The Five-Minute Forums  

Go Back   The Five-Minute Forums > FiveMinute.net > Miscellaneous

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 12-18-2006, 05:33 PM
Nate the Great's Avatar
Nate the Great Nate the Great is offline
Knate airrant
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 3,879
Default The Stuff You Always Wanted to Say Game

Through a series of events too long to recount here, I stumbled onto a site (http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/cs_revenge.shtml) that tells stories about how ignorant some people are about computers. One story is the following:

Customer: "Can I ask you a really stupid question?"
Tech Support: "Yes. And history will bear me out on that."
Needless to say, that user was also a friend. I have always wanted to say this to someone, and there he was!

So, the game is, what phrases have you waited to say? Stuff you've read someplace and wanted to show off. Obscure puns you've wanted to repeat. Absolutely horrible groaners that you've wanted to inflict on an audience. We can also extend this to lines that we like to use, even though they are only amusing to ourselves.

Now I'll start of with my own examples:

I like to use the phrase "ciao for now" expressly because it is corny.

My brother once inadvertanly created one of the funniest and most horrible puns ever invented in my presence. He said that his role model was the Pillsbury Dough Boy. Get it? My sister and I still laugh over that one.

One time I actually said Shazam as an expletive, and even I immediately winced.

As for what I've always wanted to say, the answer is simple. I've been waiting for years for someone to ask what the meaning of life is, just so I can say 42. Horribly retreaded, overused, beaten to death, resurrected, then beated to death again joke, but I still love the idea of it. It cheers me up at times when little else will.
__________________
mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate.
Zeke: It comes nateurally to him.

mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea.

Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity.

Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own!

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 12-19-2006, 03:07 AM
evay's Avatar
evay evay is offline
But if you put the hammer in an elevator...
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Deck Four, Section Seven
Posts: 518
Default

Somebody stopped me on the street in Manhattan once and asked me how to get to Chelsea Piers.

I looked him dead in the eye and said "Practice, practice, practice."


(then I gave him directions. But it was too perfect of a setup not to do it.)
__________________
Any truth is better than indefinite doubt. Sherlock Holmes
"The Adventure of the Yellow Face," Arthur Conan Doyle
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 12-19-2006, 03:29 AM
Nate the Great's Avatar
Nate the Great Nate the Great is offline
Knate airrant
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 3,879
Default

That looks like the kind of unintellible joke that one would be better not to understand. Ignorance is bliss.
__________________
mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate.
Zeke: It comes nateurally to him.

mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea.

Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity.

Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own!

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 12-19-2006, 05:25 AM
mudshark's Avatar
mudshark mudshark is offline
Is he ever gonna hit Krazy Kat, or what?
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: UMRK
Posts: 1,738
Default

The word you're looking for is "unintelligible", I think, and the joke to which evay was alluding has been around just about as long as has Carnegie Hall, if not longer. If you want to pretend that it's too cryptic, well, then... that's up to you.
__________________
Methinks Ted Sturgeon was too kind.

'Yes, but I think some people should be offended.'
-- John Cleese (on whether he thought some might be offended by Monty Python)
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 12-19-2006, 11:42 AM
Nate the Great's Avatar
Nate the Great Nate the Great is offline
Knate airrant
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 3,879
Default

It's all Greek to me. You guys are my gyros.
__________________
mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate.
Zeke: It comes nateurally to him.

mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea.

Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity.

Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own!

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 12-19-2006, 12:23 PM
Derek's Avatar
Derek Derek is offline
Dean of misderektion
Senior Staff
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Sector 001
Posts: 1,106
Default

εὐχαριστῶ σοί
__________________
"Please, Aslan," said Lucy, "what do you call soon?"
"I call all times soon," said Aslan; and instantly he vanished away and Lucy was alone with the Magician.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 12-19-2006, 01:57 PM
Alexia's Avatar
Alexia Alexia is offline
La la la, I can't hear you
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The island not in the sun
Posts: 1,267
Send a message via ICQ to Alexia Send a message via AIM to Alexia Send a message via MSN to Alexia Send a message via Yahoo to Alexia
Default

Exactly *eyeroll*

Don't worry Nate, I didn't get it either :P But then again, I live in a box.

