50th Anniversary TOS Episode Discussion Marathon

[Nate the Great]

PART TWO

The Fiver

Spock: I would say so. Can you believe it's using an ion propulsion drive? The Federation has never managed that.
Kirk: What about Deep Space 1?
Chekov: Isn't that a space station?

Memory Alpha has no record of a "Deep Space 1." Three, four, five, seven, and of course nine, but not one. Memory Beta says that Deep Space 1 was a starbase that was destroyed during the Tomed Incident (and only in an RPG game book), but there's no mention of an ion propulsion drive. In canon the Ares IV used an ion drive, but again, that's the future. To sum up, I don't get this joke.

Sulu: Oof. Did anyone get the number of that wessel?

Zeke, is that a typo or did you intend that Chekov say this line?

Luma: In the name of Sigma Draconis 6 I will right wrongs and triumph over evil -- and that means you!

Kind of a stretch for a Sailor Moon joke, but okay.

Captain's Log: My team and I have been captured by... wait, how can I possibly be recording a log right now?

This happens so often that it's almost not worth turning into a joke. Almost.

Kara: Back again? Do you enjoy the pain?
Kirk: Not really, but I wouldn't be the first Enterprise captain to YYYEEEEEAGH!

Zeke, I get that there's supposed to be a joke here, probably either about Archer or Pike, but I can't quite figure it out.

Captain's Log: Dr. McCoy has used the Teacher and is now attempting to re-enbrain Spock. The danger to both is great, but he insisted. Gave me some ludicrous speech about risk being our business.

"Re-enbrain"? If you were going to insult the "Risk is our business" speech, you should've tossed in a "I'll have to remember it to throw right back at him someday."

Kirk: (Damn.) Yes, my world has many success stories I can teach you. I think you in particular, Kara, would be a super girl to start running a coffee franchise...

Again, there's a joke here that I don't get.

Scotty: Captain, isn't this sort of the exact opposite of the Prime Directive?
Kirk: It's superceded in this case by an even higher law taught to every captain: the Omega Glory Directive. "If the episode is bad enough, just get it over with by any means necessary."

Oh, the list we could make of episodes where this applies...

McCoy: Wait. Wait! I can't do this!
Kirk: Sure you can! You have before, remember? The neural clone operation? Your job with the Initiative?

The neural clone thing seems to be a Farscape joke, but I don't know what that has to do with McCoy. "Initiative" eludes me.

Captain's Log, Supplemental: Our last chance is to reconnect Spock's -- okay, seriously, HOW am I recording these logs?

At this point? You probably found a recording device somewhere around the Controller. Even so, this isn't a joke that's strong enough to double-dip in the same fiver...

McCoy: I did NOT have any parts left over and I am insulted by the suggestion!
Spock: You mistake my reaction for concern. Quite the contrary. Should I ever make a serious error, you have supplied me with a prime excuse.

"Prime excuse." I want to call this a Star Trek XI joke...

Kirk: Well, that's that. Let's head home.
McCoy: Ugh. Anyone else feel like their very DNA is missing some important gene?
Scotty: Aye, you can say that again. We've had ridiculous missions before, but this one set a new threshold.
Kirk: Oh, have a little spirit, folks. We can't go on missions full of scientific fascination and moral shades of grey all the time. We're bound to get a few like this.
Spock: If I understand correctly, Jim, you are advising us in such situations to simply turn off our --
Kirk: Do NOT say it.

Talk about injoke density. Bravo, Zeke.

[Nate the Great]

Awhile back I covered some of the early drafts of the opening monologue. Today Linkara reviewed the first Star Trek comic ever, which had the opening as follows:


This is the Enterprise, a ship of the Star Fleet. Its five-year mission in space: to probe the far reaches of the galaxy, to search the unknown and unlock its mysteries, to boldly go where no man has gone before!


I don't like this idea that the galaxy is traverseable in a reasonable amount of time, but there are still planets that haven't been visited yet. I guess we're treating certain areas of the galaxy the same as the rain forests of South America and Africa: maybe the coasts are known but the interior isn't.

