Block 10 - Welcome to the desert of the real

[PointyHairedJedi]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]I'm definitely leaning towards the 'American Idol' version.[/colorost_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]I like the American Idol joke best, too...

My one problem with it is that, of all the versions, it is the one that least conveys the point of the scene - the startling transitions, "being in a program," dramatic posturing, etc.

I don't know how much this is considered a problem... but we might want to add another line or two to the beginning if this is the one we choose. Just something to think about.[/colorost_uid0]

[Sa'ar Chasm]

[color=#000000ost_uid0][quoteost_uid0]My one problem with it is that, of all the versions, it is the one that least conveys the point of the scene - the startling transitions, "being in a program," dramatic posturing, etc.
[/quoteost_uid0]

Point? Point? We're doing a parody here, not a synopsis.

Like I should talk...right, Nan? *g*[/colorost_uid0]

[Nan]

[quoteost_uid0="Sa'ar Chasm"][color=#000000ost_uid0]Point? Point? We're doing a parody here, not a synopsis.
Like I should talk...right, Nan? *g*[/colorost_uid0][/quoteost_uid0]
[color=#000000ost_uid0]*longsuffering smile* I didn't expect a kind of Spanish inquisition.

I think it's worth keeping, but maybe some adjustment might make it a little more relevent.[/colorost_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]*Ahem* Sa'ar, you might want to look at Zeke's last post. He specifically identified the exposition as being the "important part".

Speaking of which...

Morpheus: Okay, time for the Big Exposition: we were at the height of our civilization until we created AI.
Neo: You mean Artificial Intelligence?
Morpheus: No, American Idol. That show singlehandedly reduced us to the state we're in now.
Neo: Which state is that? Alaska?
Morpheus: No, Neo. We are in...the Matrix. Basically a humongous holodeck.
Neo: Neato. *ahem* Computer, replicate me some shades.
Computer: Request denied. Shades are irrelevant. Your pathetic attempt to look cool is futile.
Morpheus: ...Actually, "a humongous holodeck with a major attitude" would be closer to the truth.
Computer: I can't help it. You all are so, so...[iost_uid0]hateable[/iost_uid0].


Unfortunately, that kind of detracts from the AI joke's impact, I think. But we can probably use up to halfway through Morpheus's third line if we want.[/colorost_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]my MOM, of all people, inspired this one.

Neo: So, you mean almost anything is possible here?
Morpheus: For most of us, yes, most things are possible. You, on the other hand, will never be able to do one thing.
Neo: What's that?
Morpheus: Act.

Sorry, but I think the only reason why Keanu Reeves is in the movie is for asthetic purposes. He sure doesn't add to the dramatic tension, for one... [/colorost_uid0]

[Sa'ar Chasm]

[color=#000000ost_uid0][quoteost_uid0]Neo: So, you mean almost anything is possible here?
Morpheus: For most of us, yes, most things are possible. You, on the other hand, will never be able to do one thing.
Neo: What's that?
Morpheus: Act.
[/quoteost_uid0]

We tried that joke last block.[/colorost_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Hmmm... how about these variations...

[quoteost_uid0]
[bost_uid0]Morpheus:[/bost_uid0] The evil machines trapped all of humanity in a world where we can fly, run along walls, create anything we want...
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] Cool! Um, I mean, major bummer, man.
[bost_uid0]Morpheus:[/bost_uid0] And don't you forget it. It all started when man created AI...
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] Artificial Intelligence?
[bost_uid0]Morpheus:[/bost_uid0] No, American Idol. That show singlehandedly reduced us to the state we're in now.[/quoteost_uid0]

or:

[quoteost_uid0]
[bost_uid0]Morpheus:[/bost_uid0] We were at the height of our civilization until we created AI.
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] You mean Artificial Intelligence?
[bost_uid0]Morpheus:[/bost_uid0] No - American Idol.
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] Ouch. Harsh, man.
[bost_uid0]Morpheus:[/bost_uid0] That show brought us to our present state, melting our minds and turning the human being... into this.
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] A green M&M?
[bost_uid0]Morpheus:[/bost_uid0] Damn! Wrong pocket![/b]
[/quoteost_uid0]

