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Old 10-03-2022, 04:32 AM
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LAFORGE: Reg, there's a lot of energy floating around in the beam. Maybe you saw a surge in the matter stream.
BARCLAY: Yeah.



What? The transporter doesn't open a localized wormhole that sends you to another pad, it rips you apart into your component molecules! You shouldn't experience anything other than blackness during transport because your eyes don't exist, your ears don't exist, etc.


O'BRIEN: I'll run a scan on the Heisenberg compensators.



What do the Heisenberg compensators have to do with anything? They make it possible for the transporter to lock onto individual atoms and manipulate them, they don't have anything to do with the experience of someone in the beam.


BARCLAY: Well, if I didn't know so much about these things, maybe they wouldn't scare me so much. I can still remember the day in Doctor Olafson's Transporter Theory class when he was talking about the body being converted into billions of kiloquads of data, zipping through subspace, and I realised there's no margin for error. One atom out of place and poof! You never come back. It's amazing people aren't lost all the time.



Billions of kiloquads=teraquads.

Oh, boy, do the Trek writers not give a darn about what prefix to attach to "quad" when describing amounts of data. For example, the Voyager crew only got 60 teraquads of data out of scanning the graviton ellipse, The Doctor accumulated 1000 teraquads of data about his hobbies when his actual program is only 50,000 teraquads. I could go on, but I won't.


LAFORGE: Reg, how many transporter accidents have there been in the last ten years? Two? Three? There are millions of people who transport safely every day without a problem.



Actually, the population of the Federation at this time is 985 billion. I refuse to believe that over 99% of Federation citizens live in places where they never need to transport. Throw in the other galactic powers and this statement becomes even more ridiculous.


BARCLAY: Water.
COMPUTER: Specify temperature.
BARCLAY: I don't care. Just give me water!



Wouldn't the replicator be preset to make beverages at room temperature if another temperature isn't given?


BARCLAY: All right, Computer, let's try some music. Something soothing.



Oh, sure, THIS one the computer can pick a random result for! Grumble, grumble...


O'BRIEN: Sir, begging your pardon, but couldn't this wait til the morning?
BARCLAY: No. Chief.



Given that there are multiple transporter rooms on board, wouldn't O'Brien have a staff that covers for him when he's sleeping? This isn't TOS where there's only one transporter room and all transporter use is known in advance.


PICARD: Commander La Forge, get Mister O'Brien. Take that transporter system apart piece by piece if you have to. Mister Worf, I want a level three security alert until further notice.



What does any of this have to do with ship's security?


LAFORGE: It looks like he pushed molecular dispersion past the integrity point. Your patterns got caught in the beam.
BARCLAY: The residual energy from the plasma streamer. It must've amplified the charge in the buffer enough to keep your patterns from degrading.



Oh, the lecture on misused Treknology that I could give...


The Fiver


Barclay: Not me. I'm not finished working on this computer console.
La Forge: What are you doing with it?
Barclay: Trying to locate the text of the Twenty-Third Psalm.



Though I walk through the valley of death I shall fear no evil? Not sure of the applicability of this one.


Troi: Reg, what made you run away like that?
Barclay: Transporter phobia. Actually, more like transporter freakoutia in my case.
Troi: You mean you've never used a transporter?
Barclay: Never. I prefer to travel by Starfleet shuttlecraft -- they're much safer.



Ha ha. Unless you're on the Rio Grande, your safety is never assured.


Barclay: Has a flying sock puppet ever bitten your arm in the transporter beam?
La Forge: No. Why do you ask?
Barclay: It was, um, just sort of a nervous hypothetical question.
La Forge: Reg, get a grip on yourself. Transporters are the safest way to travel.
Barclay: Tell that to what's left of Commander Sonak.



Sonak, along with Lori Ciana, died back in STTMP. What we got back didn't live long and all that...


Barclay: Computer, what are the symptoms of transporter psychosis?
Computer: Stuttering, social ineptitude, chronic jitters and hypochondria.
Barclay: I'm doomed.



Ha ha.


O'Brien: Meet my pet tarantula.
Barclay: She's kind of intimidating.
O'Brien: I thought so too until the day I tried to feed Data's cat.



Actually I think Spot would like O'Brien better than Geordi or Worf.


Memory Alpha


* This is the episode where O'Brien's pips are finally correct (one hollow pip). It was necessary for this episode for Barclay to outrank him.
* The only other usage of a first-person perspective of a transport is "Prototype."
* Barclay asks Geordi if he ever had an unusual transporter experience. Geordi doesn't mention being phase cloaked in "The Next Phase." Oops.
* Jeri Taylor doesn't understand why this episode isn't as popular. I do, it's a "people think a crewman is crazy" episode combined with a "someone seems like they're not Starfleet material" episode.



Nitpicker's Guide


* Crusher says that Lieutenant Kelley didn't die from his burns, but we never find out what did kill him.
* Why didn't Barclay ask one of the others to repeat his experience to see the "worms?"
* Phil is confused about O'Brien's new rank.

* Why didn't the medical monitor tell Crusher when Barclay collapsed and started glowing blue?
* How come Barclay can order O'Brien around when Troi has relieved him of duty?
* Barclay asks the computer for music, but he didn't ask for the lights to be lowered. Oops.


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