O'BRIEN: I gave you that. In a place called McKinley Park. Green grass. Tall trees.
KEIKO: Please don't.
O'BRIEN: I hid the bracelet in your pocket. You were surprised.
How long did Miles and Keiko date, anyway? All we know is that Data introduced them to each other, which indicates that it was onboard the ship. Taking a vacation back to Earth seems like a big deal, probably they met each other's families at the same time.
DATA: Pick one to die, Captain, or I kill them both.
"This is why only fools are heroes. Because you never know when some lunatic will come along with a sadistic choice..."
TROI: We were brought to this moon over five centuries ago from a star system called Ux-Mal. We were separated from our bodies and left to drift in the storms. Once we almost escaped, on board the Essex, but that ship was incapable of eluding this moon's electromagnetic storms.
Uxmal was a city of the Mayan empire. I don't know if this is intentional or not.
PICARD: If you each know the officers you inhabit, then you know they're equally ready to give their lives for this ship. Free them now and I will return you to the moon's surface.
TROI: I advise you, Picard, not to pass our way again.
Like he would, anyway. They have to know that Picard will designate this planet as a no-fly zone and nobody will ever come here again. There isn't even anything the Romulans would want, this place is less hospitable than even Galordan Core.
The Fiver
Data: The signal appears to be a subspace distress call from the USS Essex, sir. It was lost with all hands one hundred and seventy years ago.
Riker: Why Captain, that must have been about when you were going through the Academy.
One hundred seventy? Where'd that come from? Like I said before, it's been 201 years!
Worf: We've lost contact with the away team, sir.
Picard: What we need here are some recurring characters to the rescue. Ensign Ro?
Ensign Ro: Yes, Captain?
Picard: Get me Chief O'Brien.
Burn!
Lightning: CRACK!
Away Team: OW!
Troi: Hey, floating light things!
Riker: Shh! We're supposed to be unconscious!
O'Brien: Data too? That doesn't make sense....
Riker: Unconscious!
Since when do fivers make sense?
Crusher: Will has a broken arm. Chief O'Brien and Data are fine... only they keep muttering "werc esirpretne eht llik" in their sleep.
Troi: I'm sure it's nothing.
"Kill the Enterprise crew." I thought backward talk was for crazy people only.
Troi: Ye scurvy dogs, ye be ruinin' the plan! What be we to do now?
Data: Arrr! Leave it to me, me hearties; this robot be takin' over the ship before. 'Tis easy!
O'Brien: But they be knowin' how to stop yar, seein' ye've done it before?
Data: Ye'd think so, but nar.
Does the "no contractions" thing just apply to when Data's mind is in charge, or does the programming extend to his actual mouth?
Troi: Avast, ye scurvy dogs! Down on the floor, or ye be keelhauled by the scuppers!
Keiko: Miles? What's going on?
O'Brien: This be a mutiny! Now face to the deck before we make ye walk the plank!
Keiko: Oh, you are so sleeping on the couch tonight.
"Keelhauled" means looping a rope under the ship, tying it to a person, and dragging them under the ship from one side to the other as punishment. "Scuppers" are holes along the rails of the deck to allow water to drain out. This is a nonsense statement.
Troi: Yarrr! Move yer ship to th' southern polar region, or we be killin' Jack.
Picard: (over the comm) Actually, my name is Jean-Luc.
Data: Not you! We named the monkey Jack.
Worf: What did you call me?
This is a Pirates of the Caribbean reference. Curse of the Black Pearl came out in 2003 and the fiver was written in 2004.
Of course, my mind goes to Indiana Jones. We called the DOG Indiana!
Picard: Ensign, move the ship to the southern polar region. Very, very slowly.
Ro: Aye, sir. Activating Star Trek: The Motion Picture super slow motion.
Well, that's just inhuman! Good thing Ro is doing it.
Someone actually compiled all of the extended exterior shots from STTMP into one video. Twenty-five minutes! Talk about the Slow-Motion Picture. At least the music is good...
Crusher: I've detected unusual synaptic activity in Troi, O'Brien, and Data --
Picard: Since when does Data have synapses?
Crusher: Don't interrupt my exposition.
It's a good point. How could these things even know how to move around a positronic brain?
O'Brien: Yarr... this wench and little 'un be familiar.
Keiko: Wench?
You should see Rosalind Chao in action in the movie White Ghost (or just watch Spoony's review). She stabs people in the crotch with scissors and everything!
Picard: Oh, and Commander, don't forget the blue penguin flies at midnight. Picard out.
Ro: Do you know what his plan is, Commander?
Riker: I have no idea what he's talking about
: everybody knows penguins can't fly.
Unless you're in a horrible Don Bluth movie, that is.
Picard: I know you're not really Captain Shumar.
Troi: Yarr, we be exiled criminals, marooned on this moon for ages. What be givin' us away?
Picard: Captain Shumar drank tea, chamomile, lukewarm, not rum.
The only known chamomile tea drinker in Trek is T'Pol.
Troi: It was very strange. I could sense things, but I didn't really know what was going on and I had no power to do anything.
Picard: You're talking about your possession, right?
Troi: Yes, I -- hey!
Burn!
Data: I am sorry I compared you to a primate, Lieutenant.
Worf: bortaS bIr jablu'DI'reH QaQqu'nay!
Data: "Revenge is a dish best served cold"? It appears I will have to ask Geordi to repair my translation matrix.
This is accurate, now watch
Sheldon on Big Bang Theory say it!
Keiko: Well, you should be sorry. How would you like it if I were possessed by some evil being that made you do all sorts of horrible things?
O'Brien: You mean made you do all sorts of horrible things.
Keiko: Whatever.
"The Assignment" is not an episode of DS9 that I revisit. Like I've said, I don't like "O'Brien Must Suffer" episodes.
Memory Alpha
* The creators gave the unofficial names Slash, Buzz, and Slugger to the entities in Troi, Data, and O'Brien, respectively.
* Sirtis broke her tailbone doing the stunt where they were thrown backward by the storm. I remember this bit from the special "Journey's End: The Saga of STTNG".
* First appearance of the pattern enhancers.
Nitpicker's Guide
* Picard threatens to kill the entities by blowing the cargo bay hatch. Does it seem likely that these things need oxygen to survive?