[richardson]

(Before I forget: Cameos!)



Muse: Bad, bad bad! This is NOT how it's supposed to go!
'Richardson': When will you learn that the best plans in the history of the universe are no match for a SMART evil villian!
Muse: Wait... nah... *Whistles innocently...*
'Richardson': Why are you whistling innocently? *Looks at the screens... * Hmmm... don't see anything out of place... Richardson, Yodck....
Muse: *Shrugs, whistling still and trying to keep a straight face.*

Episode IV: A Red Vs. Blue moment (Or... The best laid Plans...)

Richardson: SHHHH! *A shout whispered... that's a new one.*
Yodck: Work not, will this...
Richardson stuffed dummie: ....
Yodck stuffed dummie: .......................
Richardson: It's the perfect plan, no-one will suspect my having put together an explosive device out of that stuff they call food.
Yodck: Sane, not you are. Stupid, are you, hmmm?
Richardson: *Lights fuse with two coconuts previously used to torture him.* Shhhh!
Fuse: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHSHSHSHH!HHHHHHH!
Yodck: Stay over here will I, though not work will this...
Richardson: *Watches the fuse burn down to the bomb, and then...*
Bomb: KAB-err.. Fizzle...
Richardson: O_o..... that's not right... *Looks at the bomb.* Oh... you've got to be kidding me! *Goes over, kicks it a few times....*

+++ Important message+++
Muse: As you know, in cartoon physics, or any other such physics*Starts doing little pointing thing with a board demonstrating all his points.*, bombs only go off when the most damage potential is possible. Meaning: The biggest boom (Bombs love explosions), the most people hurt (It's what they were made to do), and the most stuff flying like paper planes!
Wile E. Cyote: *sizzle..... sizzle... Holds up sign saying 'Ouchies...'*
Muse: You see? That Quantum torpedo he fired off purposely waited to explode, flying right through Mt. Everest, even, until the point of maxium ouch factor! Now, we return to your regularly scheduled broadcast.
+++End Important Message+++

Bomb: KABOOOOOMMMM!
Richardson: GREAT BUNIONS! AHHHHH! *Sent flying by the huge explosion.*
Yodck: Odd... physically possible that is not... *Steps out into the corridor through the hole blown into the door. Of course, the laws of narrative comedy being what they are, that's exactly when the alarms began to ring.* Crap....

*In Five Minute Voyager Headquarters*
Alarm: WEEP-WEEP-WEEP-WEEP!
Saber: Wooom! SMITE!
Alarm:WAK!
Top Hat Man: Was that the Improbability Alarm?
Ginga: *Looks... O_o....* Um... yes. According to the readings, it's an improbability greater than the Heart of Gold; apparently involving non-flammable, combustable, or anything else-able exploding with the force of a small tactical nuke...
Top Hat Man: That doesn't seem physically possible...
Ginga: That's what the Alarm said. And every law of nature known... before they cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced... I fear we have something terrible happening.

*Control Room*
'Richardson': EGAD! That doesn't seem physically possible! Put the installation on full alert! Lock up the Viridian Fool, and any flyable ship and post 10,000 guards on all critical locations!
'Yodck': Why don't we just use the poison gas?
*On the screen, Yodck uses Vulcan Force powers to dust Richardson off, and get him on his feet. The two immediately preform a standard RPG complete and total strip-looting, and run towards the cell-block exit.*
'Richardson': They have our equipment now...
'Yodck': Right.... okay, this could be problematic... *Light bulb flashes overhead.* Why not just open up the Pits of DOOM!
'Richardson': Excellent idea, my trusted Lt. *Turns to minions.* Activate the PITS OF DOOM! in sections 1-100!
Minons: Yes, dark lord!
'Richardson': Now we have them. At least their target will likely be the control room.
'Yodck': And how is that a good thing?
'Richardson': Evil Overlord Rule number 65.
'Yodck': We are evil, aren't we?

*Meanwhile, on the Kep Salu*
Lt. Redshirt: Well, it's been 3 hours. Shouldn't we go down and rescue those two?
Crewmember: Be my guest, just remember what role you signed up for.
Lt. Redshirt: Yeah.... on second thought, let's just stay here...

*In the Compound of Pi...*
Richardson: You know, it's a good thing we keep along the walls.... otherwise we would have fallen right on into that one pit.
('Richardson': Will those two ever DIE!?)
Yodck: Smart, am I, hmmm?
('Richardson':..... I cannot belive those two actually managed to get so far, ah, well, more fun for me. Transporter room, you know where to send me... *WHEEEEM!*)
Richardson: Yeeeeaaah.... sure... keep telling yourself that. We're almost to that room marked Sewage Overflow Containment. That's got to be a code-word for the Control Room....

To be continued...

Dun-dun, dun-dun, da-dun, dumdumdummdadum....