[Nate the Great]

January 7, 1991, "Data's Day"

No fiver

The Episode

Second Officer's personal Log, Stardate 44390.1. Record entry for transmission to Commander Bruce Maddox, Cybernetics Division, Daystrom Institute.

Why is Data recording a letter WITHIN his personal log? What purpose does this serve?

RIKER: Nervous?
DATA: I cannot become nervous, sir. However, I do sense a certain anticipation regarding my role in the wedding.

I call anticipation an emotion. I get that they're trying to create Data-equivalents of the usual emotions, but they could've done better.

RIKER: Anything to report?
DATA: All systems normal, sir. Sickbay reports that Lieutenant Juarez went into labour at zero four hundred hours. We remain at station awaiting the arrival of Starship Zhukov and guest quarters have been prepared for Ambassador T'Pel.

Let's lump this entry with the report at the end....

WORF: All systems normal, sir. We are on course for Adelphous Four. Engineering is realigning the main deflector dish. Sickbay reports Lieutenant Umbato broke two ribs during a holodeck exercise, and sensors continue to gather long-range information on the Murasaki quasar.

This level of detail is just silly. I can understand the tradition of starting an official ship's log with the ship's current position and course, but I don't think women going into labor or ordinary broken ribs as appropriate for this sort of thing. That stuff should be in Crusher's log.

DATA: Will cancelling the wedding make you happy?
KEIKO: Yes. He'll probably be just as relieved as I am. Data, you introduced us to each other. You mean a lot to both of us.

Okay, we gotta talk about this a bit. Data is not capable of love himself, so how could he act as matchmaker? The weirder part is how he met Keiko in the first place. As a civilian specialist, does Botany really fall under Operations? (Meaningless aside, but I never liked the fact that there seemed to be no Science Officer on the E-D. Data did some of the job, but there was no chief blueshirt in the senior staff)

DATA: I have good news.
O'BRIEN: Oh?
DATA: Keiko has made a decision designed to increase her happiness. She has cancelled the wedding.

See, this gag works because of Data's obliviousness.

Second Officers personal log, supplemental. This is the one thousand five hundred fiftieth day since the Enterprise was commissioned. Besides the arrival of Ambassador T'Pel, other events occurring today include four birthdays, two personnel transfers, a celebration of the Hindu Festival of Lights, two chess tournaments, one secondary school play, and four promotions. Overall, an ordinary day.

It's Stardate 44390.1. 1550 days ago is 40143.5. That's March 24th, 2362. The ship was launched October 4th, 2363. The ship was commissioned a year and a half before it launched? Furthermore, I would think that Data would reference the launch data for this purpose.

Four birthdays means about 1400 people, I guess that's reasonable, although a little biased for one day. Three would be better.

The Hindu Festival of Lights takes place between mid-October and mid-November. 44390.1 is late April. Oops. Furthermore, it takes five days, not one. Oops again.

DATA [OC]: Sine I am not affected by emotional considerations, I am closer to being Vulcan than human. However, while their devotion to logic does have a certain appeal, I find their stark philosophy to be somewhat limited.

Ugh. There's a whole screed here. Vulcan philosophy isn't NO emotion, it's CONTROL of emotion. They use logic to control their minds and their actions, Data's mind IS logic.

RIKER: Charming woman.
DATA [OC]: The tone of Commander Riker's voice makes me suspect that he is not serious about finding Ambassador T'Pel charming. My experience suggests that in fact he may mean the exact opposite of what he says. irony is a form of expression I have not yet been able to master.

Good for you, Data. Knowing your limitations is a key step on the road to overcoming them.

LAFORGE: He didn't mean to blow up like that. He knows that Keiko probably doesn't want to call off the marriage. She's just getting cold feet.
DATA: Cold feet? Jitters. A nervous reaction to an impending event of great importance.
LAFORGE: Right. Don't worry, everything's going to be fine. She'll change her mind again.
DATA: She will?
LAFORGE: Absolutely.
DATA: So you believe the wedding will still proceed?
LAFORGE: Trust me, they're going to get married.

I get the need for the lesson, but Geordi isn't the one to give it given his history with women. This is a Riker conversation.

DATA [OC]: I find Lieutenant Worf to be what is called a kindred spirit. We were both orphans rescued by Starfleet officers. In many ways, we are both still outsiders in human society.

Another great joke. Data understands the surface properties of a kindred spirit, but none of the subtle underlying meaning. Worf is NOT a kindred spirit in this matter.

DATA: I would appreciate your help in selecting an appropriate item.
WORF: Of course. I have attended human weddings before.
(he runs through few pictures and stops at glasses)
WORF: Hold.
DATA: This is a traditional gift?
WORF: Yes, my adoptive parents often give these things at family weddings. A human custom.

The idea of Worf at a human wedding is hilarious. I've no doubt that he's on his best behavior, but I also have no doubt that it's an ongoing process. Furthermore, these "family weddings" can't refer to his brother, so I'd like to learn more about his cousins!

(he changes the picture to a glass swan)
WORF: Hold.
DATA: It is my understanding that the item selected should reflect the personality of whoever is giving it. This does not remind me of you.

I listed this on the funny moments page at TV Tropes years ago. It's absolutely hilarious how unlike Worf crystal knick-knacks are!

CRUSHER: Why me?
DATA: It was in your service record. Awarded first prize tap and jazz competition, Saint Louis Academy.

There are multiple St. Louis Academys. One is a Catholic school (K-8), the Academy of St. Louis is also a Catholic School (K-12), but it's the St. Louis Academy of Dance that was probably meant.

CRUSHER: It's just that, that was a long time ago, and I don't want to be known as the dancing doctor. Again.

I don't get this. If "Dancing Doctor" is supposed to be an insult, isn't that anti-perfect human?

Then again, I'm reminded of Ed Stevens. He's not a bowling alley lawyer. He owns a bowling alley, he is a lawyer, two separate things. Does anyone else remember Ed?

PICARD: Data, I want a tactical projection of possible future Romulan deployments along the Neutral Zone. Access all Federation records on the subject and report to my Ready Room.

Isn't this Worf's job?

DATA [OC]: It is fortunate that I am able to perform my duties without emotional distractions. If that were not the case, a sudden course correction toward the Neutral Zone would make me very nervous.

It's a shame the transcriber forgot to mention that Data's surprised to see his fingers nervously tapping the console.

DATA: Feline supplement seventy four.

You gotta wonder how many cat food recipes Data had to try out. At least he has infinite patience...

O'BRIEN: I came to ask for your help. It's about Keiko. I'd like you to talk to her. Convince her to go through with the wedding.
DATA: Would Counsellor Troi not be a more appropriate choice to speak with Keiko?
O'BRIEN: She already has. It didn't help. You've known her longer than I have. I just thought she might listen to you. She won't even talk to me.

I'd like to know what O'Brien thought Data could say.