The Five-Minute Forums  

Go Back   The Five-Minute Forums > FiveMinute.net > Miscellaneous

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old 12-23-2007, 01:22 PM
Chancellor Valium's Avatar
Chancellor Valium Chancellor Valium is offline
Reasonably priced male pills
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Rhen Var, sitting on a radiator...
Posts: 4,595
Send a message via MSN to Chancellor Valium
Default

...Just one?

Your powers are weak...

I'd call you 'old man', but you're about ten years younger than me, possibly more like 15, so that would make me positively decrepit...
__________________
O to be wafted away
From this black aceldama of sorrow;
Where the dust of an earthy today
Is the earth of a dusty tomorrow!
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 12-23-2007, 08:29 PM
mudshark's Avatar
mudshark mudshark is offline
Is he ever gonna hit Krazy Kat, or what?
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: UMRK
Posts: 1,738
Default

Only one?

How disappointing.
__________________
Methinks Ted Sturgeon was too kind.

'Yes, but I think some people should be offended.'
-- John Cleese (on whether he thought some might be offended by Monty Python)
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 12-26-2007, 09:45 PM
PointyHairedJedi's Avatar
PointyHairedJedi PointyHairedJedi is offline
He'd enjoy a third pie
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The Scotlands
Posts: 4,354
Send a message via ICQ to PointyHairedJedi Send a message via AIM to PointyHairedJedi Send a message via Yahoo to PointyHairedJedi
Default

Of course there's more than one! It's just I'm going to share this particular one with you. Or, more accurately, I'm going to foist it on your poor defenceless minds for my own amusement and edification. Or, to be even more accurate, I'm going to foist it on Zeke's mind.

Mwah.
__________________
Mason: Luckily we at the Agency use use a high-tech piece of software that will let us spot him instantly via high-res satellite images.
Sergeant: You can? That's amazing!
Mason: Yes. We call it 'Google Earth'.
- Five Minute 24 S1 (it lives, honest!)

"Everybody loves pie!"
- Spongebob Squarepants
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 12-27-2007, 01:04 AM
Chancellor Valium's Avatar
Chancellor Valium Chancellor Valium is offline
Reasonably priced male pills
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Rhen Var, sitting on a radiator...
Posts: 4,595
Send a message via MSN to Chancellor Valium
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by PointyHairedJedi View Post
Mwah.
Ew.
__________________
O to be wafted away
From this black aceldama of sorrow;
Where the dust of an earthy today
Is the earth of a dusty tomorrow!
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 12-27-2007, 10:27 PM
mudshark's Avatar
mudshark mudshark is offline
Is he ever gonna hit Krazy Kat, or what?
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: UMRK
Posts: 1,738
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chancellor Valium View Post
...so that would make me positively decrepit...
Cecil B. De Crepit? Featuring a Cast of Thousands?
__________________
Methinks Ted Sturgeon was too kind.

'Yes, but I think some people should be offended.'
-- John Cleese (on whether he thought some might be offended by Monty Python)
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 12-30-2007, 04:20 AM
NAHTMMM's Avatar
NAHTMMM NAHTMMM is offline
Noodles And Hot Tofu! MMM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: St Louis, MO, USA, . . .
Posts: 2,959
Send a message via Yahoo to NAHTMMM
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by PointyHairedJedi View Post
They're using new and experimental fractal warp drive technology on the USS Ottawa, so it makes sense in a roundabout sort of manner.
*has fun flipping between Mandelbrot and Julia*

*Ottawa does not appreciate this*

Quote:
Originally Posted by PointyHairedJedi View Post
Zeke: Chief, you know I rate you very highly, but so much as ding the fourth wall again and I'll throw you out the airlock myself. Are we clear?
NAH: Uh, yes sir.
He's such a party-pooper.
__________________
My 5MV webpages My novel fivers list

Yup

“There must have been a point in early human history when it was actually advantageous to, when confronted with a difficult task, drop it altogether and go do something more fun, because I do that way too often for it to be anything but instinct.” -- Isto Combs
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 12-30-2007, 01:31 PM
Chancellor Valium's Avatar
Chancellor Valium Chancellor Valium is offline
Reasonably priced male pills
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Rhen Var, sitting on a radiator...
Posts: 4,595
Send a message via MSN to Chancellor Valium
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by mudshark View Post
Cecil B. De Crepit? Featuring a Cast of Thousands?
Curse! My Secret Identity [(tm), each sold separately, illegal where prohibited by law] uncovered at last! :P
__________________
O to be wafted away
From this black aceldama of sorrow;
Where the dust of an earthy today
Is the earth of a dusty tomorrow!
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 01-03-2008, 06:12 PM
PointyHairedJedi's Avatar
PointyHairedJedi PointyHairedJedi is offline
He'd enjoy a third pie
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The Scotlands
Posts: 4,354
Send a message via ICQ to PointyHairedJedi Send a message via AIM to PointyHairedJedi Send a message via Yahoo to PointyHairedJedi
Default

Part the splinge!



