[Alexia]

TJI takes a very special look into the life of Zeke

At this early stage, this reporter would like to point out that she would have hired Michael Aspel for this, but unfortunately on a limited budget he would only go as far presenting a small, redish postage stamp instead of the usual big, red book, and only accompany it with the words “This is”. Apparently the “your life” part is rather pricey. In the spirit of Christmas generosity, this reporter has improvised and is going to do the job herself, for a much reduced price, and may I add, without the dodgy accent.

So, Zeke: Thiiiiiiiiis iiiiiiiiiiiiiiis yooooooooooooooooooooour (virtual, short due to extremely limited information) liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiife. © The people who thought of it.

Colin “Zeke” Hayman was a born over 20 years ago a beautiful, bouncing baby boy. But this reporter isn’t actually interesting in that. Gifted as he is, I doubt he could use a computer straight from birth. So we’re going to skip a bit to the summer of 2000.

Ahhhhhh, that fateful summer of 2000, when an inspired young Zeke chanced upon the idea of a “five minute” version of a popular television show Star Trek Voyager. The inspiration came from when his Grade 10 English class was studying Twelfth Night, and he saw something called "Five-Minute Twelfth Night" on his teacher's desk, proving that school is indeed useful for something. It was obvious that this idea was BIG and was defiantly going places. Naturally he needed a home for his work, and so Five Minute Voyager was born, and I, for one, am a very happy reporter because of it.

Pretty soon Zeke was busy “fiving” other series as well as Voyager, and the site had grown from a graphic with a couple of fivers to a top rated, multi fandom parody site. The demand for fivers was high and fans soon turned into guest writers. As more and more series began to appear on the site, Zeke acquired staff members by various ways and means, as well as a site manager to help him answer all his fan mail and requests for fivers. This reporter caught up with some of the staff, who wanted to pay tribute to Zeke, and in some cases, ask for a pay rise.

“I liked the concept from the start. The “fivers” were all extremely amusing. I saw the potential of the site and I wanted a part in it,” said Marc Richard, head of Five Minute: The Next Generation. “It’s been a step in the right direction of my total world domination-err, I mean, my peaceful hobby. Yes.”

“In contrast to the other section heads, I kept writing fivers until Zeke offered me a position in order to get me to stop.” said DS9 head Derek Dean. “It didn’t work of course.” This reporter was then subjected to 47 straight minutes of extremely over the top, evil laughter.

“Pay rise? You mean Zeke actually pays his staff members?” exclaimed The Original Series head IJDGAF.

As well as amusing the globe for 4 and a half years, Zeke has created a community full of diverse individuals. It takes some pretty special people to make 248 pages of word association, and that’s just on the current version of the forum. This reporter caught up with some famous forum faces.

“I think you’ll find its fora.” interjected Mr. Sa’ar Chasm.

“Zeke? Oh, he’s cool. He hasn’t cottoned on to my secret dried frog pill smuggling industry I run from the forums yet, so until he does we’re the best of buddies.” said long time forumgoer PointyHairedJedi.

When this reporter pointed out that it wasn’t so much of a secret anymore and he was actually being taped, Mr. Jedi became uncharacteristically violent. This reporter still has the bruises but is printing the story anyway. And don’t even think of coming after me because I have hired Taya17 as a body guard. 17 wasn’t available to comment in person due to a demanding schedule that has kept her away from the forums, err, fora, but has asked that Mr. Jedi be made aware of a glowing 5 mile long space station with his name on it. She also added, “You rule Zeke.”

Nan was found buried under a pile of paper and art equipment. From what this reporter could make out, she was busy making a “Zeke Rules, Beltran Drools” banner. I did not stop long enough to enquire as to why.

“Vote Lexy & Sab!” screamed Fuyu Ginga. While this reporter stopped the screaming and reminded Ms. Ginga of the nature of the interview, she did however allow the frenzied banner wavage to continue, and tolerated the flashing Janeway wearing santa hats earings. “Zeke PWNS!” was the final response gotten from her before she went back to hugging sig kitty and making Zeke an “I am the PWNAGE” badge.

I think forum members, staff members, and all 5MV fans alike will join me in saying Merry Christmas to Mr. Zeke and wish him the very best in his future 5MV endeavors. Keep it up, and Zeke, this is your (virtual, short due to extremely limited information) liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiife.

© Alexia 2004
Disclaimer: Some or all facts may be partially or completely made up. 100% unauthorized TJI done only for the amusement of myself and hopefully Zeke. What do you mean it’s not funny? I laughed ok?