The Five-Minute Forums  

Go Back   The Five-Minute Forums > FiveMinute.net > Miscellaneous

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #861  
Old 11-11-2004, 07:54 AM
Scooter's Avatar
Scooter Scooter is offline
Doctoral candidate
Staff
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Earth, again
Posts: 831
Send a message via AIM to Scooter
Default

Written late at night by someone who should be sleeping:

The Top ten rejected actors for Aragorn
(Dedicated to Stuart Townsend; with notes from Peter Jackson's confidential memoranda)

10. Emeril Agasse - Can't stop shouting BAM! whenever he stabs a bad guy
9. Leo DiCaprio - Need someone taller than Liv (Fran, retest him for Pippin)
8. Keanu Reeves - Keeps shooting Elrond for some reason
7. Bruce Willis - His Elvish sounds suspiciously like Pig Latin
6. Kevin Kline - Demands clarification over moustache/no moustache issue; completely confused by stubble
5. Laurence Olivier - Apparently unware he's dead
4. Jim Carrey - Bugging eyes and lolling tongue out of mouth like a cartoon character wrong reaction to death of Gandalf
3. Andy Serkis - Can't understand a word he's saying (Note to Fran - maybe we can palm off some some voice work on him?)
2. William Shatner - Thought he was playing Ar, a Gorn; did nothing but bare his teeth and growl into a microphone

And the Number One Rejected Actor for Aragorn:

1. Renee Zellweger - Too eager to be licked by Brego the horse



Next:
Top Ten Rejected Actors for Samwise Gamgee
__________________
An updated list of all my online writing can be found here. Check it out.
Reply With Quote
  #862  
Old 11-11-2004, 01:04 PM
Opium's Avatar
Opium Opium is offline
Calvinist
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Can't sleep, clown will eat me...
Posts: 5,449
Send a message via AIM to Opium Send a message via MSN to Opium Send a message via Yahoo to Opium
Default

Top Ten Rejected Actors for Samwise Gamgee

10. Christopher Walken: His age was suspicious; what would a old Hobbit want with a young one? :wink:
9. Mike Meyers: Kept talking in a Scottish accent which distracted and confused everyone.
8. Patrick Stewart: His Shakespearean diction interfered with the Hobbit Slang pronunciations.
7. Richard Gere: Samwise doesn't tap-dance.
6. Jared Leto: Was off doing some side-projects; would have left Frodo alone.
5. Eric Szmada: Is already cute and cuddly on CSI; also, would use advanced investigation techniques to destruct ring within 24 hours.
__________________
George Orwell gives meaning to TopHatMan\'s life.
Opium, Princess Heroine of Laudanum...Part of The Morphine Party: The Party For Not... Crushing... Me? :shock:
Opium. Don\'t take drugs, just read them.
Please vote Morphine! (Thanks, Zeke!)
Needing more sleep since before 2003
Reply With Quote
  #863  
Old 11-11-2004, 09:59 PM
KillerGodMan's Avatar
KillerGodMan KillerGodMan is offline
More something than this cat
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Ontario
Posts: 1,689
Send a message via MSN to KillerGodMan Send a message via Skype™ to KillerGodMan
Default

4. Eddy Murphy - Talked too much

3. Jeff Goldblum - Too smart

2. Steven Seagal - Too violant

And the number 1 rejected actor for Samwise Gamgee...

1. Ahmed Best - "Messa called Jar-Jar Binks"

Top ten Rejected actors for Gandalf
__________________
-KillerGM

Well I guess I'll just live WITHOUT an avatar then!
Reply With Quote
  #864  
Old 11-12-2004, 01:06 AM
Nic Corelli's Avatar
Nic Corelli Nic Corelli is offline
Wigging out
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Zagreb, Croatia
Posts: 925
Send a message via ICQ to Nic Corelli
Default

Quote:
Top ten Rejected actors for Gandalf

10. Patrick Stewart :mrgreen:
__________________
\"Lord Eddard Stark is a proud, honourable, honest man, and his lady wife is worse.\"


~A Game of Thrones, book one of Song of Ice and Fire
Reply With Quote
  #865  
Old 11-12-2004, 01:31 AM
Opium's Avatar
Opium Opium is offline
Calvinist
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Can't sleep, clown will eat me...
Posts: 5,449
Send a message via AIM to Opium Send a message via MSN to Opium Send a message via Yahoo to Opium
Default

9. William Shatner: "You...shall...not...pass. Gandalf The Grey."

8. Johnny Depp: Is hotter than the rest of the cast, even Legolas. Beard would cover it up.
__________________
George Orwell gives meaning to TopHatMan\'s life.
Opium, Princess Heroine of Laudanum...Part of The Morphine Party: The Party For Not... Crushing... Me? :shock:
Opium. Don\'t take drugs, just read them.
Please vote Morphine! (Thanks, Zeke!)
Needing more sleep since before 2003
Reply With Quote
  #866  
Old 11-12-2004, 03:19 AM
KillerGodMan's Avatar
KillerGodMan KillerGodMan is offline
More something than this cat
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Ontario
Posts: 1,689
Send a message via MSN to KillerGodMan Send a message via Skype™ to KillerGodMan
Default

