Most desired Sci-Fi Invention

[Chancellor Valium]

Henry Watson Fowler, author of Fowler's Modern English Usage.

[Nate the Great]

Uh, yeah. Maybe we should move away from what's the "correct" way to speak English. At least for me, there are really three categories of English speakers (native English speakers, I guess I should clarify):

"Correct" speakers=those people who not only never use slang, they never even use contractions unless it's absolutely necessary. Oh, and when they say Kleenix, you know they mean KLEENIX, and not any old generic knockoff.
"Normal" speakers=the majority of people who use the language. Kleenix means any facial tissue. Contractions are a must, but you'll still find 95% of the words they say in the dictionary. Also "talk right" is just as valid as "speak correctly."
"Casual" speakers=the ones who can say "dude" with a zillion different connotations to indicate a zillion different meanings. Duuuuuuddddeee, DUDE, deude, ad nauseum. They can also insert words like "um," or "like" next to any imaginary comma in their speech, or every four words, whichever comes first.

To save you guys the effort; these are humorous categories. If they don't evoke a laugh, then I must go off and live in a state of utter disgrace: New Jersey. (Bonus points for identifiers of the inventor of this joke)

[e of pi]

Dave Barry, referencing Ex-Prez Nixon.

[Nate the Great]

Bonus points for you. Dave Barry will always be one of those people who have a quote for any situation. That's a rare accomplishment. The only other sources I can think of at the moment are Shakespeare, Friends, and the Bible. There's a trifecta, huh?

[Chancellor Valium]

Why should we move away from using the language correctly? It means that you can read what is written with greater clarity, hear what is said with less confusion, and it generally makes for an easier time of things, whereas ifutlklkthszomfgitsoooooodifftorednundrstndinnitbr uv?!!?, 0|2 |!|<3 th15, a5 \/\/3||, l0lz0r!!!111!!!oneone!!1!

Also, contractions are fine. Contracting words that shouldn't be contracted isn't.

[Nate the Great]

Never said that contractions weren't fine, just that some people are anal about never using them. I'm not. I even use ain't and tisn't.

Contracting words that shouldn't. Like 'sup and tisnt, I suppose.

I suppose we can return to The Dave and Willy the Hat Shakespeare for more examples:

Hamlet: O did'st thine vesper'd dreams 'ere burnt the day?
Nor can'st thou findest not plums in frinklewhey?
Gertrude: What?

[mudshark]

Originally Posted by Chancellor Valium

Why should we move away from using the language correctly?

I don't think it's correct language use, or anything else in particular. Nate just seems to like moving away from things, in general; it's sort of a recurring theme.

... ifutlklkthszomfgitsoooooodifftorednundrstndinnitbr uv?!!?, 0|2 |!|<3 th15, a5 \/\/3||, l0lz0r!!!111!!!oneone!!1!

Is it bad that I was able to work out what you said there with very little effort? I wonder...

[Nate the Great]

Oh, you wound me. Nothing hurts as much as the truth, does it?

At least give me credit for (usually) having a leadin for my segues. They aren't (usually) totally random. I prefer to think of it as volleying the topic in a new direction, but there are anchor points.

So what does that load of gibberish mean? If it's leet, I must've left my leet/english dictionary in my other set of online skates.