[Nate the Great]

LAFORGE: We just lost contact with everything above deck twenty one, including the Bridge.

You know, there really should be several dedicated communications channels between the bridge and main engineering. And of various technologies as well. I'm offended by the idea that there's only one cable between the two that can be easily severed. Furthermore, shouldn't the commbadges operate on a frequency that is completely different from the ones a shipboard disaster could interfere with?

COMPUTER: Unable to comply. All power to ejection systems has been terminated and cannot be restored.

Ugh. Even IF we suppose that the ship can be damaged to the point where the computer can't create a connection to the animatter pods, there should be crewman near the pods at all times and a big red level ready to manually eject said pods. Duh.

TROI: So what did I do wrong?
RIKER: I'm afraid I can't tell you that.
TROI: Why not? What kind of a test is this?
RIKER: It's the kind of a test that you'll have to take again if you want to be a Bridge Officer.

Yes, there should always be a few things on a final exam that you have to have studied enough to have hardwired into your brain. Simply taking the test over and over again and hoping that your dice rolls are favorable is no way to make a bridge officer.

TALUR: Rock, fire, sky, and water are the basic elements of the universe. They can be found in every object, every person, every animal, everything.

Americans tend to be egotistical and think that any "primitive system of elements" always consists of air, earth, water, and fire. The weird thing is, they also tend to ignore aether, which covers any number of phenomenon that can't be understood. Upon doing research I was surprised to find out how many cultures use the five elements with little modifications. I could've sworn that there was a culture that added "metal".

TROI: The secondary plasma vent has a triple redundant bypass. Which means that the primary access junction is routed through
(doorbell)
TROI: Come in. Would be routed through the port transducer matrix.

You have to feel for Sirtis here. Unline Burton or Spiner she hasn't had to memorize Treknobabble to the extent needed in this episode.

TROI: Why? Because I'm not the most technically-minded person on the ship? I may have trouble telling the difference between a plasma conduit and a phase inducer, but there's more to being a bridge officer than memorising technical manuals.

Really? I jolly well expect any Starfleet officer to know the difference between those two. Now, if you were talking about preganglionic fibers and postganglionic nerves, that's another story...

TROI: Geordi, could you repair the ODN conduit if you went into the crawlspace?
WORF: Sir, that crawlway is in a warp-plasma shaft. He would never survive the radiation.

Crawlspace? Did the screenwriter get tired of writing Treknobabble and simply refuse to say "Jeffries tube?"

DATA: I have coated this piece of cloth with the liquid which is used in lamps. As you can see, the cloth becomes luminescent when it is exposed to an energy source. This pendant also appears to be an energy source.

I haven't found any evidence that lamp oil glows in the presence of radiation. Perhaps this mystery metal isn't emitting a type of radiation that is presently known.

TALUR: But where is this pattern of light coming from?
DATA: I believe a stream of particles is emanating from the metallic pendant and hitting the cloth.

How do you explain subatomic particles to a culture that hasn't even invented the steam engine?

GIA: What kind of medicine is it?
DATA: A compound I made which will neutralise the particles that are making you ill.

The most primitive radiation treatments include potassium iodine and certain dyes, and special proteins that can promote the production of white blood cells.

DATA: I had located the crashed Federation probe and collected the radioactive fragments. I was attempting to download the sensor logs from the probe's onboard computer. There was a power surge. I believe the surge overloaded my positronic matrix. After that, I have no memory until this moment.

Ugh. You'd think Data would install surge protectors into himself, especially after the events of "Disaster."

The Fiver

Data: It says "radioactive."
Garvin: What's that supposed to mean?
Data: What do you think I am, a walking dictionary?

Missing first lines alert!

Talur: Your skin is very pale, so you must not spend much time in the sun.
Data: That would be an accurate assumption.
Talur: My grandmother would have thought you were a demon of some sort, but I know better: You are a vampire.

The fiver was written in 2004. The first Twilight book wouldn't be released until 2005. I'm surprised that there isn't a basement-dwelling nerd punchline in this one. They don't spend much time in the sun, either.

Data: (lifts anvil) I believe the anvil fell because of shoddy workmanship.You should avoid ordering from this "Acme Corporation" in the future.

Actually I'm pretty sure ACME never sent Wile E. Coyote any faulty products. He just used them in an unexpected and dangerous way.

Talur: Garvin, you don't look so good.
Garvin: Pbbt, I feel fine.
Talur: You don't smell so good, either. I think you're sick.
Garvin: Nonsense!
Talur: Then why are there two puncture marks on your neck?

If that was supposed to be a Princess Bride joke, it needed a bit more development.

Talur: So the five basic elements are earth, fire, wind, water, and heart. And when these elements combine, we have Captain Planet!

Well, that's a time capsule of a joke.

Skoran: You're the cause of all this, Vampire!
Data: If you are referring to the illness, you are partially correct, but you may want to examine my data in detail.
Skoran: Forget details. We want to hit you in deface.

Ouch, that one hurt.

Data: Gia, wake up! I have good news!
Gia: You found a cure for the disease?
Data: Not yet, but I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance.

You have to throw in the explicit Geiko reference to complete the joke.

Picard: I'm glad we were able to beam you back safely,
Data. What's the last thing you remember?
Data: "His nose should pant, and his lip should" --

Nice Insurrection reference. Have I mentioned lately how much I prefer Insurrection to First Contact?

Memory Alpha

* Last appearance of Riker playing trombone. And it must be a new one, since he gave his old one to Tom.
* Jeri Taylor admitted that some fans were angry that Troi got a promotion instead of Data or Geordi. I would argue that Geordi hasn't been a Lt. Cmdr. long enough to be promoted again so fast. As for Data, that's another kettle of fish I don't care to open right now.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Given what we know of Data's mass, he would topple over if he tried to lift that anvil in that position. It's not a matter of strength, it's a matter of leverage.
* Phil is confused about Beverly expanding her horizons in only one direction with the bridge officer's test. I think that's a little shortsighted. It could be argued that the test covers more than just command, it also includes understanding enough of the other areas of the ship to effectively command them.
* Pulaski was also a full commander, yet she didn't take the test and wasn't a bridge officer. I could've sworn she was only a Lt. Cmdr.
* How come the radioactive materials box had a simple latch and not a computer lock?
* Riker says "end simulation" after the test, but only the people disappear, not the set as well. Oops.
* Did Crusher somehow fix Data without having to remove the native clothing that he was wearing?