Oracle: No. Â There is another.[/quote:post_uid0]

;)[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Neo: Morpheus thinks that I'm...
Oracle: I know. Let's just say he has a One track mind.
Neo: I'm not it though, am I.
Oracle: There's your answer.
Neo: But... Oh, a cookie!
Oracle: This is really too easy.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Neo: I'm not the One? There goes our last hope.
Oracle: No. There is another.[/quote:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
:lol:[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I like most of the two-to-three liners but somehow NAH's sticks with me the best.

[quote:post_uid0="Sa'ar Chasm"]Oracle-as-Zathras: Not the One, not the One...[/quote:post_uid0]
Thanks. A LOT. Now everytime I watch my Season 1 DVDs I won't be able to get the image of Sinclair in bullet time out of my head! :lol:[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I've got One.

Neo: If I'm not The One then who is?
Oracle: Richard Simmons
Neo: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Err...Richard who?[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I assume he means Richard Simm[b:post_uid0]o[/b:post_uid0]ns. A notoriously perky champion of weight loss.

[img:post_uid0]http://infomercial.tvheaven.com/grimace.jpg[/img:post_uid0][/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Yep thats him, the scary over-caffeinated guy.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Release the robotic Richard Simmons![/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]*Slaps forehead*

That's where I've heard it before![/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Oracle: You see that sign? It means, "If you can read this, you're not the One."
Neo: Oh, well then I'm glad I couldn't read it. Is it Latin?
Oracle: No, I'm afraid that's English. Geez, what could Trinity possibly see in a doofus like you?
Neo: Trini-who?
Oracle: Â…How about you just concentrate on eating this cookie?[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]^ Nice one. That gets my vote.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]*Slaps forehead*

That's where I've heard it before!
[/quote:post_uid0]

heard what before?[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Oracle: I have some good news and some bad news.
Neo: What's the bad news?
Oracle: You are going to die. Have a cookie.
Neo: Duh! So what is the good news.
Oracle: I won the lottery! See ya![/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Neo: You're the Oracle?
Oracle: That's what they call me. *beat* Well, that's what Morpheus calls me.
Neo: What does everyone else call you?
Oracle: Helga.

Next time I'm stuck on a scene, I'm going to scavenge my ICQ chatlogs. Except to see this recycled into a future fiver when you guys don't vote for it.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Neo: Hi I'm Neo and I'm the One.
Oracle: no you're not.
Neo: You lie.
Oracle: No youÂ’re just in denial.
Neo: I'm not in denial I'm just highly selective of which reality I believe in.
Oracle: Your also gonna die today. Have a cookie.
Neo: Is it poison?
Oracle: What do I look like, a magic 8 ball?[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I really liked:

[quote:post_uid0]Neo: You're the Oracle?
Oracle: That's what they call me. Well, that's what Morpheus calls me.
Neo: What does everyone else call you?
Oracle: Helga.[/quote:post_uid0]

[quote:post_uid0]Oracle: You see that sign? It means, "If you can read this, you're not the One."
Neo: Oh, well then I'm glad I couldn't read it. Is it Latin?
Oracle: No, that's English.[/quote:post_uid0][/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I like JobeGDG's scene a lot so far.

[quote:post_uid0="g-blatt"][quote:post_uid0]*Slaps forehead*

That's where I've heard it before!
[/quote:post_uid0]

heard what before?[/quote:post_uid0]

It's a quote from the Simpsons, and where I had heard the mane Richard Simmons before.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]That gives me an idea, g-blatt...



Neo: Am I the One?
Oracle: Er, no. Now listen up, I've got news for you. Either you or Super Ohm is going to die.
Neo: Which one?
Oracle: "Which one?" How should I know? Look, just have a cookie and scram.
Neo: Um, oookay. Er, it isn't poisoned or anything, is it?
Oracle: What's with all the questions? Do I look like a Magic 8 Ball to you?[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I like the eight-ball line. But I'd add a follow-upÂ…

Oracle: Do I look like a Magic Eight Ball to you?
Neo: HmmÂ… Signs point to yes.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]what about "ask again later"[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Neo: Hi I'm Neo and I'm the One.
Oracle: no you're not.
Neo: You lie.
Oracle: No youÂ’re just in denial.
Neo: I'm not in denial I'm just highly selective of which reality I believe in.
Oracle: Your also gonna die today. Have a cookie.
Neo: Is it poison?
Oracle: What do I look like, a magic 8 ball?
Neo: Ask again later.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]witch - which

otherwise, I like it but still like the ones I mentioned earlier. Whatever, I'll be good with whatever it ends op as.[/color:post_uid0]

[quote:post_uid0="JobeGDG"][color=#000000:post_uid0]Oracle: You see that sign? It means, "If you can read this, you're not the One."
Neo: Oh, well then I'm glad I couldn't read it. Is it Latin?
Oracle: No, I'm afraid that's English. Geez, what could Trinity possibly see in a doofus like you?
Neo: Trini-who?
Oracle: Â…How about you just concentrate on eating this cookie?[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]I like this line.

