July 10

[Scooter]

July 10

Hello. My name is Romanadvoratrelundar, and I've been asked by 5MDW section head Scooter of Erthagen to host tonight's installment of the Five Minute Doctor Who Anniversary Special. Honestly, I can't think why I've agreed. Though I will admit that the episodes
featured tonight do showcase some of my better successes at putting that blustering blowhard we all know as the Doctor in his proper place. I may have another peek at them myself, actually. While we're here.

Now, I've been told that the Time Lords are all dead, and that I've regenerated already and am presumed to be off gallivanting around something called E-space, but fortunately as this is an anniversary special none of that matters. You can think of me as reporting from an interstitial synergized emergency vortex cavity reinforcement module if — what? yes, yes, "one of those Time Lord pyramid paperweight things" — if it helps you to relax.

Tonight's episodes were all fived by a fellow named Curt Rozeboom and constitute the first half of the quest for the Key to Time, a nasty affair which I was tricked into and about which I was told nothing. And whose fault is that? Well, I'm sure I'm too polite to say. Anyway tonight's fivers are:

• "The Ribos Operation," in which I must say I make rather more of a first impression on the old Doctor than he's prepared to admit;


• "The Pirate Planet," the only broadcast episode by Douglas Adams, in which K-9 and I foil a vile scheme to use up whole planets while the Doctor just stands around gossiping with his psychic friends network like the useless duffer he is; and


• "The Stones of Blood," in which, if you'll believe it, he actually lets me dangle off a cliff for ages even though as it's the hundredth Doctor Who serial he ought to be at least feigning some modicum of respectability for the occasion.

Apparently there are a fair number of you who are not familiar with the Doctor, despite the fact that he talks about himself at every opportunity. Here are some links which may help you:

• Alan Kistler's Monitor Duty has charming and helpful "newbie" introductions to each of the Doctors, starting with the first one.


• Doctor Who's Tragical History Tour has some great images of each story if you want to see what we look like.


• The Doctor Who Reference Guide gives very detailed plot recaps.


• Doctor Who news can be found at Outpost Gallifrey and at the BBC.

That's all from me, but I'm sure others will guide you just as ably through the rest of this week's anniversary special, which I'm told will be ever so thrilling.

[Derek]

Honestly, Romanadvoratrelundar reminds me a bit of Krevlorneswath of the Deathwok Clan.

Graff Vynda-K: Now witch, I predict that you will either find the thief or die. Can you top that?
Professor Trelawney: All but one of us are doomed to die!
Sholakh: Oh, like that's a hard prediction to make in a 70s Doctor Who episode.

Or like that's an uncommon prediction coming from Professor Trelawney. (Btw, how the heck did she end up there?)

Romana: Since the academy no longer teaches COBOL, I followed my Art-History mentor's advice.
Doctor: Oh, and what would that be?
Romana: RTFM.

Heh.

De Vries: I've been expecting you Doctor!
Doctor: Really, I don't even expect me!

Heh.

Nice fivers, Curt.

[mudshark]

Doctor: It has been known. One more thing -- your name. It's giving the fiver-writer a hand-cramp.
Romanad'vorat-relundar: You mean he's never heard of cut and paste?
(ping)
Romana: Oh no, my least favorite aunt always used to call me that!
(ping)
Ro: Fine, fine, Romana, then. And get this bumpy ridge off my nose.

K-9: Master, lifeforms approaching! Quick, we must hide in these graves!
Doctor: All right, it worked for Juliet!
Romana: Wait, wasn't she killed?

& c.
:snerf:

K-9: My calculations show that on a scale of 1 to 10 of most worthless companions, you are at least an 8, mistress.
Romana: At least I don't need to be carried up stairs.

K-9: (sigh) 8.25 and rising. ZAPPP!

Unstoffe: Without the mcguffinite, how're we supposed to con people, eh wascally wabbit?
Garron: Using the Graff's ship, which we power with this mcguff... huh. Well, at least now I know what textual pickpocketing looks like.

*snicker*

Good fiver! Back later to read the rest.


Edit: (later)

Mentiads: Di-e Jesu domine, dona eis requiem (WHAP!)

& c.

The mystery of meddlin' Druids.

*snerk*