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Old 04-10-2023, 01:50 AM
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February 22nd, 1993, "Birthright Part One"

Fiver by Kristina

The Episode

Captain's log, stardate 46578.4. The Enterprise has arrived at Station Deep Space Nine, to assist in the reconstruction of the Bajoran aqueduct systems damaged during the Cardassian occupation.

"For some reason, the entire senior staff of the station is occupied elsewhere playing some stupid board game with Gamma Quadrant aliens." Hehe...

CRUSHER: I should be through with the water contaminant analysis in a few hours. Then I'm going to check out one of the holosuites. They have got a relaxation programme here, Jean-Luc, from Alture Seven. Listen to this. First they bath you in a protein bath. Then a cloud of chromal vapour carries you into a meditation chamber. You should try it.

I'd really like to know how a cloud of vapor is supposed to carry a person. I can't find a usage of "chromal" that isn't related to chrome plating.

WORF: What is this?
LAFORGE: It's pasta al fiorella. One of my favourites.

Fiorella is a cheese that's a cross between mozarella and ricotta. This dish doesn't exist in the real world, but of course a Trek fan has created a recipe for it.

LAFORGE: (pushes plate away) I'll have to talk to Chief O'Brien about these replicators. Worf, I don't see how you can eat that stuff. It tastes like liquid polymer.
WORF: Delicious.

Was the "Worf likes food that other people think is awful" joke used more often than here and with Riker's eggs?

DATA: I am sorry, but use of sickbay equipment is limited to ship's medical personnel.

You'd think Bashir could just ask permission. Come to think of it, you'd think the CMO of DS9 could request the use of any Starfleet medical facility docked at the station.

SHREK: I expect to be paid for my information. Perhaps we could negotiate an exchange. The location of your father, for--

Does Worf even have gold-pressed latinum on him? I would understand Starfleet ships visiting DS9 to get enough latinum to buy a few meals, but Shrek would want more than that.

Then again, odds are Riker has some latinum on him. I recommend the DS9 novel "The Big Game" where Quark organizes a poker tournament. Riker was specifically invited, but he couldn't make it. Bashir takes his place and gets rather far, and this is BEFORE his enhancements were even conceived of.

(he is practising his martial arts, but gets angry and smashes a glass table. The doorbell chimes)

Seriously, why wouldn't Worf have sturdier furniture than this? I wonder if Troi ever told him how K'Ehleyr broke a table once upon a time.

WORF: A Klingon would never allow himself to be captured. A warrior fights to the death. If my father were alive it would dishonour his sons and their sons for three generations. Even Alexander would bear the burden of guilt.

This situation probably falls into the no-suicide clause.

BASHIR: Right. Data, can I ask you a personal question?
DATA: Certainly.
BASHIR: Does your hair grow?

You'd think something this basic would be part of the publicly-available specs.

DATA: I can control the rate of my follicle replenishment. However, I have not yet had a reason to modify the length of my hair.

A mission to Romulus where you have to impersonate a Romulan doesn't count?

BASHIR: You're breathing.
DATA: Yes. I do have a functional respiration system. However, its purpose is to maintain thermal control of my internal systems. I am, in fact, capable of functioning for extended periods in a vacuum.

"Or walking around on the bottom of a lake. However, I do not foresee ever needing to use that skill."

DATA: Most people are interested in my extraordinary abilities. How fast I can compute, my memory capacity, how long I will live.

That would also be part of his file! Why bother Data with this nonsense?

SHREK: Excellent. I can provide you with the coordinates.
WORF: No. You will take me there.
SHREK: No, it's not possible.

They could've saved so much trouble by just taking the Enterprise. Or at the very least, hiring your own ship. I'm sure Quark could help you out there...

DATA: I have analysed over four thousand different religious and philosophical systems, as well as over two hundred psychological schools of thought, in an effort to understand what happened.

The ratio between religions and psychological schools is interesting.

DATA: The interpretation of visions and other metaphysical experiences are almost always culturally derived, and I have no culture of my own.
PICARD: Yes, you do. You're a culture of one, which is no less valid than a culture of one billion.

Good point.

DATA: I do not understand.
SOONG: You're not supposed to. No man should know where his dreams come from. It spoils the mystery, the fun.

There's a lot to unpack here.

L'KOR: (sings) van'aj javDIch Qong DIr Sa'VIch ghIH yot quelI'Pa qevas HoH Qa. teblaw'nghu mughato'Du ylja'Qo' ylja'Qo' ylja'Qo'

This is known as the Victory Song, written by Brannon Braga. The lyrics are Klingon words as created by Marc Okrand, but the translation is gibberish. I prefer the Warrior's Anthem, which actually has a meaning. And the Amazing Thing That I Learned Today is that the translation of the Warriors Anthem was used in the fan-made DS9 Season 5 trailer.

Memory Alpha

* It was supposed to be Dax in the Data plot, but Bashir "died" first in "Move Along Home."
* Data tells Bashir that he never had a reason to change his hair length, but he did it back in "The Schizoid Man". Oops.

Fiver

Captain's Log: We are docked at Deep Space Nine to promote the show and see some cast crossovers.

"Some"? There was only one!

Shrek: Worf, son of Mogh? I'm Shrek.
Worf: Where's the donkey? And should you not be green?
Shrek: Not that Shrek. My name is Shrek, too.
Worf: Ah, the sequel. Then where is Puss in Boots?
Shrek: Are you a Klingon or a Pakled?

I get the joke, but it seems a bit too obvious. More depth was needed.

La Forge: What is it with the father fetish of this episode?
Bashir: We go father than no one has gone before....

Horrible grammar for the sake of that joke.

Nitpicker's Guide

* So what was that "medical scanner" for, anyway?
* Phil noticed a person in the "Data-as-bird" flyby. This was mentioned on the Memory Alpha page, but I wasn't going to bring it up. This was June Abston, a makeup artist. Her "cameo" was removed for the remaster.
* Worf's "stealth suit" shows a human-style spine when we know that Klingon spines are much more spiky ("Ethics").
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