Five-Minute Stargate SG-1: "Descent" by Nan [SG-1, plus Jacob, Davis and some guy in a cargo ship.] Jonas: Ooooh, I'm on a mission! In space! Cue the echo chamber. Jonaaas.... iiiin... spaaaaace... Teal'c: Heh. Newbie. Jacob: An abandoned ship. Hunh. With no lifesigns. Hunh. Carter: Curiouser and curiouser. Hey, it's the ship Anubis used to capture Thor! Hunh. Jacob: Curiouser and curiouser. Hunh. [Teal'c and Quinn stay behind.] Quinn: I never get to do anything. Teal'c: Chill, man. [On the ship...] Jacob: Weird. Its self-destruct mode is stuck at "You still have time to save the day." Oooh, weird sounds on the comm. O'Neill: I call dibs on the throne! And the ship. Jacob: Don't be dumb. It could be a trap. O'Neill: Duh, it's a trap. This is plot-forwarding dialogue. [Carter and Davis try to access the computer core, but the door's sealed.] Carter: Hey, the door's locked. That sucks. Now how am I supposed to demonstrate my amazing Kung Foo skills? [Friezen sneaks away to see the new shields.] Friezen: After all, what could possibly go wrong? [Avec explosives, Carter, Teal'c, Davis and O'Neill break into the computer core.] Davis: Ooooh, coolness. Flashy things. O'Neill: Cooler yet. Other flashy things. Carter: Sir, you may want to breathe deeply now, while you have time. [Friezen appears to meet three of Anubis' bodyguards. All intent on mayhem.] Friezen: I don't suppose a friendly greeting will get me anywhere? Anubis' Bodyguards: [produce weapons] Cue theme from "Kung Fu." Friezen: Kung Foo? Anubis' Bodyguards: That pun is reason enough to kill you. [On the cargo ship...] Jonas: I never get to do anything. Teal'c: Meh. Carter: Hey, maybe Thor messed up this ship and sent it here for us! Davis: Er... wha? Carter: I'm having an S.C.G.M. here, don't interrupt. Carter: Hey, let's get Friezen. [into radio] Yo, Friezen. Er... Friezen? Hellooo? O'Neill: I'll go play geek fetch. Davis: That weird sound on the comm sounds like distorted words. Carter: Hunh. [Friezen is dead. Of course. Those creepy bodyguards turn up and shoot Jacob, then send the ship on fatal dive into the atmosphere.] Jacob: Why is nothing ever easy? [Those creepy bodyguard Jaffa guys board the cargo ship. Teal'c dispatches them efficiently.] Teal'c: Booyeah. Jonas: You're the man. Hammond: Go to the rescue ship. Teal'c + Jonas: Righty. Jonas: I suck in my passive suckitude. Teal'c: Naw... Why am I getting the feeling we'll be having this conversation again in future episodes? Jonas: Er... E.S.P.? Or T.F.M.? Teal'c: That could be it. Jacob: Ow. Ow ow ow. Ow. I suck. O'Neill: Meh. Carter: We're gonna be crushed to death, as the hull is compromised. Davis: Thor may have left a virus. Carter: Let's go mess around on the computer deck. I'm sure we won't get soaked and partly drowned, or anything like that. [O'Neill and Carter get trapped when the ship seals off a breach area, and the level begins to flood.] O'Neill: Why is nothing ever easy? Davis: This is me wigging out! Jacob: I can't save them in the nick of time. [Pause.] Davis: Dude... [The security protocol is deleted. Carter and O'Neill are saved.] O'Neill: We're alive! Carter: Yay for dad! Jacob: I didn't do anything. Carter: Yay for the virus! Carter: The virus is Thor! Yay! Let's save him. O'Neill: Okay. Everyone except Davis, Jacob and Jonas. Jonas: I never get to do anything. Carter: I wonder if Thor is licensed as Open Source... [Carter gets Thor out of the computer. The levels flood, and the autodestruct continues. They're stuck.] Teal'c: Gliders! Carter: Righty. O'Neill: Is that possible? Carter: Can't talk, coding. O'Neill: Don't say anything that could possibly break her concentration. Nothing at all. She needs complete focus to save our lives. Complete focus. Total focus. No possible pressure... Teal'c: What about the autodestr-- O'Neill: Teal'c! Don't break her concentration! [Jonas goes Aquaman.] Jonas: Must... save... day... Carter: Hey. Cool! We're not going to die. O'Neill: Woohoo. Teal'c: Hey, Jonas saved us! Carter: Hey, I saved Jonas! O'Neill: And thus, the Karmic balance is restored. [They escape in the gliders.] Jonas: I'm a big, enthusiastic newbie! O'Neill: Barrel roll! Jonas: I'm a queasy, big, enthusiastic newbie... Everyone: Woohoo! We're not dead! THE END Legal notices. You are number ### to go Aquaman.