7. Robin Williams - Just... BECAUSE

6. Tommy Lee Jones - "What do you mean I can't blow their brains out?"

5. Sam Neil - Kept running from everything Raptor-sized and bigger
__________________
-KillerGM

Well I guess I'll just live WITHOUT an avatar then!
Reply With Quote
  #867  
Old 11-12-2004, 04:14 AM
NeoMatrix's Avatar
NeoMatrix NeoMatrix is offline
Factorial
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Augusta, GA
Posts: 6,139
Send a message via AIM to NeoMatrix Send a message via MSN to NeoMatrix Send a message via Yahoo to NeoMatrix
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scooter
8. Keanu Reeves - Keeps shooting Elrond for some reason
I loved this one
Reply With Quote
  #868  
Old 11-12-2004, 09:31 AM
Chancellor Valium's Avatar
Chancellor Valium Chancellor Valium is offline
Reasonably priced male pills
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Rhen Var, sitting on a radiator...
Posts: 4,595
Send a message via MSN to Chancellor Valium
Default

4: Christopher Lee - "you're meant to be the evil dude, damnit!"
3: Harrison Ford
2: :Laurence Olivier - dead, and too melodramatic
and no.1
1: Ian McKellen!
__________________
O to be wafted away
From this black aceldama of sorrow;
Where the dust of an earthy today
Is the earth of a dusty tomorrow!
Reply With Quote
  #869  
Old 11-12-2004, 10:31 AM
Opium's Avatar
Opium Opium is offline
Calvinist
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Can't sleep, clown will eat me...
Posts: 5,449
Send a message via AIM to Opium Send a message via MSN to Opium Send a message via Yahoo to Opium
Default

Someone post a new topic
__________________
George Orwell gives meaning to TopHatMan\'s life.
Opium, Princess Heroine of Laudanum...Part of The Morphine Party: The Party For Not... Crushing... Me? :shock:
Opium. Don\'t take drugs, just read them.
Please vote Morphine! (Thanks, Zeke!)
Needing more sleep since before 2003
Reply With Quote
  #870  
Old 11-12-2004, 11:03 AM
NeoMatrix's Avatar
NeoMatrix NeoMatrix is offline
Factorial
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Augusta, GA
Posts: 6,139
Send a message via AIM to NeoMatrix Send a message via MSN to NeoMatrix Send a message via Yahoo to NeoMatrix
Default

Top ten Rejected actors for Frodo
Reply With Quote
  #871  
Old 11-12-2004, 11:29 AM
Opium's Avatar
Opium Opium is offline
Calvinist
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Can't sleep, clown will eat me...
Posts: 5,449
Send a message via AIM to Opium Send a message via MSN to Opium Send a message via Yahoo to Opium
Default

Erm...okay!


10: Wil Weaton: Too darn whiney!
9. Johnny Depp: Casting hottie middle-aged Frodo with younger Samwise would have been too suggestive... as with the books. :wink:
8. Noah Wyle: Would spend too much time studying Elven medication.
7. Scott Bayo: Wait, is he still alive?
6. Leo Decaprio: People would cheer when he almost falls into the pit of lava.
5. Jim Carey: Would have caused yet another The-Oscars-Are-Against-Canadians uproar.
4. Jerry Sienfeild: "So I was reading an Elven periodical today, and wondered, what's up with pointy hat tricks?"
3. Cathrine Zeta Jones: Too boyish.
2. Eminem: Considers JRR Tolkien books to be bad influence on vunerable adolecents.
1. John Travolta: Disco Frodo has left the building.

Top Ten Rejected Actors for the role of Neo in the Matrix (as opposed to NeoMatrix)
__________________
George Orwell gives meaning to TopHatMan\'s life.
Opium, Princess Heroine of Laudanum...Part of The Morphine Party: The Party For Not... Crushing... Me? :shock:
Opium. Don\'t take drugs, just read them.
Please vote Morphine! (Thanks, Zeke!)
Needing more sleep since before 2003
Reply With Quote
  #872  
Old 11-12-2004, 12:57 PM
Alyxe's Avatar
Alyxe Alyxe is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: That puny little island west of Europe.
Posts: 5
Send a message via MSN to Alyxe Send a message via Yahoo to Alyxe
Default

10. Arnie Schwarzanegger
9. Sylvester Stalone
8. Mel Gibson
7. Will Young
6. Me
5. Barbara Streisland
4. Tom Cruise
3. George Bush
2. Rowan Atkinson

And...

1. Keanu Reeves (you expected this to make sense?)

Top ten list of failed actresses for Trinity
__________________
\"What did they train you for?\"

\"Cooking.\"
Reply With Quote
  #873  
Old 11-13-2004, 03:16 AM
KillerGodMan's Avatar
KillerGodMan KillerGodMan is offline
More something than this cat
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Ontario
Posts: 1,689
Send a message via MSN to KillerGodMan Send a message via Skype™ to KillerGodMan
Default

Er okay...

