Mega Man: Dr. Light! I just heard that eight new Robot Masters are attacking -- Dr. Wily must have escaped!
Dr. Light: What are you talking about? Wily repented and became my assistant. He's standing right behind you.
Dr. Wily: Hello, Mega Man. We're working on a peacekeeping robot for keeping the peace.
Mega Man: Can't I please kill him?
Mega Man: I'm going to go fight those Robot Masters who were not, of course, created by Wily.
Dr. Light: Stop rolling your eyes. Oh, before you go, I have some upgrades for you.
Mega Man: About time! I can't wait to start charging up and kicking a--
Dr. Light: Um, I'm not talking about your blaster.
Mega Man: Awwww! I really wanted that! Oh, well...what do I get?
Dr. Light: The ability to slide, and also this robot dog.
Rush: Ruff! Ruff!
Mega Man: Can I call him Porthos?
Dr. Light: No!
(ZAP)
Mega Man: Hey, who are you? You don't look like a Robot Master.
Break Man: No, I'm Break Man.
Mega Man: Gimme a break.
Break Man: That's the general idea.
Mega Man: Ohhhhhh heck. You know, I asked Dr. Wily to build me out of a non-magnetic metal....
Magnet Man: Sucks to be you. Even more so because you're not armed with the Spark Shock, my weakness.
Mega Man: Hmm...that gives me an idea. Keep pulling me in with your magnet powers...closer, closer...there!
Magnet Man: AAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Mega Man: Jumper cables. Never leave home without 'em.
Mega Man: Oh, you again. Who are you?
Break Man: I already told you: Break Man.
Mega Man: So you brake for men?
Break Man: No.
Mega Man: You don't brake for men? You monster!
Break Man: Oh, shut up and spar!
Mega Man: Hard Man, is it?
Hard Man: That's Doctor Hard Man to you. I'm a graduate of the School of Hard Knuckles.
Mega Man: Wow, you're so funny. Almost as funny as death by Magnet Missiles.
Hard Man: How funny is that?
Mega Man: Observe.
Top Man: WHIRR! WHIRR! WHIRR! Please kill me...I'm soooo dizzy....
Mega Man: Been there, man. Never go to Six Flags on a full stomach.
Break Man: Have you had your break today?
Mega Man: You again? I beat you twice already!
Break Man: Them's the breaks, pal.
Mega Man: And stop it with the puns!
Shadow Man: EAT NINJA DEATH!
Mega Man: Ow. Ow. Ow. This is going to be difficult without inside information. Hey Shadow-guy, what works on you?
Shadow Man: Nothing -- especially not Top Spin. Don't even bother trying that weapon.
Mega Man: Heh.
Mega Man: I've killed Elec Man before, so you should be a piece of cake.
Spark Man: Hey! I'm completely different from Elec Man. He fires beams, I fire spheres. He has a flat room, I have a bumpy one.
Mega Man: He's weak against the Rolling Cutter....
Spark Man: ....I'm weak against the Shadow Blade. See how different we--OH CRAP!
Mega Man: Funny, I haven't seen that red guy in a while....
Break Man: I'm on break, man.
Mega Man: Hahahahahahaha!
Snake Man: What? What is it?
Mega Man: Sorry...it's just that you look ridiculous in that outfit.
Snake Man: Everybody makes fun of me! Why can I get no respect?
Mega Man: You again!
Break Man: Actually, I'm just here to break this section of ground so you can do the rest of the level.
Mega Man: If you make a joke on the word "groundbreaking," you can kiss your transistors goodbye.
Break Man: But I'm on your side!
Mega Man: Nobody who would make that pun is on my side.
Gemini Man: Hello.
Gemini Man: Hello.
Mega Man: This is disturbing. How can there be two of you?
Gemini Man: One of us is a fake....
Gemini Man: ....but you'll have to kill us both to find out which.
Mega Man: Okay, okay. Just let me pick a weapon. Let's see...your name starts with G, and that also stands for garter, and garter is a kind of snake -- aha!
Gemini Men: Oh my stars and garters.
Needle Man: Gemini Laser works on me. I'm not afraid to say that, since I'm almost impossible to hit with it.
Mega Man: Does that go both ways? Am I almost impossible to hit with your Needle Cannon?
Needle Man: You wish. Hey, don't stand so close to me. A guy needs his personal space.
Mega Man: Sorry -- if I were farther away, I couldn't shoot you in the eye.
Needle Man: Don't you know how dangerous it is to shoot lasers in people's eyes?
Mega Man: I have a vague idea, yes.
Mega Man: Who are you? I thought I got all the Robot Masters.
Doc Robot: Joke's on you -- I'm full of Robot Masters! I can summon eight of them at will!
Mega Man: What if I kill you before you can summon them?
Doc Robot: How do you propose to do that?
Mega Man: It's deceptively simple. See this needle here? I'd like you to humour me and pretend it's one of those instant-death spikes that line the walls.
Doc Robot: Hmmmm...okay. Now what?
Mega Man: Now I poke you with it.
Doc Robot: AAAAA! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO....
Mega Man: See? The mind is a powerful thing.
Break Man: Break time!
Mega Man: Hey, why are you sparring with me again? You said you were on my side.
Break Man: I never said I was on only your side. Anyway, this is our last round -- I'll leave you alone while you go after Wily.
Mega Man: Good.
Break Man: Though I may at some point save your butt, causing you to owe me big time.
Mega Man: Oh, don't you even think about it....
Dr. Light: Horrible news, Mega Man! D--
Mega Man: Let me guess: Dr. Wily finally got around to betraying you?
Dr. Light: Er...yes, and--
Mega Man: And he absconded with Gamma, that "peacekeeping" robot he was working on?
Dr. Light: You don't have to rub it in, you know.
Mega Man: Do too. I told you so! I told you so! Ha ha!
(ZAP)
Rock Monster: GRAAR!
Mega Man: Oh great...you again. Guess I should use the Spark Shock, since electricity worked before.
Voice of Reason: No, use the Hard Knuckle!
Rock Monster: GRAAR!
Mega Man: That's a thought. Thanks, Voice of Reason.
Voice of Reason: No problem. Thank goodness I remembered to talk between the monster's "GRAAR"s this time.
Clone 1: I am your evil clone! BWAHAHAHAHA!
Clone 2: No you're not -- I am!
Clone 3: I'm the evil clone, you imposters!
Clones: That's it, you're going down!
Mega Man: Well, that problem took care of itself.
Dr. Wily: Oh, hi Mega Man. Would you believe I'm planning to use Gamma to...um...start a peace somewhere?
Mega Man: Give it up. I know your scheme.
Dr. Wily: Drat...guess I'll have to crush you, then.
Mega Man: You'll fail. Know why?
Dr. Wily: Why?
Mega Man: Because I'm tired of trying to guess which weapon works best -- I'm going to fire them all at once! BANZAI!
Dr. Wily: You fool! You'll bring the ceiling down on--
Ceiling: CRUNCH
Break Man: Heheheheheh...he's gonna hate this when he wakes up.
Dr. Light: Mega Man! You're awake!
Mega Man: Yeah...hey, how did I escape that explosion?
Dr. Light: Somebody brought you back here just in time and then left, saying something about making a break for it.
Mega Man: Oh, dammit! Now I owe that cheeseball.
Dr. Light: Got a surprise for you, actually -- he's your brother Proto Man.
Mega Man: What? Next you'll be telling me I'm adopted!
Dr. Light: Ummmm....
(The credits roll at Ludicrous Speed)
THE END
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