[Nate the Great]

September 27th, 1968, "The Enterprise Incident"

PART ONE

Fiver (by IJD GAF)
Transcript
Memory Alpha

Prelude: I hate saying "Female Romulan Commander", so I'll be calling her "Liviana Charvanek", even if it's noncanon. Props for Vulcan's Heart and the Vulcan's Soul trilogy, by the way.

The Episode

Key points:
* If McCoy wasn't in on the plan and Kirk was acting irrationally for weeks, Bones should've ordered a mental evaluation by now.
* The level of Romulan knowledge of Starfleet ships and crews varies throughout the episode. This irks me.
* Dialogue indicates that the Romulans have recently developed a better cloak. If the indication is that it gets rid of the motion-sensor weakness from "Balance of Terror", they could've made that clearer and not ignore the previous episode entirely.
* Multiple uses of "starship" as an equivalent for "Constitution-class cruiser." Grrr...
* Charvanek goes gaga over Spock a little too easily, especially if she's supposed to be the Romulan Kirk, the best captain in the fleet.

SCOTT: That's a Klingon ship! But it couldn't be, not in this area.
SPOCK: Intelligence reports Romulans now using Klingon design.

Fanon holds that during this temporary Klingon-Romulan alliance the Klingons traded their ship designs for Romulan cloaking devices. I'm not sure this was an even exchange. You can't help but feel that the Klingons got the better part of this bargain.

TAL [on viewscreen]: The subspace message will take three weeks to reach Starfleet.

Cue old handwringing about varying subspace speeds. It annoys me every time, especially when "three weeks" isn't necessary. Three days would be adequate to ensure that no rescue will come in time.

KIRK: We were not spying, Commander.

Actually, he wasn't! The Enterprise was barely in Romulan space when they got caught, and Kirk never even had the chance to order sensor scans of anything!

SPOCK: You're being clever, Commander. That is unworthy of a Romulan.

This sounds like '60s values bleeding in again. Is that crack supposed to be anti-Russian or anti-Chinese?

COMMANDER: There are Romulan methods completely effective against humans and human weaknesses.
SPOCK: You would not resort to them, Commander. They would prove ineffective against the captain.

So the Klingon mind-sifter is BETTER than the Romulan equivalent? I find that hard to believe...

COMMANDER: You are a superior being. Why do you not command?
SPOCK: I do not desire a ship of my own.
COMMANDER: Or is it that no one has offered you, a Vulcan, that opportunity?

Has Spock been offered a command? I get that this is part of the ruse, and he's probably lying as part of the mission, but think about it. We must also spare a moment for Charvanek's implied accusation of racism against Starfleet (cue Azetbur quote!).

[Nate the Great]

COMMANDER: Mister Spock. That corridor is forbidden to all but loyal Romulans.
SPOCK: Of course. I shall obey your restrictions.



Oops. If she had just said that he accidentally took a wrong turn, we'd have a problem since our heroes would never find the cloaking device. Which brings up the question of how our heroes intended to find the thing in the first place.


COMMANDER: I've had special Vulcan dishes prepared for you. I hope they're to your liking.
SPOCK: I am very flattered, Commander. There's no doubt that the cuisine aboard your vessel is far superior to that of the Enterprise.



Spock? Very flattered? I know he's under orders to lie, but that's still laying it on a bit thick, right?



SPOCK: An hour from now will do even better. Would it not, Commander?
COMMANDER: Yes. Yes, it will, Mister Spock. You do know I have a first name.



This doesn't make sense because the viewers don't know her last name yet!



COMMANDER: The Federation. And what did you want?
SPOCK: It was my only interest when I boarded your vessel.
COMMANDER: And that's exactly all you came away with.
SPOCK: You underestimate yourself, Commander.



Yikes. For Spock, that's about the biggest admission of attraction he's made while not under the influence of spores or polywater or pon farr...



