Five-Minute "Star Trek: Insurrection"
Little Kid: Aaaah! There's a creepy mechanical head floating around our village! |
Data: Zap! Pow!
Picard: Merde, I hate diplomatic functions. Quick, somebody come up with a contrived emergency so I won't have to dance with this vomit-ugly alien.
Riker: Imzadi, I want to get it on with you.
Picard: Data, you are malfunctioning. Return to the Enterprise at once for repairs.
La Forge: Looks like Data got weird because someone shot him. Hey, guys, I've got an idea -- let's all go down to the planet so whoever did it can attack us, too.
Troi: How about a nice romantic bubble bath with me, Will?
Data: This is where it happened. Hey, look over there, in the lake! A hidden ship with a huge holodeck! Someone must be planning to abduct the villagers!
Idiot Admiral: I'm ordering the Enterprise to return to Earth at once, so that my decrepit new pals here can get rid of the villagers and steal the secret of eternal youth.
Crusher: Captain, we all know you're going to disobey orders and stay on the planet to protect the villagers, and we wouldn't dream of letting you go into danger alone. (aside) Not a chance I'd leave Jean-Luc alone with that hussy Anij.
Ru'afo: Admiral, you know the Enterprise is gonna blow the whistle on us when it gets into communications range. That is, if we let it get that far.
Picard: Come on, let's get these villagers up into the mountains where they'll be safe.
Picard: Anij, sweetie pie, I know this isn't the best time, and you're older than my great-grandmother, but what the hey, I've been in space much too long. Wanna do the nasty?
Riker: This really sucks canal water. The Enterprise has just been chased into a nebula by attacking ships. Oh, well, no problem, we can just blow them up by igniting explosive gases. Good thing we all ate plenty of beans for lunch.
Picard: Now that I've saved Anij, she's gonna put out for sure. Oh, crud, the bad guys just got us. Now what do I do?
Idiot Admiral: This has gone far enough! I refuse to cooperate with your evil plans any longer!
Data: With my usual android brilliance, I have successfully accomplished the transportation of the evil Ru'afo to the holo-ship on the planet.
Ru'afo: Don't even think about setting the gizmo to self-destruct!
Riker: What's the range of our transporters?
Worf: The guys who grabbed me have all decided to surrender. Looks like Klingon body odor is lethal to them.
Picard: Another triumph for the Enterprise. Anij, babe, now that I've had some -- um, I mean, had a wonderful and meaningful romantic interlude with you -- the stars are calling. But I'll be back to visit you when I take my next shore leave.
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DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.
All material © 2001, Meg M. Evans.