Ocarina of Time Fiver ver. 2.0

[Nate the Great]

Part Three: The Goron's Ruby

Navi: This is Death Mountain.
Link: Yeah, I know, Impa already told me. Are you actually going to tell me anything useful?
Navi: How about “look out for that heavy gate!”
Link: Oh yeah, that’s coher—ouch!
Navi: It’s good to be me.

Town Guard: None shall pass!
Link: Rule of three, huh?
Town Guard: Yeah. Now go away.
Link: But I have Zelda’s autograph!
Town Guard: It’s even notarized. Wow!

Navi: You actually want to go graverobbing to find a fireproof Hylian shield?
Link: Yeah. I’m that much of a cheapskate.
Navi: But what about that meddling kid who won’t let you touch anything?
Link: I suppose I’ll have to learn a song to turn night to day and get rid of him.
Navi: Yeah, right, that’s plausible. Where would you find something like—
Link: On this tombstone right here.
Navi: Smarty-pants. Humph.

Goron: I’m wallowing in depression since I can’t lick the Goron’s Ruby.
Link: That’s disturbing on about three different levels. Besides, how’d you get up here? This platform is supported by three ropes.
Goron: Um, magic?
Link: If this weren’t a pseudo-medieval fantasy, I’d smack you for being a smart-aleck, but that must be exactly what happened.

Link: Hey, let me in!
Darunia: I’m depressed. Go away!
Link: How about some ice cream?
Darunia: Rocky Road?
Link: Yeah!
Darunia: No! Psych!

Darunia: That’s a great song! How’d you make one ocarina sound like a whole orchestra?
Link: Magic. Can I have the Spiritual Stone now?
Darunia: Nah, you have to evict the Dodongo’s from Dodongo’s Cavern first.
Link: Why’s it called that if they’re the infestation?
Darunia: Well, we just thought that the name was catchier than what we used to call it.
Link: I shudder to ask.
Darunia: “The Cave of Caerbannogh.”
Link: Aaaaaarrrrggghhh!

Link: Let’s see. Huge boulder blocking the door to Dodongo’s Cavern. Highly unstable Bomb Flower on the ledge overlooking said huge boulder. I wonder what I should do?
Navi: Please tell me you’re joking.
Link: I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you over the sound of the bomb destroying the boulder. What were you saying?
Navi: I hate you.
Link: So nothing new, huh?

King Dodongo: Roar!
Link: Did you eat the jalapeno boulders again? Bad monster!
King Dodongo: Gak!
Link: Sorry, can’t hear you over the sound of you dying. I’m so cool.

Darunia: Hey, good job! You’re my Blood Brother from now on?
Link: Could I have the Goron’s Ruby instead?
Darunia: Ha ha ha! Such a kidder. Let me give you a noogie.
Link: No, really, the Spiritual Stone would be fine.