November 9th, 1992, "A Fistful of Datas"
Time to have some fun...
Fiver by Derek
The Episode
Captain's log, stardate 46271.5. The Enterprise has entered orbit of Deinonychus Seven, but our scheduled rendezvous with the supply ship Biko has been delayed for another forty eight hours. In the meantime, many members of the crew are taking advantage of the delay to pursue their own projects, myself included.
There wasn't a nearby planet you could explore for two days?
LAFORGE: Captain we'd like your permission to take the Engineering computer offline for a couple of hours. We're working on a new interface that would allow Data to act as an emergency backup in the event of a ship-wide systems failure.
All three of the computer cores is redundant with the others, that's the point. Isolating the stardrive section core shouldn't affect anything unless there was severe battle damage.
As for Data being a backup, I'm okay with this as long as they're not implying that Data can replace an entire core.
WORF: I was hoping to take advantage of the Biko's delay by staging shipwide security drills. I have planned a tentative schedule.
PICARD: Oh yes, this is very impressive, Mister Worf. But we'll be taking on new personnel at Starbase one eighteen in a few weeks. Surely the drills can wait until then.
I get that Worf is looking for a reason not to hang out with Alexander, but he could've picked a better excuse.
WORF: Where are we?
ALEXANDER: Deadwood. Nineteenth century Earth. The Ancient West.
Deadwood is in South Dakota. It was a gold rush town and there are still many casinos there. Wild Bill Hickok was killed there. I've probably traveled through it at least once. This episode is mentioned on its Wikipedia page (I can't remember the last type I typed Wikipedia instead of The Other Wiki like we do on TV Tropes).
DATA: Geordi, I have noticed that you have not shaved. Are you attempting to grow another beard?
LAFORGE: As a matter of fact, I am, Data. What do you think?
This time he was growing the beard for his wedding. I find it amusing that Avery Brooks had to fight so long to grow a beard but Burton did it casually a few times.
(a woman in a state of extreme undress whistles at Worf from a balcony)
WORF: You wrote this holodeck programme yourself?
ALEXANDER: Well, Mister Barclay helped a little.
WORF: I must have a little talk with Mister Barclay.
I put this one on the Funny Moments page on TV Tropes years ago. As I said all those years ago, "You can only imagine the results of
that little chat!"
(the Mexican laughs)
ELI: Shut up. You laugh so much, it's a wonder you ain't got flies in your mouth.
BANDITO: You're a very funny man, Senor Eli.
Did anyone else ever get Three Amigos vibes from this guy?
(Eli's hat it blown off by a gunshot from the doorway)
TROI: I suggest you find a new line of work.
ALEXANDER: I asked Counsellor Troi to join us. She loves Western stories.
...
TROI: My father used to read me stories from the Ancient West when I was a little girl. I must admit, I always wanted to play the part of the mysterious stranger.
From what we've seen of Ian Troi, this one doesn't make much sense. Couldn't this have been a story about Troi's paternal grandparents?
I must admit to not being terribly fond of westerns, although my father loved them, especially the John Wayne ones.
CRUSHER: Okay, let's work through Act two from the beginning. Whenever you're ready.
(Riker mimes entering through a door, then reads from his PADD)
RIKER: Felis catus, is your taxonomic nomenclature. An endothermic quadruped, carnivorous by nature.
CRUSHER: Hold it. Will, what are you reading?
RIKER: The lines. Why?
CRUSHER: That's not the right dialogue.
(She takes his PADD)
CRUSHER: Your visual, olfactory, and auditory senses contribute to
RIKER: I recognise it. This is Data's poetry.
CRUSHER: What? The play's gone. I just keep getting more poetry.
Have I posted the
Doubleclick's version of Ode to Spot yet?
DATA: Feline supplement one hundred twenty seven. Spot, I have formulated a new mixture of foods specifically designed for your highly selective tastes.
It's always hilarous to think that Data spends his free time trying to come up with the best cat food recipe. It's only a shock that he's
only up to Formula 127. Well, that and the surprising lack of a 47 reference.
ANNIE: Nope. What'll you have?
WORF: Klingon fire wine.
Surprisingly this is the only appearance of Klingon fire wine. Even the novels missed this one. I wonder why he didn't ask for Chech'tluth, it would've been a great reference.
DATA: When the interface malfunction occurred, subroutine C forty seven was replaced by elements from my personal programming.
RIKER: What does C forty seven control?
