Five-Minute Stargate SG-1: "Holiday" by Nate the Great O'NEILL: Look at all this stuff. CARTER: Cool! A palm pilot! I've always wanted one of these! MACHELLO: Hi. I'm Machello. DANIEL: Hi. I'm Daniel Jackson. MACHELLO: No, I'm Daniel Jackson. I made these gadgets to fight the Go'auld. Please hold those handles. (Zap! Daniel in Machello collapses) MACH/DAN: Weird. O'NEILL: Teal'c, grab the old guy. Let's go. CARTER: I can't figure out how to use this palm pilot. HAMMOND: Bummer. How do you feel, Dr. Jackson? MACH/DAN: A little tired. HAMMOND: Take a day off. DAN/MACH: I'm Daniel Jackson in Machello's body. FRAISER: Weird. TEAL'C: Indeed. O'NEILL: Let's go get that body-swapping gizmo. MACH/DAN: Hi, I'm Machello. FRED: Hi, I'm Fred. Let's go have some lunch, on you. MACH/DAN: Sure. O'NEILL: Lift on three. One...Two... (Zap!) JACK/TEAL'C: Nuts. TEAL'C/JACK: Indeed. WAITRESS: You need a credit card to eat here. MACH/DAN: Will one of these do? WAITRESS: Sure, but I don't plan to return it. MACH/DAN: OK, kiss me. WAITRESS: In your dreams. JACK/TEAL'C: I don't feel so hot. TEAL'C/JACK: You're sick. You need to meditate so the worm can heal you. JACK/TEAL'C: Why? TEAL'C/JACK: Who knows? I guess the writers needed to fill up time. By the way, I'm going to shave your head. JACK/TEAL'C: Over your dead body. TEAL'C/JACK: If you don't meditate that can be arranged. JACK/TEAL'C: Drat. HAMMOND: Someone used Dr. Jackson's credit card. I've sent a team to get him. I'm just saying this to bridge these two scenes. COP: Hands up! MACH/DAN: Drat. HAMMOND: Switch everyone back. MACH/DAN: No. HAMMOND: OK, lock him up. MACH/DAN: If you let out I'll show you how to use my palm pilot. CARTER: No, the plot demands that you have a poignant heart-to-heart talk with Daniel now. MACH/DAN: I should live so I can protect you from the Go'auld. DAN/MACH: I should live so I can find my wife. MACH/DAN: You'll never find your wife. DAN/MACH: Yes, I will! Ouch! FRAISER: He's dying. Carter, we only have five minutes. Time to find a last-minute solution. CARTER: OK. CARTER: Time for musical bodies. First Jack and Machello switch. (Zap!) CARTER: Now Teal'c and Daniel. (Zap!) DAN/JACK: Whoa, I'm not an old man anymore. Cool! TEAL'C/MACH: (If he weren't in a dying old man's body I'm sure he'd say "Indeed.") CARTER: Jack and Daniel. (Zap!) DANIEL: It's great to be back. O'NEILL: Indeed. Whoa, Teal'c hangover! CARTER: Finally, Teal'c and Machello. MACH/TEAL'C: You'll never find out how to use my palm pilot! CARTER: Drat. (Zap!) MACHELLO: Thanks for the holiday. Now that the title has been explained I can die. THE END Legal notices. You are number ### to consider shaving O'Neill's head.