Memory Alpha

* Just like in "Journey to Babel" we see the Vulcan hand-touching kiss equivalent. Memory Alpha indicates that this is the first time we saw it, however, which is sorta true. "Journey to Babel" only featured the first two fingers, probably more of a peck on the cheek. This episode had full-blown Vulcan salute rubbing, probably closer to a French kiss. Very racy by Spock standards.
* So the studio wanted to get their money's worth from the Klingon ship model. What about the Romulan ship model? Didn't they want to get their money's worth from that?
* Fontana agrees that there were a lot of out-of-character moments in this episode.


Nitpicker's Guide

Phil has fun pointing out that it’s silly for the Romulans to be smug about identifying the Enterprise, saying “Big deal. So they can read. It says ‘USS Enterprise’ right on the saucer.” Which is absurd, nobody can read the words on a ship unless they’re in a shuttle or something and only a few hundred meters away. The Romulans can ID the Enterprise is because they’ve figured out how to interpret the ship’s transponder signal.
Regarding the Vulcan Death Grip, Phil brings up the tal-shaya, the Vulcan method of breaking necks mentioned in Journey to Babel. This is a good point.

If the Romulans let women be captains and the Federation doesn’t, why do the Romulans also force their women to wear miniskirts?



YouTube

The Vulcan Death Grip in action
Kirk steals the cloaking device, and Charvanek is not happy

[Nate the Great]

The Fiver

Commander: Join me, and together we can rule the galaxy as father and son!
Spock: That doesn't even make sense! Geez, if you're going to reference Star Wars, at least pick something that works in context! For example, I love you.
Commander: I know.
Spock: Much better.

I have a bad feeling about this...

Commander: Now remember, Spock, while we're walking through the halls we keep our hands to ourselves and make sure not to touch any candy, magazines, or cloaking devices.
Spock: Yes, my lord.

My "lord"? It should either be "my lady", or else "Yes, mother!" and then a joke about how whipped he was as a kid or something...

Spock: No, I'll kill you with my Vulcan death grip.
Kirk: GAK!

I wish we'd standardized Gak! for death and Ack! for fake death...

Kirk: We're running out of episode time. Just beam me over there.
Scotty: But that's stupid, you'll get caught.
Kirk: Me, caught? Hahahahaha! Good one.

Yeah, good one! "That's as likely as my shirt getting ripped in a fight!"

Commander: With all this flirting and all, let me tell you my first name. It's (mumbles something in Spock's ear).
Spock: Leia? No wonder....

Odd place for a Star Wars reference, and that kind of pun/quip is out of character for Spock, even by fiver standards.

Kirk: Now, to replace the cloaking device with a bag of sand! I'll be sure to place the sand on the pedestal just as I remove the device. Slowly, sloowwwly... there!

Odd place for an Indiana Jones joke. A more generic heist movie joke would've fit better.

Guard: The cloaking device is gone!
Commander: How could you? We could've ruled hand in hand!
Spock: I'll never join you.
(SMACK)
Spock: Darth Vader wouldn't have slapped me...

Some pop culture references mesh together well in fiver form. This time I think we've got more of a car crash. A Q-Less joke probably would've fit better here. "You slapped me! X wouldn't have slapped me..."

Commander: Spock! Take off my mask, so that I can see you with my own eyes!
Spock: There you go again with those movie references that don't work.

At least the fiver is self-aware...

[Nate the Great]

I'm sorry if the Enterprise Incident coverage seemed overly negative. It's actually one of the better Season Three episodes, I just hated how much the situation with the Romulans has changed since "Balance of Terror", in ways that would've been very interesting to see onscreen. There are so many potential episodes that could've been made but weren't. Making a second, better Romulan ship model would've been more cost effective if they had been used more often. Was the Klingon makeup that much cheaper? That's why most Romulans had helmets, you only need to add ears to the leaders.

[Nate the Great]

Let's look at all of the Klingon episodes and see which ones would've worked with the Romulans as villains:


Errand of Mercy: Not a chance. If the object is to use Organia as a beachhead for the war, the Romulans would just eradicate the local population. In general I don't see the Romulans as the kind to take over the government. They'd just impose tributes, maybe even just set up a garrison where there aren't any Organians and avoid the hassle.



