Five-Minute Stargate SG-1: "Fair Game"
by Nate the Great
HAMMOND: Captain Carter, I now promote you to Major. Where did Jack go?
THOR: Hello, O'Neill.
O'NEILL: Hi, Thor. What's up?
THOR: The Goa'uld are planning to attack Earth unless you agree to negotiate with them.
O'NEILL: Well doesn't that sound fun?
HAMMOND: Why are the Goa'uld agreeing to this?
TEAL'C: They fear the Asgard.
THOR: By the way, we have chosen O'Neill to represent Earth.
O'NEILL: Are you sure this is a good idea?
DANIEL: These are the three Go'auld: Cronus, Yu, and Nirrti.
O'NEILL: No boring bios?
DANIEL: We only have five minutes to tell this story.
HAMMOND: We have to lock up all of our weapons.
TEAL'C: I will not.
HAMMOND: That's an order.
CRONUS: I will not be spied upon!
DANIEL: OK, we'll take down the cameras in your rooms if you let us keep the ones in the halls.
HAMMOND: Why did you do that.
DANIEL: Foreshadowing. You'll see later.
TEAL'C: By the way, Cronus killed my father.
DANIEL: Why are you telling me this?
TEAL'C: Foreshadowing. You'll see later.
THOR: O'Neill, if the negotiation fails the Asgard can't protect you.
THOR: We're fighting a far worse enemy. And before you ask, the answer is foreshadowing.
YU: We won't attack Earth if you give up your Stargate. Both of them.
O'NEILL: We have two?
CARTER: Yes. Remember "Solitudes?"
HAMMOND: The President has agreed to give up our Stargate.
FRAISER: Someone attacked Cronus! Teal'c was with him.
HAMMOND: I knew something would happen. We've still got half an hour to fill!
YU: You attacked us! The Goa'uld will destroy you!
DANIEL: Now you see why we gave up the cameras? It adds mystery!
TEAL'C: I did not attack him. Some invisible force did.
CARTER: Now I get to be the hero and heal Cronus with this funky Go'auld healing device!
CRONUS: The Go'auld will destroy you!
CARTER: Do you promise not to if we prove who attacked you?
CRONUS: Sure, I'm a reasonable tyrant.
O'NEILL: You lied to us. Nirrti used a personal cloaking device to attack Cronus.
YU: Why didn't you give this device to the Goa'uld?
NIRRTI: I had to advance the plot. Now it's time to cloak and make my escape.
CARTER: Not so fast! I have an anti-cloak gun, and I'm not afraid to use it!
CRONUS: You can keep your Stargate. But if you meet us again, we will show no mercy.
O'NEILL: I know. We don't have the budget to get a new villian yet. Maybe next season.
O'NEILL: Foreshadowing. You'll see later.
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