Top Ten List of... - Step 1:See Topic. Step 2:create list

[Anonymous]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]The Top 10 Contrived Situations where Mayweather may get a line. (continued; sometimes it pays to step away for a bit.)

4. When an unknown virus is brought aboard the ship on their way back to earth, the crew starts acting odd. Among the more strange things that occur, is that the crew experience the feeling of being drunk, although they have yet to ingest sufficient alcohol to do so, even while on duty. Oh yes, they also forget to silence Mayweather when realizes he has a spine and starts to speak up for himself. Eventually the virus is cured, but Phlox decides to label the thing PSI-1998, mainly because of the number of tests it took to find a cure.

3. In one timeline where the [iost_uid0]Enterprise[/iost_uid0] fails to talk the counsel out launching the weapon, the ship is attacked and crippled beyond repair. Among the prisoners taken are Mayweather, who is interrogated about how many other Earth ships are in the Expanse. In a completely unexpected turnabout of events, Mayweather gets the Xindi laughing so hard they all die from laughter. With no one left to restrain the survivors from [iost_uid0]Enterprise[/iost_uid0], they steal enough ships to get everyone left home. Despite the thinning of ranks, Mayweather still gets no additional lines on the way back.

2. In an alternate reality, the peaceful Xindi Counsel manages to get Mayweather more then his allottment of lines, and "convinces" Archer and the rest of the paranoid Counsel from Earth to not launch the weapon. This agreement lasts until the Earth Counsel manages to stop Mayweather from getting extra lines, but by then it's too late and the batteries in the weapon run dry. NX-01 gets a new mission: Find the fabled Energizer Bunny and install his batteries in the weapon. The Xindi laugh at the feeble attempts to try to find the creature of legend, but they still manage to get Mayweather an additional line here and there, just for spite.

and as for the final...
1. Although he is silenced with a vengence while onboard NX-01, he is just bidding his time until he can switch to his more successful persona: Morn.

So who's doing the other one?[/colorost_uid0]

[Gatac]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Opium: Parallel evolution.

Gatac[/colorost_uid0]

[Nic Corelli]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Anubis, that was hilarious! Fantastic job,

Ahem:

Top Ten Trek Characters Who Would Make Better Captains

10. Captain Chekov - First order of business: rename Enterprise into USS Leningrad. Second order of business: replicators distribute wodka, only wodka and nothing but the wodka.

9. Captain Troi of Deep Space Nine
(a massive Dominion fleet of warships comes through the wormhole)
"I am not sure, but I think I might be sensing danger!"

8. Captain Neelix of Enterprise NX-01 - In response to Xindi weapon attack on Earth, he attacks the Xindi homeworld with Leola Root Missiles. The Xindi surrender, groveling for mercy.

7. Captain Quark of USS Voyager
"Oh, come on people, why can`t we all sell the Vidiians some organs? Some extra kidneys, huh, huh? They`ll pay well! And spleen! I mean, who needs spleen?"

6. Captain Seven of Nine
"I`m taking command of the ship, effective immediately, solely because, as Captain, I am not allowed to have intimate relationships with members of my crew, therefore, NOBODY will force me into a relationship with the Rubber Tree Boy!"

(Dammit, dammit, dammit... can`t remember anything else, brain shut down... OK, I hereby revoke the "writing full lists" directive. Stuff me with straw and burn me on the town square, )[/colorost_uid0]

[Anonymous]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Thank you. Which one did you like the best?[/colorost_uid0]

[Nic Corelli]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]5. Ambassador Soval is almost successful in his attempts to have NX-01 dismantled and spread to the four quadrants, but against orders Mayweather speaks up and gives an emotional plea that the ship not be dismantled. Soval is incapable of dealing with the illogical nature of the interruption, and his head explodes moments later. Pecan pie is sured in an impromptu party afterwards.

[/colorost_uid0]

[Anonymous]

[color=#000000ost_uid0][quoteost_uid0="Nic Corelli"]9. Captain Troi of Deep Space Nine
(a massive Dominion fleet of warships comes through the wormhole)
"I am not sure, but I think I might be sensing danger!"

8. Captain Neelix of Enterprise NX-01 - In response to Xindi weapon attack on Earth, he attacks the Xindi homeworld with Leola Root Missiles. The Xindi surrender, groveling for mercy.[/quoteost_uid0]
It seemed like a good one to try, though I've probably been reading too much 5M Enterprise lately. *Jehoshaphat*

You've been doing well in the Top Ten lists yourself there Nic.