Friday's Child: Probably not. They're too sneaky for something this overt.



The Trouble with Tribbles: No way. Romulan mentalities wouldn't fit the plot, and I don't see them doing something as crude as a bar fight. Instead they'd attempt to fan the flames of the Kirk/Barris feud.


A Private Little War: I guess. However, if I were the Romulans in this situation I'd pose as Vulcans to sabotage Federation efforts. Not just introduce guns under the guise of natural development, but sow distrust of our heroes by posing as Enterprise crewman.


Elaan of Troyius: The script would need a major rewrite, but I think it's possible.



Day of the Dove: I guess. The big difference would be that I think the Romulans would eventually see the logic in stopping the fight rather than letting blind pride ("We need no urging to hate humans!") make the decision.


The Savage Curtain: No way. Colonel Green already had the sneaky, methodical villain slot covered. A Romulan would be redundant, although I do wonder what the Romulan equivalent of Khan, Green, etc. would be like.


As an afterward, the Romulans could've easily replaced the Orions in "Journey to Babel." Maybe have the assassin pose as Sarek's assistant. It's not like Vulcan makeup is any more expensive than Andorian makeup!

[Nate the Great]

October 11th, 1968, "And the Children Shall Lead"


Oh, this is gonna hurt...


Fiver (by Derek)
Transcript
Memory Alpha


The Episode

SFDebris did this one better than I ever could, but highlights...
* First Kirk calls it a scientific colony, then suddenly it's an exploration party. Those aren't the same thing, especially when you consider that later Kirk specifically says that this was a long-term thing, hence the children being brought along. I suppose this was another example of "it's the last season and the editors were asleep on the job again."

* None of the children are hungry or dirty? This is a recurring problem in fiction when the people responsible for maintaining support systems disappear or dies. Are you going to tell me that Gorgon can maintain all of them for days?

* Furthermore, if the idea is to get transport to another planet to get more followers, why wouldn't Gorgon tell them to act sad about their parents so our heroes won't create delays?
* When Bones can't find a physical or medical explanation for the children's behavior, he gives up. I don't like this; they've met more than their share of aliens that can affect people's actions.
* Beaming the two guys into space is horrifying, I wish there had been more followup.

* I wish that Gorgon's powers had been more codified. Is it simply casting illusions (affecting the senses), or can he outright hypnotize and control people? If the former, there are things that happen that counter that. If the latter, why does he need the kids anyway?


The Fiver

Kirk: And stay away from that cave. What's with that, anyway?
Tommy: This cave... is strong with the dark side of the force. A domain of evil it is. In you must go.


Nice gag, although I thought that you capitalize "Force" in this context.


Spock: You don't seem all right, Jim. You're acting hammier than usual.


And things must be really bad for that to be noticeable!


Kirk: You know Tommy, you remind me a lot of my nephew.
Tommy: I don't care.


I never knew they were the same actor. The more you know...


Gorgan: Hello children. It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, isn't it? Today, we will learn about commandeering. Can you say "commandeer"?


I thought that the Mr. Rogers "can you say X" thing was a myth, but apparently he used it at least twice.


Memory Alpha

* There's debate on what sort of flavor "chocolate wobble" is. Putting aside the obvious options like "it's an alien flavor" or "the child actor flubbed the line", other opinions go from "secondary alcohol flavor" (you wobble when drunk) to the ice cream incorporates some wobbly gelatin (ugh) to there's a wobbly swirl of another flavor. I'll stick with "the child actor flubbed the line, and the director didn't feel it was important enough to reshoot." In any event, mixing chocolate ice cream and pistachio ice cream doesn't sound very good.

* Somehow Kirk knew Gorgon's name without being told it. In a previous version of the script he had been told it, but this is another example of the editors being asleep on the job, I guess...
* The editors posit that maybe Uhura's mirror appeared out of nowhere because it, too, was an illusion. Fair enough, and I guess seeing a mirage of herself as an old hag would've been too expensive.
* Only appearance of the red UFP pennant flag.
* Gorgan's appearance in the "Q Continuum" trilogy of novels is pointed out.


Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil says that even if the mirror is an illusion, it was at Uhura's station before the children start pumping their fists to summon Gorgon's power. Oops...
* In "The City on the Edge of Forever" Spock needed additional equipment to enable the playback function on his tricorder. This time it's built in. There are a few possible explanations for this, but I'll bet the creators Just Didn't Care.

[NAHTMMM]

Originally Posted by Nate the Great

Kirk: What about Deep Space 1?
Chekov: Isn't that a space station?

Memory Alpha has no record of a "Deep Space 1." Three, four, five, seven, and of course nine, but not one. Memory Beta says that Deep Space 1 was a starbase that was destroyed during the Tomed Incident (and only in an RPG game book), but there's no mention of an ion propulsion drive. In canon the Ares IV used an ion drive, but again, that's the future. To sum up, I don't get this joke.

I think it's just a confusion of DS1 with DS9.

Luma: In the name of Sigma Draconis 6 I will right wrongs and triumph over evil -- and that means you!

Kind of a stretch for a Sailor Moon joke, but okay.

Well, knock half an m off her name and she's a talking cat.

Kara: Back again? Do you enjoy the pain?
Kirk: Not really, but I wouldn't be the first Enterprise captain to YYYEEEEEAGH!

Zeke, I get that there's supposed to be a joke here, probably either about Archer or Pike, but I can't quite figure it out.

Definitely Archer.

Captain's Log: Dr. McCoy has used the Teacher and is now attempting to re-enbrain Spock. The danger to both is great, but he insisted. Gave me some ludicrous speech about risk being our business.

"Re-enbrain"? If you were going to insult the "Risk is our business" speech, you should've tossed in a "I'll have to remember it to throw right back at him someday."

It's not an authorial insult, it's Kirk not recognizing his own speech and thereby insulting himself unknowingly.

Kirk: (Damn.) Yes, my world has many success stories I can teach you. I think you in particular, Kara, would be a super girl to start running a coffee franchise...

Again, there's a joke here that I don't get.

Supergirl's given name is Kara. Also, the Caribou (Kara-boo) Coffee chain.

Scotty: Captain, isn't this sort of the exact opposite of the Prime Directive?
Kirk: It's superceded in this case by an even higher law taught to every captain: the Omega Glory Directive. "If the episode is bad enough, just get it over with by any means necessary."

Oh, the list we could make of episodes where this applies...

It's a very good directive.

McCoy: Wait. Wait! I can't do this!
Kirk: Sure you can! You have before, remember? The neural clone operation? Your job with the Initiative?

The neural clone thing seems to be a Farscape joke, but I don't know what that has to do with McCoy. "Initiative" eludes me.

No idea either. Isn't there a "Dharma Initiative" floating around, possibly in Lost?

Originally Posted by Nate the Great

September 27th, 1968, "The Enterprise Incident"

[...]

COMMANDER: You are a superior being. Why do you not command?
SPOCK: I do not desire a ship of my own.
COMMANDER: Or is it that no one has offered you, a Vulcan, that opportunity?

Has Spock been offered a command? I get that this is part of the ruse, and he's probably lying as part of the mission, but think about it. We must also spare a moment for Charvanek's implied accusation of racism against Starfleet (cue Azetbur quote!).

I could believe that Spock was offered a chance to command the Enterprise (or another ship) when Pike suffered his accident, but turned it down because he preferred to be a science officer. There's also Charvanek's implicit racism against non-Vulcanoids to consider here.

SPOCK: An hour from now will do even better. Would it not, Commander?
COMMANDER: Yes. Yes, it will, Mister Spock. You do know I have a first name.

This doesn't make sense because the viewers don't know her last name yet!

Names are powerful things. Romulan birth names could be for only intimates to know, among a race stemming from a culture where merely touching fingers is a powerful sign of affection. Spock might respond, "Wow, on our first date? You do move fast!"