- Trip[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][b:post_uid0]Oracle:[/b:post_uid0] Neo, you're not the One.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Damn.
[b:post_uid0]Oracle:[/b:post_uid0] Also, I'd like you to die painfully. Um, for Morpheus's sake.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Okay. Damn.
[b:post_uid0]Oracle:[/b:post_uid0] But we [i:post_uid0]do[/i:post_uid0] have some lovely consolation prizes for you. Here, have a cookie.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Can I have two?
[b:post_uid0]Oracle:[/b:post_uid0] No.

[b:post_uid0]Oracle:[/b:post_uid0] [GRANDMOTHERLY]Hi, Neo. Have a cookie.[/GRANDMOTHERLY]
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Um, are you speaking in BBCode?
[b:post_uid0]Oracle:[/b:post_uid0] [BLATANT LIE]Of course not. Also, you're not the One.[/BLATANT LIE]

[b:post_uid0]Oracle:[/b:post_uid0] Hmmm... Let's see if you're the One or not. Don't worry - if you're not the One, at least you'll get a cookie.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Ooooooo! Can I just take the cookie?

[b:post_uid0]Oracle:[/b:post_uid0] Sorry, Neo. You're not the One.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] I'm not? But Morpheus was so sure...
[b:post_uid0]Oracle:[/b:post_uid0] I pronounce you... the Eon.

I was particularly fond of this one line:
[quote:post_uid0]Oracle: You see that sign? It means, "If you can read this, you're not the One."[/quote:post_uid0]

But a lot of the other stuff was great, too.

Trip, am I mistaken, or have we yet another newcomer? Awright! Welcome aboard. :)[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][b:post_uid0]Oracle[/b:post_uid0]: You see that sign? It means, "If you can read this, you're not the One."
[b:post_uid0]Neo[/b:post_uid0]: Uh-oh. ...Hey, a cookie jar! *smash* Double uh-oh.
[b:post_uid0]Oracle[/b:post_uid0]: Oh, take a cookie from the rubble and don't worry about it. I was going to replace that old thing anyway.[/color:post_uid0]

[quote:post_uid0="Standback"][color=#000000:post_uid0]Trip, am I mistaken, or have we yet another newcomer? Awright! Welcome aboard. :)[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]There's a Trip on the member list, but whether it's the same one or not...[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I had an idea this morning, but I'm afraid I lost it in the miasma of molecular cloning I did today. Hell, I can't even read my own advice to Nic about reading the forum subsections from opposite ends without thinking about restriction endonucleases and exonucleases.

It had Neo and the Oracle in it. That's about all I remember. I'll post it when it comes back to me.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]It had Neo and the Oracle in it. That's about all I remember.[/quote:post_uid0]

I could be wrong, but I think somebody did that one already.

::ducks::[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]::aims the projectile low::

[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] So, am I the One?
[b:post_uid0]Oracle:[/b:post_uid0] No, you are TEH NEO.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] [i:post_uid0]Right.[/i:post_uid0] I forgot.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Oracle: [GRANDMOTHERLY]Hi, Neo. Have a cookie.[/GRANDMOTHERLY]
Neo: Um, are you speaking in BBCode?
Oracle: [BLATANT LIE]Of course not. Also, you're not the One.[/BLATANT LIE]
[/quote:post_uid0]

Actually, I really really liked this one. Had me in <s>convulsions</s>stitches.[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Far from the best, but...

[b:post_uid0]Oracle:[/b:post_uid0] Hi, Neo. Watch out for that vase.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] OK.
[i:post_uid0](Awkward Pause)[/i:post_uid0]
[b:post_uid0]Oracle:[/b:post_uid0] All right, just for that, you're not the One.

[b:post_uid0]Oracle:[/b:post_uid0] Hi, Neo. Don't worry about the vase.
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] What va--
[b:post_uid0]Vase:[/b:post_uid0] CRASH!
[b:post_uid0]Neo:[/b:post_uid0] Cool. Can I do the TV set next?[/color:post_uid0]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]^Heheheh.


I would prefer "All signs point to yes" over "Ask again later" if we were to use that joke. Although the second phrase is funny too, the first one is more instantly recognizable and reflects Neo's fived attitude toward the Oracle more accurately.


Also, if we use the "You're not the One. More like the One-Tenth" joke, it seems more keeping in touch with 5MV's original purpose to change One-Tenth to One-Twelfth. ;)[/color:post_uid0]