*Some hours later...*

PHJ: So, how is it looking?
Chief: We've had to switch to backup systems in a few places, but we're otherwise about as ready as we can be.
PHJ: Hmm. Good. You know, I don't believe I've ever been down to Engineering before. Most of the time I just stay on the bridge. Oh, you should here the fuss they make when I take a bath.
Chief: I'm told it's a sight that's hard to forget, sir.
PHJ: You know, it's nice and roomy down here. Plenty of space if I wanted to install a few bathtubs, eh?
Chief: Please. I'm begging you. Have mercy.
PHJ: Ha ha, what a jolly sense of humour you have. I'll have to make you come up to my end of the ship more often. Retrofitting the entire ship so that I could travel in my genuine reproductionPopemobile down the corridors and turbolifts is all very well, but it's better in the long run to make the little people come to you. Shows them the proper order of things.
Chief: Is there anything I can say to that that won't end up with me in the brig?
PHJ: Ordinarily, no, but as I'm feeling expansive today I'll let you off with doing my laundry for the next week. I don't trust the computer with it any more.
Chief: The clown trousers do sort of suit you, sir, though I couldn't say precisely why.
PHJ: Then you'd better take extra special care of them. In fact, here, take them right now.
Chief: Sir, really, I... oh, good heavens.
PHJ: That's right. Hotpants, baby. Hotpants. And now, I must go and grace someone else with my presence. Computer, beam me to the bridge! I can't be doing with any more of this walkingmalarky today.
*The strangely dressed jerk dematerialises*
Chief: Let's see -- I'm holding the captain's clown trousers, and there's a Popemobile taking up most of the compartment. And yet, oddly, it doesn't feel that strange any more. Would somebody fetch me some Daz and a pair of driving gloves, please?

Zeke: It would be hard to tell that just a few hours we were getting the crap kicked out of us. Nice job, Mister NAH.
NAH: Don't thank me, sir. Thank the magical powers of--
Zeke: I warn you, I will come down there and get all mathematical on yo' ass.
NAH: ...
Zeke: Yeah. I... don't quite know what came over me there. Must be the stress.
Mudshark: Given that there are twice the usual number of PHJ's, and that you're having to deal with both of them, at the same time no less, it's hardly surprising.
Zeke: Yeah. It's a good thing that pie isn't as unhealthy as it used to be - I've just had my third in as many hours. Mmmm, pie.
IJD: We've been meaning to talk to you about that. Myself and most of the other officers are starting to get a little worried about your high rate of pie consumption in general.
Zeke: What are you implying? It's not a problem. I don't have a problem! I can stop any time I like, dammit!
IJD: Are you sure? We've all noticed it.
Sa'ar: We're coming to you as friends, sir.
Mudshark: We're not judging you in any way at all.
Zeke: You know what? Fine. I'll give up pie if you'll respectively give up cedar, gold nanoparticles, and flower pressing.
*There is silence, and crickets can be heard (which is pretty strange when you think about it. I mean, how on earth would crickets get onto the bridge of a Federationstarship ? The only logical conclusion is that someone released them on purpose just in case there was such a silence, and who'd do a wacky thing like that? Except, of course, Nate is now on the bridge, so... Uh, yeah. Back to the story)*
Zeke: Yeah, that's what I thought. Now enough of this -- we've got a lunatic to beat the crap out of.
Valium: Which one do you mean, exactly?
Zeke: Either. Both. I don't care. I'm going to enjoy it regardless. Mister Nate, plot a course to take us near to the last known position of mirrorPHJ's ship, and prepare to engage on my mark. Mister Tate, signal non-mirror PHJ's ship and tell him he's going to follow along and help sort out this mess he's dragged me into or else I'm going to get his arse thrown out ofStarfleet for good.
Nate: Nice use of 'arse' there, sir.
Zeke: Your toadying is noted. Mister Shark, are we battle-ready?
Mudshark: My trigger finger is itchy with excitement, sir.
Zeke: I'm glad to see I'm not the only one getting into this. Engage!