[NAHTMMM]

Originally Posted by Nate the Great

October 4th, 1968, "The Paradise Syndrome"

[...]

* Why is the Enterprise saving a prewarp society? That seems like anti-Prime Directive behavior, especially given events from "Pen Pals" and "Homeward."

This is very strange coming from a fellow SFDebris watcher As SFDebris points out, for the record, the concept of the Prime Directive changed drastically between TOS and the later series, from "You'd better have a really good reason to do anything to affect a primitive civilization even a tiny bit" to "No no no, not even to save a billion squillion lives!"

SPOCK: Doctor, that asteroid is almost as large as your Earth's moon.

The largest asteroid on record is Ceres, which is nowhere near the size of Luna. The asteroid that killed the dinosaurs was less than 10 miles across. Yet another example of the writers not doing their research and throwing impossible numbers around to impress the ignorant viewer.

What's wrong with having a larger asteroid roaming around? It's a big galaxy, crazier things have happened. If we can have a planet-eating amoeba, we can have an asteroid that probably started life as a planetoid or gas giant's moon before crazy gravitational games knocked it into a different orbit.

Originally Posted by Nate the Great

October 11th, 1968, "And the Children Shall Lead"


Oh, this is gonna hurt...


Fiver (by Derek)

You've jumped ahead an episode on the link there. Here's the right link, by IJD GAF. And it's pretty good.

* There's debate on what sort of flavor "chocolate wobble" is. Putting aside the obvious options like "it's an alien flavor" or "the child actor flubbed the line", other opinions go from "secondary alcohol flavor" (you wobble when drunk) to the ice cream incorporates some wobbly gelatin (ugh) to there's a wobbly swirl of another flavor.

Yeah, I figured there was some physical wobble (maybe not Jell-O though) supposed to be going on.

Agreed that the two men being beamed into space was horrifying enough to be given more time.

[Nate the Great]

October 18th, 1968, "Is There in Truth No Beauty"

Fiver (by Derek)
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

Captain's log, stardate 5630.7. They have evolved into a race of beings who are formless, so utterly hideous that the sight of a Medusan brings total madness to any human who sees one.

Time for the Homo Sapiens club joke again. Is there really not a single race that can safely look at them? Since Spock can use the protective visor, it's a shame that the Intrepid was destroyed, or else they would've been a safer choice.

SPOCK: Not correct, Doctor, although I am aware of your mind attempting to contact mine. Were you born a telepath?
MIRANDA: Yes. That is why I had to study on Vulcan.
SPOCK: I understand.

Cue reference to Tam Elbrun.



KIRK: I can't understand why they let you go with Kollos.
MIRANDA: They, Captain?
KIRK: The male population of the Federation. Didn't someone try and talk you out of it?

Talk about laying it on with a trowel.

MIRANDA: Larry, please, try to understand.
MARVICK: I understand that you're a woman and that I'm a man, one of your own kind, and that Kollos will never be able to give you anything like this. (he kisses her but she doesn't respond) Why did I ever meet you?

Now there's '60s gender politics for you: Women are supposedly supposed to respond to the advances of any man, provided that they aren't utterly hideous. Ick.

Captain's log, stardate 5630.8. As a result of Larry Marvick's insane fears, the Enterprise lies derelict in uncharted space. We have no way to determine our position in relation to the galaxy.

The computers don't keep track of what course the ship took until now? They can't reverse course?

SPOCK: Unfortunately, we lack reference points on which to plot a return course. We experienced extreme sensory distortion, and we shall do so again if we attempt to use warp speed.

Even if the sensors got confused, does that mean that the actual course of the ship changed enough to prevent turning around reliably?

KIRK; Could Kollos function despite the sensory distortion?
SPOCK: Very possibly. The Medusan sensory system is radically different from ours.

Are they implying that Medusans can sense something that the ships' sensors can't? How does that work? Is this supposed to be something equivalent to the Force?

MCCOY:I realise that you can do almost anything a sighted person can do, but you can't pilot a starship.