LAFORGE: Library computer access, replicator selection, recreational programming. No critical systems.
Maybe they were saving the 47 joke for here.
ANNIE: You would not believe what I went through to get old man Newsom to give up his telegraph machine.
(Worf looks the morse code transmitter over)
WORF: Excellent.
If Worf can make
anything out of this stuff, then maybe Starfleet Engineers really CAN turn rocks into replicators!
ALEXANDER: Father? After what happened I guess you'll never want to go back to the Ancient West.
WORF: The town of Deadwood may face danger once again. If they do, they will need a Sheriff and a deputy.
(Worf goes into the main room, puts on his stetson and tries a quick draw in front of the mirror. He smiles, and the Enterprise flies off into the sunset)
Even Memory Alpha doesn't admit that this is a blatant reference to Back to the Future III.
The Fiver
Captain's Log: We're not doing much of anything right now, and I think we all know what
that means.
Time to play TNG Bingo?
Bandit: There are many, many wanted posters of you, Eli.
Eli: Would you say there are a plethora of wanted posters?
Bandit: Sí, you have a plethora.
Worf: Do you even know what a plethora is?
Alexander: Sigh. Why don't we try this again without quoting
The Three Amigos?
Not a chance, Mr. Woof!
Eli: That doesn't really strike a chord with me.
Worf: Oh, ha ha, that's about as funny as a screen door on a battleship.
Troi: It's submarine, Worf. Screen door on a submarine.
Worf: D'oh!
Why "D'oh!" instead of continuing the Back to the Future joke?
Worf: You realize you're just feeding the 'shippers by being here with me.
Troi: What 'shippers? We won't have 'shippers until next season.
That's a loaded question and a minefield that I don't care to enter.
Riker: (reading from PADD) There was a Lieutenant named Yar, who was killed --
This is a reference to the Schisms fiver. Amazingly the Trek Today is higher on the Google results than this site's.
Data/Frank: Howdy, Sheriff. Wondering where your deputy is?
Worf: Not really. I figured he was going to pull a Parent Trap and leave Troi and me trapped on the Holodeck.
It's too early for that to work. For that matter, this scene didn't really appear in Parent Trap, it was the climax of Parent Trap II.
Have any of you even seen Parent Trap II?
Troi: You got shot!
Worf: Despite your Western attire, you still manage to state the obvious.
Troi: But it's a holographic gun, it shouldn't hurt you.
Worf: It's not the spectre of the gun that hurts me as much as the spectre of the bullet.
Ha ha.
Data: We reckon that these here ship problems are from our attempt at doing something useful.
Riker: Then maybe we should shut down all the affected systems until they're repaired.
La Forge: Ahem. This is a holodeck episode.
Riker: Oh, right. Never mind.
Is this a better place for a Starfleet regulations gag or a contract gag?
Data/Frank: We should do a classic shoot-out like they have in most Westerns.
Worf: I agree. What time? High noon?
Data/Frank: Noon? I do my killing after dinner. 7 o'clock!
Worf: 6 o'clock. I do my killing before dinner.
Data/Frank: (confused) Don't you guys normally bargain for a later shoot-out time?
Exactly. Why do a Back to the Future III gag if you're not going to do it right?
Worf: No, I thought we could settle this like men.
Data/Frank: You thought wrong, dude.
Worf: Then I thought we could settle this with technobabble.
"No, have mercy!"
Memory Alpha
* A subplot where Alexander was trying to get Worf and Troi was removed. Thank goodness, I NEVER liked that pairing. And there's so much more of it in the episodes to come...
* First appearance of the Ressikan flute since "The Inner Light." This might have been a setup for "Lessons" later.
* Even though Deadwood is in South Dakota, the map in Worf's office is of Arizona. Oops.
* Supposedly there hadn't been a holodeck malfunction episode in three seasons.
Nitpicker's Guide
* Eli hears Troi call her character Durango, but doesn't tell this to Frank. Oops.
* Amazingly the sheet music Picard looks at is actually of the music that he's playing!
* Phil thinks that a conflict exists between this episode and "Disaster" about Data interfacing with the computer. I don't. In "Disaster" he was interfacing with a specific computer to work around the damage preventing traditional input. In this episode he's actually connecting to a majority of the computer core.
* Why didn't Worf use his communicator to ask for help?
* Somehow Worf's accuracy with a revolver in this episode is way better than when he used a phaser in "Rascals."