Comms: Zeke's signalling that he's ready to go, sir. There's some more to the message than that, but I don't want to be the guy that repeats the rest.
PHJ: Whoah! Where did you spring from? I didn't even know we had a comms officer.
Comms: It's not like get much to do, what with you being a 'ram first and ask questions later' kind of guy.
PHJ: Heh, yeah. One of my more endearing qualities.
T.O.: Was that irony? I can't tell.
Helm: Always assume it isn't. You won't often be wrong.
PHJ: I'm sitting right here, you know!
Helm: I can't tell you how fervently we wish you weren't, sir. *SPLAT*
PHJ: Hmph. It's just not the same. I want agonized screams, dammit. Do I have to resort to Barry Manilow over the PA? Is that what it'll take?
Number One: Sir, Zeke is leaving, and we really should follow.
PHJ: Very well. Go to tap-dancing monkey alert and follow that ship!

mS.O.: Mercy! Please! Have mercy!
mPHJ: ...Sometimes all I need is the air that I breathe and to love youuuuu....
mS.O.: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Stop! Please! I've... I've found them! Mercy!
mPHJ: ...All I need is the air that I-- ...Found them, you say? Good news for you then, buddy.
mS.O.: They went off towards this nebula here.
mT.O.: Actually, sir, the probes show two ships at extreme long range heading back this way. I rather suspect it's them.
mPHJ: Not so good news for you then, buddy. Finding them just as they were heading back anyway... bad timing, eh? I predict that many awful things will happen to you in the near future.
mS.O.: Eeep.
mPHJ: Eeep indeed, buddy, eeep indeed. All hands, feet, and bits in between, prepare boarding parties and go to red alert! Oh boy, this is the fun part.

*The scene: the SSWIPTT, which is managing somehow to both lurk and hulk at the same time, no mean feat given that it's an inanimate starship in the middle of a whole lot of nothing, is waiting in the middle of said nothing for two other ships, who appear... any moment now, I promise... any moment now...aaaany moment... oh, come on, this is just taking the widdle -- there, there they are, took their flaming time, ruined my whole narration, the dastards. Forming up into an attack formation that can only be described as eccentric, the two ships go in for the attack. The battle can only be described as epic, a veritable special effects bonanza, which had we been concerned about things like budget, probably would have cost oodles. For a while it seems like the two attacking Starfleet ships have the advantage, but the SSWIPTT seems to be able to take the beating and dish it right back out again with interest; a concerted attack on the first ship causes such massive damage that the hull is irreparably breached in a great many places. Clouds of gas rush out the holes, carrying many bodies with them, and external and internal lights flicker and die for the last time. It appears to be entirely dead. The remaining ship, a plucky little Intrepid, seems unable to escape at warp, and so attacks even more furiously than before. It is however entirely futile; a massive volley of torpedoes plows into it, causing to explode with a sudden and dramatic violence that in other circumstances would look really cool. The SSWIPTT , victorious, takes the dead hulk in tow and warps to the nearest empty star system to pick over the hulk, like some kind of strange mechanical vulture, in peace. At the site where the battle occurred, all that is left is a vast cold cloud of debris, littered with the corpses of Starfleet's finest. It would be fair to say, 'sucks to be them'.*

mPHJ: An excellent haul! And what a glorious battle! I enjoyed it muchly, and I expect everyone else did too.
mT.O.: You betcha!
mNumber One: It was pretty good, though I'd quite like my arm back.
mEMH: Don't whinge, man, I'll pinch one from the many redshirt corpses that are lying around.
mPHJ: An evil hologram after my own heart.
mEMH: Does that mean I can have my own goatee and eyepatch at last? You do keep promising.
mPHJ: That was before you tried to reprogram the holodeck to kill me. Just be thankful I let you off with changing your appearance to that of Geoffrey Archer.
mEMH: That would probably be more of a punishment if anyone actually remembered who he was these days.
mPHJ: I remember, EMH, and that's all that counts. Now then. I want a report on those two ships that we blantered.
mT.O.: One was called the Titan and was commanded by an annoying bearded man by the name of Riker. The other was the Voyager, which was commanded by the equally annoying Admiral Janeway.
mPHJ: I killed the counterparts of Riker and Janeway? Sweet.
mNumber One: Indeed sir, indeed. Um... perhaps you'll excuse me while I go and shave.
mPHJ: Shave, Number One? Why, I think not. Hold him down, boys, while I fetch a waxing kit!
mEMH: (Aside) And to think, I once tried to kill him. How foolish I was!
__________________
Mason: Luckily we at the Agency use use a high-tech piece of software that will let us spot him instantly via high-res satellite images.
Sergeant: You can? That's amazing!
Mason: Yes. We call it 'Google Earth'.
- Five Minute 24 S1 (it lives, honest!)

