View Single Post
Old 05-25-2009, 06:08 PM
NAHTMMM's Avatar
Noodles And Hot Tofu! MMM
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: St Louis, MO, USA, . . .
Posts: 2,897
Send a message via Yahoo to NAHTMMM
Arrow Part 2-Squared


Captain's Log: This is Capt. Picard, here. Still at war with the Klingons. We happened across a super-rare, old model of the Enterprise today. Unfortunately, it was in very poor shape and the interior smelled awful, like something had died in there. Which lots of somethings had. Anyway, since they don't make replacement parts for that production year anymore and it would have been very expensive to get the stench out of the upholstery, we just let Yar use it for target practice.

Newly Evil Trelane: Wheee! Now I'm more Chaos than Q, twisted and evil. What should I do first with my new powers?
Various People:
Newly Evil Trelane: I know! I'll maroon the Q Continuum, absorb my younger self, and smite anyone who tries a D&D alignment joke. Were you going to say something?
Various People: Um, no. Not at all.

Trelane: Stinks to be you, Captain Crusher. Johnny-boy, on the other hand, has got it pretty sweet . . .
Jean-Luc: You were really good . . . Q?
Howard: Wha? Did you say something, Jean-Luc?
Jean-Luc: Erm, nothing. Wrong timeline.
Jack: Grrr . . .

Trelane: No one ever told you what happens to your son in other dimensions.
Jack: Beverly told me enough! She told me my job killed him in this one!
Trelane: No, Jack. Your very existence killed your son.
Jack: Nooo! That can’t be true! It’s impossible!
Trelane: Search your feelings, Jack. You know it to be true. Join me, and together we will destroy the multiverse as master and puppet!
Jack: Okie-dokie.

Trelane: Today, class, we will learn how to braid strands of hair together into a pigtail.
Trelane: No, wait. We're going to learn how to smush strands of time together into one confusing stream of delicious, eternal chaos. Silly me.
Trelane: Mix well and serve with parsley and harpsichord music! Muahahahahaaaa!
Guinan: I sense a disturbance in the Force . . . as though children were on board the Enterprise . . .
Trelane: Oh be quiet, I'm cackling evilly.

Jack: Wes, I am your father!
Wesley: AAAAAAHHH! . . . Wait a moment, we played off that scene already. Never mind.

Captain's Log: Capt. Picard again. Just wanted to mention that I loathe Klingons. And traitors. And spies. In fact, the only things I loathe more than Klingons or traitors or spies are traitorous Klingon spies. I'm not certain how that works, but I'm too busy hunting down all of the above to think about it right now.
Worf's Log: I loathe Romulans. Always trying to infiltrate empires and federations with their cunning facial prosthetics and elaborate uniforms . . . actually, I guess it's not Romulans I loathe so much as it is Trekkies.
That's silly. At least Trekkies usually aren't trying to kill us. Hey, wait. You aren't a Klingon, are you?
Worf: Erm, must be going. Things to do, people to see, you know the drill.

R/T 'shippers: Awwwww, that's so adorable!
Deanna: Are you crazy? My husband killing his doppelganger bare-handed to defend his family is adorable?!
R/T 'shippers: *simper*

Worf: If you were any other man, I would kill you where — wait, you are some other man! By Kahless's bat'leth, can't you fanboys at least get the uniform right? DIE DIE DIE DIE . . .
Capt. Picard: From Hell's heart I stab at thee, spying Klingon traitor! DIE DIE DIE DIE . . .
Both: GAK!

Various Other Crewmembers From One Dimension Or Another: GAK!

Data: I predict that it will be my Geordi.
Data: Yes, definitely your Geordi.
Data: Well, I’m betting my five on my Geordi.
Data: Here goes. *Ahem* Commander Data to LaForge.
Nurse LaForge: Commander Data, for crying out loud quit doing that! You and your other yous are driving me nuts with all your lines one after the other!
Data: Ha! Go me! Me 10, You All -10!
Data and Data: Shouldn’t that be, “Me 10, Me –10”? Which means you really didn’t win any money?
Data: Hmm, you may have a point there . . .
Nurse LaForge: I SAID, cut it out!

Q: You must face Trelane, Luc. It is your destiny.

Picard: Care for a lightsaber duel?
Trelane: Delighted!
Picard: Mind if I defeat you with a desperately clumsy bit of swordplay?
Trelane: Of course not. No, wait, I mean — GAK!

Q: Bye, mortals. I'll just sit here and mourn by my lonesome for a while.
Picard: Shouldn't you be reconnecting the Q Continuum to the rest of reality?
Q: Meh, they can wait. *ahem* Alas, poor foolish Trelane. I wish I had a chance to do it all over again, every last minute of it . . . I'd do a much better job of raising you . . .
Baby Trelane: Goo-goo! Ga-gaa!
Q: . . . I DIDN'T MEAN IT! Nooooooo!

(The Enterprise — one of them, at least — sails away at Ludicrous Speed)

My 5MV webpages My novel fivers list


“There must have been a point in early human history when it was actually advantageous to, when confronted with a difficult task, drop it altogether and go do something more fun, because I do that way too often for it to be anything but instinct.” -- Isto Combs

Last edited by NAHTMMM; 05-25-2009 at 06:23 PM.
Reply With Quote