10. Brittney Spears - "Oops! I sacked him again!"
9. J-Lo - No, just no
8. Halle Berry - Acted like a cat for some reason
__________________
-KillerGM

Well I guess I'll just live WITHOUT an avatar then!
Reply With Quote
  #874  
Old 11-17-2004, 04:52 AM
KillerGodMan's Avatar
KillerGodMan KillerGodMan is offline
More something than this cat
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Ontario
Posts: 1,689
Send a message via MSN to KillerGodMan Send a message via Skype™ to KillerGodMan
Default

7. Hillary Swank - Producers refused after she auditioned for Neo
__________________
-KillerGM

Well I guess I'll just live WITHOUT an avatar then!
Reply With Quote
  #875  
Old 11-17-2004, 09:35 AM
Opium's Avatar
Opium Opium is offline
Calvinist
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Can't sleep, clown will eat me...
Posts: 5,449
Send a message via AIM to Opium Send a message via MSN to Opium Send a message via Yahoo to Opium
Default

6. Chantal Kreviasuk: "I'm leaving, on a net plane, don't know when I'll be back again"
5. Queen Latifah: Made Neo look too wimpy.
4. Lara Flynn Boyle: Made Neo look too curvy and girly.
3. Susan Serandon: Demi Moore already has the younger-man niche.
2. Kathy Bates: Also tried out for The Oracle; was just too odd.
1. Cathrine Zeta Jones: Was waaaay too into Morpheus.


Top Ten Actors/Actresses Who Should be in Star Trek.
__________________
George Orwell gives meaning to TopHatMan\'s life.
Opium, Princess Heroine of Laudanum...Part of The Morphine Party: The Party For Not... Crushing... Me? :shock:
Opium. Don\'t take drugs, just read them.
Please vote Morphine! (Thanks, Zeke!)
Needing more sleep since before 2003
Reply With Quote
  #876  
Old 11-17-2004, 11:03 AM
Alexia's Avatar
Alexia Alexia is offline
La la la, I can't hear you
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The island not in the sun
Posts: 1,267
Send a message via ICQ to Alexia Send a message via AIM to Alexia Send a message via MSN to Alexia Send a message via Yahoo to Alexia
Default

10: Hugh Grant - Should be in TOS, would look great with a ripped shirt.
9: Vin Deisel - Has the hair for a Trek captain.
__________________
Alexia: You have to laugh, or you'd kill yourself xD
Lostoyannaya: Yes. Now take that noose off your neck and get down from the chair. IN THAT ORDER.
Reply With Quote
  #877  
Old 11-19-2004, 11:56 PM
KillerGodMan's Avatar
KillerGodMan KillerGodMan is offline
More something than this cat
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Ontario
Posts: 1,689
Send a message via MSN to KillerGodMan Send a message via Skype™ to KillerGodMan
Default

8. Rory Cochrane - Better playing a doomed Redshirt than playing a dead cop
7. Arnold Schwarzenegger - A Borg if we ever saw one
6. Ahmed Best - "Meesa called Jar-Jar Binks! Messa going to destroy earth"
5. Eminem - The only one who can stop the D12ians....
__________________
-KillerGM

Well I guess I'll just live WITHOUT an avatar then!
Reply With Quote
  #878  
Old 11-24-2004, 11:18 PM
NAHTMMM's Avatar
NAHTMMM NAHTMMM is offline
Noodles And Hot Tofu! MMM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: St Louis, MO, USA, . . .
Posts: 2,959
Send a message via Yahoo to NAHTMMM
Default

4. John Wayne. Can't you see him as Kirk in one of his fistfights?
__________________
My 5MV webpages My novel fivers list

Yup

“There must have been a point in early human history when it was actually advantageous to, when confronted with a difficult task, drop it altogether and go do something more fun, because I do that way too often for it to be anything but instinct.” -- Isto Combs
Reply With Quote
  #879  
Old 12-04-2004, 12:11 AM
Hotaru's Avatar
Hotaru Hotaru is offline
Lone Ranger
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Where it's cold in winter and hot in summer, yet not warm in spring.
Posts: 1,041
Default

3. Jennifer Aniston: "What? I'm not wearing that uniform, it's ugly"
Reply With Quote
  #880  
Old 12-05-2004, 04:02 AM
KillerGodMan's Avatar
KillerGodMan KillerGodMan is offline
More something than this cat
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Ontario
Posts: 1,689
Send a message via MSN to KillerGodMan Send a message via Skype™ to KillerGodMan
Default

2. Sarah Michelle Geller - She'd could easly mistake a Xindi for a Vampire, and let instint take it's course.

1. Jeff Goldblum - Can't you see him as a science person with skills to match Spock's?

Next: Top 10 deleated scenes from Star Wars
__________________
-KillerGM

Well I guess I'll just live WITHOUT an avatar then!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 07:57 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.2
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.