"Everybody loves pie!"
- Spongebob Squarepants

Last edited by PointyHairedJedi; 01-03-2008 at 06:16 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 01-04-2008, 12:56 AM
Chancellor Valium's Avatar
Chancellor Valium Chancellor Valium is offline
Reasonably priced male pills
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Rhen Var, sitting on a radiator...
Posts: 4,595
Send a message via MSN to Chancellor Valium
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pointy
mPHJ: Shave, Number One? Why, I think not. Hold him down, boys, while I fetch a waxing kit!
mEMH: (Aside) And to think, I once tried to kill him. How foolish I was!
Not the bore-worms?
__________________
O to be wafted away
From this black aceldama of sorrow;
Where the dust of an earthy today
Is the earth of a dusty tomorrow!
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 01-04-2008, 07:24 PM
PointyHairedJedi's Avatar
PointyHairedJedi PointyHairedJedi is offline
He'd enjoy a third pie
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The Scotlands
Posts: 4,354
Send a message via ICQ to PointyHairedJedi Send a message via AIM to PointyHairedJedi Send a message via Yahoo to PointyHairedJedi
Default

They'll be in the 'cut scenes' section on the DVD when it comes out.
__________________
Mason: Luckily we at the Agency use use a high-tech piece of software that will let us spot him instantly via high-res satellite images.
Sergeant: You can? That's amazing!
Mason: Yes. We call it 'Google Earth'.
- Five Minute 24 S1 (it lives, honest!)

"Everybody loves pie!"
- Spongebob Squarepants
Reply With Quote
  #31  
Old 01-05-2008, 05:26 AM
mudshark's Avatar
mudshark mudshark is offline
Is he ever gonna hit Krazy Kat, or what?
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: UMRK
Posts: 1,738
Default

Tap-dancing monkey alert...

*snicker, chortle, wheeze*
__________________
Methinks Ted Sturgeon was too kind.

'Yes, but I think some people should be offended.'
-- John Cleese (on whether he thought some might be offended by Monty Python)
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 01-17-2008, 07:16 PM
PointyHairedJedi's Avatar
PointyHairedJedi PointyHairedJedi is offline
He'd enjoy a third pie
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The Scotlands
Posts: 4,354
Send a message via ICQ to PointyHairedJedi Send a message via AIM to PointyHairedJedi Send a message via Yahoo to PointyHairedJedi
Default

And now for the exciting conclusion in two parts! Oooh-er!



Valium: We're entering a pretty big debris cloud, sir.
Nate: Strange, it's not on any of the charts. I know! They must have blown up Alderaan! Also, that's no moon, it's a--
Zeke: Very amusing, I'm sure, but let's stick to the facts. And if it turns out to be an ambush, then I'm calling that line right now.
Nate: Aw.
Zeke: Rank hath its privileges, and so on. Mister Valium, can you tell me any more?
Valium: Yes. "In sixteen-hundred and ninety-two, Columbus sailed the ocean blue."
Zeke: I don't wish to know that! I meant about the debris cloud, of course.
Valium: Most of it is the remains of the USS Voyager, but parts appear to come from the USS Titan as well. I'd say the former was destroyed outright and the latter severely damaged and then towed.
Zeke: They... blew up... Voyager?
IJD: Wow. I don't think I've ever seen you go quite that colour before.
LtFielding: Forgive me if this is a stupid question, but what's so special about Voyager?
Mudshark: He's a big fan of the serial they made out of it for the News And Fun Federation network. I heard that the one time he actually got to meet Admiral Janeway in person he was so nervous that--
Zeke: Ahem, I think that's enough of that particular story. Right! Ask-- no, tell Pointy to sweep the area and watch our backs while we pick up the flight recorders and bodies and such.
Tate: You could tell him yourself, sir, he's hailing.
Zeke: You know, I don't care. He'll only say something that'll make me want to shoot him, and I need to save that for... him. The other him. You know.
Nan: Transporter room here, el capitano. We've got the recorders aboard and are recovering bodies now.
IJD: Liek, whoah.
Zeke: Nan! Where did you spring from? I had no idea you were the transporter chief. How come I never noticed you on board before?
Nan: I've been lurking in the shadows, mysteriously.
Zeke: Also, aren't you a Romulan?
Nan: That just means I'm extra good at it. Lurk lurk lurk.
Valium: Doesn't saying 'lurk lurk lurk' make the lurking less effective?
Nan: I can't hear you, I'm too busy lurking. Bodies all aboard now sir.
Zeke: Very well. Mister Valium, did you find out where they went?
Valium: I would imagine the morgue.
Zeke: ...
Valium: Fine, fine. They headed towards the nearest planetary system, with what's left of the Titan in tow. The tractor beam has left a pretty clear trail.
Zeke: Mister Nate, set a course!

