Mega Man: I love this peaceful life. Peace, peace, peace, that's the way it is.
Dr. Light: Hey Mega Man, my assistant just went bad and deployed six evil robots to destroy the world. Would you mind stopping him?
Mega Man: Well, if you insist...but only through diplomacy and pacifism.
Dr. Light: Excuse me while I reprogram you.
Mega Man: I'd really prefer that you -- [BEEP] -- tell me where they are so I can kill them all! Lemme at 'em! Lemme at 'em!
Mega Man: Okay, so what weapons will I have?
Dr. Light: You've got this blaster for an arm. It fires weak little balls of energy. Careful, it overheats if you do more than three in a row.
Mega Man: That's it? Can't I slide or charge up? Don't I even have a robotic canine assistant?
Dr. Light: Well, you can jump.
Mega Man: Everybody can jump!
Dr. Light: I can't. It's a "white men" thing. But I'll tell you what you can do -- you can take your enemies' weapons after you destroy them.
Mega Man: Oh, that's great. Grave robbery. And how good can the weapons be if I've defeated them with this pea-shooter?
Dr. Light: Next time I reprogram you, your griping subroutine is the first thing to go.
(ZAP)
Fire Man: Greetings. I am Fire Man.
Mega Man: Really? Then I can just shoot you till you die! You're powerless without a fire hydrant.
Fire Man: No no -- I don't put fires out, I start them. I'm a Fahrenheit 451 kind of guy.
Mega Man: I think I'll still shoot you till you die. Fire away!
Fire Man: Oh, that was bad.
Bomb Man: OW! OW! Will you quit using Fire Storm on me?
Mega Man: Not really. Why?
Bomb Man: It keeps igniting the fuses of my -- OW! -- bombs so they -- OW! -- explode early. Stop it!
Mega Man: Okay, I can understand the other names. Fire Man, Bomb Man...it makes sense. But Guts Man? What the hell is that about?
Guts Man: I hate your guts.
Mega Man: Oh. Well, I bet you don't have the guts to jump on this pile of Hyper Bombs....
Guts Man: Oh yeah? Watch me.
Mega Man: Uh oh -- here comes Edward Scissorhead. Hee hee!
Cut Man: Oh, like you're the first one to think of that. Eat razor-sharp Pac-Man things.
Mega Man: No problem. I'll just use Guts Man's weapon, the mighty..."Super Arm"? What the--?
Cut Man: Oh, you don't know? It lets you pick up massive blocks and throw them.
Mega Man: And where do I find these massive blocks?
Cut Man: You could start with your skull.
Elec Man: You know, I can kill you dead in three lousy shots.
Mega Man: How many non-lousy shots?
Elec Man: Shut up. And put that Rolling Cutter away.
Mega Man: Oh, I don't think so.
Mega Man: Uh oh -- the iceman cometh. Hee hee!
Ice Man: Don't you have any original lines? Here, shake hands with my Ice Slasher.
Mega Man: OW! Hmmm...what weapon to use?
Ice Man: Pssssssst -- use the fire weapon.
Mega Man: That makes sense. Hey, wait a minute! You're the enemy! You must be giving me bad advice!
Ice Man: Drat. Almost had him.
Mega Man: At last I've killed all the Robot Masters. Now it should be smooth sailing.
Rock Monster: GRAAR!
Mega Man: That was unexpected. Now how do I kill a gigantic rock monster?
Rock Monster: GRAAR!
Mega Man: I've got it -- the Thunder Beam!
Voice of Reason: Rocks don't conduct electricity....
Mega Man: Sorry, the monster is drowning you out.
Clone: MWAHAHAHAHA! I am your evil clone!
Mega Man: What? I've underestimated Wily -- if he can clone robots, the laws of common sense obviously have no effect on him. And that means I can't count on succeeding even if I make sensible weapon choices....
Clone: Hey, I'm still here! Pay attention to me!
Mega Man: Ah well...I'd better go fight him now. Here goes nothing.
Clone: Don't just walk by! Fight me! Fightfightfight! Come on! Please? Awwww....
Dr. Wily: You may have defeated my Robot Masters, but now you must face me -- Wile E. Coyote! I mean Dr. Wily!
Mega Man: Just call me the Road Runner, baby. So what's the weak point of this engine of destruction you've got here?
Dr. Wily: See that cannon at the bottom?
Mega Man: Yeah?
Dr. Wily: Flammable.
Mega Man: Excellent.
Mega Man: I've defeated Dr. Wily and saved the world.
Dr. Light: And what have you learned from the experience?
Mega Man: Oh, my lessons have been many and varied. I learned that reverse psychology is a powerful tool. I learned that Pac-Man is deadlier than he looks. I learned that "flammable" means the same thing as "inflammable."
Dr. Light: Valuable lessons indeed. May they be of use to you in your future games.
Mega Man: What the--? Future games? We never discussed that! Shouldn't I be going back to my life of peace?
Dr. Light: I'll be honest with you, Mega Man...you were a real square back then. It's better for us all this way.
(The credits roll at Ludicrous Speed)
THE END
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