Five-Minute Stargate SG-1: "Fair Game" by Nate the Great HAMMOND: Captain Carter, I now promote you to Major. Where did Jack go? THOR: Hello, O'Neill. O'NEILL: Hi, Thor. What's up? THOR: The Goa'uld are planning to attack Earth unless you agree to negotiate with them. O'NEILL: Well doesn't that sound fun? HAMMOND: Why are the Goa'uld agreeing to this? TEAL'C: They fear the Asgard. THOR: By the way, we have chosen O'Neill to represent Earth. O'NEILL: Are you sure this is a good idea? DANIEL: These are the three Go'auld: Cronus, Yu, and Nirrti. O'NEILL: No boring bios? DANIEL: We only have five minutes to tell this story. O'NEILL: Oh. HAMMOND: We have to lock up all of our weapons. TEAL'C: I will not. HAMMOND: That's an order. TEAL'C: Indeed. CRONUS: I will not be spied upon! DANIEL: OK, we'll take down the cameras in your rooms if you let us keep the ones in the halls. HAMMOND: Why did you do that. DANIEL: Foreshadowing. You'll see later. TEAL'C: By the way, Cronus killed my father. DANIEL: Why are you telling me this? TEAL'C: Foreshadowing. You'll see later. THOR: O'Neill, if the negotiation fails the Asgard can't protect you. O'NEILL: Why? THOR: We're fighting a far worse enemy. And before you ask, the answer is foreshadowing. YU: We won't attack Earth if you give up your Stargate. Both of them. O'NEILL: We have two? CARTER: Yes. Remember "Solitudes?" O'NEILL: Right. HAMMOND: The President has agreed to give up our Stargate. FRAISER: Someone attacked Cronus! Teal'c was with him. HAMMOND: I knew something would happen. We've still got half an hour to fill! YU: You attacked us! The Goa'uld will destroy you! DANIEL: Now you see why we gave up the cameras? It adds mystery! TEAL'C: I did not attack him. Some invisible force did. CARTER: Now I get to be the hero and heal Cronus with this funky Go'auld healing device! CRONUS: The Go'auld will destroy you! CARTER: Do you promise not to if we prove who attacked you? CRONUS: Sure, I'm a reasonable tyrant. O'NEILL: You lied to us. Nirrti used a personal cloaking device to attack Cronus. YU: Why didn't you give this device to the Goa'uld? NIRRTI: I had to advance the plot. Now it's time to cloak and make my escape. CARTER: Not so fast! I have an anti-cloak gun, and I'm not afraid to use it! CRONUS: You can keep your Stargate. But if you meet us again, we will show no mercy. O'NEILL: I know. We don't have the budget to get a new villian yet. Maybe next season. DANIEL: Huh? O'NEILL: Foreshadowing. You'll see later. THE END Legal notices. You are number ### to sit at that cool big table.