PHJ: I'm looking for Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch. Has anyone seen Mike Rotch?
Number One: You know sir, it's not really a prank call when you do it over your own PA system.
PHJ: That sounds dangerously like logic, Number One.
Number One: It does have it's uses sometimes.
S.O.: Talking computers into self-destruction, you mean?
T.O.: To be fair, the Admiral has never really favoured that approach, have you sir?
PHJ: Heavens no. Semtex every time. Oh, I do so enjoy our jolly little chats on the bridge. I.P. Freely! Does anyone here know I.P. Freely?
Comms: Sir, Zeke's signalling that he knows where the SSWIPTT went.
S.O.: It's not hard to figure out -- you'd just have to follow that trail of charged partic-- *SPALT*
Number One: Is if just me, or did that one make a noise that sounded like 'spalt'?
PHJ: I'm trying out a new recipe. TO, take us to von Richthofen alert and stand by with all weapons. Let's go and kick my arse!
All: Woo-hoo!
PHJ: Just to clarify, I mean MU me, not me me.
All: Aw.
PHJ: Deal with it. Helm, engage!

mT.O.: Two more incoming ships, sir.
mChief: We're in reasonable shape from the last battle, but I can't make any promises. There just hasn't been enough time to make any effective repairs.
mPHJ: Hrmph. Remind me to have you tortured later then. Recall all the teams from that dead ship and make ready for battle. Let's get ready to prod buttock!
mT.O.: With great gusto, my hairy captain!

*The Ottawa appears first, immediately firing a large volley of torpedoes and banking to avoid any incoming fire, which it sort of manages but quite; it takes several hits to the starboard side of the saucer (though it's really more of a spoon than a saucer in this case). Inside, everyone is getting bounced around quite nicely.*

Zeke: Next time, when I tell you to avoid incoming fire, you think you might actually try and avoid it?
Nate: I missed most of it! Sheesh, you are so picky!
Mudshark: Shields holding, commodore, but those torpedoes didn't do much in the way of damage to them. They aren't in great shape to begin with though.
Zeke: Excellent. Now, where the hell is Pointy?
Valium: Beats me, sir. Incoming!
Zeke: I am so going to him fired.

*The two ships continue to peck away at each other, neither decisively; some way away from where the action is taking place, a very strange scene is happening...*

PHJ: Wheeeeeeee! Wheeeeeeeeeeee!
Number One: Sir! We should be helping Zeke to fight the other you!
PHJ: Chill out, dude. This is fun!
S.O.: Nauseating is what it is. I'll have you know I suffer from terrible motion sickness.
PHJ: That's rich, coming from you. Inertial dampeners, and all that.
S.O.: That may be as so, sir, but the way the main viewer is spinning round and round and round and round and... oh dear. Where's that sick bag?
PHJ: Gnarly.
T.O.: I'm begging you, please, never ever say that again. Especially not whilst wearing hotpants. I most strongly recommend that we get the hell on with kicking the other you's arse!
PHJ: Obviously you can't appreciate the beauty of what I've done. A roundabout in space -- have you ever heard of something so wonderfully ludicrous? My genius just cannot be denied!
Helm: 'Genius' is one word for it. I can think of some others...
Number One: Sir, I'm begging you! Some of us want to still have jobs when this is all over!
PHJ: Hah! You'll be lucky if you're still alive when this is over.
*Silence*
PHJ: I don't even get any marks for honesty? Oh, you lot are so harsh sometimes. Fine, you party poopers, we'll mosey over to the battle, but you mark my words -- someday, the space roundabout will catch on. I'd stake my considerably strange reputation on it!