Cue Geordi joke.

The Fiver

Jones: What's that printed on your visor?
Spock: "Kollos is a loother." It's a poor attempt at inter-fiver humor.

Can someone explain this one?

Kirk: So you were born a telepath? And you're not Betazoid?
Jones: Yes, but I've suffered the Tam Elbrun syndrome anyway.
Kirk: Sigh. Next you'll tell me Kollos is Tin Man, won't you?

I'm not the only one who saw the parallels.

Jones: Spock can't join with Kollos! I want to join with Kollos! I'll fly the Enterprise out of the void!
McCoy: Unfortunately, blind people can't pilot the Enterprise.
Jones: Well, one day we will!
McCoy: Uh-huh. Suuuure, you will. And after that happens, I'll let you be chief medical officer of the Enterprise.
Jones: I'm holding you to that.

Ha ha.

Kirk: I think it's time for you to separate.
Kollos/Spock: But what about the ethical implications of separating a merged lifeform like me?
Kirk: I'll leave that for Voyager to decide.
Kollos/Spock: You're no fun at all.

The Tuvix reference is a bit forced. It might've been better to reference Return to Tomorrow, especially since Diana Muldaur appeared in that episode, too.

Memory Alpha

* Blatant product placement for the IDIC. It's a shame it wasn't invented back during "Journey to Babel", it would've fit better there.
* Second and final appearance of Scotty in dress tartan, after "The Savage Curtain."

[Nate the Great]

Summary of the purpose of the five year mission in the early days of production, from The Making of Star Trek via the Straight Dope forum:

(Excerpted from orders to Captain Robert T April) ...

IV. Nature and duration of mission:
Galaxy exploration and investigation;
5 years.

V. You will patrol the Ninth Quadrant, beginning with
Alpha Centauri and extending to the outer Pinial
Galaxy limit.

VI. Consistent with the limitations of your vessel and
equipment, you will confine your landings and
contacts to Class "M" planets approximating Earth-
Mars conditions.

VII. You will conduct this patrol to accomplish primarily:
(a) Earth security, via exploration of intelligence and
social systems capable of a galaxial threat, and
(b) Scientific investigation to add to the Earth's body
of knowledge of alien life forms and social systems, and
(c) Any required assistance to the several Earth colonies
in this quadrant, and the enforcement of appropriate
statutes affecting such Federated commerce vessels
and traders as you may contact in the course of your
mission.

1. Once again we seem to have "quadrant" meaning "a group of sectors" rather than "a quarter of the galaxy."
2. The word "Pinial" might be a typo for "Finial", meaning "final", i.e. the end of populated space.
3. "Galaxial"? Hehe. When did our heroes visit the homeworlds of the other major powers?
4. Earth's body of knowledge? Can we have a week without an opportunity to make an Azetbur reference?

5. Are there colonies from Federation members other than Earth or not?

[Nate the Great]

October 25th, 1968, "Spectre of the Gun"


The Fiver (by PointyHairedJedi)

Transcript
Memory Alpha


Fair warning, this one won't be very positive. I tend to not like these pseudo-holodeck episodes when they don't have any character development.


The Episode

* Why is the Enterprise trespassing in another nation's space? They aren't at war, trying to find allies. They aren't looking for a rare mineral or medicine that is needed immediately.

* If Kirk really wanted to make it clear that he came in peace, he should've stayed at the border of Melkotian space and asked for permission to enter.

* They try to explain the Melkotian's recreation of the Old West as being derived from incomplete information, then they say that this may be all that was needed. They're both baseless assumptions, and nothing comes from it, so why bring it up? We understand low budgets, we forgive a lot, so stop pointing out that the emperor is naked and then not throwing him some clothes!

* Why did they bring up the "you can't change history" thing? This is clearly not time travel, what does history have to do with it? We'll get back to this.

