April 22nd, 1991, "Qpid"
Fiver by Silvia and Gwen
The Episode
Captain's log, stardate 44741.9. We have arrived at Tagus Three where the Enterprise is to serve for host of the Federation Archaeology Council's annual symposium. I look forward to giving tomorrow's keynote address with great anticipation.
I hate it when the Enterprise is used as a taxi and mobile convention center. it's a lazy plot device.
PICARD: Tomorrow I'll be addressing some of the greatest scientific minds in the Federation. Switzer, Klarc-Tarn-Droth, McFarland. Giants in the field of archaeology. Compared to them I'm just an enthusiastic amateur.
You know, with the number of times that Picard's archeology hobby comes up, it was a missed opportunity that we never established a friend of his in the field. A more blatant "the road not taken" example than Professor Galen.
PICARD: I had no idea you were a member of the Archaeology Council. You are a member, aren't you?
VASH: More or less.
Ugh. Blatant lie from Vash AND Picard should know the names of everyone on the Council already.
CRUSHER: I'm sorry I'm late. Oh. Excuse me. I didn't realise you had company.
PICARD: That's all right. Er, allow me to introduce you.
Picard is an idiot for the rest of the act. He should've been up-front with Vash at the start and told her to go away, Risa was a one-time thing. At the very least, what was his intention now? Double-dipping a fling doesn't seem like him. That's for Kirk and Riker.
CRUSHER: Well, I'm surprised he never mentioned you.
VASH: So am I.
Why would Vash think that Picard would talk about her? That's a whole other screed.
RIKER: Eternity never looked so lovely.
VASH: Excuse me?
RIKER: I was referring to the view. Eternity never looked so lovely.
VASH: You must be Commander Riker.
RIKER: I'm afraid you have me at a disadvantage.
VASH: I didn't mean to interrupt. I believe you were about to tell me that my eyes are as mysterious as the stars.
RIKER: You're Betazoid.
VASH: Not at all. It's just that Jean-Luc does a very good imitation of you.
This doesn't seem like Picard.
WORF: I had not been informed that Council Members had been granted bridge clearance.
Actually, Worf should've looked up the Council Members before now, just in case.
VASH: I don't understand, I thought being the ship's Counsellor meant the Captain confided in you.
TROI: He does, when he thinks it's necessary.
VASH: And he never spoke to you about me?
TROI: Not that I recall.
They devoted WAY too much screentime to this plot point. We're talking about "show off the refit Enterprise with a shuttle flyby" amounts of screentime. Furthermore, it wasn't necessary to show the entire senior staff reacting to this. Riker and Crusher of course, but the rest could've heard from Riker offscreen and saved the time.
PICARD: A Captain does not reveal his personal feelings with his crew.
VASH: Is that a Starfleet regulation, or did you just make that up yourself?
PICARD: I'm sorry if you're upset.
VASH: And I'm sorry if my being here embarrasses you.
No, you're not. Furthermore, this whole thing seems weird to me. Riker sent Picard to Risa specifically to get him laid. Furthermore, the mere existence of Risa speaks of the Federation's acceptance of casual affairs. And I will repeat, Picard should've cut all ties with Vash as soon as he saw her, asking her to stay away and not mention their encounter.
PICARD: Out of the question. That would mean breaking Taguan law.
Q: Must you always be so ethical? I suppose we could travel back in time. You could see what Tagus was like two billion years ago. They really knew how to party back in those days.
We see Q's earlier visit in the novel Q-Space.
PICARD: I've just been paid a visit from Q.
RIKER: Q? Any idea what he's up to?
PICARD: He wants to do something nice for me.
RIKER: I'll alert the crew.
Hehe.
Q: Do you deny that you care for this woman? Believe me, I'd be doing you a big favour if I turned her into a Klabnian eel.
A DS9 video game actually mentined Klabnian eels. It's sad when the people in charge of the expanded universe care more about continuity than the people making the shows, isn't it?
(a heavily Hollywood-isd version of the old ballads, with Picard as Robin, and the senior staff as the outlaws. This is my local tradition and I personally hate the US messing with it....)
I didn't know that Chakoteya was British.
PICARD: I think this is supposed to be Earth, somewhere round about the twelfth century.
Somewhere about? The Robin Hood stories are pretty clearly set in the reigns of Henry II, Richard, and John, 1160-1200 or so. That's pretty precise.
WORF:
Sir, I protest. I am not a merry man.
One of the truly classic TNG quotes.
Q: I would prefer if you addressed me as His Honour the High Sheriff of Nottingham.
While we usually just call the character the Sheriff of Nottingham, when Richard was away during the Crusades the post was held by William de Wendenal. When Richard returned he gave the job to William de Ferrers (and not Little John as the legends tell us).
Today the title is held by Professor Harminder Sing Dua CBE. It's a ceremonial position since the police handles most of the official duties these days. The Sheriff is appointed by the Mayor of Nottingham.
Q: What is the one thing that Robin Hood is most famous for?
LAFORGE: He robs from the rich and gives to the poor.
Q: Besides that.
DATA: Perhaps you are referring to the rescue of Maid Marian from Nottingham Castle?
Q: Yes, Data.
Watch SF Debris' review for more options. It's interesting looking at the evolution of the Robin Hood mythology. Maid Marian didn't get connected to Robin Hood until relatively late, she had her own stories. As for Robin Hood's most famous story, I'd argue for the archery tournament in Nottingham. The rescue of Maid Marian from Nottingham Castle isn't that big of a deal. For that matter Guy of Gisborne really isn't that important. His biggest impact on the story is when the Sheriff hires him as a deputy-for-hire to arrest Robin Hood, Marian rarely comes into contact with him.
I take my Robin Hood seriously, maybe even more seriously than Arthurian mythology. And oh yes, read Ivanhoe if you want a different version of Robin Hood.
Q: You know, Worf, you'd make a perfect throw rug in Nottingham Castle.
Actually he wouldn't. Worf may have long hair on his head, but not so much on the rest of his body. Not to the level of "fur" anyway.
Q: You see, I've given this fantasy as you call it, a life of its own. I have no more idea what's going to happen than you do.
This is a whole nother screed that I won't bother with, but it has interesting implications.