*Meanwhile, the odds seem to have turned against the Ottawa -- despite the legendary and mystical ability of the Intrepid to take a jolly good kicking without leaving a mark, the battle with the SSWIPTT is evidently taking its toll on the small ship. On the outside, it's starting to look pretty beat-up; on the inside, even more so, with silver pipes of indeterminate function lying all over the place and generally getting in the way. And showers of sparks, of course. There are always showers of sparks.*

Mudshark: Shields at 47% and holding!
*KA-BOOM!*
Nate: I think we just got hit again.
Zeke: Give that man a promotion.
Nate: Really?
Zeke: No. Mister NAH, how bad does it look down there?
NAH: Pretty bad, sir. A conduit exploded in the bulkhead separating us from the Frogarium... I don't know quite how to say this, sir, but there are bits of frog everywhere.
Zeke: Ewww. Mister Shark, how many torps do we have left?
*KABLOWIE!*
Mudshark: Uh.... the display seems to be faulty. It's telling me there are 3.1459 left. Isn't that...?
Zeke: Mmmm, pi. Save them for the moment then -- I guess we'll just have to try and do the job with phasers. Also, WHERE THE HELL IS POINTY?
Valium: Still no... oh wait, there he is.
Sa'ar: Incoming message, text only. It just says... "JITNOT".
Zeke: I shoulda guessed. Mister Nate, take us in close! Fire at will!

T.O.: Commencing attack!
PHJ: YEEEEE-HAH!

mPHJ: Hey, it's me again! Concentrate fire on the new ship, that'll teach me not to surrender to someone as awesome as I!

*Swooping around each other, the SSWIPTT and the WWYPTT blaze away at each other, with the Ottawa pouring in fire from the sidelines; the ship from the MU puts up a good fight, but it is simply too damaged from the earlier engagements to effectively defend itself, and it is quickly worn down, with many cool explosions taking place in the process*

mPHJ: Hey, they're winning! That's not fair!
mChief: Terrible news -- the shipwide quantum teleport doohicky is offline.
mPHJ: Which means...
mChief: The SSWIPTT can't teleport back to our own universe any more. Plus, I should hardly need to mention that the ship is being blasted to pieces even as we speak.
mPHJ: Pants.
*FAZOOOM!*
mRedshirts: GAK!
mPHJ: They're killing my redshirts! Only I am allowed to kill my redshirts!
mT.O.: The shields will collapse pretty soon, sir, and weapons systems are failing! We've even run out of rocks to throw at them!
mPHJ: Double pants. Number One, I have a plan!
mNumber One: Would this plan involve ramming something, sir?
mPHJ: You better believe it, buddy.
mHelm: How... super.
__________________
Mason: Luckily we at the Agency use use a high-tech piece of software that will let us spot him instantly via high-res satellite images.
Sergeant: You can? That's amazing!
Mason: Yes. We call it 'Google Earth'.
- Five Minute 24 S1 (it lives, honest!)

"Everybody loves pie!"
- Spongebob Squarepants

Last edited by PointyHairedJedi; 01-17-2008 at 08:55 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 01-17-2008, 07:16 PM
PointyHairedJedi's Avatar
PointyHairedJedi PointyHairedJedi is offline
He'd enjoy a third pie
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The Scotlands
Posts: 4,354
Send a message via ICQ to PointyHairedJedi Send a message via AIM to PointyHairedJedi Send a message via Yahoo to PointyHairedJedi
Default

S.O.: They're coming about, sir, and unless I've very much mistaken they mean to ram us.
PHJ: The magnificent beast! All hands, abandon ship!
Helm: We could just... you know, steer away from them.
PHJ: And ruin a perfectly good ramming? I think not!
Number One: But this is the third ship this month! Starfleet said they won't give you any more if you keep going through them at this rate.
PHJ: Meh. With the dirt I've got on those bozos I can go through as many as I like.
S.O.: Sir, there isn't time for the pods to get away. They're almost on top of us!
PHJ: Now sounds like a fine time to pay Zeke a visit. Transporters, energise!

*The SSWIPTT, moving at a fair old clip, ploughs straight into the WWYPTT, initially sending debris everywhere (and in a much more dramatic fashion than with that sissy Enterprise-E); both ships are quickly eclipsed in a huge, really cool, explosion, the sort that would be the envy of any Death Star you care to mention, or even Steven Segal, which is saying a lot because that guy can make things explode just by standing near them. Anyway, you get the idea, I think.*

