[Nate the Great]

Entry Five: "The Tok'ra Part One"

CARTER: I just had a freaky dream. It must be the remnant of Jolinar. He was going to a new planet with some Tok'ra.
TEAL'C: The Tok'ra could be useful allies.
O'NEILL: Cool. Let's go.

Zzzz.....

CARTER: Hi Dad. I know you're dying of cancer but I have to go off on this mission.
JACOB: Where?
CARTER: Sorry, that's classified. Ciao!

Should've dialed back on the apathy, there must be a better yet still funny way to say that.

O'NEILL: I wonder where the Tok'ra are.
TEAL'C: Legend says that they live underground.
(The Tok'ra pop up)
CORDESH: Hi. We're the Tok'ra. Let's point our guns at each other to create tension.
O'NEILL: Cool.
TEAL'C: Indeed.

Nevist alert! Who cares about Tok'ra legends or the fact that they live underground? Do I use Teal'c's "Indeed" as the punchline of a scene too much?

HAMMOND: Jacob is dying. Guess I'd better go tell him Carter is gone.

Pointless scene, ugh.

CARTER: Hey, it's Martouf! Hi!
MARTOUF: How do you know me?
CARTER: I have the memories of Jolinar.
MARTOUF: Cool.

Should've invented a Martouf-specific word to use instead of "cool." He was something of an awkward geek, so...impressive? Awesome?

JACOB: Where is she?
HAMMOND: That's classified.
JACOB: Drat.

There had to be a way to make this funny. "I can't tell you for another ten minutes of screentime"? "The script says it's too soon to tell you?"

GARSHAW: I'm the Tok'ra in charge here.
O'NEILL: Great. We'd like to form an alliance with you.
GARSHAW: You are too primitive. Request denied.

Should've spun off the "too primitive" thing into a joke. "You're so primitive you still think professional wrestling/cup stacking/etc. is a real sport."

NURSE: Jacob's dying. If you can reach Carter, you'd better do it.
HAMMOND: Even though I've lost contact with SG-1 I'll send SG-3 into possible danger to get Carter.

Ugh, should've restructured the whole fiver so I didn't have to say "Jacob's dying" so much.

YOSUF: This is Selmak. She's dying. If you want to ally with us one of you must become her new host.
TEAL'C: I'm at capacity, sorry.
O'NEILL: I pass.
DANIEL: Sorry.
CARTER: I've already held my Goa'uld for the year.
MARTOUF: I have to take Carter outside to talk about Jolinar.
CARTER: OK.

"At capacity"? The joke is "My tank is already topped off", Nate!

MARTOUF: Jolinar and I were lovers.
CARTER: Okay......
MARTOUF: And coincidently, her former host looked like you.
CARTER: Who would've guessed?

Hey look, I didn't use spellchecker again!

CORDESH: Hey, lookie at my mysterious crystal ball! Trust me, I'll explain in part two.

This joke needs expansion.

MAKEPEACE: Hi. Hammond sent us to get Carter because her dad is dying.
CARTER: Drat.
TEAL'C: Indeed.
GARSHAW: Since you won't become Selmak's new host, I'm afraid we're going to have to keep you here until we move on.
O'NEILL: Why?
GARSHAW: Because you might blab about which planet we're on. Cue the ominous music.

"Drat" isn't strong enough, but I can't think of a replacement.