October 25th, 1993, "Phantasms"
This episode has good character work, but I warn you there be Treknobabble nits ahead...
Fiver by Nic
The Episode
Captain's log, stardate 47225.7. Commander La Forge has completed the installation of our new warp core. We are preparing to test its capabilities.
Couldn't he at least mention the starbase that they just left where the new core was installed. "Day of Honor" implies that external aid isn't technically needed, but I would sure want the help! Furthermore, I would have to imagine that Starfleet would want a backup ship nearby until the new core is "broken in" and the danger has passed.
PICARD: I just got a message from Starfleet command.
RIKER: Bad news?
PICARD: You could say that. I've been invited to the annual Starfleet Admiral's banquet.
RIKER: My condolences.
PICARD: I've managed to avoid it for the past six years, but now it would seem my luck has run out. I can't think of anything more tedious. Fifty Admirals shaking hands, making dull conversation, uninteresting food, boring speeches.
I'm not going to ask why a captain was invited to an admiral's banquet. I will ask why Picard even RSVP'ed to begin with. Surely such an event is voluntary, it's not like Picard is looking for a raise or promotion.
LAFORGE: Nightmares are part of dreaming, Data. Maybe you've just discovered another new level to your programme.
DATA: Perhaps.
I'm not going to do the research to come up with a psychological reason for nightmares, that sounds boring even to me. I will ask why it would take nine months before he would have one, and I will ask the purpose of a nightmare to Data before he has emotions. The only emotion Data is able to express at this time is curiosity.
LAFORGE: I'll tell you what. Why don't you help Farrell check the deuterium cartridges. I'm just about to bring the warp core online. All right?
TYLER: Anything you say.
Deuterium cartridges? Talk about meaningless technobabble. The deuterium stream should be coming directly from the pods, not some interim mechanism. If anything it should be antimatter "cartridges", there would be a reason to keep small doses of antimatter isolated from the rest.
Furthermore, it's weird that the warp core uses deuterium (a hydrogen atom that has a proton and neutron) instead of protium (a hydrogen atom that's just a proton). I get that the creators want to use a fancier word than hydrogen, but protium is just as exotic. Storing protium and antiprotium would be easier and more efficient than having pointless neutrons around. Plus making antideuterium is much harder to do than making antiprotium.
DATA: Geordi, you do not seem to appreciate Ensign Tyler's enthusiasm.
LAFORGE: She's enthusiastic all right. About me.
DATA: I do not understand.
LAFORGE: She's got a crush on me, Data.
DATA: You do not share her affection?
LAFORGE: Exactly.
Whether or not Geordi likes being chased is a screed by itself. I'll just say that none of the department heads should be dating within their own department. It just creates too many issues.
LAFORGE: It's a thing of beauty, isn't it? Now let's see how fast she can run.
What does the warp core have to do with the speed of the ship? All it does is make warp plasma for the coils in the nacelles. And if the implication is that it can make higher-energy warp plasma, you'd still have to retrofit the rest of the ship to
carry the plasma to the nacelles without causing damage.
Couldn't they have mentioned that the warp coils in the nacelles were replaced at the same time?
LAFORGE: I'm on it, sir. There's a warp plasma conduit out of alignment, but I think I've got it fixed now.
You'd think the ship would be running self-diagnoses on the conduits all the time to anticipate these things. Then again, maybe the conduits were replaced along with the warp core and the misalignment was between the old and new stuff.
PICARD: Very well. Ensign Gates?
(all the lights go out)
PICARD: Mister La Forge?
That's just stupid. The fusion engines would be able to handle the lights if there's a momentary power failure.
DATA: I have been watching Spot sleep. In the past fifteen minutes, he has had twelve muscles spasms, which indicates he was dreaming. I have often wondered what Spot dreams about. His twitching and his rapid breathing would seem to suggest anxiety, but Spot has never seen a mouse or any other form of rodentia. He has never encountered an insect, or been chased by a canine.
This seems odd. You can't keep a cat inside an apartment all the time. Surely Data would release Spot into a holographic field from time to time so he can experience new places and chase holographic mice.
(Data plumps the pillow, gets under the sheet fully clothed, kicking Spot off, and approximates a yawn)
DATA: Computer, dim lights.
Always funny.
(Data's dream. Worf is eating a piece of blue cake decorated with a comm. badge)
WORF: Mmm. Delicious.
DATA: What kind of cake are you eating?
WORF: It is cellular peptide cake with mint frosting.
The way Worf says "with mint frosting" has stayed with me all these years.
DATA: My internal chronometer was supposed to wake me thirty five minutes ago.
WORF: You must have overslept.
DATA: That is not possible. Something is wrong.
Yeah, Worf is being dumb. This introduces further questions about how the dream program works. Would Dr. Soong really add an oversleeping subroutine? How much real time does it take for one of Data's dreams to happen? Do they happen immediately or is there a delay?
DATA: I will compare my autonomic logs with the ship's chronometer. Perhaps we have overlooked something.
What's that supposed to accomplish? We're not given any indication that his internal clock is out of synch with the ship's computer like back in "Schisms."
FREUD: Your mechanistic qualities are trying to reassert themselves over your human tendencies. Ego and id struggling for domination. The workmen symbolise the ever present id constantly working to destroy the ego. Now the image of Counsellor Troi, a female, is devoured by you, clearly indicating an unconscious desire to possess your own mother.
And people wonder why Freud isn't respected so much anymore. What nonsense. Not everything comes back to Oedipal and Hamlet complexes, dude!
FREUD: The knife in its violent connotation suggests a certain feeling of sexual inadequacy.
DATA: but I have no sexual desire.
FREUD: Ach! Impotence on top of everything.
1. Why would Data feel sexual inadequacy? Putting aside his full functionality, sexual inadequacy is an emotion and he doesn't have those.
2. What does lack of sexual desire have to do with lack of sexual performance?
DATA: I do not believe I am being helped by this session.
FREUD: Classic transference. Your anger toward me is, in fact, the animosity you feel toward your father.
Oh, the screed that could be written about Data's "animosity" toward Soong...
NAKAMURA [on viewscreen]: Captain. We were expecting you this morning. Is there a problem?
PICARD: Actually, we have been experiencing a few minor difficulties with our new warp core, but my Chief Engineer assures me that we will be under way within the hour.
NAKAMURA [on viewscreen]: You're not trying to avoid this particular engagement, are you, Picard?
Come to think of it, why can't Picard call for another ship to take him to the banquet? The repairs don't require his presence. This would even be a good time to take the Captain's Yacht!