PHJ: Please tell me you were recording that. It would be such a shame not to have saved such a beautiful explosion for posterity.
Zeke: ...What the hell are you doing on my bridge?
PHJ: That should be, 'What the hell are you doing on my bridge, sir'.
Zeke: I'd blanter you with my own hands if Mister GAF weren't attached to one and Mister Shark the other.
PHJ: There's a tradition -- if an officer comes aboard a ship, and he's the same rank as the one who commands that ship, he gets treated as though he were of one rank higher. Plus, you haven't complimented me on my hotpants yet.
Zeke: Firstly, I don't care, and secondly, I'm trying really hard to keep my eyes above waist level. There are some things that I just don't need to see in this life, and you wearing hotpants is one of them.
Valium: If I might interrupt this scintillating repartee, sirs, the Mirror Universe ship appears to have been crewless when it struck the WWIPTT. I can only surmise that they had access to personal transdimensional transporters and were able to escape back to their own universe.
PHJ: So, my alter ego survived? Excellent. He is far too splendid to die quite so easily as that.
Zeke: EASILY? My ship has been half-blasted to pieces, not to mention yours being totally so, most of my crew are injured, and there are bits of dead frog all over the engine room! You call that easy?
PHJ: Considering that you're talking about polishing off a more evil version of me, yeah.
Zeke: You actually have a fair point there. Bugger. I hate it when that happens.
PHJ: Nate, where's the nearest starbase? We should set a course at once.
Zeke: Hey! This is still my bridge. I'll give the orders around here!
Nate: Well?
Zeke: ...What the hairy idiot said.
Nate: The state we're in, that's a three week trip.
PHJ: Very well. Mister Nate, engage!
Zeke: Three weeks... with Pointy? Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

*Zeke loses his sanity at Ludicrous Speed*


THE END
__________________
Mason: Luckily we at the Agency use use a high-tech piece of software that will let us spot him instantly via high-res satellite images.
Sergeant: You can? That's amazing!
Mason: Yes. We call it 'Google Earth'.
- Five Minute 24 S1 (it lives, honest!)

"Everybody loves pie!"
- Spongebob Squarepants

Last edited by PointyHairedJedi; 01-17-2008 at 08:56 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 01-18-2008, 06:06 PM
mudshark's Avatar
mudshark mudshark is offline
Is he ever gonna hit Krazy Kat, or what?
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: UMRK
Posts: 1,738
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by PointyHairedJedi View Post
...the News And Fun Federation network.
*snerf*


Quote:
...someday, the space roundabout will catch on. I'd stake my considerably strange reputation on it!
And well you should.


With showers of sparks -- always showers of sparks.
__________________
Methinks Ted Sturgeon was too kind.

'Yes, but I think some people should be offended.'
-- John Cleese (on whether he thought some might be offended by Monty Python)
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 01-18-2008, 07:03 PM
Chancellor Valium's Avatar
Chancellor Valium Chancellor Valium is offline
Reasonably priced male pills
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Rhen Var, sitting on a radiator...
Posts: 4,595
Send a message via MSN to Chancellor Valium
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by PointyHairedJedi View Post
Zeke: Rank hath its privileges, and so on. Mister Valium, can you tell me any more?
Valium: Yes. "In sixteen-hundred and ninety-two, Columbus sailed the ocean blue."
...
Zeke: Very well. Mister Valium, did you find out where they went?
Valium: I would imagine the morgue.
Zeke: ...


Ask a silly question...Speaking of which...

*CV puts on a ridiculous falsetto child's voice and some glass innocent-looking eyes.*

Please, sir, is there any more?
__________________
O to be wafted away
From this black aceldama of sorrow;
Where the dust of an earthy today
Is the earth of a dusty tomorrow!
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 01-19-2008, 01:41 AM
mudshark's Avatar
mudshark mudshark is offline
Is he ever gonna hit Krazy Kat, or what?
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: UMRK
Posts: 1,738
Default

More?

Catch him! Snatch him!
Hold him! Scold him!
Pounce him, trounce him
Pick him up and bounce him!
__________________
Methinks Ted Sturgeon was too kind.

'Yes, but I think some people should be offended.'
-- John Cleese (on whether he thought some might be offended by Monty Python)
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 01-19-2008, 03:39 AM
Nate the Great's Avatar
Nate the Great Nate the Great is offline
You just activated his Trek card
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 4,859
Default

Uh, yeah, sorry it took so long for me to notice this. I guess I took one look at the thread title and thought it had to be about one of those shows I don't watch, one of those virtual season projects I don't read, or so on. Anyway, thanks for including me! Does this mean I've been promoted to The Old Guard now?

Zeke: Dammit, I can't believe it's come to this.
Nate: Yeah yeah, just gimme the pips.
Zeke: I mean, I really can't believe it's come to this. *Sigh* Crewman Nate, I hereby promote you to Junior Apprentice Helmsperson, Third Grade.
Nate: Woo hoo! I get to steer the ship!