I don't really have anything I've always wanted to say, probably because I tend to just say things as they pop into my head. Rarely an unvoiced thought.

Yes, this does get me into a whole lot of troube :P
__________________
Alexia: You have to laugh, or you'd kill yourself xD
Lostoyannaya: Yes. Now take that noose off your neck and get down from the chair. IN THAT ORDER.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 12-19-2006, 02:57 PM
Chancellor Valium's Avatar
Chancellor Valium Chancellor Valium is offline
Reasonably priced male pills
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Rhen Var, sitting on a radiator...
Posts: 4,595
Send a message via MSN to Chancellor Valium
Default

Well, Chelsea is also a (rather naff) first name, so...

@Derek: lipon? En arche en ho logos!
__________________
O to be wafted away
From this black aceldama of sorrow;
Where the dust of an earthy today
Is the earth of a dusty tomorrow!
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 12-19-2006, 03:36 PM
Derek's Avatar
Derek Derek is offline
Dean of misderektion
Senior Staff
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Sector 001
Posts: 1,106
Default

No clue what lipon means.
__________________
"Please, Aslan," said Lucy, "what do you call soon?"
"I call all times soon," said Aslan; and instantly he vanished away and Lucy was alone with the Magician.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 12-19-2006, 10:06 PM
Alexia's Avatar
Alexia Alexia is offline
La la la, I can't hear you
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The island not in the sun
Posts: 1,267
Send a message via ICQ to Alexia Send a message via AIM to Alexia Send a message via MSN to Alexia Send a message via Yahoo to Alexia
Default

It's the opposite of lipoff.
__________________
Alexia: You have to laugh, or you'd kill yourself xD
Lostoyannaya: Yes. Now take that noose off your neck and get down from the chair. IN THAT ORDER.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 12-19-2006, 11:44 PM
Chancellor Valium's Avatar
Chancellor Valium Chancellor Valium is offline
Reasonably priced male pills
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Rhen Var, sitting on a radiator...
Posts: 4,595
Send a message via MSN to Chancellor Valium
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alexia View Post
It's the opposite of lipoff.
Don't be so lipy

It means something like 'well' or 'so', IIRC...
__________________
O to be wafted away
From this black aceldama of sorrow;
Where the dust of an earthy today
Is the earth of a dusty tomorrow!
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 12-20-2006, 04:28 AM
Nate the Great's Avatar
Nate the Great Nate the Great is offline
Knate airrant
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 3,879
Default

I'd wonder what it's like to live in a box, but I basically do also. I mean, my room is only eight by ten, and it's bedroom, living room, den, yadda yadda.

So is no one going to lynch and/or exalt me for my gyro/hero joke?
__________________
mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate.
Zeke: It comes nateurally to him.

mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea.

Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity.

Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own!

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 12-20-2006, 07:23 AM
MaverickZer0's Avatar
MaverickZer0 MaverickZer0 is offline
Suuuuuper genius
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: On Beach Street, in a Dimensional Area
Posts: 745
Send a message via AIM to MaverickZer0 Send a message via MSN to MaverickZer0 Send a message via Yahoo to MaverickZer0
Default

I don't get the joke. However, I vote for lynching because it sounds like a bad one.

I don't have anything I want to say that I don't. Probably because I always say what I feel like saying no matter how bad an idea it is. Which it often is. It's a miracle no one's killed me yet.
__________________
Sig v8.2.2

No, I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm going to go and do it anyway.

*pokes avatar* Made by a good LJ friend. Thanks Ani!

Dark Blues: I'm going to kill you!
Enzan: Not if I kill me first!
Dark Blues: You...are aware my goal is accomplished either way, right?
Enzan: ...Yeah...
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 12-20-2006, 10:45 AM
Nate the Great's Avatar
Nate the Great Nate the Great is offline
Knate airrant
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 3,879
Default

After being told time after time that you don't say gyro like it's short for gyroscope, most people around here tend to overpronounce it, transforming into something more closely resembling "yeer-oh." This sorta, vaguely, obscurely rhymes with hero.