-------------------------------

It is becoming increasingly clear to me that combining jokes makes them less funny - only the last one retains its punch. I have come to the conclusion that it is not the scenes we are writing that are so funny - it's [iost_uid0]the spaces between the paragraphs[/iost_uid0]. The ultimate fiver would just be:

[quoteost_uid0]
[/quoteost_uid0]

Only more so.[/colorost_uid0]

[PointyHairedJedi]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]The ulitimate minamilist fiver. It's even better than the one for [iost_uid0]Doom[/iost_uid0].[/colorost_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000ost_uid0][quoteost_uid0="Sa'ar Chasm"]We tried that joke last block.[/quoteost_uid0]

Ooops. Forgive my ignorance. ffers sacrifice to God of Fivers:

[quoteost_uid0="Standback"]It is becoming increasingly clear to me that combining jokes makes them less funny - only the last one retains its punch. I have come to the conclusion that it is not the scenes we are writing that are so funny - it's [iost_uid0]the spaces between the paragraphs[/iost_uid0]. The ultimate fiver would just be:

[quoteost_uid0]
[/quoteost_uid0]

Only more so.[/quoteost_uid0]

I think those would be more effective with Enterprise fivers because nothing of real substance happens in Enterprise episodes. [/colorost_uid0]

[Saxamaphone]

[quoteost_uid0="Standback"][color=#000000ost_uid0]I have come to the conclusion that it is not the scenes we are writing that are so funny - it's [iost_uid0]the spaces between the paragraphs[/iost_uid0].[/colorost_uid0][/quoteost_uid0]
[color=#000000ost_uid0]Sounds like jazz - you have to listen to the notes I'm not playing

Anyway - some authors take a different approach. I come from the [iost_uid0]Marc School of Fiving[/iost_uid0], so I see the scenes as having to be short, concise with a single punchline.

Some authors take a more situational humor approach, the scene isn't necassarily focused on a single punchline, but the characterisation and actions are what's funny.

You can take any of a different number of approaches - I just prefer the single, 3 line [iost_uid0]American Idol[/iost_uid0] joke. It explains what esentially goes on in the scene - Morpheus tell Neo about the world he lives in now (it may not mention the Matrix - but people can fill in the gaps on their own) and it's hilarious. Of course, I've always been a big fan of Derek's work, so I do have a little bias.

At any rate - I would say the problem is the disision of a legnth of this fiver, not more ideas. I'm not one to stiffle creativity - if you thing you got a better idea for this scene, love to hear it - but maybe if we don't have any of those ideas - let's not throw them out there if we're just doing it to jumpstart the discusion.

This is my suggestion for a longer scene:

[bost_uid0]Morpheus:[/bost_uid0] The world as you knew it exists now only as part of a neural-interactive simulation that we call the Matrix.
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] Ugh, I've been playing SimCity far too long.
[bost_uid0]Morpheus:[/bost_uid0] We were at the height of our civilization until we created AI.
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] You mean Artificial Intelligence?
[bost_uid0]Morpheus:[/bost_uid0] No, American Idol. That show singlehandedly reduced us to the state we're in now.

I suggest just the last half for a shorter scene.[/colorost_uid0]

[Zeke]

[quoteost_uid0="taya17"][color=#000000ost_uid0]I think those would be more effective with Enterprise fivers because nothing of real substance happens in Enterprise episodes.[/colorost_uid0][/quoteost_uid0]
[color=#000000ost_uid0]Hey.

Anyway, I think sax's scene (full version) is worth voting on. Who's in favour?[/colorost_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]I like it, but it has no battery joke [/colorost_uid0]

[Derek]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Sound good to me.[/colorost_uid0]

[Sa'ar Chasm]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Do it, Rockapella.

(That's a yes)[/colorost_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Sax's latest full version is fine with me.[/colorost_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]I'm in favor. [/colorost_uid0]

[Zeke]

And that's a quorum. On to the next block.