Happy dance! My first step to ruling the universe!

Zeke: I'm still going to punish you by turning down the heating anyway.
IJD: Again? But it's practically an icecube in here already!
Nate: Don't be daft. Back home in Minnesota we'd call this sunbathing weather.
IJD: Eskimos. I'm surrounded by flaming Eskimos. Hrmph.

Brr. I'm not that coldblooded. I still prefer goose down coats. In any event, I may've actually used the word "daft" in my life. It certainly sounds like me.

*There is silence, and crickets can be heard (which is pretty strange when you think about it. I mean, how on earth would crickets get onto the bridge of a Federation starship ? The only logical conclusion is that someone released them on purpose just in case there was such a silence, and who'd do a wacky thing like that? Except, of course, Nate is now on the bridge, so... Uh, yeah. Back to the story)*

I can totally see myself raising crickets for the express purpose of beaming them onto the bridge for moments like this. It'd be a riot!

Nate: Nice use of 'arse' there, sir.
Zeke: Your toadying is noted.

Thank you, sir.

Nate: Strange, it's not on any of the charts. I know! They must have blown up Alderaan! Also, that's no moon, it's a--
Zeke: Very amusing, I'm sure, but let's stick to the facts. And if it turns out to be an ambush, then I'm calling that line right now.
Nate: Aw.
Zeke: Rank hath its privileges, and so on.

Hehe. I'm sure if we ever speak in real life you'll be cutting me off with "Very amusing, I'm sure" within minutes. "Aw," indeed.

Zeke: Next time, when I tell you to avoid incoming fire, you think you might actually try and avoid it?
Nate: I missed most of it! Sheesh, you are so picky!

Now I DO use sheesh. As I'd have said in this instance, "close enough for government work."

*KA-BOOM!*
Nate: I think we just got hit again.
Zeke: Give that man a promotion.
Nate: Really?
Zeke: No.

Oh sure, dangle that carrot, Z, dangle that carrot.
__________________
mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate.
Zeke: It comes nateurally to him.

mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea.

Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity.

Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own!

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 01-19-2008, 04:39 AM
NAHTMMM's Avatar
NAHTMMM NAHTMMM is offline
Noodles And Hot Tofu! MMM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: St Louis, MO, USA, . . .
Posts: 2,959
Send a message via Yahoo to NAHTMMM
Default

Wheeeeee!, indeed!
__________________
My 5MV webpages My novel fivers list

Yup

“There must have been a point in early human history when it was actually advantageous to, when confronted with a difficult task, drop it altogether and go do something more fun, because I do that way too often for it to be anything but instinct.” -- Isto Combs
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 01-19-2008, 06:06 PM
mudshark's Avatar
mudshark mudshark is offline
Is he ever gonna hit Krazy Kat, or what?
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: UMRK
Posts: 1,738
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nate the Great View Post
Uh, yeah, sorry it took so long for me to notice this. I guess I took one look at the thread title and thought it had to be about one of those shows I don't watch, one of those virtual season projects I don't read, or so on.
BAW = Bored at Work

BAW fivers were invented and so named by Celeste one day back in Ought-whenever-it-was, when she was... well, I think you can probably fill in the blanks.

And never apologize for being sorry.
__________________
Methinks Ted Sturgeon was too kind.

'Yes, but I think some people should be offended.'
-- John Cleese (on whether he thought some might be offended by Monty Python)
Reply With Quote
  #40  
Old 01-23-2008, 11:46 AM
PointyHairedJedi's Avatar
PointyHairedJedi PointyHairedJedi is offline
He'd enjoy a third pie
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The Scotlands
Posts: 4,354
Send a message via ICQ to PointyHairedJedi Send a message via AIM to PointyHairedJedi Send a message via Yahoo to PointyHairedJedi
Default

I may write another at some point if an idea should strike me, but I've no definite plans. I should also say, hurrah for Google Docs, without which this one wouldn't have been written.

I'm glad you've all enjoyed it, though I'm a little disappointed Zeke hasn't smoted (smiten? smitted? smoten?) me for calling Voyager NAFF and killing Janeway in an entirely gratuitous fashion. It was awfully fun, you know. I should kill her more often.
__________________
Mason: Luckily we at the Agency use use a high-tech piece of software that will let us spot him instantly via high-res satellite images.
Sergeant: You can? That's amazing!
Mason: Yes. We call it 'Google Earth'.
- Five Minute 24 S1 (it lives, honest!)

"Everybody loves pie!"
- Spongebob Squarepants
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 11:06 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.2
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.