Top Ten Trek Characters Who Would Make Better Captains

5. Captain Wesley Crusher of Voyager:
[bost_uid0]Helm[/bost_uid0] - Captain, sensors are detecting five Hirogen ships on an interception course.
[bost_uid0]Wesley[/bost_uid0] - (to bridge crew) Calm down everybody. I'm sure they're just coming to say hello, and maybe ask if we're interested in a peaceful exchange of information.

4. Captain Phlox of Nightingale -
"We're not really a medical transport. We're just trying to sneak this cloaking device past our enemies so we can beam up aliens from backwards worlds and experiment on them in secret."
[bost_uid0]Phlox[/bost_uid0] - (disturbing CGI smile appears on his face) Just want I wanted to hear...

(Idea tank runs low) Someone with any ideas want to finish?[/colorost_uid0]

[Scooter]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]These are very silly, but it's late.

3. Captain Charlie X.
Riley: ...and then the Andorian said, "Not with my pig you won't!"
Charlie: (rolls his eyes at Riley's terrible joke)
Riley: GAK!
Spock: Sigh. We lose more lieutenants that way.

2. Captain Jadzia Dax.
O'Brien: The Cardiassian fighters are closing in on the station, Captain. What are your orders?
Jadzia: Miles, chill out. You're giving me a muscle cramp in my neck. Say, Nerys, I could really go for a holosuite backrub--want to join me?
Kira: Sounds good. Miles, watch the store for us, O.K.?
O'Brien: Um, yeah, O.K. I'll just tell the Cardassians to hang loose for a while until you come back?
Jadzia: That would be perfect. You're a real teddy bear, Miles.
O'Brien: Um, thanks.

1. Captain Uhura.
Uhura: Hail the approaching Gorn ship, slave.
Kirk (sheepishly): Yes, sir. Hailing--
Uhura: [iost_uid0]What did I say about those three words?[/iost_uid0]
Kirk (even more sheepishly): That you would staple my spleen to my big toe if I ever used them again. Sir.
Uhura (settling into the captain's chair): That's right.



Next:
Top Ten Reasons Why Chef Doesn't Like to Show His Face[/colorost_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000ost_uid5]Top Ten Reasons Why Chef Doesn't Like to Show His Face


10. Um, perhaps that unfortunate incident with a rice picker when he was young...
9. He really, really, really doesn't want Archer to recognize him as Mysterious Future Guy
8. The last time he did, several female ensigns fainted and Phlox had to distribute Pepto Bismol to the entire crew
7. The sight of him is thought to be enough to drive even a Vulcan First Officer mad (not that he plans to try it, of course). So he just sits in his closed box most of the time, wishing he could find a blind girl to be his assistant
6. He's Neighbor Wilson from "Home Improvement"


Hmm, ran out of ideas. Anyone else?[/colorost_uid5]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]5. It's really Neelix
4. He is a redshirt, and any screentime will cause the ship to lose their best chef
3. If the female crew members saw him, they might want to chase him all over the ship to get his autograph
2. He is an Ogre with a talking Donkey, which might cause some tension
1. The chef is really the imagination of the crew brought on by a potion released by Phlox.

Next: Top Ten Hidden Talents of Star Trek Characters[/colorost_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Top Ten Hidden Talents of Star Trek Characters

10. Data: Can talk Toaster.
9. Troi: Can state things that are not obvious, too.
8. Sisko: Can convince Archer he's the Evil Future Guy.
7. Worf: At age 19, won the Earth-Wide Lullaby Singer contest.
6. Seven of Nine: writes romance novels and their corresponding holoprograms.
5. Janeway: Can name every coffee bean ever...oh wait, this was HIDDEN talents...
4. Neelix: Could actually make one item, toast, correctly; but because of (see #10), no one was allowed to make toast on Starfleet ships.
3. Uhura: A world class violenist, mystery writer, opera singer, forensic detective, and vampire, erm, alien slayer.
2. Ezri: Can switch between the Universe and the Alternate Universe...
1. Porthos: Can speak Human, but prefer to bark cus it's fun to watch Archer try to speak Dog!


Top Ten #1 Singles on Alien Worlds[/colorost_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]The only one I can think of is:

[bost_uid0][iost_uid0]Bring Me To Life[/iost_uid0][/bost_uid0]: For that planet in season 7 (or was it 6?) of Voyager where Seven inadvertently wakes a race of cryogenically frozen people and reignites a war....[/colorost_uid0]

[Gatac]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Hm, I'll take this one, too...