We were on a vaguely-Greek topic, so I decided to make an awful pun.
__________________
mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate.
Zeke: It comes nateurally to him.

mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea.

Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity.

Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own!

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 01-10-2007, 03:18 PM
Katy Jane's Avatar
Katy Jane Katy Jane is offline
Or is it KJHTMMM now?
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: St. Louis
Posts: 1,139
Send a message via MSN to Katy Jane Send a message via Yahoo to Katy Jane
Default

at work people ask all the time, "Do you work here?"

I've always wanted to say, "No i just wear the vest and straighten the shelves for the fun of it."
__________________
Vulcan children are never late with their Sehlat's dinner
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 01-10-2007, 09:06 PM
Nate the Great's Avatar
Nate the Great Nate the Great is offline
Knate airrant
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 3,879
Default

I feel for ya. In high school and college I tended to go around in polo shirts and khakis, just because I thought that they looked more professional without having the high cleaning bills or monkey suit factor of more formalwear. And yet people were ALWAYS asking if I worked whereever I was, no matter what the official employee shirt color was. I guess that people just have a natural predilection that tall clean-cut guys with glasses will invariably end up in retail. That's just weird.

I suppose it could be considered a compliment, but always considered it an insult to their intelligence. Genuine retail employees generally have nametags and aren't wearing sneakers. Did anyone notice this? Nope. Never.
__________________
mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate.
Zeke: It comes nateurally to him.

mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea.

Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity.

Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own!

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 01-20-2007, 03:25 PM
Chancellor Valium's Avatar
Chancellor Valium Chancellor Valium is offline
Reasonably priced male pills
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Rhen Var, sitting on a radiator...
Posts: 4,595
Send a message via MSN to Chancellor Valium
Default

For some bizarre reason, when I ring up people on the phone, they generally assume I'm about 95...It may not help that I usually begin with 'Oh, err, hello...'.

In bookshops, I also tend to open with 'Err, hello. I'd err, I'd like err, err, to buy a book."

I tend to get the 'you-are-a-retard' look/voice back, but it's worth it straining their patience.

Especially when it's something pseudo-obscure...
__________________
O to be wafted away
From this black aceldama of sorrow;
Where the dust of an earthy today
Is the earth of a dusty tomorrow!
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 01-20-2007, 07:26 PM
Nate the Great's Avatar
Nate the Great Nate the Great is offline
Knate airrant
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 3,879
Default

Having known my share of bipolar people, I will stay out of this one. It's a hornet's nest that I'd really not step into.

Pseudo-obscure? How does that work? Either it's obscure or it's not. Not much middle ground there. Or do you mean that it's probably obscure to the other person, but not to you?
__________________
mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate.
Zeke: It comes nateurally to him.

mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea.

Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity.

Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own!

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 01-20-2007, 10:34 PM
Chancellor Valium's Avatar
Chancellor Valium Chancellor Valium is offline
Reasonably priced male pills
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Rhen Var, sitting on a radiator...
Posts: 4,595
Send a message via MSN to Chancellor Valium
Default

Bipolar? Who mentioned bipolar disorders? O_o

As for pseudo-obscure- things like a direct translation of Book X of the Aeneid would count as pseudo-obscure.
__________________
O to be wafted away
From this black aceldama of sorrow;
Where the dust of an earthy today
Is the earth of a dusty tomorrow!
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 01-21-2007, 01:50 AM
Nate the Great's Avatar
Nate the Great Nate the Great is offline
Knate airrant
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 3,879
Default

I really, REALLY hate the terms "retard" and "retarded." Not for vulgarity reasons per se, more like "horribly imprecise." Some people use them as shortcuts to avoid using more accurate terms that could actually give hints as to how to interact with the sufferers. I jump to "bipolar" as the easiest catchall term that doesn't have negative connotations for me. Besides, most of the "three fries short of a Happy Meal" people I know are bipolar, so that's what I use.
__________________
mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate.
Zeke: It comes nateurally to him.

mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea.

Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity.

Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own!

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 02:21 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.2
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.