Five-Minute Stargate SG-1: "Frozen" by The One The Asgard Call O'Pipp O'NEILL: Hey, let's go on holiday. CARTER: Uh, sir, seeing as you blew all our money on Simpsons videos, the only place we can afford is Antarctica... O'NEILL: Damn, $60,000 an episode really isn't enough. TEAL'C: What?! I only get $30,000! JONAS: They pay me in peanuts. Heh! O'NEILL: This place looks vaguely familiar... CARTER: Yeah, this is where we got trapped and... O'NEILL: *coughshipperscough* yes, and had so much fun... SCIENTIST: We've found a body in the ice. O'NEILL: Oh God! Carter. You said no one would look for bodies here... CARTER: I just knew this was going to come back and haunt us... DR. FRAISER: I'm here too! SCIENTIST: She's like an ancient or something... O'NEILL: Wow. I really like the Simpsons. SCIENTIST: She's been frozen for a million billion years... O'NEILL: Fishing is fun... Carter and I never had a 'ship. SCIENTIST: It's like a totally major discovery! O'NEILL: Remember how Anise had a crush on me... what happened to her anyway? TEAL'C: Ok, why are you getting all the lines? O'NEILL: Well, maybe you should try to remember me... just in case anything should happen to me. TEAL'C: What, you'll go into a coma and have to have an eeeevil symbiote implanted in you? O'NEILL: Well... That's screwed the plot, hasn't it? DR FRAISER: Hey, Ice Girl's really old but she's not. SCIENTIST: I got to name her. Yay me! TEAL'C: What, you didn't like Teal'c Jr.? SCIENTIST: Hey, let's defrost her. O'NEILL: How long will this take? SCIENTIST: Um, approximately 60 minutes and 13.9 seconds? O'NEILL: Cut out the Jonas dialogue and we're down to 60 minutes, woohoo! ICE GIRL: I'm alive. Yay me! DR. FRAISER: But you can't talk yet! ICE GIRL: Dammit. I mean: JONAS: Hey, I think we're scaring her. O'NEILL: It's ok, if Jonas was the first person I saw for 1000 billion years, I'd be frightened too. TEAL'C: Indeed. DR. FRAISER: Hey, major scientific breakthrough here! CARTER: That's supposed to me my line! ICE GIRL: Whatever, I've just almost killed someone. MAJOR SCIENTIFIC BREAKTHROUGH: Well, I could see that coming. DR. FRAISER: It's all Ice Girl's fault. She's got the plague. O'NEILL: I'm so locking Jonas up in there with her... CARTER: Jonas is going to die! O'NEILL: Woohoo! SCIENTIST: So... very... cold. DR. FRAISER: And you know who I blame? O'NEILL: Jonas? DR. FRAISER: Well, I was gonna say Ice Girl, but good enough! JONAS: You're carrying some kind of plague. Sucks to be you. ICE GIRL: No, sucks to be you. JONAS: *cough cough* Owwwwie! O'NEILL: Hey, we found the scientist. TEAL'C: Which one? It's getting like a Star Trek convention 'round here. O'NEILL: Indeed. SCIENTIST: Gak! ICE GIRL: I'm gonna save him! O'NEILL: Knock yourself out. ICE GIRL: [SAYS NOTHING BUT ALMOST FAINTS] O'NEILL: It was a metaphor! DR. FRAISER: Hey, we're all going to die. O'NEILL: But Jonas will die first, yeah? DR. FRAISER: Um... ICE GIRL: I'm gonna save you all. O'NEILL: Yay! ICE GIRL: Except you. O'NEILL: Why? ICE GIRL: If you die, I could become a main character. O'NEILL: Yeah, right! ICE GIRL: Hey, it worked for Jonas... O'NEILL: Damn, damn, damn, damn! JONAS: But I want you to live! ICE GIRL: Are you hitting on me? JONAS: Um... ICE GIRL: Dying. Now. TOK'RA: Hey, we're cool. JONAS: Yeah, the Tok'ra are cool. CARTER: And those are the two reasons Colonel O'Neill doesn't want to become one. CARTER: Hey, what's the problem with the plan? O'NEILL: Tok'ra suck. CARTER: Don't make me cry... *sniffle* O'NEILL: Fine. This is just gonna feed the 'shippers you know. CARTER: Yes, the Kanan/O'Neill 'shippers. O'NEILL: This is a PG fiver you know. CARTER: Meh, if they will let Jonas in it... THE END Legal notices. You are number ### to to get really .