10. Janus VI: Hoobastank - Crawling in the Dark
9. Vulcan: Supertramp - The logical Song
8. Quo'nos: Steppenwolf - Born to be Wild
7. Romulus: Propellerheads - Spybreak!
6. Cardassia: Aimee Allen - I'd start a revolution (if I could get up in the morning)
5. Q Continuum: Monster Magnet - Space Lord
4. Borg Unimatrix 01: Filter - Welcome to the fold
3. Trill: Frank Sinatra - I've got you under my skin
2. Wolf 359: Ozzy Osbourne, DMX, Ol' Dirty Bastard - Nowhere to run
1. Earth in 2063: Foo Fighters - Learn to Fly

Nearly all from my current playlist, too. Bah. I'm sure somebody can come up with one that is a bit more mainstream.

Next Up: Top 10 Ways to Talk down an intelligent bomb. (Hey, it happens more often than you'd think.)

Gatac[/colorost_uid0]

[Gatac]

[color=#000000ost_uid0](Too weird?)

Gatac[/colorost_uid0]

[Anonymous]

[color=#000000ost_uid4]Top 10 Ways to Talk down an intelligent bomb.

10. Convice Travolta to accept stock options so he doesn't make another bomb like Battle Field: Earth.

9. Given the frequency of bad movies being made, enstate a policy that any actor or actoress that makes a bomb must watch their own flick. Quality of movies should skyrocket quickly as quality will improve through either better quality control, or thinning of the ranks in hollywood.

8. Make Bill Gates watch shows like Barney, Teletubbies, and American Idol with his eyes taped open so he can't close them. By the time he losses him mind from the repetive viewings, he will be controllabe enough to make Windows and all affiliated software useable and stable enough to be understood by anyone.

Oops, you said Intelligent. Not sure if this is what you meant, but hey...[/colorost_uid4]

[Opium]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]6. Explain to Jodie Foster it's okay to only make a movie every 4 years.
5. Eugene Levy: I don't think a movie starring the Olsen Twins will be that that good.
Exec: Yes it will. Here, have some tea
Eugene Levy: *drink tea* I feel funny...
4. Exec: But Ben, if you always make movies with Matt Damon people will start thinking you're a couple.
Ben Affleck: But Matt and me make good movies together!
Exec:But people will think you're a couple!
3. JLo: Ben, I think making a movie with both of us in it but not in love would be a good thing!
2. Danny Devito told Robin Williams that if he made a movie about a scary kids entertainer he would pay for Robin's laser bodyhair removal.
1. Q: Angelina Jolie, wouldn't you like to be a sex symbol again but pretend the movie is about a poor nation?
A: Um, sure.

*okay, those are all silly*

Top Ten Silly Reasons *Insert Name Here* Watches Enterpise[/colorost_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Top Ten Silly Reasons *Insert Name Here* Watches Enterpise

10. [bost_uid0]Opium:[/bost_uid0] John doesn't get killed often enough, but at least gets beaten up with enjoyable regularity.
9. [bost_uid0]Scooter:[/bost_uid0] Top 10 List fodder.
8. [bost_uid0]Derek:[/bost_uid0] Is composing detailed report of continuity flaws (labelled "trivial" through "gaping" through "Oh My God what were you idiots [iost_uid0]thinking[/iost_uid0]") to nail above B&B's corpses when he's through with them
7. [bost_uid0]Sa'ar:[/bost_uid0] "Real big crush, guys, like WHOA " on Ambasador V'Lar reported on his LiveJournal
6. [bost_uid0]Zeke:[/bost_uid0] Only form of occupation which justifies failure to finish latest ENT fiver
5. [bost_uid0]PHJ:[/bost_uid0] Looking for enough shirtless-Phlox shots for next avatar[/colorost_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]4. [bost_uid0]Nits:[/bost_uid0] Trip. And Trip. And er, Trip.
3. [bost_uid0]17:[/bost_uid0] What's Enterprise?
2. [bost_uid0]Standback:[/bost_uid0] To come up with more cannon fodder for Top Ten lists than Scooter does.

Can't think of #1. Will let someone else do it.[/colorost_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]1. [bost_uid0]Chief O'Brien:[/bost_uid0] Still hoping to figure out what the heck you do with the stupid warp core.

Next up: Top Ten Qo'noS Tourism Slogans![/colorost_uid0]

[Anonymous]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Top Ten Qo'noS Tourism Slogans!

10. Come to Qo'nos! Become a warrior! Guaranteed to turn you into a warrior or we'll kill you in the process.

9. Qo'nos: Where Dishonor is a thing of the past.[/colorost_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]8. Come here to retire and die, and you are guaranteed faster results than Florida.

7. We got your Honor right here

6. Come here for a permament vacation from life.[/colorost_uid0]