November 16th, 1992, "The Quality of Life"
I just realized that the title is a pun. Did that really take thirty years?
In retrospect I'm irked that they never got the Universal Translator on the case. It can talk to a CLOUD, but not a robot?
Fiver by Marc
The Episode
CRUSHER: Seven card stud, one-eyed jacks are wild.
The one-eyed jacks are Hearts and Spades.
RIKER: Frankly, Geordi, I like the beard.
LAFORGE: Thank you, Commander.
I don't think that Geordi ever looked good in a beard. He has too much of a babyface for them to look good.
CRUSHER: You know, I have always been a little suspicious of men with beards.
WORF: Why is that?
CRUSHER: I don't know. It's as if they're trying to hide something.
Like what? I don't understand this at all. At the very least, it depends on the beard. While you could argue that someone with a full Santa beard could be hiding something, a well-trimmed goatee is another story.
LAFORGE: Some of the most distinguished men in history have worn beards, Doctor.
Some of the most distinquished men in history HAD to wear beards because shaving tech wasn't very advanced. It was hardly a fashion statement.
CRUSHER: I know. But after the razor was invented I think beards became mostly a fashion statement.
And? So? I loathe when people make observations as though they were actual arguments.
WORF: I'm not concerned with fashion. To a Klingon, a beard is a symbol of courage.
RIKER: I think it's a sign of strength.
CRUSHER: Sure, and of course, women can't grow beards.
So all men wear beards to show dominance over women because they can't? Talk about a generalization so broad that it ceases to be a valid argument!
LAFORGE: Doctor, it sounds to me like you feel beards are nothing more than an affectation.
CRUSHER: I do. But there's nothing wrong with that. I mean, women wear makeup and nail polish. I just think it's time you men admitted it.
And if they did, what then? What are you trying to accomplish? This whole thing smacks of something that's become all too common in the modern age: improving your own self-esteem by tearing down someone else's. Which isn't a healthy thing, not to mention being completely antithetical to the Roddenberry ideal. So people in the future can have sexual relationships of every shape and composition, but don't you dare show individuality via haircuts or makeup! Hypocritical much, Doctor?
LAFORGE: Wait a minute, wait a minute. What if you lose? What are you going to give up?
CRUSHER: I'm open for suggestions.
RIKER: Well, I've always wanted to see you as a brunette.
CRUSHER: Oh, I did that once when I was thirteen. I couldn't change back fast enough.
Why brunette? If you wanted a natural hair color for McFadden that would look bad, I would go for full bleached blonde before brunette.
Captain's log, stardate 46307.2. We have just come into orbit of Tyrus Seven A to monitor progress on the Tyran particle fountain, a radically new mining technology.
As I understand it, the idea is to use a special kind of tractor beam to bring up rocks from the surface. I must admit to being dubious about tractor beams staying so uniform acting through a planet's atmosphere. And you
would need this beam to stay within very tight parameters to keep lifting rocks for that long.
LAFORGE: Doctor Farallon. The original design called for the particle fountain to lift five hundred kilograms per minute from the surface. So far we haven't come close to that.
FARALLON: (an alien lady) Well, that's why I want to increase the stream density. That should boost the lift capacity by seventy two percent.
LAFORGE: Yeah, but you realise of course you're going to be overloading the field generators in the process.
FARALLON: Not if we distribute the overload evenly throughout the system.
There are times when I despise the gimmick of "just add more power and it'll be fine!" The system was designed for X, you can't make it 1.5X without breaking things.
For that matter, what does it matter how fast the particle stream is going, as long as it works? Aren't we still at the point where we want to perfect the technology without worrying about quotas?
LAFORGE: Stand by. I'm sorry, Doctor, I think we're going to have to shut it down.
FARALLON: It took four months to get the particle flux up to this level. If we shut down, it'll take another four months just to get it back.
So? People's safety is more important than ore! Furthermore, you are here to perfect the tech, not worry about quotas!
FARALLON: Then we'll just have to fix the power grid.
LAFORGE: Yeah, bow do we do that? The defective grid is two hundred metres down conduit A two. We have to disassemble four bulkheads just to get to it.
Well, that's an obvious design flaw. On the Enterprise EVERYTHING is easily accessible!
LAFORGE: Boridium power converter.
Boridium has several uses around Trek. You can make knives out of it, the Romulans use it as a power source, etc. Supposedly it is Element 121, something we've yet to discover. Memory Beta speculates that subspace science could create such superheavy elements.
DATA: You have incorporated a micro-replication system into the device in order to fashion tools.
I actually don't have a problem with this. No doubt tools would require a simpler base material and simpler replicator patterns.
FARALLON: I think I can complete the project and boost the efficiency of the particle stream if I use exocomps, the new devices I've constructed.
So why didn't you do this before the Enterprise arrived? Were you waiting for official permission and the emergency rushed your timetable?
FARALLON: Sometimes an exocomp starts forming large numbers of new pathways totally at random. Eventually, it reaches a point where it shuts down. Just like this one.
DATA: Doctor, the new pathways do not appear to be interfering with the original circuitry.
FARALLON: Once the exocomp is this badly corrupted, it's useless. You have to erase the unit and start all over again, and there's no time for that now.
I have trouble with this concept. Surely by the 24th century every device will make a detailed log of why it does ANYTHING. Go back in the records and look! Furthermore, it seems that Farallon is the only one tinkering with these things, surely she's been writing a manual on how these things work as she goes!