* "Death is real"? Why wasn't this a redshirt that we know is real? The guy that died could very well be an illusion or robot, right?
* When Chekov "dies" they use the contradiction to conclude that this is not a 100% accurate recreation of the real events. Huh? They knew that this was a fake setting already. Another script that needed a few more rounds of editing.
* So our heroes foil the illusion and refuse to be killed. How does this equate to "refuse to kill"? And why do the Melkotians suddenly like them now?


The Fiver

Captain's Log: Fog? Most unexpected. I shall certainly mention it to our meteorologist Mr. Fish when we get back.



Apparently Michael Fish is a British weatherman who denied that a hurricane was coming back in 1987. The Michael Fish Effect is when a weatherman predicts worse weather than reality as a way of hedging their bets. If PHJ is equating fog with a hurricane, it's a bit of a stretch.

Chekov: I think we may be getting an incoming message from that big giant head.


3rd Rock From the Sun hasn't aged as well as some other cultural touchstones, has it? Although the Shatner connection works better than most.


Kirk: Listen, I know this is going to sound strange, but we're actually space explorers from the twenty-fourth century, and my name is Kirk.
Ed: That's a good one Ike. Not as funny as the one about the cattle rancher and the three nuns though.



Tsk, tsk, tsk. Twenty-third century, PHJ. I'll need an explanation of the cattle rancher/three nuns thing.


Anyway, even with the dated references the fiver is way better than the episode.


Nitpickers Guide

* Phil points out that back in "Friday's Child" Kirk promised to leave if they weren't wanted, but this time he won't.

[Nate the Great]

November 1st, 1968, "Day of the Dove"


Fiver (by IJD GAF)

Transcript
Memory Alpha


The Episode

Note: I consider "Beta XII-A entity" to be a bit of a mouthful and awkward to write, so I'll be calling it (*) in honor of the Q Continuum novels.


* The colony had a hundred people and was implied to be self-sufficient. I doubt that those two statements are compatible, and once again a plot hole was created when it wasn't needed. Saying a thousand people or a brand-new colony would've meant rewriting a line of dialogue, no additional cost.
* It's amazing how many supposed plot holes can be explained by the influence of (*). Another episode that's focused on character work rather than logic.

* The distress button is a good idea, too bad it didn't exist in previous episodes.
* It's a shame Mara wasn't used more. After the performance of Charvanek a few weeks ago seeing the viewpoint of a Klingon woman would've been interesting.
* Sometimes (*) can cloud the judgement of everyone on board, sometimes a few people can think clearly. I wonder if this could've been used more.
* It's nice that (*) is established as not all-powerful early on. While it can influence things a large distance away, maintaining power over hundreds of people at all times is hard and a few people will think clearly from time to time.

* Some nice Klingon sayings are told for the first time here. Particularly "Only a fool fights in a burning house."


The Fiver

Chekov: Wow, there's no indication that there was ever a colony here at all!
Kirk: Whoever did this must have cover-up technology on par with the ancient race who planted all those dinosaur bones in the soil of Earth!
McCoy: You mean the Deithons of Geocentrus VII?
Kirk: Yeah, those guys.



Could we have an explanation for this reference?


Uhura: I don't understand it! We've lost all reception, my hail to Starfleet was dropped, and they haven't credited us a bonus anytime minute!


Another time capsule joke, hehe....


Kang: (over the comm) Ha! We now control engineering and life support. Say goodbye to your precious "oxygen".
Kirk: Er, don't Klingons breath oxygen as well?
Kang: Nonsense! We can survive on pure élan!


"Elan" seems like a big word for a Klingon. Mara must've bought him word-of-the-day toilet paper...

Memory Alpha


* Only appearance of a Klingon woman.
* Only appearance in TOS of intraship beaming.


Nitpickers Guide

* Kang claims that Klingons have no devil. Phil points out Fek'lhr from "Devil's Due" as a contradiction. Memory Alpha describes him as merely the guardian of Gre'thor, but that does raise the question of who's his boss.
* First appearance of more than six people beaming up simultaneously, although they materialized in two batches due to Kirk's warning. I argue that it's not inconceivable that the transporter chamber could be transformed into one huge "pad", albeit with greater energy requirements, for mass evacuations.